Taste Your Words Before You Spit Them Out

As usual, Kalin excused himself long before Radley was ready to go home that night. But when Kalin stepped outside into the freezing air, the sight of Clint engaged in an animated conversation with Malcolm was enough to stop him in his tracks. What on Earth was Clint doing talking to Malcolm? Malcolm was furious about something, but instead of Clint being furious right back, he looked more shamed than anything else.

They hadn't noticed Kalin yet, so he slipped around the side of the building to eavesdrop. Malcolm was now pointing at Clint with fire in his eyes.

"Now look here!" he snarled. "We had a deal! You can't just go back on it!"

Clint finally looked up. "And why not?!" he spat. "I don't want your deal anymore! I was young and stupid and I wanted friends. But I've found better friends with these guys than I ever did with your Crew!"

Kalin's eyes widened just slightly. From the sound of this, Clint had been with Malcolm's gang. Maybe he still was.

"And just how long do you think they'd stay your friends if they knew all you are is a fly on the wall?" Malcolm retorted.

Clint flinched. "I'm not going to tell them," he said. "And you won't either!"

Kalin never would have trusted anyone found out to be a snake in the grass in the Enforcers. Maybe Radley would have trouble with this too. Or maybe he would think Kalin was lying, like Malcolm had thought about Radley's tales of Barbara's infidelity.

. . . He was talking like he was definitely going to tell Radley about this. Was he? Or was he going to stay out of it? He supposed he technically should tell. But would he? He hadn't been that interested in other duties besides the dueling. Radley deserved better than Kalin keeping it secret, though. And why would he keep it secret?

"And just how do you figure on me keeping quiet?" Malcolm was demanding now.

"Don't you have any pride?" Clint said. "Why would you want to publicly admit that you lost one of your men to the enemy?"

Malcolm looked ready to bite through metal. To his credit, he merely stepped back with a smoulder that would have withered lesser men. "I'm going to keep checking in with you," he warned. "Bring me some information of value and I'll let you out of our little deal."

"I can't," Clint said through clenched teeth. "I can't betray them like that!"

"Then I will see you tomorrow night," Malcolm vowed. He stepped away and turned to head back towards his side of town.

Clint stared after him. Knowing it was hopeless, he kicked the dirt in despair.

Kalin frowned to himself. This situation wasn't cut and dry. From the sound of it, Clint had been sent in as a spy but had come to love the Bunch too much to ever hurt them. He wasn't sure what to do. It would be more like him to just walk on by and not address the problem at all, but . . . when Radley trusted him so much, it seemed cruel to just do nothing.

Finally he stepped out. "Are you going to tell Radley?"

Clint jumped a mile. "What?! No!" he exclaimed. "I don't want to hurt him! How much did you hear?"

"Enough to know you've got a problem," Kalin said. "Radley deserves to know."

"Even if I'm not going to do what Malcolm wants?" Clint said softly. "I've been here for so long now. I can't go through with what he wanted me to do . . . what I said I'd do. I can't betray Radley."

"Hasn't Malcolm come to you for information before?" Kalin asked.

"I made up excuses on why I didn't have anything for him," Clint said. "Then I started giving him fake information. He just found out tonight that it's fake. He came here and confronted me about it."

Kalin grunted. "How long did you think you could get away with that?" He wondered what Radley would think of it. He had felt that if Barbara would betray Malcolm, she would be capable of betraying him too. Would he think this was the same kind of situation? Kalin wasn't sure whether it was or wasn't.

Clint gave a helpless shrug. "I thought you'd beat Malcolm and I wouldn't have to worry about it anymore."

Kalin flinched a bit at that. ". . . And you'd just stay here as a member of the Bunch and never tell what you'd been?"

"Why would I?" Clint shot back. "I wouldn't want to hurt them when they trust me and think I'm one of them! I want to be one of them!"

"Malcolm trusted you too," Kalin pointed out.

"But he wanted me to hurt Radley!" Clint said. "Radley never wanted me to hurt anyone! He's different!" He scowled and turned away. "I thought you were finally starting to figure that out."

Kalin hesitated. He knew he needed to make himself believe Radley was not different, that he was as cruel as Malcolm and as deserving of suffering. But it wasn't easy. Everywhere he turned, he saw and heard just the opposite. And in his heart, he really knew the truth.

The door opened before either of them figured out what to do next. Radley stood there, frowning as he observed the scene. Then, to Kalin's surprise, his expression softened. "Are you ready to talk to me, Clint?"

Clint just stared at him. "Radley . . . you're not surprised?"

"I invited you to talk before, but I could see you weren't ready," Radley said. "I knew something was bothering you; I just didn't know what until I heard what was going on tonight."

Clint broke down, tears slipping from his eyes as he choked out his reply. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I got to town and Malcolm's Crew got to me first. They gave me the whole spiel about being a family and I fell for it! It was nice for a while, until I saw all the drinking and the bullying going on. When I got upset about that, Malcolm gave me the assignment to infiltrate the Bunch and try to get information about them and you and bring it to him. I didn't want to, but I agreed! Only . . . when I got in with you guys and was with you for a while, I realized you were a real family and Malcolm was lying. You were what I'd been looking for! I just . . . I couldn't tell you the truth. I didn't want everyone to turn against me! But I couldn't get out of the mess with Malcolm either. I started lying to him, bringing him false info, and he bought it for a long time! I'm not sure what went wrong this time, but . . . now he knows . . . and you know. . . ." He shook his head and started to turn away. "I'll get my things."

That brought Radley quickly down the stairs to his stricken friend. "Hey." He laid his hands on Clint's shoulders. "You don't have to go anywhere unless you really want to go. You're still one of us."

Clint looked up at him in disbelief. "But . . . I'm a spy. . . ."

"You never went through with it, so you're not a spy," Radley insisted. "I'll talk to Malcolm. You're right, you know; his pride would never let him admit publicly that one of his spies joined the other side. It'll be okay."

". . . The others, though. . . . Will they really feel like too?" Clint looked skeptical at best.

Radley smiled. "Don't count them out. I'm pretty sure they'll think it's really cool that you want to be here."

Clint shakily nodded. "I hope so." And then he threw his arms around Radley, clutching him close. "Thank you . . . so much. . . ."

Radley held him with a smile.

Kalin turned away. Would he have ever been like that? Even if a spy came to him with this same story, would he have believed it? Or would he have been unforgiving and insisted the person pack up their things and go? He honestly didn't know, and it troubled him.

Once Clint calmed down, he pulled back a bit to look up at his friend. "So . . . what should I do now?" he wondered.

"Go back in the diner with the guys," Radley said. "I'll talk to Malcolm and then we'll all talk."

Clint hesitated. "Are you sure? You shouldn't talk to Malcolm by yourself. . . ."

Radley glanced to Kalin with a silent question. "I'll be okay," he said firmly.

"Maybe we should all talk first and then go to Malcolm together," Clint said.

"Maybe," Radley mused. "But I'd really like to have a private chat with Malcolm, okay? I promise I'll be fine."

Clint still looked worried, but he trusted Radley, so he nodded and headed up the steps and inside.

Radley sighed, running a hand through his hair as he looked to Kalin. "So it looks like our night isn't over yet," he said. "How about it, Kalin? Will you come with me as my bodyguard to straighten this all out?"

Kalin grunted. "If you think that's the best way."

"And we should go before Malcolm gets too sloshed," Radley said. "He probably went straight to the villa." He started off down the street.

Kalin followed him silently. The night was still freezing; he could see their breath in the air. But he wasn't bothered, and Radley looked too occupied with his thoughts to worry about the cold.

"Hey, thanks for talking to Clint and standing up for me. I wasn't expecting that. It was nice to hear."

Kalin hadn't expected that. But it was typical Radley, when he thought on it. He shrugged. "I was there and I heard what was happening. I couldn't easily leave without being seen. Talking to Clint made sense."

"I'm glad you thought so," Radley said. "I thought you didn't care about me enough to lift a finger."

Kalin didn't respond to that.

". . . You don't think I did the right thing, do you?"

Kalin blinked in surprise at Radley's sudden, honest question. "I wouldn't know," he said. "I personally wouldn't have been likely to give Clint another chance, but we both know I'm not a kind person."

"Actually hearing the confrontation with Malcolm helped a lot," Radley said. "I could tell Clint was sincere. Context and circumstances are important; you can't just base everything on one or two facts about a problem."

Kalin was unmoved. "You can sometimes. Some crimes are unforgivable no matter what the reason was for them."

Radley paused, looking to Kalin with a sad frown. "Such as?"

Kalin looked away and kept walking.

Radley finally just sighed. "Luckily for Clint, I don't think what he did is unforgivable in the least." He quickly caught up to Kalin again. "And I don't think what you did is either."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Kalin objected.

"I only know what I see," Radley said.

Kalin didn't answer.

They could hear the yelling and cursing before they actually reached the villa's heavy doors. When Radley knocked, the door was almost immediately thrust open by Malcolm, who already looked well on his way to being sloshed.

"Oh, what do you want?!" he boomed. "Here to gloat because that boy prefers you to me?!"

"Now, now, I'm surprised you're admitting that, Malcolm," Radley said easily. No doubt it was the liquor talking.

"It's not like it can be denied!" Malcolm spat. "And I guess you're here to ask me to release him, right? Well, I won't! Even if he won't ever give me any information worth using, I'll keep coming around just to see if I can wear him down and break him over time! Just what do you think of that?!"

"I think it sounds exactly like the kind of childish, time-wasting antics you would revel in," Radley said. "Don't you have any sense of time or logic at all? Surely you have better things to do than try to psyche out a young kid who's of no particular use to you."

Malcolm glowered at him with a fiery rage and hatred that outperformed all other emotions. "I don't need you to tell me what I can and can't do with my own time!" he roared.

Radley was unaffected. "I wonder how much you'll even remember of this when you're sober," he remarked. "I was hoping to catch you before you started drowning all your sorrows in your whiskey." He stepped back. "We might as well go, Kalin. There's no way to reason with him when he's like this."

Kalin grunted in agreement.

"And good riddance!" Malcolm bawled, slamming the door after them.

". . . What are you going to do?" Kalin asked after a moment of silence.

"I'm not sure," Radley said in frustration. "We'll have to try again tomorrow. He'll have a hangover and he'll be grouchy, but overall he might be more willing to listen."

They were both surprised when one of Malcolm's top men, Seluga, quietly came out from around the side of the villa. Out of all of Malcolm's Crew, Seluga was the only highly-ranked one who seemed to have much, if any, humanity. He put more thought into what he said and did and was quite philosophical in his own way. If he and Radley weren't on opposite sides of the conflict, they might have been friends.

Radley watched him with interest. "Hello, Seluga. Here to try to clean up after your boss again?"

"I'll try to talk to him about Clint when he's sober again," Seluga told him. "I might be able to reason with him and get him to agree more than you can."

"Yes, you might," Radley mused. "He would probably hold out against me out of little else but spite."

"Come by the Red Scarf tomorrow and I'll let you know if I had any luck," Seluga told him.

"We'll do that," Radley said. "Thank you."

He looked apologetically to Kalin as Seluga went back inside. "Would you mind coming over earlier tomorrow and we'll see if we can take care of this first?" he said. "It needs to get resolved for Clint's sake."

"We can try," Kalin grunted. He didn't look or feel very hopeful about their chances, even with Seluga's help.

Radley nodded and sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "I hate to go back and tell him it's not fixed yet, but I don't know what else I can do. Pushing Malcolm right now will just make it worse."

"Let's go," Kalin agreed.

The door flying open again made them both jump a mile. Malcolm stood there, bright red and clearly drunk out of his mind. "You know, I've decided something," he said with a sneer. "Radley, you can have that backstabbing little puppy. Let's see how long he lasts with you before he turns against you for someone else!" Cackling to himself, he banged the door again.

Radley flinched, no doubt fearing again for the villa with all the harsh door-slamming. "Let's take that as our best answer and get back to the diner," he said.

"Maybe he'll change his mind when he's sober," Kalin grunted.

"Maybe, but that sounds like something he'd decide either way," Radley said with a dry smirk. "Come on." He started back down the street.

Kalin went with him. "He has a point, though," he said. "How is this different from not trusting Barbara because of thinking she'll betray you?"

Radley frowned. "It's completely different," he insisted. "Barbara's attitude and Clint's attitude are like night and day. She just wanted to bang a good-looking guy and take his money. Clint wanted a family. He saw we were for real, unlike Malcolm's Crew. He won't find anything better."

Kalin grunted. "It's up to you. I wouldn't trust him. You told that other kid, Gary, that there'd be a trial period if he wanted to switch sides."

"I know," Radley said. "I guess for Clint, I feel like he's already had his trial period and proved himself trustworthy. I mean, come on! He's been making up excuses and giving Malcolm false info for weeks! He could have got into serious trouble on any given night, but he kept doing that to protect us." He smiled. "I trust him just as much as any of the rest of the Bunch."

Kalin finally nodded. "When you put it that way, it makes more sense."

Radley looked pleased. "Exactly."

They reached the diner again and Radley headed inside, followed closely by Kalin. The Bunch, who were either eating, drinking, or doing karaoke, all looked up.

"Radley!" Scotch beamed.

"Hi, guys," Radley greeted.

Clint gave him a very questioning look, to which Radley smiled in reply. "You're all set."

That brought a concourse of confused looks. "What does that mean?" Billy asked.

Clint drew a deep breath and got up. "Malcolm came over tonight to see me," he said. "He's been trying to get information out of me for weeks now. I never tell him anything real."

"What?! Why the heck is he doing that?!" Scotch cried.

Clint wavered, but Radley gave him an encouraging nod. ". . . Because when I first got to town, I joined him," he all but whispered.

Dead silence.

". . . So what does that mean?!" Virgil finally demanded. "That you're a spy?!"

"That's what I was supposed to be," Clint said. "But when I got here and saw how amazing all of you guys are, I . . . I just couldn't. I didn't know how to get out of the mess I was in, so I just kept telling Malcolm lies when he came around wanting to know what I'd found out. Tonight he realized it was lies. He came over yelling and Radley and Kalin heard it all. They went to try to get him to release me so I can just be one of the Bunch for real . . . if you'll still have me after this." He looked down.

The Bunch exchanged looks. It was a lot to swallow all at once. But when their beloved leader seemed fine with it, who were they to object?

"Of course we will," Barney said at last, and most of the rest of the Bunch chorused agreement.

Clint relaxed, looking like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "Thank you," he choked out. "I won't let you down! I promise! This is all I want, to be here with you guys."

Radley smiled, looking so proud of all of them.

Kalin still felt skeptical. "I don't think Virgil's convinced," he noted, seeing the dark-haired boy's scowl and folded arms.

"Virgil is like you in some ways," Radley said. "He'll need some time to process this, but I think he'll be okay too. He trusts my judgment."

". . . Aren't you hurt at all to find this out about Clint?" Kalin blurted. If he had learned such a thing about Yusei or Jack or Crow, it certainly would have led to an explosion, even if he had then calmed down and forgiven them.

Radley sighed. "Maybe it hasn't fully sunk in yet or maybe it's because of the circumstances on how I learned it, but I feel okay about it," he said. "Clint's our loyal friend. That hasn't changed at all. And really, knowing he was sent in as a spy but didn't have the heart to do the job makes me pretty happy. I must be doing something right."

Kalin grunted and shrugged, conceding the point. "Apparently so."

The hurt flickered in Radley's eyes again. It really did bother him that Kalin was so unmoved and absolutely didn't seem to like him. But he didn't comment on it, saying instead, "I'm still looking forward to tomorrow. You got any favorite foods, Kalin?"

"I'll eat anything," Kalin said honestly.

Radley smirked. "You will, huh? Then tomorrow should be even more interesting. I'll be sure to prepare something fitting."

Kalin resisted the urge to ask why Radley was so excited for it. How could several hours spent with him be fun?

"We should all sing!" Scotch declared. He put on that same cheesy song about friendship being hard to find and most of the Bunch gathered around Clint to sing it with him. Clint looked amazed, moved, and happy all at once. As they all placed their arms on each other's shoulders, Clint beamed and joined in too.

Virgil still looked hesitant. "This is really okay?" he said, looking to Radley.

"Under the circumstances, yeah, it's okay with me," Radley said. "But it's alright if you need more time."

"It's just . . . I feel like I've been lied to. That we all have." Virgil frowned more. "What we thought was true just wasn't. He joined us under false pretenses! I wonder if any of the stuff he told us about himself is true."

"I think most of it was," Radley said. "And even if he told a few lies at the beginning, he's telling the truth now."

"It'll take me a while to figure out how to be okay with this," Virgil said. "Some of the other guys look skeptical too." He indicated several on the outside of the group chain. They were joining in the arms on the shoulders, but not all of them were singing.

"That's only human," Radley said. "We should probably all talk about things more as a group, after it's fully sunk in for everyone."

"Yeah, I think we should," Virgil said.

Kalin really studied the group. The Bunch was huge, over twenty guys. Aside from the core group that was always around Radley, it was all too easy to start getting the others mixed up. Kalin couldn't even keep all their names straight.

Not that he actually tried very hard.

"I'm going to go in the arcade for a while," Virgil said.

Radley nodded. "You do what you need to do," he said.

Kalin was still watching the rest of the Bunch as Virgil quietly slipped out. "What if some of them really aren't okay with Clint staying on?" he asked.

That brought a sigh. "I don't know. We'll have to all talk about it and see if there's anything Clint can do to help them feel better about him. I won't kick anyone out of the Bunch, but I don't want things to be uncomfortable for the others either."

"It's going to be uncomfortable for them for a while," Kalin said. "There's nothing you can do about that."

"Yeah, probably not," Radley agreed. "It might be one of those things that can only be healed with time. And if for some of them it's just not, we'll have to talk again and assess the situation then. I really hope it won't come to that."

Kalin let the subject drop. ". . . How do you keep all of them straight?" he wondered. "I would always be mixing up their names."

Radley chuckled. "When you're around them everyday, it's not that hard to memorize who's who. I remember how I met each one of them."

"Are their stories all fairly similar?" Kalin asked.

"In some sad ways," Radley said. "Most of them are from unhappy homes, as I've mentioned. Or other things have gone wrong. Virgil and Jimmy have loving families, but others in their neighborhood treated them like dirt. Their families actually encouraged them to find me."

Kalin stared at him. "You're that well-known?!"

Radley laughed a bit. "By that point, I was kind of developing a reputation as somebody who welcomed in the outcasts . . . being one myself. But that was only in certain circles. I wasn't known as being connected to my famous and wealthy family. That version of me was pretty famous worldwide, but he had quietly dropped off the radar."

"You can't look that different," Kalin said.

"Longer hair, jewelry . . . but you're right," Radley said. "If I start being more well-known, it won't take much for people to put the pieces together. And that'll probably make my family pretty mad. My grandmother, anyway. She never wanted anyone to know that the heir to the family wineries committed such unpardonable sins as growing his hair out and wearing an earring."

"I would have lost my sanity in a household like that," Kalin said.

"Maybe it's a wonder I didn't," Radley said. "I didn't even know most families weren't like mine until I grew up and got out of there."

"What made you even form the Bunch?"

Radley smiled as he watched them continue to sing. "I was lonely and I wanted friends, like I told you. I finally started finding some, and when I realized the miserable circumstances they'd mostly come from, I wanted to show them something better. I didn't want any of them to have to keep living in loneliness like we'd all been doing up to that point."

"How noble," Kalin remarked.

From Radley's expression, he couldn't tell if Kalin was being sarcastic or not. "It's not like it was purely unselfish," he said. "It was what I wanted too. But depending on the circumstances, sometimes being selfish is a good thing."

"Is that how you feel about being here?" Kalin asked.

Radley sighed. "We came here to make our fortunes. We had no idea what we'd be getting into. Yeah, at first it was about the money and what we could get out of running the mine. But when we saw how cruel and vicious Malcolm is, we knew we couldn't let him take over the town without giving him a real fight. So . . . we started giving him one, not just because we want the mine, but because the townspeople deserve better."

"You think your goals are good. Do you consider yourself a hero?" Kalin wasn't even sure why he was continuing this line of questioning instead of just up and leaving now that the crisis was apparently over.

Radley looked surprised by the question. ". . . Maybe I would if we could beat Malcolm," he said. "But you'd be the real hero."

Kalin scoffed. "I will never be a hero. I thought that of myself in the Enforcers. Then I realized I was a villain, if anything."

Radley sighed sadly at that remark. "Even if that was true in the past, it doesn't mean that's your fate for always," he said. "Villains can find redemption, if they want it."

Kalin grunted. "That sounds like something Yusei would say."

"I think I might get along pretty well with this Yusei guy," Radley said.

Kalin turned his attention to the window. "There will be no redemption for me. The best I can hope for is to pay for all my crimes."

Radley frowned. "You were in the Facility for ages. Don't you think you've paid more than enough? Especially if the rumors about how they treat prisoners are true?"

"I can never pay enough," Kalin said. He stood. "I should go."

Radley stood too. "Are you still coming tomorrow?"

"Yes," Kalin grunted.

That brought a smile, even though Kalin sounded grumpy. "We'll have a good time," Radley said. "It'll be a nice break from all the havoc of the duels every night."

"We'll see," Kalin said. He headed for the door.

The streets were quiet as he walked the short distance to the bed and breakfast. Mrs. Rickshaw wanted the house locked up at night, so all of her guests had keys to let themselves in and out. Kalin used his and slipped inside the darkened living room, then up the stairs to his room.

The house wasn't anything fancy, but it was nice, much better than anything in the part of the Satellite where he had grown up. Even the Satellite had had better areas. Those had been off-limits to someone like him, at least as far as living there. He had taken the Enforcers all over every part of the Satellite to beat the cruel Duel Gangs.

That had been another lifetime ago. If he had never broken up the team, they would probably all still be there now.

Yusei, Jack, and Crow were in better situations now than they had ever been before, though. Kalin must have been holding them all back. Kalin causing the break-up of the Enforcers had probably been just what they had all needed.

That was a discouraging thought.

Fitting for his life, though.

After washing up, he went into his room and sank down on the bed. It was better for everyone when he wasn't around. Radley might think he wanted Kalin with him, but eventually he would realize the truth. When Kalin was gone, Radley would see how much better off he was without him.

As for Kalin himself . . . how he wished he wasn't poison. How he longed to just give in and be what Radley wished he would be.

But he knew he couldn't.

Kalin turned off the light and laid down with his demons. Somehow, eventually, he fell asleep.