After our class exited the cafeteria, we gathered in front of one of the closed doors to the fancy rooms for a special announcement from Mr. Pony.
"Hut-tention!" said Mr. Pony. "This is a special announcement." Clearly, this was a special announcement. "Today, rather than going to the normal playground, we'll be going to the field near the Big Toy to play a team sport."
The girl with blonde hair and nice teeth raised her hand eagerly. "What's the Big Toy?"
"That's a very good question," replied Mr. Pony, "but what I'd prefer to call to attention to what I think is the larger issue here – the team sport we will be playing. How many of you have heard of kickball?"
Jenny snickered. Everyone else had already raised their hands. The smell of gasoline filled the air, mingling with the smell of food from the nearby cafeteria to create an unholy aroma. I had a sneaking suspicion that one of the first graders – no, one of the fourth graders, would be fascinated by that aroma.
"That's great!" exclaimed Mr. Pony, putting their hands on their stomach, "It means I don't have to explain the rules, which means that you lot have more time to plaaaaay!" they turned slightly to the side and raised their arm closest to us. "Now, Jordan and everyone else, follow me to the field. Of dreams."
In my normal spot in line between Kiki and Jacques, I trod down the staircase, out of the cafeteria, and to the left along a cracked concrete path. Led by none other than the one and only Mr. Pony, we marched past the building where the primary school was and the pond filled with Canadian Geese on the other side.
After the primary school building ended, there was another shady looking building on our right. We eventually reached the end of that, and on the other side of us was a larger, more majestic playground with complex structures, a large field, tennis courts, a basket ball court, and even a pagoda with some picnic benches underneath it.
Mr. Pony made a heel-face turn and caused everyone behind them to stop. "Ladies, gentlemen, and others: This is the Big Toy!" The line kind of dissolved into a pack, despite Randy's best efforts, as everyone in the class stared on in wonder.
"Impressive," commented Jacques from behind me. "I should remember this to make a map of it later."
"Eh, it's okay," added Skylar from my right, checking out her nails somewhat distractedly. "I've seen bigger."
"Come on guys!' said the blonde girl with nice teeth. "Let's get to the field! I wanna play kickball!" All of us followed her to the field rapidly, except for Rachel, who was content to sit on one of the benches once again. However, upon reaching the field, the smell of gasoline became ridiculously overpowering. Everyone turned to peer anxiously at an obviously agitated Kyle, who was standing with his overall-clad knees knocking together, back bent, and stubby arms scratching his mousy brown hair frantically, shedding dandruff everywhere.
"G-gow! Th-this field..." he muttered, "it makes me MAD!"
Mr. Pony moved stealthily, like a ninja, behind Kyle, ready to calm him down before his temper tantrum got too far out of hand. "Is everything all right, Kyle?"
Kyle glowered at Mr. Pony. "No, can't you see?" he answered annoyedly. "The grass in this field is way too long! It needs to be mowed at once!"
"I see," answered Mr. Pony, but it was clear to everyone that they didn't actually see at all.
"Gow! Get me a lawnmower right now! I'm going to mow the field!" demanded Kyle, his stress level and ire rising.
"I'm sorry, Kyle," replied Mr. Pony, trying to tread carefully with their answer. "But I'm afraid I can't let you do that. That is the job of the school groundskeepers, and you wouldn't want to do someone else's job, would you?"
Kyle was beside himself with fury. The smell of gasoline was so absurdly powerful that myself and many other students were covering our noses. We also began hearing the rumble of an engine in the distance.
"G-g-gow! Those stupid groundskeepers aren't doing there job then!" he screamed.
Mr. Pony replied sheepishly, which was a little strange considering they were named after a horse. "Um, Kyle, that's the wrong 'their'. Remember the three theres from earlier today?"
Kyle shut his eyes so tightly that crows feet appeared on the sides, unhinged his jaw, balled up his little fists, and released a noise that sounded like a mix of a guttural, voice-cracking scream and a lawnmower starting up towards the heavens. It was a terrifying site to behold.
"Holy crap," murmured Owen from somewhere in the class group. "Is he about to go Super Saiyan?"
"You… don't… get… it..." he continued through a red, veiny face and gritted teeth. "This… isn't… just… a… gow. This… is…" he started shaking violently and rapidly as if he had been electrocuted.
"...Sparta," I heard Owen whisper.
"A GIGAGIGAGOW!" He then collapsed on the ground, silent and still. I had the feeling that if any of us dared to peer into his eyes, we would only see swirlies, like the dolphin from Pterodactyl Chronicles, instead.
The blonde girl with nice teeth was the first to break the silence. "Whoa. Did he… have a c-jah?"
Mr. Pony inspected Kyle nervously. "Listen kiddoes, your buddy Kyle here will be fine, he's just a bit tuckered out is all. I'm gonna take him to the office. Play nice while I'm gone, m'kay?"
"Yes, Mr. Garrison," replied Owen eagerly, his eyes sparkling. "Okay guys, let's pick teams!"
"Hold it!" cut in Randy. "There's no way I'm letting a troublemaker like you take charge. Now, before we pick teams, we will need another team capitan."
"Who decided that you were team capitan in the first place?" asked Jenny, glaring at Randy.
Randy looked back at her with his long eyelashes. "I'm Mr. Pony's assistant," he retorted. "So it only makes sense that I would become the leader in their absence."
"That sounds like a lie to me," shot back Jenny.
"I don't think it's a lie," inputted Owen, putting his finger to his mouth mischievously. "And I know at least one other person that agrees with me. Right, Jacquesypoo?"
All eyes turned to Jacques. "Randy is indeed telling the truth," he said without blinking. That's right, I remembered. If that had been a lie, Jacques would have gone "BAAAAH!" like he always does.
"Wow," commented Jeremy. "To think that one of us was the teacher's pet."
"But, how will we choose the other capitan?" inquired Julia, adjusting her glasses.
I had an idea. "Why not Jordan?" I asked, nudging him forward a little.
"M-me?" he asked, readjusting his spectacles.
"That's a great idea!" said Owen, his eyes sparkling and his fists clenched in front of him eagerly. "Romeo here's the line leader, so he's got plenty of leadership experience. Riiiight, Jor-bah?"
"Wait," said Kiki, rubbing her eyes with the sleeve of her oversized orange coat. "I'm confused. Is his name Jordan, Romeo, or Jor-bah."
"I… guess," Jordan agreed, reluctantly accepting a leadership position.
"Well then," rebutted Randy, eager to regain control of the situation. "We have our two capitans. Now we just need to decide who picks first."
"We could use Maddie's Lucky Penny," offered Jordan, returning my glance. Randy nodded in agreement and I procured the Lucky Penny.
"This time, I'm going tails," declared Jordan. I flipped the penny. It landed on heads, much to Jordan's dismay.
"Hah!" exclaimed Randy. "In that case, I pick… Jacques." Jacques quietly strode over to stand beside Randy.
"Uh…" continued Jordan. "I'll go with..."
"Come on, Jor-bah!" insisted Owen. "We all know you want to pick Maddie!" This was getting a bit ridiculous. No way Jordan actually had feelings for me.
"Sta-ahp," whined Jordan. "And no, I'm going to pick, uh, Jeremy."
"Whoo," whistled Owen as Jeremy sauntered over to Jordan confidently.
Randy looked like he was running some quick calcs in his head. "William," he mentioned curtly.
"Uh… Eli." "Jenny." "Kathleen."
"Kristy." "Uh… Julia." "Skylar."
"Kiki." Jordan was beginning to sweat nervously, like Chuck. The only two people remaining were me and Owen, so I could understand why the pressure was getting to him.
Unfortunately, because of his hesitation, the choice was no longer his to make.
"Maddie," said Randy with finality. I strode over to stand with the rest of his team as Owen likewise went to Jordan's team.
"Okay," said Randy. "Since I picked first, your team gets to kick first, Jordan. That's the rule, after all."
As I took my 'poji-chin' in left field, the first person to kick was Owen, by his own popular request. Randy rolled the ball towards him, raising his rear leg like a ballerina as he released the ball. Owen did nothing but grin determinedly. Annoyed, Randy repeated this three more times, each time raising his rear leg higher as he released the ball, but to no avail. He had no use. For the truth. And now's the time for him to lose. Owen was allowed to walk to first base, which was guarded by William.
"That was so cheat!" said Randy, angry that he had been finessed by Owen. Owen only giggled and placed his hands behind his head.
Next up was Jordan, whose first kick missed the ball entirely. He landed the second kick, but William was able to pick up the ball and return to first base before Jordan got there. Jordan… was out.
Third was Jeremy, who kicked the ball over third base where Kristy was standing. His unblinking eyes ablaze, Jacques dashed after the ball, picking it up and hurling it to Kristy. It bounced once and she caught it, returning to third base before Owen could make it there. Owen… was also out.
"Hah!" smirked Randy. "That's what you get for pulling such a cheat move!" Meanwhile, Jeremy was on second base.
The fourth kicker was the blonde girl with nice teeth, who Jordan had called Kathleen earlier. Using my amazing powers of deduction, I was able to surmise that that was probably her name. Kathleen had tied her hair back in a ponytail to kick the ball, and after Randy rolled it, her foot connected squarely with it as if it were a solar plexus. You could almost hear the DeVoit kickball going 'oof', as if it were a Roblox character being forced to drink a protein shake, as it careened through the air, even past Skylar in the center of the outfield.
"Noooo!" yelled Randy as Kathleen and Jeremy returned home, tying up the score at 2-2. He looked angry as Skylar tossed the ball back to him, but my mama says that sometimes when people look angry, they're not actually angry, just determined. So, filled with determination, Randy rolled the ball at Eli, arching up his rear leg like an elegant ballerina once again. That's Italian for "Lil' baller". I wondered if that was Randy's rapper name, until William's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Come on, Maddie!" I saw everyone in the field running towards home base while the kickers fanned out to take their place. Kristy was passing the ball to Jordan, who seemed to be taking the role of pitcher, similarly to Randy. I wasn't so disappointed that she had caught the ball as I was that I had missed just how it had happened – I was the type of person who understood things best by watching them play out. I ran back to home base, and being the last person to arrive I was naturally in the back of the line. The first person to kick for our team was none other than Randy. Jordan rolled the DeVoit ball a little unsurely, and Randy missed his first kick.
"Do-over!" he cried, but in his throaty voice, it sounded a bit like "joo-over!"
Jenny, the person right behind him, rolled the ball back to Jordan.
"Roll it right this time!" ordered Randy. Jordan put a little more force into his roll this time, and Randy took a running start-o at the ball. As he raised his hind leg like a Lil' baller once again, preparing for the kick, time seemed to slow down… it slowed down until it became slower and slower… until it stopped completely and ground to a complete hault.