One life

by Nessa Yavetil

When you are a powerful mage who reincarnates after every death, you learn to come to terms with love and loss. You learn to enjoy things while they last. But, what happens when you fall for someone who makes you believe you could change your destiny? (Sequel to "Do you remember love?" READ THAT ONE FIRST!)

7. Two worlds

7. Two worlds

---

A part of your soul ties you to the next world
Or maybe to the last, I'm still not sure.
But what I do know is to us the world is different
As we are to the world
I guess you would know that.

(VNV Nation – Illusion)

---

…

So... this is the world we live in now.

I watch, somewhat lethargically, as the last lights of day fade over the city I've come to know and love, and the skies slowly give way to darkness. In another time, in another world — the world I was born into — this would mean the end of the day, the cease of all activity, the moment to get inside closed doors, or gather around the fire with others. Never alone, always surrounded by others, because with nighttime, also came fear. There were so many things to be afraid of back then, so many dangerous things that could be lurking outside, in the dark... Wild animals, bandits, thieves... But what people feared the most and what drew them indoors and kept them closer together after dark were the other things. Those things that could only be spoken about in whispers, and yet no one ever doubted were real and were roaming the Earth: wicked, magical, otherworldly things... They had names for some of those: demons, witches, werebeasts, ghosts... But there were also other, even scarier things, things that couldn't even be named.

I remember, because, for a very long time… I was one of those things.

If I close my eyes, I can almost see it, almost feel it again. The exhilaration of the hunt. The rapid breath, the thumping heart, and the blind rage inside that could never be quenched, and that grew even bigger with each prey that fell. And further down, hidden, so deep below… the other feelings. But no, I won't. I won't relive it. That's all in the past, a distant past that happened in another world, in another life. Back then, I couldn't have imagined, not in my wildest dreams (and my dreams were always wild), that there could be anything else, any other way to live. I couldn't have imagined how much things would change, how different the world could be. I could have never imagined a world like this one, which unfolds now before my eyes.

A world where night is no longer something to be feared; where people live in giant hives called cities, surrounded by lights and machines that protect them, nurture them, envelop them like a mother's womb and make them feel safe. A world where most of the old, primal fears are almost entirely forgotten.

There are other fears now, of course; it's part of human nature to always be afraid of something. But there's no longer a reason to lock yourself inside after dark. On the contrary, this world seems to defy the night, and just as the light of day starts getting dimmer, its brighter, more colourful lights start to take over: in the shops, inside the houses, on the streets, on the marquees, everywhere; and before it gets dark, everything is illuminated by the blinding light of a thousand light-bulbs and neon signs, and anywhere you look, there's movement and bustle. The city feels like a giant moonflower, which truly blooms into its beauty at night.

And I watch it bloom one last time, in respectful yet somewhat nostalgic awe, from the top of the tower at Haneda Airport. The same airport where I landed with my guardians a few months ago, knowing deep down that I would never get on a plane again to fly back home, but completely unsuspecting of the many unexpected, amazing turns I would find in this final part of my long, long journey.

And being almost at the end of it now, I can't help but wonder… how will the world keep changing without me on it? How many more amazing transformations will happen that I'll forever miss?

There's no way to know now. Not anymore. As I get closer to the end, I find that there's only so much I can still know about the future. There is that scene with her, by that door… and after that, nothing.

Total blankness.

And even that scene is a future that, if things turn out right tonight, I'm intending to rewrite. So, there's no way to be certain about anything anymore.

Not even things that are foreordained.

But that's a good thing, actually. It's kind of exhilarating. I'm tired of always knowing... so tired. So, as I look down at this world, at its giant moonflower cities with their skyscrapers and their illuminated, overly-busy nights, beautiful and appealing as they are… I realize that the only thing I know for sure is that tonight, one way or another, I'll be saying goodbye to it.

This isn't my world, it's hers. I don't fit here. At least in the old world, I had a place. It wasn't a good place, but it was a place nonetheless. I wouldn't be loved, but at least I would be acknowledged, respected, feared... even hated for what I was. I didn't have to hide. I had a role in the order of things.

This world, instead… doesn't really have a place for me. Not even an awful one. The only way to live here is to hide who I am and keep my distance from everyone, even the ones I care about. I can't afford to love, because it's too dangerous for those who might love me back. And I can't stomach becoming something to be feared and hated again... not anymore. Not after all I've been through. This world has slowly declawed me, and now... I'm nothing.

In this world of light and science, there's no place for creatures like me, creatures who lurk in the dark, feeding on ancient powers. And like it or not, as civilised and well-mannered as I might have become… deep down, that's still what I am.

Still.

And now, the only way to get what I want, to make my deepest wish come true, is to stop denying what I am… and embrace it.

…

Nighttime. There's full, enveloping darkness all around and a thick mist, and the moon can't be seen anywhere.

In that darkness, two figures stand: a tall, hooded one holding what looks like a big cane in its hand, and a smaller one that seems to be that of a child.

The tall figure whispers something in an incomprehensible tongue, and suddenly a light appears on top of the cane. A small orb of light that floats above it, illuminating the faces of the two shady characters and revealing with its silver glimmer what seems to be the remains of a dwelling, but now it's just a smoking ruin.

"What… what… happened here?" The small figure whispers in the almost complete darkness. "Where's my…?"

"Gone," the tall figure says hoarsely. "They burned it down."

"But where is…?"

The tall figure looks down, towards a dark, twisted bulge that looks frighteningly human among the rubble.

"Is that…?" the small figure cries in horror. "Mo... ther?"

The tall figure nods.

"No... it can't be!" The small figure yells, seemingly in great pain, and looks up at the taller figure. "Why?!"

"You know why," the tall figure hoarsely says.

There is a moment of silence. Finally, the shaken, small figure manages to speak again.

"Because... of me. Because… I'm a demon."

"Yes."

"But she wasn't…"

"She was the mother of a demon. A witch. Just as dangerous. And this is what they do to witches and demons. No, don't look away. Look at it, boy. Never forget this sight. Carve it in your mind. This is what they do... to those who are like you."

…

It's nighttime. There's full, enveloping darkness all around and a thick mist, and the moon can't be seen anywhere.

And in that darkness, two figures stand: a tall human one, and a big animal one. Both of them winged, and both of them frightening.

The animal figure whispers something in a low voice, and suddenly light appears on top of them — a small orb of light that floats up above their heads, illuminating the faces of the two shady characters and revealing with its silver glimmer what used to be a dwelling, and now is… something else.

"What… what… happened here?" The human figure whispers in the almost complete darkness. "Where's our…?"

"Gone," the animal figure says hoarsely.

"Gone…? Where? And why is everything so dark?" the human figure asks. "What the hell is that… thing?"

In the darkness of a sky that looks as if a major eclipse had just taken place, nothing can be seen but a flowing, thick black mist, somewhat shaped like a dome and tightly surrounding the place where a house should have been.

"Oh my God..." the human figure suddenly halts, petrified, as if realizing something, and yells. "Suppy-chan… where is he? Why can't I feel his presence? Is he...?"

"He's not dead... yet," the giant, impressive panther creature somberly says. "But I don't know for how long that would be. That thing over there… he made it. I witnessed it. I think it's some kind of magical barrier to keep us outside, so that we won't disturb him while he does… whatever it is that he plans to do. He's in there, doing it right now, as we speak. Which means... we don't have much time."

"Then, let's stop him!" the human figure yells, its red eyes filling with panic as it starts flying towards the dome-shaped thing.

But the panther creature suddenly stands in front of her, blocking her path.

"Wait! We can't go through that thing until we know what we're dealing with, and how to break through it! It could seriously hurt us. It could even kill us. Can't you feel it? This… is not a regular magical barrier. The power of this thing... is dark, terrifying... and it's increasing. It's unlike anything I've felt before. I don't even know what it is."

There's a moment of tense silence between the two figures as red, human eyes stare defiantly into the blue, catlike ones. But then, another voice sounds behind their backs.

"I know what it is."

…

"Yue?" I say with a hint of voice as I turn around. "You're here."

The tall, silver figure looks back at me, and there is a slight smile on its face.

"I told you… I'll help you in any way I can. I can't just sit back and watch this happen all over again. Also… your former master is a friend of my mistress, and she'll never forgive me if I let him die."

"Thank you," I say, really moved to see he's here, willing to help, and even feeling a tiny glimmer of hope stiring in my chest.

Then, I notice he's alone.

"And Touya-kun?"

"He'll be here soon... hopefully with some help." He stops for a second, and his face turns suddenly somber. "Akizuki-san… if this is what I think it is, we're going to need all the help we can get."

"And what do you think this is?" Suppy asks.

"I think… it's a kekkai," Yue says. "It was one of Clow's greatest powers. Like you said, it's not just a magical barrier. It's way more complex. It's a spiritual barrier that comes from its caster's heart; from an unyielding wish to protect something. It's directly connected to the caster's life force, sustained by his deepest feelings and desires. It sends the entire space inside it to another dimension; so right now, he is unreachable… almost as if he were in another world."

"Have you ever… seen this before?" Suppy says. Yue nods, looking crestfallen.

"Once."

"And…?"

"It didn't end well."

"Is there any way to tear it down?" Suppy asks impatiently.

"None that I know," Yue says, serious and grim. "You see… a kekkai is much stronger than a regular magical barrier, and this one was created by the most powerful being in the world. The power needed to tear it down would have to surpass his. But even if we managed to obtain such an enormous amount of power, which is unlikely, there's another problem. Since it's so deeply connected to him, to his life force, attacking it would be like attacking him. We could harm him irreversibly. We could even kill him. Once created, the only way a kekkai would come down is if the caster wishes it down… or if he dies."

"You mean… we can't tear it down," I mutter, feeling more and more afraid by the second. "But... can we get through it, somehow?"

"I don't think so," Yue answers, looking disheartened. "Can't you feel it? This thing has terrible destructive power. A dark, dark power indeed. I don't think anything or anyone can pass through it without receiving tremendous harm. Even us, with all our powers… I think it could easily kill us."

"It pushed me out of the house when he created it," Suppy says. "It knocked me unconscious, and left me sore and shaken… and it barely even touched me."

"But… why?" I mutter in total despair. "Why is it so dark and destructive? This isn't him… it's not the Eriol we know. This magic… can't be his."

"It's his," Suppy says somberly. "He was always capable of this; he just kept it hidden from us. But he did warn us… remember? He said that if we tried to stop him, he would hurt us."

"I can't believe..." I mutter, and the words taste bitter in my mouth. "Is this what he meant? Are we just… intruders to him, now? Is he really capable of hurting us… or even killing us?"

"Akizuki-san… don't take it personally," Yue starts. "That's not what he thinks of you. He cares about you, you know that. He's just… desperate and misled."

"Misled…?" I yell, my eyes clouded with tears. "Misled, my ass! How will I not take it personally? This is my master who's going to die in there, and he doesn't even want me anywhere near him when it happens! He's even willing to keep me away by using that dangerous thing that could kill me! So, explain to me, how is this helping? Telling us all is lost and not to take it personally? If that's all you can do, then leave!"

"Nakuru! Stop." Suppy says then, in a harsh, severe tone, startling me, and as he stares at me very seriously, suddenly, I feel compelled to shut up. "Don't take it on Yue; at least he's giving us information. What are you doing besides whining? You think we have time for that nonsense now? This is a crisis, for God's sake! Our master's life is on the line, and we have no time, so pull yourself together! Your hurt feelings can wait, because right now, there's something very important I need you to do."

Speechless, I barely manage to look at him.

"What?" I mutter, trying not to let my bafflement show in my voice, because in all of our years of living together, never, ever before has Suppy dared to speak to me like that… and it's actually kind of frightening.

"I need you to go and get her," he says.

For a moment, I just stare blankly at him, not really understanding what I'm hearing.

"Her? Who? "Wait, you mean… her!?" I say, my eyes opening wide.

He nods, and my eyes grow even bigger.

"You mean the girl with no powers who dumped him, broke his heart, and left him all depressed and suicidal and who is most likely the entire cause of this whole crisis happening in the first place? That's who you want me to bring? Have you completely lost it?"

"No," he says. "We need her. If you're right and she's the cause of this, she might very well be the only one who can stop it. And if she's not… she might still be able to help. Think, Nakuru… Even if we somehow find a way to break through this kekkai without killing him or ourselves in the process… how are we going to stop him from doing whatever he's doing in there? He's still much more powerful than us, and he won't listen to anything we say. You've seen it already. If we try to make him stop, he will fight us, and we will lose. You know that. But maybe, if she's with us… maybe he'll stop and listen. You saw it today in the park. He still has feelings for her, and she still affects him a great deal. That means she might be our only chance to bring him back to his senses. We need her here, on our side."

"But… it's ridiculous," I protest. "Why would she come? They were barely even together to begin with, and that was months ago. We haven't even seen her since then. For all we know, she doesn't give a damn about him anymore."

"Maybe… but maybe she still does. And if not, she has a kind heart, so even if she doesn't care about him… maybe she can still be persuaded to help us. That's where you come in. You bonded with her a little back then. You'll have to convince her."

"What? I've teased her a few times, made her pancakes once, threatened her, and she promised me some outfits, which she didn't deliver. I would hardly call that bonding."

"You gave her a dress. You watched TV with her. Talked to her. Cooked with her. That's bonding, and you're going."

I look at him with dismayed eyes.

"This… this can't be our best plan. Tell me we have another plan... Suppy."

"Will you open your eyes already? We have no plan! He didn't give us enough time for that! We're just holding onto whatever we can, so stop wasting the little time we have and get moving! Bring her here. Oh, and Nakuru…" He pauses for a second, looking at me very seriously. "Convince her by any means you can, but do not harm her. Things are bad enough as they are without making him angry."

I look at him for a second, and the reality of the situation hits me like a slap in the face when I see the desperation and fear in his eyes.

This is a crisis like nothing we've ever seen before: our master's life is really at risk, we're almost out of time, and we've got no plan…

So, I have to get this girl to come with me no matter what.

…

Sunset.

A valley, and in it, a dusty pathway that leads to a rustic, isolated, weathered-looking shack. On that path, a child is running. A boy, not older than five or six years old, with a somewhat outstanding appearance: really fair skin, long, almost silver-blonde hair — although darkened by all the dirt in it — falling in messy waves over his face and shoulders, and his big, turquoise-blue eyes. His dirty face, all flustered from the race, was a bit swollen and bruised; his bare feet were dusty; and his shabby clothes, patched in many places.

The boy stops by the crude wooden door, slams it open, and then stops for a moment to catch his breath and to look up at the woman who was inside the humble dwelling.

It was a small, simple hovel, and inside it was a woman whose youth and beauty couldn't be entirely concealed by the dark clothes she wore, as shabby as those on the kid; the dirty rag that covered her hair; and the strange-looking reddish substance splattered all over her hands and face.

The woman turns around and stares at the child, noticing his tearful eyes, the big, purple bruise on his cheek, the swollen upper lip, and the distressed grimace on his face. And her gaze darkens immediately.

"My son… what happened?"

The boy blinks repeatedly as if he were struggling to hold back tears; both his hands squeezed into tight little fists and his entire body shaking, although that could be due to the exhaustion of the race.

"Mother," he mutters, looking down. "I've done... something bad. Really… really bad."

The woman kneels before him, placing her hands on his shaky shoulders. The child looks up in distress. The woman's dark eyes look worried, but also gentle and reassuring.

"What did you do? Tell me," she says.

The child's lips tremble, and a tear falls down his cheek. And then, another one.

And then he bursts out crying.

The woman embraces him, and the child sobs in her arms.

"It's okay," she mutters. "You'll see. Whatever it is, we'll make it right. Everything will be alright. Tell me," the woman says, wiping away tears from the child's face. "What happened?"

"They made me do it," the boy says, between sobs and hiccups. "I didn't want to, but they… made me angry. They kept saying these awful things about you, and... Father."

"Who were they?"

"Some boys from the village. I was mad, and… Tell me… are you a witch?"

The woman's eyes narrow.

"Is that what they said?"

"Y-yes… They said you're a witch. They said you hunt people at night and rip out their hearts to do forbidden magic. They said I have no father, because my father was a demon with horns and wings that you summoned in one of those rituals. They said I'm cursed... a demon child, and that's why I look so different from everyone else."

The woman sighs, a sad expression showing in her face.

"My son… they were just trying to hurt you. Don't you believe such things. You look different because your father was from the north… From a place where snow falls all year, and everything is covered in white. The people who live there have pale skin and blond, almost white hair, just like yours… but they bleed and they die like all humans, and their blood is red, just like everyone else's. Your father was from those clans. Yes, they're savages… but they aren't demons. They are very, very mortal, and that's why you have no father. He wasn't a demon... and neither are you."

"But then… why do these evil things keep happening around me? I don't want to do them. They just… happen… and I can't stop them."

The woman stares at him with worried eyes.

"What happened? What… did you do?"

The child looks down, struggling to hold back his tears.

"I… I've set them on fire!"

…

I failed.

I had one job to do, and I failed.

As predicted, she wouldn't come with me. But things were actually worse than I expected. It wasn't that she didn't care about him anymore… it was that she didn't even remember him. Nor me. At all.

Yes, the dumb git wiped out her memory, and by doing so, he threw away any last hope we could have of someone talking some sense into that thick skull of his. Because, as kindhearted as she might be, why on Earth would she want to run in the middle of the night with some stranger to help someone she doesn't even know?

Disheartened and crestfallen, I return to the house. Suppy just looks at me, and I barely shake my head no, sadly.

I can't even say it. I can't say I failed.

The situation doesn't look any better than before. At least he's still alive; I can tell because that huge, horrendous black thing is still there, in the place where, until a few hours ago, my home was, but that is not much consolation. My master is still locked inside there and still unreachable, still doing who-knows-what to get his life to an early end; and the sky is so dark and so menacing like I've never seen it before; not even that time when we fought that girl, his heir, and her guardians… And it gives me shivers to even remember it, because that time I was by his side, protecting him, fighting alongside him, and I never, in a thousand years, would have thought that there would come a day in which I'd be on the other side, fighting against him; a day in which I would be among those who feared him, afraid of his powers and his determination and what he was capable of...

Suppy and Yue are discussing the few unlikely courses of action, none of which seem very promising, and they're starting to look hopeless and disheartened too, and I… I don't even have the state of mind to try to understand what they're saying anymore. I'm just struggling with the realization of what a complete failure we are and how easily Eriol not only overpowered us, but also outsmarted us. It doesn't even matter what we do: try to stop him or not try to stop him; attack the kekkai or not attack it. If we don't find a way to tear down the damn thing, he'll die in there on his own, but if we tear it down, we'll kill him.

It's bulletproof. Either way, he gets what he wants… and we fail.

Suddenly, I let myself fall to my knees on the ground. I'm so scared I can't even think straight, I can't even cry; all I can do is just stare at my hands and be painfully aware that any moment now, my master — no, the child whom I held in my arms that summer night and promised I would always be there to protect — is going to die in there, all alone, consumed by darkness, and all I can do is just stay here and watch, impotently, clenching my fists and just being… useless.

I kind of blocked out for a moment. But then, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up and see two amethyst eyes, staring at me with a compassion and sorrow like I've never seen before, and it almost makes my stomach quiver.

"Stay with us, Akizuki-san… Don't give up yet. You're not alone in this. Touya will be here any moment now, and… together we'll find a way to save him. I promise. I trust these people with my life."

"These people…" I mutter, staring at him and trying to understand his words. "Who?"

But then, just as he's about to speak again, I'm flashed by a blinding light, and I have to cover my eyes as I hear a violent brake noise behind me.

"My family," Yue says. "They're here."

I turn around and see a car, and Touya quickly getting out of it. And then, more doors open, and… I can't even believe what I'm seeing.

Short, auburn hair; emerald eyes, and the cutest, most lovely smile I've ever…

It's Sakura. Eriol's heir, the new card's mistress, the one entrusted with Clow's powers. The only one who could actually match Eriol's powers, or at least be powerful enough to make a difference.

It's Sakura!

And she's not alone; alongside her appears her other guardian, Kerberos, and even that brat who's always hanging around her and has magical powers too, whose name I can't remember for the life of me.

Suddenly, we're almost like an army of magical beings. Suddenly, there seems to be a gleam of hope again.

"Sorry it took me so long," Touya says, looking at Yue. "These two… well, three, if you count the annoying talking tiger-thing, have just landed. The airport is a bit far away, so I raced like hell to get them here in time. They wanted to fly, but I told them to stay put and save their energy... as you told me to."

"Who's a tiger, you idiot?" Kerberos complains. "Anyone could tell I'm a lion. Do you see any stripes?"

Not paying attention to them, Sakura takes a few steps toward us.

"Yue," she says. "I came as soon as I could. Thank you for calling me."

He smiles at her fondly, and she approaches him and hugs him for a second. Then, she looks at us.

"Akizuki-san… Spinel-san... Something serious is happening with Eriol-kun, right? We're here to help."

"But… how?" I mutter, blinking, still unable to believe it. "How are you even here? You weren't around. I haven't felt your presence here for months!"

"Yukito called me a few hours ago," she says. "He told me you were at his house and that you were really worried about Eriol-kun. I was already packing to come back tomorrow, so I just hurried up a little bit more and caught the first flight to Japan. Eriol is my friend, you know… I won't let anything bad happen to him. So… will you explain what's going on here? What is that thing over there… and what happened to the sky? Why is everything so dark? This almost looks like that time... when I was turning the cards and we had to fight each other."

"No. This is worse." Yue says. "He was just testing you back then, and he wanted you to succeed. There wasn't any real danger at that time. But this… is not a test. He's determined to follow through with whatever he wants to do… and he will fight for it with all his might. Which makes this a much more dangerous situation for us… because we have to stop him."

"But… what is he trying to do?"

"Apparently… to end his own life," Suppy says, staring at her in concern. "Just like Clow did… but I have reasons to believe it could be even worse this time. I believe he might be messing with some seriously dark, forbidden magic… to what end, I'm not sure, but…"

"Wait," Sakura says, astonished. "Eriol-kun… ending his life? That can't be right. Eriol-kun is not suicidal! Is he?"

"I don't think so, Sakura… but it doesn't matter. That's exactly what he wants to do. He told us," Suppy says gravely. "And he's so determined to do it that he's even willing to hurt us — any of us — if we try to stop him. Don't you feel the power in this barrier?"

"Yes, I do. It's... terrifying," she says, a little shaken. "What… is it?"

"It's a kekkai. A barrier created by his deepest wishes, and directly connected to his life and soul."

"The power of it is tremendous, but, this… doesn't feel like Eriol's energy at all. It's so dark… it gives me chills just to be near it. Are you sure he's in there, and this horrible thing... is his doing?"

"Yes," Suppy says. "Sadly, I'm sure."

"But... none of this makes any sense! Why would Eriol do something like this? There must be something else going on... something we don't know."

"Maybe," Suppy says. "We don't really know what his true motivations are… all we know is that he's going to die soon, and we have to stop him. Now. Will you help us… Sakura-san?"

"Of course," she says. "I'll do everything I can."

…

"You… set them on fire?" The woman remains still, petrified for a moment. Her face has turned pale, but she struggles to keep her composure. "Are you telling me the truth?"

"Y-yes," the boy sobs. "I wish I hadn't, but… I did. I mean… it was me. I know it was me."

"But… how? How did that happen?"

"I… don't know. They were mocking me, saying those mean things… and I wanted to hit them, but there were two of them, and they were bigger than me, and stronger… I couldn't win. They beat me up. So, I was lying on the ground, and I was so angry… I wanted to make them pay. People fear demons, right? Not mock them. I wanted them to fear me. I wanted them to feel pain for what they did. I felt all this heat gathering in my chest and my hands… I couldn't stop it, and suddenly, their clothes caught on fire! They started screaming, and one of them ran and threw himself into the river, but the other one… I think he's really hurt. I think… he might be dead. And I… I did it! I know… I felt it. That fire came from me. I wanted them to suffer, and I made them burn!" he cries.

The woman's face turns even paler. She looks evidently worried.

"Was anyone else there? Did anyone see?"

The boy nods.

"People were yelling. They called me evil, and monster… they all seemed really scared. So, I got up and ran."

The woman looks shocked.

"Gods," she whispers. But then she reacts. "My child… I need you to listen to me very carefully, and do exactly as I say. Do you understand?"

The boy looks at her in fear, his eyes wide open.

"Yes… mother."

"Remember that cave not far from here, where I sent you to collect moss for my poultices?"

"Y-yes."

"Do you remember where it is?"

"Yes. But mother, why…?"

"Listen! I need you to run there now, as fast as you can, and hide. Find a dark, hidden corner deep inside that cave, curl up in there, and be really still and really quiet… okay? It'll only be for a short while. When night falls, I'll go there to get you, and we'll go away together… far from here. Do you understand?"

"We're leaving our home?" the boy asks anxiously. "But… why? Is it… because I'm a monster, like they said? Because I'm a demon?"

The woman's expression softens then, and her eyes fill with compassion. She reaches down and strokes the boy's head.

"No. Listen to me: don't believe such things. You're neither a monster nor a demon. You're just… different. You have a gift, but most people won't understand that. They might even want to hurt you because of that gift. That's why we have to leave."

The dirty, wet little face rises then, and two apprehensive, fearful turquoise-blue eyes meet the woman's brown ones.

"But… I've set people on fire. This gift... must be an evil thing."

"Listen," she says. "Fire can kill, but it can also give life. It can keep you warm on cold nights, so you don't freeze to death. It can cook your meat, so you don't get sick when you eat it. It can keep forest beasts away, so they don't eat you. Do you understand what I'm saying? This gift can be a curse or a blessing; but which one is up to you. You're the one who must decide what to do with it."

"But… how will I know what to do?"

"I'll help you," she says, a hint of a smile appearing on her worried face.

"So… you're not scared of me? You don't think I'm a monster?"

She shakes her head no.

"I'm your mother," she says. "But now, I need you to do as I say. Go to that cave and hide. They might be looking for you already. Wait for me there. I'll come to get you later, I promise."

The boy looks at her, frightened.

"Why don't you come with me now?"

"I can't. I need to pack a few things, or we won't survive out there. But I'll go get you as soon as I can. Now, go there and hide."

"But…"

"Do as I say!"

The boy looks at her with tearful eyes.

"Yes… mother."

She lays a quick kiss on his forehead. And then, he's gone.

…

"So, we can't attack the kekkai directly…" Sakura says, after we explain the situation to her. "But… maybe we can use some cards on it? Some of the non-aggressive ones, and see if we can affect it somehow, without hurting him?"

It's quite a basic, straightforward plan, but it's the first one we've got so far, and seeing the lack of better ideas, we're all willing to give it a try.

The tension could be cut with a knife as we all stand back in anxious, expectant silence as she closes her eyes and conjures up her staff. Although this is a scene I've seen many times in the past, it's different to behold it now; it's almost… breathtaking.

We watch in awe as the engulfing darkness around us recedes a little at the light of her mahoujin, and she chants the words that would call upon her powers, and her aura becomes visible and starts glowing, and everything gets illuminated for a second; all of our eyes are set on her, as if she were the only light, the only beacon who could guide us through the darkness of this night.

The staff appears in her hands, and everything turns dark again for a moment, but then she starts calling her cards, and a stunning, terrifying magic show begins.

"Through!" she calls. "Make a path for us to go inside this barrier! Light! Illuminate our way through this darkness! By the power entrusted to me by Clow and my own power, I command you!"

Both cards appear in all their magnificence, and in a shining blast of light, they plunge against the kekkai, combining their powers together in an attempt to create a way, a passage, for us to go through. But nothing happens. The barrier seems to absorb all the light, unaffected, and afterwards everything is still dark as hell, and we're still not any closer to being on the other side of it.

Not losing her spirits, Sakura calls other cards, any card that could be worth a shot.

"Time! Take us back to the moment before Eriol created this barrier!"

But time just won't go back; it's as if the kekkai's very existence has created a rip, a distortion in the fabric of reality that has changed the rules of time and magic.

"Erase, it's your turn! Make this thing disappear!"

But once again, the card does not affect the barrier in any way. The only thing we actually see happening is the light of the cards being absorbed by the kekkai, and then everything turns dark again.

Despite this, Sakura doesn't lose her nerve. She keeps trying with all the logical options she can think of, all with the same results; then, she starts trying with whatever is left in the deck that is not directly harmful, but nothing seems to make any visible alteration. The kekkai remains the same, but with every card she calls, Sakura looks more and more exhausted, and with every failed attempt, a little more of my weak, shattering faith is lost.

Things start to look desperate; the cards are not affecting the barrier in any way, and Sakura's reassured optimism is starting to shake.

"Windy! Shadow!" she shouts randomly, panting and looking pale. "Float! Move!" All attempts at making sense already been forgotten. "Watery! Change!" and it all starts feeling a bit too much like clutching at straws.

The kekkai remains there, unchanged, huge and imposing; an ominous reminder of the power of the one we're trying to go against… and of our weakness.

"I can't…" she eventually pants, in a beaten tone. "I can't seem to affect it… with the cards. Not with the non-aggressive ones… at least."

"Are you okay?" Yue asks, visibly worried. Suddenly it hits me that this is his mistress, the one who means as much to him as Eriol means to me.

"I'm fine… I think. I'm just… a little tired," she says, but she looks strangely pale; her face is covered in sweat, and her breath comes out in gasps. "Let me rest for a moment… and then I'll try again."

"Sakura, don't," the brat whose name I don't recall suddenly says, and he looks even more worried than Yue. "You obviously can't affect this barrier, but it's affecting you. There's something odd about it... I can feel it. I think it's more dangerous than it looks."

"Maybe..." Yue says, crestfallen. "Maybe it's time to start discussing more… extreme measures."

We all look at each other, and strange glances are exchanged.

"What… do you mean?" I ask, not really sure I want to hear the answer.

"You know what he means." Suppy says, staring at me gravely. "You've seen it… non-aggressive powers are useless. We need to attack it, Nakuru."

"But…" I whisper, turning to Yue. "You said the kekkai is connected to him! You said we could kill him if we tear it down!"

"Maybe if we all focused our powers on one point and held back a little… we could make a rip, a hole in it, without tearing it down. It might hurt him… but it shouldn't kill him, and it will give us a chance to get through." Yue says.

"You can't be serious! That's your plan?" I yell. "What if it goes wrong? What if we push a little too hard, and accidentally kill him? We can't do that! It's too dangerous!"

"Nakuru… I'm not sure we have any other choice. We're running out of options here," Spinel says. "If we don't find a way to get through it quickly, he's going to die anyway. We don't have much more time left."

"I have... an idea we could try, before doing that," Sakura says. "If you let me."

We all look at her, and then she closes her eyes. Her mahoujin appears underneath her feet again as she invokes one of the last cards she still has in the deck, unused.

"Sword!" she yells.

There's light, and then, a shining, impressive magical blade appears in front of her; and she grabs it and wields it.

"This is supposed to cut through anything," she says. "If it can cut through the kekkai, even a little... maybe it'll make a rip in it for us to pass through. But if it's connected to him, he will feel the cut... won't he?"

"Yes," Yue says. "But it shouldn't kill him, as long as the kekkai is not destroyed."

"But it will hurt him," Sakura says, hesitant, her eyes growing worried. "It will be extremely painful."

"Yes," Suppy says. "But it doesn't look like we have any other choice. He'll die anyway if we don't act fast."

"Okay, then…. I'll try," she sighs. "Forgive me, Eriol-kun... Please hold on," she says, and then she breathes in, raises the sword in her trembling hands, and charges against the misty barrier with it with all her might.

But as soon as the blade touches it, there's a glow on the kekkai's surface, like a bolt of lightning. Both Sakura and the sword are pushed back and sent flying into the air, repelled by a powerful force, and before any of her guardians can even move to catch her, she crashes hard into the ground.

"Sakura!" several voices yell as they all run towards her. All but me. I just stand there, trembling and staring at the impenetrable barrier, trying to see if there is even the smallest cut or rip on it.

There isn't.

There's nothing at all.

I feel something really cold and dreadful spreading through my chest, my limbs, and my entire body.

What is this thing?

In the background, I hear mixed noises of Sakura coughing and gasping for breath, and many worried voices asking her if she's okay… but I can't manage to feel anything.

I don't care about any of that.

I just stand there, my eyes fixed on the kekkai, paralyzed, my mind suddenly blank, completely overwhelmed by the situation.

Maybe it's because I'm in such a state, almost numb and anaesthetized and no longer paying attention to all the drama unfolding in front of me, that I get to notice for the first time the faint presence behind me. A presence that feels so dim and colorless compared to all the bright, magical ones around me, that it's very easy to miss or overshadow, but that somehow still feels familiar, warm, and gentle… and also anxious and terrified.

Not entirely believing what my senses tell me, I turn around. And then my dismayed eyes meet two frightened, deep violet ones surrounded by a very pale face and long dark hair. And the owner of those eyes, who is just staring at the scene in horrified silence, then looks at me, and for a moment that seems to last an eternity, our eyes meet and we just stare at each other, and I see the shock but also the recognition in her eyes; I see the white dress she's wearing, and suddenly, for some reason, I feel the knot inside my chest loosen a little bit and my eyes fill up with tears.

…

It's the most amazing thing, how sometimes I still feel surprised about the strange things that happen in my life.

I know I should be used to them by now; bizarre, outlandish things have been happening all around me since I was a kid; I have seen hundreds of them over the years. And yet, nonetheless, sometimes they can still be a shock, so unexpected that I feel like I've fallen into some fantasy tale of some kind, like those I used to read so eagerly when I was a child.

It's almost ironic that I used to daydream so much about that when I was a kid. I read those stories, and I longed for those magical worlds, I longed to be part of fantastic adventures and be surrounded by fairy-tale, colorful characters. I never lost hope that, just like it happened to Bastian, Alice, or Dorothy, I too would be able to someday find that door, that secret passage between worlds, and leave my boring, uninteresting, colorless life behind.

I had wished for it so much that I was almost mind-blown when, one fateful day, my best friend in the entire world showed up with a staff, a talking lion thing flying over her shoulder, and a book of cards, and told me that she was the heir of some ancient wizard and had been granted magical powers and chosen for a very important mission.

And I was so mesmerized by the repercussions of it, by the magical world that suddenly unfolded before my eyes, almost within my reach; I was so blinded by its brightness that I couldn't see at first that I hadn't been actually invited into it. I wasn't really part of it; I was only a bystander, a tourist, a glimpser. I didn't realize that this world was actually foreign to me, and I could merely peek at it in astonishment, take a few pictures maybe, make a few videos as a souvenir, and then return to my own, ordinary, dull one, never allowed to fully participate in it, never really able to affect it or do anything that mattered in it. Because I wasn't bright enough, I didn't have that glow that all these people around me had. I could only watch them from the shadows.

Because I was just me. Non-magical, common, unremarkable Tomoyo.

That was before him.

He made me feel different. He, who belonged completely in that world of magic I so longed for, somehow made me feel glowing and magical too, and although he longed to belong in my world almost as much as I longed to belong in his, in the short time we spent together we managed to find another world in between; a world that was not entirely his and not entirely mine, but was just as amazing, and in which both of us felt comfortable and like we belonged. A world in which I didn't have to watch from the shadows, in which I wasn't just a passerby or a watcher but a maker, a creator too.

And that world and everything in it are about to be crushed down by that huge black thing in front of me, and I can't do anything about it, anything at all, because in this world, I'm still me.

Non-magical, common, unremarkable Tomoyo.

So I just stand there and watch from the shadows, paralyzed, overwhelmed, unable to move or speak, the unbelievable scene that unfolds in front of me. A scene not unlike so many others I've witnessed before, yet so alien, so indescribably unprecedented, that I can't even begin to process it correctly.

The sky is darker than black; the stars and the moon, which had been shining so vividly just a few hours ago, seem to have disappeared, vanished, and the house where he lives, the house where he took me that night of drunkenness and where I sheltered myself from a storm and where so many unbelievable things happened, is no longer there. There is this dark, big, menacing thing instead in the place where the house should have been, and I don't know what it is or what any of this means, but I know it's bad; it has to be bad because he's not here, and all of them are struggling to break down that thing and getting desperate because they're failing, even Sakura; and God, why is Sakura here? I can barely believe what my eyes are telling me, but it's true, she's really here, so close, so quickly, and Kero-chan and Li-kun and Yue-san and Touya-san are here too; they're all here, and they're all trying to help, and Sakura is doing everything she can; she calls the cards one by one, but she fails too; she can't really do anything, and some strangely lucid part of my mind notices that she doesn't have an adequate outfit for this, and I don't have a camera on me. But no, this won't be like that; it won't ever be like that again, ever, because now shit has gotten real; this is the end, and he's really going to die, and I'm so scared I can't even move or speak. And then I see her calling her Sword, and she charges against that thing, and I try to yell no, please, Sakura-chan, don't! But no words come out of my mouth, and I just watch in horror as I watch her collide with that black barrier and be violently pushed back. I watch Sakura fall to the ground, and she looks hurt, and God, what if she's dead? And everyone looks so scared; they all run towards her, and they're so desperate they don't even see me; they don't even realize I'm here seeing the whole thing, just like so many times before, just like always, always, and...

Why would they see me?

But then, inexplicably... one of them does. The one who looks the most battered of them all, and things reach a new level of eeriness when our eyes meet for a moment, and then, suddenly and out of the blue, the creature breaks out in tears, and the next thing I know is that I'm being squeezed in the arms of a big, imposing, red-haired creature with dark butterfly wings who hugs me and clings to me as if I were the last bastion on Earth, and sobs against my hair, and whom I couldn't have gotten rid of, even if I wanted. And it gets even weirder when I realize that the last time I saw this creature, I mean in this form, was seven years ago, and it was threatening my best friend and my world and all that I believed in.

Yes... life is weird like that.

"Tomoyo!" the creature keeps saying as she hugs me with tears in her eyes. "You came! You came! You… found it!"

The dress, I realize she means the dress, that dress I'm still wearing and that somehow has something to do, even though I can't quite explain it, with my memories coming back to me, and me being back here, in this place and in this strange world that calls me, but doesn't really open a door for me to walk in.

Or does it?

…

"I'm sorry... I didn't recognize you when you came for me earlier, Nakuru-chan," I say, still startled and shaken by the over-emotional welcome she gave me.

She smiles a little and shakes her head, wiping away her tears, and finally releases me. Then, I look at the rest. They don't seem to be holding up any better. I approach them, as they help Sakura on her feet again. She has dirt on her clothes and looks injured and bruised; her face seems really pained, but it lightens up a bit when she finally sees me.

"Tomoyo… chan?" she mutters, surprised. Then they all look up and notice I'm here. Suddenly, it's a bit awkward to have these many eyes staring at me in astonishment.

"Sakura-chan…" I say, trying to hide my concern as I step closer to her. "You're bleeding."

"Don't worry... it's not too bad," she says, a tiny smile showing on her face. "I'm just a bit shaken and bruised because of the fall… but I'll be okay. I just need to rest for a moment… and then I'll keep trying."

But as she crouches down to grab her Sword again, which seems somewhat weighty, she frowns and yells and drops it again, grabbing her shoulder.

"My shoulder... hurts a little," she says, trying to force a smile. "But I'm sure it's nothing serious."

And then, I can't help it. My eyes just fill up with tears, and before I can even think of what I'm doing, I throw myself at her and hug her.

"Tomoyo-chan…?" she mutters, startled.

"Thank you!" I say. "Thank you so much for coming back, and for trying to help him! But please… don't do things like that again! If I lose you too...!"

…

"This is what they do… to those who are like me?" The small figure repeats, the childish voice sounding shaky, as if in utter shock. "But… I'm not a demon. She said so... she said… I have a gift."

The hooded, tall figure looks back at him, with a somewhat grim expression.

"Yes... you do. You've got power… and they don't. That makes you a demon in their eyes. They won't forgive you for what you are. They won't help you. For them, it's just easier, and safer… to do this."

The boy looks down at the smoky rubble, and the retorted, ashen bulge that used to be a human body, and then up again, at the tall, dark figure that stands beside him, with a pained look in his eyes.

"That village over there…" the hooded figure continues. "They're not your people. They don't welcome you. They don't want you, and they would kill you if they could. To them, you're not a child. You're not a person. You're a monster, an abomination that needs to be slain. All the villages are like this. Nobody wants a demon living among them. They will not stop until you're dead. You're an outcast, now and forever. You need to understand that."

The boy stands there in silence, his turquoise-blue eyes tearful and wide open, as if he still couldn't quite process what he's hearing.

"But… mother said…"

"Your mother was a fool," the hooded person says harshly. "What did she promise you? To move elsewhere? To start over? And then what? When everybody finds out about you again, what? To flee again? To keep running away for the rest of your life?" The words are spit from the ashen lips as if in sheer disgust. "You're a fool too if you believe you could ever live among them. You can't. They won't let you. But you shouldn't have to run... not from them. They're weak, they're... nothing. If anything, they should be the ones running away from you."

"W-what?" the boy asks, wiping away tears, his voice barely a whisper. "What... are you saying?"

"I'm saying your time for being weak has ended. This is a ruthless world, and there are only two paths to follow: to hunt… or to be hunted. Your mother chose wrong, and you see where it got her. Now, you have to choose your own. You can keep hiding forever and live miserably, with death always at your back… or you can embrace the demon that you are, and rise above those who did this to you."

The boy looks up at the tall figure, his tearful eyes widening.

"W-what? But… how? How can I possibly do that?"

A faint, cold smile appears on the tall, hooded figure's face.

"I'll teach you."

…

"So, this thing, this… barrier… was set by him?" I say, staring at the imposing, giant black dome in front of us. "It looks terrifying."

"Yes. It feels terrifying, too. It emanates a dark, frightening energy. Evil. Dangerous. Sakura, please, don't get near it again," Kerberos says, staring at her with concerned eyes.

"Evil…?" I whisper. "Is that how it feels like? I can't sense it… like you do."

"Well…" Sakura says, a bit confused. "Yes. That's how it feels like. But, don't worry, I'm sure it's not… Eriol's evil. Eriol is not…"

"It is Eriol's evil, Sakura," Spinel says, bluntly. "You, of all people, must know that. His powers come from darkness. You remember what your chant was, when you were using his key to invoke your staff, and the cards were still Clow Cards?"

"The key that holds the power of darkness…" she mutters, startled.

"Exactly," Spinel says. "But now that the cards are yours, and you use them with your own power, your chant has changed... hasn't it?"

"The key that holds the power of the stars…" she says.

"Do you understand now?"

She nods, looking pale.

"But…" I say, aware of Sakura's disconcert and with a dreadful feeling growing in my own chest. "You said the barrier… I mean, the kekkai, was created by his heart… in a wish to protect something. So… even if there's darkness in him… it can't be all dark, right? He's not… all dark. I know it."

"No one is all dark, or all light," Spinel says, gravely, and suddenly all eyes are set on him, and they look surprised and horrified. "Light and dark, goodness and evil coexist in every person's heart. It's an inner battle that every human being knows... But, since he knows his power comes from darkness… and he wanted to be at his most powerful for this… it's possible that he has done something… extreme… to dispose of the goodness in his heart."

"What…?" Nakuru asks, horrified. "Suppy-chan… what are you talking about? That's not true! Eriol would never do such a thing!"

"He would," Spinel replies, gloomily, "if there was no other way to get what he wanted. He told me once… well, it doesn't matter now. But… I'm afraid that's what he has done."

"What… turning evil? That's ridiculous! I refuse to believe that!" Nakuru yells, stubbornly.

"Idiot!" Spinel yells, losing his temper. "Aren't you feeling the dreadful aura of this barrier? Can you feel Eriol at all, the Eriol we know, in there? I tell you, he's done something, damn it! When you threw your temper tantrum earlier and left me alone after he released us, I came back home and searched through his stuff in the study, trying to find out what he was up to… and I realized there was one book missing. A very old book, a terrible book, a compendium of the most horrifying spells that exist. A book he shouldn't even have. A book with spells so forbidden that they can only be used by the darkest mages with the darkest souls. And I saw it. When he found me, and created that… thing, and cast me outside… he had the book with him. I'm not lying. Whatever he's doing tonight, it's horrible, and to be done it would require destroying his soul and who he is, forever."

A chill runs through my entire body as suddenly I remember that time I was in the study with him, and lightheartedly grabbed that book from one of the shelves. The one with the creepy etchings.

"You look really pretty like that, holding so casually one of the most horrifying black magic tomes in existence. But I'm sure you won't look so carefree when you pass a few more pages and see the picture of the eviscerated goat."

I had dropped the book and he laughed at my reaction, and at the moment that was it. But now it felt… horribly grim and foreshadowing that that book they were talking about, the one that could destroy his soul and everything he was if he used it... could have been that one I held in my hands once.

"Spinel-san…" I mutter, trying to keep my mind cool enough to think, because I had no magic powers and no magic knowledge, but thinking was one of the few things I could actually do well... sometimes even better than most people. "What spells are in that book?"

"I'm not sure exactly what spells are in it, because I've never read it… but… it has to be necromancy spells, obviously."

"Necromancy," I say. "And that is…"

"The darkest kind of magic," Yue says, frowning. "The art of playing with life and death forces. It can go from summoning the spirits of the dead for divination purposes… which is quite awful and usually has pretty bad consequences, but can be easily done by most magic practitioners… to more horrible and sophisticated things, like… raising the dead… draining the life out of the living… and in the worst, darkest kinds of necromancy… even consuming people's souls to manipulate their wills... leaving them like empty shells".

"And you're saying that Eriol is doing one of those things… as we speak," I mutter, trying to process what I've just heard and keep my mind cool, even though the dreadful feeling in my chest is just growing and growing with every moment that passes.

"Unfortunately… yes," Spinel says, looking beaten and disheartened. "And whatever it is, it's going to be done soon, unless we find a way to rip a hole through that damned thing and get to him... but so far we couldn't even affect it at all."

"That's because we haven't tried hard enough!" Sakura said, trying to sound optimistic. "If we try again, with all our powers combined, surely we'll be able to rip a hole through it... and then we'll go inside and save Eriol before he…"

"You think that... will work?" I ask, staring at Spinel.

"It has to," Sakura insists. "It's the only thing we haven't tried yet."

Spinel stays silent, looking serious and somber.

"Spinel-san…?" I ask him softly. "Why would Eriol do one of those things Yue said?"

"I don't know," he replies. "But he is. He has already started. To create such a barrier… so incredibly powerful, and bone-chilling evil, he has to have done something… invoked all the darkness inside his heart, and more… He has to have called upon himself all the darkness from all his previous lives, too, and somehow dispose of or put to sleep whatever goodness he has in his heart. To create something this powerful, he needs to be willing to harm, and to kill... even people he loves. Even people who love him."

"But… it doesn't make sense," I say. "Why would he do such a thing? What does he want to accomplish?"

Spinel looks at me, a little baffled by my insistent questioning.

"Does it matter?" Nakuru says, impatient. "We have little time, and we still need to find a way across that thing! I'm with Sakura here, we need to talk less and do more! Let's try with our combined powers, shall we? Just… try not to kill him, please!"

"Spinel-san. Please. Help me understand," I say, not paying attention to Nakuru and looking directly at the giant panther creature before me. "This isn't like Eriol… none of this is. If you wanted me to come here, you must think I can help somehow. But how am I going to help, if I don't even understand what's going on? Clearly, I can't do what you people do. So... why did you want me here?"

The big black panther stares at me for a moment in silence, and suddenly I see what might be a tiny gleam of hope in his eyes as he finally replies to me.

"Because I think… he's trying to twist his fate somehow. And I think it has something to do with you."

"His… fate?"

"Death," he continues. "His fate was to die in this lifetime, here, in Japan. For good. Apparently, it was all planned by Clow Reed a long time ago. And he was okay with it. He accepted it. He came to Japan to make it happen. But then, he seemed to change his mind about something. I don't know exactly what; it's not the end... because he's still going to die. But apparently, he wants to die… differently than what was planned. He wants to die for something worth dying for… those were his exact words. And this change in him happened after he met you. So, you must have something to do with it. Am I wrong?"

By now, everybody is staring at me, eyes wide-open, and I just stare at him, petrified and speechless, as his words hit me one by one.

Is this whole thing my fault?

Can I possibly tell them that he found out I was the one supposed to kill him, that I was supposed to be his goddess of death, and that he wanted to do anything he could, horrible or twisted as it could be, to spare me from such a destiny?

Suddenly, I become very aware of the folded paper hidden in my bra and the words written on it. A shiver runs through my body.

"No," I finally say. "You're not wrong. I don't really understand most of it, but… yes. This could be happening because of me."

"But, how do you know that?" Nakuru says, still looking at me in puzzlement.

"Because of this," I say, taking the piece of paper out of my bra. "He wrote a wish today, in the park, as a Tanabata wish. As his last wish. I was with him when he wrote it."

"You were… with him? Today, in the park? But... when?" Nakuru asks, her perplexity increasing.

"After I got off the stage. I didn't know who he was at the time, because he had wiped my memories, but yes… I bumped into him. I talked to him, and I told him to make a wish for the magic tree… and he wrote this. He didn't want to show me what he wrote, but after I regained my memories a short while ago, I went back to the park and looked for this paper. This... is what he wrote." I say, opening the paper and showing it to them. They all stare at it in astonishment, and for a moment, nobody dares say a word.

"Do you have any idea... of what he's trying to do in there?" Spinel finally says. "Did he say anything… give you any clue?"

"All I know is... there was a door, a hidden door, inside the house. I don't know what is behind it… but apparently, I was supposed to open it. It had something to do with his fate. But he didn't want me to do it. He said it was dangerous for me, and he would do anything to prevent it from happening. He also said that if I hadn't met him, I wouldn't be at risk. He wiped my memories then, I'm guessing to protect me. But they came back to me tonight... and I still don't know why or how."

"How do you know about this door?" he asks. "Did you see it? Where is it?"

"I... don't know where it is. I saw it in a dream," I say. "There was also a woman there, in the dream. She had long, black hair… kind of like mine, but her eyes were red, and they looked almost… catlike. He said she was a witch. She told me to walk through that door."

There. I've told them everything. Well, everything I could tell. I can't… I don't know why, but for some reason, as much as I try to, as much as I know it's important… I just can't say out loud the part about the dagger, and how I used it to kill Eriol, even if it was against my own will.

"Yuuko-san," Yue says, suddenly startled. "Oh, for God's sake. Just what we need to make things worse. Yuuko-san involved."

"You know her?" I ask.

"Yes," he says gravely. "From Clow's lifetime. She was his… accomplice, for lack of a better word. They planned things together. Big things. Terrible things... some of them."

"So, you think she might be helping him now?"

"No. She can't be. She's dead. Most of what happened afterwards... the Collapse, Clow's own death… were consequences of her death. Tragic, tragic consequences."

"Necromancy," Li-kun interrupts. "He's doing necromancy. What if he's trying to bring her back? Maybe he still needs something from her. Was she a powerful witch?"

"Very powerful. But I don't think that's it. He could have done the same thing in his life as Clow Reed, but he didn't. He must have known it was not worth it... resurrecting her. You see, the thing with bringing back the dead, and the reason why it's so forbidden… is that they don't come back right. They don't come back… whole. It's a fate worse than death. He wouldn't do that to her."

"Why not?" Li-kun insists. "For all I know, Clow Reed wasn't exactly the scrupulous type."

"No, he wasn't. But he did love her."

"But that's ancient history, right? Doesn't he love Daidouji now? "Am I missing something here?" he asks.

Suddenly, stupidly (considering the seriousness of the situation), I feel my cheeks turn red and burn, and my chest hurts even more.

"Still. He wouldn't do that. Not to Yuuko-san," Yue says bluntly. "It must be something else."

"Divination, then?" Sakura timidly says. "Maybe he just wants to talk to her? To ask her for advice about how to stop Tomoyo-chan from opening that door?"

"There's no reason to raise a powerful kekkai like this just to play Ouija, Sakura-chan," Yue says. "Nor is there any need to use a book of forbidden magic for it. Necromantic divination is a dark art, but a minor one; any dark sorcerer is capable of doing it. Let alone Clow Reed's reincarnation."

"Eriol," I suddenly say, staring into Yue's amethyst eyes.

"What?"

"Please, stop calling him Clow Reed's reincarnation. He has his own name. It's Eriol," I say, trying to keep my voice gentle.

"Oh, come on, people!" Nakuru suddenly yells, losing her temper. "Are we going to have tea now and keep discussing things politely among ourselves, or are we actually going to help him? Look, I couldn't care less about Tomoyo's mysterious door, and I certainly don't give a rat's ass about any of this necromancy crap! Frankly, I don't give a shit if he's trying to raise a fucking army of zombies in there! All I care about is that he's going to die, and instead of working together to have a remote shot at stopping him, we keep chatting about nonsense! Let's do something already!"

"She kind of has a point… we're running out of time," Sakura says softly, staring at Spinel. He looks at me, then back at her, and nods.

"Is there anything I can do to help? Please, if there's anything… tell me," I say to him.

"Maybe, if we manage to make a hole in this thing and reach him…" he says.

"And if you don't?"

The big panther creature just looks at me and shakes its head, as if it expected me to know the answer to that question, to come up with some clever, unexpected solution. But I don't have one. I mean, if six powerful, magical beings combining their powers together cannot do anything, what could I possibly…?

They start attacking the barrier then. At first, they do it cautiously, holding back a little, but soon they realize it's going to take a lot more energy to even make a tiny rip into that monstrous thing, and they start attacking it with all they've got.

And I look at them, blinking, almost speechless. Even though they look almost drained, at the brink of their strengths, Sakura, Li, and everyone else are still fighting, giving their best effort, while I'm just standing here, petrified, unable to do anything but watch.

Like always.

I suddenly feel like it's seven years ago, and I'm back to being a helpless, powerless spectator while my magically empowered friends do the feats, do the things that matter. And I can't even hide behind my camera like I used to, I can't go back to being that glorified documentarian anymore, because what's happening right now, right in front of my nose is just too damn real, and there's no trinket in the world that could protect me from it, or stop the painful truth from slapping me in the face.

He's doing this because of me. He's willing to do something so dark and dreadful that it could destroy his entire soul, just to twist fate a little and save me from a horrible destiny. And all I can do is stand here, stupidly, powerless; unable to do anything to stop him or save him. Just staring at it like an idiot, and pointlessly wondering.

What on Earth is he trying to do in there? And why does he need to conjure his darkness from previous lives, in order to do it?

It just… doesn't make any sense.

…

"I... don't want this. I don't want to be hunted... but I don't want to be a demon, either. I... I just want to be normal," the childish figure sobs.

The tall figure stares back, starkly.

"You are what you are, boy. Fight it, and it will destroy you. Embrace it, and it will make you powerful. If you keep crying, I'll leave you here for them to hunt you down. You'll be dead by morning, and your powers will die with you. You won't be a demon anymore, but you won't be a boy either. You will be a corpse. Is that what you want?"

"N-no."

"So… you're scared of them?"

"Y-yes."

"Good. Fear is good… at first. Fear is good soil for hate… and hate is good soil for power. If you stay with me, you'll become strong. I won't have weaklings by my side. You'll become ruthless, even more than those who hurt you and killed your mother and burned your home. Then, you won't have to run from them. They'll run from you. This world will never accept what you are, will never embrace you. But you can learn to bend it to your will, and make it fear you. Teach them what happens to those who cross the powerful demon. Then, no one will ever dare hurt you again."

"I... don't think I can."

"Yes, you can. It's in you. I know you feel it, even now. In your chest. In your hands. Underneath the pain and the fear. It's there. The hate... the fire... the force to crush the ones who did this to you... to her. Look at it, boy. There lies in the ashes the only person who's ever loved you, and the only home you'll ever have. Both gone, forever... because you were too weak to defend them. It's too late for tears now... but not for vengeance. You owe it to her, and you have the power and the wish to do it. The question is... will you let it out? Or will you keep it all inside and let it consume you?"

"I... I'll make them pay," the boy finally says, his voice wavering, his fists suddenly tightening. "I will never, ever be weak again. I will punish those who hurt me... and those who did this... I'll make them burn. Their houses… their families… everything they have, I'll destroy. Like they did with mine."

The tall figure smiles broadly for the first time. But the smile is still cold.

"There. Remember that feeling, that rage. Rage will make you stronger. Hatred will make you fearsome. Your power comes from darkness, boy. Don't fight it. Accept it. Embrace it. You are a demon. It's who you are, it's what makes you better than them… Stay with me, and I'll teach you to harness that power and become something bigger, greater than a demon. Something not even death will dare to trifle with."

"I... don't understand."

The hooded character laughs softly.

"Don't worry. You don't have to understand everything yet. Just know that you're mine now... and that I'll help you become everything you're destined to be."

"But why... why will you help me? Who are you?"

"Haven't you realized it yet? I'm like you... I'm a demon too."

…

"It sucks… doesn't it?" Suddenly, a voice sounds at my side, and when I see who is it, I realize I'm not the only one feeling helpless here. "To just stand and watch... to not be able to do anything. To be so… powerless. I'm still not getting used to it."

It's Sakura's brother.

"You used to have powers too… didn't you?" I say, looking at him.

"Very minor ones. But, yes."

"But you gave them up… to save Tsukirishou-kun's life."

"That's right," he says.

"Do you miss it?" I ask him. "To have those powers… to be… special?"

"Sometimes," he answers, and I appreciate his honesty. "But… I never regretted it. If I had to, I'd give them to him all over again. It's just... worth it."

And as I hear him, something flashes through my mind.

"How did you do it?" I ask him.

"What?"

"When you gave him your powers… how did that work?"

"I… I'm not sure," he says, looking confused. "I think I just wished for it… and it happened. I wanted to give him my powers to save his life, like I'd never wanted anything before... and that's all it took for it to happen. I willed them away, and he took them. I would have given him my life if that was what he needed. But that wasn't necessary. Just… my powers."

A hint, an idea, a connection I hadn't made before is starting to appear.

Magic… isn't a motionless, static quality people owned in different amounts. It doesn't belong to its owner; it seems more like a flow, which the magical user can control using his or her will. It can be passed between people, or through people, even non-magical people; like the time I touched Eriol's hand and his magic passed through me, accidentally, into the tree's bark. It can be traded or given away, like Clow did with the cards and Touya did with Yue. Done properly, it can even save a life. And what controls that flow and makes it behave in such ways?

Will.

Pure, sheer will.

Oh my God.

"Please, stop!" I yell at Sakura and the others who are still attacking the kekkai. "Please, listen to me! You have to stop! What you're doing… is not going to work!"

They stop suddenly, startled, and stare at me with disconcerted eyes.

"We have to keep trying," Sakura says. "This kekkai can't be as powerful as the whole bunch of us combined. We have to keep trying… harder. With all we have. Then, maybe..."

"No," I say, although I'm not sure why I'm so certain about this. "You're looking at this all wrong. You're trying to beat this barrier with sheer power… but this is not about power. It doesn't matter how much you throw at it… you won't make a scratch on it, because this barrier is not sustained by magic. Yue-san said it's sustained by his heart, his will to protect something. And his will is strong. Stronger than all of yours combined."

"Maybe she's right," Yue says, crestfallen. "We've used all our powers, and yet, we have accomplished nothing. It even feels like the kekkai has grown stronger… absorbed everything we threw at it."

"But then, what do you suggest we do?" Nakuru says. "Give up on him? Let him raise the zombies and whatnot, and then get himself killed?"

"He's not raising zombies, Nakuru."

"Of course he's not raising fucking zombies! I was speaking figuratively, you know!" she says, utterly annoyed, and I can almost swear that, despite the seriousness of the situation, somebody let out a tiny chuckle.

"Even so… I think Nakuru is not so far off. Listen, I was thinking… what if…" I dare to say, timidly, as the terrible idea starts to take shape in my head, "instead of trying to bring someone back from the dead… he's trying to bring them back... from the verge of death?"

"From the verge of death? You mean, someone who is still alive?" Spinel asks. "But, who would that be?"

I look at them, and I feel something tighten inside my chest as I speak.

"I think, maybe… it could be my mother," I say with a hint of voice.

Suddenly, Sakura's face turns pale in understanding, and she takes a hand to her mouth.

"Oh my God," she whispers. But the others look at me in confusion.

"What?" Nakuru says. "What does she have to do with anything?"

"She's… really sick," I continue. "She's slipping away day after day. She's going to die soon, and the doctors can't do anything about it. They told me yesterday. What if he somehow knew about it? What if he's trying to save her, for my sake?"

"Yesterday…" Spinel says, reflectively. "He went for a walk, and came back… strange. As if something significant had happened... something that deeply affected him. He went to the piano and didn't stop playing until today… right before we went to the festival. Well, yes, that could make some sense. He could have followed you... seen you when they gave you the news. He has this nasty habit of spying on people. Maybe it was then when he decided to do… whatever he's doing."

"But it still doesn't make sense!" Nakuru interrupts. "Her mother is still alive! That wouldn't be necromancy; that would be healing the sick! And that's a power he doesn't have!"

"Clow didn't have it either," Kerberos confirms. "And it bugged him to no end. He believed it was because healing is the whitest, holiest kind of magic, and his powers came from a dark place."

As I hear them, more and more of it comes together, like pieces of a puzzle falling into their right places. And my heart clenches even more.

"But, what if he's not exactly... trying to heal her?" I say.

"What do you mean? You just said...!" Nakuru retorts.

"I know what I said. Spinel-san, about those necromantic spells... I was just thinking..." I continue, "If he wanted to save someone who is sick, but couldn't heal them... would that really stop him? You know him better than anyone... Would he just accept it as an inevitability, or would he be stubborn and try to find a way around it?"

"Stubborn is a mild word to describe him. Yes, he would try to find another way. But there is no other way. Necromancy is not... I mean... it doesn't make sense. What necromancy does is exactly the opposite of…" suddenly, he stops, and his eyes open very big. "Oh dear God."

"What?" Nakuru asks.

"You never know when you might need to use the darkest magic, or for what reasons. But you might still need to. It would be stupid to not consider that possibility."

"What? What on Earth are you blabbering about?" Nakuru yells.

"Those were his words. Yue, the drain life spell... you think he could be trying to...?"

"I... I think he could be," Yue says, blinking and looking quite stunned.

"But that's not possible! It can't be done! Can it?"

"Wait a second!" Nakuru yells. "Will you care to explain for all who aren't bookworms here?"

"Drain life spells leech life forces out of other living things, and give them to the caster," Yue says. "They can be used for self-healing, restoring youth, and prolonging life. They can even bring the caster back from the verge of death. But they kill the target in the process. Life... must be paid for with life. That's why that kind of magic has been banished and forbidden all over history. Because it's blood magic. It requires a sacrifice to work."

"A sacrifice...?" Nakuru interrupts. "You mean he's going to kill something, like a goat or...?"

Yue stares gravely at her.

"No... not a goat."

We all remain silent for a second. I feel myself turning pale.

"Wait... you mean..." Nakuru says, horrified.

Yue nods, somberly.

"He's the sacrifice. To restore a human life from the verge of death... you must pay with another human life. The exchange must be equivalent. If this girl is right... he might be trying to do it backwards. Drain the life out of himself and give it to someone else."

They all look at me, and suddenly cold logic gives way to a much colder, even more terrifying thought.

"But... is that even possible?"

"I've never heard of anything like it, but… who knows? He's Clow's reincarnation, after all. Do we really know what he's capable of?"

"But it means twisting the rules of magic! That's insanely risky! Even if he succeeds, which is unlikely, who knows what the consequences could be? It can so easily backfire! Would he really risk doing something so unbelievably reckless just to save this girl's mother?"

"He said he wanted to die for something worth dying for," Spinel says, his eyes looking blank for a second, as if he was talking to himself, like in some kind of trance. But then he looks up at us, and he seems really worn and tired. "Yes. He would."

The silence that follows is dreadful.

"Then, we have to stop him," I say, my lips trembling as the horror of the situation slowly bashes over me. "Now."

"But… how?" Nakuru says. "We can't reach him! We can't get past this damn kekkai! We've tried everything, and we couldn't even scratch it! We've joined forces, we're almost out of strength, and yet we have accomplished nothing! He's still in there, and we're still here!"

And then, as I listen to what she says, I realize I know what to do.

I look up at her.

"No... we haven't tried everything."

And then, like moved by an obscure but powerful conviction, I head towards the kekkai.

They just look at me, puzzled; only Sakura realizes my intent, and before I can give more than two steps she's in front of me, grabbing me by the arm and looking at me with horror-filled eyes.

"What do you think you're doing?" she yells.

"The only thing we haven't tried. He's in there… and we're here. So... I'm going there."

"Are you fucking out of your mind?" she screams, shaking me, and I think it's the first time I've ever heard Sakura swear. "Didn't you see what that thing did to me? And you have no powers! It will burn you alive!"

"She's right," Yue says. "Nothing can get past Clow's kekkai if he doesn't want it to. Look," he says, and then he grabs a piece of rock from the ground, and throws it forcefully against the barrier. The moment the rock hits the surface, there's a spark and a glow on it. The rock bounces against it, and gets thrown away. Once it hits the ground, I realize it's turned black, and smoke is coming from it.

"See?" he says. "It's impossible. If anyone goes through it, they would end up seriously injured, lose consciousness… or worse. Tomoyo… don't take this the wrong way, but… you're the weakest one here. If you go against that thing, you'll die. You can't possibly survive that impact."

I look up at the impressive, gigantic, threatening black barrier; and I can't help but feel terrified by it. But, no… I can't let that stop me. I know I'm right about this. I feel it. I remember when I touched his hand in the park, and it shone with magic. I remember how the magic felt as it passed through me and his name appeared on the tree bark, underneath my fingers, engraved on it.

They haven't felt it, so, they can't understand it.

It wasn't evil. It wasn't dark, nor destructive.

It felt just… like him. Warm, and ticklish, and kind of wild somehow, kind of unruly, and boisterous… but good.

"You're wrong," I say, my heart pounding violently inside my chest. "I told you... this isn't about strength. It's not about power, and who has more, or who has less. It's about will. You can't beat his kekkai… because his will is stronger than yours."

"And you think you can beat it?"

"I'm not going to try to beat it. I'm the reason it exists. The kekkai... comes from Eriol's heart, right? It's held up by his deepest desire. So, if what he wrote in this paper is true… it will never hurt me."

"No! Tomoyo, you won't!" Sakura yells desperately, her fingers digging into my arm until it hurts. "It's too dangerous! I won't let you!"

"Sakura… let go," I say with a calm, yet firm voice, staring seriously into her eyes. "You told me once that I should go to him… that he needed me. Remember? At the airport. You were right. I have to go to him now. He's going to die because of me, or maybe something even worse. I... can't let that happen."

"But…!"

"Sakura… this isn't your choice."

For a moment she seems startled and confused; I see her opening her mouth to protest, but then I gently push her hand away from my arm, and try to reassure her with a tiny smile as I place a hand over her shoulder.

"Please, trust me... I know I'm right about this. Remember your magic words?"

She stares back at me, her eyes open wide; but then she nods, hesitantly, as her fingers loosen their grip on my arm, releasing it. Which is good, because I don't want her to notice how it's shaking, how my whole body is shaking, and how my heart is dashing like a runaway horse.

Because the truth is, I don't feel nearly as calm and confident as I sound. But I have to look like I am, convince myself and everyone else that I am, if I'm going to do this.

And I have to do it. There really is no other way.

Don't think. Just hold your breath and jump, Daidouji. Like on a diving board.

So, before anyone else breaks out of their shock and tries to stop me, I hold my breath, I look at the dark, thick barrier of black smoke, and I walk towards it.

I hear screams and gasps behind my back, but I don't stop. I just keep walking. I almost can't feel my arms and legs from the nerves, but I don't stop. There's a cold sweat breaking all over my skin, but I don't stop; I'm almost there, and my heart beats like crazy inside my chest and the black barrier in front of me is all I can see. It's huge and it's terrifying and I'm there, almost touching it; and I close my eyes and fists tightly, but I don't stop. I keep walking, expecting a terrible, painful collision any moment now, and all I can think of is please, please, please, let me in, and I feel a tingling on my skin, which quickly grows stronger and painful, like electricity running through my body, as hot as fire; and for a moment it feels as if my very skin was being scorched and peeled from my bones, but I don't stop, and I hear them screaming and I suddenly feel a terrible, searing cold, as if I had just dived into a frozen lake. My breath stops in my chest and there is no pain anymore, only weakness and a feeling of losing my senses, as if my body was dissolving into water, disappearing, ceasing to exist, and then…

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

…

Yes. There is something.

Pain.

I notice I can't hear their screams anymore. Actually, I can't hear anything at all, and I can't see anything either, not even myself. All is black around me.

Did I just die?

No. I'm breathing again, which means I still have a body; and as my senses come back to me I realize I'm lying on something hard and cold. The ground is covered in rocks, and my hands, knees and face are sore because I fell on them... but I'm not dead, and my skin is not burned. No, I'm in some strange place but I'm alive, which means… I've made it.

I'm inside the kekkai. He let me in, or at least, he didn't stop me.

Does this mean he wants me here? Does he even know I am here at all?

I look around, but I can't see anything. It's terrifying. It's the utmost, most engulfing darkness I've ever seen, so deep it seems unnatural, like being lost in a huge, giant void; and I can't even see my own hands. But, as I touch the gravel I fell upon and grab some of it in my hands, I realize that, despite the complete absence of light, I'm in a real place, a place I know. I'm almost sure it's the path that leads to his house, from the gate to the front door, which means... I'm in the house grounds.

With some difficulty I get on my feet, and reaching out with my hands like a blind person, I start walking. My steps are hesitant and slow; since I can't see anything, I can only guess which way the front door actually is, and my legs feel weak and my whole body is still trembling a little. Suddenly, I remember those dreams where I was walking through an endless corridor to an unknown, undisclosed destination, and I feel almost like that all over again.

But no, it's not exactly like that, because in those dreams I didn't know who I was, nor where I was going. And now, I can't think of anything else.

I'm me. Just me, non-magic, common, unremarkable Tomoyo. The one who's little more than a glorified documentarian; and yet, for some reason beyond anyone's comprehension, the one who's here, where no one else could reach... and the one on whom everything depends now.

As the realization of it really hits me, my eyes grow wider, and I feel a little panic attack burst inside me.

I'm alone. I don't have Sakura by my side, I don't have anyone by my side. None of my magically enhanced friends are here to help. From now on, it's all up to me. For the first time ever, I'm not a witness, I'm not the one who stands back and watches from the shadows; I'm the one who's supposed to walk into danger and make things happen, the one who's supposed to save the day.

Oh my God.

How am I ever going to do this?

Once more, I feel as lost and scared as one of those characters from my beloved childhood books; the normal, unremarkable kids who by some strange twist of fortune get suddenly dragged into a fantasy world, a world they don't really understand, but where they are expected to perform feats in.

But then, I remember something. That winter night a few months ago. That magical night in which, despite being surrounded by strange occurrences and fairy-like events, I felt like I was in a world I actually belonged to. Some words he said to me that night, under the light of street lamps, just before we kissed.

Why don't you stop hiding? Get in the spotlight. It really suits you.

I feel a small tear forming in the corner of my eye. He always had so much faith in me, and yet I seem to have none myself... Why? Why can't I be the one who saves him? Why shouldn't I be the heroine... even if only this once?

I can. I should. And even if I don't entirely believe it, it doesn't really matter anyway.

I don't have a choice. I'm the only one here, so, I have to do this, or else… he dies.

It's rather simple, really.

I can't screw this up.

…

As I walk blindly through the gravel with hesitant steps, I infer I'm getting closer to the main door. The dark mist around me gets slightly thinner as I move closer to it, and soon I start seeing a light; which I assume must be the porch light.

Now I just hope that is his front door, and not something else. But then, I stumble upon the first step of the small porch. When I look up, the mist has cleared enough to let me blurringly see the columns, the two-step stair, the door… and also a tall, human figure who is standing in front of it holding a sword in its hand.

A voice, cold as ice, comes from that figure, and I feel shocked when I hear it's a female voice.

"Stop," it says in a threatening tone. "You can't go any further."

Oh God. It's the witch. It's the freaking witch!

Befuddled, I take another hesitant, shy step, and I'm on the porch, on the same level that this woman is. The mist clears a little more, and I can see the long dress, the long hair, and as she steps forward and gets underneath the doorway lamp, I finally see her face, her features, and the serious, resolute look in her eyes as she points the sword at me.

And then... I realize I know her, and I almost can't believe what I'm seeing.

Because it's not the witch. It's almost even worse.

It's...

"Mizuki… sensei?"

…

---

Author's notes:

I'm back, bitches!

(Never mind that... it's just something I've always wanted to say) :p

Not much else to say this time. I could give you the old routine of "I'm sorry it took me so long to upload this, this chapter was really hard to write, I'm so busy and have so little time...", but you already know all that whiny yadda yadda, so I'm not boring you with it again.

Although, I do keep wondering how many of you are still reading. If you're there, and you still like my story, please drop me a line! It would make me very happy. :)

Well... we're kind of entering the final curve here. I was planning this fic to have about 10, worst case scenario 11 chapters like the previous one... So maybe in a few years it'll be done (I'm not trying to fool anyone anymore with promises of short-timed deliveries... I mean, they can happen, but knowing me, they most likely won't). What I can still assure people is that I'm not dropping this story. I'm slow like a turtle but I will finish it no matter what, and I really hope at least some of you are patient enough to stay with me until its end.

Well, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I look forward to your comments and to see you again in the next one! Thank you for reading!

(P.S.: Oh, just so you know, I took the concept of the kekkai from another Clamp's work, X. Although I twisted it a little bit. Being all Clamp's works part of the same multiverse, and being Clow Reed the most powerful being in the entire thing, it makes sense that he would have such power, or his own version of it.)

~ Nessa ~