Author's note

After over two years I decided to update this fic at the request of PolgaraRoseTheBloodSorceress. (Thank you once again for your message:) ) In Polish, my mother tongue, this story is finished, but it's really long. So if there is anyone who likes this story I would be grateful for some feedback, because translation takes some time, even if I'm not a perfect translator :)

Chapter III

The fear of existence

She hit an invisible wall with her fist. She was trembling, when she watched the fight taking place behind the impenetrable barrier. She knew what was going to happen. She was aware that there was no way she could prevent it, but she had been still hitting the magical, transparent wall. A trickle of blood ran across her hand, but she didn't pay attention to it. Not when three men were attacking a single person right before her eyes. At the first glance of view one could have seen that attacked man was a powerful fighter, but his opponents were just too strong. As a result of a perfectly synchronized offensive the man was receiving a blow after blow. She felt her protector was getting weaker and weaker and she couldn't have done anything to help him. Suddenly the time slowed down its flow. She watched helplessly how one of foe's sword breaks through his chest. How second one hits another vital spot followed by the third one. She saw him triggering a shock wave which blasted away his opponents. The blood started to flow copiously when he pulled out one of the swords. She watched how sapphire eyes are losing their spark… how his limp body slowly sinks to the ground…

'Zelgadis!'

She woke up drenched in a sweat. She sat down, panting heavily. Looking at the darkness, she hugged herself and started repeat in a whispering voice: 'It's a past. It's a fucking past. He is alive… It won't happen again…' She closed her eyes in order to help herself to calm down. But as soon as her lids closed, she saw his lifeless body. She took few deeper breathes, but it didn't help much. This dream was so realistic… So reminding of her reality from 1000 years ago. Only when she managed to relax a bit, she felt his calm magical aura. Without second thought she got up and left a small room and went a long a short corridor leading to the second bedroom. Silently but without hesitation she pushed the door. She knew he wouldn't be asleep. He had always been able to sense her uneasiness, so she wasn't surprised when she saw him awake and looking in her direction. She didn't answer this unvoiced question, but she came closer to him. She sat next to him and leaned her head against his torso. She was listening intently to his steady heartbeat. That was enough to chase away painful images flooding her mind. Only if it was only for a moment. After few seconds she felt his hands closed her in a gentle embrace.

'What's happened?' He asked in a whisper. He was trying not to show a concern in his voice. She was silent for a moment before she answered.

'Can I stay?' She remarked shortly. It was only a single question. But it contained a lot of unsaid things which were immediately understood. He didn't have to answer her verbally. It was more than enough that he hugged tighter.

'Mr. Nels Rada, I'm terribly sorry, but your daughter's health has deteriorated. If this trend continues…' The young doctor was speechless, when he looked in eyes of a careworn father, who couldn't believe his beloved child was going to leave this world very soon. Over a dozen years earlier he lost his wife, and now fates wanted to take away his greatest treasure. What was frustrating to him the most, was the fact no doctor knew what was the cause of a continuous weakening of a young girl.

'It's possible that after next control we will have to start a permanent hospitalization.' The doctor added quietly. His eyes were full of a sincere concern and resignation. He had always wanted to prove that science can subject nature to humanity's will. Fate's irony caused he met on his way a person medicine couldn't cure. That's how a young defiant student became a cautious in his judgments, respected medic.

'Thank you.' Eruk Nels Rada answered weakly. This phrase became his automatic response. He could only sit motionlessly. All of sudden he saw a shadow of a woman on shutters covering the windows of the medical office.

'Sylphiel!' He cried and ran towards the door. He opened it, but it was too late. His daughter was nowhere to be found.

She had known it for ages. It was her organism. She knew her limits better than anyone, but when she heard the words no one had ever verbalized in her presence, she started to tremble. When she heard the voice of her father she reacted instinctively. She didn't want anyone to see her like that. She had always been trying to hide her fears deep inside her heart, but right now, when the truth stood before her, she couldn't welcome it with opened arms. She thought she was ready for this, but how could she accept such truth? Especially when she still didn't confess her feelings… Time passed so quickly, and what did she do? The answer was short: nothing. She told herself that next time she would succeed, that next time a right opportunity would occur. At first she was convinced that only watching him would be enough for her. That knowledge that he was happy would fill the emptiness in her heart. If only she could have observed him for a long time, maybe it would be enough... But right now, she didn't want to be forgotten. All of sudden, she felt a strong, egoistic desire to leave something behind her, even if it meant to inflict a pain on someone.

She was quickly panting, which forced her to slow down. She looked around to make sure no one followed her. Fortunately, she was alone. Without any hesitation she went towards the place she had always visited when she was still attending the school. That was an old building on the outskirts of High School of Seyrun Academy next to training grounds, where she could freely observe the school club of Kendo. That was the place when she saw him for the first time. She was unable to rationally explain this feeling, but she was sure she knew him. At first she was only watching the unaware man, but the longer it lasted, she was being pulled towards him more and more. And one day she realized she fell in love with a man she had never talked to. When she learnt she was gravely ill, she promised herself she would pluck up her courage and confess.

Months were passing, her health was deteriorating, and she was still waiting for a better opportunity. And now she may not be able to wait…

The grim weather changed very little since the weekend's storm, so it was no surprise when the sky was once again covered by the dark clouds. People of Seyrun could hear a gentle droplets hitting numerous buildings. But no one could hear the falling tears merging with rain.

'Long time no see, Zelgadis.' Said merrily an old man with a white beard, lifting his head from his desk. Hiruzenkai closed the door and sat on the nearby chair.

'Good afternoon, Rodimus.' The young man answered.

'What happened you left your cephieleu on her own?' Rodimus asked out of pure curiosity.

Zelgadis only smirked.

'As you said she is cephieleu. She can take care of herself.'

'Wait a second, she has just awaken.' The old man was really confused.

'That's right. But she is Lina. Maybe she hasn't regained her full power yet, but her magic is almost completely stable.' He remarked proudly.

'Her power maybe yes, but how is she feeling? Does she have her memories back? I mean those concerning the Final Spell?'

Those words made Zelgadis serious again.

'No. Her memories break off when she runs after the Princess. I can only speculate Lina started an incantation of something more powerful than Dragon Slave, which weakened the enemy so that the Princess could cast the Final Spell.

Rodimus was musing his words.

'Saigen mael, the final spell casted by the Princess. It's really amazing no one could examine the true nature of this spell for this 1000 years.' The older man sighted. ' We only know it was a revival spell. Every syenleu, hiruzenkai and few other people were brought back to life after a whole millennium. Memory was sealed with power. Return of memory causes return of power, return of power causes return of power. Hiruzenkai should awaken first and then find their syenleu. And when three syenleu meet, the Princess should awaken. But we still don't know what can trigger the awakening. Unfortunately, unless a person awakens, they won't reappear in your memories even if you've awaken. And why did it last 1000 years? I've never heard about more complicated protecting spell.'

'We are working on it. Do you remember last Saturday's storm? We are both almost sure that's when one of syenleu awakened. Since then she has been blocking her energy and we are unable to find her, but the most important is that she is alive. But, I haven't come all this way to talk on this topic.' The younger man responded a bit coldly.

Rodimus made a tired expression.

'Zelgadis, give it a rest. You have more pressing things on your mind.'

'One doesn't exclude the other.'

'You cannot let it go?'

In Zelgadis' eyes appeared a glint of hatred and anger.

'I'll never forgive him. And if he was reborn as well, there must be a meaning of it.'

Rodimus sighted heavily. He saw the Red Priest only once, when many years ago he left Zelgadis in his care. His appearance in Zelgadis' life caused a slow, painful awakening. Once again he had to experience the dreadful transformation, which was the reason of nightmares in the past. The old man understood the trauma of this small boy, but this feeling trough all those years was ousted by hatred, which turned later into thirst for vengeance.

'Unfortunately I know nothing new about Rezo.' He answered in a resigned voice.

Sapphire eyes narrowed unpleasantly.

'I see.' Zelgadis said shortly, after which he went towards the door.

'Zelgadis, what does your cephieleu think about it?' Rodimus asked mischievously.

'My cephieleu doesn't have to know about everything.' Zelgadis answered with a sneer before he left.

Rodimus sighted once again and looked behind a window. Once again the sky was covered by dark clouds. First droplets of rain appeared on the glass. They were falling slowly, just like flowing down a cheek tears.

Seyrun had always been a dynamically developing country. Researchers divided its history on two eras: the dark one and the light one. One could think that such naming meant that Seyrun at first experienced a very hard period, which was followed by a calm and prosperous one. It would be a quite rational explanation, but the truth was much simpler. In reality the light era was a period which was well studied and described in the contrast with the dark era. The dark era was one big enigma. No one knew what happened over 1000 years ago. Books from that period were mostly destroyed and the only historical source was word of mouth, but almost no one believed in those fairy tales. According to them ruins located in the center of Seyrun city were the remnants of a palace destroyed during the Sarienhal war. Some buildings were renovated and used as headquarter of city government. But the middle part of palace complex couldn't be rebuilt. The main problem was a lake, on middle of which was situated the Royal Palace. The water seemed to interfere in every plan of building crews. In unknown circumstances the supporting pillars were sinking. After few attempts the mayor of Seyrun city abandoned plans of managements of central ruins and since then no one had disturbed its peace. That's why an average citizen of Seyrun would be very surprised to see a young man with hair in color of aquamarine standing in the middle of secluded ruins.

He was fearlessly sitting on a high column which was close to collapsing. His golden eyes wandered towards the setting sun, against which appeared a blond woman with blue irises.

'Valgaarv.' She said quietly, landing gracefully on the ground.

'Filia. Oh hello, how are you doing?' He said with a sneer in his voice.

'Oh, let's see…' She pretended to think really hard, after which she fixed a cold gaze on him. 'Maybe I'm wondering why some hiruzenkai didn't stop his awakening syenleu from almost destroying the whole Seyrun city? Especially that he regained his memory and power and was fully aware what could have happened if syenleu wouldn't regain a control over her power?'

'Well, that would be a serious reason for such musings if syenleu was really confronting a hiruzenkai. But if she was confronting a normal boy, it would sound really ridiculous.' He answered and looked back.

Blue eyes of Filia narrowed with anger.

'Is that everything you have to tell me? That you just don't care? Regained memories mean so little to you?'

The man reacted much more violently than she expected, when in the blink of the eye she found herself pinned to the wall.

'You are the last person to blame me for anything!' He growled. 'Because of those memories I'm not going to be any fucking hiruzenkai!'

'What are you talking about?' Asked the confused girl.

'Do you think I have no idea you had a romance with an enemy?' He asked smirking.

'Are you fucking insane?' She hissed, but she couldn't hide a small blush covering her cheeks.

'Don't play dumb. After all, you didn't need me during your awakening, did you? Tell me, who helped you?'

'There is nothing between us. He helped me, because he had his reasons. That was your responsibility, Valgaarv.' She said coldly. 'Besides, the fact that I don't reciprocate your feelings doesn't mean I fell in love with enemy. You have duties to fulfill, so don't act childishly.' She added vindictively.

Hearing it he hit angrily the wall with his fists right next to her head.

Filia looked at her so called protector with a hint of fear.

'Why?' He hissed fixing intensive gaze on her. '1000 years ago I told myself I'm a hiruzenkai and under the leadership of our feckless cephieleu I'll be fulfilling my duties. And see what happened? I'm not going to repeat my past mistakes, Filia.' He took hold of her chin and lowered his head. 'This time I'm going to do whatever I want.' He whispered. Their faces were so close Filia blushed.

'What ar-e you do-ing?' She stuttered.

'Whatever I want.' He replied and planted a soft kiss on her lips. A moment later he stabbed her in the stomach with an ice blade. Syenleu immediately coughed with blood. She felt an unpleasant wave of coldness in her whole body. 'The sealing spell? Casted by Valgaarv?' She was thinking in shock while looking at her hiruzenkai in disbelief. She could have done nothing else. The world was spinning and becoming blurry right before her eyes. She was losing her strengths and consciousness.

The young man watched how the woman, he pledged to protect at the cost of his life, was falling on the ground. After few seconds the body of syenleu was covered in ice which turned into a big, white sarcophagus. When the seal was complete Valgaarv reached his hand, which made appear a small ball of golden light. The man went towards the magical sphere, but he couldn't resist looking at the icy coffin for the last time before he disappeared.

Monday's morning wasn't a nice experience for Lina. The girl didn't even suspect, that whole school was gossiping about the biggest feminist in school going out with a new transfer student. The fact she came with Zelgadis this morning only fueled this gossip. As soon as the pair entered the school, they could hear whispers and lively discussions. Her hiruzenkai didn't seem to care about it, but Lina started to feel nervous. She was afraid of reaction of Rika, as she was the only person who knew Lina spent whole weekend outside her dorm. Cephieleu knew her friend well, and was aware of her scary imagination. Only after she split up with Zelgadis she heard an ominous hiss behind her back.

'Liiiiiinaaaaa Inveeeerssssse.'

Yeah. Only Rika was able to emit such sounds. Lina jumped and turned around to look at her friend.

'Hi, Rika.' She said silently praying this stupid girl wouldn't ask about this weekend. But looking at the slightly narrowed eyes of the girl expressing unbridled curiosity, the sorceress lost all hope.

'You told me, you don't know him. That you aren't interested in him. And now what? How could you not tell me something like that? Our friendship doesn't mean anything to you? Don't you trust me at all?' Rika stage-whispered, performing at the same time exaggerated dramatic poses.

That was when Lina started to feel slight irritation.

'Stop spluttering nonsense!' Barked blushing red-head. 'It turned out we know each other after all, even if I didn't recognized him at once. Zelgadis is my… let's say childhood friend.' It wasn't a lie. It did happen. Maybe 1000 years ago, but it was an irrelevant detail. 'And during weekend we talked about our past. And that's it, so stop making those stupid faces!' At the end Lina started to fume as her friend looked at her suspiciously.

'Talking, eh?' Rika asked nastily. 'And what about the night? Did you also… talk? Eh?'

In the blink of an eye Lina was red as tomato.

'I have no idea what you are talking about.' Cephieleu answered.

'Oh no! I haven't expected it, Lina Inverse!' The brown-haired girl started to scream. People started to stop to look at the source of the commotion. That was too much for Lina.

'Oooooouccch!' A groan of a sore blond could be heard. 'What was that for?' She asked, but she remained silent under a furious gaze of Lina.

Suddenly another two girls appeared next to them.

'Oi! Lina! What's going on between you and this Zelgadis guy?' Asked unaware of the danger Eria. But before Lina started to emit another wave of violence, Minae cut in.

'Eria, leave her alone. Or do you want to end up like our silly Rika?'

Lina, no longer paying attention to them, entered a math classroom. She took her place while being aware how difficult would be focusing on lessons that day. She desired even one day without a clash with Mazoku, but she knew it would be impossible. Especially when during afternoon's activities she felt two magical impulses. She knew their meaning. Two syenleu were close to death.

Seyrun Academy was the biggest education complex in whole country. It guaranteed education on level of elementary school, secondary one and university. It offered few paths of development. Humanistic, science, social, artistic and sport. An example of the last one was Gourry Gabriev, the youngest master of Kendo in the history of the country.

Gourry Gabriev was an unusual champion. Many people with such accomplishments became vain and proud. But the blue-eyed blond had always stayed the same lad with a charming smile. The swordsman had only one flaw. His memory was… not always working as it should. Gourry could easily forget about such things that left people around him speechless. The blond could seem to be a person with a very slow brain, but this impression disappeared as soon as the man took hold of his sword. He was turning into a ruthless warrior, who used every single moment of hesitation of his opponent.

For Gourry this day didn't start in a good way. He couldn't focus on Monday's activities at all. What's more, hunger didn't help him in a really difficult task, which was for him attending theoretical classes. A restless night was a reason why the young man was late for a first lesson, which was a cause of being late for a breakfast. The results of his event were catastrophic. He looked like a half-dead man till the dinner's time. Only after three sets he started to pay attention to his best friend and rival.

'Zanlugus, what did you say?' He asked cheerfully.

'How. Many. Times. Do. I. have. To. Repeat.' The tall man with a long dark hair drawled through his teeth. 'THAT MY NAME IS ZANGULUS!' He fumed.

Gourry didn't seem to care about it in the slightest.

'And didn't I say that?'

'NO! And after 13 years of friendship you could learn my name, you stupid oaf!' Zangulus continued.

Gourry made an apologetic face, but all of sudden his expression became serious. Alarmed Zangulus looked at the blond. Something like that had happened earlier. Always smiling Gourry was becoming serious and was looking around as if looking for something. He had never known what he should think about it. He was really surprised when Gourry quickly stood up and announced:

'I'm sorry, I have to check something.'

Before Zangulus could answer him, Gourry was nowhere to be seen.

Sylphiel felt impending attack of breathlessness. As she was told, she tried to take a deep breath, slow down and lengthen the breath. After a while of using this method, she felt that pressure in the lungs slowly subsided. She leaned against a nearby tree and ignoring the surrounding streams of rain she was still watching Kendo training grounds. Her still a little watery eyes made her view a little blurry. Therefore, when she saw the outline of a high male figure, she was convinced that she was mistaken. She wiped her wet eyes and when she looked up once again, it turned out that she was right. There stood her great, unfulfilled love – Gourry Gabriev himself.

'Sylphiel?' He asked silently.

'Whhaat a-re you doing here?' She stuttered and after a moment she added. 'And how do you know my name?'

The man smiled charmingly.

'I've known it for a very long time. I wouldn't be able to forget you.' He looked directly in her eyes.

'Since when?' She asked confused while blushing slightly.

'Since 1000 years ago. But unfortunately I've found you only now.' He confessed.

'1000 years ago…' She repeated. Her gaze started to get blurry. After a moment something in her mind clicked. 'We've known each other earlier…' She said quietly. 'And even then I felt something to you, but I've never confessed. I don't want to commit this mistake once again.' Her eyes welled up with tears. 'I love you. I loved you and always will.' She whispered. She couldn't see his face, but the man went to her slowly and embraced her.

'I love you too.' He said cheerfully.

Sylphiel closed her eyes in contentment. She had finally told him! She told him! Her feeling were reciprocated! She didn't commit the very same mistake she did in the past.

'The past?' She repeated her thoughts on loud. In one moment uneasiness engulfed her. 'Who am I?'

'You are syenleu.' She heard his answer.

'And who are you?' She asked in a colder voice than before.

'I'm your beloved.' Said the man, after which she felt pain in her chest.

The young woman fell on her knees.

'Who are you?' She asked once again. Against her will she coughed with blood.

'Well, let's put it like that…' The blue eyes turned into yellowish ones, the charming smile changed into a cruel one. 'I'm someone who remind you of someone you've never confessed and never will confess your feelings, because you were afraid. You've forgotten what it means to be alive. You've became only an empty shell, an imitation of life. You are a worthless doll. Don't you think the world'll be much better without you?' Asked a person imitating Gourry Gabriev.

Her eyes glazed over with tears and after a while became completely absent. An ominous, dark aura started to engulf her.

I'm someone who remind you of someone you've never confessed and never will confess your feelings, because you were afraid. You've forgotten what it means to be alive.

It was truth. She had always been afraid of rejection, loneliness, a lack of acceptance. That was why she was silent about her true feelings. She thought that if she closed her heart, no one would hurt her. She didn't want to be a burden.

You've became only an empty shell, an imitation of life. You are a worthless doll.

Was she like that? Her existence held no value? Was she just an imitation of life? Was she a part of anyone's life? Would anyone cry if she passed away?

Don't you think the world'll be much better without you?

'I think so…' A gentle whisper could be heard before an aura surrounding the young woman became a pillar of dark, destructive energy.