Sev

Sev had just said goodbye to Lily behind the tapestry that opened onto a second-floor corridor, making time not to arrive in the Great Hall immediately after her.

'By Merlin! How changed Lily is. Asking me for permission to give me a hug… Okay, I put distance for a while, in the summer, after she laughed for trying to kiss her, but rays! I had been getting my hopes up all year and preparing the Haven for us… I was ashamed.

'There she seemed to understand it, she kept looking for me and treating me as always. But then the damn old man came and we couldn't see each other again for a month, she knows very well what's up when he's home. But I still went to Diagon every week to send her owls so she wouldn't worry and wouldn't show up at the house, of course.'

Sev peered behind the tapestry to see if anyone was coming. A group of Hufflepuffs were walking towards him. He hid again for a few seconds to let them pass, and when they turned their backs on him, he came out and walked briskly toward the Great Hall.

'And on the Express I got into the last car hoping that she would look for me to be alone and quiet for at least a while, although those unwelcome badgers arrived shortly before her, as if there were no compartments to spare. I didn't change because by then I wasn't expecting her anymore, it took so long her to arrive that I thought she would have stayed with her friends. After all, I hadn't allowed her to communicate with me all month.

'But finally she arrived carrying her trunk, instead of leaving it with her housemates, as if she expected to spend the whole trip with me. And yet, instead of hugging me or giving me a kiss like she always did, she didn't even sit next to me but in front of me. I thought she was mad at me for leaving her alone all summer and I didn't even dare to look at her… There she is.'

Sev walked into the Hall glancing at Lily, who was sitting at the table with the lions, and went to his, on the other side, greeting and sitting between Avery and Mulciber, in his usual place, from where he could see Lily between two heads. They exchanged glances without stopping and did not do so again throughout the dinner.

'My Princess... good girl, she is learning."

He got up from the table first, since he barely touched the second course, a greasy stew that he didn't like at all, and taking one last look at Lily, he headed out of the Great Hall.

'Well, that, I didn't even dare to look at her. I was still talking to her like always, but she didn't touch me even once. Me neither, but she already knows that I'm not the effusive one, and after the beech, I was afraid to upset her.

'Then came Avery and Mulciber's pests, I had thought that they wouldn't come looking for me that far, at what a bad time I gave them court thinking that this way I would get rid of the Gryffindors. They insulted her. I almost cursed them, but I couldn't start a duel in such a small place, two against one, with Lily and the badgers in the middle, so I made them go away just by threatening them, they're afraid of me. But now that they knew where we were, I had to get her out of there as soon as possible and keep an eye on them for the rest of the trip, because she should go back to put on her uniform.

'They came warm from spending the summer with their pristine families of sixteen pure-blood surnames and they were tightening the nuts on me with the blood traitor thing all the time, threatening to attack her, of course, because they don't dare with me.

'Then I got scared, I couldn't be watching them at school all the time, the previous year they had already injured a classmate of hers, we weren't going to be able to be like we were up to now, hanging with me put her in danger.

'I decided not to sit together in Potions, it hurt my soul the look on her face when she found out, and on top of it that asshole Potter embarrassing us.' By then he was already in the Common Room looking at the fire.

'I know I should have gone to the Library to look for her some afternoon and explain everything to her, but I kept watching the Haven in case the Gryffindors came back, I still didn't know if it was safe and if now we were going to have to hide…

'So I let the days go by, perhaps too many, I couldn't stand the look of disappointment she put on when she looked at me in the Great Hall or passed me in the corridors, one day she tried to talk to me but I was late for class and what was I going to tell her? She was with all her classmates.

'Also, she always sat with the wolf, I thought they had hooked up, he defended her from Potter and they were always whispering at meals and in Potions.

'So it was a bit because of all that, the kiss she didn't want to give me, her coldness on the train, Potter, the Slytherins, her thing with Lupin... Although I was dying of jealousy I decided that the best thing was to get away completely, that she forget me, too many obstacles. I thought she'd get over it right away, she already seemed to have replaced me with the wolf.

'At the equinox I went to the centenary fir tree, I was also looking for an olive tree the previous weekends but there are none in the Forest, to try to perform the Druid ritual, and I meditated on her. I wished that she would find her way and be happy and that nothing bad would never, ever happen to her. I didn't ask for anything for myself.

'And a couple of days later… she came after dinner chasing me into the dungeons and asked me out on a date. Well, not exactly, she just wanted to meet up to talk. I was stunned, I didn't expect it, and I hesitated, she proposed to meet in the Library while everyone went to Hogsmeade. I was not able to refuse. And when she said goodbye… she gave me a kiss! The first in three months.

'That night I hardly slept, I spent it thinking what to do, whether to take her to the Haven, but… what if she was with the wolf? She left so fast that we didn't agree on what time to meet and we always went to the Library in the afternoon, so I would pick her up after lunch and take her for a walk in the Forest like in the good old days.

'But she suddenly appeared under the beech tree in the middle of the morning, in uniform, without her wand, and saying that she had been waiting for me for hours... Still, she didn't even touch me, she seemed to feel so violent…

'I treated her as always, as attentive as I know, I put my cloak on her, I went for her backpack, I rubbed her back to keep her warm, I refused to share it so she wouldn't get cold. But apparently she still had, and instead of cuddling up to me like she always had, she just complained about it. I knew that it was risky to hug her so openly, but again I was not able to refuse, nor to finally share my cloak.

'I had a hard time calming down. To feel her warmth again after months, since before trying to kiss her, and in the same place, in addition. I thought we could go back to being as usual, even if it was hiding.

'But then I felt her shudder, she seemed feverish, I thought she was catching a cold… but that wasn't it. She grabbed my hand with which I was hugging her so that I wouldn't let go and she turned to look at me... I had my eyes closed and I didn't dare to open them, if I had, surely I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from trying to kiss her again, it had better be her… it looked like she was going to… but no, and it took her a long time to relax again.

'Now I already understood her shyness, her eagerness to see me. Would it be possible? Was she feeling for me more than friendship? I couldn't believe it. After so many years together at all hours, getting away from her had made her fall in love with me… maybe?

'But that same thing made her inhibit her naturalness with me. We chatted for a while to see if she regained her confidence, it seemed that she did, we planned the Potions plot. But we ended up arguing about the usual. I cut to the chase and she told me that she loved me… a lot. What a weird situation.

'So to change the mood I suggested going to the Forest, perhaps for something more than a walk. We hadn't had lunch, so I took her to the chestnut clearing and then for berries, I took her hand as often as I could, I told her about the connection of our sacred trees, I opened her nuts and offered her the richest fruits.

'But still she didn't approach me even once. I was already beginning to think that everything had been my imagination. I remembered that I had a way to get out of doubt, it was the right time, the berries would be ripe, I had decided not to pick them this year because the previous year I spent torturing myself, rationing them to see if the flavor would intensify until I ran out of them.

'So I took her to the Passage of Options, we were close to it, so that she would understand my bleeding heart, get sick of indifference and fearful of oblivion, and we would taste the Lover's Flavor berry together.

'Merlin! It tasted like her as always, but much, much stronger, but the best part was that it tasted like meto her too… She caught my fingers with her lips as I gave it to her and gave herself away by smelling my cloak when she tasted it. So it was yes. I gave her time, but still she didn't dare. I didn't want to force her to do anything, perhaps it was very recent that she felt something and she didn't see it clearly.

'On the way back I still had hope, she asked me what it tasted like to me and I confessed it to her in my own way. She already knows that I'm not direct, by now she should understand, I had gotten wet and she hadn't. But she answered me with more hints and changed the subject when we already were arriving. What if I gave herDefense classes? Always criticizing me for my Dark Arts penchant and now she wasproposing that?

'I felt disappointed, used, and angry at her for beating around the bush when she never had before, she knew I loved her, she had no excuse to fear rejection. Where was her Gryffindor daring?

'In the end she confessed to me that what she wanted was to be with me, but by then I had made her cry and I had a hard time comforting her because I was also knackered. And when we said goodbye, when we were already about thirty feet away, she turned and shouted at me all happily… that she willdream of me? What a mess.

'Dreaming, that was precisely what I couldn't do that night because I barely slept. She loved me, after so many years of waiting for her. I had to make her regain her confidence, and in the end the Dueling classes didn't seem like such a bad idea, she could realize that I'm not as evil as her friends tell her, she would learn to defend herself and we would be together as she wanted. I decided to take her to the Haven right away, so I could also check if I had cast the Fidelius correctly.

'The next morning I went to harvest the berries and in the afternoon to the Library to look for her, and I found her with the wolf making confidences. I had already caught them whispering at breakfast, looking at me, who knew what she was telling him, because he seemed to scold her, I thought he was turning her against me.

'I thought again that they were together and he was giving her a good rant when she told him what we had done the day before. I even doubted the flavor of the berries, maybe it was just because they were so fresh.

'I turned back the way I'd come, humiliated, disappointed, and feeling like a coward for not standing up to him, after all, even if she was with him, what had we done? Just walk around and have a snack. They wouldn't even let her be my friend like the damned snakes did to me.

'Again to get away. That night I didn't go to dinner and I slept... because the previous one I hadn't. I still complied with the Potions plot, because she did and didn't sit with Lupin anymore. Had she broken up with him, taking my side? What a mess.

'Again I got my hopes up but with many more reservations. I didn't trust the berries anymore so I didn't try them. I let time pass, to see if she would come back for me, but she didn't.

'Then the Potions thing happened and the thing went into overdrive. I couldn't lose the only link we had left, I appointed her thinking to take her to the Haven if when I tasted a berry it would taste the same to me again, almost a month had already passed, now they would be reliable. And it did, very, very intense.

'So I went for it all, I revealed the Haven to her, I had been wanting it for so long... I loved how she was excited, despite it being a disaster, she thought it was wonderful. I was so happy that I didn't stop talking to her, explaining everything. I wanted us to start the Duel classes as soon as possible, I had had time to think that it was not only necessary to pass the subject, but essential to fend for herself, and modesty aside, who better than me?

'But despite the trust I had placed in her, the emotion and finally having a safe haven, she only dared to timidly touch my hand, and then, at the most inopportune moment, in front of the illuminated fifth-floor corridor, where we could be seen… she hugged me!

'I had to push her away and restrain myself from running after her, and I didn't go down to dinner that night. I knew that would turn her back again, and I resigned myself to continue waiting for her.

'In the first class I suppose it was my fault, I was excited, it was also the first for me and I didn't give her space. She was so self-conscious… Still she dared to ask me for a walk when everyone was in Hogsmeade. I had to refuse again, too risky.

'Today she finally dared to talk to me, snapping me out of my obsession with helping her, asking me for a talk and then another walk, for berries in the Forbidden Forest. It is clear that I am failing in my attempt to make her trust, she asks me all the time for things that I cannot give her. Does she not understand? Now we have a home, the first that I can call my own.

'She wants to be with me in another way. Why doesn't she tell it to me?What happened to her courage? She's becoming like me, speaking in hints, but she doesn't understand mine, my attitudes, my tones of voice, my body language. She doesn't make up her mind, and I'm not going to risk rejection and spoil everything again, she has to be the one to take the step.

'At least she has dared to ask me for a hug. To ask me! When I'm dying of desire. Maybe give us more time to chat, I don't know… If only the Haven was more comfortable, with a place to sit close by, maybe the cushions against the wall, I have to learn to Summon.

'She was so spontaneous and she's getting twisted. Asking me to go back to the Forest for berries, having me at her disposal, knowing that I never deny her anything that is in my power.

'Going for berries to the Forest… going for berries to the Forest? Knowing how she is, a bookworm, she is capable of having looked for the book… But it is impossible that she have found it. Even so… it costs me nothing to check.'