Chapter 6
Clarke realized that she shouldn't be this fucking comfortable on Echo's horse. She shouldn't be able to let the steady movement of the horse underneath them lull her into sleep. Echo is a spy. Clarke is a wanted person. This shouldn't feel safe, but it does in a way that Clarke can't explain and it rankles her to no end. She wants to rail against Echo, fall off the horse and find herself at the wrong end of a sword, but every time she starts to tip, Echo rights her. It isn't like she knows where she is, either.
This fucking sucks. I want to die and she won't let me. Why? What the fuck have I done to earn her loyalty?
They rode for another three or four hours. Clarke couldn't really tell. It was cold and the ground was white and blinding. She couldn't make out the horizon properly to gauge the time. She knew that she would have to learn another way, but she refused to ask Echo about it. While she felt safe with Echo, she still didn't fully trust her. Even though she was wrapped in furs, comfortable, warm, she was still Echo's prisoner for the time being.
Echo pulled the mount to a stop and dismounted. She quickly set up a small tent, just big enough for the both of them, and then lit a fire. Clarke was losely tied, but she wasn't free. She had no clue how deep into Azgeda they were, and she had no clue which direction to go back. So, Clarke just watched her. She knew that Echo was loyal, but at the moment she was wondering to who. She knew that Echo was loyal to Azgeda and Queen Nia, but was that the only reason that she was making sure that Clarke was brought in alive?
"She'll kill you if I die, won't she?"
"Nia is one thing above all else," Echo started.
"A ruthless, cold-hearted bitch on a power trip?" Clarke asked.
"You've met her?" Echo chirped back.
"Haven't had the pleasure, yet, and hoped to keep it that way," Clarke replied.
"If I didn't bring you, someone else would. If I brought your body, mine would be hers to have. If you died before I found you, I needed to be able to prove that it was natural and not at someone else's hand. If it wasn't, then I would have to bring whomever killed you to her...even it is Heda Leksa. My orders are to bring Wanheda to the Court of Kwin Nia. She doesn't care who the vessel is, just that she has them," Echo answered.
"So, even if it was you, she would..."
"I would be forced to do her bidding still, yes," Echo replied.
Clarke just nodded. There was really nothing more to say. She knew how ruthless Nia was, but she'd never been fully on the receiving end of her wrath. All her major dealings with her had to do with Lexa and not herself. But, that wasn't for lack of trying on Nia's part. Clarke had proven to be rather "elusive" in her other lives. She figured that her luck would run out eventually. But, then again, it really didn't upset her too bad. She knew that she could use this time in Nia's employ to learn more about the sadistic Queen and her people. She would find a way to undermine Nia from the inside. It was almost poetic, not to mention ironic that Nia harming Clarke would come back to bite her hard in another life. Clarke had to refrain from laughing. It wouldn't do. Especially not now. She didn't know exactly where Echo stood on things. And, that was something that she was going to have so suss out before she was presented to Nia.
"She would kill me if it served her purpose. I make sure that I am still needed. I might be a spy and loyal to my kwin, but even I know not to give her everything that she wants. I need a reason to stay in her employ. I also keep tabs on Roan," Echo told her.
"Roan, her banished son, the son that serves Lexa at her leisure?"
"The one and the same," Echo replied.
"Why?"
"Nia is trying to set up her coup against Lexa. Having Roan in Polis is just the beginning, but having you on her side, in whatever capacity that she can, will be the tipping point against Lexa. Having Wanheda on the side of Azgeda will make the other clans think twice before siding against Nia. She is ruthless, but she is also willing to play the long game if she must," Echo told her.
"It doesn't matter. She won't win. Even if she does, she'll lose. There is no way that her reign will be longer than a year in Polis," Clarke said.
"Because you command it that way, Wanheda?"
Clarke shook with a rough, sarcastic, but somehow still, self-depreciating laughter. She looked into Echo's hazel eyes. She realized that the woman was beautiful. She was glad that she never took a blade to her face to hide her beauty behind the scars. Oh, Clarke wasn't a fool. She knew why Echo never had practiced her people's rituals of scarification. Nevertheless, Clarke found it a blessing in disguise for the older woman. She could respect her on some levels, while hating her on others. But, she couldn't stop the laugh that finally erupted from her lips as she met Echo's eyes again.
"You could say that," Clarke replied, knowing that she would never tell them the truth of the coming Praimfaya.
She knew that she was resigning herself to months of torture, but she didn't care. She'd die and wake again. This would just be a blip, a nightmare for her to process in the next life. She would use whatever knowledge that she gained against Nia, Echo and Ontari in the next go 'round. For now, she would hint at things and pretend to call forth Death upon those that she deemed worthy enough to go to Oblivion. But, oh, how she wished it was herself that was going.
"And, is your will, Wanheda?" Echo questioned.
"It doesn't matter for now, Eko kom Azgeda. There are things that not even Nia can stop. She can try, but she while she might be queen of Azgeda, she isn't queen of the world. She doesn't have the right, nor the capacity to rule the coalition. Even with her natblida, Ontari, Nia will fail. There will never be a time that Nia rules long. She won't make six moons on the throne before it all comes crashing down around her. I can promise you that."
"You've seen this, Wanheda?" Echo asked her.
"I have."
Echo went quiet. Clarke watched her more closely. The spy was troubled. It was like she was fighting against some unknown foe in her head. Clarke didn't envy her. She knew that most of Echo did was for survival, be her own or her people's. She served Nia because it served that purpose. In keeping Nia happy, it kept her alive and whoever else that Echo wanted to keep alive in Azgeda. But, Clarke wasn't sure who it was. She knew that Ontari and Nia weren't on that list, but Roan might be. And, if he was, it wasn't at the top. He was just another means to an end for her. His life gave her life, so keeping him alive would keep her alive. Echo closed her eyes.
Clarke watched as the firelight danced upon her face. In another time, she'd want to draw her. Echo was a beautiful subject. But, as they sat there, she could see that Echo had a small crack in the belief system.
"The people of Azgeda have been waiting for Wanheda for over fifty years," Echo started.
Okay, so maybe that crack was actually a really big fucking gorge. What?! Clarke shook her head. Oh, shit. No, no...no, no, no. She wasn't going to kill Nia and free the people of Azgeda from her tyranny. She was just a barely seventeen...no, wait...eighteen year old girl that really didn't have a true fucking clue on how to survive on Earth. She just knew what was to come. She destroyed the Mountain because she eradicated an entire civilization. They were monsters, mostly, but there were... She digressed. This wasn't her fight. She wasnt' there to lead some rebellion. She'd come back to save Lexa and Lexa alone. Everyone else could eat her shit and kiss her ass. She wasn't...
"You don't know the stories about Wanheda, do you?" Echo inquired.
"Not much warlording in Space," Clarke quipped.
"You didn't learn to fight up there in the stars?"
"No."
"Then, how...," Echo started to ask and then laughed as she shook her head. "They were right. Wanheda would come from the stars. She will show us a better way to live. She will bring the twelve together and lead us to our salvation."
"Echo, can I be truthful with you?"
"Sha, Wanheda," Echo immediately answered.
"I'm not a warrior. I'm a healer. I was trained by my mother."
"Even healers are warriors, Klark kom Skaikru. They battle death as well. So, you battle the body, while I battle on a field. We are the same."
"No, we aren't," Clarke retorted quickly. "I don't kill people because I want to, or I'm ordered to."
"But, you still have killed," Echo was quick to state.
Clarke closed her mouth before she said anything else. She could see Echo's point-of-view, but she still hated it. But, it gave her more insight into why healers were so revered. They were necessary, but they were also very few. A good healer meant life or death in a village. She wondered what it meant for her, since she was so "revered" as the great Wanheda now.
"Never mind about that," Clarke said. "Tell me more about your myths of Wanheda."
"They aren't myths," Echo challenged.
"Okay, then what are they?"
"Stories, prophecies, hope given to the restless and hungry children of the snows and ice to warm their bellies in the dead of winter."
"Then, tell me more about it," Clarke urged her. "Explain why you believe in me so much."
"You would laugh at me for it," Echo told her.
"No, I wouldn't."
"You would. You are like the maunmon. You think you are better than everyone else with your tek and knowledge from the world before. I am not a savage just because I don't think like you, Wanheda," Echo practically spat at her.
"I don't think that you are savage, Echo. I never have. I think your world is cruel and rough. But, I understand it on many levels. I just believe that your ways are harsh, but then again, so were our ways up in space. I don't think you are savage though. I think you are a product of your environment and your upbringing. I can't fault you for that. I am the same in that respect. I don't know how to survive well here. You do, but if we were in the stars, you would need me to survive," Clarke explained. "I need to learn how to survive here. Well, I need to learn a better way to survive here."
"Survival is all there is here, Wanheda. That is all life is. It is survival until death," Echo told her.
"It is more than that, Echo. It has to be. You can't just go through life and just fight until you die. I can't believe that. It has to be more. If you think that life is just a fight until death, then what is the point of living?"
Echo just shook her head. Clarke knew that life was a struggle. It was a struggle on the Ark. It was a struggle on Earth. But, through all of that, Clarke found purpose. She found a reason to keep going, to keep fighting, to keep pushing past the levels of pain that she found that she was adept at enduring.
"You don't understand our world, yet, Wanheda, but you will," Echo warned her.
"Then, explain it to me. Tell me what I need to know. Help me to understand, Echo."
"Why should I just tell you?" Echo questioned. "You are Wanheda. You are the Commander of Death. You have the power to decide who will live and who will die. That is why Nia wants you. She wants you to command Lexa to die."
"I won't do that," Clarke told her.
"You will."
"I won't."
"Then, Nia will kill you and take your power."
"She won't do that, either," Clarke stated.
"Why not?"
"Because you know that I am a natblida," Clarke answered.
Echo smiled and then, stated, "Maybe you are ready to meet Nia, maybe you aren't. But, I can tell you know how to play the game. Nia might not kill you outright because you are a natblida, but she'll make you wish you were dead. Knowing that you are natblida, there would be too many people at court that would see you and know that you were, too. She couldn't keep it that quiet. It would eventually get back to Lexa and the Fleimkepas."
"But, yet, she's protected Ontari," Clarke countered.
"Because Ontari has a purpose and stays close to the Queen. She only spars with certain warriors. And, honestly, those warriors are members of the royal guard. Ontari is sheltered. I don't know how you know about her, but no one outside of court does," Echo stated.
"I'm the Commander of Death, remember? I know things. And, Ontari is someone that I'm coming for. Her crimes are many," Clarke replied.
"She is Nia's pet," Echo added like it explained so much.
Clarke nodded. She looked back into the flames. She still wanted to know why Echo was taking "the long way 'round," but she doubted that the spy was going to tell her, now. Trust hadn't been earned yet. And, no matter what Clarke said, she knew that Echo wasn't entirely sure of her. Sure, she knew things, but Echo was still wondering about her being the true Wanheda. Clarke had proven that she wasn't some sort of mythical person. She was flesh and blood just like the rest of them. Only main difference that she had was that she was a "night blood." Echo gave her some sort of reverence because of it, but it wasn't much. Clarke wanted to know more about Wanheda, and now, that she knew there was more to the mythos of the great "Commander of Death," she was going to make it her mission to study the different legends.
Part of her thought that it was wrong, but there was another part of her that told her it was right. In each life, she tried to learn more and more about the clans and the people that had survived. The more she knew, the more she could use it to get the people to help her save themselves. She wasn't trying to manipulate them completely, but she needed to make them understand that she wasn't the enemy. If she had to start with Echo and Azgeda, then she would.
"Why are you so worried about the stories of Wanheda if you were running, Skai Girl?" Echo asked her.
Clarke realized that Echo had been thinking hard as they traveled. She didn't measure up to what Echo thought the great Wanheda should be. She was just a girl running from herself and what she'd done. She didn't believe herself to be a hero. She felt like a murderer. She might have freed all the Grounders from the threat of the Mountain, but she did that at the cost of everyone in the Mountain. Her hands were stained with the blood of warriors, innocents, and the guilty. She didn't believe that she was some big worthy being. She was just a girl that was trying to survive, and now Nia wanted her head or her power. She knew that Nia would settle for either or both, she wasn't that picky and Clarke a little attached to her head.
"I already told you that I am not this mythical hero of yours, Echo. I don't know what more you want from me. I made a decision and now, I'm the one that is paying for it," Clarke explained to her.
It was a partial truth, but it was the truth. She made a decision, and it destroyed the Mountain. She knew, this time around, that she would have the possibility to make another choice. She hadn't though. She still pulled the lever, but this time she did it alone. Lexa had turned back to Polis. Bellamy was fight the guards. Raven was on the table. Her mother was in trouble. And, Octavia was doing her best to get to them to save them through the vents. But, in the end, Clarke was over it. She hated Cage Wallace and Lorelei Tsing with a singular passion that didn't compare to any other. Dante was up there with them, but then were so many others. But, she knew that the only way to stop the reaping and the draining of both Grounder and Skai blood was to kill them. She wanted to protect the young. She wanted to save Maya and the children, but in the end, she just didn't have the time. The needs of the many...
"You feel for those from the Mountain?"
"They were people, too, Echo. Do you not feel for the people of this world? Do you not wonder about the families of those that you hurt? Do you not wonder if they are okay? Do they not hurt too?"
"I can't. If I did, then I wouldn't be a good warrior or spy. Feeling like that is for the weak," Echo told her.
"Then, I guess I am weak...completely weak. I feel for all the innocent lives lost in the Mountain. I feel for the children that never got to see the sun or feel it on their face. I feel for the people that were doing what they could to help you and the others in the cages. I feel the mothers, nirons, children, and others that loved those that I've brought death upon. I cannot just let it go. Their souls haunt me. They demand justice. They demand life. They demand too much from me, and I know that I'll never be able to avenge or honor them enough in this life. But, jok, I'm trying. What are you doing with your life?"
