A/N: Hello all, welcome back to another update. To answer a guest reviewer I will be attempting to update this story about once a week. Hope you enjoy the latest chapter! :)
"You wished to talk?" He ventured, eyes steadily looking around. Lily chewed her lower lip, was this a monumentally stupid idea? Would she regret this? Would he lash out? She pushed those thoughts away, what she did know was she would regret it if she let her friendship with him end the way it had- angry words by a lake and hurt words in a corridor. She nodded, leaning back against the wall again. Severus took a step closer, he drew his wand. Acting on instinct, Lily drew her own, flexing her knees as she readied for a fight. Snape stopped dead, looking at her in shock.
"Muffliato." He finally said, putting his wand away slowly.
"What was that?" Lily was still tensed up. Severus looked at her, concern leaking through his poker face, why did she react like that?
"It was just to make sure there are no eavesdroppers nearby." Snape explained. After a few moments Lily accepted this, releasing a breath as she put her own wand away. She reached into a pocket of her robes, pulling out an envelope and handing it to her dark-haired companion.
"Happy Birthday." She said with a small smile. Severus stared down at the envelope like it was exceedingly precious, it was a few moments before he looked up again, wearing the first genuine smile he'd worn in months.
"I thought you'd forgotten." He said quietly.
"Like I could." Lily snorted. "I didn't get you a present in case your… other friends noticed and questioned you about it. At least with a card you can hide it in a book or something." Lily looked over the grounds, sighing sadly at the accurate analogy to what their friendship had turned into at the end of fifth year. Severus seemed to notice as well as he leaned slightly further away. He cleared his throat.
"What did you want to talk about?" A choked laugh escaped Lily, or was it a sob? Everything. She wanted her friend back, she wanted to go back to when they were nine and built forts in the woods of the local park, or climbed trees. She wanted to see Sev smile again, like he used to. She wanted them to be in the same house and have the same blood status so nothing could split them up. She wanted Voldemort and his Death Eaters to disappear off the face of the earth and leave her and Severus alone. Lily blinked back the prickling in her eyes, god she missed her friend. She swung her eyes to him, taking a breath.
"I wanted to clear the air." Sev frowned, catching her gaze as if he could find out what she was really thinking if he looked hard enough. Lily broke the eye contact, everyone thought Sev's eyes were black, really they were just a dark, dark grey. "I forgive you, Sev." She said, his heart clenched at her nickname for him. "I forgive you for what you said by the lake, and I get it if that day in that corridor when you- when you lifted your wand at me." Severus looked across the grounds, he couldn't bear to look at her as he recounted the incident.
"I get it, if it was peer pressure." Severus clenched his fist, she didn't understand. All the blood purist nonsense was just a means to an end for the Dark Lord, Severus was sure of it. When he had finally met the Dark Lord, at that gathering at the Lestrange House on the winter solstice, when he had heard him speak… Lord Voldemort had great plans for the future of wizarding Britain. He wanted to restore the prestige of wizards and witches across the UK, people who were worthy would be recognised. The Dark Lord wanted to make sure that they were fully exploring all the avenues of magic and what it could do. And yes, some of those magicks were classed as 'dark' but they were fascinating. There were literally potions out there that could be drunk on a wizard's death bed that would revitalise him, adding on potential years to his lifespan- ok, so maybe those potions required blood taken from the still beating heart of a youthful man- but the benefits, the power that was available to those strong enough to reach out and take it? If Severus had more power, he would never need to watch his drunkard of a father raise a hand against him or his mother ever again, he wouldn't need to watch her work her fingers to the bone with two jobs at a time, just to put food on the table. That was what Severus believed in, it was just unfortunate that his comrades were blood purists, but he was certain that eventually their bigotry would lose momentum, it just so happened that most of the rich and influential people were also blood supremacists. If Lily could just lie low, Severus knew that in time she would be fine, Voldemort would see her for her power and it wouldn't matter about her blood. Was that not a worthy goal?
"Lily." Severus began.
"No, listen." The red head said defiantly, spinning to face him straight on. "I'm telling you that I forgive you for what you've done. But I can't just forget it. The Death Eaters and Voldemort are not good people. They're racists and terrorists and I pray to God he hasn't hoodwinked you into taking his mark." Severus's hand went subtly to his left forearm. It had become common knowledge over the last few weeks that Voldemort marked his Death Eaters. "I wish you'd stay away from those friends of yours, Sev, because anyone even capable of thinking that my blood makes me inferior or unworthy of magic shouldn't be trusted and I know you know better."
"They're just a means to-"
"Means to an end, I know. But anyone who doesn't care about using people like that to get what they want does not deserve your loyalty."
Severus was beginning to feel the first traces of annoyance, Lily had always been so self-righteous.
"It's more than that, Lily." Severus said irately. Lily groaned, this was so not going to plan.
"Merlin, Sev! I don't want to fight!" Lily cried, clenching her fists as she gesticulated. They looked at each other for a few moments. "I don't want to fight." Lily said in a quieter voice. "I just wanted you to know I don't hate you." Her green eyes bored into his. "I could never hate you and I'm not even angry any more. But, for obvious reasons we can't be friends anymore." Severus didn't know what to say, she was right, but it still hurt. "And I really, really don't want to lose you to the Death Eaters." Severus looked away. Lily crossed her arms across her chest. "You're better than this. Those creeps you hang around with aren't good, Sev but you are." She said earnestly. "That's all I have to say." Severus didn't reply, he didn't know what to say. She would never believe him if he told her that eventually once the Dark Lord had achieved power people would be measured by their skill and merit, she wouldn't accept his justifications for studying 'darker' magicks, if only to preserve the knowledge that ancient and powerful witches and wizards had gained and Severus was too scared to even try and explain his choices in case she told him he was a monster and started to hate him. There was just such a gulf between them these days and Severus had never been good with putting his emotions into words.
Lily waited, holding out hope that Sev would explain it to her, that he would make her understand why he thought what he did, so she could go about changing his mind. She waited, fingers crossed in the sleeves of her robes as he opened his mouth only to shut it again. She sighed as he remained silent and with one last glance Lily walked away, Severus watched her go. He just didn't know how to make her understand.
A jolt of pain from his left arm drew his attention away from her retreating figure. He gingerly pulled up the sleeve of his robe. Severus wasn't officially marked, but on the winter solstice he had pledged his allegiance to Voldemort. He was going to be initiated and once he had proven himself he would be welcomed into their ranks as a capable potioneer, Lord Voldemort himself had told Severus he expected great things from him. The tall man had taken each of the young prospects who had come to the meeting aside to have a chat with them. He was handsome in a rather otherworldly way his skin was as white as marble, with his blue eyes that were ringed with red and he was captivating to listen to, he had chatted to Severus, almost like an equal, after he had spoken to each of them he had spread a potion on their arms to prepare them to be marked when they were ready and it had burned but if the Dark Lord was successful he could do such great things, and Severus would be there beside him!
If Lily had spoken to him before the holidays would he have changed his mind? He regarded the black patch of skin on his forearm, just begging to be reshaped into the Dark Lord's mark.
Lily would be okay, he would make sure of it, and once she'd seen just what he could do beside the Dark Lord, once he'd been recognised for his power, maybe they could finally become more than friends. His arm began to sting with pain again, she said she didn't want him to become a death eater? She just didn't get it. He clenched his fist against the pain, she was so dismissive of his beliefs, he had never been like that with her. A bubble of anger surged up in him, damn self-righteous Gryffindors, just give it time, she would realise soon enough. She had to.
A familiar target appeared, walking across the grounds, Severus sneered, a few well-placed insults would help him work off his annoyance at Lily's stubbornness.
"Hey, Black!" He called mockingly.
Monday 20 January 1977 "Sirius." James said warningly. Ready to grab his long-haired friend and bundle him into the nearest classroom if he had to.
"Just ignore them, Pafdoot." Remus pleaded. Peter stood nearby looking nervously between the jeering Slytherins and his friends. Their taunts had grown increasingly worse in the few weeks they had been back at Hogwarts, mercilessly targeting Sirius and the still grieving Dorcas and Sirius was very much reaching the end of his rope. He was glaring at the Slytherins, a venomous expression on his face. "C'mon." Said Remus, grabbing his elbow and attempting to pull him away. James was furious, his jaw clenched as his desire to hex their stupid faces off warred with his more sensible side clamouring to get Sirius out of there before he did something he'd regret.
"Yeah, listen to your boyfriend Black." Avery called with a sneer. "Before you end up like that blood traitor Cassian Meadowes. Or what was the name of that little pet of yours? Spot?" Sirius froze where he was stood. How the hell did Avery know about that? Memories he had long ago pushed down surged to the surface of his mind.
The white and brown mongrel with the patch over his eye licked nine year old Sirius' hand. He smuggled it into the house under his cloak.
Sirius giggled as the puppy ran around his room with a pair of socks in his mouth.
He looked all around as he stole down the stairs to the kitchen to get some scraps for the pup.
'Who's a good boy.' He rewarded the small dog who had sat and lay down on command.
'Shhhhh.' Sirius begged the dog, 'you have to stop barking or she'll find out.'
'Siri?' Regulus' familiar dark head poked into his room. Sirius scrambled to hide the dog. Reggie's eyes widened in delight. 'Wow.' He breathed, 'it's so cute'.
Sirius had taken Spot out for a walk on the green near Grimmauld Place, some young muggle boys were kicking a quaffle of some sort nearby. Sirius watched them curiously as Spot sniffed around the grass. They invited him to join in. Sirius hesitated, he wasn't supposed to look at muggles, let alone talk to them. They were evil and barbaric… but it looked like a fun game. The newcomer in the strange clothes laughed as they kicked the ball between them, Spot yapping as he chased it between the boys.
'Sirius!' Came a familiar screech. Sirius quailed as Walburga Black grabbed her son by the collar, dragging him away from the muggles. Spot growled and bit her leg, she grit her teeth and kicked the little dog away viciously.
'Spot!' Cried Sirius, tears prickling in his eyes as he broke free from his mother and scooped up the whimpering dog. He looked back to the muggles who were watching him be dragged away with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension. Walburga had a wild look in her eye as she threw Sirius across the threshold of their ancestral home.
'I've told you time and time again about muggles you insolent child!'
'We were just playing!' Cried Sirius, clutching Spot to him. Regulus watched from the landing with wide, terrified eyes.
Walburga shook her head. 'Why do you make me punish you?' She advanced on Sirius grabbing Spot by the scruff of his neck, the little dog squirmed.
'Wha- what are you doing?' Sirius asked, he had a terrible sinking feeling in his stomach. He went to dash towards his mother, to rescue Spot- Orion Black appeared out of nowhere, his ever present scent of whiskey and cigar smoke washing over his oldest son as he grabbed a handful of his collar. Walburga was making her way to the nearest bathroom, Spot still wriggling in her grip.
'I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'll never talk to a muggle again! I'll let Spot go! Please- I'm sorry. I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry.' Orion cuffed him on the back of the head.
'Be silent boy.' He rumbled. Walburga was filling up the sink.
'You can't trust a muggle.' Walburga was explaining. 'Mudbloods, half-breeds and blood-traitors are just as bad. I've told you this, Sirius.' The boy was sobbing, tears and snot mixing as he cried. 'If you just listened to me we wouldn't have to do this.' She held Spot in both hands, forcing the pup under water.
'No!' The air was crackling as accidental magic flared, Orion withdrew his stinging hand from his son's collar where it had been zapped with magic. He drew his wand, casting a body bind on the boy instead. Somehow Sirius' mouth remained free to plead at his mother. 'Please, Mother!' Spot was writhing underneath the water as Sirius looked on, powerless to do anything.
Eventually Sirius' pet stopped struggling. 'I didn't want to do this, Sirius.' Walburga said evenly. 'You have to learn.' Sirius had been released from his father's body bind but he was still frozen. Spot's tiny corpse was floating in the water.
'Do you understand?' She asked him, the boy was stock still. 'Look at me!' Sirius flinched back, lifting his eyes from his dead companion to meet his mother's steel gaze.
'I did this because of you, because you disobeyed me and disgraced our family. Do you understand?' Sirius nodded, it was his fault, all his fault. He shouldn't have been so stupid.
'Good.' Walburga said, she grabbed the dead dog by its tail and slammed it into Sirius' chest with a sodden thump. 'Get rid of this.' She swept out of the bathroom, the gurgle of the sink emptying filling the silence. Sirius wept as he held the puppy, he fell to his knees in the bathroom. Eventually he made his way into the small private garden at the back of the house, he dug a grave for his beloved pet with his bare hands in the soil. He was still crying as he piled the soil back into the grave and he sat there and cried until the sun disappeared below the horizon.
He was so stupid, why did he have to do everything wrong? He was a failure. Mother and Father were right, he was going to amount to nothing and bring shame upon the family. It was his fault.
All his fault.
Sirius physically shook himself as the memories flooded his brain. How did Avery know that? Regulus. An icy scowl settled upon his features, why would Reg have mentioned that? His little brother was nowhere to be seen right now.
"What the fuck did you just say?" He growled at Avery.
"He was your precious little puppy dog wasn't he? He would've remained that way before you fraternised with filthy, stinking muggles." Avery laughed mockingly. "And here we thought you were only a failure once you got to Hogwarts. Obviously you were a failure before then-" There was an almighty crack as Sirius hexed the snake. Avery choked as his tongue swelled up and expanded in size until it protruded out of his mouth. All hell broke loose as Snape viciously sent a spell at James. James gasped as his arm holding his wand that he'd just drawn broke as Snape's spell made contact. Remus was throwing up frantic shields and Peter was throwing in the odd hex at the Slytherins from where he stood behind Sirius.
"Stop!" Remus yelled over the shouts and spellfire, as he cast shield after shield in front of his friends. Sirius' face was a mask of anger as he continued casting.
"Sirius!" James shouted, knocking Sirius' wand arm down with his remaining unbroken one, a crackling blue hex that had been headed to Mulciber's head going awry as a result. Students were watching with the sick excitement that comes with observing a fight.
"What the hell is going on here!" Demanded a new voice and there was a flash of light as Lily cast a huge shield between the two groups, it reached both walls and effectively sectioned off the fighting students.
A silencing charm was the next thing to be cast. "Someone better give me a bloody explanation!" Roared Owen Redgrave, the head boy, dropping his wand from casting the silencer. He glared venomously at the Slytherins. He was followed by a furious Professor Flitwick, who once again found himself sending a blanket disarmer at the offending Slytherins, avoiding the Gryffindor side where Lily was maintaining the shield, the last thing he wanted was for Lily to be disarmed and her shield to drop and set them all off again. But he fixed a glare on Sirius.
"Wands away." He said menacingly. Sirius and Peter put their wands away, the latter much faster than the former. James clutched his arm, face white with pain, as he awkwardly put his wand in a pocket, it would be pretty hard to get it back in his holster on his left arm considering his right was broken. Remus had a painful set of boils rupturing on one side of his face. Avery was on his knees, red-faced and furious as he struggled for breath whilst Mulciber was shaking his head, clawing at the leeks coming out of his ears and Snape was rubbing the side of his head where he had been pushed into the wall. Professor McGonagall was next to arrive, escorted to the scene by the head girl. She shook her head in disappointment as she took in the usual culprits.
"All of you to the hospital wing, now." Flitwick said in a tone that brokered no argument. He flicked his wand at Avery, his tongue remained obscenely large but he seemed able to breathe a bit easier. "Professor McGonagall and I will find out what exactly happened here and Professor Slughorn will be summoned. Miss Edgecombe if you can disperse these watching students, Mr Redgrave, Miss Evans please come up to the hospital wing with us to ensure no more fights break out. Miss Evans, please escort Mr Potter." Lily looked at James who was beginning to look like he might pass out from the pain. "You can cancel your rather excellent shield as well Miss Evans." Lily cancelled her shield with a slight blush- it had left a scorch line on the walls, floor and ceiling.
"A broken arm?" Lily muttered to James, gesturing incredulously to the limb, her wand held loosely in her hand, in case anyone else got trigger happy with their wands.
James nodded with a grunt. "Didn't even get a spell off."
"Who cast it? That's pretty extreme for a corridor duel." James grimaced, he knew exactly who cast it. It seemed like Severus Snape's eternal hatred for him hadn't been tempered at all by James' apology or the Christmas holidays.
"Dunno." He said with a shrug, hissing in pain when the thoughtless motion jolted his arm.
"Here." Lily said worriedly, tugging him gently to a stop. She murmured an incantation and the pain was numbed. James sighed in relief.
"Godric… thanks Red that's loads better."
"What happened?" Lily asked quietly.
James looked at the back of Sirius' head where he was walking in stony silence with Peter and Remus. "Avery took a cheap shot at Sirius. He brought up something from his childhood which he shouldn't have known." He turned to Lily, his face filled with worry for the other marauder. "He's been on a knife's edge since Cassi- " James' voice caught in his throat. "Since St Mungo's, and they bloody well know it. They're like a bunch of nifflers once they've caught a glimpse of something shiny and they keep pushing and pushing." James frowned. "He's gonna snap soon, I just know it." Lily sighed. Next to the muggleborns Sirius Orion Black was the next biggest target in Hogwarts. He'd been the victim of countless jibes and taunts from the second he'd been sorted into Gryffindor, way back in first year. His very existence was a joke to many of the Slytherins. Lily supposed that was probably one of the main reasons the marauders began pranking in the first place- to get back at Sirius' tormentors. They didn't say much more as they made their way towards the hospital wing, James was too tense to even make a joke about Avery's tongue which had been unceremoniously draped over his shoulders to keep it from dragging on the floor.
Upon Madams Lambert and Pomfrey taking in the scene and triaging the injured students- Madam Lambert had given James a filthy look before going to sort out Avery while with a small sigh Madam Pomfrey began to sort James with Remus next in line- McGonagall and Flitwick began questioning the students to try and find out what happened.
"Thanks Madam." James said quietly as she tended to him.
"Why is it always you lot." The young mediwitch sighed, James gave her a half-hearted smile, shrugging the shoulder of his non-broken arm. The Professors eventually got around to interrogating the marauders and they were promptly punished. Sirius had detention every night that week with Peter, James and Sirius joining him tonight, Wednesday and Friday. McGonagall waved off James' protests that Remus had only cast shield charms and didn't even join in the fight, she wasn't mentally prepared to listen to anything more from the students and attempt to sift out the lies and the half-truths. As much as she liked the marauders for all their cheeky charm, they were a huge pain in the rear end and their continuous conflict with more or less the same group of students every time was getting old.
Regulus Black slunk out of the shadows around the corner of the portrait of the Fat Lady, he was biting the nail of his thumb before he caught himself and returned his hands to his sides.
"Sirius." He said in a low voice. Sirius looked at him, they were just returning from the hospital wing. Sirius narrowed his eyes in anger. Regulus winced. "Can I have a word?"
Sirius motioned to his friends to go on in. Lily Evans looked worriedly between the two siblings, before entering the Common Room.
"Listen-" Regulus began.
"What are you playing at, Regulus?" Sirius growled, advancing towards him. Regulus took a hasty step back. "I don't know where the fuck you found the right to tell all your slimy friends about my childhood."
"I didn't-" Regulus grimaced. "It was an accident. I was overheard-"
"Oh, overheard. So you were telling someone else, were you?"
Regulus scowled. "I was telling someone I trust. If you must know, I was talking about how fanatic some people are about muggles and was using Mother's reaction and what she did to your dog as an example." He glared at his older brother defiantly.
"As if you're not as fanatic as she is." Sirius said, although it was somewhat half-heartedly.
Regulus crossed his arms. "You know I'm not." He took a breath. "I'm sorry Avery overheard… are you ok?"
Sirius ran a hand over his face. "I'm fine, just in trouble…" Regulus was looking at him intently. The rest of Sirius' temper was cooled by Regulus' concern, he waved a hand through the air. "It's fine, I just- I'm just angry a lot of the time. Don't worry about it." Regulus sighed, shutting his eyes for a moment. He really, really wished he could go back in time and change something, anything that would put him and Sirius on the same side. But he couldn't, and they weren't.
"Ok." He finally said. "You'd better go in, before your mates begin to think we're duelling each other or something." Sirius gave him a ghost of a smile before Regulus turned away, hands in his pockets as he returned to the dungeons. No doubt to be regaled by a mocking Avery about what happened. Prick.
Sunday 2nd February 1977 James Potter was currently in the library attempting to get on top of his homework in preparation for being knackered tomorrow after a night spent with Remus on the full moon. Remus was in the hospital wing wracked with aches and pains as he waited to be taken down to the shrieking shack. Sirius and Peter had been with James but had wandered down to the kitchens to get some snacks and have a study break. James sighed as he leaned back in his chair, the front legs coming up off the floor as he ran a hand through his hair. He only had the concluding paragraph for an arithmancy essay left to do but he was finding it increasingly hard to concentrate due to the hushed talking of a group of students sat at a table behind him. They were a group of fifth years and James had spotted the colours of all the houses in their little group and while he would normally support inter-house unity, in this case he just wished they would shut up.
"I knew she was a slag, but I didn't expect that."
"I don't think she's that bad, her brother was always really nice."
"Yeah, well he's the head boy, he has to be."
"Jane said that Elliot said that she's never coming back."
"Well would you? I mean 15 and pregnant? Ew." There was a scattering of laughter. James clenched his quill tightly, they were just stupid fifth-years they didn't know what they were talking about.
"Who do you think the father is?"
"Everyone thinks it's one of the Slytherins, have you heard anything Jacinta?"
"Just rumours, so far, a few people think it was one of the sixth years, but no one knows much, I mean she's not exactly pure is she?"
There was a giggle. "In more ways than one, now!" The group laughed again.
James span around to face them, they were making light of a horrible situation that Lucy Redgrave was in, she had potentially been raped and they were making out that she was some sort of whore.
"Can you lot just shut the fuck up." He demanded, his voice so low it came out as more of a growl. They looked at him in shock.
"You think it's funny that someone forced themselves on a fourth year?"
"Listen up Potter-" One of the boys began.
"No you listen up." James said, eyes narrowed as his voice rose, carrying through the library. "Someone in this castle has committed a disgusting crime against Lucy and she's been left with the child of her rapist. Can you just think about that for one bloody second? She hasn't even got her OWL's, what kind of a situation does that leave her in? She's been violated and abused and you pathetic excuses for humans have the audacity to make fun of her? You have the audacity to sit there and call her a slut, you have no idea what she's going through. You're gossiping about her as if she's not just a student like you." He pointed at the Hufflepuff girl who was in their little group disgustedly. "A member of your own house and you haven't said anything to defend her or stop these other twats from dragging her name through the mud. Have some bloody empathy! That poor girl has had to quit her education because some pervert wanted to experiment with unforgivables and looking at you lot you're almost as bad, you disgust me." There was an echoing silence as James picked up his books and equipment, shoving them into his bag. He turned to leave and met Madam Pince's eyes in his aisle, Professor Sprout was stood at Madam Pince's desk further on, looking at him with a strange expression.
"Detention in here tonight at seven o' clock Mr Potter for disturbing the library." The librarian said.
"Of course Madam." James bit out, sweeping past her, ignoring the eyes of the other students as they looked at him expressions ranging from respect, to fear, to anger. James looked ahead, holding himself back from a strong desire to push over a few bookshelves and he was out in the corridor and striding back to Gryffindor tower before he let out a groan- he was now going to be late for Moony.
A/N: Well, there we go. Severus and Lily have a much needed conversation. In this story as much as Lily is loathe to do it she decides that it's best for Sev if they basically cut themselves off from each other due to the friendship between a muggleborn and an already struggling half-blood trying to make something of himself in opposite houses is too problematic. But they still care about each other.
There's also a bit of a flashback to Sirius' childhood mentioning some of the more mental abuse he suffered growing up and how extreme some people's prejudices are. Tensions are generally running pretty high and James is getting stressed.
The next chapter will be an exciting one addressing the infamous 'prank' on Snape involving an unsuspecting werewolf.
Please let me know what you think in the reviews and follow/favourite to keep up with the story. Thanks for reading! :)