What I had known of the Spring Court, truly no longer existed. As we cleared the last trees out from the forest, all that lay in front of me was destruction and shame. In the early dawn light, whole balusters and large pieces of the manor's stone lay crumbled. Flowers within the unkempt garden grew uncontrolled, covering one whole side of the once beautiful estate. I shot a withering glare at Tamlin who limped behind me, purposely avoiding meeting my gaze. He should be ashamed of himself; one of the Seven High Lord's and he had allowed his Court to lay in waste and ruin. His people went hungry and afraid while he roamed the forest like a wraith. I forced my shaking hands to remain by my side and not wrapped around his devilish throat.
As I recalled the trapped and screaming figure inside him, I could not feel the same type of pity. He was tortured by demons of his own design. Feyre and Rhysand plagued him because he allowed them to. His own selfish, arrogant and hateful tendencies was what had spurred him in this direction, and this was a culmination that was years in the making. I would not let him continue to wallow in his self-righteous pity forever. Not when war loomed on the horizon, and discord was being sown even as we made our slow trek to his shambled manor. I would have to be tough, cold and demanding with him to see change.
The massive oak doors no longer stood at the entrance, and in the faint light I could see right in to a great hall and spiral staircase that lay under coats of dust, chipped paint and broken stone. It was as though someone had actually blasted apart the walls. I had no doubt this was Hybern's doing as his lordship had sat by apathetically. Fury nipped my tongue and it took my greatest display of control yet to not lash out at him. I was exhausted though, and this conversation was longer than a few minutes of burning fury. I knew this was to be long and slow dragged out. This was a male not even fully ready to see the devastation that his actions had caused, much less acknowledge it and change himself.
I stepped aside and allowed him to enter into his home first. He stopped at the threshold, where the great oak doors once stood, gripping the wooden frame tightly and stared disbelievingly. "I-I never thought this would be what I would be reduced to. The splendid home I once owned is no longer here." He had not spoken since the forest and his voice was rough and hoarse. The sound of vocal cords coming back to life.
"Well High Lord" I sneered sarcastically. "This is your own doing. Drink in everything you have done and lost in the process." I forced myself to stop there only out of the pull sleep was beginning to have over me. I still ached from head to toe, my tongue felt as though sand coated it and my throat burned from the screaming, I had done myself.
"Is there anywhere within your dilapidated manor that I may find a bed, or a semblance of one?" I asked coldly as I followed behind him into the manor. He stepped around blasted stone, hesitantly making his way as though something lurked around every shadowy corner. "Follow me" he murmured as he made his way gingerly up the mutilated spiral staircase.
"I haven't been back here in almost a year." He murmured softly, more to himself than me it seemed. "I had left the house to Hybern's commanders and lived within my forest for most of the time. Times after that, I-I barely remember my own house or what I did while here. It was as though I was submerged within a fog." I followed him silently down the devastated upstairs corridor. Pushing against one of the remaining closed doors, we stepped into what was once a glorious bedroom.
Cobwebs hung from virtually every wall, and no lights worked, but with the broken windows and shredded lace curtains, warm spring sunshine flooded into the room lighting every dusty surface. I almost moaned as I hurried to the massive bed that lay perched in the center. Ripping off my torn robe, and tossing down my broken sword and sheath, I plopped on its surface and ignored the dust cloud that swirled around me. The sheer exhaustion I was in, this felt like heaven itself. I wanted to burrow myself into these silken sheets and not come out for another few years. I was going to do just that when I saw Tamlin still standing at the door. He was looking at me with the most peculiar expression on his face, head slightly tilted to the side, eyes probing and mouth forming the perfect little "o".
"If I may have some privacy High Lord." I snarled out, sitting up, suddenly defensive. I didn't care that I was still in my disheveled leathers and blood speckled, but I was tired to my marrow and didn't need him staring at me like I was an animal. He was a sight for sore eyes himself. Blanching, he gestured quickly to the window. "Apologies, this-this is the first sunrise I can actually remember seeing in a long while. I couldn't remember it ever being this beautiful." With that, he turned quickly and closed the door with a resounding snap behind him.
I flopped back down and before I could ponder his words, I was sucked into a death like sleep.
I opened groggy pained eyes to darkness once more. Bolting upright; my fingers splayed across the sheets for my sword when the realization of where I was hit me. Drawing in a deep shaky breath I ran my sore fingers through my hair and steadied my heartbeat for a few moments as I let my eyes adjust to the dim room. Gauzy moonlight filtered into the room as the rippling curtains swayed in the sweet magnolia scented breeze that flowed in. I guesstimated I had slept for at least a solid 15 hours. Amazed I hadn't peed myself, I got up with a shaky laugh and headed for the adjoining bath. As I padded carefully in the darkness, illuminations suddenly sprang up around me, lighting the room that was shockingly clean and inviting. Surprise rose in me as I took in the deep tub that was filled to the brim. Steam curled from the foamy surface of the aromatic scented water and I almost jumped in with my clothing on at the invite.
Ripping off my remaining clothing hastily, I stepped into the steaming water sighing deeply as I sank to the bottom of the large tub and ignoring the slight protests my aching limbs gave as they were overcome with the new sensation. I did not know for how long I laid there but I knew I had dozed off again at one point. Upon opening my bleary eyes, lavender scented soap and a scrubbing brush greeted me. Thankfully, I washed my body and hair, slightly amazed as the water drained and refilled itself as I was fully cleansed. Regretfully, I finally hoisted myself from the tub and wrapped myself into the thick floor length robe that had also appeared. Heading back to the room, I almost couldn't believe it was the same place I had left not that long ago.
Soft shimmering balls of light floated around the completely remodeled space. The broken floor length window was fixed but remained opened as the sweet air continued sweeping throughout. Soft golden walls were bordered with ivory and periwinkle crown moldings, and a large golden vanity was perched across from the magnificent bed. The dusty spread was replaced by silken ivory and leaf green sheets, and laying across were three different dresses, all resplendent in their own right, but immediately my eyes fell on the soft periwinkle wrap around dress. It trailed down to the floor and I was able to pin it in my normal fashion, leaving one shoulder completely exposed as I pulled on the matching sandals. On top of the vanity lay all manner of priceless jewels and as I donned a golden armband and lapis ring, I silently wondered where he had gotten these items from. His Court laid in ruin; he could not offer to have baubles such as these.
I continued pondering this as I combed out my wavy waist length hair until it shone like black silk. A soft knock sounded, and I jumped as I was pulled out of my reprieve. Shocked I had been so distracted that I had allowed myself to be snuck up on so unknowingly, I quickly shut down all mental barriers as I rose to go to the door. I could not allow myself to be entranced and amazed as though I some dim wit damsel who had been rescued. Steeling my spine and lacing my tongue with venom, I twisted open the ornate doorknob. And whatever words I had on my tongue died.
Tamlin stood there, but only this was not the man I had seen mere hours ago. This was not even the man I had seen before the fall of his Court. He stood over me, his back ramrod straight and jaw tensed, as though a great weight pushed on his shoulders. Green eyes flashing as they swept quickly along my face and body. His wavy golden mane was washed and combed back, all of the bits and pieces of twigs and leaves fully gone. The golden and green tunic he wore matched perfectly with the regal pants and polished boots he had donned. Though his face was still gaunt and bore the remaining pink scar across it from my sword, there seemed to be something different within him. I was shocked. His expression seemed to mirror my own, but he cleared his throat and bowing low, extended his hand to me hesitantly.
"Lady Celeste…you-you look wonderful. I am joyous to see you in better conditions as before. Please, if you would do me the honor of joining me for dinner. This is not a demand of any sorts, but an honest offer. I know…we have a lot to discuss. However, if you do not choose to eat with me, allow me to offer you some provisions for the night. I can only imagine how famished you must be." He stopped then, looking at me nervously.
Even with his elegant speech and cleaned up demeanor, I dismissed my shock and let a cool apathetic expression crest my features. Opening my mouth to heartily decline dinner with him, my stomach betrayed me as it grumbled loudly in the expectant silence. Glancing down at the source of the noise, he quickly looked back up at me as his mouth quirked slightly to the side. Heat flooded my golden skin and forcing my face to keep the mask of neutrality, I accepted his dinner invitation but declined his hand.
I did not know what had happened in the time I had been asleep, but most of the castle seemed to have been remodeled as well. Golden light flooded the magnificent hallway we trailed down, and new marble flooring lay on every level. There was no dust, broken stones or most any remnants of the destruction we had walked into this morning. Sweet flowery air floated down the golden gilded hall as we approached a massive dining room. Heavyset doors were replaced and stood open as soft whimsical music floated from a harp in the corner. My eyes immediately went to it and before I could stop myself, I was standing in front of it, ogling like an amazed child as the strings were plucked by invisible fingers. It had been so long since I could have truly enjoyed the beauty of music. Before I knew it, mortifying tears were pricking my eyes. This had been one of my greatest joys growing up and listening to my mother play her own instrument to me and my siblings.
"I hope you find this music enjoyable?" Tamlin's unsure voice came from far away, dispelling the image of my mother strumming her harp for me and my brother. "Yes, yes I am actually very fond of the harp myself." I whispered, not trusting my voice to speak any louder. I was embarrassed at this emotional display in front of him right now. He did not need to know such trivial personal tidbits of my information.
Clearing my throat and ignoring his worried, questioning gaze, I walked quickly over to the table that was laden with all assortments of foods. Blinking away the lingering tears, I did not wait for Tamlin to join me as I began to serve myself. I ate, and ate, and ate until I knew one more bite would have me emptying my stomach in front of him. The food was delicious, and though my craven stomach protested, my greedy eyes and mouth gulped down more.
"So, what manor of glamour is this all? Your court was laid in waste only hours prior." I drew back in the high-backed chair as I had finally pushed aside my plates. Crossing my legs, I gestured vaguely around us to the twinkling Fae lights and gilded walls.
He placed his own knife and fork down silently and dabbed at his mouth with an embroidered napkin. Throughout the meal he had seemed to struggle with the cutlery, and it took me a moment to realize he had probably been in his bestial form for so long he may have forgotten what it was to possess mannerisms, or hands for that matter.
I suppressed my chuckle and waited for his reply.
"There is no glamour. I-I fixed everything with my resurging power. While you slept, I tried my best to get rest myself, but to no avail. Every room I entered lay abandoned or destroyed either by my hands or by Hybern's forces. It was unacceptable." Even across the table I saw a muscle tick in his jaw and his hands shook slightly. " I built everything back piece by piece. How the manor had looked when I was but a boy, of course with a modern twist." He paused for a moment and took a deep drink from the golden goblet in front of him.
"I walked into my old room and looked at myself in a mirror for the first time in…I don't know how long. I almost yelped in fright." He chuckled uncertainly as he waited for some sort of response from me. After a few painful seconds of taking in my stony expression, he sighed, and his face sagged.
"But more importantly. I don't know where to start Lady Celeste. What can I even say to you after what has taken place?!"
I continued staring at him silently, narrowing my eyes until I knew it would cause him to grow uncomfortable.
"You can start by apologizing by gouging into my leg. You can cut this timid bullshit Tamlin. Don't you think it's time to be honest with yourself? Don't you see why the form you find most comforting is a beast?" I snarled suddenly. I don't know if I hated this timid trembling husk of a male more than I hated his arrogant counterpart, but it was pushing my buttons in an almost irrational way seeing him like this. He was still not fit to lead a Court in this state.
His surprised expression did nothing to dispel my anger. "I-I don't think that's quite fair to say to me." He said quietly, hands drumming nervously on the tabletop. "You-you saw where I was trapped, but even that only scratches the surface of my pain. This-this goes deeper than what most people think."
His voice was deadpanned, and he gazed at me from hollowed eyes across the table. "The beast form allows me to be released from that torture if only momentarily." He grew silent for a few seconds, as his eyes shifted from mine.
"But-but thanks to you, I'm finally back and was able to summon my power to fix my manor from the devastation that was wrought upon it." He smiled timidly at me in a way that begged for peace.
"Yes, that's lovely. Sit in this beautiful remodeled manor, while your people still starve and lay unprotected against invasions. I came here to tell you of a war, not to hear your unnecessary qualms." I pushed away from the table and stood angrily. "You want to cry over Feyre and Rhysand while they live happily together in their Court, surrounded by loving friends and family while you waste away here without a single soul in sight."
He gazed across at me in silent dread, his mouth opening to reply, but I didn't give him a moment to speak before I plowed on. "And after almost killing me, the best you can offer is fixing up your pretty, pretty court. Are you interested in my message, or anyone other than yourself? Or are you too busy planning where to hang paintings to even start by acknowledging and apologizing?!" I knew my voice echoed around the domed room and he flinched as though he had been slapped.
"Your ONE friend who cared enough to stick by you genuinely and follow your selfish, pathetic rule, you spat and undermined him at every chance you had." I prowled closer to his frozen figure; teeth bared as the words flowed out of me like a mighty river. I wanted to rip him to shreds as he had done to so many people around him. An all-consuming rage battered against my ribcages, begging to be released at the injustice of what his actions had caused.
"You took Feyre when you wanted to, and when she waded through hell and high water you sat by that wretch's side and did not offer so much as a comforting bat of an eye as she proved her love and devotion to you." I laughed a mirthless laugh again, but I was shaking as I stood over him. "Devotion, Tamlin. To you. When she needed you, you left her here. No, trapped her here and you are incensed when she wants nothing to do with you? Her happiness torments you that much that you have to abandon your own dignity and your innocent court to lurk around like a filthy wraith... I came here to bring you to the summit for the High Lords, but it seems Lucien was right in me wasting my time. I tried to bring his "friend" back to him, however it seems he never had the friend he imagined."
In one fluid movement he rose, tossing his golden goblet across the massive room and shoving his sparkling porcelain dishes clattering to the floor. "Shut up!" He snarled through gritted teeth. I stared up at him icily, eyes flashing.
"Make me High Lord." The threat imminent in my voice.
He looked tormented, eyes tortured in his gaunt face, but he held my gaze, hands clenched and shaking. "I don't want to hurt you. Just-just stop this Celeste. You're willingly pushing me, why? what sick satisfaction do you get from this? You-you don't know everything, none of you do! Why am I the only one that is mauled apart and criticized by every Court? Do you know the horrors they have all inflicted!? Do you know the things I have endured?" He moaned running his shaking fingers through his golden hair as he turned from me, stalking towards the hall we had entered from.
Hitching my dress into one hand I followed him quickly. This conversation was far from over, and it seemed as though he was ready to speak. I knew I was pushing him quickly, and I knew it was unfair, but he was my mission, and I had to see it through to the end. Everything coming back to life had to feel pain. It was better than him being apathetic or lashing out.
"Tamlin, do not walk away from me! I do not relish in one's pain. But this is all your own doing, don't you see the way that you act. Do you want to strike me, will that make you feel better? That's what you're good at doing right? That's how you hurt Feyre!" My voice ricocheted along the hall and he spun around to face me once more.
"Leave me alone, get out of here. What does it matter what I suffer, I am nothing to you, and nothing to everyone else as you have so happily reminded me. I am truly sorry the danger and pain you faced at my hands, but you need to leave…now." I could hear the rumble in his chest as his anger rose, but I strode up to him until we were mere inches from each other.
"You are so full of shit; this is why no one wants to be by your side. Childish, selfish Tamlin." His jaw twitched again, and he actually rose his hands as if he wanted to grab me, but stopped himself midway, eyes pained and torn. "Please-please stop" he moaned again, chest rising and falling rapidly.
I knew my next words would either make or break him completely and I pushed down my guilt as I summoned my coldest most imperial voice, allowing my eyes to glint dangerously. "You are nothing of a High Lord any longer. Either step up or step down and release your territory completely. You can go back to wasting away and chopping up forest dwellers while someone else does what needs to be done to protect this land, these people and the whole of Prythian. We do not need an impulsive child on the battlefield. It really is quite embarrassing at this point."
I actually saw the remaining color drain from his face as his mouth sagged pitifully and his hands dropped loosely at his sides. A few painful seconds passed before I realized we were spiraling towards the marble wall. I braced for the impact, but there was none as his hands, where they gripped me stopped us from fully colliding. He was looming over me, but our faces were inches apart, his eyes blazing, and teeth bared. I suddenly couldn't bring myself to take my eyes from his face. He had never looked this handsome before in all his burning anger. A fallen angel. That was what he looked like. A vengeful, fallen angel.
"How dare you speak to me like that. I-I am The High Lord of Spring. I shall never relinquish my hands. This is my lineage, my blood, my ancestors' blood. I would die for these lands, these people. I have made my share of mistakes, but I would lay down my life for redemption, for the land which I represent." His eyes did not break mine and I could see the click of realization within his them as he heard his own echo along the grand hall. As he felt the tremor throughout his body.
"Good-good Tamlin." I whispered a bit breathlessly as his surprised eyes trailed to my lips. Yes, you need to remember who you are…take this anger and feel it. Let it propel you to do the right thing. Your pain and wounded soul can be mended. You can let us help you. You can build these bridges back, but you need to feel it first. You are the High Lord of Spring…the season of rebirth, for a reason. "And I do agree with you" I breathed as my eyes remained locked with his. "We all have a past; we all have hurt people and have things we wish we can change, but not many get this chance you are presented with now. I am here. I am here to help you, if you let me."
One of his hands suddenly trailed from where they gripped on my arm to rest at the base of my throat, his pointer finger skimmed the softest of lines right over my celestial tattoo.
I shuddered, forcing my back not to arch in response to the thrilling touch. I didn't know what was coming over me suddenly, I should be breaking his fingers one by one.
"What are you doing?" I murmured, heat rising to my cheeks, as a throbbing began building in my lower stomach.
"Who-who are you, really?" he murmured, not meeting my eyes. "You saw me Celeste. I don't know how you did it. It wasn't just my mind. You saw my soul, and I saw you." His voice trembled but he continued.
"You brought me back. You risked your life and safety to come alone against a Beast. To come…for me when everyone turned their back on villainous Tamlin. You looked at the most wretched, ugly parts of myself and did not so much as blink as you held your sword to me. You went down and kept fighting to get me to come back." He paused as he blinked back the moisture pooling in his eyes. "Your words, this is what I needed. I needed someone to pull me from that place and hand me my ass while doing it." He chuckled quietly, touching the pale remnant of the scar I caused along his face, and I couldn't help but smirk.
"I-I have been such a fool for such a long time, long before Feyre even existed, but when she risked and lost her life for me, I-I couldn't process anything correctly after that. I was the ruination of her, and I could not take it." He exhaled shakily, and I realized this was possibly the first time he was actually speaking about Feyre and everything that had occurred.
His scent was all over me.
"But you're right, I am alone here only because of my actions. I-I don't know who you are to even come here, but you did, and you made me remember who I was and what my duty and role must be. What a true leader and male must do going forward. I have never had anyone say those things you have said to me in such raw manner, and… I thank you."
He released me, stepping back a few paces and gave me the first true crinkly eyed smile I had seen yet. "Please, forgive me my anger. I know this is something that has always plagued me, and I never knew how to control it…Will-will you listen to my story?" He asked hesitantly, looking so worn down I could not help the feeling of my chest cracking as I gazed at him.
"Yes Tamlin, I will."
