"I was born on a planet called Sol, within a galaxy of its own, a thousand moons removed from where we are now. Born of a mother who you all may know as The Mother. She-
"Hold on." Rhysand's voice was constricted as he raised a shaking hand to pause me. "Did you just say you were born from The Mother. As in The Mother who created the Cauldron?" His voice shook and the room became tensed at my proclamation and his question. Shock masked every face, and even the air itself whooshed out of the room as though the house held its breath.
"Yes" I replied looking at every one of them carefully. "The very same Mother who created the Cauldron. But I do not wish to skip ahead. It is imperative you hear my story from the beginning."
"That-that is impossible…" Azriel's deep voice broke the silence, as his shadows danced frantically like kindled flames. Feyre gasped audibly, clutching Rhysand's hand in a bone crushing grip and Nesta was looking at me with the strangest expression on her face, but she remained silent, her eyes shining with expectancy at my next words.
"Woah-hey I apologize for my snarky words before, please don't bring down the wrath of a thousand cauldrons on me." Cassian choked out, smiling a twisted grimace, but I could see the honest terror that read deep within his eyes.
Chuckling lightly, I nodded my forgiveness to him. "I no longer possess such powers to do anything such as that Cassian. To your luck." I added smiling back mischievously.
Amren had not looked up from the floor, but her body continued shaking so hard Elain tentatively laid a hand over her trembling one.
Rhysand's face had grown bone pale, but he remained silent as well. The arm that was still strung over Feyre tightened and he gazed at me with what seemed to be pleading in his stormy purple eyes. Letting down my mental barrier's ever so slightly I allowed his voice to permeate my mind.
"Please remember the promise you have made to me before coming here. This is my home, and these are my people to protect. I can sense you may be the protector of innocents, but I smell the blood that has been shed by your hands as well. I beg you. Do no harm to my people, to my family."
Blanching, I locked down my mental shields and drew in a deep breath. "Before I continue with my tale. I want to let you all know that I have made a solemn oath to protect the innocent of this World. I wish no harm on any of you, please do not fear me with what I have told you, and what I still have to share. I am honored to be allowed within your homes and intimate areas of your lives. Please, trust me with what I say." I looked carefully around at everyone in the room.
After a few moments of visible tensions, Rhysand nodded. The relief was palpable on his face, and his private party followed suit.
I hated this. The fear that exuded from people once they knew who I was. Even if they had not been a part of my old life, the most powerful creatures trembled before me when I revealed my true self. But I did not wish that. I wanted the casual intimacy they shared. The beautiful lives they had all cultivated for themselves despite their own past. The sheer vulnerability of allowing love and tenderness into their lives even when they had experienced loss and fear. The willingness to die for each other if that's what it took to protect the one sitting next to them. Painful tears pricked the back of my eyes, but I hastily cleared my throat and continued. I had to remain focused.
"My Mother was a goddess to her people. Both radiant and knowledgeable above even godlike comprehension, she knew the secrets to the universe itself. It was said the very stars whispered to her, and the sun and moons within our galaxy vied day and night for her admiration. She lived for many years, traveling to different planets and teaching her magic and crafts to women there. All of this changed however when she met Erebus." I could not help the cold shiver that went down my spine at the very name.
"It was the personification of light and darkness coming together... Father makes what you do with your blood show look like a parlor trick Rhysand." I shivered again as I shot a look at Rhysand's peaked face.
"And let me guess-you are the culmination of such creatures." Cassian breathed shakily; all trace of humor wiped off of his face.
"Well-no. But again, I will get to that…Father knew he wanted Mother as soon as he had laid eyes on her. I believe it was mostly to conquest the most beautiful, and intelligent creature he had ever met. I do not know how happily Mother agreed to the union, since she never talked about that part much. But, within a short amount of time, Ezekiel was born. Cold and harsh, he emulated Father from the time he was a child. Years later, Solaris was born. But my Mother was not happy. She had become a caged bird who once soared the skies. Father disallowed her to visit the places she went to before and sneered at the work she had done to help women there. His point of living had always been conquest and war. This was what he thrived in. He was feared throughout the realms for his harsh and oftentimes bloody rule, but he loved battle. It fed the very essence of the Planet which we lived on and crowned him The Dark King of the Universe.
It was while he was away in one of these invasions to another planet, did my Mother fall in love with a "common" man. What in this World, would be the equivalence of a "lesser Fae", or possibly even a human. However, she did not care for such titles, she fell for him due to his very love of beauty, compassion and knowledge. He was a reminder for her of everything she had loved and lost. Through this, I was conceived. Darker, different than my siblings and radiating with a celestial light they did not possess, I was ostracized from birth."
Nesta's eyes softened and then her steely blue gaze flickered away from me as though she knew my next words.
"When Father and his warband returned, you can only imagine his shock to find an infant there. An infant who did not bear resemblance to him, but instead had golden eyes and honeyed skin. It did not take him long to find my real father…and cause him suffering unimaginable for what he believed was a violation of his wife. As though my powerful mother did not have the ability to crush a man with a simple look. He found a way to "rightfully" condemn him to his death." I scoffed.
"I am sorry." It was Amren who whispered the words, eyes still plastered to the floor. "I did not know this truth Lady Celestia. I always thought you were born from the darkness that was King Erebus." She flinched as she uttered his name, a sick look overtaking her features.
"It is ok. I never had a chance to know my real father, but Mother had long ago shown me his easy smile, and golden eyes that I inherited. No one ever spoke of him, and for rightful reasons if they wanted to keep their heart within their chests." My solemn voice was the only sound throughout the still silent room.
"But anyways, after the death of my father, Mother drew more and more into herself. She tried to be positive for us, but I knew her better than my other siblings and I knew she struggled. My Father had Ezekiel and Solaris training from the time they were children to learn the art of war. I grew up looking at them, I was never allowed to join in their trainings of course. I learned the sun and moon magic from my Mother, and spent my free time learning to play different instruments and studying different civilizations as was only fitting for the last female child." I growled quietly.
"Around the time I was 200 years old-roughly 16 human years-I began to become restless. I always had a desire to be doing something more and hated that I had to be excluded from the things my brothers were doing. I did not fully realize what exactly they trained for. I did not know all of the horrible things Father had done during this time, and as an ostracized child I wanted more than anything for him to notice me as he had done with Ezekiel. I begged, literally begged to be included in battle training. When my mother finally cracked and pleaded to my father, he allowed Ezekiel to finally put me into a training session, more of a joke than anything honestly. Even though it was only with the weak and sickliest of my father's men, I actually loved it. I rose through rankings quickly and after years they could no longer disallow me to go into battle.
"What troubled me, however, was not seeing many if any women at all amongst these warriors and so I decided to start my own training." I smiled towards Nesta warmly, who gave me a surprised look in return. "These were the first known Valkyries. Women of passion and celestial flames who rode into battle on winged creatures of terror." I smiled fiercely.
"Fucking Valkyries…of course. Why wouldn't you lead an army of the fiercest warriors known to Earth? And I guess out of space too." Cassian mumbled, throwing his large hands up in exaggeration.
The laughter that bubbled to my lips sent me another silent appraising look from Azriel, but his eyes quickly flitted away when I met his gaze.
"Cas, will you please stop interrupting her at every turn" Feyre mumbled absently to the pacing Illyrian. "We're all awestruck and trying to keep up here too."
Nesta chuckled, but Cassian gave his High Lady a silent nod of assent and turned his disbelieving gaze back to me.
"So, life continued for many years, in which I led battles with my warriors by my side. I-I am ashamed to admit during those years of trying to impress my Father I have done many things that have harmed others. Even when I wanted to stop-that…that was never to be an option where my Father was concerned. He saw me to be the perfect machina he had trained. We spent time between scouting planets and keeping our old "territories" in check. Eventually however, I was beyond tired of shedding blood…even from those who were labeled as "enemies" to our nation. Now looking back, they were only people who tried to protect their lands from horrible creatures like my Father." I sighed and leaned back into the chair. I could feel the crushing weight that had threatened to tear me down then and gritting my teeth I pushed against it.
"There was one particularly bloody battle, my Father himself had sent me and my Valkyries on" I whispered, fighting the choking feeling that constricted me. "My warriors had been all but decimated, and I was fighting against being shattered mentally and physically on the battle field. I remember being knocked down from a blow that would normally cleave the mightiest of Fae's in two. I was laying on the ground, blood pouring from me as I awaited my death, meantime cursing the life I had lived and all the stupid and horrible decisions I had made, when suddenly a young man was upon me."
I stopped, the very breath sweeping out of my lungs as I once more felt the hard-packed dirt and inhaled the tangy metallic scent of blood and gore that surrounded me. No one spoke, but their prodding gazes sunk my chest in further.
Rhysand's worried gaze flitted over to me, and before I had realized I had let down my mental shields he was hesitantly in my mind, asking if I was ok.
I didn't answer him out loud, but with a shuddering breath I allowed him to look back into the next memories and share it along with the group.
He was beautiful. The face of a shining god with rippling silvery hair and dark serious eyes, despite the large bloody gash that crested the entire right side of his face. His mouth was opening and closing, possibly yelling something unintelligible to me, but all I heard was the ringing. I opened my mouth to tell him, but a gurgle of blood flooded my throat choking me. This spurned him into action and with a worried grimace he scooped his arms under me and lifted me to his chest. My body felt limp, trapped under all of my blood-stained armor and devoid of feeling. I could feel the life actually draining from my body as he ran across the bloody field with me in tow.
Flashes of light were exploding in my eyesight and finally not able to take it anymore, I closed my eyes and allowed the remaining worries to finally float away. When my groggy eyes opened again, I was in a whole different atmosphere. Bright, vibrant sunshine flooded an infirmary of sorts, but I was the only patient in the long empty row of beds. My heart quickly began to hammer throughout my body as memories of my slain and broken warriors scattered around the bloodied field filled my mind, forcing me to lurch to the side of the bed and empty what little was in my stomach within a small pan that lay there.
My body was shaking so badly it was almost full convulsions, and my teeth chattered against each other so hard I swore one would chip. I forced my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around myself as the deep horrible screams erupted from my shredded throat. It was around the time I had begun gripping my hair from the roots and screaming incessantly that suddenly rough hands pried my hands gently from my hair and before I knew it, I was enveloped in strong arms. For a long time, I was held, no matter how hard I trashed the arms held me, not allowing me to do anything harmful to myself.
When my sobs finally died down, I lay limp and once more devoid of feeling as the arms loosed and I finally looked up at the face of the person who held me. Once more it was the young man from the battlefield. He gazed at me with the most empathetic eyes I had seen yet. Beautiful, dark as night and filled completely with silent emotion. "You don't need to be afraid any longer my lady." His whispered words floated down to me. Immediately I bristled, thrashing against him once more. "I am not afraid. My warriors are dead…because of me!" I snarled out. I could feel myself swinging back and forth between anger, apathy and immense physical and mental pain. I wish I was with my warriors; I shouldn't be the one who made it out alive while I had led countless of my sisters to death.
For another stretch of time we still sat in the bed, him silent but solid as a statue. I on the other hand raved, cried and some instances sat just as still as he did. It wasn't until the bright sunshine waned and began to fade did someone else come into the infirmary. Exuding her own brilliant light, my Mother came in, running to the bedside as noticed me sitting there. Immediately the stranger let me go and stepped aside, bowing lowly to my Mother.
"My precious girl" My mother sobbed as she held me, being mindful of my bruised and damaged body as she began working her healing magic over me. The stranger still lingered and for some reason this caused even more fury in me. Why had he grabbed me and dragged me back into the world of the living? What right did he have to make that decision for me as my sisters were no longer of this realm? And to make matters worse, he sat here all day as though I was of the utmost importance to him, like he had nothing better to do. Pitying me. Shying away when Mother came in.
The rage boiled over and I screamed at him to get out already. Shocked, Mother stopped, glancing quickly over at the young man who could no longer meet my eyes. "Celestia, now that is no way to speak to the one who found you and saved your life."
"I did not want to be saved!" I moaned, feeling the tears once more prick my eyes as Mother gave me the saddest look I had seen from her yet. It was as though I was literally splintering her heart and that alone sank my chest in, quelling my sudden bout of anger.
"It is no problem to leave My Lady" His voice was clear, but his eyes told a different tale as he appraised me. Bowing silently once more, he turned and made to leave. His hand rested on the doorknob as I called out to him.
"Wait-what is your name?" I commanded, trying to find some remnant of the goddess I once was.
He turned slowly, his deep black eyes met mine across the room, and sudden silence filled my mind. A blankness that quelled all thought and storming emotions within.
"Koschei" he replied quietly as he slipped from the room.
