Author's Note: This is the major changing point with Sesshie's personality. The first go around really wasn't up to snuff, in my opinion, so I'm hoping this time will be better. This is also one of three places that urged me to completely overhaul the story the way I have. It took me forever to get through this chapter and the reviews, follows, and kudos really helped get it done. Thank you everyone!
~*Flame
Disclaimer: InuYahsa & Final Act are all owned by Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Viz Media & Madmen Entertainment.
Chapter 6
"Tell me about your family." I snorted at Kagome's request. I didn't need to look up to know she was sitting cross-legged on her favorite large boulder. I had a bet with myself that it would only be a few more minutes before she hopped down to dip her feet in the water. She was so frequently playing in the cool liquid one would think she was fish. The same couldn't be said for me. Though I enjoyed watching her splash around, I preferred to stay dry.
Leaning my head back to rest on her boulder, I contemplated what to tell her. Over the years, our friendship had grown as we aged; as was to be expected. We did not play as often as we once did. Though I missed the play, there was something to be said of the solace each other's company brought. Often we would just end up lying together in the grass; Kagome would talk and I would listen. We both preferred it that way, and it was only on rare occasions she would ask me something. I never hesitated to oblige her; at least, not until today.
"There's not much to tell." I frowned at the slight crack in my voice. That was the main reason I preferred to listen to Kagome, especially as of late. Thankfully, she ignored the imperfection, as she always did. If only the Western Court could do the same. I heard her shift on the rock above me and I could imagine the glare she was sending my way. I knew she wasn't happy with my response. But I wasn't sure what I could tell her.
"You never talk about them." She prompted, and I huffed.
"There's a reason for that." I knew she wanted to hear about similar things she had told me about her own family. I knew all about how Souta could run faster than her, even at his young age. How her mother would support her in anything she wanted to do, even if she didn't agree with her. That her grandfather would always try to spark her interest in becoming a Miko by giving her the strangest of objects. I had none of those stories, and the ones I did have would upset her.
"Why?" My eyes slid shut at the innocence of her question. Not even taking in consideration the cultural differences time had placed between us, she was too tender-hearted not to be upset to hear how different our family situations were. The last thing I wanted to do was make her cry. Her tears did strange things to me.
"I don't think you'll understand. I am held to a much higher standard than most."
"So make me understand." Stubborn girl, can't you see I don't want to upset you?
"No." I stood, fully intending to leave the Dream Realm. I wasn't running away, I was making a strategic retreat. The next time we meet, she will probably be too excited by whatever she had learned in school, or something Souta had done to hound me on this topic again. At least, not right away. However, as I had learned what to expect from her over the years of our friendship, she, too, knew me better than anyone else.
"Don't you dare run!" She quickly leapt from the boulder. Even with my back turned, I could feel the intensity of her glare.
"I'm not running." I growled, keeping the snarl that wanted to escape from my voice. She knew better than to accuse me of running. It was exactly why she used that phrase; it would keep me here, at least for a while longer. And, once again, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker, as she would say. One of these days, I wouldn't react to the goad. Then what would she do?
"You could have fooled me." Her indignant snort made me clench my jaw in anger. This extra step was new, and not something I appreciated. If she wanted this conversation so badly, so be it. Let her be upset. At least then she will learn that her actions have consequences.
I slowly turned to look at her. Her sapphire eyes blazed with challenge, and I could feel my own eyes bleed red around the corners in response. That challenge quickly changed as soon as she saw my beast come forth. Kagome backed up, her eyes now wide with surprise. She should be scared, not surprised at the creature peeking through my eyes. This was the first time she's encountered my beast. Any normal human would have initially realized the danger they were in; but not Kagome. She was in danger and all she could do was be surprised that she hadn't seen this before.
Not that surprising. Kagome hardly riled me up so much, at least not anymore. When we were younger, that wasn't the case, but my beast was still deeply asleep back then. As I grew into adulthood, the beast had awakened. I always knew I would have one, but not so soon. For most youkai, their inner beast didn't awaken until adulthood. The day mine woke finally proved to the Western Court I had the potential to bring all their plans to fruition.
I had just been dozing off to join Kagome in the Dream Realm when the room started shaking. It wasn't the first time in my life I had experienced the earth shaking. It wasn't even the strongest. But be it how close I was to sleep or the unexpected intensity of the earthquake, I had been so surprised my beast burst to the surface.
Youki whipped about the room, knocking over the furniture the quake hadn't already. By the time the shaking ended, I had completely transformed. The unfortunate servant tasked with checking on me screamed upon seeing the large Inu, focusing my beast's attention on them. Had Mother not have been so near, the servant would have died when the beast lunged at her. As it was, my room would be under extensive repair until the next moon. Ever since then, my beast has reminded me of its presence whenever possible.
I never expected the difficulty of learning how to control my beast. Any spike in emotion would rile the creature, and he was hard to put back in its cage. I had been biding my time for the next solstice to enlist Father's aid in learning control, but I may not be able to wait so long. Kagome had done an expert job riling my beast up, and I'd be damned if I let it hurt her.
I could feel the red bleed further into my eyes as Kagome continued to stare at the beast inside. Though her gaze wasn't challenging, she had not dropped her eyes and shown the submission the alpha beast inside demanded. I wanted to shout at her to look away, to look down and present her throat to me.
But I couldn't.
It was like I was locked away, only able to helplessly watch as my beast took full control. Much like the first time the beast took over and nearly killed the servant. But here, there was no one to stop it from hurting Kagome. Fear spiked through me as the beast prowled towards her.
The only thing to be grateful for at the moment was that she hadn't run from us. Had she done so, there was no telling what my beast would do to her. She backed up a few more steps, her legs hitting her favorite boulder unexpectedly. A gasp escaped her and I could feel the beast savor the sound as it continued to stalk towards her, preventing any escape she had.
"Why does Mine need to know about another Alpha?" The voice that came out was deeper, a growl rolling through the words. Out of anything I expected, this wasn't it. My beast didn't see Kagome as a threat. Oh, far from it. I saw her as his.
"Sesshoumaru, what's gotten into you?" Even now, she stood there concerned for me when she should be afraid for herself.
"Is Mine seeking a new Alpha?" My beast growled, enraged at the thought. Did it really believe I... we... were Kagome's Alpha? Looking through the beast's eyes, I knew it to be the truth. It wasn't the first time I had thought of Kagome as pack, but knowing that my beast felt the same… it was a relief. No matter how angry the beast would be become, it would never truly harm Kagome. Oh, it would certainly take every opportunity to scare her into submission, but she was safer than she would ever realize.
Kagome didn't understand youkai. It wasn't really something we discussed, nor something they taught in her time. She saw humans and youkai as the same, but that was far from true. There was a savageness to us youkai that most humans didn't have and couldn't comprehend. It was that very savageness that would keep her safe, not only when faced with my beast, but should she ever find herself in danger with us around.
"What are you talking about?" Kagome's brows furrowed in confusion as I continued to struggle for dominance. She might be safe with the beast, but that didn't mean I wanted her scared of us. She didn't fully understand that she was safe, and the beast would not take the time to explain that to her. Growl deepening, my beast moved in closer to her, noses nearly touching.
"I am your Alpha. You seek to learn of another. Why?" I could see the light of clarity fill her sapphire eyes. She shook her head, chucking at what was far from a laughing matter. My beast didn't appreciate her mirth.
"Silly." She rolled her eyes, causing the beast to sneer. "I'm not looking for an Alpha. I'm looking to know more about you." Her words alone quelled the beast. No, she did not submit like it wished, but her word were enough to pacify the beast for the moment. In the beast's eyes she had admitted that she was pack and ours. She was happy with her place in the pack and wasn't seeking another. Finally, the first grip of control was mine as I dragged myself from the recess of my mind.
I felt the blood drain from my eyes, the gold no doubt returning, as sweat beaded on my forehead. I might have regained control, but the beast wasn't ready to return to its cage. It wanted more time with Kagome, not that I blamed it any. Though it would bring no harm to Kagome, it refused to allow it to have the opportunity to scare her away.
With a mental slam, I locked the beast away once more, its howl of outrage echoing through my mind the whole time. Taking a deep breath, I let myself finally relax before taking a step back and giving Kagome some space.
"Forgive me." I whispered, slightly ashamed of the display she had witnessed. I knew she wouldn't judge or fault me for the lapse, but that didn't make it any less embarrassing. "I shouldn't have lost control like that." I glanced back at Kagome's eyes, still not seeing any fear. Once again those sapphire orbs were filled with curiosity. Did nothing scare this human?
"What happened?" Her eyes were searching for something, possibly signs of the beast, her eyes scanning my face, never gazing at one place for too long.
"That was my inner beast." I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I didn't want to have this conversation, but I owed it to her. There was no telling how long it would take me to gain control over my beast, and I needed to make sure she knew she would always be safe should it appear. "It won't hurt you, no matter how it might seem."
"Of course not, silly." She giggled, causing my eyes to snap open to stare at her incredulously. "It's part of you, and you would never hurt me." The blind faith she had in me was awe-inspiring. No matter what it took, I would gain control over my beast, even if that meant keeping the emotions that brought it to the surface at bay.
Tracking down Mother was far more difficult than I expected. She almost never left the castle, so it should have been easy, yet that was far from the truth. Each room I entered to find her either missing or recently vacated increased my irritation, which was the last thing I needed at the moment.
Father was still many moons away from his next visit and I refused to wait any longer to learn control over my beast, or at the very least, my emotions. Even if I had to wait until Father's visit to learn control over the beast itself, if Mother could teach me how to control my emotions, I could avoid the triggers that would give the beast the opportunity to escape its cage. Mother was the epitome of indifference. If she couldn't teach me how to keep my emotions at bay, no one could. I just needed to stay in control longer enough to learn from her, and try to ignore the irritation at this game of hide and seek we were playing.
Growling, I stalked the halls, searching each room as I passed. Trying to follow her scent trail was a lost cause within the Shiro. Her scent was everywhere. With each step, I could feel the beast rattle against its cage. I need to find her soon, before the beast took over once more and cause the Court to view me as a raving beast in need of being put down. They were only now viewing me in a different, more positive light.
Thankfully, it wasn't much longer before I found Mother, as she was preparing to enter her chambers for the evening. As undignified as it was, I called out to her, not wanting her to enter the forbidden room before I had the chance to speak with her. She did pause, but didn't turn around; willing to listen, but not for long.
"Mother," I bowed, even though she wasn't watching. "Teach me to be more like you." The request hung in the air, and I kept my head lowered as the silence dragged on. As curious as I was to know her reaction, I knew there would be no way to know. Mother was a master at keeping her face indifferent and her emotions locked deep within. It was why she, more than anyone else, could help me.
My ears twitched at the near silent rustle of silks. Risking a quick glance, I noticed Mother had turned to face me and I couldn't have been more relieved. She was going to consider my request, and I didn't have to beg. It was the best-case scenario.
"What is it I can teach you that your father cannot?" She finally spoke, her melodic voice feeling like a shout in the quiet hall. Lifting my head, she looked indifferent to the situation, just as I expected. This was the first time I had ever sought her out for help, yet she seemed as if this was nothing special. This was exactly what I needed to learn.
"Control." A single, delicate eyebrow lifted in interest. "I need to learn control over my emotions."
"Hn." I bowed again, hoping she would agree. Shouldn't she want to? As Heir of the West, I would need this skill at some point. Wasn't it best for all involved that I was willing to learn?
"Please, Mother. I wish to learn all you can teach me." I could feel her eyes on me, assessing as the silence once again stretched between us.
"It will not be easy."
"I would not expect it to be." Nothing worthwhile was ever easy.
"Hn. Come." I stood, hesitating only a moment as Mother left the door to her chambers and lead the way down the hall. With this being the first time Mother has taken the time to teach me something, I didn't know what to expect; and I found myself rather excited.
Neither of us spoke as she calmly lead me down a hall I'd never explored before. It was far from the heart of the Shiro, closer to the public gardens if I was remembering correctly. I was so focused on figuring out where exactly we were, I nearly missed that Mother had stopped before a door and nearly collided with her.
"What you are about to undertake is a rite of passage all rulers of the West have undergone before you." She unlocked the door, revealing a small room unlike any I'd ever seen in the Shiro before. The floor was dirt; not a scrap of wood to be seen, and in the center of the room was a large, ominous pit. A shutter ran through me as I stared at the deep hole.
"Normally, the Heir would not undergo this rite until they were ready to take their place as ruler." Mother walked into the room, dirt instantly staining the bottom of her lavender and white kimono as she moved closer to the pit. I just stood there in the doorway, for the first time in my life, scared of what was about to happen. My breath hitched as she passed the pit.
Turning, she faced me, the pit straining between us. "You are far from normal." With a lift of her hand, she motioned me to come closer. I had asked for her help and now that I had it, I was regretting the decision. Even if this rite of passage would be unavoidable, did I really want to undergo it now? I had centuries to prepare for whatever was about to happen. Why should I rush it?
"Sesshoumaru" Her voice held a reprimand for not immediately answering her call. Squaring my shoulders, I slowly entered the dark room. I had asked for this. There was no turning back now.
The pit was deep. Even with my superior sight, I couldn't see the bottom. "You will not run out of air. But that is the only assurance you will have." I shuttered, eyes locked on the pit as her words registered. She was going to leave me in there. Swallowing, I forced my gaze from the pit, latching on her own golden orbs.
"For how long?" I didn't scowl as my voice cracked. The embarrassment from the flaw was far from my greatest concern at the moment.
"Until you escape." That… shouldn't be too bad. Regardless of how deep the pit was, I could always claw my way out.
"Hn," I nodded, preparing to jump down into the unknown. But just as my feet left the ground, I felt Mother's youki flare around us. As I plummeted into the earth, I felt her youki wrap tightly around me, pinning my arms to my sides and leaving them completely useless. Panicking, I kicked out, trying to stop my fall, only for her youki to slither lower and wrap around my legs.
A shout escaped my lips as I plunged to the bottom of the pit. My bones protested the landing, but thankfully didn't break. Looking up, I couldn't see the opening or Mother. How was this supposed to help me control my emotions? This made no sense. Why would Mother do this? How was this a rite of passage for our family?
Struggling, I pushed against Mother's youki, only for it to tighten further. My lungs ached as it strained for breath against the crushing force of her youki. "If you do not calm yourself, you will die." Mother's voice whispered down the pit, causing my ears to twitch.
"Please," I gasped, still struggling for breath.
"Mother," tears pricked my eyes as the sound of quiet, shifting silk moved away from the pit.
"I changed my mind." The only response was the sound of the door closing as she left me here.
"Please…" I begged, hoping she could still hear me. Tears rolled down my cheeks as my head swam.
"Please…" Not able to hold my head up any longer, I let it hang against my chest, giving up the fight against her youki and closing my eyes.
"Mother…"
The cold had long ago seeped into my bones. How long had I been in this pit, surrounded by only darkness? Panic had left me long ago, as I quickly learned that it would only cause Mother's youki to constrict around me, cutting off any chance of breathing. Any quick movements did, really.
When the bugs first started entering the pit, squirming to get away from their stinging bites only resulted in passing out from lack of air. Once Mother's youki loosened, those same stings would pull me back to consciousness. They also prevented me from escaping this nightmare through sleep.
Eventually, I had figured out how I could move without causing Mother's youki to react. Though it took me far longer than I would like to admit. The key really was to stay calm, as she had instructed. The calmer I was, the more logically I could think and try to come up with a plan. I could also make small, fluid movements without causing the youki to constrict. Even with the small range of movement returned to me, there was no way to climb out of the pit. At least not conventionally.
Taking a slow, deep breath, I let my legs relax; slowly kneeling in the pit. It had taken a while to come up with this plan, too panicked to think clearly when I first fell in the pit. It was rather embarrassing, really. I had passed out from lack of air when I had initially fallen, only to wake to the biting stings of insects. It had turned into a nasty cycle until I finally forced myself to remain calm as the insects ate me alive. Only then did I discover this ability to move; slowly, calmly, gracefully.
I couldn't remember how deep the pit was, too panicked when I was falling to pay attention. That meant I did not know how much force I would need to launch myself out of the pit. I knew that as soon as I set my plan into motion, the youki would constrict, but that would be no issue. I was used to the sensation by now and could handle waiting for it to pass.
Using my own youki, I leapt straight up from the pit. Mother's youki instantly constricted, forcing the air from my lungs. It didn't matter. It wouldn't kill me.
The pit was far deeper than I expected. I could just barely see the opening before the momentum was lost, and I started plummeting once again. Bones jarring as I landed, I ignored it all, focusing only on my steady breathing. I didn't even notice when the constriction of the youki faded.
Tuning my head up, I glared at the far up opening of the pit. If my plan was going to work, I needed more height, or more force, to get out. Then, there would be the challenge of not just coming right back down. How would I be able to move away quickly enough with Mother's youki? Even if I were to grab the edge of the pit by my claws, the time it would take to pull myself out would be astronomical. There had to be another way. What I really needed was a way to remove Mother's youki. My own wasn't strong enough to force hers to submit, which left me at an impasse. If only there was a way to be faster than the youki… a way to slip away before it constricted.
Breath steady, I let my mind wander. Even if it was sooner than others in our line, Mother would not have put me through this ordeal had she not believed I would succeed. That meant that whatever technique I needed to escape was something I had already at least heard about. I doubted it was something I could already do. That would have been too easy, which Mother already said it wouldn't be. So, it must be something I had only read about or heard tales of. And it had to be something only one of the other rulers of the West could do, something Father wouldn't be able to teach me.
Mother was known for her cunning. She was the one responsible for creating the uneasy truce with the other Lands. Her Father was all strength, taking back the West after it was lost after Isamu-sama fell. Grandfather had spent centuries after becoming an adult fighting to regain our former glory. The tales of his exploits were always some of my favorites. Even when facing what seemed like impossible odds, he prevailed.
There was one legend, where Grandfather had been trapped by the Southern Army. They had funneled him through a gorge and were prepared to cut him down once and for all. But he surprised them all by transforming into a ball of light and flying away. It was something I had always believed was embellished through the years… but what if it were true? Did our family really have the ability to travel at the speed of light?
It would certainly be faster than Mother's youki. But how was it done? Opening my eyes, I looked down at Mother's youki for the first time since being in the pit. Her youki was looped around my body in coils, almost like my Dokkasou whip. Was that what this rite was all about? Learning the secret of our family's light orb with the added benefit of preparing to rule and keeping one's emotions out of decision making?
With a smirk, I figured even if this wasn't the solution, it wouldn't really hurt anything to try. Focusing on my own youki, I let just enough of it to spill out to cover my body in the thin layer, creating a barrier against Mother's youki. From there, I forced the youki to shrink, controlling it much like I did my Dokkasou whip. At first, nothing was happening. But I refused to give up. Mother's youki wasn't reacting, and I took that as a good sign.
Without warning, my youki snapped and suddenly it felt as though Mother's youki was crushing me, just as it had when I first fell into the pit and passed out. But it wasn't Mother's youki, it was my own. I could still see Mother's bands of youki, but instead of being wrapped around me, they were just floating there. Looking up was all it took to fly up and out of the pit. I couldn't hold the light orb for long, unable to breathe while in that state; but I didn't need long. Looking back down, I came crashing back down to the earth. The orb shattered upon impact and I just laid there taking slow, deep breaths now that I could breathe once more.
I didn't gasp for air, so used to the consequences of doing so in the pit with Mother's youki. Instead, I took my time coming back to my senses. I would need lots of practice to master this technique. Which meant more time unable to breathe. Had I not learned how to fight down the panic that yearned to take control, I could never master it, no matter how determined I may be.
Slowly standing, I dusted off my filthy silks. There was no saving them, which didn't bother me as much as it would have before the pit. I knew I needed to present myself to Mother now that I had escaped, but I would do so in clean clothes. There was no hurry.
Taking my time, I walked back through the hall I would be unlikely to enter again now that I had passed my rite of passage. The servants I passed in the hall looked surprised to see me, or surprised to see the state I was in. No doubt I looked as I though I had been through the ordeal of my life.
Unsure of how much time had passed while I was in the pit, I took the chance that they had completed the repairs in my room. The door to my room opened soundlessly, and I was pleased to see everything in its rightful place, as if I had never destroyed it. Excellent.
Gliding across the room, I disrobed, leaving the soiled silks in a pile on the floor for the servants to take care of. Reaching the washing basin, I used the pitcher of water to fill the bowl before using the fresh water to wash the dirt and grime from my flesh. The cool liquid felt divine. As cold as the pit was, the cool temperature of the water didn't bother me. The clean feeling was better than any chill could take.
Changing into new silks, I left the room as calmly as I had entered. It was odd. Even now, with the pit far behind me, I was still locked within the mindset of slow, gentle movements to avoid suffocating from Mother's crushing youki. It should bother me, but it didn't. It was a boon, really. It would make mastering the light orb technique far easier.
Newly cleaned, I didn't seem to get as many surprised looks from the servants. It was a good thing, as I was resigned to ask where Mother could be found. Thankfully, it wasn't far; in the dining hall with other members of the Court. All conversation stopped as I entered the room. Some Courtiers even froze with pieces of flesh halfway to their lips as they stared at me in shock.
"Mother," I acknowledged her with a graceful nod of my head.
"Sesshoumaru," she purred. "I am pleased you finally joined us." She gestured to the place to her left at the table.
"Hn," Walking past the Western Court without a glance, I took the seat offered to me. Quickly, a servant placed a plate before me and though I was starving, not having eaten the whole time in the pit, I only glanced at it before looking back at Mother.
"We had not expected to see you so soon." I could hear the pride in her voice, something I never thought I'd hear. "A message has already been sent to your Father. He will not be joining us for the next solstice." I shrugged, not really caring. I had enough to work on while he was away.
"Hn," Tuning back to the plate, I slowly picked up a small piece of flesh with my claws.
Kagome was already in the grotto by the time I arrived. After returning from the meal, I had returned to my room to rest for the first time in at least a moon. I hadn't expected Kagome to be waiting for me, but she was always full of surprises. "There you are!" she shouted from a tree branch overhanging the stream. "Where have you been?" Her concern was easy to read on her face.
I strolled to the base of the tree she was hanging from and looked up at her. "Training." She blinked down at me, concern deepening with a touch of confusion.
"Training so much you couldn't sleep?" She prodded, not really believing me.
"Hn," she blinked again, concern evaporating and the confusion spreading across her delicate features. She climbed down from the tree, only losing her footing once, causing me to catch her lest she fall and harm herself. Sapphire orbs searched my face, looking for something but clearly not finding anything.
"What's wrong with you?" I didn't answer her. There wasn't anything wrong, so there was nothing to tell her. Instead, I leaned against the very tree she had vacated, watching her to see what she would do next.
"Are you mad at me?" She stepped closer, and I raised an eyebrow. Why would she think such a thing? I hadn't seen her in order to be angry. Even if she had done something, lashing out at her would solve nothing. Stewing in anger, as I once had in our youth, was pointless. I looked at Kagome, her eyes shining with unshed tears, and sighed. I suppose if anyone deserved an explanation, it would be her.
"I am not angry." She pouted, and I couldn't help the small smile that escaped. She could be such a silly human. She needed a detailed explanation for nearly everything and wouldn't let things go without one. "My training has given me control over my emotions."
"You're acting like a robot." I wasn't sure what creature she was referring to and just shrugged. It didn't really matter what a robot was. I understood her underlying meaning. Mother had done just as I had requested and trained me to be more like her. No doubt she and I held very similar indifferent expressions and Kagome, as she would say, was not a fan. But this was necessary. She needed to understand that before she could accept it.
"As the Western Heir, I cannot allow my enemies the opportunity to know my thoughts. By controlling my emotions, they cannot read me accurately."
"Am I your enemy, Sesshoumaru?" I cocked my head to the side at the hurt in her voice and tears swimming in her eyes once again. Did she truly believe I would think of her in such a way?
"Don't say such silly things." I snorted.
"Then why be so cold toward me?" Tears rolled down her cheeks, and I frowned slightly. I wasn't being cold. Though… I suppose… I could see how she saw it that way. But this newly gained control wasn't something I could just turn off. She would have to get used to the new me and learn to read me as I am now.
