A/N: Alrighty then, here's another chapter, a nice long one for you.
Warning- there are references to suicide in this chapter.
"James?" She hissed, from around the corner and she recoiled back as he visibly jumped and then straightened up and fluidly fired a stunner towards her. It missed of course and she stuck her head around the corner again angrily. "What the hell was that for?"
"Lily?"
"Yes, Lily you dumb-" Lily cut herself off as she took him in, he was as white as a sheet except for three crimson scratches which ran from the right side of his nose to the middle of his right cheek, dripping thin trails of blood from his cheek onto his robes. Which were too short on him and most definitely not of the quality he usually wore. Not like Lily normally noted what robes he wore, it wasn't like she looked- not the time. James' eyes were wide behind his glasses and his hair was even more of a mess than usual, and the person he'd painstakingly carried across the grounds was-
"Severus?" Lily's blood ran cold as she took in her old friend's motionless body at James' feet. She latched furious green eyes on James as she strode towards him.
"He's just stunned." James' said, his hands spread wide in surrender as he held his wand loosely and non-threateningly.
"What the hell is going on?" Lily hissed.
James ran a hand through his hair again in aguish. "It's not what it looks like, I need to get him to the headmaster-"
"The headmaster?" Lily said, shocked. "Why would you-" Her eyes fell on a patch of moonlight that fell across the floor before darting back to the suspicious claw-like scratches on James' face. "Is this something to do with Remus?"
James' face, if possible turned even paler. "I don't know what you're talking about but I need to get Snape to-"
"I know what he is, James! And I saw your little trick! If something happened-"
"Nothing happened, I just need to see-"
"-Sev's always had his theories, but I don't care-"
"Why are you even out here-"
"-your face? Did Remus do something-"
"Dammit, Lily." James near shouted making her recoil once again. "I have to get to Dumbledore, right now." His tone had turned pleading and he looked… scared? "Just… just meet me in the room of requirement tonight, ok? Snape is fine, but something's happened and I have to see Dumbledore." His chest was rising and falling rapidly and his eyes were wild as they cast about the room before locking beseechingly onto hers.
Lily crossed her arms but she settled at his obvious desperation and she frowned, wondering what could possibly have happened to cause James to become this undone. "Ok, fine. I'll be waiting in the room of requirement after I've finished up in the greenhouses." And it was a testament to how out of sorts James was that he didn't even question what she was out doing, instead just nodding distractedly and levitating Snape, making his way up the stairs as he tried to get his breathing under control. Lily watched him go, feeling more than a little worried about what might have happened.
Worry over Filch catching him wandering about the castle after hours with an unconscious student floating before him added itself to the throbbing knot of anxiety and emotion that was currently pounding against the inside of James' head as he made liberal use of the school's shortcuts to try and make his way to Dumbledore's office as quick as possible. He stood in front of the gargoyle.
"I have an emergency and I need to see Headmaster Dumbledore." He announced to the masonry. Would Dumbledore's sleeping quarters even be connected to his office? In James' worry he hadn't even considered the possibility that Dumbledore might live in another part of the castle. Panic rose up in James' throat so fast, he thought he might choke on it. "Please." He begged the statue. "It concerns Remus Lupin's furry little problem." The gargoyle remained motionless and just when James was about to either collapse into tears or begin throwing hexes at the damn thing it blinked and jumped aside, revealing the staircase. James let out a relieved sigh that was suspiciously close to a sob as he climbed up the staircase with his unconscious charge. The door swung open to reveal Dumbledore's office and the headmaster himself was sat regally behind his desk. He was wearing a striking violet nightshirt decorated with bucking hippogriffs and a matching sleeping hat and slippers. If it had been any other situation James would have laughed at the mighty and wise Albus Dumbledore dressed in such attire as he regarded him very seriously over his spectacles, but as it was James could only unceremoniously dump Snape on the floor, before addressing the headmaster.
"There's been a problem Professor."
"So it would seem Mr Potter." Replied the headmaster calmly. "If you would please arrange Mr Snape in a chair and take a seat yourself and then perhaps you can explain to me what brings you here at such an hour." James did so, gracelessly setting Snape on a chair- his head lolling backwards, before sitting down himself.
"A prank has gone wrong, headmaster." He began in a dead voice, his pulse thudding in his ears. "I returned from my detention this evening to find that a certain someone." James gritted his teeth. "Thought it would make for a hilarious prank to inform Snape here, of the place where Remus undergoes his transformations." As he explained the situation all the anger that had been festering under James' panic rose to the surface once again and he just couldn't find it within himself to defend Sirius' actions to the headmaster. "We have found out over the years about the special circumstances you've kindly provided for Remus, sir. It's not Remus' fault, the rest of us just can't leave well enough alone and we've gradually wheedled it out of him. As I understand it, Snape can't leave well enough alone either and he often makes pointed remarks about Remus'…"
"Furry little problem?" Dumbledore provided a slight twinkle in his eyes despite the grave mood. James managed a small smile as he inclined his head, too strung out to wonder how Dumbledore knew James' nickname for Remus' condition.
"Yes, professor. Snape never outright says it but it's heavily implied. He was informed how to get past the willow, apparently in the hopes that he would get a scare and then not pursue the matter any further. Though why he possibly thought that would work, I have no idea." James took a breath. "Upon learning of the danger to Remus of being discovered, or even worse accidentally infecting or killing Snape, I decided to go after him. I followed Snape into the passageway and stunned him from behind to get him out of there." James purposely left out any mention of a stand off between him and Moony. "I wasn't quite fast enough and I believe Snape glimpsed Remus in his transformed state and I'm certain he'll expose Remus." James- whose gaze had been fixed resolutely on a hippogriff on Dumbledore's sleeping hat as he told his tale finally looked him in the eye. "I didn't know what to do sir, so I came straight to you."
"What of your injuries Mr Potter?" Asked Dumbledore.
"The whomping willow got me, Professor, I'll be fine."
"Am I correct in assuming Mr Black was the one who set up this… prank?" The headmaster asked quietly. James clenched his jaw and gave a stiff nod. "Was Mr Pettigrew involved?" The hurt and shock from the night's events welled up in James once more and he had to take a shaky breath before replying.
"I think he just went along with it, sir. Although, I'm not sure if that's any better."
"I see." Professor Dumbledore said and he turned to Snape, who was starting to twitch. "Let's hear the other side of the story shall we? Renervate." Snape came awake with a jerk and his eyes snapped to James who didn't even look at him, preferring to stare listlessly at Fawkes who was curled up on his perch watching the proceedings. Snape was understandably disorientated and confused, James had after all hit him with five or six stunners in total point blank.
"You!" Snape spat, his hand which had been reaching to cradle his aching head reaching for his wand instead as he spotted James.
"Please refrain from spell casting in my office, Mr Snape." Dumbledore said, still eerily calm.
"Headmaster!" Snape said in shock, looking around and finally taking in his new surroundings. "Professor, there is a dark and highly dangerous creature masquerading as a student!"
"Is there indeed?" The headmaster said benignly.
Snape sputtered, visibly shocked and outraged by Dumbledore's nonchalance. "I have practically concrete evidence that Remus Lupin is a werewolf."
"You witnessed Mr Lupin transforming into a werewolf before your very eyes?"
Snape's mouth worked for several seconds silently before any sound managed to come out. "No" He forced out. "But I did see a werewolf, right here on the grounds!" James was watching their exchange a curious expression beginning to steal over his miserable visage.
"Are you quite sure what you witnessed was on Hogwarts grounds, Mr Snape?"
"Beneath the whomping willow, Headmaster. Through a passage-" understanding dawned in Snape's eyes as an odd mix of disbelief, outrage and venomous hatred appeared. "Through a passageway which I assume took me off the Hogwarts grounds." Snape forced out through gritted teeth.
"You would be correct in your assumption Mr Snape." Dumbledore said, studying the young Slytherin.
"That doesn't take away from the fact that he-" he pointed an accusing finger at James. "-and his accomplices attempted to knowingly send me into the clutches of a werewolf! I believe that counts as attempted murder! Potter and his pathetic friends should be expelled and locked up!" James averted his gaze from his nemesis, shaking his head, Snape was right. He could've been killed tonight, James had nothing to say.
"Actually." Said Dumbledore softly. "I believe Mr Potter here saved your life." Snape sputtered again, his cheeks flushed with anger.
"I hardly think that counts if he's the one who put me in danger in the first place!" Shouted the Slytherin teen, Dumbledore didn't react to his student's raised voice, his placid expression remained unchanged.
"Mr Potter here risked himself to save your life, he had no prior knowledge of the 'attempt on your life' as you so put it Mr Snape. In fact, as far as I am aware the circumstances dictate that you owe him a life debt." James was stunned as he took in the Headmaster's words, this conversation had taken a very different turn to what he'd been expecting. Snape, however was near apoplectic with rage.
"A LIFE DEBT?" He shouted incredulously. "TO JAMES POTTER?" Snape was on his feet and his disbelieving rage sent a small shiver down James' spine. "I WON'T HAVE IT! I DO NOT-" He choked, his words cut off. "I do not-" He coughed again and a perverse part of James wanted to offer him a cough drop but he resisted the urge. "I do not-" Snape sank into his chair, his face a devilish mask of loathing towards James and a writhing bitter anger at what had happened.
"Mr Snape." Dumbledore said gently. "I believe that is your magic confirming that you do, in fact owe James Potter a life debt." Snape's expression cleared, becoming a blank mask.
James waved a hand. "You can repay it by keeping your mouth shut about whatever you think you saw."
Dumbledore's eyebrows rose. "Are you quite sure Mr Potter? I, myself am not 100% certain what does and does not fall within the parameters of repaying a life debt other than if Mr Snape ever saves your life in turn, it will be forgiven."
James nodded, he didn't fully know if you could negotiate a life debt either, but he had to stop word about Remus getting out. "If you take a vow right now that you will not tell anyone of the circumstances surrounding how you came to be in my debt, what you saw tonight and what you know or think you know about Remus Lupin then I'll consider your debt repaid." Snape sneered, he'd practically confirmed what Snape had been thinking all along about the Gryffindor prefect. A refusal was on the tip of his tongue before the reality of his situation came crashing down. He owed James Potter a life debt, he could almost taste bile rising in his throat at that. Was there anything worse? The bastard had already demonstrated how much better than him he thought he was by offering a half-hearted apology, could Severus live knowing he owed his life to Potter? If he made a vow now to not expose Lupin and basically forget everything that's happened, that could be it, the debt would likely be repaid.
Besides if he didn't repay this debt it meant he would never be able to kill Potter himself.
James' hand shook slightly as he extended it for a vow, he steadied it with a force of will. Having a potential death eater owe you a life debt might be a very useful thing to have. James had his suspicions about Severus Snape, he couldn't prove anything but he'd bet a bag of galleons he was a death eater in-training. On the other hand, if James didn't force Snape into a vow of some kind he just knew that the asshole would spread it all through Hogwarts that Remus was a werewolf and he'd be forced to leave. Remus didn't deserve that- he was smart and a hard worker and one of the kindest blokes around. His anger at Sirius flared up again- this was all his fault. If James could spare Remus this, even though it lost him such a useful advantage, it would be worth it.
Albus watched as the two boys in front of him gritted their teeth and clasped hands, the headmaster could practically see their loathing for each other in their auras. Albus blinked- James Potter's magic was Gryffindor red, burning hot and rolling like a wave from his body the throbs and eddies revealing undercurrents of orange, white and gold before disappearing back into the red mass; Severus Snape's on the other hand was rigid- a shimmering grey-black, much like the boy's eyes. It rotated steadily, revealing streaks of a dark black and a blinding pure silver, he wore his magic like an armour. The two auras sparked and clashed, each as unbending as the other. Within another blink their auras had disappeared and the headmaster muffled a sigh.
He had just settled down with a piping hot mug of hot chocolate and a good novel, finally setting an evening aside for reading for pleasure- an activity he sorely missed- when he'd been alerted to James Potter's pleas to speak to him. He didn't know what he'd expected from the boy but it hadn't been this, meanwhile the poor werewolf in question- the young Remus Lupin- had no idea one of his closest friends was currently bargaining for what could very well be Remus' life and Albus Dumbledore couldn't do anything to help. He couldn't force Mr Snape to promise not to reveal his secret because it was practically against the law that Remus was even able to attend Hogwarts. The Headmaster had been lobbying for more rights to young lycanthropes for a while when he had accidentally stumbled into Mr Lupin senior in St Mungo's one day. His young son had just been through his first full transformation and was recovering in the hospital when he bumped into Albus and took him aside to beg that young Remus be allowed to attend Hogwarts. After years of negotiation the board and the ministry had finally allowed it, on the conditions that it was a trial to see if it was possible for a lycanthrope to get through an education without incident. Albus had hired the young assistant medi-witch Madam Pomfrey to keep detailed notes on how Remus coped. It was part of the reason young Mr Lupin was so studious and had earned the prefect's badge through his model behaviour- with the occasional prank- his time at Hogwarts was conditional and it filled the headmaster with a deep sadness to think it might all be thrown away in a childish rage by one of his closest friends.
"You're sure you wish to do this?" He asked the two teens finally. They nodded, glaring at each other. "An oath of secrecy?" They nodded again. "Mr Potter, what will the terms be?"
"That Severus Snape will not reveal to anyone what happened tonight or the circumstances that led to him owing me a life debt or indirectly tell anyone; that he will not reveal anything he saw tonight to anyone directly or indirectly and that he will never reveal his suspicions, theories or deductions about Remus Lupin or indirectly lead anyone else to his suspicions, theories or deductions and in doing so I, James Potter will consider his life debt to me paid in full. On pain of revenge and retribution and at the risk of being an oathbreaker shall it be." James paused for a moment trying to think if he missed anything. Glad he had gone through unbreakable vows and oaths with his father. The last sentence was a traditional finisher to an oath of secrecy quoted from the Potter grimoire that Monty had made sure James knew. Oaths of secrecy weren't as powerful as an unbreakable vow, they didn't need the extensive approval of at least three unrelated Wizengamot seats or the minister of magic to be legal and could therefore be broken much more easily. Oaths of secrecy also didn't kill you if you broke them, they were still hard to break and Snape would basically be under a compulsion spell to not reveal what he'd sworn to keep secret. The Potters dealt with this by adding their finisher which stated that James could basically hunt down Snape for vengeance- and have a plausible reason for doing so that would hold up in court- if he broke their oath and Snape's magic would be marked as that of an oathbreaker which wasn't a shiny endorsement for wizarding citizens.
"Do you agree Mr Snape?" Professor Dumbledore asked, drawing his wand. Snape thought for a minute before nodding. James repeated the oath.
"And so it shall be." Snape spat out, completing the oath. Dumbledore tapped their clasped hands with his wand and a thread of white magic twined around their wrists before disappearing with a flash. The two boys hastily released each other and James resisted the urge to wipe his palm on his trouser leg.
"Is that it then, Headmaster?" Snape spoke into the silence. "You're going let them off scot free?" His face might have been clear but his voice was filled with hate, towards whom? James wasn't entirely sure. Dumbledore's voice was grave.
"Indeed, I am not. Mr Snape this 'prank' was incredibly dangerous and could have resulted in one or both of you being gravely injured or worse, killed." His eyes rested a moment on the scratches on James' face. James' shifted uncomfortably, a vague tingling feeling alerting him that his pain-numbing charm was probably starting to fade. Dumbledore retrieved his wand from a pocket and tapped an instrument on his desk. "Please alert Professor Slughorn and Professor McGonagall that their presence is required in my office immediately along with Misters Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew." Dumbledore sat back in his padded chair once more. "The perpetrators will be punished Mr Snape."
"They will be expelled, then?"
"I haven't yet expelled a student in all my time at Hogwarts as headmaster and I hope to never have to." As much as James couldn't imagine life at Hogwarts without the marauders he couldn't find much of an argument within himself that that shouldn't be their punishment for what they did, but where would Sirius go? And Peter didn't exactly have many resources if he wanted to continue his education privately. James ran a hand through his hair, two of his three best friends had probably just ruined their lives over this.
"If this isn't deserving of expulsion Headmaster, then I shudder to think what is." Snape said coldly, James was taken aback by his lack of respect for the Professor and he shuddered himself as he thought of Lucy Redgrave and the fact that her attacker hadn't been expelled and was unlikely to be.
"I am of the belief Mr Snape, that a punishment other than expulsion might be of more use in this situation."
"If I might be so bold as to ask, what exactly?" Snape asked, his voice harsh, Dumbledore looked at him with flashing eyes and Snape swallowed as he visibly reigned in his temper.
"I will of course consult with their head of house." The headmaster said, the flash of impatience in his eyes gone as quickly as it came. "But something along the lines of a loss of school points, detentions, banning of extra-curricular activities, in-school suspension and a mark on their permanent records." He was looking at James as he spoke as if to watch for his reaction, James winced internally but he kept his face dull. "And there will of course be the punishment in the form of the toll this will take on the perpetrator's relationships within Hogwarts." His eyes stayed on James and Snape only just managed to restrain an audible scoff. How very Gryffindor. Assuming this will affect the friendship between Potter and his bastard friends and counting it as punishment. As if Potter won't welcome him back immediately with a pat on the back for a smashing prank idea. The headmaster's blatant nepotism for the Gryffindors was nauseating. A few minutes of awkward silence passed before Dumbledore's blue-eyed gaze fell on his office door.
"Come in Professor McGonagall." The Head of Gryffindor swept in, still managing to look imposing, in spite of her tartan dressing gown and matching slippers. Her normal severe hairstyle had been foregone, as she had obviously been ready for bed and waves of sleek back hair tumbled down her back. James looked at her and a small smile graced his lips, as much as the marauders had jokingly flirted with their head of house, the transfiguration professor was only in her mid forties which wasn't even middle aged by wizard standards and she was a striking lady. James' smile disappeared as he caught sight of Sirius and Peter following behind her looking pale and apprehensive as they took in the scene. James' jaw clenched and he resolutely looked away, though he was slightly gratified by the dark bruise that had spread over Sirius' cheek were James had punched him.
"Headmaster." Professor McGonagall began, "what exactly is the reason for this?" She looked sharply between the gathered teens taking note of the sneer of Sirius Black as he looked at Snape, Snape returned the expression with venom, Peter looked between his two other friends, wringing his hands in worry and James- his face was covered in nasty looking scratches and he ignored his dorm mates. Dumbledore conjured more chairs for all the people present in his now quite busy office.
"It seems that Mr Pettigrew and Mr Black are involved in a highly ill-thought out prank against Mr Snape that resulted in him being put in grave danger- a situation that Mr Potter here retrieved him from." Snape's face twisted at the Professor's words. "Mr Snape could have been killed and another student compromised-"
"So you do admit that it is another student who's a were-" Snape spat victoriously, and also uselessly as both James and Dumbledore had basically already confirmed that theory. Snape was obviously just feeling extra petty and spiteful tonight James thought.
"Mr Snape!" Commanded Professor McGonagall sternly. "You will not interrupt the headmaster while he is speaking!" Snape sank back into his chair once more. Dumbledore calmed her with a raised hand and addressed Snape.
"Contrary to what you seem to believe Mr Snape, I am aware of what goes on in my school." The Slytherin swallowed back a retort on how he wasn't doing a very good job of being a headmaster then considering the situations regarding the head boy and head girls younger siblings- and how their attackers had not been found yet- along with what had almost happened tonight.
"This behaviour is not tolerated in Hogwarts." Dumbledore said, addressing Sirius and Peter. Sirius was pale but stoic whilst Peter's eyes were wide. "You put more than two students at risk tonight, boys. And you will be punished." Peter's lip quivered and he began to talk.
"It wasn't my idea headmaster, I swear-" He babbled, Sirius shot him a disgusted look and even Snape sneered. Dumbledore raised an imperious hand again and Peter stopped talking, looking mortified.
"I am aware of this Mr Pettigrew. Come on in Professor Slughorn." A puffing Slughorn clad in silk pyjamas and a luxurious dressing gown entered the office. He mopped his shiny head with a handkerchief and looked around in surprise. "Albus- Minerva- what is going on?"
It was the head of Gryffindor who replied, tightening the belt of her dressing gown as she spoke. "It seems some of my charges have been involved in a stupid and dangerous prank that has put Mr Snape and Mr Potter both in great danger. The headmaster was just about to discuss punishment." She glared at Sirius and Peter. Dumbledore inclined his head in agreement and Slughorn took a moment to absorb the information before conjuring himself a decadent emerald velvet armchair and seating himself just behind Snape with as much dignity as he could in his pyjamas in the small office. James studiously ignored the looks Sirius was shooting him, focusing on the headmaster instead.
"Mr Snape and Mr Potter you will both be in detention on Wednesday evening this week for being outside of the castle after hours." James was somewhat surprised but he understood the headmaster's reasoning, you might as well punish them all in one go. Snape looked as if he wanted to object but he refrained, settling instead on glaring at Sirius and James alternately. "Mr Pettigrew, you will be in detention twice a week until the end of term for not putting a stop to Mr Black's rash idea and going along with it, you will be suspended within school for two weeks and thirty points from Gryffindor." Peter looked stricken and he seemed to shrink into himself.
"Mr Black, this was a ridiculous notion that put people's lives in danger." Sirius, for what it was worth did look abashed and he accepted the Head's words with a nod. "You will have detention three times a week for the rest of term and once a week until the end of the school year, fifty points will be taken from Gryffindor and you will be suspended in-school for four weeks." Sirius raised his eyes to the headmaster's and they widened as Dumbledore continued to list his punishments gravely. "You are also banned from Quidditch for the rest of your time at Hogwarts and a permanent mark will be put on your school record, this will affect what jobs you can apply for after Hogwarts." Sirius' mouth opened in shock and he paled. McGonagall grimaced but knew it was necessary whilst James ruthlessly forced down the sympathy he felt for his dorm mate. Dumbledore fixed him with a sad look. "Your actions have consequences Sirius. Believe me, I understand the temptation to give in to your temper and Merlin knows you have your own trials that you're dealing with. But as humans in this world we are tasked with doing what is right- not what seems easiest." The students were transfixed by his words and James was surprised when the Headmaster seemed to look at Snape meaningfully as he said this. The silence in the office was absolute, not even a snore could be heard from the portraits. "You will also write Mr Snape a personal letter of apology for your actions this evening." He moved his eyes to catch Snape's dark gaze. "That is my punishment for this affair Mr Snape, and that will be all." Snape said nothing and was only able to summon a half-hearted sneer towards the marauders before Professor Slughorn was directed to escort him back to the common room via the hospital wing. Once they left Professor Dumbledore turned to James.
"I need to discuss the parameters of Misters Black and Pettigrew's suspensions with Professor McGonagall, you are free to go Mr Potter." James stood up quickly, he didn't even look at Peter and Sirius, his night was far from over- he needed to figure out what Lily knew, how she knew it and what he could tell her.
"If you could also please take a visit to Madam Lambert Mr Potter." Dumbledore said as James reached the door. James grimaced, his back to the headmaster. He had to talk to Lily, tonight. He pasted a pitiful look on to his face and turned around.
"Please, Professor, if it's alright can I go tomorrow before class? I'm just exhausted and it's been a long night." His gaze flickered towards his friends, before he averted it, his expression pained.
Dumbledore considered it for a moment before he took pity on the boy and inclined his head. "Very well, Mr Potter, but you must go before your classes in the morning. The whomping willow gives a nasty slap." James thanked him. "And well done tonight, Mr Potter. Your actions were also rash and dangerous but I do not even want to consider what might have happened if you had not acted as you did." It was now James' turn to incline his head gratefully and he left. The Headmaster's office was on the sixth floor this year so he didn't have far to walk to get to the room of requirement. He paced in front of the familiar tapestry, the tingly feelings of the fading pain-number getting more intense. I need a place to meet with Lily. I need a place to meet with Lily. The door appeared and Lily whirled around as he walked in. He looked around. It looked kind of like a smaller Gryffindor common room just less violently red and gold and more… neutral with red and gold accents. There was a warm fire and a comfortable looking sofa in front of it and a huge rug covered almost the entire room, leaving only a border of tile around the outside of the room. It was well lit but not glarey and James almost smiled as he took it in. There was a clock over the fireplace and James was shocked to see it was just about to turn eleven- he felt like he'd been up the whole night, he was so exhausted. He looked at Lily, she was lit by the firelight, her hair in a careless ponytail, her wand stuck through it behind her bobble. Her cloak had been discarded over the sofa, next to a bag, leaving her in a pair of muggle jeans and a faded baggy jumper with University of Liverpool printed on it, James absently recalled that she had told him that her father had gone to medical school in Liverpool. James felt some of the tension leave his shoulders as he took her in and his heart did its very familiar back flip. She looked as if she wanted to say a million things but was restraining herself with difficulty.
"What the hell is going on?" She asked finally. James sighed wincing as the movement jostled the dried blood that had stuck to his clothes. He walked around the sofa to join her in front of the fire, holding his hands out to warm them.
"Can we start by you telling me what you know?" His brief moment of relaxation faded and he braced himself for a bombardment. She crossed her arms over her chest and gathered herself.
"I know Remus is a werewolf. He doesn't know I know and I've been thinking for a while that you guys also do something on full moons, though God knows what. I also… I saw you transform into a stag." James grimaced, Morgana's tits this was going to be a long night. "And you did… something to the willow and you carried Severus back up to the castle like a bloody sack of potatoes whilst he was apparently unconscious, and then you needed to see the headmaster. And your face looks really sore and is Sev even ok?" She was almost shouting by the last and she threw up her hands in exasperation. James swallowed, his heart rate sped up as he considered how exactly he was going to explain this mess. He took a breath, his sides twinging with pain as he took a step away from the fire and faced the defiant Lily.
"Ok, I- Ok- So- listen before I say anything can you swear to me that you won't reveal anything I tell you to anyone."
Lily nodded. "Of course, you have my word. I can swear on my magic if you-"
"No!" James' hands went to hers to force it down from where it was reaching for her wand. "No, you don't have to do that, I trust you." He released her hand and ran his own through his hair, his heart thudding. This was it. Their adventures with Moony on the full moon were some of the biggest secrets James had. Was he really about to go and spill them all to Lily? His hand fisted in his hair and he looked at her in aguish. Could she be trusted? Yes, it's Lily of course she can. He could be sent to prison for being an illegal animagus and Remus was a werewolf… well she's got no motive to send you to prison and she did say earlier that she didn't care about his condition. His hands dropped to his side and he took a deep breath, here goes nothing.
"I blew up in the library earlier at some prats who were gossiping about Lucy Redgrave being a whore, I yelled at them and got detention. When I got to the dorm after my detention Sirius and Peter were- they were laughing. Saying how they had told Snape how to get past the whomping willow- the willow guards the secret passageway that Remus goes down that leads to the shrieking shack. That's where he transforms each month, away from the castle." A bubble of panic was rising in James' chest, they hadn't ever told anyone about Remus and their full moons, was he betraying Remus yet again? But Lily already knew he was a werewolf and Peter and Sirius had already betrayed Remus tonight and goddammit he was angry at them! Confirming Lily's theory was nothing compared to their actions, it was Lily for goodness sake. "They told Severus he should go down there and see if his theories were true, tonight on a fucking full moon when Remus is down there, the bloody dickheads. I raced down and got to Snape before he could be attacked or killed, but he saw Remus and then Moony got out and I had to fight him-" The words were tumbling out of James rapidly and Lily was looking at him with an increasing sense of worry. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, straining against the odd robes he was wearing and his face was deathly pale.
"-went back in and I stunned Snape and had to get him out of the willow and to the castle because he knew. And then turns out there was a bloody life debt and I made him swear to keep his stupid mouth shut because Remus is a good man goddammit and he shouldn't be expelled and Sirius and Peter should never have fucking thought about it, never mind done it! And everything has gone to shit!- " His breath was coming in heaving gasps and he was clutching his sides as if every breath hurt. Lily was very concerned at this point and reached out a hand to steady him as he tottered slightly. "- and you saw me turn into a stag because I'm an animagus and have been for over a year because it helps him and he can't turn an animagus into a werewolf and doesn't hurt them if he's not provoked. And we fought and we've never hurt each other that badly, and he didn't understand and I had to leave him-" James voice cracked and Lily was thoroughly alarmed as a half sob forced its way out of him. "-and he's down there and has no idea about what's happened-" James stopped speaking as his panic attack finally overcame him and he sagged against a wall.
He couldn't breathe. His face stung. His neck hurt. His ankle throbbed. His torso burned. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.
Lily swore, she had once again found herself with James as he suffered a panic attack. She'd almost forgotten the fear that his wide eyes and gasping breaths raised in her. He was leaning against the wall and she supported him as she coaxed him down the wall to sit on the floor.
"Easy now." She said, her panic hidden behind a soothing exterior. He sat on the floor, still gasping and- why were her hands wet? Her mouth dropped open as she turned her hand around to see it was covered in blood. The dim light had hidden the fact that those odd black robes he was wearing were saturated with blood. She swore again, retrieving her wand from her ponytail, muttering a spell often used by medics and also tailors which split the robes at the seam and she easily extracted James from them. Lily swore as she took in the state of him, he needed the hospital wing, but how could she possibly explain the obvious claw marks and on a full moon no less? She wasn't good enough for this and she had no equipment. She'd been interning a few times a week with Madam Pomfrey and she knew more than the average student from her extra-curricular studies but she was still just a student. She sighed, she'd given James her word not to tell and he'd driven himself to a panic attack from sharing his secrets with her, she would just have to do her best. Heeding her thoughts, the room provided a medical trolley which appeared next to her, the lights became brighter, bringing out his grisly injuries in detail.
First things first. I need a calming draught. She would get nowhere with James panicking as he was. A bottle of a familiar potion appeared and she gave it a cursory sniff. Well it smelled ok. Merlin's balls, she hoped the room didn't kill James by giving her out of date potions. She poured it into his mouth after he offered a feeble resistance.
"Breathe with me now, James. In… out… in… out… there we go. I don't know about you but I'm getting deja vu." His breathing slowed and the next potion she needed was a blood replenisher. She noted the time she administered it on a handy piece of parchment that had appeared. "Ok, now just stay with me. James? Eyes open dummy, c'mon now." If you'd asked she couldn't have told you why insulting the boy seemed to make both of them calm down. Satisfied the panic attack was fading, she moved on to dealing with his injuries, at some point she had adjusted him so he was lying down and he looked at her through half-lidded eyes as she attended him. His shirt and jumper were badly slashed up and with a flick of her wand and nary a thought to the potential awkwardness having a half-naked James Potter lying in front of her would raise she got rid of them too. She gave an inhale and bit her bottom lip as she assessed his injuries, clearing them of congealed blood.
"That bad, huh?" He asked woozily. Lily ignored him. Aside from the cuts on his face he had a long thin cut surrounded by bruising which ran from above a collarbone to just underneath his jaw, there was a similar cut lacing across a bicep. Lily bade herself to ignore his toned chest and abs as she took him in. He had a line of scratches splitting the skin between his pectorals, overlapping a curious straight scar that stretched underneath his chest muscles practically all the way across. There were more sets of scratches and bruises across the thinner skin of his ribs and down one side. They didn't look good, his cuts a crimson so dark it was almost black and they practically screamed 'cursed wound' but it wasn't the scratches that had Lily most worried. No, the thing the red-head was most concerned about was a wound that marred the skin at the juncture of where the muscles of his neck- his trapezius Lily recalled- met his clavicle, the wound that was bleeding anew after she had cleaned the blood away- the great, deep bite wound that James seemed unaware of.
"Werewolf wounds." Muttered James. "Cursed, y'need-"
"Dittany laced with silver." Lily finished. "Yeah…" She exhaled, sitting back on her haunches as she tried to think. Ok, murtlap essence would be a good place to start. A jar appeared on the trolley next to her, she wondered if she was effectively stealing from the hospital wing. She cast a cleansing charm on her hands before taking a lump of gauze and soaking it in the essence. She began with the bite first, deciding to work from worst to best, she dabbed at the deep wound. James hissed in pain, the tendons on his neck standing out as he tensed up.
"Sorry." Lily said in a low voice. "I'm just cleaning your cuts with murtlap essence first, it'll soothe the pain in a minute just hang on." Articulating her thoughts out loud served to calm her and hopefully James would also find it helpful. She swiftly moved to each of his cuts, a small pile of soiled gauze building up next to her, she still couldn't believe the extent of his injuries, his skin was like marred ivory underneath the white lights the room had provided.
"Are you still with me? James?" He jolted slightly into wakefulness as she called his name.
"Yeah, I'm with you." He replied although it came out sounding more like a groan.
Lily cast her mind for a conversation topic that would keep him with it. She was hesitant to talk about his friends or pranks or something in case it drove him to another panic attack.
"Ok, talk to me about The Mugwumps. Do you have a favourite song?"
C'mon room, I don't suppose you have some dittany laced with silver in here? A bottle of normal dittany appeared, and Lily took a deep breath to try and contain her panic.
"Well I've always quite liked Cursed in the Back but Amortentia is pretty good too." James said absently, his voice tight.
Lily gave him a reply, encouraging him to keep talking as she thought furiously. Ok, ok. I need colloidal silver, it can be used in rare potions sometimes so hopefully it's here. A breath of relief escaped her as a bottle containing the liquid which held the microscopic silver particles appeared. She poured some into a small bowl and added dittany- it was one third silver to two thirds dittany and Lily was sending up a grateful prayer that Madam Pomfrey had decided to tell her about this when they had gone down a tangent about cursed wounds in one of Lily's shifts. A stirring rod appeared and she mixed up the solution before dipping in yet more gauze.
"Alright Bambi." She informed her patient. "Brace yourself because this is gonna burn."
"Bambi?" James asked with a ghost of a smile. "What is that- aaaaagggh." Whatever he had been going to say was cut off by a groan of pain as Lily swiped across the bite wound. His fists and jaw clenched as his back arched slightly and Lily watched in morbid fascination as the dark crimson colour of the cut was flushed out as it began to bleed anew.
"Fuck. Lily- please- that kills-"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry but hang on. Most pain killing potions interact with calming draughts and cursed wounds need a strong dose. The murtlap should help just bear with me." She wiped it once more with a clean edge of the gauze and a brighter, cleaner type of blood began to flow out. Ok, this was good that meant it would hopefully be alright. She wiped the darker blood that was trickling down his chest away preparing herself to move on to the scratches. "Hang in there James." She said in a low voice. "We've got a ways to go yet. These ones on your face are really going to hurt." A wooden spoon appeared on her medical trolley and she placed it between a clammy James Potter's teeth she started on the side of his nose, dragging a new piece of gauze across the three cuts, underneath his eye to the peak of his cheekbone where it ended. He groaned again and Lily tutted.
"I bet you don't even know how close you've come tonight to losing an eye, huh Bambi?" She wasn't completely sure why she was calling him Bambi and she would later tell herself it was her way of processing that James Potter was in fact a stag animagus, and also to get back at him for the countless nicknames he had for her. Before long, the cuts on his face had also lost their dark crimson, cursed appearance and she let the dittany do its work. She worried her lip in sympathy as a lone tear tracked its way from the corner of a closed eye into the hair by his ear and she moved on to the scratches on his torso.
James' chest was heaving and his hairline damp with sweat by the time she had treated all his cursed wounds- settling on pure dittany for the thin cut along his throat. She passed her wand ad her free hand over his cuts, focusing her magic.
"Pellis revivisco. Vulnerna sanentur." She ignored the clench in her heart at the latter spell. It was a counter curse and healing spell that her and Severus had theorised about last year and with Madam Pomfrey's help she had managed to turn it into a working spell. After several passes she sat back with a tired but pleased sigh. The cuts now looked several days old and his bruises had lessened considerably. She finished by applying dressings to the worse cuts and bandaging him up. James gingerly sat up, removing the spoon from his mouth and opening and closing it as he tried to work out the tightness in his jaw from biting down on it.
"Shit, Lily." He said, voice hoarse as he examined himself. "You're amazing." He looked up at her earnestly, rubbing at his eyes and the few tears that had escaped during the pain. "Thank you."
She waved his thanks away with a tired hand. "I think we need to talk." She said, looking at him. She watched as his throat bobbed as he swallowed and he ran a shaky hand through his hair, his breath already beginning to quicken. She squeezed his calf, which was the nearest part of him she could reach. "Please don't panic, James." She implored. "You've had a hellish night, but I just want to understand. You can trust me." She finished quietly.
A few deep breaths later, James quietly began to confirm that yes, Lily had heard correctly and he was in fact an unregistered animagus who kept Remus Lupin- the werewolf- company on full moons and had been doing so for over a year. James explained that Snape had been sent into the willow by Sirius who Lily reasoned must have lost control of his senses and had a moment of madness. She shook her head, of course Severus would want to see the werewolf with his own eyes- he'd been going on about Remus being a werewolf basically since first year.
James brokenly told her that he'd had to fight with Remus to get him back into the shack. He drew a leg up to lean his chin on, wincing when he remembered it was the knee he'd hit after his free fall down the stairwell, he left his legs lying straight out instead. Snape had been stunned and after some discussion with Dumbledore he had eventually sworn an oath not to tell. He relayed the punishment of Sirius and Peter to her, running a hand through his hair, Lily had realised over the course of their relatively new friendship that it was a sign for nerves or stress, rather than him being vain and wanting to look windswept.
James absently began cleaning and repairing his school jumper with his wand having given up on the pile of rags that used to be his shirt. He gingerly slipped it on over his head, it was loose on him and the neck of it slipped to the side revealing the bandage on his shoulder and the edge of his collarbone. It made him look surprisingly soft and vulnerable, a contrast to his usual confidence. He looked at her with a wide open expression and Lily resisted the urge to wrap him in a hug.
"What am I meant to say to them, Lily?" He asked, his voice a whisper in the quiet room. "I don't think I can even look at them right now. I'm so angry at it all."
"It's ok to be angry, James." She said consolingly. "Will you be able to get over it in time?"
A few moments passed and he fiddled with the cuffs of his jumper as he thought. He nodded. " 'course I will. They're my brothers. I'll forgive them in time, but honestly? I'm not sure if Remus will."
Lily raised her eyebrows in surprise, Remus was one of the kindest people she knew. James had caught her expression and he shook his head sadly. "Remus' entire life has revolved around his furry little problem. He hates his wolf, it's gotten better since we've been able to help him but-" He broke off, taking a breath to try and calm his emotions. "It literally tears him up… I've never seen a more scarred werewolf." His voice cracked and his eyes were filled with a haunting expression as he cleared his throat. "They're all self-inflicted, all his scars and Lily… he's covered in them." Lily sniffed, swallowing down the lump that had risen in her throat. "He was terrified when we eventually confronted him about his condition, convinced himself we were going to lynch him for it and he gets these- he falls into these slumps, when he's so depressed and it breaks my fucking heart." His last words left him on a sob as he ground the heels of his palms into his eyes to push back the tears. Lily was going to think he was an absolute sap but he didn't want to think about the time at the end of third year when they had found Remus with a tear-stained face standing on the edge of the astronomy tower, his reed-like body swaying with the wind- he didn't want to think what might have happened if he wasn't found when he was and talked down.
"And I c-can't fucking believe Sirius did this." James sobbed, hands still over his eyes, denying his pain. Lily scooted towards James, her own cheeks wet with tears and she wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
"It'll be ok." She said quietly, at somewhat of a loss for words. "Maybe not now, but soon." Silence reigned as James tried to regain control of himself.
"I'm sorry." He eventually said, removing his hands from bloodshot eyes. "It's been a long fucking day." Lily gave him a squeeze before retracting her arm and attempting a smile.
"You've been through the ringer and you don't need to apologise for having emotions." In reality, her estimation of him had actually increased. He had risked his life to save a rival and prevent Remus from doing something that would destroy him. He had carried said rival back up to the castle while practically bleeding out and had just demonstrated the depth of his affection and loyalty to his friends in the raw conversation they'd had. In fact, it seemed like she'd just seen the core of James Potter… and it was good, he was good… and Lily wasn't entirely sure how that made her feel. She got to her feet, extending a hand to help him up, which he took. "I think it's time for bed, don't you?" He nodded, giving her a small smile.
"So you called me Bambi…" He began as they left the room and made their way back to the Tower.
Lily smiled. "Bambi's this adorable cartoon deer, I'll have to show you sometime…" Their voices faded as they walked through the corridor.
The Common Room was dim as they prepared to part ways and James pulled Lily into a tight hug. She wrapped her arms around his midsection, her cheek pressed to his chest. It wasn't like other quick hugs they had shared, it was more intimate but not necessarily romantic. It was a good hug, and that surprised Lily, she would have never thought of James as a hugger, in fact she'd always imagined hugs from him would be all bony due to his lanky frame, but it wasn't it was…nice.
James knew he needed to let go of her but he really didn't want to. She had quite literally saved his life and now knew some of his biggest secrets and sat with him while he cried and given him a silly nickname of her own. And he knew he wasn't meant to feel this way about her any more now they were friends, but he really, really, really liked her and if hugs were all he was going to get of her then dammit he wanted them. He also couldn't quite believe that she was hugging him back and he discretely breathed in her comforting scent of raspberries, his chin resting on her head and it felt right, like they fit together.
"Thank you." He said quietly. She probably didn't know what she'd done for him tonight but he didn't know what else to say. Reluctantly he let her go and they went into their respective dorms.
"James-" Began Peter, looking out at James from his bed as his dorm mate walked in, Sirius too, watched him apprehensively.
"Don't." James said shortly. "Don't expect to hear anything from me anytime soon. What happened tonight makes me feel physically sick. And don't even think about going to Remus tomorrow in the hospital wing and making excuses, he'll hear it from me first." James picked up his pyjamas and limped into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.
A/N: Ok, let me know what you think. Some fics have entertained the marauders getting off easy for this, I could believe that Dumbledore would let them off but I think a harsh punishment gives them a jolt and forces them to grow up. This is also a big moment for James and Lily, it's really sinking in for her that he's more than meets the eye. And yes, there is mention of a suicidal Remus and honestly, from his behaviour in canon I don't think it's far-fetched, Lycanthropy sucks.
As always, favourite or follow if you fancy and leave a review to let me know what you thought of this chapter and what's gonna happen next. Cheers!