Chapter summary: A different take on that scene where Chiyuki is released from the hospital in chapter three.

Drown with me in feelings.

I do not own Naruto.

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state of grace

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It happened on an innocent looking day, when Tooru's head had been full of clan training and clan meetings and the clan and the clan and-

"Tooru-niichan?" The nine year old was shaken out of scrambled thoughts by Chiyuki herself, who was looking up at him with bright, hopeful eyes. He knew he was already going to say yes to whatever she asked of him. The clan heir swallowed all his thoughts down and put on a cheerful grin for his younger siblings, feeling content when both their expressions lit up.

"Yes, Peanut?"

"Mother said we can go out to eat today. Where do you want to go?"

Tooru may not be as bright as his sister, but he wasn't a fool. He could see the way Biwako favored her youngest child, and their father was too busy to really notice anything. Sometimes, he felt as if he should be angry at them and throw a tantrum, demanding all the siblings were treated equally regardless of their gender or potential. Usually, though, he knew better, and he knew Asuma knew too.

Their Chiyuki was a bright, bright child, and she would have been their mother's favorite even if she weren't a bit of a prodigy. He felt as if their mother couldn't help but dote on the youngest, going so far as to compare the three children and telling the boys to follow their sister's example, but any kind of protest he could have done died on his tongue as soon as he noticed the young girl flinch minutely every time that happened. She then would always look at them with wide, hopeful eyes, begging them to forgive her and to understand she wasn't doing it on purpose.

And he knew it was taking its toll on her.

He could see it in the way she acted like a completely different person when it was just the three of them, how it was only then that she felt comfortable enough to truly act like the child she was, free of their mother's watchful and demanding gaze. Tooru also knew that, as the woman's main focus, his sister took the brunt of all the expectations and pressure of the clan.

So he would become clan head. He would become clan head and he would have a very interesting chat with his elders about limits and pressuring children during peace times. He would become a strong shinobi and protect his siblings from all the inside and outside dangers, no matter what he had to sit through.

For the two children walking side by side towards the center of their village, the silence that often existed between them was familiar and comfortable. For the youngest, especially, walking through the streets between her brothers had made her feel better instantly; Tooru's grip on her hand as they walked through easily recognizable streets and greeted vaguely familiar faces made it that much more real.

In the hospital, she had felt like a stranger in her own skin, uncertain of her place and her goal. Now, however, with the solid and firm grip of her oldest brother's hand in hers, Chiyuki felt whole again. She felt like she belonged here, with her beloved people, and that her goal was clear.

"What's that look for, Peanut?" She turned to look at her brother, feeling his own gaze full of mischief and curiosity. She answered with a grin of her own and a skip in her step.

"Nothing." Chiyuki answered innocently, adding when she felt Tooru's suspicious gaze. "I was just thinking that I know what I want to be when I grow up."

A sense of dread slowly filled his stomach and turned it into stone, but the boy made sure to not show any of it to his companion. Instead, he lifted one curious eyebrow. "Oh? And what would that be?"

"I'm going to be hokage, Tooru-niisan."

In that moment, Tooru was sure she'd become the leader of their village. His Peanut was smart and strong enough to earn the title with ease if that's what she truly wanted. Chiyuki would be one of their greatest kage so far, he knew. Yet, the boy also had an idea of the arduous path that his little sister would need to go through. He imagined little Peanut with the same tired eyes as their father, the weight of a nation on her shoulders, as well as the notion she'd always have to put their village first. Always.

"O-oh?" To his credit, Tooru barely stuttered in his step, mind already whirling. "And why's that, Peanut?"

It was through her sharp gaze on him that he knew she'd noticed his hesitation, but thankfully didn't mention it. Instead, she hummed lightly just as the Hokage Tower came into view, its height and color making it easily visible to all the villagers.

"For a number of reasons. Konoha is a good place to live, but it can be a great one. It just hasn't reached its full potential yet."

The nine year old felt like weeping.

His classmates once had whispered about geniuses; precocious children who thought like adults and gained strength faster than any of their peers. At the time, Tooru hadn't given any mind to that, dismissing it as rumours the elders insisted on spreading. At three years old, however, Chiyuki - tiny, tiny Peanut, his precious little sister, the one he'd watched struggle through her first year of life and who looked at him with so much adoration it hurt - already thought like a kage, and that was terrifying.

"Niisan?" Her hesitant voice reached his ears, and he cursed the long pause in their conversation. "Do you… not approve?"

The clan heir took no time in stopping and kneeling down in front of the younger kid, putting his hands on her shoulders and willing his gaze to convey all the complicated feelings that were making a fool out of himself. His little Peanut fought so hard for their mother's approval already; he would not make her fight for his, no matter how scared he was of the future. If Chiyuki wanted to be hokage, he'd just have to make sure he and Asuma were there with her every step of the way.

"It's not about approval, Peanut." He said gently, making sure she was paying attention to him and ignoring all the looks of the passersby. "It's about fear, and how much I'm scared for you. I know you will be a great hokage, I just know it. I just… worry." He finished lamely, still keeping his grip on her shoulders.

His sister, however, only smiled sweetly at him. She looked so much like their mother, yet so different. Their eyes, however the same they might look like, were increasingly different in their weight and kindness; whereas he mostly saw expectations and tiredness in Biwako's eyes, in Chiyuki's he saw love and a will to protect so strong it might just rival his.

"Don't worry, Tooru-nii. I'm going to protect you."

For the first time since he was four, Tooru felt like curling into a ball and crying.

Hey if I'm going to suffer when I write Tooru then my readers are too #sorrynotsorry