A strange chill rippled along the room as they group took in what they saw. Even Cassian was silent, enrapt with the images I knew flitted across all of their minds.
Nodding slowly to Rhysand I continued guiding and speaking through my memories.
Even for a celestial being like myself, the battle and war had taken a massive toll, especially emotionally. It had only been a matter of days where I was able to get up and "resume" my life thanks to my Mother's healing. What she could not help me with however, was the crushing emotional pain I faced day in and out. I was alone. The despairing thoughts of every single deed and step I had taken in my life resulting in naught was crushing. I no longer cared about impressing my father, no longer cared to battle and the shedding of blood, no longer cared to even practice the celestial magic I once loved and thrived at. I had followed the wrong path for so many years and it had taken me to sink to my lowest to even see it.
For weeks I drifted through life, of course my father did not care that I had almost perished on the field, and my warriors were all gone, unable to be laid properly to rest. Mother tried her best to shield me from his viciousness, but I knew my hours of aimlessness were ticking. I knew Father would want me back out into battle as soon as possible.
It was at one such celebratory event my father was having to mark the capture of the planet I had failed to secure; did he make these intentions known. I was forced to partake of course, forced into a long velvet gown as I sat alongside my brother's Sol and Ezekiel. Sol was always the softer of the two and kept my company through the night while Ezekiel pranced like a ballerina amongst the victors. My father towered over everyone as he stood at the head of the ravishing golden table, the cutlery and food of the finest caliber and quality as everyone cheered and sang their battle hymns. I couldn't force myself to feel a flicker of interest until the silver haired young man strode into the hall and my father praised his "best general".
His tunic matched his rippling silver hair, the white gold threads that were woven into the fabric shone even from the distance I sat, and with his strong jawed face and battle sword at this side he was a sight to behold. Disgustingly, heat flooded my cheeks for the first time in months as his eyes lingered on mine. Cursing my own self for allowing this man to be the only thing that could lift me from the deep fog I was in, I quickly pried my eyes from him as my father's words kept flowing through the hall.
I looked down, ignoring the oddly calculating sneer Ezekiel was giving me as my mind whirred. So, he was a general, he had to have either been new, or serving another part of the galaxy from where I had overseen. And it seems he had captured the planet that had been my downfall…I could not help but feel a savage sort of happiness deep within. For my sisters. For myself.
I could feel eyes on me suddenly, an excited murmur was taking over the room as my father cleared his throat and requested silence. Every being was attentive to him then, even my glorious mother as she sat in a dress of lovely pale chiffon beside him.
"For many years, my daughter Celestia has been on the battlefront. Her and her Valkyries have won and secured many a battle." My incredulous eyes shot to my father as scattered applause filled the hall. I didn't know what to do with my shaking hands suddenly. For years, my whole life actually, he had never acknowledged me as "his" daughter, and it was only sharp barking orders did he communicate with me, if at all. Now he was praising me and my fallen sisters.
"However, she has come to the stage where all females shall reach. She is disallowed from battle; she will leave that to her betrothed instead." My heart began palpitating wildly as father gestured for Koschei to stand at his side. Ezekiel shot me the cruelest smile I had seen from him yet as Sol gently gripped my bone cold hand under the table.
"It is time for my daughter to serve the purpose she was intended for and breed the future generations of son's who will continue to do the work of the greater good." Father's impassioned bellow filled the hall as my stomach dropped further. How could he trade me off like cattle? As though I was a senseless piece of barter. I did not even know this man I was betrothed to, and how dare he try to tell me when it was my "time" to stop battle and breed this man's children.
A sick feeling rose in my throat and I had to blink back tears, clutching onto Sol's hand was my only tether to reality. It was cruel how he disregarded me, and as soon as I was no longer useful, I had to be broken, tamed and then given away. I could feel my mother's eyes on me, I could hear the clapping, wolf whistling and cheers at my father's words but I remained trapped in my own thoughts the rest of the night.
At the end of the evening as the guests departed, I tried to quickly leave before anyone could stop me. However, Koschei himself stood in the doorway, his black eyes assessing. My heart thrummed wildly, but this time I felt sick in a nervous way. I had never felt this feeling before as he strolled over to me.
"Celestia." He rolled my name off his tongue, and for the first time I heard the flicker of an accent. "I need to speak to you. I know this is a lot to take in right now- "
"A lot for me?! This is a sabotage." I snarled as I cut across him. I was still a warrior and her rage bristled inside me.
Infuriatingly, he smiled.
"If you are looking for someone to blame, then blame me. Ever since the day I found you on that field, I haven't been able to get you out of my mind…This rage in you, this passion, this light." He stepped closer to me with each word, stopping mere inches from me as his deep black eyes captivated me.
Heat flooded my cheeks once more, but I forced myself to hold his gaze.
"I needed to know you. I heard so many stories of your amazing battles, how you rode in flying winged creatures, cutting down every enemy in your path for years on end. As soon as I finished my last mission, I came directly to your father, pleading with him to allow me to know you, to court you." He smiled sweetly, his eyes becoming soft.
"I could not believe it when my Lord told me that if I secured Nifelen, I could have your hand. I thought this was already discussed with you, but clearly, I was mistaken. It crushed me to see you after so long and you are upset. I watched your face light up and then crumble all at the same moment, and I'm sorry if I am the cause of your pain…" his eyes roved over my face, stopping the longest at my lips.
"All I ask is for the chance to court you, if you do not want me then I will understand and accept your decision. Please, just give me the opportunity to prove myself to you. Let me be your betrothed by your assent." Ever so slowly, his right knuckles raised to stroke my cheek. I almost allowed myself to be swayed, almost allowed the warm comforting touch of his coarse hand to cause me to lean into him. But, I didn't. I stepped away from him and not trusting myself to speak, brushed past him to continue towards my room. Only then did I let the tears fall.
But he was persistent. No matter the cold shoulder I gave him, he kept to his word, constantly showing up to court me just as he had promised. Unconsciously I grew accustomed and a small part of me longed for those days he would come, a funny tale to cheer me up with, my favorite food or flower in tow. Slowly, he made me feel sweet, soft and feminine in a way I never knew I could feel before. I felt…safe with him and he encouraged me to get back into things I loved. He was empathetic to my feelings of despair and sadness that still washed over me, and even encouraged me to use this newfound time to help the innocents of the galaxy using my celestial magic. He was a man of kindness, honesty and fairness in my eyes.
Before I knew it, we were married.
It was the most extravagant wedding since my Mother's. The night was filled with laughter, tears and happiness I had never seen within our court. Even Father seemed fulfilled and content, observing everything with a cold eye, but an air of smugness floated about him.
I stopped then, closing down my mind as my memories of our wedding night flooded my mind.
Our newlywed suite was cut from the mountainside of alabaster and moonstone as it overlooked the ocean, the double doors of the terrace were thrown open allowing silvery moonlight and salt coated breeze to fill our room. Candles perched around the enormous room, illuminating his handsome figure as he clicked the door shut behind us. I had drunk unapologetically all night and danced until my feet ached in the diamond studded strappy heels I wore. I flopped back onto the bed, laughing jovially as I recounted our evening of bliss. He smiled silently at me as he began walking towards me. Chills began to roll down my skin as he suddenly sank to his knees before me, gently taking my right foot in his hand and smoothly unlatched the strap of the heel. He repeated the movement on my left foot next and my breath hitched as his fingers began massaging my swollen feet.
"My beautiful bride." He murmured as his broad hands slid to my ankle, igniting what felt like an electric shock throughout my body. He cupped my right foot in his hand as though it was made of precious metals and ever so slowly pushed my legs apart, at the same time raising the hollow of my ankle to his lips. I fell back onto the bed then, back arched and fingers sliding through the silken sheets as he slowly rose, pushing up my dress and leaving butterfly kisses up across my calf then slowly, ever so slowly, onto the inside of my thighs, opening me up a little more with every kiss. Fire was erupting in my core as his lips drifted ever closer towards my center. His fingers suddenly crept across my skin, pulling down the lace under piece I wore and slid across my wet opening.
The moan burst from my lips as I gazed down at the sudden feral expression he wore. I knew he could see and smell my arousal for him, but he continued the slow butterfly kisses onto my burning skin. "Please." It was all I could utter as his fingers slowly began massaging my center, coaxing my back into another arch upon the bed. When he began feasting on me, I couldn't recall time, space or what lay beyond the feel of him between my sopping legs. It was only when I had thoroughly spun over the edge and he seemed satisfied with that, did he ever so gently take his time to remove the enormous wedding gown I had donned. Pearls, diamonds and pure gold were bedecked amongst the layers of tulle and silk as he placed it onto a spare loveseat near the bed.
I lay with only my lace slip on, glowing with happiness and lust in the moonlight that permeated across my golden skin. I watched my warrior husband strip the gold and black tunic he wore, revealing for the first time his toned and scarred body to me. His skin too seemed to glow as his eyes traveled from my smiling face down to the very tips of my toes. Looking at him from beneath lowered lashes I opened my legs, placing two fingers into the wetness he had created. An invitation. "Come husband." I breathed; all lingering traces of shyness gone. For a moment his eyes guttered, seeming to suck all of the light from the room as his body quivered with checked want for me as he came onto the bed.
"Say that again." He purred in my ear, nibbling on the lobe as he held his body over mine, clutching my hands under his as I squirmed and laughed. "I want you to call out for me again…and again…and again." With every word did he kiss my face, then jaw, then my neck. "You are the very core of the universe for me Celestia. You are everything I need." He continued murmuring to me, sending shivers of want down my body with every breathy word.
As tears welled in my eyes, I kissed him deeply as I pleaded for him to enter me. To consummate not just our marriage, but our devotion and the tender love we had built for each other. For helping me put myself back together in a time where I had felt absolutely fractured beyond repair. And when he did enter me and we both gasped and clung to each other, he was gentle. Until I begged him to ravish me, to consume me and fill me with every inch of his love. And when we came together over the edge, the candles were exhausted as the power of our love filled the room…
"Lady Celeste?!"- It was Rhysand's curt voice that cut my memories short. His worried face, and the faces of the others slowly drifted to me as I was pulled from my memories. Blinking rapidly, my memories faded as I was forced back into reality. I had not allowed myself thought of that night for many many moons. It was literally a whole different lifetime ago, but I could not help the lingering tears that filled my eyes.
"My-my apologies to you all." I mumbled, quickly swiping away the tears from my eyes. Unable to hold their gazes. Suddenly Feyre got up, walking over to me she grasped my hands. "You've been divulging your literal life for complete strangers in a few words…you are more than allowed to feel your emotions, no matter what. Please don't be ashamed by that. Take all of the time you need." Her warm smile cracked my heart as I gave her back a shaky smile of my own and the others seconded her words.
"Soo…you're a celestial goddess warrior born from The Mother and the daughter of what- the evil supreme lord of the universe?" Cassian interjected sarcastically. He ignored the crippling look Amren shot him as he continued. "And not only that, but you literally married a death god who's threatening our planet now? Definitely take your time and feel those emotions…but I'm confused how we got here." He gave me the most awkward smile grimace yet, earning another shaky laugh out of me.
"Cassian, you remind me very much of my beloved brother Sol. I think you two would have gotten along well together." I smiled warmly at him as the others rolled their eyes at his crassness.
"I think we should give her some time to rest, eat and collect herself." Rhysand spoke, but he looked around the room at the tensed and nervous faces. "This has no doubt been a lot to unpack for you, just as my wife has said. Please, we can continue at a later time. Allow us to serve you a meal and a bed for your time here." He looked at me with unguarded kindness in those sparkling eyes for the first time and I nodded my gratefulness.
"I know this is all even more confusing, and I have left you all with a lot of questions rather than answers, but this is the first time I have explained my past, my emotions and memories to other beings aside from my mother. I glanced at the giant window, it had been bright when we had initially entered the room, but now twilight fell over the artesian city of Velaris. "I shall tell the rest of my tale tomorrow. Please, allow me to enjoy the lovely city that is your Velaris for the night."
"Of course, you may go wherever your heart wishes." Feyre smiled warmly, then walked back over to Rhysand. "I must head back to my son now, but I want to thank you for allowing us such vulnerability and knowledge from you. Please, allow Azriel and the girls to show you around tonight." With another smile she kissed Rhysand and was gone in the blink of an eye, leaving Azriel to give me a curt nod that somehow went into a bow. Rhysand and Cassian shot each other mischievous grins as more color filled the shadow singer's cheeks.
Amren rose shakily, her face the tautest of the group as she bowed her farewells and exited from the room as well.
Elian and Nesta rose in unison as they gestured for me. "Let us show you into our world." Nesta smirked with the air of royalty she could never quite shake off.
