Notes: And thus, what was originally supposed to be a long oneshot examining Kalin's and Radley's different techniques catches up with the rest of the original draft after over 100 pages.
I Am Strong, I Am Weak
People changed over time.
It was a sad truth, but one with which Kalin was very familiar. Over the past several weeks he had seen Radley grow harder and colder, despite his continued attempts to reach out and be friendly. Kalin was wearing him down. So was the war with Malcolm.
Even though Kalin knew he couldn't and shouldn't do anything about it, it had been digging hard into his heart and soul to see Radley change, to know it was because of him. Radley had been a cheery, happy soul, someone who had brightened Kalin's darkened heart even when he hadn't wanted to fully acknowledge it was so. But Kalin had finally driven the knife in too far.
Radley had always vowed he would never stoop to Malcolm's tactics. But nothing else had moved Kalin, not even telling him of the plight in town and how they had to keep Malcolm from taking over. Yusei's arrival and Kalin's increasingly worrisome behavior had been the last straw. The next day Radley tried intimidation and fear, threatening Kalin with the possible explosion of his Duel Gun and serious injury to his arm if he tried to cheat in the duel with Yusei to lose on purpose.
Kalin knew it was a lie. Radley believed in good business sense. He wouldn't risk really damaging his best employee. Besides, Kalin's Duel Gun was never out of his sight. He had inspected it and knew it was safe. If anyone knew how to rig a Duel Disk to explode, it was him. He had done it so many times against the Enforcers' rivals.
Still, even knowing Radley was lying, it . . . hurt for reasons Kalin didn't fully understand that Radley had sunk to his level. Kalin had used intimidation and fear as a Duel Gang leader. Kalin had kept saying they were no different once power got involved, and yet he had really known they were very different. Radley was better than that. If Kalin had cared enough to say something, he would have. He told Yusei later that it was a lie, and why, but that was all. He didn't tell Radley he didn't want to see him fall, that it hurt too much to see Radley be less than he was, that it just wasn't becoming to him to be the punk he looked like he was. He certainly didn't tell Radley why he felt that way. He didn't even understand the reason himself.
But he felt all of that in his heart before he locked it away.
xxxx
Facing off against Yusei was so strange, but so right. It was impossible not to remember their last duel, when Kalin had been so crazed from the Dark Signers' evil and from his own out of control feelings. Yusei had saved him then and brought him back to the light. Now, Yusei would help him begin his penance for all he had done.
He never once thought about how Yusei might feel to be responsible for that, even though he had earlier thought on how traumatized Yusei had been to see him die before. Suffering for his sins had seemed always just out of reach. None of Malcolm's people were good enough to defeat him. Yusei was. Knowing he had come had ultimately brought Kalin a sense of peace, despite his mixed feelings over not wanting to leave Radley. This was the day he would lose. He knew that all along. He would fight with all his heart so that it would be a perfect loss. And then he would embrace the suffering he deserved.
Radley threatened him again, seeing how he was slipping away. It didn't matter. It was a lie, even though Yusei believed it. He didn't know Radley, so of course he wouldn't understand. Kalin knew him. Radley would never hurt him. He would never . . .
He fought on, still with all his heart. So did Yusei.
Yusei delivered the final blow. Kalin's lifepoints dropped to zero.
Peace washed over him in waves. It was over. Finally, he would suffer now. He would pay for everything he had done wrong.
There truly was justice in the world.
xxxx
It was all over now.
For so long, Kalin had wanted to lose, to be sent to Malcolm's side of the mine to be tortured. Now, thanks to Malcolm and his brother Lawton, he was finally there. Yusei and Radley were with him too, but he barely processed or cared about that. Finally, he could suffer as he was supposed to. While Yusei stared with silent anger as Malcolm's guards whipped and shocked the prisoners, and as Radley started to physically shake in terror, Kalin could only feel relief. This was where he belonged. At last, he would meet his end here.
And Radley broke. He had struggled to be strong all through this nightmare, pushing back against Malcolm and his men and reaching out to Kalin despite constantly being rebuffed. He hadn't even exploded when Kalin had broke his heart on Valentine's Day or when he had admitted the depth of his feelings later. But this . . . this was too much on top of everything else. He grabbed Kalin, shaking him as he screamed and ranted. Kalin had lost, maybe on purpose, and now this was their reality forever.
"This is all your fault!" he barked. "Now we're stranded here for the rest of our lives, breaking our backs day and night!"
Kalin just let himself be shook. Radley was completely hysterical. Kalin had never seen the older man like this before. All that Radley had worked for, fought for, loved for, was gone. The town and the mine had fallen. The Bunch had joined Malcolm in fear. Kalin had rejected every overture of friendship. Radley had nothing left. If Kalin was even as he had been earlier that day, it would have dug hard into his heart to see calm, kind Radley driven to such an outburst. At the moment, he was too relieved to suffer to really care.
"Say something!" Radley demanded more than once. "Say something!"
But Kalin didn't. There was nothing to say, nothing he wanted to say. And that seemed to bother Radley the most.
For some reason, Yusei did not interfere or try to pull Radley away. Instead, he let Radley yell until the guards pried them apart and one of them dug his fingers painfully into Radley's hair.
Kalin was outwardly unaffected, but inwardly something pierced his heart. Radley had seemed strong, but he was weak deep down, just like Kalin had always known. They were alike.
As the guard forced Radley away, Kalin only watched briefly before turning his attention to the fate that awaited him now. In suffering as he was meant to do, he would finally find release.
As for Radley, well, Kalin had dragged him down with him, just as he had warned. Whatever they could have had together was past. Radley saw Kalin for who he was and now he knew that they would never be friends. He wasn't likely to forgive Kalin for this.
But that was alright. It was all Kalin deserved.
And Yusei . . . Yusei didn't deserve it, but he was stranded now too. In Kalin's right mind he wouldn't have stood for that. As it was, he was too swallowed up in depression and despair to care. Embracing his own penance seemed the most important thing.
Kalin turned his attention to the pick and swung at the wall. It was heavier than he had thought it would be. That was all the better, though. Kalin was in terrible physical condition, in spite of Radley's efforts to keep him well-nourished. His suffering now would be all the more pronounced.
Good.
xxxx
So much had changed so fast.
Yusei hadn't accepted their capture and had been planning their escape all along. To Kalin's outrage, Yusei forced him out of the mine as soon as they had a moment to themselves where escape was possible. All his planning, all his longing for months had been spoiled! Kalin saw red. He attacked Yusei in rage and grief, just as Radley had with him earlier that night. But when they rolled down the mountain into the cemetery and Kalin saw all the rows and rows of graves, new horror pierced him through to his heart. It was all as Radley had said, how Kalin's dislike of him had been hypocritical in light of what Kalin himself was doing. Kalin had only thought of himself, and there was the proof of what it had led to. Maybe none of the graves were directly Kalin's fault, but in his tortured mind, all of them were.
Kalin had an epiphany that night, both from that sight and from Nico and West talking to him and Yusei right on the heels of that. Crash Town had to be saved, just as Radley had kept saying. He had to step up again and be the leader he had once been in order to set it free. He and Yusei were the only ones who could do it.
The following day was a whirlwind of emotions and disasters. Several times he and Yusei both came close to death thanks to Lawton, who was far more treacherous than even Malcolm. The kids were in and out of danger. The father they had strived so hard to find and bring back sacrificed himself to save them and Kalin. That was another crushing blow. But Yusei brought Kalin out of his new wave of anguish and together they and the arriving Crow and Jack finally beat Lawton down for good.
The Enforcers had reunited and Crash Town was free.
As for Kalin, his mind was clearer than it had been in a long time. He was not cured, but he had found new purpose in life that would push him on into the future. He would no longer seek death, but would live his life as best as he could to protect others.
Right now, there was much work to be done.
xxxx
The mine was dark and cold. The machinery had been stopped with the arrival of Sector Security, so the main sounds were officers calling to each other as they rounded up prisoners. The prisoners were grateful and in awe to be rescued, and some of them called joyously to the police as they ran or stumbled over. Some were too badly injured to run.
Kalin's blood ran chill as he walked down the corridors, making sure everyone was safe. Everyone on Malcolm's side of the mine had been brutally tortured, to Kalin's horror. But those from Radley's side of the mine were healthy and well. Radley had told Kalin he never hurt his miners, and now Kalin finally had the proof of that. But . . . as for Radley himself . . . he had been left on Malcolm's side after their capture and not rescued when Yusei had escaped with a highly unwilling Kalin. They had planned to rescue everyone after the kids had talked to them, but . . . after so many hours, would it be too late for some of them?
The kid who had fallen into Radley's custody had been one of those recovered perfectly well, and he had fought and cursed Sector Security just like Kalin had known he would. But to Kalin's sickened surprise, he had defended Radley to everyone and insisted he was good. Radley had indeed started to get through to him with his approach. Kalin had not expected that at all, and it only hurt him worse to hear the defense from a kid who had known Radley much less than Kalin had. Kalin had been the immovable one.
Kalin hadn't spoke at all after separating from the Sector Security officers. If they knew who he really was and what havoc he had once wreaked against them, they didn't say. He certainly hadn't been about to volunteer the information. He had, however, been thinking a lot on the irony of it all. Who would have ever imagined that one day he and Sector Security would be on the same side? It would have been the greatest insult to even insinuate such a thing in the past. And now, here they were.
He was so far removed from those days, from that side of himself. Who even was Kalin Kessler anymore? He was coming back from the brink of death, from feeling like he was a shell of a ghost, but this life was so strange and new.
At least protecting people was something he understood. That was his original goal with defeating the other Duel Gangs as the leader of the Enforcers. But he had fallen, swallowed up in the wonderful and amazing feeling of power. After a lifetime of feeling helpless, suddenly he had been in control and he had wanted more. He had caused the downfall of the Enforcers and had lost all of his friends. Only . . . they had still cared. And if he hadn't believed Yusei had betrayed him, he wouldn't have been reborn as a Dark Signer when he died. He wouldn't have tried to destroy the world.
He wouldn't have come here. . . .
He would have died being starved to death by Sector Security and that would have been that.
He paused, resting a hand on a wooden beam. That was a numbing revelation. Did that mean he had to be grateful for all the Hell he had put Yusei through, because who knew what would have happened to this town and these people if he hadn't come here and gained the motivation to save them?
His fingers gripped the pillar tighter. He could never be grateful for what he had done to Yusei. But . . . he had done some good here. Hopefully the people would be able to take what he had done and expand on it and learn from it. They could definitely rebuild their town. Recovering emotionally and mentally from the mines would be much harder. Kalin certainly wasn't an expert on that; he still had his own demons to struggle with. But maybe someone could help. . . .
His heart caught in his throat when he saw a motionless body laying just up ahead. He was turned away from Kalin, but the leather jacket and smooth black hair with some of the pieces curling up was unmistakable. Kalin knew him.
He ran over and dropped down. "Radley . . . !"
Radley had just collapsed, hadn't he? He had been overworked, but he was still alive. . . .
Kalin's heart jumped in his throat when there was no rise and fall of Radley's shoulder. No response, no breath. He was gone. That wasn't at all what Kalin had thought he would find. It wasn't what he wanted. Suddenly nothing was right and there was a new nightmare left in the wake of Lawton's barbarism. This couldn't be fixed.
"No . . . no, this can't be real," Kalin rasped. "Radley!" In desperation he shook the other man. He wanted to be scolded, yelled at, told to stop it and to leave him alone.
But he wasn't.
His hands shaking, Kalin turned Radley onto his back and pried his mouth open. Still nothing. Kalin breathed tirelessly and desperately into his ex-boss's lungs, but he remained still. The leader of Radley's Bunch was dead.
Kalin rocked back, just staring at him. He looked badly beaten; he was bruised and bleeding in multiple spots over his body, including his hands. His shirt was pulled up, revealing several sore ribs and more blood. Most likely, however, the final blows had come from the wicked shock collar around his neck. It was still sizzling, overloaded with electricity beyond both its and Radley's endurance. But this was not a fate Kalin could stand to see him suffer. It was not deserved, not right. Now that Kalin was in his right mind, he understood it, admitted it. And it was shattering him, just like Virgil had prophesied so long ago. All of his bottled-up feelings were spilling out.
"I thought you would be alright!" he cried in grief. "I never thought, never dreamed . . . ! Radley, please!" he begged. "I know I have no right, but . . . please don't do this. Please . . . don't leave me! You tried so hard to reach out to me and I wouldn't have any of it. I didn't know what to make of you . . . and I thought you were better off staying away from me if you really were good . . . so I wounded you over and over. I pretended I didn't see the way you looked at me, but I did! I did. . . ." He choked on a sob. "I didn't appreciate you while you were here, and now that you're gone, all I want is to have you back! I won't be in your way; I'll leave like I should have done weeks ago, if you would only come back. . . ." His voice lowered in his helplessness and sorrow. "Please . . . don't go where I can't follow. . . ."
The cold irony hit him hard. Kalin had wanted to die, while Radley had wanted to live. Now Radley was lying dead and Kalin wished he was dead too. But he didn't deserve to go to the good afterlife where Radley surely would have gone. He wouldn't be able to go there if he tried. There was no way to get Radley back, no way to talk to him or be with him again. Kalin had finally driven him away while he yet lived and now he was lost to Kalin forever, in every way possible.
It was so wrong to see him laying there, to know he wasn't just asleep or even unconscious. He looked like he was. Any moment Kalin expected him to open his eyes and laugh and say, "I fooled you!"
Not that he really thought Radley was the type to play such a cruel trick anyway. He hated tricks and pranks in general. Certainly he would never do something so heartless. His heart had been huge and full. So many had misjudged him, Kalin included. But . . . thinking back on things now, with his mind clear, he saw the truth. All the times Radley had seemed to be kind and thoughtful and looking after the town had been real. He hadn't been acting and he hadn't fallen to the darkness as Kalin had. He had been good. The town had been lucky to have him.
Even now, though, Radley had left mysteries in his wake. For some reason he was holding a pick in his limp hand. Had he been carrying it ever since escaping the guards?
Gently Kalin removed the pick and lifted Radley into his arms. What had happened here? Had Radley tried to defend himself against the guards with the pick? It certainly hadn't worked. Maybe . . . maybe he had been too hurt to wield it properly. The guards had been laughing about overloading his collar beyond what the other prisoners had been dealing with.
Kalin shut his eyes tightly and held the lifeless man close. Radley had proved himself a worthy leader, trying to look after others as Kalin had started out trying to do years ago. He had been defeated unfairly by Lawton and abandoned by his friends out of fear—and out of self-destruction on Kalin's part. Now he was gone and Kalin's heart was broken.
"Radley," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. I . . ."
He trailed off with a choked sob. No apologies could ever make this right. Kalin had refused to admit it to himself, but he had come to care deeply about Radley over the past two months. If he had been rescued with them, he would still be alive. Instead, it was too late.
And new horror stabbed into his heart. He had dreamed about Radley's fate sometime back. He had seen Radley run out of the mine with the shock collar sparking around his neck, demanding to know why Kalin had left him and pleading for him not to. Kalin had dismissed the dream as nonsense, but now, seeing the lifeless body in his arms, it was obvious it wasn't. It had been a warning. Kalin hadn't heeded it and now Radley was gone.
"No," he choked out. "No. . . . How could I have been so blind? I kept saying you were a fool, but it was me. It was me!"
He cried, laying a hand in Radley's hair. Radley had longed so much for Kalin to be affectionate, but Kalin had never reciprocated while awake. Now Radley only had it when he couldn't even feel it or share in it. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right. And as far as Kalin was concerned, it was all his fault.
"Radley?"
Kalin went stock-stiff at the weak, familiar voice. "Jordan?!" He looked around in disbelief.
A hand shakily gripped a nearby wall. "Kalin?"
Kalin laid Radley back on the ground and got up, going over to the hand. Jordan was laying in a mine cart around the corner. His collar was off, sparking on the ground, and he was breathing heavily, badly injured from the fall Kalin had seen him take earlier that day.
It felt like another lifetime.
"What happened?!" Kalin demanded. "I thought . . . we all thought you were dead!"
"I fell in here," Jordan said with a weak smirk. "Radley came and found me and tried to help me. He was too weak from the torture to push me far and the collar activated again." He grimaced. "He thought he might be able to get the collar undone if he put the tip of the pick in there and wiggled it around. It hadn't worked on his own collar, but it did for mine. He got it off just as some guards caught up with us. I told him to save himself, but he just laughed and said they'd catch him anyway; he was too hurt to run. So he . . . he just limped out and distracted them so they wouldn't find me. He mocked them and swung the pick at them and they . . . they ganged up on him. I heard them beating him and turning on his collar. I tried to call out and get them to stop, but I . . . I passed out." He looked away in guilt. "He's dead, isn't he?"
"Yes," Kalin rasped.
Jordan looked devastated. "I never wanted that to happen. . . ."
"I didn't either," Kalin said sadly. He took out his phone. "I'll call for help. . . ."
Instead he stared at the device for a long moment. Radley had given it to him for swift communication if needed. He ran his fingers over the screen. He hadn't appreciated it at the time, of course. But now . . .
He swallowed the lump in his throat and dialed Trudge's number.
xxxx
The attitude in Crash Town was mixed that night. The people were overjoyed to be free, but brokenhearted to learn that Radley was dead. He had tried to protect them from Malcolm as best as he could, and even though he had fallen to Lawton's unfair one-turn-kill duel, they still cared about him.
Yusei still didn't know the full story as he wandered the streets in search of Kalin. He wasn't sure why Kalin had made himself so scarce after returning from the mines. It was definitely a lot to take in, however. He had probably needed time alone to process it. So many people were hurt and others dead. But Kalin had given all the living a new reason to hope, just as he had for everyone in the Satellite those long years ago. Yusei's hope now was that Kalin had re-found himself as the leader Yusei knew he could still be.
Kalin was still different than he had been then, of course. How could he be the same after all he had gone through? The Kalin Yusei remembered was extroverted and happy, always with a new idea for adventure and improving lives. Kalin now was introverted and sad, still struggling to climb out of the abyss of depression that had plagued him since his return to life. But Yusei saw in him the flames of justice that had spurred his war against the Duel Gangs in Satellite. They had been cruel and sadistic, oppressing the innocent at every turn. Kalin had inspired the Enforcers to become the strongest Duel Gang in turn so that they could topple all the others and free the people as much as they could be freed. His subsequent war on Sector Security had initially been for that reason too. Yusei still believed that had been the driving factor and not simply a thirst for power. Kalin had always been better than that. If he had wanted power, it was because he had believed that was how to best help the people. He had snapped because of his rage over how Sector Security treated those in the Satellite, and then because of believing Yusei had betrayed him.
Would everything have been different had Yusei not come up with his plan? Apparently Sector Security had already known Kalin was the leader. He would have been taken regardless. But . . . him becoming a Dark Signer out of his feelings of betrayal, that wouldn't have happened.
. . . Would he be dead now? They didn't know what had happened to him in the Facility when he had been reported dead, but Yusei suspected foul play, and Crow no doubt did too. Prison reform had only started to happen in the last few months. Before that, the majority of the staff in the Facility had been brutal. Yusei had seen it firsthand.
He didn't know what to think of these dark thoughts. Kalin had a new chance at life, but in order to get it, he'd become a Dark Signer first. From what Yusei had seen, Kalin would never fully recover from that. He could only hope and pray that Kalin would recover enough to be able to find some happiness again. Yusei would support him through it all, no matter what Kalin decided to do with his life.
He started as a girl around his age stumbled past, sobbing uncontrollably. "What's wrong?" he frowned in concern. Had someone she loved died in the mines? They sadly hadn't been able to rescue everyone. Malcolm's brutality had killed so many.
"R-Radley!" she choked out. "Radley is dead!"
That wasn't what Yusei had expected to hear. ". . . You cared about him?" he asked.
"We all did!" she insisted. "But Kalin . . ." She trailed off.
"What about Kalin?" Yusei prompted.
"He never cared about Radley no matter how much Radley tried to reach out to him!" she spat in sorrow. "Only . . . he went by carrying Radley in his arms. He looked so lost. . . ." Confusion shone in her eyes.
Alarm bells went off in Yusei's heart. "Which way did he go?" he demanded.
"He took Radley in the diner," she said. "It's just up ahead, the big blue-and-white building."
"Thanks." Yusei hurried off, his heart gathering speed as he ran. If Kalin looked lost, then Yusei had the sinking feeling that he had cared much more than it might have appeared.
The diner was quiet on the first floor. Yusei checked every room, to no avail. The main room, the kitchen, the banquet hall, the arcade, the lounge . . . all were eerily empty, despite being lit up. It was like people had been there only moments before and might return at any time. Increasingly worried now, Yusei headed up the stairs to the second floor. All the lights were on and one door stood open. He approached, staying quiet as he tried to listen for any sounds. There were none, but finally, Yusei was at the end of his search. Kalin had laid Radley on the couch in the room and was just sitting and staring at him, lost in thought. He never looked up as Yusei approached.
"Kalin?" Yusei quietly asked. "Trudge told me about your call. A girl I met said you were coming here."
"He was like me, Yusei," Kalin said, his voice showing he was far away from all of this. "The Bunch was like the Enforcers, a close family that didn't last. Only instead of the leader betraying everyone else, everyone else betrayed him."
"Kalin . . ." Yusei came closer. "They couldn't have been like us. We were trying to save the Satellite . . ."
"And they were trying to save this town!" Kalin cut in. "They weren't just greedy. They were trying to protect Crash Town from Malcolm. Everyone turned on Radley and he was angry and hurt, but he didn't want revenge. He actually had the situation that drove me out of my mind when I only thought it was happening, and he died saving someone else, not trying to kill me or any of the Bunch or get back at us in any way! I thought he was weak, but he was strong! He was still strong after everything and he died a hero. . . ." He reached for Radley's blistered and scraped hand and held it close. "I'm so sorry, Radley. I'm so sorry. . . ."
Yusei's heart twisted in horror. This was so much to take in all at once. Radley was innocent? And from Kalin's grief and sorrow, he wasn't just hurting because he had misjudged someone and it had led, even if indirectly, to his death. He was hurting because he cared deeply about Radley on top of all of that. Yusei knew him well enough to recognize it.
". . . I'm sorry too," he said sadly. "If I'd realized, I never would have left without him."
"It's my fault," Kalin said. "If I hadn't been so selfish, we both would have saved him! You had to spend all your energy worrying about me!"
"You weren't well, Kalin," Yusei said. "That's why I was so worried to get you out of there!"
"And can I ever be well now?" Kalin stared at Radley's lifeless body. "My actions have led to this, to killing someone I love . . . like I love you."
Yusei reeled at the horror and heartbreak of that statement. It was even worse than he had thought. He was one of Kalin's dearest friends, and always the one Kalin had been closest to. Kalin considering someone else on that level was a huge thing. For a long time he didn't speak, still trying to process it. "Kalin . . . you didn't kill him," he said at last.
"Yes, I did!" Kalin broke, sobbing as he cradled the limp hand. "I killed him a little more each day I rejected him. Now we left him behind because of me and he's dead! Malcolm ordered him killed and he's gone!"
All Yusei could do was helplessly hold him close and cry with him.
xxxx
Kalin's tears finally subsided, but he looked absolutely empty as he gazed at Radley and gently brushed his hair away from his face. That one stubborn piece of hair fell right back.
Yusei was still hugging Kalin close to him, one arm drawn around Kalin's shoulders. He had rarely seen Kalin this vulnerable. It wasn't something he had ever wanted to see again.
For the most part, Kalin hadn't spoke. Yusei wasn't sure he had ever seen Kalin cry until earlier that day, when they had awakened in the ravine. It was haunting, horrible. To see him just sobbing his heart out in grief and guilt and heartbreak now was an image that would live with Yusei forever. Radley could have been saved, but he hadn't been. And would Kalin be able to stand it with him gone, especially under these circumstances? Yusei didn't know. He was afraid to know.
"Kalin, I'm so sorry," he said at last. "I should have looked for him."
"You were worried about me," Kalin said. "It's my fault. It's all my fault." He dug a hand into his hair.
"It's not your fault," Yusei insisted. "You weren't thinking clear. You can't be held responsible."
"I hold myself responsible," Kalin said bitterly. "Now that it's too late, I'm remembering so many things I did that were horrible and hurtful. He felt bad that I didn't seem to be loyal to him. I admitted I wasn't. I didn't resent working for someone else, like I probably would have years ago, but I was so caught up in my own selfish desires that I thought nothing of Radley's feelings or of what he was trying to do to help the town. Worse, he wanted to be friends and I wouldn't let him in! I wanted to, but I pushed him away for his own good!"
Yusei's shoulders drooped. ". . . He probably understands now why you acted the way you did," he said at last.
"That doesn't make me feel better that I did it!" Kalin drew a shaking breath and shut his eyes tightly. ". . . I'm sorry, Yusei. I don't want to snap at you." He leaned forward, still grasping Radley's hand. "I've hurt enough people already, and I've hurt you more times than I can even remember. I . . ."
Yusei laid a hand on Kalin's shoulder. "It's okay, Kalin." He moved to get up. "Do you want some time alone with him? I can go downstairs."
". . . Yes," Kalin said after a moment of reflection. "I would like that."
Yusei nodded. "Just call when you need me." He headed for the door.
"Yusei . . . do you know where the Bunch is?" Kalin asked. "Trudge hasn't been able to find them."
"I don't know," Yusei said. "I can try to look for them. . . ."
"I don't know if they know about Radley," Kalin said. "Maybe they do and they left to grieve, but they need to be told if they don't know. They joined Malcolm out of fear when Radley lost, but I know they still care about him."
"I'll try to find them," Yusei promised. "I'll tell Crow and Jack too." He quietly slipped out of the room.
Kalin watched him go before morosely turning back to Radley. "I pushed you away because I thought that would be better for you," he whispered. "Instead, I made everything so much worse! If I'd let you in . . . if I'd only told Yusei about you . . . everything would no doubt be different.
"You thought you'd failed, that I was completely unmoved by you, but you were wrong! You were right the first times, when you kept believing in me. I wanted to be with you so much . . . but I squandered it all. If I could only have that time back . . . if I could redo the last 48 hours and do it right, I . . ."
He sobbed. There was no way to reverse time. If there was, he could have changed becoming a Dark Signer and hurting Yusei and everyone else. Radley never would have met him and his life would have been so much happier for it.
Kalin's, though . . . without Radley, something would have been missing. To know Radley, to really know him, was to be forever touched by him and to love him. He had left a bright light on Kalin's heart that had pierced through all the darkness of the depression and self-hatred.
Now it was extinguished and Kalin had never felt so lost.