Chapter 7

She felt their hands coming for her. She could see the anguish in their eyes. The burns and sores from the radiation oozed. The healer in her wanted to help them, but part of her also knew that she couldn't. They were already dead. She would do them a favor by ending their suffering rather than trying to treat them. She felt around for a weapon, a knife, her gun, anything and found nothing. She wanted to cry out for them, but she held her tongue. She knew that it wouldn't do anything for thing for them. All it would do was alert the others that she was there.

Out of the crowd two people came forward. She saw them. She knew them. She mourned them. She couldn't help it. But, seeing them there in front of her, now, hurt worse. She knew they were dead. She'd watched them die. She knew that there was no way to help them, but they were there in front of her with a strange understanding in their eyes. She didn't want to think about the pain that they'd been through, especially since she was the one to cause it.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled as both Maya and Finn reached out for her.

"I didn't want to hurt anyone..." she fretted as she began to pull away from them.

When she looked at them again, she saw blood covering Finn's hands. She knew, instinctually, that it wasn't his own. It was the blood of the eighteen villagers that he'd killed is his mad search for her. She'd tried to warn Bellamy this time, but it didn't seem to matter. Finn losing his mind and causing innocents to die at his own hand was something that couldn't be stopped if he came to the Ground. She made a mental note to keep that on file. She cared for him, and she might have actually loved him had he not betrayed Raven so thoroughly with her. As much as she wanted to save him, she knew deep down that she couldn't. Killing him was the only mercy that she could give him.

Looking down at her own hands, she saw that they were covered in his blood again. She knew this nightmare. It reminded her of Lady MacBeth trying to remove the "spot" after killing the King. She would never be rid of the thoughts, no matter how many times she washed her hands of his blood, in whatever lifetime, it seemed. This was just more proof that she would still be haunted by her deeds.

She was using the hauntings to help her, though. Each new life brought new insights and new ways that she could possibly save all of Man. She wasn't a fool though. She knew that she couldn't save everyone, and unfortunately, she knew that Finn was on that list. No matter how many times she'd tried, he'd die. And, she'd be the one that was left trying to put Raven back together again. She wished that there was a way that she could just be rid of him and save Raven the heartache, but she knew that no matter how upsetting Finn was, to her, to the Grounders, to their survival; she wasn't the one that had to make that call. She knew that it would unfair to put on Raven, but part of her knew that she had to give Raven some say in it. She couldn't just "wake up" and kill him. She needed reason and until everyone else could "wake up" with her; she wasn't going to have a good enough one for Raven to believe.

Clarke shook her head of such thoughts as a burned, boiled, and bloody Maya stood in front of her. Her eyes were vacant and hollow. There was no color left them, turned from their once muted vivaciousness to cold hue of death. Her hands were covered in blood, but they were blistery. The radiation sores swirled all over her skin. Her lips were dry and cracked, like she'd crossed the Sahara with no water but survived. Her hair was limp, but there were sections missing and it was breaking. She looked beyond help or salvaging, but there was a way about her that told Clarke that Maya didn't blame her completely for her death. But, there was more to Maya. There always had been. She had been sweet, kind, and helpful. But, she was also a product of the Mountain. She wanted her freedom just as much as Tsing and Cage did. Only she had honor and scruples on how to go about getting it. She also hadn't been that afraid to die. She seemed like she was resigned to it, knowing that refusing the "treatments" was going to cause it happen sooner than later.

None of this comforted Clarke though. She still thought that she could have done something different. They tried to get those that were helpful into a "clean room" until they could deal with them. She'd sent Octavia through the vents to lead them to safety, but it was to no avail. Clarke still pulled the lever.

When Maya reached for her, she didn't pull away. She stood there and let her come. In the back of her mind, Clarke thought that it was karma and fitting.

"Clarke..." Maya started in a scratchy and pain-filled voice.

"Maya, I'm sorry. I tried," Clarke cried as Maya pulled her into her arms, offering comfort that she didn't believe that she should be allowed. "I tried to save you."

"Clarke..."

"I wanted to be the good guy. I tried to be good guy," Clarke told her as Maya held her tighter. "I didn't want to pull it. Cage..."

"CLARKE!"

She awoke with a start. Her heart was pounding, and she could barely catch her breath. She realized that Echo was wrapped around her. She wasn't sure whether it was to offer her comfort or to keep her from thrashing. For both their sakes at the moment, Clarke went with the latter. She wasn't sure how she would feel if Echo actually managed to show her some sort of emotion more than anger, frustration, or annoyance. But, even in all her wonder, Clarke found herself comforted by the spy. It was a strange feeling, but it wasn't unwelcome.

And, it was this thought that made Clarke push away from Echo with violent movement. There wasn't far for her to go in the tent that they were obviously sharing in the cold, but Clarke realized that she shouldn't be thinking some of the thoughts that started running through her brain. She shouldn't be taking comfort from Echo period. She was stained. She was Wanheda, and while she cared about the people of Earth, it didn't mean that she should find comfort from her own conscience over what she'd done. She was looking for redemption and keeping Lexa alive. She knew that she had to make amends, but receiving comfort from Echo wasn't a way to find it. Clarke had decided that until she found a way to keep Lexa alive through and past Praimfaya that she wouldn't let herself indulge in any forms of physical comfort, except maybe from her mother or Raven.

She didn't want to think why she though Raven was safer for her more "base" instincts, but she knew that her friend was. Raven while being an exceptional lover was a good friend and more of a sister to her. She needed Raven and her brashness, but she didn't want Raven to be someone that could warm her bed on a regular basis.

Echo was beautiful, and in her mindset, right now, Clarke could find comfort in her body. She didn't want it. But, she knew that the longer she was alone with Echo, the more that she might crave it. She hated that fact, but humans are social creatures. They will find whatever comfort that they can, even in the strangest scenarios. Being with Echo wasn't repulsive as it was intriguing. She was currently also her ironically compassionate enemy and captor.

"What are you doing?" Clarke almost hissed, as her thoughts finally made her realize that she was fully awake and aware.

Echo almost scoffed, but she held her tongue. In the faint light of the morning that was coming through the flaps of the tent, she could see the fear and trepidation in Clarke's eyes. Echo didn't understand why the woman was scared of her. She hadn't hurt her more than was needed to capture her, not that it was a lot. Clarke was already defeated by the time that Echo had shown up. And, she was feeding her and keeping her warm on their trip to Nia.

"I was restraining you," Echo stated.

"Why?"

"You were thrashing," Echo answered.

"I was having a nightmare," Clarke replied.

"And, I was keeping you from hitting me. Whatever it was that you were dreaming about Wanheda, it wasn't pleasant. You were fighting me for a good while and then went lax in my arms."

Clarke nodded slightly. She wasn't going to thank her for the comfort. She was still dragging her to Nia, after all. Thanking her now for a simple kindness wasn't going to make her plight any less. She hoped that she could make Echo see her a person, someone to befriend, but she knew that even through this little event, Echo only thought of her as a mythical creature that will save Azgeda even if they didn't know from who or what. She kept quiet as she watched Echo more closely.

"Well, since you're already up. We might as well get a move on. It might snow soon and I don't want to be caught in it," Echo told her. Reaching around herself, she grabbed some furs and threw them at Clarke. "Put those on. You'll stay warm. We aren't stopping often today. There is too much ground between us and Troi. And, since you are from the stars and don't know how to survive here, snow is cold and wet. And, in the amounts that we get in Azgeda, very deadly. It can get so white that you can't see in front of your face and get lost in the drifts inches from your own door. So, get dressed, Skaigada. I will pack us up and get the horse ready."

Clarke just nodded. She knew that Echo didn't have to be as nice as she was being, but she was thankful for it. She knew that as soon as she got to Nia's palace though, she'd curse her for it. It was a Catch 22 that they both found themselves in. Clarke decided just to learn what she could. This would just a research life and one that she need to study in fast to survive. She grabbed the furs and started to donning them.

True to her word, Echo packed up their little camp. It honestly wasn't much, just a tent, some furs, and what looked a bag of food. Clarke hadn't thought to ask her where she got it. The stitching and things in it looked familiar, but she didn't want to push and find out if Echo knew who Niylah was. She didn't need anyone else to pay for her mistakes in this life. She knew that they would never find the bunker, and she wasn't about to let Nia in on the secret of Night Blood being able to save them all. So, this life would just have to suck for as long as it did until Praimfaya. After that, she'd just reset it all and try again. She shook her head of the thoughts and started to help Echo with the tent. By the time that she was done, they were packed.

Clarke looked to the horizon and smiled. There was red amongst the clouds. She tried to remember the saying that her father had taught her. It had been something rhyming and from the Old World, way before the bombs, but just seeing it made her smile.

"Why are you smiling?" Echo asked her.

"Just remembering something my father told me long ago when I was a child up in the stars," Clarke answered.

"Yeah, and what was it?" Echo questioned as she finished saddling the horse again.

"Red sky in morning, sailor take warning. Red sky at night, sailor's delight," Clarke stated as she stared at Echo waiting for a reaction.

"Does it have a meaning?"

"If the sky is red there," Clarke pointed west. "It means that it will storm today."

"That makes sense. Rain tends to come from that direction. But, what if it is from that way?"

"Then, the storm has past. Like at sundown, the red would mean that the storm has already passed so the sailors didn't need to worry about stormy seas."

"There is water in the stars?" Echo inquired.

"No. No, there is no water. It was just a saying that adventurers used to use. It was just something to help people gauge how their day was going to go."

"Oh, like the fact that I heard thunder a few days ago before I came for you," Echo stated.

"I don't understand. What would thunder tell you besides it is storming with lightning?"

"It doesn't alway just thunder during a storm, but in Azgeda as it cools, if you hear thunder, snow is a few days behind."

"So, there is snow storm coming?" Clarke inquired, trying to make sure that she understood what Echo was telling her.

"Sha, snou fou sen sintaim." (Yes, snow before seven days.)

Clarke looked at Echo and then at the sky. She didn't understand the correlation, but she knew that it must mean something. If the people of Azgeda believed that hearing thunder was a precursor to snow coming, she had no reason not to believe it. She'd heard stranger things in the village of Trigedakru. She knew that the "People of the Ice" would have their own sayings and their own reasons for them. If what Echo said was true, then Clarke understood why she wanted to cover so much ground quickly. Echo didn't want to be caught too far away from Troi, with her, in the snow. And, to be honest, with what little she knew about snow, she wasn't exactly wanting to be out in without the proper supplies and gear, either.

"Then, we should go?"

"Sha, come on. I'll help you up. We will ride hard today. Hold on tight," Echo told her as she jumped up into the saddle and reached down for Clarke's arm.

Clarke reached up for it. It didn't feel wrong for her to be on the back of the horse. She'd think about that later, but for now, she knew that she had to prepare herself for the harshness of an Azgeda winter and what Nia was going to do to her. She shivered at the thought and burrowed closer to Echo's back.

She didn't want to think about the nightmare before her. She knew that Nia was cruel. She knew that Nia would just as soon kill her and send her head back to Lexa. Nia wasn't known for being hospitable. And, Ontari wasn't known for her leniency. She knew Nia was going to torture her. And, while she could try to prepare mentally for it, she knew that her body would break first. And, soon after her body broke, her mind would too. It was inevitable. But, she knew that the timeline hadn't changed, or at least it hadn't so far.

Jaha was dead though, so hopefully, she wouldn't have to deal with ALIE. That meant that she didn't have to worry about "Zombie" people on the chip. It wasn't going to stop the fact that the nuclear reactors hadn't been upkept. The meltdowns were already occurring around the world. And, within months, the world would burn again. The Old World was still causing issues almost a century later. She huffed at the thought. Maybe dying in space would have been better, she mused. At least then, she wouldn't have to watch the world burn and all her friends in it.

"You can sleep if you need to," Echo told her. "I'll tie you to me."

"No, sleep won't help me," Clarke answered.

"You punish yourself for helping us?" Echo inquried.

"I punish myself for not finding another way," Clarke countered.

"Do you understand the good that you've done in such a violent act, though, Wanheda?"

"Understand and forgiveness are two different things, Echo. Surely, even you know that. You understand what Nia does is wrong, and you still follow orders. You don't ask for forgiveness, because you don't believe that the sin is yours. And, in a manner of speaking, it isn't. It is Nia's, but you are still guilty for doing it. The difference is I knew that it was wrong and still did it to protect those that I love. I decided that the lives of forty-four people outweighed the lives over three hundred. And, that isn't something that I should be forgiven so easily for," Clarke explained.

"Then, you do yourself a disservice," Echo stated.

"Why do you keep telling me that?"

"Because while in your mind, you've only saved forty-four, it was so much more. To us, you've avenged our loved ones. You destroyed the Mountain and took away the threat. For generations, they haunted us, hunted us, bled us, reaped us, and you ended all of that. So, while you might have saved your forty-four, you actually avenged thousands, saved hundreds including myself, and protected even more. To erase that stain from the Earth...Keyron sent you for that."

"How can you say that?" Clarke questioned.

"Because it is the truth," Echo replied.

"What truth? I murdered over three hundred and you want to praise me for it. It's disgusting."

Echo shook her head and gave a small laugh.

"You are not exactly like the stories foretold."

"I'm not some joken story, Echo. I'm just a girl that is trying to survive. Same as you, same as everyone else here. I've just done some horrible things to do it," Clarke added. "Not everything that you've heard about me is the truth, too."

"You are from the stars. You body is built from the sky. Your hair like the sun and your eyes like a summer's day. You came to help the people. You stand against Heda but only in so much to protect the people. You made Heda see you and make you almost equal to her. No one else in over fifty years has made Heda see what was beyond and think about how to make our future better. You've done nothing since you've landing on the ground but to make life better. You don't make the decisions that you make lightly, Clarke of the Sky People, and I can see that. Every death weighs on you, and maybe that is your burden as the Commander of Death, or maybe that is just you. Either way, you are going to face Nia and you are going to do what you must. Of that, I have no doubt. I am just glad that I will be able to see you do it," Echo said.

"And, if I don't live up to your expectations?" Clarke asked her.

"I have no doubt that you will, Wanheda. I just think that you haven't been tested enough. I think that you are just waiting until the right time to unleash your power. Until then, I hope that Nia will let me remain near you. I am sure when you finally take in all the power of Wanheda, it will be a sight to behold."

"Never mind, I think I will sleep," Clarke replied as she laid her head against Echo's back.

"Peaceful dreams, then, Wanheda."

Clarke didn't answer. She couldn't. She didn't know why the Grounders were so fanatical, but it was down right disconcerting. First, it had been Titus and then Gaia. But, Echo was on a whole different level, or maybe is it was just adjacent. Anya hadn't acted like this, but she had a singular focus on eradicating all of the Hundred, so maybe she just didn't get to see it. She knew that Echo was special. She'd seen in through a few lives, but seeing her with her now, so soon after the Mountain, it made Clarke wonder. Had she been like this before? Was there something that she missed? What did she actually see in Clarke that no one else seemed to? And, what exactly happened fifty years ago that could tied to Clarke now?

"Quit thinking so hard," Echo stated, before switching to Trig. "Reshop, Wanheda. Your answers will come soon enough. Rest for now. You are going to need it. The path will be long and hard, but I have no doubt that you are the only one that can walk it and lead us to a new age."

"Chit?" Clarke asked as she finally started to drift off, realizing a little too late that she didn't know as much Trig as she though she did. (What?)