"Do you need me to come with you?"

Buck looked at his sister and shook his head as he smiled.

"It'll be fine, May," he told her, chuckling when she gave him an unimpressed look.

"I've heard that one before," she pointed out seriously, making him laugh and earning himself a glare that immediately had him sobering up.

Buck sighed before looking out at the station from the station's parking lot where he and May were currently parked in her car. He could see movement from the rest of the team as they went about with their day. He couldn't see anyone from their close team, though he could imagine Hen, Chim, Eddie, and Bobby were all up on the loft as they usually were if they weren't doing anything or were done with their tasks.

It had been a little over two months since he was granted an indefinite leave to focus on himself. He had been seeing Doctor Copeland over the course of that time, taking it one step at a time, and a day at a time as he attended his sessions with her regularly. He also hadn't seen anyone from the team for the past two months at his request.

When Doctor Copeland asked about that decision, he said that he didn't think he could move forward with his recovery if he saw them. Buck further explained that he wasn't quite sure how much of his progress relied on not having any contact whatsoever from the team and that he didn't want to risk everything he had achieved thus far in his recovery by seeing them when he wasn't ready yet.

Doctor Copeland expressed her agreement by telling Buck that she was glad he was finally taking himself into account. That he was finally considering his own feelings about the matter and not everyone else's.

Buck knew it hadn't been sunshine and rainbows when May and Athena told the team of his decision of not wanting to see any of them. He was also well aware that they all wanted an explanation why he chose that decision, even demanded to see him when they were just explicitly told that he didn't want exactly that. Buck was also privy to the off-handed comments that most were from Eddie and Chim. May had decided not to tell him the exact words they said, but he knew it was bad enough to have Maddie and Carla involved too.

He really didn't want his older sister to know, always wanted to keep her in the dark because he didn't want to jeopardize or ruin the life she was finally building for herself after the shitshow she had to go through with Doug. But when May and Harry had sat him down the morning after the beach incident and simply asked him what he wanted to do next, all he could do was break down and ask for his older sister.

So May did just that.

She called Maddie and not even twenty minutes later, after having told Sue she had to beg off her shift due to an emergency, Buck was spilling his guts to all three of his siblings as he burrowed himself in the comfort of his older sister's arms.

He told them everything. From how he had been trying so hard to keep his head held up high despite being treated the way he was by the people he considered his family to how he struggled to keep it together, hopelessly believing that any day the team would finally welcome him back.

As expected, Maddie blew her gasket off at the team, especially at Chim. The first night she came home after being with Buck, May, and Harry, she found a guilty-looking Chim waiting for her in the living room. One look was all it took for Maddie to know that he knew she knew that he had been lying to her all the times she asked about how Buck was re-settling in after he got reinstated.

Suffice to say that she ripped her boyfriend a new one and was so close to ending things with him if it weren't for Buck asking her to not let the situation between him and the members of the 118 get in the way of the life she has been building for herself, the life he said she deserved after Doug.

Maddie gave her brother no promises and said that she won't be tolerating the same thing ever again, telling him that she made the mistake of letting one man, under the pretense of saying that everything was well and fine, cut her brother off of her life once. She wasn't going to make that same mistake again with him and Chim.

About two weeks after filing for an indefinite leave on behalf of Buck at the LAFD headquarters, and helping her brother settle into his new routine every day, Maddie all but stormed into the 118. She left no crumbs as she exploded at them when she arrived, making it a point that in no certain way was she going to stand on the sidelines to leave her brother to pick up his broken pieces after the very same people they both came to see as a family shattered him the way they had.

Buck wasn't pleased when Maddie told him about it, but May and Harry were quick to support their older sister, stating that Bobby and the team should have had it coming. And he would be lying if he said he didn't feel fuzzy about how they easily stepped in to defend and protect him.

All his life, he was always the one doing the protecting. Always putting others first before himself, and always making it a point to make sure those around him were safe and sound, even at his expense.

During the last two months after the beach incident, his siblings became the main people he came to when times became tough. But more often than not, it was Athena who he came to when he felt the need for a parent's love or a parent's point of view on something he was going through.

He never really had that growing up. Back when he and Maddie were younger, their parents were never that involved in their lives. They never gave them the attention or the care a parent should have for their kids. They never showed up at any important milestone Buck had achieved, never even celebrated his birthday with him.

And up until his life became the mess that it was, Bobby and Athena had always been there to offer a parental figure's perspective and advice. They were always present in a way Buck had wished his parents were, and that made it easier for him to see them as his parents.

A hand on his shoulder brought Buck out of his thoughts, and he turned to look at May who had her brows furrowed in concern.

"It'll be fine, May," he repeated with a small smile.

"And besides, Mom's going to be there," he added as he unbuckled his seatbelt, his eyes trailing over to the familiar cruiser parked across the lot.

May rolled her eyes at that. "I don't know if that's supposed to make me feel better or not."

Buck chuckled as he looked at the station entrance once more.

"Remind me why you didn't tell her and Maddie about this visit again?" May asked.

"Because," Buck paused as he got out of the car, leaning forward to look at his sister as he continued, "I need to do this without someone threatening the team, and I need them to see that I didn't come here for their apologies."

He knew that Athena had been giving them not-too-detailed updates on his progress if only to prevent them from asking incessant questions every single time they would see her. One can only have so much patience, and Buck knew the police sergeant really didn't have a lot of that, especially for people who have done her kids wrong.

Buck bit his lip as he grabbed the envelope from his dashboard. He lifted his gaze and met his sister's dark brown eyes as he gave her a small smile.

"I need to do this on my own, May," he told her seriously, all the jokes they tossed at each other on the way to the station about causing a scene vanishing and forgotten now that they were within the vicinity of the station.

May gave him an understanding smile as she nodded her head. "Okay."

"Okay," Buck echoed and took a deep breath, "I'll be right back."

He closed the door and walked towards the station. He didn't falter in his step even as some of the members of the A-shift noticed his arrival and stopped with their tasks. Buck could hear their inner circle team's voices as he walked up the stairs, all conversations suddenly coming to a halt when he reached the top of the stairs when Bobby, who was at the head of the table facing the stairs, saw him come to a stop at the last step, fork clattering against his plate as he dropped it.

"Buck," the fire captain breathed, and Buck watched as his mother whipped her head towards him, a surprised expression plastered on her face upon seeing him.

"Buck?" she said, her tone clearly indicating her confusion as she furrowed her eyebrows.

The man in question swallowed before he pulled a rather nervous smile and decided to address all of them in general, noting how Chim, Eddie, and Hen were all staring at him with the same expression Bobby had on his face.

"Uh, hey. I, um.. I'm sorry to drop by unannounced," he started, slowly walking closer to the group.

"But I thought it best to come here without anyone knowing, minus May, of course," Buck started, eyes immediately meeting Athena's when he mentioned his sister's name, "She came here with me, actually. She's waiting for me in her car in the parking lot, so I won't stay long."

Buck watched as Athena's eyebrows shot up to her hairline at that information and he slowly let out a breath as he took the time to gather his thoughts before speaking again.

"The last few years haven't been… kind to me, especially the last year. I've been through hell and back countless times and I never gave myself the time to really process, heal, and recover from trauma after trauma after trauma that I was subjected to just the past year alone," he began, words never faltering even as his heart steadily increased its pace.

He watched as their expressions ranged from guilt, sadness, and shame all in a short span of time. But he wasn't there to take pity on what they were feeling about what happened. He wasn't there to make them feel better.

He was there to make himself feel better.

No matter what it took.

No matter what he had to do.

No matter what he had to lose.

"I've been seeing my therapist again on a more regular basis. Thrice a week, for the past two months. And it's been helping, and very eye-opening, to say the least," Buck prefaced, pausing to lick his suddenly chapped lips before continuing.

"I once told Bobby that I feel like I'm not much of anything without the uniform. That being a firefighter is all that I am," he said as he pulled the document from where he stashed it in his back pocket before walking towards the end of the table where Bobby was seated.

He stopped about a meter away from the fire captain who was eyeing the document at hand warily. And really, Buck couldn't blame him. But still, he wordlessly slid the envelope on the tabletop towards him, waiting until Bobby accepted it before giving an explanation for the benefit of everyone present.

"I've always told everyone the same thing over and over again over the past few years. Always emphasizing that being a firefighter is all that I am, and all that I have. But my sessions with Doctor Copeland made me realize that maybe that isn't the case, and I just need to rediscover who I exactly am with or without the uniform," he told them as he looked at each one of them, pausing as his eyes met Bobby's once more.

"And in order to do that, I need to be able to deal with a lot of the trauma I experienced. Overcome some fears that I still have, and heal what still needs to be healed," he continued before looking down at his shoes for a moment to gather his thoughts before looking back up to see all of them waiting for him to continue.

"Coming here today was a decision I made on my own for myself. Doctor Copeland and Mom would always remind me of the importance of making decisions that feel comfortable and safe for me, and that made me realize that I had to stop making decisions based on how my decisions would make those around me feel, and start making ones that would make me feel better. Me being here and giving you that is one of them," Buck explained, eyes boring into the document he just passed to Bobby before meeting the fire captain's eyes.

He watched as the man opened the envelope and read the document that lay within. He watched as Bobby's eyes read it over two more times before he finally looked up, swallowing as his coffee-colored eyes met Buck's.

"You're quitting?" Bobby asked quietly.

And all at once, the others at the table excluding his mother chimed into the conversation.

"What?" Chim threw in.

"You're what?" Eddie followed.

"Buck?" Hen called softly.

And after their outburst, Buck stood his ground.

"I'm not doing this out of spite. I am still in the process of trying to forgive all of you because honestly? Standing here at this place and seeing you all again after a while is making me feel a bit wary and uneasy and anxious all at the same time," he told them, voice wavering slightly as he acknowledged the fact.

But he didn't give them enough time to react, though he did notice Athena tense after he revealed that as he continued.

"What I've been through in this place.. it still haunts me every once in a while. And it's one of the more difficult things that I'm still having a bit of trouble with talking about in therapy."

Buck had to avert his eyes to prevent himself from looking at any of them at that little information he had told them. He bit his lip as he looked back up.

"But this decision.. it isn't something I chose to do to be petty. Looking back, I realized that even though a lot of my trauma is rooted in my childhood, there's also quite a lot of it that's associated with the job."

He watched as they tried to counter him, but Buck raised a hand to stop them from speaking.

"This decision is the first one I made for no one but myself. This is me choosing myself for the first time in a long while," he paused as he took the time to look each one of them in the eye once more.

"I need to let go of the idea of myself that I thought I will always be to allow myself to fully heal. And I cannot do that here," he stated truthfully, watching as his words registered to each of them.

"But you are coming back, right? You're just going to focus on yourself for now?" Hen questioned softly.

"Honestly, I don't really know, Hen. Maybe one day when I figure my shit out, I will come back, maybe I won't. But I hope that one day if I do decide to come back, I hope that I already found a way to forgive all of you," Buck finished.

He watched their faces as they took in everything he had just said, and while it was a bit unnerving for him to be standing right there, he drew comfort in the fact that Athena's hand had somehow found its way to hold his in silent support.

Surprisingly, it was Eddie who spoke up first.

"Will we be seeing you around?"

Buck looked at him as he considered his answer.

"I'll be around for the kids. You don't have to worry about me not being around for them," he answered shortly.

He watched as Eddie swallowed before nodding at his answer just before his name was called. Buck turned around to see May climbing the last of the steps.

"You said you were going to wait in the car," he told his sister.

"I know, Ev. But you're going to be late for your session. I had to come up here because you left your phone in the car," his sister said just as she showed him his phone.

Eyebrows rising, Buck looked at his watch and cursed under his breath. His appointment with Doctor Copeland was in twenty minutes. He looked back at the team, making eye contact with each of them before his eyes finally landed on Bobby's.

Buck could see the conflict in the man's eyes, the guilt that was swimming in them. A part of him wanted to just forgive and forget if only to get that look out of his eyes. But a bigger part of him, the one that Doctor Copeland and Athena always told him to consider, reminded him that he needed to do this.

For himself and nobody else.

He gave his now-former captain a small smile and a curt nod just as Athena got up from her seat at the table and stood next to him.

"Mom, don't be mad," Buck immediately said, hands going up in the air as he watched her move.

He heard May laugh from where she stood by the stairs and he would've glared at her if Athena wasn't standing within arm's length from him. She slowly reached to cup his cheek and Buck released a breath he didn't even realize he was holding as he leaned into her touch.

"I'm not mad, Evan. But, are you okay?" she asked him softly, her dark brown eyes boring into his baby blues.

Buck hesitated for a split second before finally nodding at her. "I'm fine, Mama."

Athena raised an eyebrow, indicating she didn't miss his hesitation, but let it slide for now. She sighed as she caressed his cheek with her thumb before pulling her hand away.

"Go on. Don't keep Doctor Copeland waiting," she told him.

Buck nodded his head and smiled at her before turning back to go, only to stop when Bobby piped up.

"Buck, wait!"

The younger man couldn't help but freeze, taking in a breath to steady himself as he shook his head at May who was suddenly sporting a concerned look on her face, before turning to look back at Bobby. It didn't escape his notice how Athena was suddenly watching his former captain with a sharp protective glint in her eyes.

Bobby noticed it as well, but Buck raised his hand to stop him before he even opened his mouth to say something. He swallowed and licked his suddenly dry lips before addressing the fire captain.

"I know what you want to say, Bobby. Mom, May, and Harry always make sure that I know," he paused, eyes meeting Bobby's as he shoved his hands in his pockets to prevent them from fidgeting.

"But?"

Buck gave him a sad smile. Bobby always seemed to know there was more to what he had to say.

"But this.. This is all that I can give right now. This is all that I can afford to give you right now. I was ready to face you all today, yes. But I'm not yet ready to have the conversation I know you want to have. I just.. I can't, Bobby. Not yet," he admitted quietly.

Buck had to admit that he wanted to have that conversation with Bobby, too. To ask him a lot of things that he knew only the man would be able to answer, to tell him things he always wanted to tell him but never did. But Buck also knew that he was not yet mentally and emotionally ready for that conversation.

"I need some time to figure things out, figure out where I fit in all this, so to speak," he added just as quietly.

Bobby looked like he wanted to object, but the longer he held Buck's eyes eventually led him to nod his head in acceptance. If he wanted to rebuild whatever was left of his relationship with the younger man, he will have to do it on Buck's terms.

"When.. When you're ready, I'll be right here waiting," Bobby returned softly.

Buck held his gaze for far longer than he had since the last time he saw him. About two months ago, he would have been over the moon at the slightest bit of whatever attention he would get from the fire captain, but right now, at that moment, Buck could only give him another sad smile as he nodded at his words.

"I know, Bobby," he replied quietly before giving the rest of the team another once-over before turning and walking away wordlessly.

May watched as Buck swallowed hard when he passed by her on the way down. She briefly met her mother's eyes before immediately following her brother downstairs and into her car as soon as they got outside.

She didn't say anything. She gently reached for his hand and held it tightly as she waited for him to gather himself. The younger of the two knew it was one hell of a big step for her brother to take–knew that he had his own reservations about doing it, but did it anyway.

After giving him enough time to get a hold of his emotions, May gently cupped his face and used her thumbs to wipe away the tears that managed to fall from the corner of his eyes.

Buck nodded wordlessly and let out a slow, steady breath before smiling at her.

No words were needed between them as May slowly pulled away, sitting back as she reached for her seatbelt as Buck did the same before pulling out of the station parking lot.

"So, Evan. How are you feeling today?"

Buck bit his lip as he thought of his answer. He glanced at May who he had asked to sit in on his session, eyes catching her gaze as she smiled at him encouragingly to which he returned a small smile of his own before turning back to his therapist.

"A little less messier, I guess?"

Doctor Copeland tilted her head curiously at his answer. "Hmm. How so?"

"I..uh.. went to see the team today. At the station," he revealed.

A thoughtful look fell on Doctor Copeland's face at this information. "So you handed in your resignation, I presume?"

Buck nodded, sighing heavily as he leaned back on the couch, head resting over the backrest as he stared at the ceiling of his therapist's office.

"I needed it, and I thought that it was time. I.. I don't really see the point of being on an indefinite leave when I myself am not even sure if I want to go back," he replied as he continued staring at the ceiling.

"To firefighting or to the environment and people surrounding it?" his therapist asked without missing a beat.

Buck sighed, closing his eyes as he answered her. "Both."

He heard her hum in reply and Buck opened his eyes and sat back up as he voiced out his thoughts.

"I just.. The past few years, I've drilled it in my head that firefighting is all I wanna do for the rest of my life. That I was born to be a firefighter. But then again, it's the only thing I've ever known that has gotten me to a place where I felt like I finally belonged," he started, gaze meeting with his therapist.

"I found a family, and I just.." he trailed off just as a thought came to mind, making him bite his lip before eventually voicing those thoughts out as well.

"Bobby has been more of a father to me than my own dad ever was. He taught me how to tie a tie, and taught me family recipes that have been passed down to him by his own dad. He'd give me advice when I asked for it, cook my favorite food to cheer me up when I'm feeling down, and even go to great lengths to take care of me when I'm sick. He gets mad when I do stupid things, which admittedly, I did a lot," he said, chuckling and shaking his head at the last bit.

Buck paused for a moment, eyes staring off into space before blinking and looking back at his therapist.

"He has been an integral part of my life as a firefighter. Everything about firefighting that the fire academy didn't teach, I learned from him. Hell, all of the things I should've learned from my own dad, I learned from him," he went on.

"And it's hard..," he paused, swallowing the lump that suddenly formed in his throat as he continued.

"Having the man I see as my father for as long as I've known him–the man that I have trusted with my life–turn his back on me so.. so easily. It's.. it's a lot. And I don't.. I don't know if I could ever forgive him for that."

"I understand that, Evan," his therapist replied empathically.

"I know that the struggles you have been facing during the past year alone have been the last straw that broke the camel's back. And it's understandable to feel the way that you do towards the people you consider your family," she continued.

Buck could only nod silently at that, not wishing to stay on the topic further, which his therapist observed immediately.

"Now that you have taken that giant leap that you said you weren't sure you were ready for– you faced them after so long, came to this decision on your own, and not only that, you went back to the one place you once considered as your safe space. Granted, you still have a long way to go with therapy. But for now, the only question that remains is, what happens next for you?"

Buck mentally sighed in relief that Doctor Copeland didn't push, and was grateful for the change of subject. For now.

"Funny that you ask that, really. For the past few days, I've been contemplating just that. Before, whenever I would feel like I wasn't wanted around anymore, my knee-jerk reaction was to just up and go, you know? Move from one place to another, and figure out whether I was a good enough fit to stay. And..," he trailed off, eyes suddenly finding the dark blue carpet on the floor quite interesting as he remembered that May was in the room with them.

"And you're considering doing it again?" Doctor Copeland inquired gently.

Buck looked back up with a sigh. "I mean, I was."

The doctor nodded at his answer. "Was? So you mean you're not considering it anymore?"

"No, not anymore," Buck answered with a soft shake of his head.

"I see. And what made you stop considering this course of action?"

A small smile pulled on Buck's lips at the question.

"My support system–my family. I mean, May, Harry, Athena, and Maddie, they've.. they've been nothing but supportive of me during the last few months. I mean, sure, Maddie only recently has been around more because I kept her away from the fact that I was struggling. But when all was said and done, all of them were there," he explained.

"And I realized that while I did have a family with the 118, I still do have one outside of that circle. My struggles and my pain blurred that fact for a while. But I have them, and I realized that with my current situation, my current progress in recovery, I can't be away from them for as long as I have done before I became a firefighter with the LAFD," he continued as his eyes once again found the carpet an interesting subject to look at as he voiced his next thoughts out.

"Maybe when I'm well enough to be alone–when I no longer get lost in my thoughts when left alone. Maybe then, I could go off and see the world again. Remember who I can still be even without the uniform. But for now, I guess.. it's to stay close–stay home–while I continue to deal with all of this.. continue figuring out things in my head. Figure out who I am without the uniform."

A sniff from his left pulled both of their attention, and Buck turned to look at a teary-eyed May looking at him. Doctor Copeland noticed the shift in Buck and turned to look at his sister as well.

"Is there something you'd like to say May? I know that hearing all of these firsthand from your brother can be quite jarring," she asked the young woman.

But May was already shaking her head as she wiped away her tears.

"It's nothing like that.. I just..," she trailed off before turning towards her brother.

"I am so proud of you, Buck," she said as she met his gaze.

Buck let out a surprisingly wet chuckle before a hesitant look fell on his face, and May was quick to speak before he could voice out whatever uncertainty he had about what she just said.

"You've come a long way and have been so brave along that way, Ev. You continue to fight the monsters you have in your head day in, and day out. And I am so proud of you for that. I witnessed how you tried to keep it together, I hear the words you never say out loud, and I see the real you shine whenever you're around the people who see you for you–me, Harry, Maddie, Mom, Carla, Denny, Christopher."

Buck looked at her like she hung the moon and the stars, and if he was being honest, May actually did.

For him.

She was always there in his darkest of days, and she was always there when he felt alone.

Not always physically, no. But her presence was always there.

He'd be in therapy while she was at work and it was like she just knew he needed someone because she'd call or text just as he would get into his Jeep after a session.

He released a shaky sigh before beckoning her closer and pulling her into a tight hug. "Thanks, May."

"Not for this, Ev. You never have to thank me for this," she replied as they pulled back.

Doctor Copeland gave the siblings a moment to themselves before addressing her patient again.

"So, Evan. What are your plans now that you have time on your hands?"

Buck piped up at the question and gave her a smile.

"Probably take a few classes. I heard that the local college has some interesting courses so I'd like to check those out. Work-wise, well.. Mom said that the precinct has an opening for a part-timer to man the front desk. And while it did pique my interest quite a bit, I declined."

Doctor Copeland nodded understandingly. "Was the suggestion a little too close for comfort?"

"A little bit, yeah," Buck admitted.

"I told her that I'd like to take a step back from the scene, you know? So yeah. She understood and I told her that I accepted an offer from the local swim coach that I had met a few times at the gym to facilitate swimming lessons for kids in the neighborhood. It's not much compared to firefighting, but at least it's something," Buck shared happily.

"That's great to hear, Evan. And how is your relationship with the water going?"

Buck smiled a bit as he gave his therapist a small nod. "It's getting pretty better. Not as you would expect, but good enough to be able to hop in a pool and help kids learn how to swim."

He watched as his therapist nodded at that, and he braced himself for the question that he knew was coming.

"Have you been to the beach since that night?"

At that, Buck bit his lip and nodded slowly.

"Once when May and Maddie finally filed a leave from work. We went to the beach together with Harry in Santa Monica just a few weeks ago actually. But other than that, no, I haven't gone back alone yet if that's what you're asking."

Doctor Copeland nodded with an understanding look in her eyes.

"You'll get there, Evan. But even if you don't, you've already made great progress. As May said, a lot of people are proud of you for it."

Buck nodded at that before turning to meet his sister's eyes again as he replied.

"I know."

The next few months passed by in a blur.

Buck had managed to juggle his time between spending time with his family, attending his sessions with Doctor Copeland, taking and finishing different short courses at the local college, and teaching kids to swim at the local swimming club.

It was an adjustment to get used to at the beginning, of course. But Buck easily found his routine with all the things he had with his time. The favorite thing in his routine if you'd ask him was definitely the time he would spend with his family.

He made it a point to always have a sibling date with each of his siblings, one group date with all three of them, a separate date for him and his mother, and another group date with all of them together.

The group dates weren't as hard to plan as the one-on-ones because they mostly just spend time either at the Grant-Nash home when Bobby was on shift where they just pop in a movie and have pizza and ice cream, or at Buck's loft where he would cook recipes he'd learned online for them.

The individual dates, on the other hand. Well, those dates weren't necessarily extravagant, though Buck did try to make them special every single time.

He'd taken Harry on a surprise laser tag date a few weeks back, knowing that his brother had been wanting to try it out for some time now but just didn't have the time between school and soccer practice. So he surprised him by picking him up at school and taking him to the laser tag center after getting their customary ice cream.

His date with May was quite interesting the last time they went out. He took her to an archery range which earned him a raised eyebrow the moment she realized where he had brought her for their date. Buck just beckoned her out of his Jeep and suffice to say that after their session, she was bragging about her two successful hits on the bull's eye on her first try as they ate ice cream afterward.

As for Maddie, he took her out for a karaoke date just a week ago. Sure, it wasn't that special. Buck knew she's had that kind of date before with Chim, even Josh. But he's always loved her singing, ever since they were just kids. He loved it when she'd sing him to sleep or really just sing to him just because he asked.

And then there was Athena.

Dates with his mother proved to be the most challenging for Buck to plan out. Sure, most of his dates with his siblings were also hard to plan out sometimes. But planning the ones with his mother always made him strive for something extra special.

The first few dates he took her to before included a classy dinner date downtown, a day trip during one of her days off, and even taking her to the shooting range he knew she frequented. Though, if he was honest, the last date he had with her was so far the most special one.

Buck surprised Athena by taking her on an exclusive wine-tasting tour date, and not only that, but he also bought her a bottle of the wine he noticed she took a liking to at the end of their tour.

And tonight was their agreed-upon schedule for another date. But as Buck stood outside the precinct waiting for her to get off her shift, thinking of the idea he had for tonight's date, he couldn't help but pick at the skin on the corner of his thumb.

It's been a little over six months since the beach incident and four since he last saw the team of his own volition. After session after session of therapy, going through the tangled web of traumas he had and managing to untangle and get himself free from those webs, Buck had finally allowed himself to meet with Chim, Hen, and Eddie gradually throughout the last few months.

They were talking again, yes. But Buck made sure to let them know that it didn't mean that everything was going back to the way it used to be because it wasn't. He frankly told them that he wasn't sure if it ever would but that he was willing to work on a cordial relationship with them for starters, and they readily accepted. After that, Buck would occasionally come to pick up Denny and Chris to join him and Harry to go to the movies, to the zoo, or even to the park every once in a while.

The only one he hasn't seen or met was Bobby.

And the last time he saw him, Bobby had told him that whenever he was ready, he was going to be there waiting for him to come to him.

For a moment, Buck wondered if the fire captain had given up hope or had gotten tired of waiting. But then he'd remember all the times Harry would whisper to him about how he heard Bobby asking their mother about him when he would stay at home.

Buck also knew May still had some issues with the man, and every now and then he made sure to remind her to let it go; that she didn't have to carry all that negativity with her for too long. His sister gave him one look and told him that she'd gladly carry it all on his behalf until she knew for sure that her stepfather wouldn't hurt him anymore.

And while May still gave Bobby the cold shoulder on his behalf, Harry, on the other hand, was far less cold than his sister towards the older man. The youngest understood the reason behind his sister's treatment towards their stepfather, but he couldn't just bring himself to treat the man in the same way.

A lot of people always said that Harry was so outgoing and very much like his father in a lot of ways, but he can also be so much like his mother when it came to the people he loved.

Buck remembered when May told him how Harry was quite frank with Bobby when he managed to confront their stepfather. She relayed what happened; told him how Harry told Bobby that he was liking him a little less because of what had happened with Buck but if he was willing to make it up to his older brother and treat him the way he would himself and May, then maybe he could like him a bit more as he usually would.

"Evan!" Athena's voice snapped him out of his thoughts as he looked up.

She was no longer in her uniform and was looking at him with eyes full of concern, and that's when Buck realized that she must have been trying to get his attention more than once.

"Hey, Mom," Buck greeted with a small smile.

Athena raised an eyebrow at him before sighing and reaching up to cup his cheek. "Everything okay, baby? You seemed a little too lost in your head back there. What's going on?"

Buck smiled and lightly shook his head.

"I'm okay, Mom. I promise. Just thinking about tonight," he answered softly, his gaze locking with his mother's.

"You know you don't have to take me somewhere all the time, right? I appreciate it, Buck, you know that I do. But really, I'm okay with just staying with you in the car talking about whatever comes up in your mind. You know I'm not that picky," Athena said as she gently pulled her hand back and gestured for him to follow her to her car as she passed him her keys.

"Actually," he began just as they were about to get into the car, pausing as he looked at his mother from the other side of the car, her expression curious.

"I was hoping to have someone join us tonight, if it's alright with you," Buck finished, eyes hopeful as he watched for her reaction.

Athena's eyebrows shot up to her hairline at that before she replied.

"I don't mind, baby. Though, I am curious where we're going for this group date and who will be joining us tonight."

Buck bit his lip before answering, knowing full well that his mother will figure it out the moment the words came out of his mouth.

A certain fire captain was on his day off until tomorrow after all.

"Home, Mom. We're going home," he replied softly.

As expected, Athena drew in a breath and looked at him longer than she should have, scrutinizing him and looking for whatever it was she was looking for in his eyes.

She must have found what she was looking for because she nodded her head before getting into the passenger seat. Buck let out a breath and nodded to himself before getting into the car as well.

Athena gave him a small proud smile as he turned to look at her. No words were needed because they both knew that he was finally ready for the conversation that was to come.

This wasn't the original plan he had for his date with his mother tonight.

He was planning to take her to that same beach in Malibu and do as she just suggested; stay in the car and just talk about whatever came to mind, and he was planning to talk about that night, too.

After six long months, Buck was finally ready to talk.

But he knew it wasn't his mother who he needed to talk to, and the last-minute change of plans felt like the right decision to be made.

Because he knew one other person needed to be included in that conversation.

Buck could only hope that Bobby was as ready for it as he was.