Chapter 17

Severus avoided her eyes and kept silent, but Skyrah wasn't having any of it.

"I need to know why you act like that, Severus. Are you afraid of me? I'm Voldemort's daughter, after all. It's understandable."

She was the one showing vulnerability now. Severus couldn't stand to see her like that.

"I'm not afraid of you," he confessed. "I'm afraid of my feelings. I'm... I'm terrified of what you make me feel."

Her expression softened. So that was why every time he thought he was feeling too much, he assumed control. That was why he got awkward when she touched him or hugged him. Everybody is afraid of the unknown, and the thought that nobody had ever made him feel wanted and loved made her feel angry with the unfair world.

"You don't have to be afraid of feelings, Severus. You can't ignore them. You have to accept them. It took me a long time to learn that," she said with a reassuring voice as she took hold of his hand and drew patterns on his palm with her thumb. "It isn't my intention to make you feel uncomfortable."

Severus shook his head. "You don't get it… The lightest touch makes my skin burn in desire."

Something about the way he had uttered those words overwhelmed Skyrah to the point she felt a knot in her stomach. She tried to brighten up the mood by exclaiming theatrically, "Good to know I'm not the only one! I was beginning to think I was going insane!"

She expected him to give her one of his rare, tiny smiles, but he looked lost. He stared at her, looking for a trace of dishonesty.

He found none.

"I don't understand it."

"Understand what?"

He hesitated. A squeeze on his hand encouraged him to voice what had been bothering him since the moment she had confessed her feelings for him.

"I'm a broken man, Skyrah. Not only that, I have a bad temper, a dark past and a tendency to push away everything and everyone I care about. I'm not precisely good-looking either. Why do you feel attracted to me?"

"Is it so hard to believe that I could feel something for you?"

He avoided her gaze. "You deserve someone better than me."

A smack resonated across the room. Severus put his hand on his cheek and stared at his wife wide-eyed. She had just slapped him, strong enough to sting but soft enough not to leave any marks. She appeared angrier than earlier that day, with the arrival of the Malfoys. Apparently, her hormones were still affecting her moodiness.

"Severus Snape, don't you dare imply you don't deserve me. You've respected me. You've shown you care for our unborn child. You've comforted me. You've strived to do the right thing with Harry despite your past. What is there not to like?"

"I have a repulsive personality. You can't like me."

"You can't tell me what to dislike. I like you, and I'll repeat it until it gets through your thick skull. You think your bad temper will scare me? Have you not seen my temper, Severus?"

Yes, yes he had. His cheek still stung.

"And let's not get started on who has a darkest past. I assure you, I've done nasty things, too, things I'll always regret, but what matters is that I am working to be better. You are, too. Our experiences build us, good and bad ones, both. Without the bad ones you wouldn't be the Severus Snape that I fell in love with."

His stomach flipped, like every time she said what she felt for him.

"You claim that you have a tendency to push people away. For the record, I'm quite stubborn and it takes a lot of effort to truly push me away. And do you know what? I happen to like you a lot, so I'm not planning on leaving you."

He shook his head, feeling like hugging her and shoving her at the same time. Dammit. Why did she make him feel like this? Why were her words so curative?

"Stop! You don't know what you're saying!"

"No, Severus. You need to listen to me. My feelings for you are real. I like the way you crack a grin and chuckle at my stupid jokes. I like your endless sarcasm. I like the way you hold me awkwardly whenever I hug you. I like the way your breath hitches when I touch you. I like the way you look at me when you think I'm not aware of it. I like the subtle touches we have when we brew potions. I like the patience you have with my cooking skills… I like you." She paused for breath. Seeing he wouldn't speak up, she said, "You believe you are not good-looking. Why?"

Why? Was this woman asking him why he thought he was ugly? Apparently. He couldn't believe it. Was she joking? No, by the look in her eyes, she wasn't, but it was hard to believe it when he had been harassed all his life for his looks.

"One doesn't have to be very observant to see that I am tall and dark, but with the handsome part missing. My nose is hooked and too big, my lips are too thin, my skin is too pale, my hair gets greasy immediately, I'm so thin one can notice my ribs…"

"Beauty is relative. You are my perfect definition of tall, dark and handsome."

He snorted, clearly not believing a word. She hadn't lied when she said she was stubborn, though. Sooner or later, she would convince him.

"I like your nose; it suits you. Your lips are thin, but I cannot imagine you with bigger ones, and I love kissing them."

She touched his hair, and he flinched away from her, embarrassed.

"Have I ever avoided touching your hair?" He shook his head. "I don't mind it that your hair gets greasy. I think the it's the fumes spewed by the potions you brew that mess with it. I know you wash it frequently. It's not... It doesn't repulse me. You don't repulse me. I like you just the way you are, and your thin body and pale skin are no exception."

He was looking at her like she was speaking in another language. His body, after all, had been mocked all his life.

"Do you believe me? Or do you want me to take veritaserum? I totally will if you ask me to, but we'll be wasting the potion and-"

"I'm hideous, Skyrah," he cut her off. "You haven't seen me. You wouldn't be telling me that if you had."

"Don't be ridiculous!"

"You haven't seen me. I've hidden something from you."

Instead of getting even angrier, she sighed and with soft eyes, wondered, "What is it?"

He shook his head. "If I showed it to you, you'd realize what a truly ugly and unfortunate man I am."

"I think I already stated my point, Severus. I like everything about you, the good and the bad. Please show me."

He turned his head and looked at anything but his wife. Skyrah cupped his chin and leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek. He blushed, but didn't flinch away. He liked her kisses too much to pull away, even if he still couldn't believe anybody could ever find his body appealing.

"I'm not going away, Severus. But I don't want any secrets between us."

"You'll stop caring about me if you see the real me."

His voice was so broken and his eyes so tearful that Skyrah got a little frightened. She had never seen him like that. What broke her heart was that he really believed she'd leave.

"It's too late for that, Severus. I'm already in love with you."

He shut his eyes, holding back tears like the master of Occlumency he was.

"We'll see about that." He gulped, took his wand and muttered, "Finite incantatem."

The appearance of his half-naked body changed. His skin was now mutilated by nasty scars: his chest, his arms, his shoulders, his stomach… She let out a gasp not even her hand on her mouth muffled, her pupils dilated.

He scoffed, "Do you still find me attractive?"

"You are the same man, Severus. You won't convince me otherwise," she whispered, blinking back tears.

"You haven't really answered my question. These scars show my darkness, the loser in me… The monster in me."

"Who did this to you?" she asked horrified.

"Many people…"

"Then all those people are the monsters, not you, Severus. Not you."

Severus was breathing hard. He had never exposed himself like that, not even to Albus, the only one who knew his deepest secrets. He was expecting Skyrah to realize how ugly he was, to tell him that the only reason she stayed was that she had no choice. He couldn't bear the thought, let alone the real thing, so he hung his head and waited for the inevitable. Then he felt something warm and slightly ticklish on his stomach, and when she looked at her, there was compassion in her eyes. He wasn't used to be regarded like that.

"How did you get this one?"

"You don't really want to know. Don't ask."

"Don't tell me what I want or don't want to know, Severus. Just answer my question, please."

He knew she wouldn't give up (stubborn witch indeed), so he gulped and replied, "A werewolf."

She held his hand and squeezed it in encouragement.

"These ones on your back."

"Are you going to ask about them all?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I care."

She had said it with so much conviction in her voice that Severus was taken aback. Merlin. She did. She cared for him. She hadn't run away from him, not even after seeing his scars.

They stared at each other for a while.

"A belt. Tobias."

"Tobias?"

"My father."

Skyrah felt impotent when she realized just how abused Severus must have been as a child. Gathering strength, she pointed to another scar on his chest.

"This one."

They did this for all the scars. When they finished, Skyrah had tearful eyes although she hadn't let the tears fall. She was trying to be strong for him. She put her hands on his cheeks, making sure he was looking at her. And, Merlin, he leaned into her touch, her warmth. He had been so thirsty for affection, and it felt so good to finally take a sip of it.

"A monster isn't capable of love. You are not a monster. The only monster in my life is my father, and you aren't like him. These scars show the hell you had to go through to become the great man you are today; and yes, I still find you attractive. Even more now. I won't stop telling you this until you believe me. You may be stubborn, but I'm even more stubborn than you."

He kept shaking his head, lips quivering. It was too much. She was making her feel too much, and he didn't know if he could keep it all bottled anymore. His emotions were suffocating him.

"You are afraid of your feelings, but these feelings can heal you. Welcome them. Let me in your heart."

A tear escaped his eye. It was the first time he cried since Lily died.

"That's it, Severus. Cry. Let your feelings out."

He shook his head once again and said in a feeble voice as if he were an innocent child, "Tobias said crying was a sign of weakness. Snivellus... They called me that. Everybody did."

"Oh, Severus, don't you see?" she asked, kissing away the only tear he'd shed. "Those people wanted you to believe that! Will you let them win?"

Maybe it was because he had held his tears back since he was a kid. Maybe it was because he felt safe with her, or because he was tired of it all. Maybe it was because he knew she wouldn't judge him. Whatever the reason was, he started to cry silently. Skyrah held him with a hand on his head and another one on his back and rocked him back and forth while his head rested on the crook of her neck. Severus began to sob uncontrollably. He cried because of his tough childhood, because of all the shit he had to take from the marauders. He cried for the dreadful things he had witnessed and the foul things he had done to survive.

"Like this, perfect… Cry. Don't repress your feelings or they will eat you alive… Very good, Severus. Everything will be fine. I'm with you. You're not alone. I'm here."

He tightened his grip, afraid she was an illusion. He was holding her like his life depended on it and it broke her heart even more. They stayed in that position until his sobs subsided. He pulled away, averting her gaze.

Noticing his cheeks were red in embarrassment, she kissed his forehead and said, "There is nothing to be ashamed of, Severus. You have showed me that you are strong. I am proud of you."

Severus held back a sob. Only Skyrah had ever told him that she was proud of him when he was the first person who despised the man he was. Only Skyrah would have comforted him like that. Only Skyrah would still look him in the eye after he showed his weaknesses and insecurities. Only Skyrah would be persistent and compassionate enough to keep him company after he had lied to her about his real appearance.

"I really don't deserve you."

She didn't slap him, this time, but she did hiss, "I thought I made it clear that I don't want to hear you say that ever again." More softly, she continued, "You make me happy, Severus. Are you saying I don't deserve happiness?"

"N-no. But you already had someone. You could find someone better. Even if we're married, I wouldn't stop you."

"But I don't want anybody else."

He stifled a sob. He wanted to believe her. His heart would break if those words were all part of a game.

"You are my second chance at happiness, and I want to be yours. Don't be afraid of your pleasant feelings. You are worthy of them. Are you going to let the opportunity pass up?" She took his hand. He didn't know that holding hands could feel so good. He was mesmerised by the sight, by everything something so simple and common awoke in him. She squeezed his hand, bringing him back to reality, before asking him, "Please do what brings you joy for once in your life. You've suffered enough."

Severus understood everything in that moment. He had never thought he'd get his second chance, let alone merit it. And then Skyrah came to his life. She wasn't afraid to touch him, to talk to him, to laugh with him… She wasn't afraid to show her emotions, and he admired her for that. Severus had always craved for touch; he had only got pain from the people who were supposed to love him. Nevertheless, this witch was giving him what he had longed for every pathetic year of his life. He had been a fool. He wasn't going to spend another second without this woman; the same woman, who could make him feel like a teenager in front of his crush, who genuinely believed he was a good man and who was proud of him. He felt a little selfish by doing so, but this time he wasn't going to lose his first real chance to be with someone who cared for him. He had been starved of touch and of affection for too long.

With a sudden determination, he bonded their lips, hoping the kiss would express all the emotions he was unable to convey. His mouth was insistent and demanding, but Skyrah was satisfied with that. It meant he was finally pursuing happiness. She kissed him back with the same fervor, hands sliding up and encircling his neck to bring him closer. By the time the kiss was over, both were breathing hard, resting their foreheads together.

"I want to show you how much I care for you," she panted. "I want to prove that I'm in love with you and that your past, present and future won't change this fact. I want to express with my body what words aren't able to. We've had sex before, but I don't want sex anymore. I want to make love to you, Severus."

He heard a shaky gasp - his gasp - and her lips pressed against his. He kissed her back, slowly, gently, in contrast to their previous kiss. Her hands were playing with his hair, that greasy hair she didn't mind. Severus slid a hand under the side of her jawbone, cupping her face as he drew her to him smoothly. His other hand was running his fingers up her back following her spine until they rested behind her head. She broke the kiss but didn't pull away. Her lips curved up into a warm grin that made Severus smile back. Grinning still felt a bit foreign, but with her he was getting used to the feeling and he loved it, especially because it made her smile even more.

"Does this mean you want to make love to me, too?"

He arched an eyebrow, still smiling, and mocked her by quoting her, "For being so intelligent you sure have your dense moments, Skyrah. I think it's obvious."

At first she hit his shoulder playfully, but then she giggled and kissed him again. She pushed him down until he was lying down on the bed and she was on top of him. He moaned deeply into the kiss and groaned when she smirked, breaking it. The moment that she began to kiss the scar of his abdomen, courtesy of the werewolf, he forgot how to breathe.

"Are you okay?" she asked, gazing up at him. Though she was no longer kissing him, her fingers kept tickling his marred skin.

"You don't have to do that."

"Perhaps, but I want to. I meant what I said. I want to make love to you, to all of you."

She went back to kissing all the scar tissue from his torso, following the light trace of hair which grew from where his skin disappeared into his trousers to his chest. She also kissed the visible ribs, to make sure that he knew she liked every part of him. Every little kiss and playful bite on Severus's damaged skin felt like she was healing him. He recalled the words she had uttered a long ago. Maybe we can heal each other. He was starting to believe it was possible.

Her hands caressed him everywhere while his hips bucked against her. She kissed and licked his shoulder and descended to his Dark Mark. She dropped a kiss there, eliciting a surprised gasp from him. It was then that he knew that she had meant every word. She'd have avoided grazing the mark associated with the person she had described as a monster, otherwise. It wasn't a game for her. She wanted him - his soul and body - and she didn't only say it, she showed it. Before he knew it, she was taking off his trousers so that he was only in his underwear, while she was still fully dressed. She rubbed him through the fabric of his pants.

"S-Skyrah…"

"Yes?" she asked innocently.

"Pl-please, stop, ah... Stop teasing," he barely managed to let out.

She smirked at the reactions she got out of him and went up once again, until she found a perfect spot under his chin. She started to kiss, suck and playfully nip him there as she caressed his torso and instinctively ground the junction of her covered thighs against his bulge, making him moan and close his eyes in ecstasy. It went on for a while, until he felt he would come before even touching her. That, however, would be embarrassing to admit, so he put his hands on her shoulders, stopping her.

"It's my turn to pleasure you." He arched an eyebrow and added as an afterthought, "Or tease you."

"You think you can?" she challenged, giggling softly.

"Watch me. "

He wrapped his arms around her and rolled them so that he was on top. He was kissing her again, like he'd done earlier, with all the passion he could muster. Her deep moan got Severus grinning in victory.

"You're wearing way too many clothes," he said with a frown.

She laughed in response. Severus felt a foreign yet pleasant sensation when he heard her laughing so carefree. He wanted to hear that sound forever. Skyrah started to strip, but Severus caught her wrists.

"What's the matter? I thought I was wearing way too many clothes," she asked in a mischievous tone, lifting an eyebrow.

"I want to be the one to undress you."

He wanted to discover every bit of her, to worship the woman who had brought so much joy to his life. Skyrah's breath became shallow when his long fingers unbuttoned her shirt and softly skimmed her skin. Every time he unfastened a button and revealed a bit of her pale skin, he kissed the new spot. He kissed all of her body until she was left breathless in her grey underwear. He tried to take off her bra, but he still wasn't able to unclasp it, and found himself groaning in frustration. When Skyrah was about to intervene, he took out his wand and the bra fell free without anyone touching it. She couldn't help but let out a needy moan when his hands caressed her tits. Meanwhile, he took the skin on the crook of her neck into his mouth, that one sensitive spot of hers which Severus had discovered the last time they had had sex.

"Severusss."

He smirked at her and pecked her lips, before focusing on her chest once again. He massaged her breast with his right hand as he kissed and sucked her other breast, playing with her nipple until it was hard and sensitive. He did the same with her other tit and then went down, leaving butterfly kisses down her belly. He decided to touch her through the fabric of her panties, as she had done to him, only to find the material was already wet. He got even harder.

"Remove it," she said huskily.

He did as told and caressed her folds in a painfully slow way, making Skyrah raise up her hips in hopes he would touch her in the right place. When he found her clit, she her nails dug into his shoulders.

"Se- Severus, oh, don't... don't stop."

Hearing her calling his name and begging like that sent a shiver of pleasure down his spine. He kept rubbing her clit like she had done to herself when they had sex for the first time, slowly increasing the rhythm until she pleaded, "Now."

"Are you sure? I want this to be perfect and I-"

She put a finger on his lips to silence him and demanded, "I need you now."

She bit her lip and blushed deeply as she took out his pants and uncovered his erection. She licked her lips in anticipation before taking his hand and squeezing it to encourage him. He positioned himself in front of her spread legs, allowing the tip of his penis to graze her moist entrance. That alone got him shuddering in pleasure.

"Please, Severus..."

He plunged into her smoothly, savoring the moment. Every cell of his body was vibrating with the thrill. Their fingers entwined as they gasped and writhed with the pleasure of their union. He started to move inside her. She was agape and Severus took advantage of it, bending his head down and poking his tongue into her mouth. They kissed while he kept pounding into her slowly, taking his time. She met every thrust eagerly, clenching around him. He only broke the kiss to bite on her collarbone. He was getting lost in the sensations when she husked between irregular breaths and sounds of pleasure, "Severus, I love you."

He froze and stared at her sincere eyes, having trouble breathing properly.

"I love you," she repeated, sensing he needed to hear it again.

Granted, she had told him she was in love with him before, but being in love and loving someone were different things. Being in love was a simple infatuation, something temporary. Loving someone, truly loving someone, was timeless. Now it was the first time somebody told him they loved him and meant it. Skyrah was not cruel. She wouldn't lie about something so serious. She wouldn't lie while she was so exposed to him, naked in his arms, showing how much she cared for him with all her being. His heart was thumping so fast Poppy would be worried, but he couldn't care less. He put a hand on her cheek, much like she had done to him when they lost their virginities, and landed a chaste kiss on her sweaty forehead. His tenderness left her breathless, dewy-eyed. He wanted to pleasure her, to make her feel like she was making him feel: blissful; and so he let his body show her by slamming his hips faster. Her fingers curled into the bedsheets at the change of pace.

"Severus!"

"Too much?"

"N-no... Keep... Keep going."

She wrapped her legs around his waist to bring him closer, deeper. Her knees were weak, trembling, and he was completely nude, scarred in front of her, but Severus had never felt so safe, so protected, so loved. And sweet Salazar. He'd be lying if he said he felt nothing for her.

He felt everything for her.

The realization was both scary and relieving. Although he wanted to say he loved her too out loud, waves of infinite pleasure broke through him, and the only thing that came from his mouth was a loud groan. The sound alone was Skyrah's undoing.

Spent, Severus pulled out of her and lay down beside her. Skyrah rested her head on his shoulder and put a hand on his chest, drawing circles with her fingers while Severus put an arm around her and played with her wavy black hair. She kissed his neck and snuggled even closer to him. Severus sighed contently. It was the first time in his life he felt complete, satisfied. It turned out his chance at having sex hadn't vanished. No. Not sex. Making love. That's what they had just done.

"I'm sorry about the slap."

It was her turn to avoid his eyes.

"Everybody who's ever hit me intended to harm me... except you. You were only trying to make me understand that I deserve you, that I deserve happiness."

"It was still wrong. I shouldn't have slapped you," she whispered as she caressed his cheek, where she had hit him. "Only my father's ever hit me, and I hate it. And now that I know your past..." She gulped. "Maybe you are the one who deserves better than me."

"Don't say that. Please, don't," he begged, kissing the hand that was stroking his face. She had been the only person who seemed to want his happiness above all.

"I wasn't even angry at you. I was angry at myself for not having done enough to make you see that you deserve happiness. I hurt you when I was hurting myself."

To that, he could relate. Ever since he was a child, he seemed to hurt others with venomous words and insults whenever the pain in his soul was too big to bear. He kept that to himself, though, and told her, "I wouldn't have seen the truth if you had not lost your temper."

"The truth?"

"That you weren't lying when you said you were in love with me. I thought nobody ever would feel attracted to me, learn to love me."

"You aren't unloveable, Severus," she whispered, intertwining their ankles as if making sure he wouldn't leave the bed, leave her.

She needn't worry.