Chapter 22

On his way downstairs, Severus came across Harry, who was holding a plate with some breakfast.

"Sir?"

Severus cleared his throat and composed himself.

"She has woken up. Let her know that you are only bringing some food, that she needs to eat and that you will leave her alone. Understood?"

"But sir, wouldn't Skyrah want you by her side? Doesn't she need, er, comfort?"

"I told you so yesterday, Potter. She can't even look me in the eye. I am the last person she wishes to see, so I am going to grant her wishes and leave her be."

"But I don't get it. Wh-"

Severus had already left. Sighing, Harry climbed the last stairs.

Sobs. Skyrah's.

He froze. Snapping out of it, he snuck into the bedroom and deposited the tray on the nightstand. Harry had always believed that Skyrah was a strong woman. She had to be so, to be married to someone like Severus. Besides, she was always smiling and joking around, bringing the light every time it got dark. Watching her hugging a pillow against her chest as she kept crying loudly wasn't an image he had thought he'd ever witness.

"Skyrah? It's me. Harry. I made breakfast."

She ignored him.

"You have to eat something."

"I don't want to eat," she managed to let out between weeps, complaining as a stubborn child, as she tried to dry her tears to no avail.

"I don't care what you want. You need to. Even your husband ate something yesterday, and he can be pretty stubborn, you know? I'm not going away until you eat."

He noticed that the moment he mentioned Severus, she shut her eyes.

More softly, the boy murmured, "Please, Snape and I care for you; we don't want you to starve to death."

This time, instead of closing her eyes, she held back a sob.

Biting her lip, she replied weakly, "I give you my word that I'll have breakfast in a few minutes."

Harry nodded. He was already in the doorway when she called hi and whispered a 'thank you'. Harry turned around and gave her a nod.

"Look, I..." He hesitated, but he guessed trying wouldn't hurt, so he continued, "I know it isn't my business, but I really think you should let Snape come here."

Her face contorted in pain.

"When you arrived at Privet Drive I thought I was doomed. Of all my teachers, Professor Dumbledore had to choose the one who hated me. Then you found out about my… my abuse, and you welcomed me home and looked after me. You even got me a bedroom. I was confused not only by that but also by Snape showing affection towards a person, towards you. I had never seen him smile, not until I lived with you two."

Even though she averted his gaze, Harry knew she was listening.

"You must already know that he is a Death Eater, and perhaps that's the reason why you don't want to see him, but yesterday, when he came and I saw he was wearing those robes I wanted to kill him. I thought he had hurt you. But the look in his eyes… I have never seen something alike. He ordered me to floo call Madam Pomfrey and brought you upstairs. When we entered the bedroom…" he trailed off for a second.

"He was a right mess. He was cradling you in his arms and, at first, refused to leave your side. When Madam Pomfrey went away, I had to make sure that he ate something. He didn't care about himself, he just cared about you, and he kept holding you all day and all night non-stop. He was devastated about… about losing the child. We had an argument until I got him to eat and he told me that he just wanted to hold you before you couldn't even look him in the eye. He was sure you'd hate him. And the truth is that I don't understand why you made him get out of the room and let him believe just that."

He took a big breath when he saw Skyrah shaking her head in denial.

"He loves you! You are the only person on Earth he loves!"

She started to sob uncontrollably once again. Harry cursed himself. Making her feel worse hadn't been his goal. Awkwardly, he got closer to her and put a hand on her shoulder. When she didn't push him away, he interpreted it as a good sign, so he did what she would have done to him if the situations were reversed: he took away her pillow and hugged her. She broke down even more, holding onto him strongly. Clumsily, he patted her back until her sobs subsided, about fifteen minutes later.

He pulled away and offered her the breakfast he had prepared. She ate some, even though she didn't finish it despite Harry's complaints. She didn't feel like eating at all. She went to have a shower, only to find Harry waiting for her in the bedroom.

"I'd like to be left alone now, Harry. You made sure I ate, you can go," she murmured, staring at the floor.

"No."

"Harry, please... I'm not feeling well."

"That's why I can't leave, not until I convince you that you need Snape."

She sat up on the bed, still avoiding his eyes. "Just go."

Her words had been so void of any emotion that Harry was taken aback.

"Weren't you the one to tell me that we must not judge? That we all make mistakes?" he nearly shouted. "I know you think he is a Death Eater, and he hasn't told me anything, but I think he isn't entirely loyal to Voldemort. He's had many occasions to kill me, but he's saved my life more than once."

"I already knew he was a Death Eater when I married him. And he isn't evil. I know that," she said, new tears springing into her eyes.

Harry frowned. Why else would she push him away? A thought crossed his mind. How could he have missed it?

"You went to a Death Eater meeting with him, right? But I've seen your arm. There's no Dark Mark."

She dried her tears and took big breaths to calm down. She was still shaking.

"That's because I am no Death Eater," I am worse, she thought.

"Why would you attend the meeting then? It makes no sense. Both of you appeared scared and it looked like it wasn't the first time…"

Her eyes were red and puffy and her look was severe. Gulping, she muttered, "It's not the right time to tell you."

"Why?"

"Because you will hate me if you learn the truth. I have just lost a daughter and I don't know if Severus and I will ever be the same. I'm not willing to lose you too. I've lost too many people," she said, thinking about her family and Daniel.

Harry gulped. By the way she talked, he gained the impression she had lied to him about something.

"But you aren't a Death Eater. I know that Snape is one and I haven't run away! Whatever it is, it cannot be worse. You won't lose me."

She snorted and it was enough answer to let him know that it could be worse indeed.

"Why did you go with Snape?"

"I had to."

"Why?"

"Please stop questioning."

"No! Why did you have to go?"

"Get out," she said faintly.

"I won't until you tell me!"

"I said get out!" her voice had been strong this time, and it scared Harry.

However, he wasn't going to leave her.

"And I said I wouldn't until you tell me!"

"You're not the adult here! You don't get to babysit me and boss me!"

"Funny, your husband said something similar," he said with a snort.

"Then behave! You aren't being considerate at all! I have the right to grieve!"

"Yes, but not alone. You need Snape."

"Stop!"

"Why did you attend the Death Eater meeting?"

"Because he is my father!" she exploded. In a broken, lower voice, she added, "You-know-who is my father."

Harry paled. He didn't want to believe her. Skyrah had been nothing but kind to him… Had it all been a lie? Had the Snapes planned to befriend him so that they could report Voldemort about him?

"You are kidding."

She bit her lip and shook her head. In that moment, Harry took in her appearance. She had the same hair, eyes and color of skin that young Tom Riddle had had, he remembered from his second year. Stupid moron, he told himself. How could he have missed the resemblance? He wanted to flee Spinner's End, go to Professor Dumbledore and let him know everything.

"No!" she yelled, grabbing his wrist the moment he made to leave. "Please! I'm not him!" Harry pushed her away and headed out, but she kept screaming pleadingly, "The woman and the teenager girl! The ones you saw through my father's eyes and looked like slaves! They are my mother and my sister!"

He stopped dead in his tracks, but he didn't turn around to face her. He had almost reached the doorway.

"He hurts them every time I do not obey him! Please! You have to believe me! He wanted an heir, a baby boy, and he found out I was expecting a girl! That's why I-" A sob cut her mid sentence. "Don't fear me! Please! Severus and I were trying to protect you! I can't lose you too!"

Too shocked to say anything, Harry marched out of the room, leaving an even more broken Skyrah behind. He found Severus in the lab. The calm that brewing potions usually carried was nowhere to be seen now. Severus kept reliving the moment she flinched away from his touch, like a curse. He had screwed up, just like he had done with Lily. History had a funny way of repeating itself. He had lost Lily forever after one mistake. He had just lost the only person who had managed to make him smile after Lily's death, Skyrah, and their baby.

"Sir?"

"Did she eat?" he wondered, eyes fixed on the sopophorous beans he was crushing.

"Not everything, but she had some breakfast."

"Good. Go away."

"No."

Severus sighed and left the knife aside, the beans now forgotten.

"I am warning you. Right now I do not have the patience to put up with your immature insolence."

"Skyrah's told me she's Voldemort's daughter," the boy claimed.

Severus became paralyzed.

"She's told me that the woman and the girl I saw are her family; that she has to do everything her father said… And that Voldemort had ordered her to get pregnant. That he found out she was with child, but it wasn't a boy, so…"

Severus had no idea why his wife had decided to fill in the details just now, but he couldn't help but growl sarcastically, trying to cover his uneasiness, "I see you know everything about my wife, Potter. Congratulations. Now leave."

As usual, the boy disregarded the command.

"My guess is that Voldemort killed the baby, so why doesn't she want to see you, especially when she's told me that you aren't evil?"

"None of your business."

"It is my business! Can't you see? I've been living with you two! I never thought I would, but I care for you! And I hate seeing you so distant the moment you need each other the most!"

"Bloody Gryffindor! Stop giving me life lessons! Stop trying to save the day! You know nothing, Potter! Do you really want to know why Skyrah can't look me in the eye? Do you?! I killed her! Dammit! It was me! I killed my own daughter!"

Severus fell on his knees and covered his face, crying, muttering to himself he had killed the baby over and over again. The sight terrified Harry. He must have been the one to mutter the cruciatus curse, then, thought the boy. Why would he, though? Why would he grieve if he had intended to kill her? Something was off...

Crestfallen, Harry left the room, aware he wouldn't be getting any answers any time soon. He debated informing Professor Dumbledore, but before that, he decided to floo call Madam Pomfrey. The medi-witch apparated in the living room.

"Mr. Potter, is everything all right? Has she woken up yet?"

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey. I figured you'd like to see her and run some tests to make sure she's fine."

Poppy nodded. Harry took him to the Snapes' bedroom. Despite the fact the lab was close to the bedroom, Harry couldn't hear Severus crying any longer. He bet it was due to charms. Poppy instructed him to wait outside.

Skyrah wasn't crying anymore. Her eyes were void, she was looking through the window at nothing in particular, lost in her own world.

"Hello, I am Poppy, Hogwarts's medi-witch. I am going to run some tests to make sure everything is in line," she explained softly.

Skyrah didn't face her. She didn't even move. Poppy used some non-verbal spells and concluded that everything was going well. Physically, at least, she added to herself. She stared at Skyrah.

"Aren't you going to leave? You already said I am fine."

Poppy cringed. Skyrah had been cutting. She hadn't even looked at her.

"We both know you aren't fine, not really. I am aware we don't know each other, but let me tell you something: a long time ago, I also had a miscarriage. I only got through it because I relied on my husband."

Skyrah didn't react. She kept silent. Tears were starting to blur her vision once again. She put a hand on her womb, now without a growing life, and bit her lip to keep from screaming. Poppy put a hand on her shoulder. Skyrah tensed, but didn't pull her away.

"I can't see him right now. It hurts too much."

Poppy's expression softened.

"I've known Severus since he was eleven. He came to the Hospital Wing more times than any child should. We've worked together to create some healing potions, now that he's an adult. I know him well. He has always been a solitary, sad, insecure man who hid behind his tough appearance and his snarky remarks. I had no idea he had got married and the fact that he was going to be a father was even more shocking. Yesterday… I have never seen him so devastated. He must really love you. He's suffering, too. Don't forget that."

With that said, Poppy strode out of the bedrrom. When she asked Harry how Severus was coping, the boy only said Severus wouldn't appreciate it if they saw him crying again. It was better if she left, so she did.

Skyrah remained enclosed in the bedroom all day. Severus didn't leave the lab either. Harry cooked for them. He left them the tray with the plates, and came later to pick them up. Neither ate all the food, but the fact they tried was enough for the boy. Harry had been tempted to floo call Professor Dumbledore more than once, but he didn't want to put Skyrah in an uncomfortable situation. She may be Voldemort's daughter, but she clearly wasn't a monster. In fact, she had been the closest thing to a mother figure he had ever had, even more than Mrs. Weasley. The same thing happened with Severus. The bat of the dungeons had turned out to be very different than what he had first believed. He was willing to be patient and let them explain themselves before going to Professor Dumbledore. He owed them that, after all, they had saved him from the Dursleys' hell.

When bedtime came, Severus made his way downstairs, ready to sleep on the sofa - or try to. Nightmares would plague his night. That was if he fell asleep first, considering the image of his wife being scared of him was imprinted on his mind. He didn't even bother to transfigure it into a mattress. He was about to lay down when Skyrah appeared in the room, keeping her distance from him.

"Could... Could you come with me?"

She had looked extremely insecure and hesitant, but she wouldn't be facing him if she hadn't meant for him to accompany her. Confused and nervous, he followed her until they both were standing in the bedroom, close to the door. They stared at each other. Severus memorized her feautures, in case she kicked him out any second.

"Forgive me," she whispered, voice cracking. "I shouldn't have pushed you away."

Severus sucked in a shallow breath. His eyebrows lowered.

"Are you listening to yourself?! I am the one who should be begging for forgiveness! The only reason I haven't done so is that I do not deserve it! I can't understand how you can look me in the eye! I killed her!" He held back a sob and repeated, brokenly, "I killed our baby…"

"Liar."

"I cast the curse."

"It wasn't you."

Her eyes held some tears, but her composure was confident. He was angry at the world. He was angry at Harry for prying into his life, at Voldemort for being so inhuman, at Skyrah for having the nerve to talk to him after what he did to her and mostly, at himself for everything.

"Dammit! Stop seizing on excuses! It was my fault!"

"My father used the imperius curse on you!"

"You didn't seem to care when you were running as far away from me as possible!" he retorted, referring to the moment she had cringed at his touch.

"That's because I kept seeing images of the moment you pointed your wand at me and muttered the curse! I keep seeing it in my mind, all the time! And when I see it, it hurts here." She pointed to her pelvis, shedding some tears. "As if I lost her again and again."

"Poppy-"

"Said my body is healing just fine. It's this," she said, touching her forehead. "I feel like I'm going crazy!"

"Then why are you even talking to me?!"

"Because I feel even worse when I am without you!" she exploded, clutching his robes tightly in her fists.

Severus gasped. Ashamed of her outburst, Skyrah let go of him, her arms trembling, breath coming in short puffs. Severus wished she had kept touching him, and at the same time, he thought that...

"You should hate me. The thought of my persona should repulse you."

"No," she said, voice thick with emotion. "That's what my father wants. He didn't want me to only lose our baby, Severus. He wanted me to be afraid of him, of you. That's how he reigns. Fear is power, for him." She let out a suffocated sob. "I'm not letting him ruin my life! I'm not letting him manipulate me as a naïve child! He can't rule my life. He won't."

Severus gulped and averted her gaze.

"Harry and Poppy were right," she said with so much confidence, Severus couldn't help but stare at her once again. Skyrah bit her bottom lip before continuing, "I need you. I need to grieve alongside you. I need to feel your arms enfolding me. I need your kisses, your voice. I need to know that everything will be okay between us."

Severus breathed shallowly. Wavering, he put a trembling hand on her cheek, expecting her to wince at his touch and look at him with fear once again. She closed her eyes, though, and leaned in. Severus let out a relieved sigh he didn't know he had been holding.

"Hug me," she requested in a frail voice.

Letting out a sob, he wrapped her in his arms and crushed her violently against him, breathing in her scent. She held him just as tight. The grip was so strong they had trouble breathing properly. They didn't care though; they didn't even seem to notice. The only thing that truly mattered was that they were together. The Snapes weeped silently, holding desperately onto each other, finding solace in the familiar touch.

"Merlin! You don't know how much I missed you. When you looked at me with so much fear… I thought... I thought I had lost you, too. Like our baby. Like Lily..."

"You will never lose me, Severus. I promise."

His grasp tightened even more, something which had seemed impossible.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. She wasn't even born and I hadn't even seen her, but I loved her. I loved her with all my twisted heart. I would have never-"

"I know. It's not your fault," she crooned while her fingers played with his hair.

"Do you think you will be able to forgive me, someday?"

"What do I have to forgive? You were under the imperius curse. You couldn't escape it. Even if you had somehow managed to resist it, my father would have known the truth and, right now, he'd be presenting me to another death eater to marry."

"I hate myself for it…"

"Dammit, Severus!" she yelled, taking him by the shoulders and looking straight at him. "Don't do this to yourself!"

He shook his head, face contorted in pain. "I will never forgive myself for-"

"You are not to blame! My father did this to you, to us. If you blame yourself, he wins. We have to keep holding on. We have to grieve and face the world with a smile on our faces. Happiness has to be our revenge. Our baby girl would want that for us."

Severus knew that deep down, his wife was right. He breathed deeply, trying to calm down.

"I'll leave the smile part to you… A scowl on my face is more my style."

He had been serious. He hadn't meant to make her laugh. Yet, Skyrah giggled through her tears and made him feel warm inside. Her laugh, one of the most pleasant sounds in the world, which had become one of his favorite things to hear, a precious gift he had missed.

"You are the strongest woman I've ever known."

Her laughter faded. She lowered her gaze and touched her belly.

"I may be strong, but I can break. I feel broken."

"So do I; but having you in my arms is comforting."

He hesitated, afraid his touch would hurt her, but she didn't flinch when he put his hand over hers and moved it until his palm rested on her womb. If her head had been up, he would have seen her smiling sadly.

"You are the strongest man I've ever known, too. We'll get through this, don't you doubt it." The hand that had stayed on his shoulder settled on his cheek, caressing it. Meeting his eyes, she whispered, "I love you, Severus."

He couldn't hold back a sob the moment she uttered those words, the same words he had never thought he'd hear coming from her mouth again, or from anybody's mouth for that matter. He wanted to shout I love you too, the same phrase he had been so frightened to utter, but a lump on his throat impeded it. Instead, he held her close and kissed the top of her head. They stayed in silence for longer than an hour, grieving and holding onto each other. At some point, they had let themselves land on the floor, kneeling without breaking the embrace.

Suddenly, Skyrah hissed in pain. Alarmed, Severus pulled back and cupped her face.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"My knees, they're killing me," she whined.

Severus took Skyrah in his arms bridal style, ignoring the pain of his own legs. She gasped when her feet soared. Her eyes grew wide as she threw her arms around his neck, trying to maintain the equilibrium so as not to fall. Her lips twitched, drawing the beginnings of a smirk on her face.

"My knees may be killing me, but I can still walk, you know?" she teased with an arched eyebrow.

Her change of attitude took him by surprise. Even though pain was still palpable in her eyes, she was making an effort to go back to the way they were before the tragedy fell upon them.

Deciding to play along and appease her, he teased back, lying her on bed, "Don't pretend you didn't like it."

Skyrah laughed. It wasn't a sweet giggle, like before. Oh no. She was rocking with laughter with both hands on her belly. It still hurt there, but for wonderful reasons. Severus stared at her dumbfounded. Right then, nothing existed but Skyrah and her lovely laugh. Unconsciously, a small smile flickered across his face.

"Oh! Come here and keep cuddling me, you, my snarky Potions Master!"

Yes. Everything would be all right.