One life

by Nessa Yavetil

When you are a powerful mage who reincarnates after every death, you learn to come to terms with love and loss. You learn to enjoy things while they last. But, what happens when you fall for someone who makes you believe you could change your destiny? (Sequel to "Do you remember love?" READ THAT ONE FIRST!)

3. Wish

3. Wish

---

It was the sweetness of your skin
It was the hope of all we might have been
That fills me with the hope
To wish impossible things.

(The Cure - To Wish Impossible Things)

---

…

Alright then, where were we?

Oh, yes. It was the night when everything changed.

You see, there have been arguably several moments in which I could consider things were heading somewhere… different. The day I came back to Japan and found her singing in that bar, and the insane night that followed. The afternoon that storm broke down, and she appeared in my music room, dripping rain and doubts all over my carpeted floors. The night after that, when her doubts disappeared and she followed me to my bedroom and things kind of... exploded between us. Or the night after that, when she came back to my house in utter distress, and threw herself into my arms after putting Sakura on a plane.

All of those had been intense, significant occasions, yes, all had contributed to shaping a path where for moments I could already glimpse (even if somewhat darkly), that there was something building up, something... important. Something that could lead my life in a completely different, unexpected direction.

But it wasn't until then, after that moment of sudden, lucid awareness on that small bridge at King's Penguin Park, that I knew for sure.

It was one of those rare moments you have maybe once, twice in a lifetime; when the mist that surrounds your every action suddenly clears up and the path you were blindly following appears in front of you, visible and crystal-clear, and you realize, without any room for doubt, that if you keep walking in that direction, your life, your destiny and even everything you think you are, will be changed forever.

And for a moment, as worn and jaded as I was of almost everything, this seemed like something good; a refreshing, welcome change, something I could easily embrace.

But, now… as I walk through the streets towards the place where she is, with my hands inside the pockets of my coat and a feeling of hopefulness in my chest, a flash appears in my head, and suddenly, I remember the rest of the dream I had the other night. The part I'd forgotten, after seeing that face in my mirror.

And I freeze.

...

"Y-you?" I exclaimed, blinking, torn between bewilderment and horror. "How- how is this possible? What are you doing here?"

The woman in the mirror narrowed her eyes.

"Is this how you greet me, Clow... after all this time?" she said, with a smirk that looked somewhat bitter. "Looks like you haven't changed at all. Of course, there's no need to answer such a silly question. You know very well why I'm here."

"No... this... this is impossible! Am I still dreaming?"

"Of course you are, but... does that make this any less real?" she said. "You shouldn't look so surprised. After all... it was you who came back to me."

"What…? No, I didn't! You... need to go. I can't deal with this now. Not yet. I'm not ready."

"You're scared. That's understandable. But you are ready, Clow. Why, if not, would you have returned to my house? And to live in it, nonetheless."

"That's… that's none of your concern. I'm a different person now. I have different reasons. I'm not the Clow you knew anymore. My name is Eriol Hiiragizawa. This house is mine now, and I can come if I want, and live here if I choose to. Your arrangement was with Clow, not me. Both of you are gone now... and your deal means nothing to me. So, leave me alone."

She just snorted.

"You always have to make things difficult... don't you, Clow? It's because of the girl... isn't it? Yes, of course I know about her. You think I would fail to notice her, in my house, sleeping on my own very bed? By the way, bringing her here… that was distasteful, even for you, Clow."

I felt my blood freeze as I heard her say this.

"Leave her out of this. She has nothing to do with you, nor Clow, nor whatever deal you made in a past life. She's just some girl I'm seeing... she means nothing."

"Is that so?" she said, narrowing her eyes. "Then... how did she find the house? After you left with her, and came back alone... how did she find her way back?"

I just stared at her, speechless.

"What-? How do you...?"

Suddenly, I felt anger overcoming me. An anger like I hadn't experienced in a very, very long time, and that was very hard to keep under control.

"Were you... were you watching me this whole time? How dare you! How dare you intrude in my life like that and tell me what to do, and who should I let into my house, or into my bed?" I said, almost trembling from the rage. "Who do you think you are? You don't even know me! You may have known my former self, but I'm not him anymore! This is my life, and you don't have a say in it! You don't get to threaten me, or the girl I...!"

I stopped then. The eyes in the mirror looked saddened, even if only for a moment.

"No, Clow... you misunderstand. I'm not here to threaten you, or the girl. Honestly, I couldn't care less about her. The only real threat to her... is you. You know it, right? As you also know that this life isn't really yours... even if you try to deny it behind your different name and different face. You know who you really are, and the pact we made, and you know not being around in the same form anymore doesn't release any of us from it. We set things in motion, long before you were born, and they can't be stopped now. You are aware of this; you even came back to Japan because of it. You can keep playing your 'normal life' game for a while longer if you wish... but not for too long. It's almost time, Clow. A circle can only close; and now that she's here, all the pieces are falling into place. You'd better relax and make your peace with it... because she already plays a part in this."

"What? What do you mean?"

"Are you serious? You mean, you haven't realized...? No, you can't fool me. You've known what she was all along; you've felt it. Why you refused to acknowledge it is beyond me, but you see it now, don't you? She's the one you've been looking for all these years. She's the one who can do the one thing you can't... and that you want the most." Her reddish, almost cruel eyes pierced through me as she spoke. "She's the one who will kill you."

My words got strangled in my throat and my eyes just flew open in horror as her words sank in. Because in that same moment, I realized... it could actually be true.

"What-? No... no, this can't be. It's madness! Why would she-? She's not... She's just a harmless mortal girl. Look, I don't know everything you've plotted with Clow, because you two made sure I remembered the bare minimum, but I know one thing, and it's that I won't have it. Do you hear me? I won't! You need to stay out of my life. I won't let you take away whatever happiness I've found. I won't be forced to give her up, just like I did with everyone else! I won't!"

"You do remember what happened to everyone else, right? The ones you love… especially the ones you won't give up... they never end up well, do they?" she said, sadly. I just stared at her, trembling in anger but unable to say a word. "You need to accept it already, Clow. There's darkness in you that no mortal can deal with. Even I, with all my powers..." she sighs. "You know it corrupts people's fates. It destroys... everything. She won't be the exception."

Shivering, I remembered the dream, her vacant eyes, the door, and the darkness that came out of it and devoured her. I sighed, defeated.

"That darkness you speak of… it's not mine. I can't carry it anymore. It doesn't belong to me."

"Doesn't it? Then, where do your powers come from?"

I stared at her, unable to answer.

"Don't worry, Clow... none of this matters anymore. It's almost time; the circle is about to close. It pains me to see you suffer… but soon your wish will be granted, and you'll find peace. There's only one thing to deal with... and it's the price. Every wish requires equal payment; the universe needs balance, and your wish is a big one. The price will be huge."

"Please..." I said, this time in an almost begging tone. "I'll pay any price to leave her out of this."

"Sorry... that I can't do. Like it or not, she's already a part of this, and that's something no one can change, not you, not even me. Don't worry, Clow... the price will be paid when the time is right. Sit back now, and enjoy the ride. I'll watch out for you. But don't forget: even if she's the executing hand, I'm the one behind it. I'm the one who made it happen. I'm the one granting your wish. Don't you ever forget that."

That's the last thing I recall before waking up. Those words, her red, smiling lips, and two red eyes. Catlike eyes.

But those eyes were not smiling.

...

So here I am now, paralyzed, standing in the middle of the street, with my hands inside my coat pockets and a smile that has frozen on my face.

What am I supposed to do?

What the fuck was all that? A dream? A nightmare?

My destiny?

It's the moment of choice. Because the path is clear before my eyes, for the first time ever, and I can see exactly where it will take me: it leads to my wish, that wish I've spent ages yearning for and waiting to see granted. And right after awareness, comes fear. Because I know what my wish is. And even though I've searched for its fulfillment for almost an eternity, and thought myself willing and ready to face it and embrace all its consequences… now, for the first time ever… the thought of going through it terrifies me.

Because... it's her, dammit.

She's the path, the one and only path I've ever found that could take me to my long-awaited destiny. Even though I still don't quite understand how or why, I understand that my entire journey through all of those lives had a purpose; and it was to take me here, to this night, to this place, and make this choice.

But, is there even a choice to be made? Is that choice even possible? Is there any other path to be followed?

Were all those things that happened to us... just hitzusen?

If I go to her now, if I see her again, will that fate be sealed?

I realize that tonight is the night when things will change. One way or the other, I would have to make a choice. And that choice will affect not only my destiny; but hers too.

Because it's her, for fuck's sake.

It's crystal clear now, and I hate it. Every little thing has pointed at it since the beginning; her smile, her dream, her scent, her laughter, the things she said to me and the way she looked at me and teased me and… even that veiled darkness she secretly has that only I have been able to witness. But especially her eyes. There's not one thing about her that hasn't been screaming it at me from the very beginning. And yet, I chose not to see. I chose to fool myself into thinking she was just another mortal girl I liked, and now…

How can I keep walking this path, knowing where it would take me?

And how could I not, knowing what I would miss if I let this chance go away?

The thought of losing her just now, so quickly, just when I've found her, is unbearable; and yet I know, without any room for doubt, that no matter what I choose, it is doomed to happen. But if I choose to accept my fate and let her be dragged into my unspeakable destiny... it will happen in a most horrible way.

And if I resist it...?

I don't even want to think about the consequences that could have. But... there doesn't seem to be any other choice. If there's anything I could do to spare her from it, from all of it, now is the time to do it. I know this, as crystal-clear as I know I'm breathing. There will be no other chance.

I don't know exactly when or how, but at some point, I realize I've made my choice, because I'm walking again.

Towards her.

I know what I have to do; I know it damn well. But she's waiting for me, and I don't have the heart to turn her down like this; to just... disappear from her life. I need at least one last chance to see her, one last chance to say goodbye to her. If I'm going to give her up for good, I deserve at least that much, dammit.

So, I find a compromise solution. I will give her, and myself, this night. It will be the last one, and I will make sure it's unforgettable.

At least for me.

Because when it's over, I will make her forget everything about it, and about me, for good.

She'll have a normal life, a happy life. She'll never be the instrument of an ancient pact or a bloody, twisted wish. She will meet someone else, fall in love, fall out of love, find some happiness, cry some tears, do some things… and eventually die. She will have a life... just like everyone else.

And I… will probably never forget her. I'll learn to live with it, though, like I've learned to live with everything else. Because, despite what I want to believe, my dreams always come true. There are things I just can't run away from, and I simply can't allow her to become part of them. Even if it's the only chance to end my miserable existence for good, she should not be punished for my sins, she should not have to carry such a burden. As long as I can do something to prevent it, she will never taint herself with blood. Even if it means living alone for eternity. Even if it means breaking that pact Clow made, and facing the terrible consequences, and seeing every last trace of hope disappear... I don't care.

Because, fuck Clow Reed, dammit.

I'm Eriol Hiiragizawa now, and I'm doing things my own way. And even if I have to pay for it with an eternity of regret, I'm going to give ourselves this one last night.

I'm going to have a freaking date with this woman.

...

As soon as I open the door, I see her, just where I knew she would be: sitting at the same table in the same dirty little dive where I found her the first time, two weeks ago.

Yet, she looks so different from that night now, that it's almost impossible to believe they are the same person; that depressed girl I found here on the verge of self-destruction, and this radiant, breathtaking one I have in front of my eyes. She's wearing some black, somewhat revealing clothes again that tighten in all the right places (no complaints here), but that's where all the similarities end, because now there's a smile on her red-painted lips, and it turns so big and bright when she sees me, it makes her shine like a diamond among the crowd. She waves at me, and I approach her, and despite the gloominess of my recent thoughts, I can feel a smile painting all over my face as well as I notice the eyes of many guys at the bar stabbing me like knives, and know they're green with envy of me for being the lucky bastard she happened to be waiting for. And I know that compared to what just happened, this is really petty and mean-spirited and all... but boy, does it feel good.

"Finally!" she says, looking at me cheerfully as I stand in front of her. "I've been waiting forever; I was starting to think you wouldn't come. What took you so long?"

"Well, excuse me," I say, a bit taken aback. "I think I got here quickly enough, considering I was all the way across town, and also, I had no freaking idea that you were waiting for me."

She chuckles.

"It's okay... I just got impatient because I was sitting all alone, and people were starting to stare at me funny. One or two guys even tried to sit here... can you believe it? I managed to send them off, but I don't know how much longer I could have held on. I was this close to giving up the table and leaving."

"Giving up the table?" I ask, looking around as I sit next to her. "What do you mean? The place is half empty."

"I thought the same thing, but... I don't know. Maybe this is one of the good spots?" she says, a bit perplexed.

I look at her in disbelief.

"You're kidding me, right? You don't actually think people are staring at you and guys are trying to sit here because they all want this greasy little table... right?" Suddenly, she seems to understand what I mean, and blushes furiously. I laugh out loud. "Oh... this is priceless."

"Well, excuse me!" she says. "What was I supposed to think?"

"I don't know... maybe the obvious thing? That they look at you and want to sit next to you because you're so damn hot?" I say, unable to stop laughing. "Oh, come on. You don't get to play the blushing schoolgirl on me anymore. I know for a fact you're not this naive."

The red on her cheeks intensifies.

"Don't you laugh at me! Great... now I feel like an idiot," she says, her tone a mix of annoyance and embarrassment. "I know it may sound silly, but I'm just... not used to being noticed like that. I didn't know what to make of it. Did you forget who I was all my life? I was always the one behind the camera... the one who did the wardrobe. Not the one people looked at. That was always someone else. What I'm used to... is to be invisible."

"Is that so?" I say, smiling. "Or is that just a story you told yourself to keep hiding behind your camera? Because, people do notice you. They did before, and they do now... and not because they want this dirty table. They notice you because you glow, dear. You're most certainly not invisible."

Her cheeks turn furious crimson, but there's a tiny, slightly pleasured smile on her face, which makes her look rather adorable. I can't help but stare at her, taking in the transformation she has gone through; the way she's all dressed up and pretty, and the confidence that radiates from her... She's so different from the girl who used to fade into the background, always content with letting others take the spotlight. Now, there's a glimmer of something different in her eyes; something... fierce. It's as if she's finally ready to step out of the shadows and claim the lights for herself - even if it's only for a moment.

And they undoubtedly suit her.

"Well... let's drop it," she says. "I'm just glad you're finally here. Now we can finally get started."

"Sure," I say. "Get started with what?"

"Well... you know..." she says, smiling and blushing a little. "Our... date?"

I stare at her blankly for a moment.

"Date...?"

She looks at me sheepishly.

"Yeah... you did ask me on a date two days ago... remember?"

Oh, I'm going to have fun with this one.

"Yes, I remember. But you never really gave me an answer."

"Well..." she says, a strange spark in her eyes. "This is it."

"Is it, though?" I say, unable to stop the grin from forming on my lips. "I don't know. You made such a fuss the other day about me having to ask you properly, and then just left me hanging when I did... I have feelings, you know. So, nope... you'll have to do better than this."

"Really?" she says, staring at me in disbelief. "Is it really necessary?"

I can't stop grinning. "Yes... I think it is."

"Alright," she grunts. "Eriol Hiiragizawa... will you go on a date with me? There, I said it. Happy now?"

I chuckle.

"I could do without the attitude, but... I'll take it."

"Can we move on then?"

I smile, ensconced in my chair -deliberately slowly-, and stare at her thoughtfully for some time.

"You've asked me... but I haven't said yes yet."

She stares at me for a moment, a mixture of amusement and disbelief in her eyes.

"You're truly enjoying this... aren't you?"

"I truly am," I say. "And I could torment you some more, but seeing that you went through all the trouble of coming here alone, all dressed up and pretty, and waited for me for who knows how long... I guess I should give you some credit. So, yes... I'll accept your invitation. But next time, try making it a bit more romantic, would you? Maybe throw in some candles or a violin player or something."

She rolls her eyes, but there's a flicker of amusement in them.

"You're impossible... you know that?"

"Well, I exist, so I'm certainly not impossible. Maybe... improbable? Unlikely?" I say, grinning. "But lucky for you, at least in this reality I'm very much possible, and very much here, which means we get to have this date. Our first official date. So... what do you think? Nervous?"

"No. Well... maybe a little," she says, being surprisingly honest as her cheeks show a tiny shade of pink. "I guess in this reality, this is my first date... ever."

"What... really?" I ask, surprised. Of course, I know she had almost no previous romantic experience because of Sakura, but it's still a shocker... not even a date? God, this girl really neglected herself for most of her life. "Now I feel guilty that we did all that other stuff before we even had one lousy date."

"No, you don't," she says, looking amused.

"But... I kinda do," I laugh. "It's like everything happened backwards. That's okay with me... but you deserve better."

She laughs.

"I'm fine with it. But, how about you?" she says, and this time she's the teasing one. "You must have had zillions of dates, if not just in this life, but in other ones too... Yet, you look kinda nervous as well."

"That's because... I am," I say, and I realize I'm being honest too. "I mean, yes, I had a few dates in this life, and whatever substituted them in others... but, this one is very important for me. I really don't want to screw it up."

Of course, she can't know to what extent I actually mean that.

"Don't worry," she smiles. "I mean, you can't possibly be more of a pain in the ass than you've just been, can you? And surprisingly, I still want to be here."

I laugh.

"Don't underestimate me... I could be worse. You have no idea how annoying I can get if I really put my heart into it," I say. "But I'll try not to, I promise. Now... can we please discuss for a moment how this 'date' actually came to be? Because as far as I know, people usually agree on a place and time before the date actually happens. We didn't, and yet... here we are. You were expecting me. Why?"

This time, she's the one who laughs.

"It's a funny story," she says, her smile turning mischievous, "that takes us back to a few hours ago. I was about to finish my classes, and people started talking about their plans for the night, and then... I realized it was Friday. And I remembered hearing some really wacky things about your Friday nights in England. Apparently, that's what all the cool kids were doing there, so... I just had to know how those were."

I burst out laughing.

"Okay, but to be completely honest... the 'cool' kids at my university might not be as cool as you think they are."

"I'll keep it in mind," she laughs. "Anyway, there was this tiny... logistics problem. Even though you asked me on a date earlier, I had no way to answer you. I mean, no normal way. We didn't exchange phone numbers, nor e-mails, nor..."

I can't help but chuckle.

"God, you're right. I never even thought about that. I mean, I have my own ways of finding people... And clearly, I'm not used to how normal people do things."

"Don't say," she laughs. "And clearly you're also not used to being easily accessible to people who might want to find you. So, you left me with very few options: I could wait for you to try to get in touch with me - and risk missing Friday night - come back to your place uninvited again… or I could try something that would make me sink even deeper into the lands of the weird and the abnormal."

"And of course, you chose weird and abnormal," I chuckle.

"Well, obviously," she says. "We're here... aren't we?"

"Yes. But... what exactly did you do?"

"Well... after giving it some thought, I decided to come here and… call you... you know... with my mind. I wasn't sure it would work, but I hoped you would feel it with those freaky powers of yours. Which you did... obviously. I have to say, I feel pretty kick-ass right now."

At this point, I'm baffled. And somewhat impressed.

"So, you just… decided to summon me? As if I was some common magical pet?"

"Well, excuse me. I didn't know this was a touchy subject for you magical people," she says, laughing. "I just wanted to see you. And whatever I did, it worked, right? You sensed it. It's kind of cool, if you think about it. Like some kind of private bat signal."

"Yes... it would have been if I had actually… sensed it. But the odd part is that... I didn't."

"What?" she says, a little perplexed. "What do you mean, you didn't?"

"I mean, in normal circumstances, I would have sensed it… But just now, I wasn't… feeling your presence. Nor any other presence, for that matter. I had… turned it off."

"I didn't know you could do that," she mutters, more than a bit bewildered now.

"Neither did I... It's something I discovered quite recently. You could think of it as pressing your hands against your ears to avoid hearing for a while. Like that... only harder, and much more tiresome. But... that was exactly what I was doing just now. So, I couldn't feel your... call."

"Really?" she says, her perplexity increasing. "But then… why are you here? It can't be a coincidence that you came."

"No... it's not. There's no such thing as coincidences," I say, staring at her with a more serious look in my eyes. "If I'm here, it's because I'm supposed to be here. I mean... I knew you were waiting for me at this place. I just... don't understand how I knew. I shouldn't have known, but it just came to me, as if I already knew but had somehow forgotten… and suddenly remembered. I can't explain it better... it doesn't make much sense."

"Well... maybe it doesn't have to," she says, smiling. "Maybe we should just take it as it is. Actually... there's something that intrigues me more than that."

"What?"

"That thing you were doing, with your powers... if it's as difficult and tiresome as you said... why were you doing it?"

Suddenly, I realize I wasn't expecting that question, nor had an answer ready. I feel a little awkward.

"Well… I... I don't know why. It's just something I've been experimenting with... lately."

"Lately? How lately?" she says, staring at me with eager, inquisitive eyes.

"Well, to be honest… since a few days ago," I confess. "After the storm night. It happened on its own, that day. I hadn't noticed your presence when I walked into the kitchen and you were there, along with Nakuru. Something like that had never happened before. I never even thought I could not sense someone's presence… It really puzzled me. So, after that, I kept trying to do it... on purpose."

Her gaze changes from interested to perplexed.

"Why?"

"At first, just out of curiosity… you might not understand it, but when you're as used to sensing mystical energies as I am, things look and feel really different when you're not... and people even more. It's as if the world, which used to be so noisy, has suddenly become silent for a while. It's a bit unsettling... but there's also a strange calmness, a strange beauty in it that I was trying to experience. And then, when I realized I could control it, sensing your presence kinda... started to feel wrong. As if I was spying on you again. There's so much I can learn from feeling someone's presence, and it seemed unfair... because you can't read me like that."

Her gaze turns from shocked to somewhat touched as she stares at me. I smile indolently at her, as if it wasn't a big deal.

"Well," she says, the loveliest smile ever painted on her lips, "maybe I can't, but there are other ways in which I can read you, you know? I have my own powers too. But you shouldn't feel sorry about the things you can do, Eriol. Your powers... are part of who you are."

"Are they?" I ask, perhaps a little bitterly.

"As long as you have them, they are. But they shouldn't define you. Look... would I still be me if I cut my hair short?"

"What?" I yell, scandalized. "Don't joke about things like that! I really like your hair the way it is."

She laughs.

"So does my mom. It reminds her of someone she loved very dearly. But, if I decided to cut it short eventually... would I still be me?"

"I honestly have no idea. The world as we know it might have ended the day such an atrocity happens."

She laughs even harder.

"You're an idiot... you know that?"

"Yeah. But I'm the idiot you wanted to be on a date with... which you asked for, explicitly. Let us never forget that," I reply, with a smug smile on my face.

"Even if I wanted to forget it, I don't think you'll let me," she says, chuckling. "But now that we're back on that... there's still something missing for this to be the date I wanted... you know?"

"I'd say. The candles, the violin player, and a proper place for it, of course."

"Hey, there's a fine line dividing a goofy, adorable idiot from an obnoxious jerk… are you sure you want to cross it?" She says, chuckling. "I chose this place, didn't I?"

"Yes, but for the life of me, I can't figure out why. Not that I don't treasure all the warm and fuzzy memories we have here, but really… this place is nasty. There are literally hundreds of nicer, better, cleaner places we could have gone."

"I know," she laughs, "but I like it here. I like it as it is. I've been to hundreds of nicer places in my life. My house is almost a palace. But I've never been to a place that feels this... real before. There's no pretense here; nobody tries to be something they're not. Nobody gives a damn about what everyone else is doing. It's the first place where I felt I could relax and just... be me. Also, it was here where I sang that night… and you found me. So, all in all… it seemed like a good place to have our first date. Or at least to start it."

I chuckle, studying her with amusement. Despite my initial snobbishness, I can't deny that there's something about this grungy little bar that appeals to me too; even with the terrible sound and the dirty tables and the poorly ventilated atmosphere. Maybe it's the dim lighting, the rawness of it, or the grungy aesthetic which has its own charm… or maybe it's just because this is where I found her. I mean, for real.

My smile widens as I remember our previous visit.

"This is also where you almost threw up on me," I tease.

"Like you said... fuzzy memories," she says, chuckling and turning a little red. "I was almost too thoughtful to aim for the sidewalk, you know? I could have just as easily done it right on your nice blue shirt, and you would have totally deserved it."

"My, my. So very unladylike." I say, amused. "Are you really the same gentle, well-mannered Daidouji-san I used to know?"

Her eyes glint mischievously. "I guess not. I heard she was last spotted here, sitting at this very table with a guy that looked suspiciously like you... like two weeks ago. She was never heard from again."

I can't help but laugh.

"Then... who are you?"

"Well... I'm clearly the evil twin," she says, a twinkle in her eyes.

I laugh even more.

"I'm getting more of a chaotic vibe than an evil one, but hey, I don't care. Stranger things have happened to me... and I do enjoy a bit of chaos in my life."

She chuckles.

"I'm glad that you feel that way... because then you're going to love what's next. I've planned something... interesting for tonight."

"Really?" I raise an eyebrow, my curiosity piqued. "You've planned this whole thing? I'm flattered."

"Yeah... well, kind of. You'll see," she says, and then gestures to the barmaid, who approaches our table.

"I'll have what I ordered now," she says. The barmaid smiles, nods, and walks away, but she quickly comes back with a bottle and two glasses, and to my surprise, it was a Shochu bottle, a traditional Japanese alcoholic drink I had tried a few times but I wouldn't have guessed she liked, and even less that it would be served in a dive like this. "Thank you," she says with a big smile, and then proceeds to fill both glasses with the transparent liquor and hands one over to me, while I watch the whole thing in befuddlement.

"Are you trying to get drunk again?" I tease. "Is that your... plan?" I say, between amused and horrified as I stare at the glass she just gave me. "I swear to God, after the other night and that whole tequila situation, I thought you would have learned your lesson."

"Oh, but I did," she says, chuckling. "I've learned I don't like tequila, and also, that I did this all wrong. That night, I just wanted to get as drunk as possible as quickly as possible to forget about how bad I felt; of course it would be awful and pitiful. But tonight I want to do it right; the way our ancestors used to do it. That's why I chose this drink, and why you're here."

"Okay, I get it," I say, chuckling. "It's my fault; I told you about those Friday nights in England... But I assure you, at least on my part they were less wild than they sounded. My students got hammered, but I didn't; I was just there to look after them and make sure they didn't do anything dangerous. You see, even though I might look young... I'm not. I've been through this too many times already in all my lives; I've seen enough sickness, hangovers and idiotic behavior to ever want to go through any of that again. So, the best I can offer you is what I do for my students: to take you home when you collapse and hold your hair while you throw up, but... is that your idea for a first date?"

"Oh no. You misunderstand," she says, chuckling. "That's not my idea at all. But before I explain to you what my idea is, I need to ask you a question... and I need an honest answer from you." She stares at me with a strange look in her eyes. "Do you... trust me?"

That takes me completely by surprise.

"Huh?" I say, staring at her and blinking.

"Do you trust me?" she insists. "Because... I want us to do another experiment tonight."

"Really?" I say, still a little befuddled, but at the same time growing more and more intrigued. "What kind of... experiment?"

"You said you liked a bit of chaos, right? Well... I think you need some, so, tonight... I will make all your decisions for you."

"What...?" I manage to say, nearly speechless.

"What I said," she declares. "So... do you trust me? Because... you will have to."

"Well, maybe explain a little bit first? Why would you want to do that? Why would I want to do that?"

"Because you need it... badly. Since we met here in this bar, about two weeks ago... I've noticed something. You always look like you're carrying the weight of the world upon your shoulders. You keep saying that you're old, because unlike everybody else, you have memories of many other lives, and all the mistakes you made in them, even if you weren't really who you are now when you made them. Responsibility and guilt are weighing you down. But the truth is... you're not old, Eriol. You're nineteen. You're a nineteen-year-old who could never act like one, because of that weight you're always carrying around, and that's... not fair. So, I want to release you from it, if only for one night. So, tonight I'll make all your decisions for you, and I will carry with all the responsibility. And in order to do that, my first decision for you is that you swallow this highly alcoholic beverage like a nineteen-year-old would... which is like there's no tomorrow," she says, pushing the glass with the transparent liquid toward me.

I just stare at her in shock.

"And you? What do you have to gain from this?"

"I just want to do for you the same thing you did for me, the last time we were here. Remember? That night I was the one weighed down by my guilt and my burdens... and you helped me break free from them. You realized all the conflict and struggle that was going on inside me... you saw through this fake persona I had built for myself, and you came up with that... experiment of yours to kill it, remember? It was scary... but I needed that. I became free the moment I stopped trying to control every little thing, and just... let myself be. You made me feel safe with myself in a way I never could on my own. So, what I'm asking you is... will you trust me, like I did with you? Because... this Eriol needs to die too," she says, staring at me very seriously. "You know it's time."

I feel the blood freeze in my veins as I hear her say those words. I know she's speaking metaphorically, but still… it makes my hair stand on end.

Not that her idea didn't have its appeal. To have someone else make all my decisions for me is something I've never experienced. To be freed from choices and responsibility, if only for a few hours, and just let myself be dragged along, to wherever the current might take me…

When would I ever have another chance like this? If this is going to be our first and only date ever, it feels almost like a sin to not seize every opportunity it presents while I still can. Besides... everyone should be allowed to be reckless and foolish, at least once. Even me.

"There is one small problem with this plan of yours, though," I say. "Getting me drunk is not as easy a task as you might think. Alcohol doesn't affect me as much as it does normal people; I need a much larger amount to even feel an effect. So, it would take a lot of work and determination to do it. That's why I usually don't. It's kind of tiresome."

"So, you're saying you're too lazy to get properly drunk?" she says, laughing. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. You're half-English, half-Japanese, aren't you? Both sides of your ancestors are ashamed of you right now."

I can't help but laugh.

"The thing is..." I say. "That's not the only reason why I don't get drunk. There's another thing... we might have to consider."

"I know what it is," she says, staring at me with a strange look in her eyes. "It's not just the memories that weigh you down. It's also your powers... isn't it? It scares you... the possibility of losing control."

"It's dangerous," I protest.

"Eriol, you need to get over it. You're not the monster you think you are. I know you're not, and I want to prove it to you. So, if you don't trust yourself, trust me. Even if only for tonight."

"I do... but there's a lot of me you don't know, Tomoyo. You don't know half the things I've-"

"In this life?" she interrupts me.

"Huh?"

"Those terrible things you like to talk about so much... did you do them in this life?"

I have to stop for a moment to think about it.

"No," I finally say.

"Then, I don't give a rat's ass about what you might have done when you were someone else. You're not any of those people anymore; you're Eriol now, and Eriol is a good person, I know him. Okay... maybe a bit of a pervert," she says, amused. "But a great, selfless, kind guy nonetheless. The kindest I've ever met, actually."

I just stare at her, blinking, almost speechless.

"You... really think that?"

"Yes. And a lot of fun too, when he's not worrying about stupid things. So, drink up, please. The little bird that's pecking inside your brain really needs to shut up for a while."

She pushes the glass further toward me and stares at me with a defiant look in her eyes. I look at her, and then at the glass, and hesitate for a moment; she doesn't know, can't really imagine the enormous amount of years of keeping myself under perfect control that would go down the drain if I agree to this. Hell, she's not so far off when she said it scared me; it is actually kind of frightening. I'm not sure I can afford to lose my self-control like that, after all, I do have tremendous powers that I'm responsible for, and people tend to get hurt when I forget about that. But she's looking at me, her eyes fixed on mine and for some reason, it feels right, it feels safe with her, as if she was some kind of safety net that wouldn't let me fall into the darkness. Oddly, I start thinking about Sakura, and I start to understand what she must have felt when she had to fight for the cards so many years ago; why she needed to have her by her side at all times, even in the face of danger. This girl, who has no magic powers whatsoever, and objectively speaking is the most defenseless of us all, somehow has a way to make you feel at ease, as if you just knew that nothing could go too wrong as long as she's here.

And right now, she is. Still.

I look at her, and I realize that I actually want to do this. God, I do; I want to take the leash off and just be stupid and reckless and young for one night, I want to shut up the annoying bird that is pecking at my head day and night and just let go, just do whatever I want without thinking about the consequences. And since she's here, I'm terribly tempted to do so.

This Eriol needs to die too.

It really is time.

"Okay," I say, and I grab the glass and stare at its contents for a second. "Like there's no tomorrow, you said?"

"Yes."

Could she possibly know, or suspect on some level, that there really is no tomorrow?

No. Right now I can't, won't think about that. I shouldn't think about anything but enjoying my last night with her, and for that, some alcohol could certainly be of help. So, before I get submerged into more gloomy thoughts, I raise the glass to my lips, and soon enough I feel the liquor burning down my throat.

"Hey..." I say just after I swallow it, somewhat impressed. "This is good."

"Told you I'd do it right," she says, grinning.

"But, even if it tastes better than the cheap tequila from last time, it's still strong. It'll still give us a terrible hangover afterward... you know that, right?"

"Then, let's make sure it's worth it," she says, cheerfully. "So when we're puking our guts out we'll have something good to hold on to."

"Alright then. But, aren't you going to join me?"

"Not yet. You must drink again," she says, inflexibly, as she fills my glass right away. "If what you said about alcohol not affecting you that much is true, then we need to even things up a little, or I'll be wasted long before you're even tipsy. So, I will have a drink for every three or four you have."

I just laugh.

"Are you sure about this? You do know that unleashing a magical creature can lead to unpredictable consequences. You'll be held responsible if anything weird happens," I say, trying to reason with her.

"I'm the chaotic twin, remember?" she replies with a laugh. "I'll take my chances. Come on, unleash it. Don't you want to see what it will do?"

I stare at her incredulously.

"You must be the most unusual person I've ever met, and I've encountered some seriously fucked up individuals in my many lives."

"I'll take that as a compliment," she says with a laugh. "Now, let's stop talking and start drinking. Let's make our ancestors proud."

"Alright, alright," I say, chuckling, and quickly make the content of my glass disappear.

She smiles.

"Again."

And that is, more or less, how one of the most strange and amazing nights of my life started.

...

Some time, and many, many drinks later...

I'm beginning to feel a pleasant buzz, and she appears to be way past tipsy; yet we're chatting and joking and laughing so heartily that it's hard to imagine that in a few hours I will be saying goodbye to her. But for now, the night is young and there are still so many hours to spend with her, so many experiences to share, it feels as though time could stand still. There's no tomorrow, no consequences; just this moment, this night, this bar with its dim lighting, cheap sound system, and a rock band struggling to play. There's the odd human crowd surrounding us, the noise, and the smoke... but most of all, there's her. She's across from me, so lively and colorful and so damn pretty it's almost dreamlike; and I can't help but think that in a few hours, I might have her in my bed again, kissing her lips and reveling in her sweet, sweet skin. It feels like a long, tantalizing, but worthwhile kind of foreplay, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I want to see where it will take us.

I didn't notice when the music stopped, but I do when suddenly, a raspy voice comes from the stage.

"Hey! You! Raven-haired girl!"

I turn towards the owner of that voice; it's a pretty-faced yet scruffy, long-haired blond guy, who appears to be the guitarist and lead singer of that band; and who's staring directly at her.

"Hey," I say, a bit intrigued. "I think he's talking to you."

She dizzily looks up at the stage.

"What?"

"Yes, you!" the blond guy insists. "Raven-haired girl, I remember you! You sang a song here, two weeks ago, on improv night! Didn't you?"

"Shit," she whispers to me, not realizing that almost everyone around us is staring at us. "I think I know him." She looks up at him. "Yes... why?"

"Remember me?" the blond guy says. "I played guitar with you! You sang incredibly! This girl, people…" he says, pointing at her as he talks to the audience, "has the most amazing voice ever. So, here's an idea, why don't you come up to the stage and sing a song with us?"

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no," she says. "I don't think so."

"Come on Raven, don't be shy! People here have been hearing me growl for too long. I'm sure they're dying to listen to something nice for a change. Would you deny them the chance to hear your beautiful voice?"

She looks at me, almost desperate.

"Help me!" she mumbles.

"Actually…" I say, feeling an impish grin form in my mouth. "I'm starting to think you should climb up that stage and sing. You wouldn't want to disappoint all these people, would you?"

"But... I can't sing like this!" she whispers to me. "I think I'm already a bit drunk."

"So? Wasn't tonight about that, exactly? Getting drunk and doing stupid things, like young people do? Time to prove you were serious about it. I can't think of anything more stupid and youngish than getting drunk and going up on a stage to sing with some strangers."

"But-"

"Come on, Raven, don't make us beg," the blond guy says. "You'll make us look foolish. You know we're a hard rock band, right? We have an image to maintain."

"Alright, fine!" she declares, her voice rising. "By the way, my name is T.D., and I'd love to sing for these people. But don't blame me if I sound terrible. I haven't warmed up, and I've been drinking stuff that can't be good for my vocal cords. Oh, and I'm a bit tipsy right now."

I struggle to stifle my laughter. Watching her try to act normal is just too funny.

The singer stares at her for a moment, his eyes wide, before bursting out laughing. "Don't worry, honey," he reassures her. "No one will judge you. Nobody's completely sober here. Ladies and gentlemen, let's give a round of applause for Daidouji-san, who has kindly agreed to grace us with her voice tonight!"

That seals the deal. The guy evidently has charisma and an impressive stage presence; so soon the entire bar is cheering for her. She stumbles a bit on her way to the stage, but manages to get there without incident, and I ensconce myself in the very uncomfortable chair to enjoy the show. Hearing her sing has become one of my favorite things ever; and watching her do it a bit intoxicated just adds an extra edge that I wouldn't miss for anything in the world.

"Okay, Raven," the blond guy says, once she's on stage. "I'm guessing you don't know any of our songs... so, should we be playing some classics instead?"

"Yeah... that's okay."

"Any favorites?"

She thinks about it for a moment, and then whispers something to him in a low voice. He nods, then says something to his band. To my utter amazement, they start playing the chords of a well-known rock ballad, and for the very first time, I hear her sing in my native tongue. And besides being a bit drunk, she does it so damn well, I can't help but be carried away by the lyrics, and by her voice; and I start remembering the place where I was born, on that island, so many years ago; that place where I took my first steps and had my first memories and watched change and grow for over two thousand years, that place where I've always been bound to return to, one way or another. Despite having been all around the world and spoken all kinds of languages, the ones from my beloved islands always felt dearest to me; they remind me of home, and to hear her sing in one of them awakens all kinds of strange things inside me, longings and memories I'm not sure I'm ready to recall. Without even a thought, I see it again, my homeland; with its lovely countryside and its beautiful architecture and its peculiar weather, which most people don't care for but I love. And for a moment I'm transported there; all I have to do is close my eyes and bask in the sound of her voice, and I'm there, and she's with me; we're lying on the grass and feeling the gentle breeze on our faces, without a care in the world. Our hands touch, and it's all so peaceful, so sweet and so exquisite that I almost want to stay in that dream forever.

But like all dreams, it has to end eventually.

The applause brings me back to reality. Despite her less-than-ideal state, she has sung the beautiful song flawlessly. She has completely won the audience by the end of it, and looks happy and sparkling with confidence. The blond guy notices this too, and without wasting a moment, he quickly gestures something to his other band members, and before she can even step down from the stage, a new song begins.

But this time it's not a soft ballad. It's a popular, very powerful rock song, something I'm sure she has never sung before, at least not in front of an audience. And for a moment she looks a bit startled and insecure; she stares at me like asking me what the fuck to do now, but the public has already started to cheer excitedly as they recognized the song's intro, so I just join the cheering and look at her, excited to see what she will do next.

The blond guy takes the lead and starts singing, as she remains doubtful and unmoving; but then he grabs her hand, inviting her to step up. With all eyes on her, she starts singing, a bit timidly at first. But then... magic happens.

I hate to admit it, but their voices combine amazingly well. It sounds good, it sounds damn good, and as soon as she realizes it, she starts singing less timidly. And less timidly. The band sounds great too; they seem to be in their element and put so much energy into the song that soon everyone in the bar is clapping and whistling.

But the amazing thing is to see how that energy affects her; it's getting under her skin, and she quickly starts glowing with that confidence and cheekiness I've seen in her before - perhaps a bit exalted by the alcohol - as she drifts into the powerful beat of the song. I watch her bob her head as her body starts moving to the rhythm, and by the time the first chorus ends, she's already singing at the top of her voice, prancing and jumping as if she was born on that stage, and even if she misses the lyrics in some parts, nobody notices or nobody cares. The blond guy does well too, he's a competent guitarist and a pretty decent singer despite what he said earlier, and knows when to take the spotlight and when to back off and let her shine; they have good on-stage chemistry, and she looks like she's having a lot of fun.

And fuck it, I just can't believe it. It's a never-ending thing with this girl; now it turns out she can rock like a pro... at least when she's drunk.

With heavy drumming and guitar distortion, the song eventually reaches its peak and ends, with her voice rising above everything, among the clapping and cheering from the audience. Everybody is looking at her, and as her almost disbelieving eyes pass through the audience, they stop on me; and she rewards me with a warm, flushed, breathless smile. The blond guy tries to get her to sing another one, but she shakes her head no. She waves at the audience and gets down from the stage, receiving a burst of ovation.

"Dammit, Tomoyo, that was..." I start saying as soon as she's back, but before I can even finish the sentence, she grabs my shirt and unexpectedly kisses me, leaving me completely out of breath. A bit surprised by this outburst, but not at all unhappy, I kiss her back; her mouth tastes like shochu and euphoria; she's drunk with that amazing stage energy, and I can almost taste it too.

"I rocked!" she says when she pulls away, her eyes sparkling with joy. "Did you see me? I didn't think I could do it... but I did!"

"You were amazing," I say, smiling at her enthusiasm. "You rocked the hell out of that song."

"I almost couldn't believe it! Me, up there... I mean... I forgot how much fun it is to sing!"

"I know," I laugh. "I'm glad you remembered... and that you're enjoying yourself."

"I am. But, hey! Now, it's your turn!"

"I don't think so," I say, amused. "I don't sing."

"I meant to do something stupid and fun," she says. "You have to try it... it feels… amazing."

"I don't think I'm drunk enough for that yet."

"Nonsense! You're ready. I make your decisions tonight, and I say you are. Remember?"

I laugh.

"Okay, okay, if you say so... But what do you want me to do?"

"Dance with me," she says, a sparkly smile on her lips as her arms suddenly wrap around my neck. "I liked it last night... when we danced together."

"Okay... we should head out, then. There must be somewhere we can dance in this town."

"No," she says. "Here."

"Here…? Are you serious?" I say, between amused and horrified. "This is a bar. People don't dance here. There's no dancing floor, there's little room, the sound's no good, and the music isn't..."

"Details," she says. "Aren't you the most powerful mage alive? I'm sure you can make it work."

"But... it's going to be tremendously weird. And don't you think people will notice if I...?"

"People? What people?" she says, laughing. "There's no one here, Eriol; there's you, and me... the rest are just bodies. Why do you care so much about what they think? Just dance with me... and let your worries disappear."

And then, she starts moving, to prove she wasn't joking about it. The band is playing their last song, another well-known rock classic, and they seem completely taken by surprise when she, alone, starts dancing to it, undulating, swinging her hips, laughing and jumping excitedly as if she was at a big concert and not at a tiny bar. I realize that alcohol must have hit her harder than I thought... Watching her is kind of amusing, inspiring and embarrassing at the same time; because she doesn't care at all about the rest of the people in the bar, nor the band, nor anybody; she just looks at me, radiating joy and lightness in a way I've never seen before, and her smile mocks me for not stepping into the amazing world she's in. Suddenly, I feel ashamed of myself. I'm here because of her; what do I care about others? Isn't tonight about us; about being stupid and young together? So, I can't just let her embarrass herself alone, can I?

No, I can't. That would be very ungentlemanly of me.

So, without giving it any more thought, I finish my drink, grab the hand she offers me, and join her.

And then, weirder things start to happen. Looking at us in astonishment, some of the people who were still pumped up by the last song begin moving to the music too, and it takes a really short time before more and more of them get up and dance too. When the song ends, people start cheering excitedly, asking for an encore. And after the encore, they cheer again, and ask for another one. The band dudes seem ecstatic, but they keep playing one song after another to the crowd's cheer, as they watch the whole scene in astonishment. I'm almost sure that no one has ever danced in that bar, in all of its history, ever before.

Finally, after four or five songs more than they've meant to play, they go down from the stage; but before the now effervescent atmosphere cools down, some other music starts to sound in the background, lower at first, but then growing louder and louder, and no one seems to know where it's coming from. It's not the grim kind of music most dives like this usually play, it's more of an upbeat, dance music, and suddenly I realize where it's coming from: it's the astonished mind of one of the waitresses, who's watching us dance in disbelief and suddenly started thinking about how much cooler it would be if this was a nightclub. The music is coming from her mind, and the defective audio system from the bar captures it and amplifies it, and as I see my amazing raven-haired girl laugh and excitedly start to move to this new music, I realize I've done this; for a second when the band walked down the stage and I saw her enjoyment and excitement, I thought I wanted to keep seeing her like this, and it was all it took for my powers to channel that music from the waitress's head into the sound system, without me even thinking about it. If I wasn't already a bit drunk, I would have felt horrified by it; the last time something like this happened, this thing when my powers went rogue and acted on their own following my innermost desires, was in my life as Clow Reed, and the consequences were... catastrophic, to say the least. I blame alcohol for this. Thankfully, my only desire right now is to see her happy, so letting my powers run loose for a while shouldn't be too dangerous... right?

And then a risky, crazy, drunken idea comes to me. My pride is starting to hurt; if I'm going to be this reckless about my magic, I could very well show her the extent of what I could do... couldn't I?

Truth is, I've never been to one of these modern nightclubs before, so I don't have much idea of what they look like or what kind of music they play. After attending countless parties, gatherings, festivals and dancing venues of all kinds in many, many lives, I came to the conclusion that they were more or less the same thing; even if the style and the music might vary through the ages. So, sick as I was of almost everything, I never really thought about going to a dance club in this life; something I was starting to realize had really been a mistake. Because they were something completely different.

As I delve into everyone's minds at the bar, I begin to bring to life the places and music they remember, and little by little the place begins to change, to evolve into something different, as if it wasn't really a place but a living organism. Starting off small, I fix the terrible sound system, making it clearer, louder, and better. Emboldened by the positive reaction, I take it up a notch and experiment with the lighting, incorporating effects and colors from people's minds and my own imagination. And people seem to like it. Around us, more are starting to dance and jump like some kind of frenzied animals, swept up by the alcohol and the adrenaline rush this loud music sends through them, and I'm starting to get a little carried away with the whole thing too; and soon there's a disco ball, and colorful lights flashing from every corner, and a psychedelic laser show on the ceiling that could easily give you a seizure... And no one seems to know where the fuck these things came from, but they're all on board with the growingly festive atmosphere, possibly thinking it's some kind of surprise party the bar owners had planned - that's if any of them has the presence of mind to think about it at all. Thrilled with the results, and more and more intoxicated by the drinks she keeps making appear from out of nowhere, I go a little wild, adding even more flashy and ridiculous things, like sparkles, smoke and even some light thingies that change shapes and fly freely among the dancers, and...

Okay... I might have overdone it a little.

But she had a point. No one cares. These people are too wasted, and too technology-reliant to care about the bizarre things appearing before them. In a world where magic was dismissed and technology is king, this plays in my favor. The bar staff was perplexed, but I had dulled their senses just enough to keep them from questioning too much and instead allow the chaos to continue.

It's a cacophony of sounds and lights from hell, but people seem to enjoy it, and not only that; the entire atmosphere seems to take them to a whole other plane. And then it hits me: the thing about these modern dance clubs is that they're not actually modern at all. They remind me of something far more ancient, something I only experienced in my earliest lives, something I never thought I'd encounter again.

The air is thick with heat and the dark atmosphere adds to the intensity as more people stream in, lured by the lights and music. The once-empty tables are now shoved against the walls, and the space has morphed into a pulsating dance floor where each person is lost in their own world, bumping into others without a care. The music that I conjure from their minds is unlike anything I've heard before; at times it seems to lack any discernible melody or structure, but the rhythm is so powerful and hypnotic that it reverberates through your body and plunges everyone into a trance. Drinks flow freely, and nearly everyone is inebriated, either from alcohol or some other substance, or a combination of both. And they all seem ecstatic, and they dance to this music in a frenzy that suddenly brings me back memories of more primal times, when people gathered under the moonlight to honor some unnamed god or goddess, inebriated themselves with some elixir made of sacred plants, smeared animal blood on their faces and danced to drumbeats until sunrise, barely dressed and giving in to all kinds of excesses.

And I'm astounded because, saving distances, the different drinks and cell phones and blinding lights and the electronic beat of the music, the crudeness of it, the paroxysm is almost the same. It's a fascinating contradiction, as if, in the midst of its technological progress, humankind was yearning to reclaim some of its long-lost primitiveness.

And I have to admit it... I like it.

But what I like most is watching her succumb to the hypnotic rhythm. She moves with the wild sensuality of an ancient priestess, pulling me into the frenzy of the crowd, drinks in hand, bodies swaying and bouncing to the beat. My mind is consumed by the sounds, lights, smells, and the intoxicating sensation of her laughter and her body pressed against mine. All thoughts fade away; it's a sensory overload that leaves no room for mentality or reflection, just pure, crude, unadulterated bliss.

And blank, blank, blank.

...

I can't really tell how long that surreal thing lasted, but eventually, it starts to fade out. Around us, people are starting to get tired, collapsing on the chairs; some of them are making out shamelessly and some had already left, probably to find a more discreet place to keep going... However, it's becoming clear it's about time to leave, while we still have a rest of the night to grasp.

My head is whirling, and I miraculously find a wall to lean against. She comes to me with a drink in her hand she can't seem to finish, stumbling a bit.

"Heeey... loooook who I found. Old dude who doesn't like to party."

I chuckle. It's funny just to hear how she struggles to get the words out.

"This... is all your fault... you know?" I say, and I realize I'm having a bit of a speech impediment too. "I got... a bit carried away."

"A little?" she laughs. "It's like a nightclub... for fairies... on acid."

I chuckle even more when I hear that.

"Hey... that's what I was aiming for."

She laughs even harder.

"But... can you undo it? Won't it be a problem... for the bar people? I don't think... they'll know what to do with these... things."

"Don't worry," I say. "Nothing's really changed in the bar. All this... is just a maboroshi. Illusion."

Her eyes open wide.

"Mabo-roshi? You mean… all the pretty lights... and things... and music… aren't really here? It's all in our heads?"

"Not exactly... more like they are in another plane or dimension... But once I lift it... things will be normal again."

She smiles.

"Cool."

"Let's go," I say then, grabbing her hand. "Outside... less noise... more air."

"Okay," she says, and we proceed to get our coats and get out of there. But just as we're heading to the exit, there's a yell behind our backs.

"Wait...! Raven...! I mean, Daidouji-san!"

We turn around. It's the blond guy, whom I haven't seen again since they got down from the stage, but is still here for some reason.

"What...?" she says.

"Hi," he says, giving me a quick glance, and then looking back at her. "Can I talk to you for a moment? Please? It'll only be a second."

She looks at me, and her expression is so confused, it's kind of funny.

"It's okay," I say to her. "I'll wait for you here."

She follows him a few meters from where I'm standing, and then they talk for a short while. But just as she's back and we're leaving, I see the blond guy raise his hand to her and step forward, as if he has just remembered he wanted to say something else; but then he bumps into a chair, trips, and nearly falls; after which he starts cursing profusely.

She takes a hand to her mouth, and turns to me with a somewhat amused look in her eyes and an eyebrow raised.

"You didn't..."

"Wha-? Of course I didn't!" I say, offended. "He's just clumsy. What kind of person you think I am?"

She stares at me skeptically for a moment.

"Humm. Let's go."

But once outside, I can't resist teasing her a little.

"So... what did your clumsy friend want?"

"Well..." she says, deliberately ignoring my taunt. "He liked how I sang. He asked me... if I wanted to sing with his band now and then... like a guest member or something."

"Really?" I say, stopping and looking at her. "And what did you say?"

"I... offered to help them with their wardrobe first, because... well, you've seen them. They could use a makeover."

I can't refrain from laughing.

"There's the Tomoyo I know. And what did he say to that?"

"He said I was already talking like a lead singer... and laughed. I don't think he took me seriously, though."

"On the contrary... I think you'll have them looking like glamorous rock stars in a month."

"I... didn't say yes. I told him I need... to think about it."

I stare at her for a moment, and suddenly I remember that this date is supposed to be our first and only one. Tomorrow I will be wiped out of her life and memories; she won't remember me, but she will remember some things about this night, like singing with the band, if I choose so.

I can't take that away from her too. She needs to keep something for herself. It's the least I can do.

"Think about it?" I say, reaching up and pulling a strand of hair from her face. "What do you have to think about? You should do it."

She stares at me.

"You... think so?"

"Yeah. You rocked up there! So, why don't you do the world a favor and stop hiding? Get in the spotlight. It really suits you... and it looked like you were having a lot of fun."

"Yes... it was really awesome."

"Then, do it. Just... watch out for that guitarist," I tease her. "Those are never to be trusted... and I bet my ass your voice isn't the only thing he liked about you."

She laughs.

"Oh my. Eriol Hiiragizawa, are you... jealous?" she says, staring at me with an amused twinkle in her eye.

"Of that guy?" I say, trying to sound unconcerned. "Nah. You clearly have some kind of magic fetish... and he can't do any magic, can he?" I say playfully, grabbing her waist and pulling her closer to me. "Can he turn a filthy bar into a fantastic nightclub, just for you?"

She chuckles.

"No, I don't think so," she says, raising an eyebrow. "So... I have a magic fetish?"

"Well... it's the only thing Sakura and I have in common, so... I guess you do."

"You know... maybe you're right," she says, with a mischievous smile on her lips. "Maybe I do have a thing for magic." Her face gets a bit closer then, until her lips brush against mine. And as my eyes close and I happily answer the light, almost teasing kiss, I catch a scent of strawberries; and I'm not sure if it's from her hair, her skin, some fruity-scented perfume she wore, or just the aftertaste of some cocktail she drank.

It doesn't matter. Whatever it is, it's wonderful.

"Yes," she whispers against my face as she barely pulls away, leaving a tingling feeling on my lips. "It's definitely the magic."

I open my eyes and look at her for a moment; she's making fun of me, but she looks so damn pretty that it's impossible not to kiss her again. So, I grasp her face and kiss her, hungrily, right there on the street, under the lamp-post light. She wraps her arms around me and kisses me back, and the tingling spreads all over, and if that isn't magic, God, I don't know what is.

...

I actually don't remember how or when we got to the park, but at some point we were here, walking through it, talking about something that I can't recall but which seemed extremely funny and equally irrelevant. Fresh air has done us some good, we're able to compose long sentences again and my head has stopped whirling so crazily. We're just walking and talking, laughing like idiots at every stupid little thing.

That is until we pass by some huge, really old tree located in the center of the park. It's a strange tree, all covered by markings that are carved into its bark. As soon as she sees it, she stops laughing and stops walking, and just stands there for a moment, staring at it with an odd, fond look in her eyes.

"This tree…" she says, as she runs her fingers through the bark almost affectionately. "It's been here for centuries. I wonder if you've seen it before... I mean… before this life?"

"If I did... I don't remember it," I say. "But to be honest, I never paid much attention to the foliage."

She turns to me.

"But this is not just any tree, you know? It's... a special tree. It has a history."

"Really?" I say, looking at it with new interest. But besides the abundant markings on its surface, it seems like a completely ordinary tree.

"Yes. My mother told it to me when I was little. She brought me here once and showed me this tree. She said it was a magical tree. She said it's been here forever, before the park and even before the city, and it has the power to grant wishes. You just have to carve your name on it and ask for your deepest wish, and if you had enough faith and patience, the tree would grant your wish. See all those markings? Those are the names of the people who asked the tree for wishes. Look. There's Sakura... and Li-kun... and Chiharu... And that one over there... it's my mom's name."

I stare at the marking that she's pointing at. It looks old and worn, but it's still readable, and it says "Sonomi."

"What did she wish for?" I ask.

"Me," she says, smiling. "You see… my mom didn't have a husband, but she had always wanted to be a mother. So she came here one day, carved her name in the tree, and asked for a child. And two years from that... I was born."

"Really? You mean... you're a test tube baby?"

"No," she laughs. "She got married, eventually. At least for a short time. Although, I don't think she was ever in love with my father. They divorced a short time after I was born, and he left to work in another country. He died there when I was little, so... I don't remember him. She almost never spoke about him, either," she says, smiling, which is weird enough. "To be honest, I think she just married for appearance's sake. My family is very traditional, you know? But, the first time I asked about my father, she took me here and told me the tree story. She said I really was the tree's child; born from her wish and its magic. And to tell you the truth... I always liked to believe that story. Being born from a wish-granting tree is way better than from an arranged marriage and an absent father, isn't it?"

I stare at her, surprised; especially at how casually she talks about this kind of thing. It's the strangest family story I've ever heard, and that includes my own collection. But in some weird way, it makes sense, and it gives me a better understanding of her life. Being raised by an overly busy businesswoman who was never there, in a huge house full of maids and bodyguards as only company and a non-existent father figure must have been lonely, and it must have required a great exercise in fantasy to be dealt with. Maybe that's why she liked to read so much, and why she was so thrilled by the supernatural. Finding out her best friend had magical powers must have been a real joyride for her...

Then, something calls my attention.

"I don't see your name there," I say.

"Because it's not there," she replies. "I never had a wish I dared to ask the tree. Actually… I never had a wish I dared to ask, even to myself. But, you know... I just had a crazy idea..." she suddenly says, looking somewhat mischievous. "Why don't we carve our names on it now?"

"Really?" I say, opening my eyes very big. "But... do you have a wish for the tree now?"

"Mmm... I still have to think about it. But no one says we have to ask for the wish right now. We can carve our names on it, just as a memory of tonight, and when we have a wish we really want to see granted, we can come back here and ask for it. Don't you think so?" she says, merrily.

Her words send some kind of shiver through my body, because, I did have a wish, but I had already asked for it to a much more reliable power source than this old tree, and as I look at her, I realize that for the first time ever, the idea of seeing it granted actually horrifies me.

But then again…

The tree is just an old tree, and despite its colorful legend, it has no real magic. To carve a name in it won't mean anything, really, but it would make her happy, even if only for a short while. Until she forgets about the whole thing.

How could I deny it to her?

"Okay," I say. "Do you have anything sharp on you?"

"I think I left all my bladed weapons in my other coat," she says, grinning.

"How reckless of you. Looks like it's up to the mage to save the day again," I say, smirking at her. Then, I touch the tree's bark, close my eyes for a second and I feel heat and light radiating from my palm and my fingers. When I remove my hand, there's a word engraved in the bark, a word that shines with a subtle, yet strange light and that will mystify anyone who sees it the next day.

Tomoyo.

She's staring at it in amazement; she runs her fingers over the engraved words and looks at me.

"Now you. It's your memory too."

It would be for me only, as a matter of fact. With a strange melancholy bursting inside my chest, I lay my hand on the tree again, and once again I feel the heat flowing from my fingers and into the ancient bark. But when I remove it, to my own surprise, the drawing that is carved underneath it isn't what I expected to see.

"What is this?" she says, staring at the iridescent figure as she raises a hand and traces it with her fingers. "I've seen this before. Sakura has one of these too."

"It's... my mahoujin. My magic circle," I say, a little shocked myself. "I guess... this must be what best represents me. My name doesn't really matter; I already had dozens of them."

"No, no, this isn't right," she says, staring at me with a strange look in her eyes, her hand still on the markings I've carved. "Your name matters. It's who you are now. It's what your parents named you. It's the first thing I knew about you, and it's what I call you! You're not a magic circle, you're a person, Eriol. You need to fix this."

And then she impulsively grasps my hand... and something extremely odd happens. As soon as she touches it, there's a burning feeling in my hand again; light sprouts from it and flows up her arm and body and suddenly there are new symbols engraved in the tree, without me even touching it, in the place where her other hand is. Where just a second ago there was a magic circle.

Eriol.

And she just stands there, looking at me in astonishment, and then at the tree that she's still touching.

"What… what just happened?" she whispers, eyes open like plates.

"I... I don't know," I ask, staring at my own hand in perplexity. "What did you-?"

"I... I felt it, Eriol!" she says, still a bit shocked, but with some kind of strange exhilaration. "The magic... I mean, I felt it through me... and it was so weird! I mean, a good kind of weird... like some warm wave of electric, ticklish... energy or something. It was... kind of awesome! Is this what being magical feels like?" she exclaims, excitedly.

"What? No, no, no, this is messed up, Tomoyo," I say, stepping back. "This isn't supposed to happen. Magic doesn't work like this."

"Well," she says, laughing. "What if it does? Why worry about it? Nothing bad happened."

"But, I don't know what's going on. Maybe it's the alcohol… but my powers are acting crazy."

"And yet, you haven't done anything horrible, nor killed anyone, have you?" she says, smiling.

I'm about to protest, but then, I realize she has a point. Maybe I'm worrying too much. This is the last night I have with her, and although really strange things are happening, that doesn't necessarily mean they are bad things. Nothing bad has happened yet, and the truth is... I'm enjoying this odd, newfound freedom of not hiding my powers from her.

"No. I haven't," I say, smiling back at her. "Maybe... you were right about this, after all."

"Of course I was," she says, with the prettiest smile ever, as she comes closer to me, slowly reaching for my hand again, this time without any strange incidents, and whispers against my ear. "You're not a magic circle, Eriol."

Against my will, I feel a little smile forming on my face.

"So," I say, "now that our names are on the tree... do you want to go somewhere else?"

She looks at me and smiles.

"I'm not sure... do you have anything in mind?"

And as she says this, I realize there's actually a crazy idea that has started forming in my head, an idea I wouldn't have even considered in any other circumstances; but right now I'm still somewhat drunk, both from the alcohol and from her; and with the thought that I only have a little more time to enjoy her company, any last remains of my usual carefulness seem to slip away. Not seizing every opportunity that this night presents feels like an unforgivable waste, something I would regret forever. If all I will keep from this night, from this girl is just a memory, I want that memory to be perfect, to be carved in my mind like our names are carved into the tree.

"There is... one place... I'd like to go with you," I say, cautiously. "But... it's a bit risky. You might get scared."

"Or maybe not," she says. "Have a little faith in me, would you?"

"I do, but… this is really something else. It's nothing you've ever done before."

"So what? I'm the chaotic twin, Eriol. I say let's do it."

"Alright," I say, chuckling, and suddenly I'm overflowing with thrill and excitement about what I'm going to do. "But I need you to close your eyes. You will get dizzy."

She looks a bit puzzled for a moment, but does as I said, and then I draw her close to me, wrap my arms tightly around her. "Hold on to me."

Then, I look up… and jump. High.

Higher than any of the trees that surround us.

And then, we're on our way.

...

We're floating in the night sky, traveling rapidly through the city, almost as if we were flying; from time to time I land my feet on the roof of some building, just for a second, to give myself the impulse to jump again, each time higher than the last, and faster. Needless to say, she opened her eyes as soon as we left the ground, and is watching everything in utter amazement as her arms cling to me and the streets and houses pass quickly underneath us, and I can feel her heart beating fast and little shrieks of excitement escaping her mouth every time our feet leave the solidness of a rooftop to take off into the sky again. But she's not scared, she doesn't seem scared, and I… I'm just ecstatic.

This is something I wanted to do for the longest of times... to have someone travel the city with me like this, and make them see what I can see, feel what I feel, even if only for a short while; to be able to share this amazing feeling of boundlessness, of being unrestrained and unattached by gravity, like the birds must feel… But there were really scarce, times in which I could reveal even the smallest fraction of my powers to normal people and not see them panic and flee; let alone have them trust me enough to come along on a trip like this. It's just beyond awesome; to jump around the town with her, letting her see what I see and feeling her so thrilled and amazed and unafraid; I've never felt this free before.

Soon we reach the place where the town's outskirts give room to the suburbs of a much larger city, with much taller buildings. And then I make us pause on some rooftop for a moment, to catch our breaths and ask her once again to close her eyes, because I don't want her to see where I'm taking her. She agrees to it this time, mostly because she's starting to get really dizzy; she wraps her arms tightly around me and hides her face against my neck as I keep getting us even higher. Soon enough we're more than twenty, thirty, forty stories above ground level, and then even higher. Until finally, we arrive at our destination.

"This is it," I say into her ear, loosening my arms around her just a little. "You can open your eyes now."

She does, and a yell comes out of her mouth as she looks down and sees the entire city of Tokyo, unfolding in all its magnificence before her eyes at an overwhelming height.

We're standing on Tokyo Tower's highest deck.

...

"Oh my God," she says when she can speak again. "This is… I don't even have a word for it."

"A great date?"

"No, this isn't a date," she says. "This is... madness!"

I laugh.

"Come on. You've been to Tokyo Tower before, haven't you?"

"Yes... many times. But I've always watched from the inside. I never stood on top of it."

"I did."

"Show off," she says.

"Scared of heights?" I tease her.

"What? No, I'm not scared. I'm just noticing that I'm dizzy and half-drunk, standing three hundred meters above ground level with another half-drunk. What's to be scared of?"

"That's the spirit," I say. "And even if we fell... there's plenty of time until we hit the ground to use my magic and save us. Although my reflexes are not as quick as usual right now, thanks to all the alcohol you made me drink… But no, even so, I'm almost sure I'd still be able to save us in time... I think."

"Eriol?" she says, staring at me. "Please shut up."

I just laugh.

So we stand there, beholding the breathtaking sight of the city, which looks at its most majestic at night, with its endless lights filling the landscape as far as the eye can see.

"This city… it looks like a huge living being," she eventually murmurs. "It's… beautiful."

"It is," I say. "This is something I never saw in any of my other lives. It's just... amazing. It's really beautiful... this world of yours."

"It's yours too, Eriol," she says. "You're not a tourist, are you?" You belong just as much as I do. This is your home."

"Is it?" I mutter. "Well, it doesn't matter. At least I get to see this view… and not alone, for once. I'm happy."

She looks at me then, and her eyes are glowing with the lights of the city that reflect on them, and that lovely smile on her lips.

"Thank you… for this fantastic date. But you didn't have to do all this… it could have been just as enjoyable with just the normal stuff."

I feel a smile of my own appearing on my face when I hear that.

"Maybe... but I wanted to do this, even if only this once. I wanted you to see this view. Also… we're not done here yet. There's something else I want to show you."

"Something else? You mean there's something else, beyond this?"

"There's always something else, you small-town girl," I say, teasing her. "You just have to know where to look. For instance... have you ever wondered how Tokyo looks from up here on New Year's Eve?"

"Okay... I won't even ask. Just do whatever you're planning to do. Go nuts," she says, chuckling.

"That's what I want to hear. Now sit down with me, and enjoy the view," I say, and I sit on the border of the narrow platform, offering her my hand to help her sit down next to me, right there on the very edge. And then, fireworks start.

At first, there are just a few, isolated ones, the smaller ones; bursting shyly into the night sky and disappearing quickly without a trace. But slowly it starts to grow. More and more of them appear, and noisier, bigger ones start exploding in the night sky; some even above our heads, in a rain of shining, colorful shooting stars that last for several seconds and leave sparkling trails. And then even more of them, white, green, red, blue, pink, orange, almost every color the human eye can see, and they're everywhere; above us, around us, and she's staring at them, mesmerized like a child; her eyes big as plates and shining with all the colors of the rainbow, and her face is a rapture and her hand squeezes mine.

And I feel happy, even if this is a fake New Year, even if she won't ever spend a real New Year with me.

And when it all eventually ends and there's nothing left to see in the sky but the stars and the smoke the fireworks left, she looks at me and kisses me. And her kiss is so exquisite and sweet and amazing it leaves me out of breath for a moment, and I think that if she keeps kissing me like that, we might just fall off the edge of the deck, and I won't even care.

"Let's get down," she whispers. "It's incredible up here, but it's time to get more... earthbound."

She's right. It's time to get down. It's starting to get too cold up there, and I'm starting to need her warmth just a bit too much.

...

[Some time later]

I'm sitting on dew-drenched grass, quietly staring at the sky as the first lights of the morning paint the sky in orange and pinkish shades. My head spins a little, and by my side, there's a drunk Tomoyo, lying asleep on the grass, half-covered by my coat. I look at her, and I can't help but feel a strange, sweet sadness stirring inside me. I touch her cheek, which is a bit cold, and I pull away some strands of hair from her face. My heart starts beating painfully inside my chest.

It's time.

There's no point in delaying this any longer, it will only make it harder. The night is almost over; it's time to do what needs to be done in order to spare her from being dragged any further into my unspeakable destiny.

This night, and myself, need to be erased from her mind forever. She would wake up in her house, in her bed, to live a normal life; a life without mages and frightening corridors and doors that lead to death and doom. A life where she can be a singer in a band, or whatever she wants; maybe fall in love with some blond guitarist that with any luck, will be good enough to deserve her.

And I… I will return to the same old thing I'm used to. Which is, my boredom and my books and my endless search for that damned door that would get me out of all of this. Another door. One that wouldn't taint and destroy her life.

With shortness of breath, I lay a trembling hand over her forehead. But then, before I can do anything, she stirs and turns to me, opening her eyes a little and yawning.

"Oh, God… did I... fall asleep?"

And I realize I can't. Not now. Not when she's staring at me like that.

"Looks like it," I say, stroking her hair and trying to sound smug, but failing to do so. "Are you cold?"

"No," she says. "This coat of yours... is quite warm. And you?"

"I'm fine," I say.

"Where are we?" she mutters, stretching her arms and sitting up slowly, with some effort, and taking a hand to her forehead. "Oh God, I don't think I could be any dizzier. My head feels like the inside of a washing machine. And my stomach... let's just be glad I ate lightly last night."

"I told you," I say, shaking my head and smiling, the way you do to a child who has misbehaved. "We're at Tsukimine Temple. You wanted to come here. After Tokyo Tower. Remember?"

"Oh, yes… I remember now. I think there was a reason for it, but now I don't seem to…"

"Do you want to leave? If you don't feel so well, I could carry you to a cab, you know?" I tease her. "Wouldn't be the first time."

"No, it wouldn't," she says, chuckling, as she lays back a bit and stares dreamily at the lake that is just a few meters from where we are. "But, look over there… the sun is about to rise. If we go now, we'll miss it. Let's stay… just a little longer."

"Of course," I say. "We can stay as long as you want."

She smiles and rests her head on my shoulder.

"This place is just so beautiful… so peaceful... Makes me kind of wish... that I could stay here forever."

I look at her, a bit surprised. She just stares back and smiles. I see some of the golden and pinkish lights from the sky shining in her eyes, and I can't help but answer with a smile of my own.

"I wish that too," I say, and I realize that I really mean it; actually, more than anything I've ever said to anyone, in any life.

"Then... let's do it. Let's just stay here," she mutters, closing her eyes.

I sigh, as I bury my hand in her hair and softly caress it.

"If only that was possible..."

"It is," she says. "Just... remember this. Engrave the feeling of this in your mind, and you will always be able to come back, whenever you want to. And I will do the same."

I look at her, and suddenly, I feel like a giant rock weighing down inside my chest.

"Tomoyo... there's no way I could ever forget this. Even if I live for another thousand years, I'll never forget this night. I'll never forget you."

She looks at me, her eyes wide open and kind of grave.

"Hey... why so gloomy all of a sudden? Look... it's such a wonderful morning... Don't you hear the birds? Don't you smell the grass? It's all happening now. Isn't it?"

"God, yes."

"Then, why care about what may happen a thousand years from now? This is real, Eriol, this; this moment is all we've got. Are you going to miss it by worrying about some future you have no control over?"

"No. You're right," I say, and I feel the smile reappearing on my face again. I look at her, and I can't believe how beautiful she looks, and how real, how solid; and I can't resist the urge to touch her, to relish in the warmth and softness of her skin, just because I can, I still can. "You're so wise sometimes, girl..." I say, as my fingers run down the smoothness of her cheek. "I keep forgetting you're only eighteen."

"Like you're one to speak," she says, smiling.

"But it's different. I'm not really the age I look. You know that."

"It's not that different. I told you already; your age is not in your looks, how many years you have lived, or how many memories you have. It's in your eyes. And your eyes never look like an old man's eyes... It's kind of strange, but, most of the time... they look like a child's eyes. A sad child."

"Don't let that fool you," I say, but I look away nonetheless, at the lake; suddenly unable to hold her gaze anymore. "There's a lot about me you don't know... things that would creep you out. Things that are anything but child-like."

"I know everything I need to know about Eriol Hiiragizawa... I don't care about your other lives. You weren't who you are now then. You may tell me about those things eventually, if you feel like it. And if not, that's okay too. But, you know? There is one thing I don't know about Eriol Hiiragizawa, and I've been meaning to ask. If you don't mind."

"What is it?"

"Where's your family?"

"My... family?" I mutter, startled by the unexpected turn the conversation has taken. "As in... my biological family?"

"As in your parents," she says, staring at me seriously.

"They're dead. They died when I was a baby, in a car accident. I was the only survivor. I have no siblings."

"Oh..." she mutters. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I never really got to know them, and even if they had lived, I wouldn't want anything to do with them by now."

"Really?" she says, and I sense a subtle change in her tone, from saddened to concerned. "Why?"

"Well... it's best not to get attached. Parents die, Tomoyo. Normal people have to deal with that pain maybe once or twice in a lifetime; but if you had to do it again, and again, and again… you'll learn to keep your distance too. And even more so, when you can't tell them who you really are."

"But why... why can't you tell them?"

"Would you tell your mother, the person who gave you life, the person who thinks of you as the sole most precious thing in the world, that she's the twelfth, or fifteenth, or twentieth mother you had; and that after you die you will have another one, and another one, and another one? That you've been born already old, knowing more things than she ever will, and there's nothing she can really teach you, or do to protect you?"

For a moment, she remains silent.

"I see. It would be very difficult to explain."

"And not just that. Parents don't usually respond well to having odd children with freaky powers, Tomoyo. I learned it the hard way. It scares them... sometimes it horrifies them. They tend to have extreme reactions, and some of them are really... not good," I sigh. "In the many lives I've lived, I've come to accept that it's better, and safer for them and for myself, to keep them oblivious… and at a distance."

"That's... really sad," she says, staring at me with a gleam of compassion in her eyes. "You mean you never had a close relationship with any of the parents you had in any of your lives? Not even once?"

Now it's me who stays silent for a moment, because it's a topic I don't really like thinking about. It brings back too many painful memories. But she's looking at me, waiting for an answer; and it's an answer I never gave to anyone... except for one person. And I've promised myself I wouldn't talk about this again; not to anyone else, not ever. But she keeps looking at me, waiting for an answer, her eyes huge and concerned and fixed on me, gleaming in the sunrise light, and despite everything, I realize there's a part of me that wants to tell her.

What does it matter, anyway? Soon enough this conversation would be wiped from her mind, just as if never happened, so... why not?

I sigh, not taking my eyes away from the lake; its calm surface now shining with purple and silver reflections as the sky starts clearing up, and it looks beautiful; though it suddenly occurs to me that it feels almost alien, as if we were different people, stranded on some different, distant planet.

"There was someone, once," I start. "A real long, long time ago. She was my mother. I mean, my real mother... my first mother. Or at least, the first I can remember. She was beautiful, and kind and... she loved me... very much. She was also... a witch."

"A... witch?" she says, surprised. "So... you got your powers from her?"

"No, I don't think so. What she did was... different. I don't think she had any real powers at all, but she used to make potions and poultices... help the sick... things like that. People in our village called her a witch."

"And you and she were close?"

It takes me a long time before I can continue talking, and when I do, I never take my eyes away from the lake waters.

"We were... until she died. I was too young back then. I couldn't understand. It wasn't... a good death, Tomoyo."

"What... happened to her?"

"She was murdered. Right in front of my eyes. They killed her... because of me."

I can't see her face, but I can feel her eyes fixed on me, almost as if her gaze burned.

"Oh my God. Eriol..."

I feel her hand being placed softly on my shoulder, and suddenly, I can't resist the urge to keep talking, to let everything out.

"They came in the night, those villagers. She never hurt anyone... but they didn't care. They slaughtered her like an animal and made me watch. I was just a small child... I couldn't control my powers back then. Bad things had happened, and people were scared. So, they wanted to put an end to it. It didn't matter to them that she was harmless... in their eyes, she was a witch, the mother of a monster. So, they chased us. I managed to escape alive, but... I couldn't help her. I couldn't save her."

"God, Eriol..." she mutters, and I can feel the immense sorrow that overwhelmed her. "I'm... I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine the things you must have gone through."

She feels terrible for asking me about this, and suddenly, I wonder if I did the right thing by telling her; if I shouldn't have kept all that awful stuff to myself. I look at her, trying to smile, to reassure her.

"No, don't feel sorry about it. It was a long time ago, and it didn't really happen to me, remember? I'm Eriol Hiiragizawa. My parents died in a car crash, and I never really got to know them."

She stares at me intently; her hand leaves my shoulder to stroke my cheek for a moment, and then, suddenly, she pulls me for a kiss. An impulsive, sweet, tender kiss; a kiss that is full of some inexplicable emotion, and that makes everything better, for some reason.

When she finally pulls away, my lips are trembling. She looks at me, a bittersweet smile on her face.

"Thank you... for telling me this. Even if it's terrible, it's your story; it's a part of who you are. Someday, I'd like to know all of your stories; even the terrible ones... if you share them with me."

"Someday... maybe," I say, looking away. I don't have the heart to tell her the truth about how that story ended. Or the fact that, that someday she hopes for, will never really come.

We remain silent for a couple of minutes, staring at the lake as the sun starts to appear on the horizon. Despite the bitter memories I've just re-awakened and the dreadful thing that awaits just a short while from now, it feels strangely comforting to be sharing this moment with her. I lay down, resting my head on her lap, and I feel her hands stroking and tousling my hair. As I absentmindedly stare at the sunrise, I feel the first rays of light on my face, and they're warm too, and it all feels so good and peaceful, that I really hope I could stop time and stay like this forever.

"Can I ask you one more question?" she mutters after a while.

"Sure."

"Who raised you in this life... after your parents died?"

I can't help but smile for a moment. Apparently, this girl is fixated on family issues.

"I have a grandfather in England who was my legal tutor until I came of age, and believes he paid for my education. But in truth, I raised myself on my own. Once I was in full possession of my powers and memories, I had no need for adults. And that happened when I was around two... three years old."

"Really?" she seems surprised. "But how could you live alone at such an early age? Weren't you scared?"

"No... and for appearance's sake, I had my guardians. Nakuru played the role of housekeeper for many years, so people wouldn't start asking questions. It's not such an unusual thing for wealthy people to have kids raised by house employees."

"Tell me about it. But, this grandfather you mentioned... is still alive?"

"He is."

"Do you ever see him, or talk to him?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Why would I? There's really no need."

"But don't you ever wonder what it would be like to talk to him from time to time, to have a relationship with him? To be a grandson?"

"No. I barely know the man. Why would I want such a thing?"

"Because you need a family, Eriol. Everybody does."

I look up at her, and this time it's me the one who is surprised, as I stare at the grave look in her eyes. I reach up and stroke her face, somewhat touched by the fact that she cares about this so much.

"Don't worry, Tomoyo. I already have all the family I need. Nakuru and Spinel are my family."

"No, they're not," she says. "They're your guardians. You made them, they're bound to you by magic. They love you, true, but they don't really have a choice... do they? They can't die, and they can't leave. They're like a perfect family; but families aren't perfect, Eriol. They're complicated, and messy, and might disappoint you sometimes, and yes, they might leave or get sick or die. But that's what makes your time with them so precious. You might be missing out on something amazing by not giving them the chance to know you. My father is already dead... but you still have your grandfather. Why don't you call him? Before he dies and you lose your chance."

I can't answer right away, because I'm speechless. Her words were blunt, almost to the point of cruel, but truthful; and they pulled some hidden string within me, and suddenly I realize she's right, annoyingly right about so many things; and I really am like a sad, angry, lonely child, and as I look at her I realize she reminds me so much of...

"I... I can't," I mutter, still puzzled by the mix of contradictory feelings her words have evoked in me. "You don't understand... we barely ever talked. How could I call him? What would I say to this man? I seriously doubt he would want anything to do with me, after nineteen years of an almost non-existent relationship."

"Maybe you're right. But, what if you're not? What if he feels lonely, misses his grandson, and just doesn't know how to shorten the distance? Both of you could be missing out on something amazing. But amazing things won't ever happen if you don't take chances; if you don't do anything different, if you don't ever dare to close your eyes and jump into the unknown."

"A leap of faith," I say, perplexed. "Is that what you're asking me to do?"

"Yes," she says. "Like the one I took with you that night at the bar. It's scary, I know. You have no idea how scary it was for me. But... I would have missed so much if I hadn't done it. That night... changed my life. It changed me. That's when I realized that awesome things can happen if you're willing to jump outside your safety net… and do things you never imagined yourself doing before."

I look at her, still not out of my amazement, as I sit up and run my fingers through her hair.

"You know, that night… changed me too," I say. "More than you can imagine. Look, I don't know if I'm really missing something with my grandfather, but… I have no doubt in my mind that the most amazing thing I could hope for has already happened to me... and I didn't miss it."

"What?"

"I met you."

She blushes a bit, somewhat taken aback; and not giving her time to react, I kiss her. I feel a little dizzy as she kisses me back, but her breath is warm and sweet against my mouth, and her arms a bit shaky as they go around me; we're still a bit drunk, and soon we lose balance and end up clumsily on the grass. But we don't bother to get up, we just lay there as the sun keeps rising on the horizon and its warmth bathes us. And I feel her head against mine, her fingers entwining with mine, and it's really all I need to feel at home, finally, after so many years of wandering.

"Let's go," I eventually hear her say between yawns.

"Where?" I ask.

"You know where," she says.

And using all of my willpower, I get up and help her do the same.

...

"I can't keep my eyes open," she says, almost apologetically, as soon as she lays her head on the pillow.

"Then close them. Date is officially over. You can sleep now," I say, as I lay next to her, our foreheads almost touching. She snuggles closer to me and sleepily tries to kick off her shoes, and I do the same with mine.

"I don't... want to," she mutters, yawning, with her eyes already closed and her body lying completely limp on my bed, and I know she's just a moment away from falling asleep. "I'll keep you company… in case you have more of those... bad dreams."

"Don't worry... I won't," I say, running my fingers through her hair. And soon enough I realize she's already asleep, and I just want to keep looking at her, just for another minute, before I have to say goodbye to her. I just want to enjoy her closeness for a moment longer, knowing there will be no next time. God, I feel so tired. I stroke her face, place a soft kiss on her nose, and rest my forehead against hers for a moment.

And then, everything's black.

...

Why did you lie to her, Clow?

I open my eyes and she's not here anymore. I touch the sheets on her side of the bed; they're still warm, which means she has just left. Still sleepy, dizzy and confused, I get up and go find her; feeling an intense distress grow inside my chest. Rubbing my eyes, I step out of the room and into the hallway.

And then...

I'm there, but I'm not really there. And she's there too, but she doesn't realize she's not really there. Or does she? It's already day, but the hallway is so dark, that all I can see is her; her white dress waving in the darkness, her bare feet moving towards that door that shouldn't be there but it's there anyway, and I know what is behind that door and all I can think of is that I can't let her get to it; so I run towards her and I call her and I yell at her to stop, but it all seems to happen in slow motion, and I know I won't get to her in time. So I just leap towards her and pounce on her and grab her, and we both fall to the floor, but she has this amazing strength and keeps crawling towards the door, never moving her eyes from it, as if she was hypnotized; and with growing desperation, I know I need to stop her in any way I can, before it's too late, before it's the end. So I gather strength from who knows where, and I climb her crawling body. I don't stop until I'm on top of her, and with a lot of struggle, I manage to turn her around and make her look at me.

Why couldn't you tell her the truth?

Her eyes are blacker than the darkest night, and they are blank, devoid of any feeling; without any shine or reflection, and they... they horrify me. But even more, the sound that comes from her mouth, and that doesn't sound anything like her voice.

"The key…"

She reaches up and in a swift movement, rips the chain from my neck. The small, golden key that was hanging from it starts shining in her hand, and growing, and changing its shape until it's no longer a key anymore.

You can't shield her from your darkness.

In utter horror, I see the thing she holds in her hand now.

A dagger.

"Let me go," she says. "It's calling me. I must..."

"No!" I yell.

And then, without a moment's hesitation, she thrusts the dagger into my chest, up to the hilt; I feel the cold blade breaking through my skin and my bones and sinking into my flesh, and a piercing pain in my heart, and suddenly there's so much blood sprouting from my chest in a gush and falling through her arms and tainting her white dress, and I taste blood in my mouth, and there's pain, so much pain I can barely stand it, and I try to breathe but I can't, and I feel life quickly flooding away from me, and...

In rattlings I look up, and the last thing I see is her: black hair, red eyes, twisted smile on her face. Standing in front of us.

Your wish... has been granted.

And then everything turns dark.

...

I wake up suddenly, covered in sweat and still feeling a piercing pain in my chest and gasping for air. I sit up, and take a hand to my ribs in a desperate attempt to remove a blade that isn't there; then I realize I'm on my bed, and my shirt isn't torn, and there isn't any blood anywhere. And she's also here, sleeping next to me.

But she's not sleeping peacefully. She's turning and twitching and making strangled sounds. So without thinking twice, I grab her by her shoulders and shake her strongly, calling her.

She opens her eyes; but when she sees me, she lets out a shriek of horror. Then she looks at her hands, my chest, and rips open my shirt.

"What… what the hell was-?" she exclaims, staring at me with horror-filled eyes. "That… that wasn't a dream! What was it? Who is that woman, Eriol?"

And as I hear her, I can feel myself go pale. Because if she has seen that, if she has somehow consciously participated in that dreadful vision, then… maybe it's already too late to change it, to stop it from happening.

"I don't…"

"No!" she yells. "Don't lie to me. I want the truth, Eriol! I just stabbed you! Do you understand? I drove a dagger through your heart! I had your blood on my hands, and... I... I couldn't stop it! I couldn't stop myself! There was blood… so much blood... and I saw your eyes completely lifeless… and then you... just died on me. And that woman… she said… she said..."

"Listen to me! You have to forget it. Forget anything she said!" I say, holding her by the shoulders.

"No!" she replies, staring at me with a defiant look in her eyes. "You have to tell me what's going on. Eriol, you have to, you owe it to me! What I just saw... wasn't just a dream. I know it wasn't. I deserve to know what the hell it was!"

For a moment, I can't do anything but look at her and sigh. Her body is trembling in utter distress, and covered in sweat too, and her eyes…

"Okay," I finally say. "You're right... I owe you the truth. I still don't understand it fully myself, but… I'll try to explain. I… I never wanted you to be involved in any of this; but the truth is... the day I came back to Japan... the night I found you in that bar…"

She's staring at me, waiting for those words that would reveal to her the unexpected, dreadful truth; and I have to stop for a moment and inhale deeply, painfully; if anything, to gather courage. Because a dream will be shattered once I dare to let them out.

"I came here to die."

…

---

Author's notes:

Alright, people… as you might have noticed... happy-fun-time is over.

Things will get dark.

Not much else to say, really. Sorry it took me so long to update! I've been really busy and it was really hard to get right the feel I wanted for this chapter. With some luck, I might have accomplished my goal. Or I might not. As always, I'd love to know your thoughts.

See you all in the next chapter!