Some things in life are just so unexpected there is no way to prepare for them adequately. This is how Her Highness feels talking with her father. Upon entering his chambers, she had no idea what version of him she would find. Would she find a broken shell of a man in grief? Would she find a miserable man pulling through? Would she find an aloof King or an unreliable father?
All of those things made sense to her. However, what she found was much different. In front of her sits a man she doesn't know anymore— a man attempting to be a father. Nothing could be more evident at that moment than the great divide between them. He is confident and assertive. She is docile and lackluster in the light of him, even in mourning.
He steepled his fingers together, and his brooding eyes beheld her. For once, he saw her. Not another woman in the room. Not some dignitary who needs to be coddled with kid gloves. Not anyone else but his daughter. He also heard the words she spoke and the frustration behind them. Charles is correct. He could very well lose his child.
So he invited her to "Tell me more, Mary. Let me know how you really feel. I want to know all the hurt inside you towards me." Seeing her unsure face made him say, "Remember, I'm your father. Not the King. Speak freely." He gestured for her to continue with his kingly hand.
Unbelief welled up inside her, along with years of vexation and trouble. To be the best mother she can be to her children and the best wife; then this negativity cannot exist. She must get rid of it. If not for herself, then for the twins, Gillian and Charles. It's time to put this resentment to rest for good.
Like her children are learning to communicate, the art of communication is the first thing a person knows in life. And once letters and words have formed and sentences take shape, communication gets more manageable, or rather, it's supposed to. But then, somewhere along the way, conversation became uncomfortable for Mary. Her words became few, her mind became loud, her eyes became observant, and her ears... well, she listens... a lot.
Her Highness has also learned that being silent is not necessarily good. It's taken her a pretty long time to develop her voice, to put true innermost thoughts to words. It's taken her even longer to have the courage to speak them. And oh, how she wants to express those thoughts out loud. The silence kills. Though she may be quiet, she has a lot to say if only someone will listen.
If her father truly wants to listen, she will talk. She will tell him the truth and not hide it away or bury it deep inside her heart. So she opened her mouth to speak with quiet confidence. "My past is a tough armor to take off, no matter how many times I try. The armor continues to be stubbornly stuck in place." Having mastered the art of sharing very little, she does a great job of making one think she said a lot. No one has ever questioned it thus far.
However, her father saw through her words and noticed her eyes. For all the mastery of concealment, the Princess has, her eyes give her away every single time. His forehead furrowed into a deep attentive frown. "Alright, now tell me about your past. Tell me the truth, Mary."
It's time to wade into discomfort and vulnerability, which is tiresome. Ironically this man is the example she's been given to follow, and he pushes back on any pain. Regardless of whether it's the truth he wants or not, he'll get it. It's time to fill the silence. She opened her mouth to speak her mind despite the shakiness of her voice. "Disappointed but not surprised has been my life's statement for longer than I can remember. I have been disappointed so many times by you that I'm not surprised anymore. Despite that, I keep hoping for a little fondness from you when you can't even give me honesty."
The pressure in her head was mounting, so a delicate hand went to pinch the bridge of her nose. There's a headache coming on. "But what bothers me the most is I hate that I put myself in a position to be let down by you repeatedly. I'm just really wary of it. I'm tired of being collateral damage in this war with yourself for a male heir. Actions prove why words mean nothing, sometimes. People can say they love someone and call them my pearl all they want, but the actions tell the truth." She looked down at her feet.
Still sitting in the same position, he asked, "And what have mine said about me?"
Lifting her head, she wore a pained expression. "That you don't care about me. When I was sent to live at Ludlow, my absence in your life and at court showed me that I never mattered to you. I was never a priority. I was just another possession to be collected and owned. It's even worse than that, though, because at least you keep your precious objects in fine cases or behind locked vaults. This is totally unlike how you treated me, your child. I was trash, thrown out and discarded. You showed me I was, am, replaceable. And what hurts the most is that you still think you haven't done anything to hurt me."
A few tears started to fall, and she gestured with her hands. "You called me a bastard! Even though you added me back into the line of succession, others still call me that wretched name. Were it not for my husband, I would be nothing, and some days I still feel that way— like I'm nothing. I used to think of you as my hero because you're a King and my father. I used to think you were perfect and wonderful. I used to think you would never hurt me, but now I know better. It was like one day something happened, and you became a person I didn't know, but surely a man who wasn't my father. You're a stranger."
She now realized that she never knew just how messed up their relationship was until she started saying these inner thoughts out loud. If she were less of a stronger person, she would be devastated. "You broke me in the same manner a man breaks a promise. But like all broken things, they do get fixed eventually. I will not apologize for how I repaired what you broke. And all I can say is thank you for giving me to your best friend. Thank you for giving me to Charles Brandon. That has been the best, kindest thing you have ever done for me."
He still sat there motionless and silent, staring at her. So she told him more. "I loved you, Father. I loved you more than you loved me. Now that I have children of my own, I understand how sad that is because there's nothing I wouldn't do for them. Did you ever love me at all?"
Finally getting up to stand, Henry went to his daughter. It was then she could see he had tears in his eyes. He had been holding them back. The first thing he did was wrap her up in a hug, which was a little stiff initially. He's not used to comforting others. They are usually the ones to comfort him. However, he got the hang of it, and the two stood there in an overdue embrace.
He took her gently by the arm and led his child to an elaborately decorated sofa. When the two sat, his chin quivered a little before he spoke. "I love you, Mary. I do. I have made poor decisions and been an absent father. I'm not sure how to make up for that, but I would like to try."
He took out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his eyes with it. "It seems as if I've been crying a lot lately. I never cry. It's like a whole new me, but maybe that's a good thing. You think I haven't noticed you, but I have quietly been observant. You may be subtle, but as shocking as it sounds, I can be too. So allow me to tell you what I've discovered."
She nodded, and he began. "One thing I've learned is that you are strong and resilient. You have not been reduced by every horrible circumstance you've endured. No. Despite my obvious meddling, you've persisted and come out better for it. You've gone from being a Princess to a pauper. You've worn hand-me-down tiaras, jewelry, and resewn dresses. You've had to lower yourself to beg for money and use your own to give to the poor. In all of that, you've refashioned yourself into a stronger version of the daughter I knew."
They both were crying now. "I have been a pompous ass of a father, but you are right about one thing. I'm glad I gave you to Charles as well. In my opinion, my sister wasn't right for him. She was too volatile. He has a soft heart underneath his gruff exterior. When I knew I was putting your mother aside, I wanted someone who would be able to care for you. In an instant, I thought of him and no one else. Both of you together have exceeded my wildest expectations. Together you are stronger and sounder. A more well-suited couple would be hard-pressed to find. I am so glad that you love each other and are satisfied. I only want what's best for you, for you both. Every jewel on your crown, you've earned it and then some."
He got up to get another handkerchief, then sat back down and gave it to Mary. They cried and got everything out in the open. Real courage is healing and allowing the ointments of truth and forgiveness on the wounds so they no longer fester and ache. Healing is not an instant, overnight miracle. It takes time to try to be in a better place emotionally. Vulnerability is a part of that process, which is what she and her father were with each other.
At least there's a light at the end of the dark tunnel. Finally, the action of repairing their rift is occurring. Trust takes time too. It's tough to trust someone a second time, especially when they've already proven themself to be untrustworthy. The cautious side of Mary tells her if he's broken her spirit once, he'll do it again. But the bright side allows her to remain optimistic. So, she'll settle for cautiously optimistic in regards to her Dad. She'll forgive him, but it will be hard to forget all of the hurt caused.
It's clear she was given this life, this road, this path because she's strong enough to walk it. She wouldn't have chosen it, and at times she's felt ripped open, but as her father said, she's better for it. Then she decided to tell him something that she couldn't believe she was about to say. "Father, you need to understand to realize that I didn't care about the Crown through everything. All I have ever wanted is your love and just a little of your time. I still feel that way."
These words stunned him because all he's ever known is the Crown and women who want it, except for one. "Oh, my dear girl, you're like your mother more than I care to admit. She was one of the humblest women that I know. I'm sorry I hurt her, as I am that I hurt you. I can't change what I've done, but I can only hope we will be better in the future. Because if I were honest, I need you in my life. I need my grandchildren in my life. I need my best friend and son-in-law in my life. It's still so strange to call Charles that..." He trailed off, thinking about it.
It left Mary an opening to say, "But what about Gillian? She's one of your grandchildren, and you've ignored her. Why? Is it because she's a girl?" As is her nervous action, she picked at the lace of her dress and waited for his response.
His Majesty sighed and rubbed the tips of his fingers together. He also looked off into space as if recalling something or other. When he did speak, it was not what she expected, which seems to be the theme. "It's not that I don't like her. I do. She's a beautiful, sweet babe from what I've seen. However, she reminds me of one of my children I've lost."
Then he rubbed his temples and told her something that changed what she thought she knew about him. "When your mother and I were married, we had children. That was never our problem. Our problem lay in keeping them alive. Before you, we had another girl. When she was born, she was a beautiful thing. Small, red, and loud. Her lungs were powerful, even more than your Aunt Margaret when mad. We named her Adina, Catherine Adina."
Never has she ever heard any of this information before. Interested in knowing more, she asked, "What happened to her?"
Looking at his daughter, he gave a half-smile and spun a ring around his finger. "Five weeks later, she caught a sickness and died. It struck your mother hard in the heart. It hurt me too, but I had to stay strong for her. After that, we eventually had you. Our one successful living child together." He patted her hand as he continued talking. "Anyway, your little girl reminds me of Adina. It was hard to look at her at first."
That was a lot to take in. Mary thought of how Gillian reminds him of the child he lost so long ago. She supposes Charles is right. This whole time "I thought she favors Charles more than me. I guess I was wrong."
A genuine smile formed on his regal face. "For my granddaughter's sake, let's hope not." They both laughed at his words. "I do want to know my granddaughter. I've been working up to it. What do you say about bringing your husband in here with us? There are things we three need to discuss as a family." She agreed, and His Majesty went to the door to fetch him.
Entering the room, Charles wore a skeptical expression. He looked at both of them. "Well, it seems you didn't kill each other. That's a good thing."
While Mary scoffed, the King declared, "You are my least favorite son-in-law."
With a deadpan expression, His Highness feigned laughter. "I'm your only son-in-law. Therefore I'm your favorite." But then he got serious. "In truth, is everything OK between the two of you? I didn't hear any shouting, which is common with those Tudor tempers."
The King stared at him as he twisted his royal ruby ring around his finger. "We don't need to shout to accomplish our purpose. Our goal was to get everything out in the open and mend our familial rift. I believe Mary and I have made good progress on that end."
Charles looked at his wife with questioning eyes. When she nodded, he let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding in. "Good because at some point, you needed to start healing. People and things may come and go, but family is the only earthly foundation I know of that holds steady. You need your family, especially during tough times."
Sitting there thinking about her husband's words, the Princess decided family is messy, at times clinging, full of repetitive patterns, and can be annoying like a lousy dress fabric. But family is love, a special gift from God that needs to be treasured— even when they make you mad, interrupt, frustrate, and are demanding.
Life is not about titles, fancy things, or how a person looks. No. Life is all about being surrounded by people who know and love you best. Life is about love, family, and forgiveness, and if a person has none of those, it's about finding and creating it, which is pretty much what she and Charles have done.
Mary's eyes flickered between her husband and her father. These two men are part of her family. She just hopes she can add her father back into the big picture of her life. The man has been removed for so long that he might not fit, but they must try as he said.
It was then her father interrupted her musings. "As Mary and I have been speaking plainly with each other, I need to continue that. What I say is for your ears only. The loss of my wife and son has made me realize life is short. I need to start treating my heir like my heir, even if it happens to be my daughter. As I have stated before, I have felt immense pressure to have a son and a successor to carry on the family name and legacy."
It was clear the Sovereign Man had returned. His Majesty got up and went to his locked desk, where he opened it and took out various folders and parchments. Upon sitting back down, the King situated the documents in his lap. He declared, "Mary, you are my heir. One day you will be Queen of England. I don't know when, because no one knows how long they have to live. But I need for you to be prepared for that eventuality. You need Queen training. All my wives, notwithstanding your mother, were not true Queens of England. You will be. As such, you need to be ready, and all of the necessary groundwork needs to be laid."
Going from one difficult conversation to another is a stretch for Mary's emotions. However, she felt it necessary to note, "Father, I do not doubt my abilities to be turned into a Queen. But I do feel it vital to give guidance to Charles. You see, if I ever truly am Queen, my first act of parliament will be to make him King Consort. I cannot rule without my husband. Don't you think it would be essential to give King lessons to him instead?"
For his part, Charles sat there unmoving, listening to her words and taking in the reaction of the King. To know his friend has accepted Mary as his heir is daunting, but to know she still aims to make him a King is even more so. Being a King is a lot of burdens and a lot of responsibility. This is a significant moment.
Scratching at his chin, Henry wore a thoughtful look. "King Consort. That would be a smart move, as you rule better together. You already do so in Wales and Suffolk, and Wales is the country's largest region. Together you've helped poor people rise out of deprivation and poverty. You've added to the economic wealth of your two provinces. You've acquired a trade deal with Venice, for Heaven's sake. So yes, Charles should be King Consort."
Then he pulled out a document from one of his folders. "In fact, I have this legal parchment here that attests to it. For added weight, when the time comes, I've already drafted a message to parliament backing the idea of naming your husband, my friend, King Consort." He passed it to Mary. Blinking, she looked it over in shock. She gave it to Charles, who sat there, stunned to silence.
But His Majesty wasn't finished. "My daughter, I realize how I've treated you and how certain legal actions I've taken of late don't match up. Again I can only beg forgiveness and hope to be restored to your good favor. You are correct when you say Charles needs King lessons. I will help him with that, starting tomorrow. Though I mourn, matters of state wait for no man. There is a meeting with Eustace Chapuys in the morning. I hope to get back into favor with Spain."
His hawk eyes turned to his son-in-law. "I expect you to attend the meeting with me. I likewise expect you to shadow me at every turn. You will learn and soak in everything that happens. We will debrief each matter and meet here in my chambers. Of course, all these things are for your eyes and ears only, except Mary." Charles nodded in agreement, but his throat still had a lump keeping him from speaking.
Then he turned to his daughter again. "You still need Queen training. There is someone who can help you. I realize you had a lot of conditioning growing up and more through ruling with your husband. However, there is something you don't know, and yet I think you will approve." His Regal eyes held her in place.
Life is fragile, delicate, pure joy, at times tumultuous and entirely unpredictable. It's a lot like her father in that regard. And no matter how much something is expected, it's the unexpected that can change a life. His words changed her life. "A year before you married Charles, I went to Scotland and conversed with my other sister, Margaret. I told her I thought of setting your mother aside to have a living male issue. She, of course, disapproved but inquired as to what would happen to you. I told her you would, naturally, be declared invalid. She again loathed the idea and basically all but called me insane."
Standing, he began to pace around the room as he spoke. "In the midst of the Tudor tempers flaring up, she suggested something. At first, I was hesitant to agree, but when I came back to England, the more I liked it. So I wrote to Margaret, the Dowager Queen of Scotland, and had her ready her idea. Then everything fell into place, everything but one."
He turned to his son-in-law and pointed at him. Charles can see Henry's temper rising by the red in his cheeks. "You. You practically foiled the whole thing by up and marrying my youngest sister like that. It's still the stupidest move you've ever made. She was utterly wrong for you in every way." After reprimanding the Prince again for that, he went on to say, "Luckily, I didn't have to resort to using legal action to have you put her aside. May God rest her soul. As I said, I intended my daughter for you. And I knew that once I set Catherine aside, Mary would need some guidance of her own."
Both the Prince and Princess of Wales sat there in deep shock. Charles swears his mouth dropped open to the floor, and Mary was as dizzy as a bat in the sun. Even so, His Majesty told them, "This is where your Aunt's plan came into play. I may have acted like I didn't love you, but I do. I've always looked out for you, Mary, even from afar. The Dowager Queen of Scotland had someone helping her when she first became Queen. So she conversed with her lady friend, and her companion agreed to look out for you. I've never met her, but you have. I have no doubt she'll help you with Queen training. I believe she goes by the name of Countess Falkirk or you may know her as Lady Flora."
Overcome, Mary fainted straightaway. Charles cradled his wife in his arms while the King sent for the Royal Physician.