Oh, hey! Guess what time it is? Time for a brand-new update for "Beautiful and Dangerous"! In the last update, the Good Guys found out the robbers' lair is in Phoenix, Arizona and plan to defeat them by fighting their opposite genders. Now, let us see what our heroes are In for today! Enjoy!
In a hallway at the hideout, Senior Larry was humming La Cucaracha, and enters the bathroom. Massive pooping is heard outside the bathroom door. ARRRHHHH! Oohh! Must've been those Mexican burritos I had this morning." He gasps. "Aw, darn it! I dropped my cell phone in the toilet!" Shushing is heard. "Uhhhgh! It's so cold and it's under everything! Uhhgh. I feel like rooting around a picture of San Gria. Uhhgh! Where is it? Oh my God, why haven't I found it yet? Oh no, my feathers smell like junk. Uhhgh! Why didn't I flush when I got in here? UHHGH! This isn't even all mine! Oh no, there's a spider crawling up my face!" A slosh is heard. "ARRGH! WHY DIDN'T I USE THE WING THAT WAS ON THE FLOOR?! WHY DID I USE MY TOILET WING?! Oh, wait, here it is, behind the toilet. OH, CRAP! MY WING SMELLS LIKE CRAP! Uhhgh! This is gonna take a while."
In another hallway, Le Fifi was powdering her nose. "Whew! God! I'd better be clean if I'm gonna get the cops' attention again. Good thing those nasty animals don't know where we are. It'll take them a million years to find me and my Larry Warry."
Diane and Tarantula have found her. "Larry Warry?" The fox asked. "Really?"
"NOT YOU AGAIN!" Le Fifi screamed. "Why aren't you affect by my—Oh, shoot! I forgot! I can only affect men! Why didn't that stupid wizard hit me with a bisexual spell!?"
"Rope her!" Tarantula and Diane prepare to do that.
"Come here, mutt!" Diane exclaimed as she grabs the poodle's hair.
"HYAH!" Le Fifi exclaimed as she kicks Diane in the stomach. "HYAH!" She smacks her in the face. "I wasn't just a mannequin, you know. I am also a centuire noire in karate and this Asian fighting art of kung fu."
"What did she say?" Tarantula asked.
"I speak French." Diane translated. "She said she wasn't just a fashion model, and she is also a black belt in karate and kung fu."
"So, you're a master in kung fu, and yet you use good looks to get what you want?"
"I am not what you would call the violent type." Le Fifi said. "I normally let good looks handle my problems. Also, Larry does all the nasty fights for me, if though he solves conflicts via ripping off that Roadrunner from those 'Looney Tunes' cartoons. None of you reject collections can defeat moi. I can last long enough until my dear Lar-ry comes to my rescue."
In the bathroom, Senior Larry runs his wing in a sink to get the poop smell off of him. "Uhhgh! This is disgusting! Why must I be so estupido? But at least I got the phone, and I'm at least happy those good guys don't know where we are. It'll take them millions of years to find me and my Fidi-Wifi."
The male good guys find him. "Fifi-Wifi?" Snake asked. "Really?"
"YOU! How are you not affected by my—Oh, mierda! I forgot I only affect muchachas. Why didn't that wizard use bisexual spell?"
"Then he'd be bisexual himself, THAT'S why." Piranha remarked.
"But no mattr. You inadaptados cannot defeat me. It'll be a few moments before my Le Fifi comes to my rescue."
"Sorry, but our female members will be taking care of her." Shark said.
"Totally." Wolf agreed. "It's a battle of the genders for you and her. So, surrender, and no harm will come to you, Larry boy!"
"Ha! You have to capture me first, estupidoes!" The roadrunner taunted before zooming fast away.
"GET HIM!"
"But how're we gonna catch him?" Snake asked. "He's too fast!"
"Simple." Wolf said as he pulls out a magic wand. "We'll use this to teleport him back to us with this wand we borrowed from Blowhole!" He teleports Senior Larry back to them.
"Que diablos?" The roadrunner asked in shock. "How did I get here?"
"We're lucky we borrowed equipment from a dolphin magician." Piranha said.
Larry shrugs. "Pray for mercy! I HATE magicians!"
"Grab him!" Wolf commanded and grabs one of his wings, but then lets go. "EWW! WHY DOES YOUR WING SMELL LIKE POO?"
"Que humillante!" I had a bit of a situation earlier! I thought my phone was in the toilet, only to discover it was behind the toilet, then a spider was on my face and I accidentally used the smelly wing, and it was a moy el bado day."
"Wow." Snake commented. "Epic fail on your part."
"Thanks for the uncalled-for insult, el ugly one! Now, to ensure you don't cheat again!" He quickly steals the wand with speed and escapes!
"Aw, fudge, now we really do have to chase him!" Piranha groaned.
"What'll we do now?" Shark asked.
"I have a plan." Wolf answered before taking a mine cart off a track, putting it on the ground and attaching jet packs and fireworks on it. "Voila, fini! We'll catch this guy like there's no tomorrow. Plus, it comes with extra fireworks!" He presses a button and more rockets pop out of the fireworks.
"Are you sure you can operate that thing?" Snake asked with concern. "It seems a little dangerous."
"Does THIS answer your question?" The wolf presses a button, and the mine cart takes off.
"Uh, Wolf, we probably should've been on that." Piranha spoke up.
"Darn!"
"Well, you only get one chance and a first impression." Shark commented.
"ARIBA?! ONDELAY!" Senior Larry shouted as he appears behind them, causing them except Wolf to scream and jump to the ceiling. "HAH! I'm too much!" He blocks Wolf's attack with his wing, and then smacks him away, then sticks his tongue out like Road Runner from the "Looney Tunes" cartoons. "HAH! I was too busy behind a racecar driver until this stupid wizard made me too attractive to work. Anyway, see you later!" He zooms off.
"We have to catch him!" Piranha declared.
"How?" Snake asked. "He's too fast!"
"Hey, guys?" Wolf called. "Over here?" He points out huge mine carts that lead down the tunnel Larry went down. "This'll work."
"Wolf!" Shark exclaimed with glee. "YOU'RE A GENIUS!"
"Of course. Otherwise, I wouldn't be the leader. Now let's catch this bird." The wolf takes out rocket jets and attaches them to the carts while his friends hop inside the mine carts.
"Hey, c'mon!" Snake complained to Piranha. "I should get the front seat! You got the front seat last time."
"Oh, you're right, sorry." Piranha apologized and both switch places. "HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! There WAS no last time!"
"Alright, Wolf, launch!" Shark shouted and they take off after Senior Larry.
Larry sees the Good Guys persuing him. "Que diabloas? How is that even possible?!"
"Snake! Gun me!" Wolf ordered his second-in-command.
Snake takes out a gun and points at the roadrunner.
"Alright, you ripoff! Stop now and we won't bother getting our hands bloody."
"But only you have hands." Snake reminded.
"If I had a nickel for every time I heard that. Now STOP, you undergrown ostrich!"
"Puh-lease!" Larry taunted. "Like you could shoot me. You can barely even catch me." He dodges Wolf's gunfire and bazooka fire and then jumps on the mine carts, dodges each of the Good Guys' attacks and smacks the gun and bazooka out Wolf's paws. "Vigilantes like YOU shouldn't be using guns." Snake attacks, but Larry jumps out of the way in slow motion, then kicks him with his talon and continues running off. "Lastima!"
"I got him!" Wolf stretches his arm out and tries grabbing the roadrunner, but Larry stops running as the mine carts pass right by him. "WHAT THE-?!" The wolf looks behind him.
"Adios, losers!" Larry taunted before zooming the other way.
"DARN IT!" Snake exclaimed in frustration. "We lost him!"
"I don't think so!" Piranha declared before taking out dynamite and throwing it on the tracks.
"PIRANHA, ARE YOU CRAZY?!" Shark screamed.
"Wait for it!"
The dynamite explodes as the mine carts approach it and flip sideways, then point the other way. The rocket jets thrust them forward.
"Yikes!" Wolf shouted. "That was unexpected."
"But now, we're back on track." Snake stated.
"Aw, c'mon, man!" Larry complained when he sees they're still after him and then seeing a series of multiple tunnels. "Ha! I'll lose them here!" The roadrunner goes into a tunnel that has no tracks.
"Oh, no, you don't!" Piranha yelled before taking out dynamite that destroys the trackway, allowing the Good Guys to go off the rails and pursue Larry.
"No puedo creerlo!" Larry exclaimed in Spanish when he looks behind to see that the Good Guys are still gaining. "They're outfoxing me no matter what I do!" He sees a darker tunnel at the end of the area. "This always gets them." He goes inside as well as the males.
Various hitting sound effects are heard and the males are seen smacked into a huge red truck exiting the tunnel.
"WHAT THE HELL'S A TRUCK DOING ALL THE WAY OUT HERE?!" Shark exclaimed.
"It's part of the roadrunner and coyote long line of jokes and comedy!" Snake answered.
"USTED CHUPA, EL LOSERS!" Senior Larry taunted in the distance before laughing and bursting into song. "You suck and I rule, nanny-nanny boo-boo!" He laughs until he gets burned to a crisp. "AARRGH!" He interjects upon seeing he has no feathers. "Dios mio, I'm naked!"
"Now THAT'S what I call Mexican BBQ." Piranha said, holding a can of bug spray in front of a match that was lit before he and the other males pin him down.
"You're not gonna get away this time, you son of a gun."
Meanwhile, Diane and Tarantula are still battling Le Fifi, who is still hanging on strong and fighting hard, and the fox and tarantula are getting stressed and tired.
"I exercise every single day to be at this shape!" The French-accented poodle taunted. "I never get tired!"
"I thought you got that way because you keep making yourself throw up!" Diane exclaimed.
"That is just a stereotype, and it has been proven that it's an unhealthy method these days!"
"Let's just get this whore!" Tarantula declared before attacking, but Fifi grabs her by the leg, punches her and throws her to the wall.
Then Diane attacks, but Le Fifi grabs her by the feet, spins her around and throws her to the wall. "SERIOUSLY, LADY, THE WALL THING IS GETTING OLD!"
"How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" Tarantula asked in a dizzy daze before fainting.
Diane gets up sprays a bunch of needles at Fifi who dodges them with swiftness and gracefulness in slow motion. "WHAT?!"
"Is that the best you've got?" The poodle taunted. "I've seen sharper needles on a sea urchin with a bad hairdo."
"WHAT KIND OF LINE IS THAT?"
"Actually, I heard that from my father. He was a kung fu master from China who married a French poodle. Anyone else want some?"
Tarantula charges, but Fifi kickflips her into the ceiling! "Well, at least it's not the over-used wall trick."
Diane runs towards Fifi, but the poodle beats her up and she gets flung to the floor. "She's whooping us good!"
"There's gotta be something we can do to catch her!"
"Like what?"
"Frankly, I am somewhat disappointed." Le Fifi said. "I mean, this is what Fang has been bested by time and time again?"
"Oh, we're not done here!" Tarantula and Diane jump onto the poodle. "PIN HER DOWN!"
Fifi manages to beat them down. "HAH! You think you can use numbers on me? RIDICULOUS!" The tarantula and the fox try their best to catch the poodle, but she is just too skillful to capture. "Donnez encore inscrit?" She asked in French.
Diane tries getting up and saying something, but she collapses in exhaustion.
"I win!" Fifi laughed before suddenly getting zapped by an unknown bolt of electricity. "YA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-R-R-R-R-R-R-RGH!" She faints.
"What the-?" The two females see that Officer Axle, still wearing the glasses, has zapped her.
"Not bad for two girls, but not good enough." He said. "I'll take it from here."
"Well, for once, thank goodness YOU arrived." Diane said.
"Don't bother, foxy! Anyway, Le Fifi, you're under arrest for bank robbery." He cuffs the poodle and places a ski mask on her so she won't affect anymore men and chains the ski mask to her head. "But where's Senior Larry?"
"We got him!" A voice answered. Everyone turns around to see the male Good Guys with Senior Larry.
Tarantula ends up in a trance upon seeing the attractive roadrunner. "SO HANDSOME!"
Axel chains a ski mask onto Larry's head. "And that's enough attractiveness out of YOU, you total ripoff. By the way, you're under arrest." He cuffs him.
"I hate my life." Larry muttered.
"I normally don't say something like this, but I have to somewhat confess. You Good Guys did good, and that's the closest thing any of you will hear something nice out of me PERIOD! But still, you two females did a good job distracting Fifi long enough for yours truly to give the final blow. So, I guess it's arguably something."
"Please, none of you understand." Fifi pleaded. "We are only doing this because that awful cobra did this to us! He made us too attractive for our own jobs. A weird sense of irony there. We were only robbing banks to get it back."
Axle laughs like an idiot. "And you thought causing the economy to become worse than it was and cause banks to go out of business was gonna fix everything for you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, robbing banks all over America is NOT gonna get you anywhere. If you REALLY wanted payback on Fang, and I normally recommend this, but what you SHOULD'VE done was become vigilantes and try and capture Fang by yourselves. You had attractiveness, so you were sure to get enough people to help you do that. But NOOOOOOOOOOO, you decided that money will get you on the right track."
"Oh, woe is me. I-I-I didn't know about that."
"We're so sorry, everyone." Larry apologized. "We should've known better."
"Well, that attractiveness spell Fang placed upon you prevented that." Tarantula stated.
"Sorry isn't enough, mister." Snake spat. "You must return the money you stole back to where they belong."
"If it's any consolation, we'll see if we can find a cure for the corruption placed upon you." Piranha suggested.
"Well, it depends on what kind of corruption levels the attractiveness spell bared." Shark said. "We weren't able to ask Blowhole how strong those levels were."
"I'm guessing strong enough that they actually thought robbing honest peoples' money was gonna help them." Axle said. "You guys can do your latest 'reform' project all you want, but these clowns are heading to separate prisons!"
"WHAT?!" Larry and Fifi exclaimed in unison.
"Look, it's kind of a rule. Guys go to guy prisons while ladies head to chick prison."
"No, no! Please!" Fifi cried as her tears caused her makeup to melt. "You can't separate us! Each other's all we had!"
"Hey, I wasn't the one who decided women and men have to go to separate prisons!"
"You can never tear us apart!" Larry pleaded.
"Watch me!"
"But—" Fifi started.
"Axle, why must you be so rude to the criminals we catch?" Chief Misty Luggins asked.
"But you know that—" Axel started to answer but was cut off.
"I won't take any chances for these two to be separated far away from each other and let them be depressed. They shall go to one prison that legally houses both males and females."
"But—"
"But nothing! They're heading to that prison, end of story. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes."
"Maybe next time you meet the Good Guys, you'll be a bit more nicer to them. And as for you two, I'm not gonna let Axle treat you two like pigs."
"Really?" Fifi asked. "I heard you weren't such a nice cop, mademoiselle.
"Not when I'm angry, no. I'm gonna put you two in a prison where both males and females can legally stay. You'll both be able to see each other every week, and for you well-concerned understanding to your choices, you'll be able to sit together in the cafeteria."
"Why, thank you very much, amigo." Larry thanked the police chief.
"Don't spill it, Larry. Now, take them away." The cops lead the two robbers away. "Good Guys, I wanna thank you for another victory."
"Sure thing, chief." Wolf replied.
"And I hope you do make that cure soon. With that magic still inside them, they might easily be coerced by another villain. All they have to do is say the right words, and those two would be doing tricks for them."
"Oh, don't worry." Snake said. "They hate Fang for what he has done to them, and we don't know any villain that would be interested in an attractiveness spell charmed duo anyway."
As the Good Guys and Misty left, they were unaware that they were watched by Dr. Fang in the shadows. "Maybe those two would be of help to me someday. I will come for you soon enough." He thinks before vanishing in the darkness again before anyone is the wiser.
The Good Guys have officially captured the robber duo once and for all! Hooray! But I'm afraid this isn't where the story ends. There's still one final chapter left! "Beautiful and Dangerous" will end come next update. Please review, thanks!