Experience

???

The neon trap, the neon state. The beast with seven heads, whatever you called it. Once it grabbed you it never let go, only pulling you further and further into the abyss. Work for the corpos or bust your ass in the streets, maybe become an Edgerunner and end up like the rest of em. All to feed yourself, to stay alive.

To stay human.

That fundamental coercion, it wasn't something you could fight without facing the logical conclusion.

Death.

Whether it be by starvation, depression, or by the hands of a corporate merc. You don't last long as something more than a cog.

Tumbling through the bathroom stall, she held herself up on the sink and centered herself by gripping the sides tightly. She looked up weakly and caught her own sour expression, her violet eyes drowned out by faint eyebags. Her makeup washed away slowly throughout the day and revealed something lesser. Her pitch black hair ran far down her shoulders and was frazzled enough to be imperfect.

It wasn't good enough, never good enough.

A burning sensation in her chest, vomit ran from her throat and burned the inside of her mouth as she excreted into the sink. Her lunch washed down the drain as the automated sink system went into effect. She slapped the pills away, falling onto the ground.

She eyed her status pop ups in the mirror. Cortisol levels, heart rate, calorie intake… High, too high, too low.

'What's new?'

An interface appeared in the corner of her vision, "Call from: Jackie Welles." Which she promptly declined, shaking her head and reaching down to cup the running water.

Washing her face down several times and getting rid of the makeup hiding her blemishes, she sighed and shut her eyes tightly. Rubbing her face as she breathed in, "Fuck…" She murmured before shaking her head, stepping away from the sink and running into another woman.

She apologized quickly but not quickly enough apparently. The woman eyed her up and down and snorted, "Is Arthur's lapdog doing alright up there?" The corpo asked, rapping her knuckles against the side of her head and laughing.

She noticed the information on the mirror before it was replaced with her own, the woman scoffed. "Don't push yourself, V, I always told you that you weren't cut out for this line of work." She then began to apply makeup, carefully crafting the most artificial look imaginable.

V exited the bathroom and leaned back against the door, scowling. "I'm sure you're the best judge of that… Blowjobs and promotions go hand and hand after all." She stuffed her hands in her pocket and moved, sitting still for too long would definitely get her a write up. Whatever that mattered now.

She had to face the truth, the one person in this world that she trusted just got skewered and left for dead by none other than the Devil of Arasaka. Didn't even need to cover it up, that bastard sitting on the top of Arasaka tower killed whoever he wanted and there was nothing anyone could do about it. She had to get chummy with the replacement, maybe find another field who'll accept her.

'First gotta get checked out, with Arthur gone…'

...

Clacking, a type of stuttering clicks emanating from the woman's finger tips, the front-desk manager. "So, you want to transfer? You have less than a year of experience and think you have what it takes? Don't make me laugh." She didn't even look up at her from the computer she was looking at, mindlessly typing away.

V didn't move from her spot, her eyes blinking slowly as she swallowed. The manager finally looked up, a flash of interment annoyance and disgust through her eyes. Cursing, she reached for a specific type of chip and tossed it onto the floor.

V greedily picked up the chip, wrapping her hands around it and holding it closely.

The manager rolled her eyes, "Get back to me when you finish the program, I'll consider-"

The scent of burning wires and smoking circuitry, V fell back and scampered away from the sparkling fountain that once was a woman. Just another human being. V looked on in mute shock as the corpse fell on the ground, flatlined by someone who hated or envied her, maybe someone who wanted her position. That was all life meant up here, you're in the way? Goodbye.

'Everywhere I look it's the same fucking story…'

The lights were dizzying now, she used a wall to hold herself up from falling. The surface was so slick and perfectly clean that she met the ground trying to hold herself up, she tasted copper in her mouth as blood ran down from her nostrils.

A sanitary bot beeped over her, sensing the blood splatter on the ground. "HALT: Cleaning services, here's a tissue!" It handed her a tissue and directed her away, cleaning up any drops of blood on the ground just like it was programmed to.

V stumbled through the halls of Arasaka tower still, a weight of judgment on her shoulders.

"She's Arthur's toy, poor girl lost her only shot." Fake sympathy.

"Look at that unsightly expression, call me prude but it is not fitting for an Arasaka employee."

"Move it bitch!"

A hand shoved her out of the way, she felt like biting back at him but in the state she was it would only make it worse. Just… Just needed to get out, Arthur was gone, she was next if she kept pushing herself.

Finally she made it to an elevator, leaning on the guard rails to support herself she rubbed her temple and shut her eyes tightly.

A message appeared in the corner of her vision, 'C'mon V give me something, you alright?' Always worrying, always trying to help out… Didn't he get it?

...

'im fine Jackie, just gotta get home and get to bed.'

Jackie didn't try again after that.

Warmth ran between the crook of her neck and down her back, steam rising from the ground and removing the filth from her body. Her raven hair fell down in a mop of darkness over her vision, rivulets of water dancing between each strand.

She willed the faucet to turn off, the door to the shower opening upon her command and jets of warm hot air washed over her body to dry her quickly. V picked up a towel and made a towel wrap around her head to hold her hair in. The cold floor was welcomed. Anything to make her feel.

Glancing to the mirror, she sighed and pinched her hip bone sticking out of her side just barely. Her skin sickly pale, black tattoos ran all down her body from head to toe. Nothing she couldn't hide. She wasn't short, not tall either.

'Maybe I could do with being shorter…' She eyed her hip bone again before shaking her head. Flicking through the interface on her visual display, she ordered food and exited out into her personal pad. Nothing you wouldn't expect from a corpo.

Nothing special.

Drying her hair, she stopped at her desk and eyed a black book cover sitting at the center, a headset hanging next to it.

She pursed her lips, blinking a few times before running her hands over the hardcover. "Hey old friend, you collect any dust?" She laughed at her rambling, rolling her eyes.

The book had her namesake etched into it, a large golden V. When she abandoned her old name, when she accepted this new. It was fitting.

'But that was a long time ago.'

Changing direction, her hand grabbed a BD headset, V tossed the towel away and laid down, the perfect fabric and auto softening mattress releasing the knots in her shoulders and neck. The familiar feeling of the BD sliding on while whirring to life.

V relaxed onto the bed, sighing and letting her hair wash over the sheets. Her lips released the slightest of statements as the BD almost finished.

"I curse my stars in bitter grief and woe, That made my love so high and me…"

"So low."

The real world was chased away by a brighter one. Her dread chased away for just a moment by hope.

Most people using braindances wanted to see their wildest fantasies lived out, they saw through the eyes of rich and famous people who lived a life of luxury and purpose. They wanted a taste of that world to help them forget, forget who they are, where they are in life. To run away. To sexual fantasies, even the most morbid.

They can even show you recorded deaths and murders, feel the detachment of a.killer as they shove a sword through an innocent man's chest. All inside a recorded memory for the enjoyment of others.

You feel everything, you see everything.

And that made it real.

Instead of any of that, she wanted to see something more… More than the life they had, greater than all of it. The things and places they've lost to time, a world that no longer existed. To use the braindance for something deeper than just carnal desire.

Instead, she wanted to see beauty.

Venice, 2013, before the floods. The recording was shakier than most, less refined due to its age but it added to the charm. She could faintly feel the warmth of the setting sun as it fell on the city, water passages running all through. The woman she was watching through was sitting on a gondola with her white dress. Across from her was a man as dazzling as the orange sun above them, they were getting married.

The water was cool blue, a crystal-like glow that always fascinated her… Her eyes were implants to make them seem brighter than the dull brown she was born with, but when she looked into the water and saw a different face looking back up at her… It was exhilarating.

She was addicted to that blue.

V could smell the algae, especially during low tide. She sped up the footage to reach the sunset, the golden glow of the star that kept them all alive shining above the two newly weds as they exited into a wider canal with several other gondolas. Her disembodied form watched over them, how golden their skin was, how bright their gaze was. She could feel every delightful expression.

In this world before the current, in a different place, in a different time. The two lovers kissed

Her lips quivered, tears running down her face as she watched the two embrace each other in the ok ight of the setting sun. She could feel their adoration for each other, that they truly knew one another. Saw one another…

Time flashed forward again, the stars come out over a city without much light pollution. You couldn't see stars in the sky here, and she's never been out of Night City. But the sight of the stars, the moon, that comforting blue. Her disembodied form stepped onto the water and while not creating ripples, she strolled until she stood in the reflection of the moon.

Her naked form did not reflect in the water below, yet she felt as if she was there all the same. There was no life that she knew that compared with this… This world.

She rose up high into the sky, as far as the limits of the braindance would allow her. "To see a World in a Grain of Sand and a Heaven in a Wild Flower…" She whispered while looking over the city from above, the stars reflected in the canvas below.

Her eyes shot towards the heavens and she reached up to the sky, to the stars, to the moon. "To Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand…"

"And Eternity…"

She tried to capture all of it in her hand, to grasp it.

"In an hour."

But… She was finite. This view was finite. Limited. The braindance ended and in a flash she was back inside her home, the dreary muted world she'd gotten used to. Slipping from her hand like a grain of sand, eternity could not be contained by an hour.

And infinity could not be contained in the palm of her hand. It was too much.

The blue escaped her.

She tore the headset off, sighing. There was no place like that anymore, not for them.

The delivery boy was shocked to see her in a state of nude when she opened the door, he didn't even ask for a tip. She rolled her eyes and put the bag of food stuff on the counter before willing the lights to turn down, she left for the bathroom again and ran the tub this time.

She saw her own muted expression in the mirror again, this time she didn't throw up. Not that she could if she wanted to.

"You always told me I'd be rotting in hell besides you, Jenkins."

Jackie

Her name was V, she was 23 years old. Her best friend was him, Jackie Welles, and they've known each other since they were kids, well, since she was a kid. Tiny little thing she was when they first met in a shirt way too big for her, but smart, so very smart.

Even when her hair was so gangly and longer than her body was tall so that you could only see one eye poking out from beneath those waves, he saw that intelligence. He knew she was smart and he let her know that too, building her up from the low confidence girl she was.

Momma always made her feel like it was home, they made it home for her.

In the street, he was the brawn, she was the brains. That's how it worked for a long long time, but… As they got older, V worked hard to get out of this life, studying Philosophy and existential jargon he just couldn't wrap his head around. By the time she was nineteen she managed to get an internship with some Arasaka program even without proper schooling.

Jackie was happy for her, don't get it twisted. But also scared, he didn't want to lose his 'Little chica' to the clutches of the corporate world, so he kept an eye on her while he worked as a merc in the streets. Always there to lend a helping hand when needed or to do any dirty work. Just to let her know that he was still there.

Even when V tried to cut herself off from everyone, he knew she was hurting. Pulling yourself up from the bootstraps well, it tended to hurt.

And after today, he knew he had to see her. Misty, his girlfriend, knew it too. Little V was not in good hands at the moment.

Which led him to a tall penthouse building, too fancy for him. He rapped against the door he knew was V's and put his hands together, "Ey! Despierta a la mierda! Let me in, V." He shouted through the door.

Jackie was a tall man, built like a bear too. He could go far if he decided to drop everything and go psycho, his body was built for chrome but he always held himself back. He had Momma Welles and Misty to watch out for, not to mention the 'chica' in question.

But damn was he getting tired of waiting, he reached for the door handle only to find…

Jackie grunted, raising a brow. 'It's unlocked? Shit .'

V never kept her door unlocked when she went to bed.

Without hesitation he barreled through the sliding door, bending it as he rushed into the penthouse. His eyes darted around and he saw the untouched foodstuff, the bed was empty with just discarded clothing littered over it, the bathtub was running. Jackie let out a sigh of relief before something washed against soles.

Glancing down, he saw water.

…

" Fuck. "

The door offered little resistance to his destructive machine of a body, he tore it off its hinges without even bothering to see if it was locked and practically threw himself into the bathroom. "Shit… V! No no no, dios no!" He cried.

Her arm hanging outside the tub, her head submerged beneath the water as it overflowed and ran over and onto the ground below. The water was freezing cold and Vs skin was paler than usual. Jackie had to act quickly.

Turning off the faucet, Jackie hastily reached underneath her submerged body and snaked his arms around her neck and beneath her legs. Bringing her up and drenching himself with water, he held the much smaller woman to his chest. 165 CM of nothing, she weighed nothing.

"Shit V, have you been eating?" He asked to no response, she wasn't even shivering from the cold.

She wasn't even breathing.

Jackie brought her out and laid her on the bed, his eyes darting throughout the room. He's alone, damnit. The large Latino shook his head and slapped his cheeks before grunting and pressing his hands together, he leaned over her body with his knee between V's legs and his hands pressed together.

"Gonna have to do this the old fashioned way, perdona mi V!" He cried and began the compressions, sloppy, inefficient probably, but he had to try.

Pressing down over her left breast, he gave her a dozen or so compressions before breathing air into her mouth, her lips were cold and it scared him to death. He continued to pump her chest, each compression drawing more dread into his heart.

His lips quivered as he swallowed, her bed was soaked. "Damnit V, wake up already! You think this is funny?" He shook her face, shoving her head against the sheets and yelling out. He breathed in and pressed his mouth over hers again, he had to get through this.

He wasn't gonna lose her.

Spit, his face. She spat on his face, coughing and shooting up, V was up. The pressure on his shoulders fell away into nothing as she propped herself up on her arm and continued to cough, his smile ear to ear.

Her faint voice between coughs, "Jackie?"

He released a huge breath of relief, "Holy shit V…" He said while taking his jacket off, wrapping it around her shoulders as she began to shiver, "You really had me going there for a sec, pedazo de mierda!" He laughed and slapped her shoulder while she coughed still.

"Right…"

Jackie quickly got up and grabbed a towel from the pantry as well as the bag of food she ordered, wrapping the towel over her and placing the food down. "You need to eat something my friend."

V settled her cough and refused to make eye contact with him, "I'm fine Jackie-"

"Don't give me that shit, save it for some of your corpo buddies." He said bitterly, always the one to wear his emotions on his sleeve. The audacity to say that, it pissed him the hell off.

'She's lucky momma Welles ain't here.'

She'd get an earful from her.

Noticing her reservation, Jackie dropped his glare and wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled V against him, "I told you little chica, I'll always have your back. You don't gotta face this shit alone." He tried to be comforting, "You aren't having doubts about this life are ya?"

He wished she said yes.

V shook her head, "There's nothing I can do about it, I just have to take it up the ass and say thank you." She growled out while her teeth clattered, the lights dimming under her mental command.

She curled further and further into herself, hugging her knees. "When the Devil Of Arasaka calls, you stay away from that hell." She murmured against her bare skin, sniffling.

"The devil? Shit V, you don't mean…" Her silence spoke volumes, his brows furrowing. Grunting, he adjusted the towel and pulled her closer, shaking his head and sighing heavily. She just needed him to be there, no words. Just let her know he's there. Just like usual.

He just needed to give her that solace, that safety. The corpo world was eating her up inside, and all he could do was watch.

'Mierda…'

What a shit show.

V

It was easier when you weren't alone, dread had the most power when it got to you when you had no one, because no one would be able to hold you up when you fall.

But... She had Jackie, maybe she'd forgotten too much.

'I put the street behind me, but the past doesn't really die so easily, does it?'

Jackie was playing a game on the couch just like he used to when they were younger, his frustration after getting killed by the same boss made her smile slightly. A salty fry melted on her tongue and caused her stomach to rumble, she really hadn't been eating enough.

She was getting skinny, really skinny… She couldn't afford to be skinny, not in her line of work. Being frail was a death sentence.

Musings broken, "¡Un juego de mierda con hitbox de basura!" She flinched at Jackie's voice echoing through her room, he threw the controller onto the couch and cracked his neck like he was about to square up with the TV screen.

V rolled her eyes, laughing. "It's just a game Jackie."

His grimace lightened at the sound of her laugh, "Yeah well fuck that game." He said simply before raising a nagging finger towards her. "Don't tell me you haven't touched your food."

V shoved a fry in her mouth, "I'm eating I'm eating, stop mothering me."

He flashed her a half grin, his Brutish face somehow seeming friendly. "Not a chance, pendejo."

V was quiet after that, slowly replenishing her energy with the food she ordered. She wore a casual get up, jeans and a white T-shirt that was too big for her. She forgoed a bra. Feeling the hunger after the past few weeks of her repressing it was… Daunting to say the least. She almost wanted to call Jackie a bastard for not coming over sooner.

But she couldn't blame him, she'd been pretty standoffish for the past year.

"So." Jackie said suddenly, staring at the ceiling.

"So?"

Jackie gave her a flat look, "Tell your big bro what happened."

She rolled her eyes, checking her nails absently. "Jenkins got flatlined, didn't even see it coming." V admitted dryly, her mood sour. Trying to stay optimistic in a world where your life meant less than numbers on a screen… Well.

Let's just say she hadn't kept that promise to herself.

Jackie whistled, blowing out air through his mouth. "Jenkins? Mierda… Really?"

V shrugged, nodding with a slight frown. "Yeah, really. Felt like he was the only one who I could rely on up there, he kept our relationship distant but I could tell he kinda had me under his wing." They trusted each other, he trusted her. She'd earned that, he told her that himself..

Jackie looked away, his eyes blinking in contemplation. "A guy like that… Top brass and all, only-"

V Hopped over the couch and took a seat, changing the channel with a mental command. "Only someone like the devil of Arasaka could do something like that so casually. Yeah, just skewered him on the top of the building and left him to bleed out." She confirmed coldly, the news flickering in her eyes.

Jackie pursed his lips, deflating. "Cold. Can't say I didn't expect that though, that guy has always been ruthless." He said while watching the news pop up on screen, a shootout of some kind near turbo's bar.

Nothin new.

Something else interested her, she elbowed Jackie, "You knew him?"

Jackie chuckled at that, turning his eyes away from the news and guffawing even louder. "Knew him? Nobody knew him, people saw him. That kid was a legend in his own right before he even stepped foot in Arasaka."

'A legend huh?' V scowled.

He buckled under her glare at calling him a "legend", waving her off with a nervous laugh. "Hey. He was back then, a silver haired kid with no chrome. Always looking for a fight, always looking to destroy something or someone."

And that someone ended up being the someone.

V leaned back into her couch, scrunching up her nose. "That's when he met Smasher, wasn't it?"

Jackie cackled, slapping his knee and clutching his chest. "Met? Met ?!? That's what the coverups say, the truth of what happened that day only us mercs know." His laughter trailed off at V's serious look, her questioning glare silencing his grin.

Jackie got serious. "He didn't meet Smasher, he tore him apart. Didn't even use the fancy sword of his, nah. He used his tiny little hands to tear him into pieces."

Jackie seemed convinced that was the case, with every fiber of his being. But V wasn't convinced, "How could a… What was he, twelve?" Jackie nodded.

V laughed bitterly, "How in the hell, crazy shit happens but- A ganic kid beating Adam Smasher? I've only heard about him in passing but…" It was so absurd, the idea was anesthetic.

A lot of crazy shit had happened in this city, but a kid… A kid with a sword dumpstering what was otherwise the Boogeyman of Night City, it just wasn't rational. There had to be another explanation, a reason for it. Jackie seemed convinced that it was just a feat of pure strength, that the kid purposely didn't use his only weapon.

Maybe that's why Arasaka held him in such high regard?

Jackie smirked, "Why do you think Smasher hasn't been seen for a while? He got punked and had to be picked back up piece by piece. Meirdes, probably even more of a borg than before to compensate, hah!"

Suddenly V realized something, if Vergil was only twelve at that time… That was six years ago. "Jackie… You're telling me that the Devil of Arasaka is barely an adult?" She let the words out like a squeak instead of the pressuring question she intended it to be.

He shrugged, "Well, I was just guessing based on his shrimpy stature. Guy is apparently a brute now, a real giant of a man ehehe. Like me." He kissed his bicep, smirking vainly.

V rolled her eyes and returned to her thoughts, the fact that a man hardly older than a teenager was standing at the top of Arasaka… Just what kind of monster was able to eat her boss and spit him out without any cover-up, any blowback?

Maybe Jackie was right.

Maybe Vergil truly was a devil.

Maybe…

She looked at the book on her desk with a V etched into its cover, pursing her lips.

Later…

"Oi, settle down." A teen demanded with a dreadful expression, eyes layered by dark bags.

The man blinked, letting go of his perp and turning his gaze to the much smaller teen, "Fuck you say to me punk?" He growled, picking him up by the hem of his shirt.

The teen sighed, shaking his head as his eyes glowed red. Sparks jumped between the man's arms before building up in his neck, severing his head form his bulging body.

A Netrunner, dangerous.

Nothing new for Night City, V wasn't surprised.

The rain pattered against the window she stared through; creating a dreary picture over Night City that in all honesty, made it seem more honest. A perfect fit to the darkness in her life. Not saying Jackie didn't help her out, she felt a lot better, she didn't know what could've been thinking at the time but any remembrance was quickly stuffed away at the back of her mind.

V had people who cared, who she could fall back on… She couldn't disgrace the many who didn't. In this city, the rain revealed that fact very well. She had to remember, even when looking through the guise of Night City.

'A cesspool, the rain washes away all the bullshit.'

The tram jostled and she had to stop the book from slipping off her lap, at the same time, a call began to ring in her visual display. A call from… Jenkins number?

"The fuck?" V shut the book she was holding and strapped it onto her hip with a click.

She instantly accepted the call, she didn't see Arthur on the other end however. It was coming from his mobile device? V stayed pensive as the silence remained, "Hello?" She asked whoever was on the line with slight hesitation.

After a few seconds, a voice finally responded.

"Is this Valerie?" Nasally, yet cold with a hint of authority and pride. Younger than her by a few years, not at all dangerous.

And using Jenkins mobile device, she glared in front of her. "This is V, what's it to you? Who's this? Why do you have Jenkin's phone?" She fired off question after question at the other line, call it nerves or whatever you want.

… "I require you to meet me at his office, I have something to discuss with you." He ducked her questions, typical, maybe he didn't want anyone to overhear in the tram? Probably.

'Wait, is this the replacement for Jenkins? But why would he be using his mobile device?' V hummed thoughtfully before answering.

"Alright, what do I call you then?"

"... Call me V, for now. "

V blinked, her eyes and nose scrunched up in confusion. "Right… Sure can do, V." It felt weird, but she'd humor whoever was on the other line. Maybe he was a fan of hers? Wouldn't hurt.

'That would be the day.'

Click

Regardless, it was weird. Higher ups at Arasaka were required to have implants that let them make and take calls at the drop of a hat for efficiency purposes. Maybe it was for anonymity' sake, that probably was why. V sighed and leaned back into her seat, ignoring the lecherous stare of a man sitting across from her.

He had bright white hair, dyed probably. He had a long guitar case on his lap and wore a long red jacket without a shirt beneath, "Hey, you talking to your boyfriend?" He asked her to which V ignored him, continuing to read.

The man clicked his tongue, getting up from his seat. 'Fuck me…' V groaned inwardly, refusing to look up at him. Even with her hair in a ponytail and her resting bitch face, this guy couldn't take a hint.

He squatted down and tapped the cover of the book, his grin gone and replaced with confusion. "Hey… Where have I seen this book before?" He asked himself more than anything.

"You're misremembering bud, I've had this book for six years." She spoke up finally, almost regretting her mistake as the man shot up and donned another smirk.

He jeered at her, "Ah so you can talk."

She looked up from her book, shutting it harshly before standing up at the ding of the tram. Her stop came in the nick of time, but instead of groaning in frustration at losing any potential prey, the pervert just followed her. "Lucky me, we have the same destination in mind." The man was trailing her now, great.

V gave him a dry look, Arasaka tower towering behind her glare. "Doubtful, but nice try, choom." She let her old vocabulary slip through for a split second, laughing softly at his annoyed expression.

"Hate that word." He belched.

V didn't care, merely walking down from the station and beginning towards the tower. The corpo plaza was bustling with life at this time of day, a few hours left until sun down. The rain slammed against her umbrella, drenching the guy behind her who cursed the 'shitty weather.' For once she was glad the rain came, maybe the prick following her wouldn't bug her so much.

Thankfully he was stopped by security before he could follow her further, she looked back at him expecting a scowl only to see a smug grin adorn his features.

For some reason, she feared that grin.

But just as quickly she chased it down.