Notes: While there's always a possible trigger warning with Kalin in his depressive states, he gets even darker in this segment, so I leave a warning for that. Kalin maybe not eating and what might result from that was discussed with XenoEmblem4TW. I don't recall if we both had the thought or if it was hers. Radley having a dark coat too is inspired by the doujinshi God of Reborn Death.

A World Full of Hate and of Vanity

Kalin had never been fond of Valentine's Day. He had mocked it in the Enforcers, and they could always count on him being grumpy that day. Maybe it was because devoting a holiday to celebrating romance seemed laughable at best when his parents had not stayed together. Maybe it was that Kalin just wasn't a mushy person and the day was useless to him.

Maybe it was all of that and more. In any case, when Kalin awoke the day after the snowstorm and realized it was the 14th, he scowled. Then, as he woke up more, he discovered he was laying under a soft, velvety, furry throw.

He stared at it in surprise. He hadn't covered himself with anything before laying down on Radley's couch and finally drifting off to sleep. And yet here he was, and here it was.

He petted it with one hand. There had never been anything so fine in the slums of the Satellite. He was most certainly undeserving of such a treasure, even as a loan.

The door quietly opened and Radley peeked inside. Seeing Kalin awake, he smiled. "Good morning," he greeted.

Kalin grunted. "Did you put this on me?"

Radley gave him an amused look. "Well, it didn't get there all by itself!"

Kalin sat up, his long blue locks falling around his shoulders. "It's wasted on me."

Radley came in and pulled up the blind, revealing the world of white outside the window. "Whether you wanna accept it or not, you can get cold too. You were shivering in your sleep when I came up to check on you."

". . . I don't remember that." Kalin got up from the couch, being careful not to let the throw fall to the floor.

"Why would you? You were asleep!" Radley said with an amused smirk.

Ignoring that, Kalin came over to the window and looked outside. The depth of the snow made his heart drop. ". . . Have you tried to plow yet?" he asked.

"Scotch and Biff are making their way over there now," Radley said. "I have to admit, this is a lot even for us!"

"I have never seen this much snow in my life," Kalin said.

"I can only imagine that Malcolm woke up swearing and cursing when he saw the task at hand," Radley giggled.

"He doesn't man the plow himself, does he?" Kalin asked in some surprise.

"Nah, he considers that beneath him," Radley said. "He assigns it out."

"You do the same thing," Kalin said.

"Scotch volunteered, actually," Radley said. "And then of course, Biff went along with him. Those two are generally inseparable."

Inseparable . . . as Kalin and Yusei had been. Would Scotch and Biff remain so into the future? Or would everything come to an end, as it seemed to so often for people? That was the norm, really; anyone staying together was going against the tides.

". . . How long have they been together?" Kalin asked.

"Since they were kids," Radley said. "They met in foster care and then ran away together when they found out they were going to be separated. Eventually they ended up where I was and I took them under my wing. Biff was 18 by then, but Scotch was still a minor. We worried about the possibility of him being taken away until he turned 18 too."

Kalin clenched a fist. "They have no right to separate anyone who takes joy in being together." He could feel some of the outrage he'd felt at Sector Security boiling under the surface. But of course nothing would come of it. After the war he had already waged had gone so wrong, he would not try that again on any organization. He didn't need to add any more sins to his list.

"Hey, all of us agree with you," Radley said. "I was prepared to go as far as legally adopting Scotch or applying to be his guardian, if it had come to that. I might have been rejected since I'm not that much older than him, but maybe I wouldn't have been considering my heritage. That would've come out in such a venture."

"You're someone important?" Kalin grunted.

"Let's say my family is," Radley said. "I don't use their name because I wanna be recognized for my own accomplishments and not have it lumped in with theirs."

". . . You don't seem like the kind of person who would distance yourself from your family." Was that actually a tinge of disappointment in Kalin's tone? Radley seemed different than Kalin. He didn't want to believe they were similar in abandoning loved ones.

Radley frowned a bit that Kalin had taken it that way. "I'm not," he said. "If they hadn't forced the distance, I would be proud to use their name. They made it clear I'm not welcome anymore."

That shamed and sobered Kalin, and he looked away. "Oh." And then he was bitter. "Are there any families who treat their kids the way they should be treated?"

"At least three of the Bunch came from good families," Radley said. "And I know a lot of other people do too. It's just that for whatever reason, we weren't allowed to have that blessing." He sighed. "And I'd be lying if I said that doesn't make me mad. Maybe God really doesn't care, like my family kept telling me."

"If God cared, why did He allow Zero Reverse to happen?" Kalin said.

"Theologists would have a whole host of answers for that, none of them satisfactory to me," Radley said. "I don't know what to think. Maybe it's true about having to go through trials to get experience and knowledge, or to test our faithfulness. I guess it's definitely true that without bad things happening, we wouldn't know what good things are even like. There'd be nothing to compare them to. But . . . I'll probably always wonder why certain bad things in particular are chosen as the trials. Sometimes it seems like what we're forced to go through are our worst nightmares."

Kalin shrugged. "That's probably exactly it. Whatever we least want to experience, that's deliberately chosen for us to be tortured with. It sounds sadistic to me."

Radley just looked tired. "And yet . . . if some of these bad things hadn't happened, would we have even met certain people? Would all the Bunch have ended up with me? Those guys are the best thing that's ever happened to me. So you could also make a case that God is only doing the good things, not the bad, or that He's turning the bad things into good. I just don't know."

Kalin grunted. Even if he was going to concede that this argument could be the truth, he still wouldn't be able to believe that his deeds could be turned into something good. He was irredeemable, his past unforgivable. Anyone who loved him was either misguided or a fool.

And yet . . .

Yusei hadn't ignored all the bad that Kalin had done. He hadn't tried to sweep it under the carpet and pretend it didn't exist. But incredibly, unbelievably, he had loved Kalin in spite of it, seeing a good person underneath all of the insanity and the cruelty. And that love had eventually broken through the darkness of the Dark Signers' spell and released him. Yusei wasn't misguided or a fool. He had saved Kalin, and by doing so, he had helped save the world.

How Kalin wished he had just stayed dead then, as he deserved. How could he have been revived? The only thing that made sense to him was that he had been revived to atone for all the evil he had done. Somehow he had to find peace.

"Do you believe that those who have done evil should be punished?"

He wasn't sure why he had decided to blurt that. Radley looked stunned too.

". . . I think they'll have to answer to the law," Radley said at last. "But sometimes the law gets it wrong. If I really believe in God . . . then I have to figure He's the only one who gets it right."

"Does He?" Kalin pondered, his thoughts swirling.

"I mean, He's the only one who sees the whole thing, right? He knows us inside and out?"

And yet He had allowed Kalin to be revived. He had turned that kind of filth loose on the world again. Why? Kalin wasn't a danger now, but . . . he didn't deserve to be alive.

Maybe living with all his memories and all his guilt was his punishment for what he had done. Maybe this was his Hell. If that were so, then he couldn't kill himself, could he? He had to live like this forever, seeing love so close to him . . . wanting it so badly . . . and having to deny himself. He wasn't worthy of it.

He shook himself out of his thoughts. Did he believe Radley was good now? He had been getting so caught up in seeing the man's kindness that he had lost track of the gang war and his concerns. But he couldn't forget that.

"Why do you fight this war?" he said then.

Radley was again surprised. Kalin had been jumping from topic to topic where there was seemingly no connection. ". . . What do you think I should do?" he asked. "Just give up and pack it in and let a creep like Malcolm take over?"

"I still don't know that you'd be any different if you took control. You'd be tempted by power, just like I was. Eventually you'd be a dictator."

"Hey." Radley walked around to see into Kalin's eyes. "That isn't an absolute. Not everybody with power goes bad. I wouldn't!"

"I never thought I would. I didn't think I was bad even when I was."

Radley sighed. "There's no way to really prove to you that it won't happen with me. Let's not talk about it, okay? Just come down to breakfast." He turned to go back into the hall.

Kalin just silently followed him out.

". . . You know, really, part of me wants to think that not only does God care, He showed it by sending me you," Radley said. "You're our first real hope in ages! No one else has ever lasted as long as you have."

". . . That's sacrilegious," Kalin grunted.

Radley sighed again. "Oh Kalin. . . ." Giving up, he headed downstairs.

Kalin trailed after him.

Most of the Bunch was gathered in the diner when they came down. "We got the snow off the porch," Virgil announced.

"Great," Radley said, managing a smile.

The sound of the plow truck rumbled outside as it rattled down the snow-filled street. Farther away, Malcolm's truck could also be heard.

"Will anyone even come for breakfast?" Kalin wondered. "Maybe they'd rather stay warm in their homes."

"There might not be as big a crowd, but some people always come," Radley said. "Some don't like cooking and some wanna socialize."

"The duel will be interesting," Virgil said. "They'll all be bundled up, but they'll still come to watch!"

"All of you too?" Kalin asked.

"What, you think we don't have winter wear?" Radley scoffed.

A shrug. "It's just hard to picture you wearing a heavy coat. It doesn't seem very punkish."

Radley was amused. "Honestly, I care more about being warm. I have a long black coat for inclement weather. Funny thing is, it looks similar to yours."

"You guys shop the same haberdashery or something?" Virgil grunted.

Radley gave Kalin a playful side-long look. "Apparently. We have similar taste in styles and colors. We'll be a wonderful spectacle at the duel tonight. Don't you see, Kalin? We're clearly meant to be together." He winked.

Kalin was a bit taken aback. Radley was teasing, of course, but he still hadn't expected such joviality after how Kalin had just shot him down repeatedly.

. . . He was teasing, wasn't he? He couldn't possibly still be interested in being friends. . . .

"And everyone will be coming for the Valentine's party too!" Jimmy spoke up. "We need to get things ready."

That brought a grimace. "Valentine's party?!"

Radley gave Kalin an amused look. "We've been talking about it for days. You weren't paying attention?"

"No," Kalin said flatly. "Valentine's and I don't mix."

"It is obnoxious when romance is given the sole focus," Radley said. "Valentine's should be for all love. That's how we always celebrate it."

"'Food and presents and fun'!" Clint quoted with a smirk. "That's what Scotch loves."

"The rest of us too," Marty said.

"There's cookies to bake and chocolate to prepare," Radley said. "Scotch decorated days ago." He gestured to the fuzzy hearts and red garland hanging around the diner.

"You're not expecting me to help with any of that, are you?" Kalin grunted.

"No, not when you're such a Grouchy Gus," Radley smirked. "The street's clear, so you're free to leave. Just be back for the duel."

Kalin headed for the door. "I will be."

"Are you taking breakfast at the boarding house?" Radley asked. "We have it ready here."

Kalin paused. Radley was always insistent on making sure he ate after discovering to his chagrin that Kalin sometimes didn't if not pushed. Normally Kalin gave in, but he really wasn't thrilled with being around for Valentine's preparations.

. . . Still, at least the decorating was already done.

"I'll eat here," he said at last.

Radley smiled in relief. "Good."

Kalin sat down at a table and Radley brought two plates over, setting one in front of Kalin before claiming the other himself. Kalin just gave a nod of acknowledgment and started to eat.

Radley ate in silence for all of a couple of minutes before trying again to talk. "So, what did the Enforcers do for Valentine's Day? Throw darts at paper hearts?"

"Jack and I did," Kalin deadpanned. "Yusei was too embarrassed to acknowledge a holiday for couples and Crow just laughed it off. He did help his kids make Valentines for each other and Martha and us, though."

"That's nice," Radley smiled.

"And what did you do?" Kalin asked after a moment of reflection. "Give Valentines to all your classmates and get lots of candy and gifts?" A bit of venom slipped into Kalin's tone, but he didn't call it back or apologize for it. Radley was rich and had likely grown up with all the things Kalin had never had.

". . . I got a little candy, but there weren't any classmates or friends to hand anything out to," Radley said. "My grandmother made me make Valentines for the other kids in the neighborhood as a gesture of good will, but they didn't like me any more than I liked them."

Kalin grunted. He hadn't expected that. "Why? You don't seem the prejudiced type."

"Why, thank you," Radley smirked. "Nah, the problem was they liked my money, not me. Once I figured that out, I didn't wanna be friends with them. My grandmother wanted me to keep up good relations with them so their families would want us to stay in their social circles. Money and reputations . . . that was all she really cared about."

Kalin wasn't sure what to say to that. Radley's life had been sad all along, just as Kalin's had. ". . . So life at the top isn't so cushy after all," he finally remarked.

Radley gave a dry laugh. "Yeah, you could say that." Sobering, he added, "I would've given anything to have had the Bunch back then. You were lucky you had the Enforcers, even though it didn't last."

"I didn't even meet them right away," Kalin said. "My childhood was spent alone."

Radley sobered more. "I didn't realize. I'm sorry."

A shrug. "I was always meant to be alone," Kalin said. "The only time I had people who cared about me, I drove them away."

". . . Haven't you seen them at all since getting out of the Facility?" Radley frowned.

Kalin wasn't about to talk about the real heart of his guilt and shame. He kept eating, refusing to meet Radley's eyes.

Radley took that to mean something much different than what it really meant. Of course, he would never dream of the truth. ". . . I don't wanna pry, Kalin, but . . . don't you think they're worried about you?"

"If they're smart, they won't," Kalin flatly answered.

". . . What if someday one or more of them find you here?" Radley asked. "What will you do?"

Kalin was silent for a long moment. What would happen, in such a case? Yusei, Jack, and Crow were all settling into their new lives in the City, finally free to live there after years of being consigned to the Satellite. It was unlikely that they would come out here, but it wasn't impossible. Crash Town was big news in seedy bars and bad neighborhoods, which was how Kalin had heard about it. Anyone who was willing to take a risk to earn big money came here to seize their chance. If the others heard about it, especially Yusei, he might very well swing by to investigate and see what kind of crooked set-up was going on. Then, Yusei being Yusei, he would try to stop it. And Kalin being Kalin, he would hope to use that to end his misery. How fitting it would be, if Yusei were the one to help him obtain the suffering he needed.

". . . If I'm found," Kalin said at last, "it will mean my time has come."

Radley quirked an eyebrow. "And just what does that mean?"

"You'll know if it happens," Kalin replied, going back to his food.

From Radley's expression, he didn't like the sound of that. But he just frowned and continued to eat.

xxxx

Kalin slipped out of the diner and went back to the boarding house after breakfast. He spent the rest of the day up in his room, lost in thoughts of the past both distant and more recent.

Valentine's with the Enforcers hadn't been terrible, really. It had been the only time Kalin had liked the holiday at all. Crow had found ways to make it fun, and Kalin had enjoyed the silly dart games with Jack.

Their years together felt like a fleeting moment in the wind now. So much pain and sorrow had hedged up the way since then. Kalin felt more like 50 than 20. Maybe even older. Becoming a power-driven maniac bent on revenge and trying to destroy the friend who had "betrayed" him did that to a person.

If he had told Radley the full truth, Radley would have understood why Kalin had to make himself suffer. How could he not?

But Kalin didn't want to tell him. He didn't want Radley to think he was looking for pity or sympathy, and if instead he scared Radley with the weight of his twisted nature and mind, Radley might not want Kalin to duel for him anymore. Kalin had to duel. This was the best way of achieving the end he sought.

Radley was an unusual soul, though. Maybe he would decide that Kalin's darkness made him the perfect candidate to fight on. He had said more than once that to duel under such circumstances, one had to either be greedy or crazy, or both. He was a student of human nature and was good at observing people. Some people thought he was much older than he was. The tired lines under his eyes and at the side of his mouth could give that impression. But although Kalin had never asked Radley's age, he now knew the man was much younger than that. He was a strange series of contrasts—business-oriented yet kind, greedy yet a compassionate father figure . . . streetwise yet naive. He could never begin to comprehend Kalin's true darkness. But really, who could?

Kalin rolled over on the bed, staring out at the cloudy sky. It hadn't really been that long since he had arrived in town, yet it felt like it was. With Radley especially, it seemed like Kalin had known him for ages and not just weeks. That was impossible, but he had felt the same kind of connection as he had with Yusei, Jack, and Crow. He had to deny it, of course, but no matter how he pushed it away, he still felt it.

It seemed like just yesterday when he had first arrived in town. He had joined Radley's gang and won the first duel for him the following night. The game had been incredible and the euphoria from playing again and then winning had now and then made him forget his true goals. It had felt so good to play again. . . . Then it was over and he had won and suddenly several days of little to no food had caught up with him. . . . The world had swirled and gone black.

"Oy!? What the . . . ?! Kalin?!" Radley exclaimed in shock as Kalin fainted into his arms.

"Please don't tell me he up and died after giving us our first win in weeks!" Virgil said in exasperation.

"No, he's not dead. But . . ." Radley frowned, balancing Kalin as he stumbled, trying to keep his own balance. "How did I not see this? He's sick. Look how pale he is! Come on, help me get him inside and call the doctor."

With Billy's help, Radley managed to carry Kalin down the street to Mrs. Rickshaw's boarding house. Marty rushed to the phone to get the doctor.

Kalin started to wake up while the physician was examining him. He grunted in annoyance, batting the unwelcome hand away.

"Now, now, I'll be done in a minute," the older man scolded. "Just how long has it been since you ate?"

". . . I don't remember," Kalin growled.

"That doesn't surprise me!" The doctor looked to Radley, who was standing nearby with folded arms. "You see that he gets some decent food in him."

"Oh, you can bet I will, Doc," Radley replied. "And I'll see that he keeps eating."

"You'd better, or this will happen again." The doctor shook his head as he loaded his stethoscope and penlight back in his bag. "All these crazy people coming here seeking their fortunes! At least most of them have the sense to show up and duel after a meal!"

Kalin started to push himself up on the couch after the physician left. "What happened?" he asked Radley.

"What happened?!" Radley scoffed. "You didn't eat in Heaven knows how long and you passed out in my arms! You are loco! You should know how taxing it is to duel. It's not something to do if your body's weak!"

Kalin looked away. "I didn't know I was that bad off."

"And you're never gonna be again," Radley vowed. "Mrs. Rickshaw is getting something together for you. It's light for now, but we'll move you up to heavier foods later."

"What are you, my nursemaid?" Kalin retorted.

Radley sighed in exasperation. "Kalin, I make a habit of not interfering in people's lives, including people who work for me. But if they're not taking care of themselves, that's going to end up hurting me as well as them. In this case, it could hurt the whole town. That's not acceptable. So we're going to feed you, okay?" He managed a smile and a wink. "I promise it'll be so good you'll want to eat."

Kalin grunted. "Fine." Food held little interest for him anymore, but he had to concede to Radley's logic. Starving himself as he had starved in the Facility was not a good idea. If he wanted to last until the proper punishment came along, he had to stay healthy for now.

Kalin had to admit that Radley had made good on his promise. Both Mrs. Rickshaw and Radley were excellent cooks, and he actually found himself looking forward to the meals. In spite of how he wanted to punish himself, he couldn't make himself stay away from their dishes. Having experienced starvation before, his body couldn't seem to take it anymore. He ate ravenously.

He would miss that, when it was time for him to go into the mines. But there wouldn't be anything for it. When it was time to be punished, he would accept it and welcome it. Missing anything would just add to his suffering. That was as it should be.

He sat up. The sun was shining through the clouds just enough to make it clear that it was about to dip. It was time to leave for the duel.

xxxx

It was kind of amusing, arriving at the town square and seeing Malcolm's men bundled to the nines and shivering in spite of it. The Bunch, meanwhile, seemed quite comfortable with their winter wear and with the cold. When Radley stepped out in a long, black, wool coat, Kalin was surprised by how good it looked on him, and how natural. Radley made it work for his personal style and smirked, both clearly pleased with himself and amused by Malcolm's discomfort.

"If the cold is too much for you, Malcolm, we could postpone the duel tonight," he said easily.

"I'm just fine!" Malcolm spat. "The duel's going on like always!"

Radley had known Malcolm would say that. He just smiled, gesturing for Kalin to come up. "Alright then. At least your Duelist is likely to keep warm, sweating over how to beat our star player."

Malcolm snarled. "You're not gonna win tonight, Radley!" he vowed. "We've brought in a real winner this time!"

And maybe that was so. But he didn't win that night. Kalin made short work of him and soon he was on his way to Radley's part of the mine. Radley smiled, pleased, while Malcolm fumed and cursed him.

"Oh, haven't you ever heard the saying 'Make love, not war'?" Radley giggled. "Especially today on Valentine's Day? Why not bury the hatchet and join the festivities at the diner?"

"And have you gloating in my face all night long?!" Malcolm snorted. "No, thank you! I'm going to the Red Scarf to celebrate Valentine's in my own way! Come on, Gentlemen!" With that he stomped back to his tank.

Radley leaned in close to Kalin. "Translation: he's going to get completely smashed and yell and holler and throw a fit," he smirked.

"That's what he does every night, isn't it?" Kalin said flatly.

"As far as I know," Radley laughed. "One time he even carved 'Radley is an idiot' directly into his bar counter."

". . . And he thinks you're the idiot," Kalin grunted.

"That's the irony of it," Radley grinned. "Okay, guys. Let's get going!"

"Alright!" Scotch whooped. "Party!" He punched the air with a fist.

Radley smiled at Kalin. "You'll come, won't you? I promise it won't entirely be a lovey-dovey mushy-gushy goo fest."

Kalin didn't look impressed by the silly rhymes, but he had already discovered that was one of Radley's little quirks. "I won't stay," he said.

"I'm happy for you to come at all," Radley said, still smiling. He laid a hand on Kalin's shoulder before walking over to his motorcycle and climbing on. His coat billowed around him before falling back down around his knees.

Kalin watched him without a word. The last time he ever remembered complimenting anyone on their fashion sense had been when the Enforcers had all donned their signature vests with furry trim. He had been so proud of those. He still wanted to say that Radley looked good in that coat . . . even that Radley made the coat look good. But it was even less like him to give compliments now than in the past.

Finally he just turned, heading for his own motorcycle to ride off with them to the diner.