We entered into a sitting room of shimmering golds and robin blues; two plush high-backed chairs faced each other around a small mahogany table laden with tea cups and small biscuits. The view from the floor length window was breathtaking as another spring dawn steadily broke over the remodeled garden. Hyacinths, roses, tiger lilies and countless other flowers all twined together in a splash of harmonic colors.

Taking our seats, there was an air of awkwardness suddenly. Tamlin was fiddly and nervous as he drank deeply from his own cup. "I should have added some whiskey in here." He chuckled, and I gave a small smile back in response. As much as I had tortured him with my words a few moments ago, I could only imagine how painful this must be for him, how many emotions he had felt, and have still to face in such a short amount of time and a wave of sadness suddenly passed throughout me.

"You don't have to rush and tell me anything Tamlin. If you want to discuss things at another time, that can be possible. How about you get some rest first?"

He shook his head as he put down his teacup. "I-I want to talk about this. I need to talk about this. I understand my Court needs me, and you yourself came here for a reason. I have spent enough time running from my past. You speak of war; and you're right, we don't have time to waste anymore."

Tired lines marked his face, but his eyes were determined and his voice steady.

Slowly I nodded. "Well, I am here to listen, as I have promised. You can begin when you feel comfortable." I sipped from my own cup as I kicked off my sandals, drawing my legs up under me as I reclined into the chair.

For a few moments the only sound were the twittering hopping birds that landed on the terrace edge. Tamlin seemingly was unsure where to begin as he looked down at his calloused hands. When he finally spoke, his voice was gruff.

"I loved music, and art and beauty as a youth. I was the youngest, and happiest of three boys and that suited me just fine. Despite my compliance, I was constantly reminded by my father and my brothers that I was the lowliest amongst them all and would never amount to much. I never had qualms with that, but my father and brothers often went to great lengths to…remind me what I was." Tamlin paused, his eyes going glassy as his throat bobbed.

I sat silently and waited for him to continue. I could feel the tendrils of despair that radiated from him, and I could only begin to imagine the unspoken cruelties he was subjected to as a "reminder". I wanted to place a hand over his own trembling one, but I sat and let him silently battle his demons.

"The only one who looked at me twice without seeing me as a nuisance was my mother."

The smile he flashed was so vivid and fleeting, I could almost have imagined it.

"She lit up every single room she walked into, beautiful as a spring rose, and her laughter was quite infectious. I know she tried her best to protect me against my father and brothers, but she could only do so much. My father struck her when he felt like it, and always wanted her to be modeled as a "perfect mate", as though she was an item to be paraded. His features twisted into a scowl. "If it wasn't for her pleading words to spare him, I may have killed my own father many many years ago."

I shot him a silent knowing look. "Does that not sound similar to your own circumstances with Feyre?" I asked quietly. I could see the realization crumple his face as he noted the parallels between his abusive father and himself.

"I-I honestly never wanted to be like him. He was ignorant and cruel, and I guess I turned out to be just like what I most hated in the end anyways."

He sagged listlessly into his seat and this time I did rise and approach him. Sinking down near him I motioned for him to look at me.

"We have a lot of similarities Tamlin, believe it or not. My father too…was exceptionally cruel and my older brother a model of him."-I couldn't repress the shudder that rocked through me at the remembrance of my father's cold emotionless face. It didn't matter how long I had been away from him, the very thought of him still induced nightmares in me.

"My mother was my literal light in moments I probably would not have made it through without her. Just because we are born from cruelty, does not mean we are inherently cruel ourselves. We do the best that we can, in the circumstances that we are in, mistakes or not. Although you subconsciously adopted some of his ways in dealing with trauma yourself, you are able to sit and reflect on that now, and that is something he couldn't do Tamlin."

Patting his cold hand reassuringly, I gave him a patient smile.

The small smile of thanks he returned cracked at another piece of my chest.

Taking in a deep breath, he began again.

"When I was old enough to join, I enlisted in my father's warband and finally felt as though I had a purpose. I had comrades, and then I met Rhysand." His jaw ticked.

"He was the heir that had grown up "correct". Elegant, sophisticated and charismatic. Everything I was not. Although he was my older brother's age, he was surprisingly kind to me. He even taught me some of the Iyllrian fighting techniques as we trained together. After months training by his side, he…he became my brother in arms. Although I did not fight in the last Great War, I had skills no other member of the Spring Court- or any Court for that matter-possessed. And more valuable than that, I had a true friend for once in my life."

"My father, however, grew threatened by that. By this point he already had relations with the King of Hybern and… Amarantha." He spat out the name as though it was filthy to utter. I could hear the low rumble emanating from his chest.

"From the moment that wretch laid eyes on me, she wanted me. Wanted me in an all-consuming, devouring way. I did not want anything to do with her, and…after some time she backed off. If only I knew then the havoc she would cause all these years later. I would have shredded her to the marrow."

His claws slid out, sinking into the arms of the chair.

I brushed softly down his arm-and the room swam-colors roiling together until I stood looking at the cruel redhead herself. She wore nothing under a sheer red robe as she strolled by a tensed and bound Tamlin, nails stroking his bare chest. I could see the disgust plastered across his face, but he could do nothing as she crooned to him, backing him to the bed and straddling him as she-

Gasping, I returned to the present, repulsed at what I had witnessed.

"Celeste, what is the matter?!" -Tamlin's worried face swam in my vision.

"She-she forced you too didn't she." The words hung in the air for one surprised moment.

"How do you know that?" His voice was quiet, too far away.

"I can see things Tamlin. I have always had what you would call, the Sight. Sometimes it happens randomly, I am not able to control and hone it the way I once was able to. Just now-when I touched you-I was able to see back into what you were thinking. I saw what she did to you. I saw the invisible bounds she had placed upon you. Does anyone know about this?" I asked through gritted teeth, stomach twisting.

He shook his head, his expression hard and stony.

"Rhysand was not the only one she took when it pleased her. When she went back to Hybern, it was a welcomed reprieve as it seemed as though it had ended for good. But, when she returned those years later, she expected to bed me again. However, I was not the same young innocent male she had forced the first time. I denied her and fought her off, and well…I am sure you know the rest of that story. She cursed me and my court, and bedded Rhysand as an affront to me it seemed. He was her whore for years at a time under her sadistic Mountain." He spat out disgustedly.

"I am sorry Tamlin. Neither you, nor Rhysand deserved that. She took advantage of you both in vulnerable situations." I felt the nausea turn to heat roiling around my stomach at the thought of what she had done to him. To them. To countless other innocents, corrupting and torturing for the "fun" of it. I wish I had been the one to rip her head from her body.

"She-she is dead and rotting in the pits of Hell where she belongs. Never to hurt anyone again."

Rising, he gently brushed past me as he made his way to the opened terrace overlooking the front gardens. "I do not wish to speak of her any longer. Her name is not deserving to be remembered."

I gazed at his tall figure, alighted by the sun of a new day. He was here, baring his soul to me and the atrocities that were committed against him, possibly for the first time ever. Despite the horror of what he was exposing to me, I knew this was a good step, I could see him beginning to come back to life. To feel again as he released his emotions healthily.

"My father was threatened as I have said. Worried that the mighty Night Court was growing too ambitious, and terrified that Rhysand had control of my mind and will. In his ignorance and terror, I became a threat." He barked a harsh laugh.

"There was one day where I went hunting with him and my brothers." His back was to me, but I could hear a tremor in his voice.

"I did not know; I was to be the one leading this hunt. When I realized what was truly happening, it was too late. I was beaten and mutilated until I could do nothing but sob out what information they wanted to know. They threatened that mother would be next if I did not tell them about Rhysand's plans and the location of his mother and sister... I did not care very much about my life, but my duty to her was bone deep. Even then, bleeding out on the forest floor, I was stupid enough to believe they would have some type of moral. They would not harm those innocent women. Even I knew they would unleash hell in doing so. They forced me to come along, to lead them in the destruction of the only male I had been able to call a real brother. They wanted me to be the one who destroyed him, and the "control" he had over me."

His broad shoulders shook as his tears finally fell. As he gasped for breath I rose to my feet. I had been here before. I knew the spasms that wracked along his body was soul deep. Hesitantly, I approached him and slowly wrapped my arms around his middle as he continued to weep. His calloused hands gripped my arms thankfully, as though they were the only things holding him from collapsing.

"That-that was the worst mistake I had ever made in my life." He rasped out.

"I had prayed Rhysand would be there, but he wasn't. He wasn't there to stop them Celeste. I tried to fight them off, tried to plead with the women to run, but I could not stop them in the end. I could do nothing as those innocents were slaughtered. I knew in that moment, everything had changed. My brothers celebrated, and my father in his sick glory wanted to send them a message, as if what horror he caused wasn't enough. He-he sent their heads downriver." He was choking on his words, but he pushed through his sobs.

"When Rhysand and his father came to slay us all, I was almost relieved. The guilt of what I had ultimately done bore down on me on all sides. I had lost my one friend, my own brothers and father hated me beyond rational, and I could never confess to my mother what I had been a part of. I was tired. Just tired of never being able to be "good" in anyone's eyes. I felt nothing but cold happiness when my brothers were slaughtered. But when I realized my mother had been slain as well…. I-I think that was when a part of me truly broke."

I tightened my grip on to him, reminding him we were no longer there as more spasms rocked throughout his body.

"I had no time to feel anything, as my dead Father's power flowed into me, and I was suddenly The High Lord of The Spring Court."

Me…ha" he barked out a mirthless laugh.

"It should have been me who had died that night. I will always remember the look Rhysand gave me as we faced each other. He knew I should have died too. I was, and still am no High Lord…I was laughed and ridiculed by the other Lord's for my "bestial ways". A common warrior suddenly becoming one of them? It made no sense to them and they reminded me that at every turn. I had no one to help me in my Court, but I knew I had to try, I pulled myself up alone and afraid, for my people. I swear, I tried Celeste." He moaned letting his sobs finally overcome him.

Tears pricked my own eyes, but I clenched my jaw, I knew I had to be strong now. Otherwise he might run the risk of being shattered into a million pieces again.

"Let it out" Was all I murmured.

We continued standing there, holding each other as the light shifted outside, sending shards of light across his beautiful devastated face. I let a small speck of my power flow through my body to his, sending him some peace within the storm that raged within.

When he finally subdued, he quickly stepped out of my arms, turning his face from me, shame burning his features as he wiped at his eyes. "I apologize for this. It is quite embarrassing to be seen this way in front of you."

I leaned up and drew his face to look at mine. I made sure my voice was clear and strong. "Never apologize for the battered parts of yourself. I thank you and will take care of the pieces you have shared with me Tamlin."

He simply gazed down at me for a moment, his mouth opened as though he wanted to say something but shook his head and thanked me quietly instead. "Come, let us return to our seats?" He motioned for me to join him as he returned to his chair across from mine.

He took a deep drink from his teacup and began once more in an evened tone.

"When Lucien fled to my lands, things began to change. I had already been High Lord for some time, but I was still trying, and struggling to live up to all the demands that were thrown on me. I was in charge of a court, townspeople and more land than I ever fully knew about. I visited the lands often, listened to qualms and did patrols with my sentries, and slowly it felt as though I had a semblance of a family again."

"Lucien was more than an emissary, he was a trusted friend, and you are right again when you spoke of how unjust and coldly, I treated him at times. I only wish I could apologize to him…to tell him the real reason behind my coldness. It was as though I could not let anyone get too close to me again. Not after the fuck ups of my past. I wanted to protect everyone, and in doing so protect them from myself and the uncontrolled rage I knew lurked beneath the façade I had been forced to build overnight as High Lord."

He glanced down at his bare knuckles as though he could see the claws creeping to the surface.

"When I took Feyre from her home, I tried to convince myself I had done a right thing. In my own ignorance I thought I did her and her family a favor. I had saved her-them-from a life of despair and misery."

"She was all spindly bones and haunted eyes when I first met her. Beautiful, in a scarred way and I was terrified to fall for her. She was so different from everything I had ever known, but so similar to myself in her own battered harsh way. I knew I would love her disastrously if I let myself."

"I worried for her, and at times my control and fear sent me spiraling. When I sent her back to the human realms, I believed it to be the most selfless things I had ever done. I was fully ready to give myself over to Amarantha in exchange for her being able to be free and live a life she wanted...not thinking how that would affect her."

"I knew from the start; I was not deserving of the devotion Feyre gave me. The blood on my hands would never be able to wash away and she did not need to be entrapped within my life and the horror that was lurking over Prythian. I was only thinking of protecting her, so you could only imagine the dread I felt when I saw her come back for me. I couldn't believe it, and I could do nothing to help her as I was bound silently to that bitch's side at all times, forced to watch her be abused and tortured... I was screaming to my beautiful, flighty girl, but she could not hear me. No one could… except Rhysand. He swore to protect her, however he could."

His eyes grew hollow as he continued.

"But-but, when I saw her broken and lifeless, I couldn't think, I couldn't feel anything but wanting to die too. I couldn't protect my mother, and now I couldn't protect the woman whom I loved." He closed his eyes tightly as his chest rose and fell rapidly.

"When she came back to me, I couldn't believe it. But things were… different. She was different."

"And bound to Rhysand."

"I allowed the same ignorance and fear my father had, consume me. I thought Rhysand was bending her to his will, just as he had thought of me all of those years ago. I grew so obsessed trying to protect her, trying to sever their bond."

His eyes flitted open and he gripped the arm of the chair tightly.

"I was terrified when she stepped out of the house, thoughts of her broken and twisted neck would haunt me until I was forced to stop whatever I was doing in order to run to her side. I would see her waste away and not realize I played the greatest role in that. I-I just wish I could apologize to her."

"When she left, life as an immortal became more than I could think to bear. I was spiraling. Feyre had left me to go to Rhysand and I swung on an endless pendulum of rage and apathy."

"And why him of all people? I was left within my own personal Hell, with no end in sight."

I-I gave up. I had fucked up everything I had built beyond repair. I left my people exposed to tyranny and destitution. Lashed out at my friend, and forced him to step into my role more and more. I even let Ianthe use me for some type of senseless relief." He sighed, shame burning his lowered eyes as my spine grew suddenly stiff at his words.

"When Hybern came, I was molding clay within their cruel hands. I will take full accountability in the stupid role I played…I don't know why I did it. I-I just wanted to see her again, have a chance to speak with her and against all of my remaining dignity and judgement, I let them involve the only other things she cared about within this world."

"Her sisters."

"I swear on my life; I did not know the horrors he would inflict upon them."

"And every time I glimpsed her after that, after the fall of my Court, I tried to be as cruel and cold as she made me feel. I wanted to hurt her…but when I saw her trembling body screaming over Rhysand's cold one, I saw myself. I saw myself as I had screamed for her under The Mountain, and it finally clicked to me. They had what we could have had, but purer, and depthless because they were Mates. Perfectly cut out for each other…" he trailed off, eyes sweeping past me as he glanced out to the perfect spring day that lay beyond.

"When I heard of the birth of her child not too long ago, I buckled deeply into the beast. I knew that was the life I had always pictured for me and her, but it was long gone…she got her happily ever after, but I became the villain at that expense. I knew everyone hated me, so what was the point in returning to the realm? I became trapped within my own mind, and the Beast raged as my soul was forced to relive all the cruel, most hateful moments of my life."

"Until you came… Your path was illuminated within the forest, drawing me towards you as though it was light itself you walked on."

"I still do not even know who you are, but I- "he stopped suddenly, a snarl ripping from him as he spun towards the door.

Footsteps sounded on the marble flooring outside.

The crystal knob twisted open, and in stepped a tensed Lucien. A roiling black thundercloud emerged behind him.

Rhysand stood there, looking every inch the ruler of The Court of Nightmares as his and Tamlin's blazing eyes met.