Chapter 24
Clarke stopped the tale for a moment. Echo was already at her side. The spy took the cup of alcohol from her hand and set it back on the table. She didn't wait for anyone to say anything. She merely reached down and plucked Clarke from the chair she was sitting in. Pulling her up into her body, Echo held her and willed her to forget that night. She knew that it was going to be hard, but she was also worried about the blonde's friends reactions.
Echo had to admit that hers wasn't the best that night. She'd been more worried about Clarke after she was sure that Ledo was dead. But, part of her blamed herself as well. She shouldn't have left her alone. She should have had a guard, loyal to her and not Ledo, watching over the blonde while she was the Royal Guard helping them to prepare for their new roles in Polis. She was trying to give them some of her knowledge of the city, but at the same, time she was trying to suss out who she could actually trust among them.
She knew that Raven, Luna, and Anya spoke Spanish now. She also knew that Octavia, Raven, and Abby had taught them all Russian, so that they could speak without anyone, save Kane, knowing what was going on. Trigedasleng en Gonasleng (English) were too well used and known for private conversations. And, even though, Echo had picked up on a lot of the "Ark Slang," she still didn't know it well enough to speak it. That is why she taught Clarke while they were fleeing and on the ice floes of the Azfel kom Azgeda Nout. But, Clarke knew this language and only used it sparingly. What Clarke didn't know was that she had also taught to Lexa after becoming one of her Royal Heda Guards to speak with her without anyone else knowing. Very few Azgona knew that language, and fewer in Azgeda learned it each generation. It was basically Azgedasleng. Echo and Lexa used it to keep each other safe.
"Clarke, you are safe."
"I know that, Echo."
"He is dead."
"Is he? Is he really in this life?"
"He is."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I killed him," Lexa answered as she stood up from her seat.
Clarke turned to look at Lexa. She could see the fire in her eyes. She knew that Lexa wasn't lying. Ledo was most definitely dead. And, if wasn't before now, she was sure that Lexa would be dispatching a contingent of guards to slay him. She didn't believe that people couldn't change between lives, but she was sure the Ledo didn't. The fact that Echo was with Lexa from the beginning this time didn't bode well for his continued existence. It was bound to come up, Clarke was sure. And, she couldn't blame Echo for sharing that much with Lexa. She could tell how close they were as soon as she saw them together.
"Why?"
"You weren't the only one that he tried to hurt," Lexa answered.
"He was brought before Heda to pay for crimes. He might not have touched you in this life, Clarke, but there were others, in this life and others. Ledo is one of the things that you can't change. He is someone that no one will miss. He crimes are many, but he picked the wrong person to attack this time,"Echo added.
"And, that was?"
"Huron and Erie's daughter," Echo told her.
Clarke reared back at their names. They were her friends. She cared for them and she... She knew that she couldn't think like that. Lexa, Echo, Luna and the rest changed things on the ground while she was still in space. She could not take the blame for something that she honestly had never had the control over. Ledo was his own person and it was his own crimes that saw him being punished.
"Was it an easy death?" Clarke questioned, not really sure that she wanted the real answer.
"Do you honestly want to know that, Skaifaya?" Echo inquired in answer.
Clarke didn't know what to say. She looked from Echo to Lexa and back again. Lexa didn't reach out for her, but Clarke could tell that she wanted to. Echo just watched her, waiting to see what Clarke needed. They weren't leaving her side. They were waiting for Clarke. She is the one telling the story. She is the one reliving the horrors that she'd experienced. She hadn't been alone in it. Echo had been there, but Echo wasn't the one that had been attacked. She was the one that was trying to protect and teach Clarke. Echo knew that they were close, but she couldn't speak for Clarke. Only Clarke could tell them what she needed, who she needed, and when she needed it.
While they were with Clarke, Raven and Octavia got up from the table, too. Raven was a little miffed that she didn't know what they were saying, but she let it go. Clarke had been through enough through her lifetimes over and over again, that Raven knew she needed break. Octavia, however, knew that Clarke needed the room, but she didn't give it to her. She was worried about her friend. She moved closer and ignored the looks on Echo and Lexa's faces.
When Clarke's blue eyes met Octavia's green, she saw the understanding. It was like Octavia could feel her pain or knew it. As far as Clarke knew, Octavia had never been touched in the way that she had, but Clarke knew that she didn't know everything about Octavia. She couldn't. They had both kept things from each other over the years and lives, spent together and apart.
"Clarke," Octavia started as she reached out for her friend.
Clarke just nodded and accepted the comfort from her. Lexa and Echo looked on. When Lexa saw Echo soften, she realized that this is what she'd meant. Clarke needed them all, for the different things, for different comforts, for different skills, but she needed them all. Echo had seen sides of Clarke that no one else had, and Octavia had seen others. They were her most constant companions. They knew the most about Clarke and how to handle her.
"Clarke, is Ledo the man that you had nightmares about the one time that we were in Azgeda fighting in the pits?"
"Yes."
Octavia's head raised in recognition. She knew then that Clarke hadn't told them the whole truth. Ledo had done more damage than she let on. He hadn't just attacked her. He brutalized her in the worst way. Echo had found her, but Clarke had managed to cover most of up beside the fact that she'd killed him. Octavia recognized the way she'd killed him, too. The small pieces of metal shoved through the ear into the brain. It was one of Octavia's moves from when she was Skairipa. It made so much more since why Clarke hated the cold and the thoughts of being in Azgeda so much.
"He better be glad he is already dead in this life, or I would go kill him myself. I would become Skairipa for you and take care of the 'problem.' I would have brought you his head, so that you could make sure that he wasn't reborn in another life," Octavia swore to her as she held Clarke close. "Do you remember what I told you on Bardo?"
"You said lots of things, O," Clarke answered.
The emotion was thick in her voice, but it didn't break. She wasn't crying, but Octavia could tell that she was still shaking from the memories. She just held her tighter as she moved her mouth closer to Clarke's ear.
"I told you that I understood you. I understood why you fought so hard, why did what you did to protect Madi. I finally understood the links that you were willing to go in order to save us at the cost of your own soul. It took me awhile, but I finally felt everything that you've been through. I had also gained nine years on you. I know that you have hundreds of lives over me, now, but that doesn't mean that anything that happened to you was your fault. I know it wasn't. You reacted as anyone in your position would have," Octavia told her.
Raven was at her side, now. Gaia and Indra had gotten up as well. Anya and Luna were together, but they were watching the strange thing that was happening around them. Clarke was swarmed by them all. Hugged from all sides, as Octavia and Raven were in the middle with her. Eventually, Anya and Luna joined in on it, too. They were both surprised to see Lexa and Echo actually showing that much emotion. But then they realized that in that healer's hut, on that night, during that storm, none of them had a title. They were just all friends and members of the Twel there to help and support their leader, Clarke. Even Murphy and Emori had stood up.
When Clarke saw them through the throng of bodies surrounding her, she pushed back a little. When enough of them realized that Emori was up off the cot, they released Clarke and let her move towards the other woman. Murphy reached out for her and pulled her close as they hugged Clarke, too. It was a balm for her soul. She took every ounce of love and care that they were giving her and soaked it up like a sponge. She needed it. She needed them...all.
Murphy pushed back from her a little and looked deeper into her eyes. His blue eyes and hers locked. There was an anger in that she'd only seen once or twice before from him. And, then it was about some child being abused by their guardian or parent. She wanted to pull him in and forget her own pain, but she knew he wasn't going to let her.
"What do you need from us?" he asked her lowly.
She cocked her head and listened to the wind. It was hollowing. She imagined that she could feel the rain beating against her skin, and she was only glad that it wasn't snow and cold. She closed her eyes and tried to remember that she wasn't in Azgeda, that she was safe, and that she was surrounded with love. She knew that the storm outside would continue thru the night. She doubted that she'd sleep, regardless.
Looking back across the expanse of the hut, she saw the worry in Octavia and Lexa's green eyes. Echo was moving around and gathering things. Clarke scrunched her face up in question, but she didn't voice it. She was afraid of her own voice. She wasn't timid. She never had been. But, there had been something about Ledo and the "incident" that always just didn't sit right with her. It was only that one life and only the one time, but he'd single her out anytime she was near enough to him. After that, Echo made sure that she did what she could for her.
Clarke backed away from him. She moved back towards Echo. Octavia and Lexa followed her, giving her room, as she moved closer to the side of the healer's hut that was where Nyko worked on his treatments. Echo was looking for something, but no one but Echo knew what it was. Murphy let her go, but he watched her, too. Emori grabbed his arm and they sat back down on her cot. Clarke eased closer to Echo, but she spy didn't stop what she was doing.
"Echo?"
"Sha, Skaifaya?"
"What are you looking for?" Clarke asked her.
"A sleeping draught for you."
"Have I asked for it?"
"No, Skaifaya, but you need it. You're reliving the past and the pain. Your mind will not stop without help. I've seen you like this before. I had to drug you then, and I will do it again. You need sleep, rest, and comfort," Echo told her.
Clarke reached out and placed her hand on Echo's shoulder. The spy smarted. Clarke knew that she was surprised by Clarke's touch. She wasn't scared of Clarke. The blonde knew that she'd never really been frightened of her. She knew that Clarke would only defend herself. Clarke wouldn't go on the offensive without a reason or unless she was ordered. So, Clarke wasn't surprised when Echo reached up and placed a hand on top of hers. Echo turned her head slightly and looked up into Clarke's face. The blonde knew that she was staring into Echo's hazel-brown eyes. They spoke so much with saying nothing at all.
"How many times have you given me something?"
"How long were we on the ice floes of the Ice Fields? How long were we in the deserts of Sangeda? How long have I been following you?"
Clarke reared back. She realized then, that Echo had been giving her a sleeping draught whenever she believed that Clarke needed it. Clarke knew that it couldn't have been very strong and its taste had to be light. She'd never detected it. She'd never had adverse effects from it. It was just something that helped her sleep without dreams. Instead of reacting with further feelings of betrayal, Clarke reached forward.
"Not tonight, Echo."
"But, Skaifaya," Echo tried to protest.
"Not tonight. The memories will not hurt me tonight. I have all of you to keep me company. Tomorrow, maybe, but not tonight. Let me have tonight to remember all the bad with all the good. I know that I cannot let the past control me, Echo, but I can't forget it either. I learn from the past and what I've done, mistakes or no. To keep that away from me, hinders me."
"No, it lets you sleep. I've taken no memories. I've taken nothing from you. I never would, Wanheda kom Skaifaya. You just need rest. We all do, but I know that this storm will not let us all rest. When we are done with the tale, I want you to sleep. Lay with Strikheda. Let her calm you if you will not take the draught. I know how she is a balm for you and your soul," Echo told her.
"Clarke, if I may?" Lexa inquired as she moved a little closer to Clarke.
"Da, you may," Clark replied.
"Every leader needs sleep. I know that you want for everything to go well, but we know that it won't. I know you know. But, I also know that people make mistakes and let paranoia set in when they do not rest enough. I understand that you might be upset with Echo for what she has done, but I know that she has done the same for me. We tend to go and go without stopping because in our world, politics doesn't stop, so we don't either. I know that you are hurting. I feel it, here," Lexa told her as she pressed her fist against her chest, over her heart. "But that doesn't mean that it good. I know that you want to finish your story, and I know that we all want to hear it, to understand it, and to help you. We are not going to leave you. We do not see you as broken. We are here to help you accomplish your goal. But, we cannot do it alone, Clarke. We need you to show us the way. That means that you need rest. You need sleep. If you need to rest with Madi, do it. If you need to rest with Echo, or Octavia, or any of us, do it. I will never fault you that. No one would ever fault you for that."
"I didn't think that anyone would," Clarke answered.
"Then, do not be upset with Echo."
"I am not."
Echo stood up. She looked down into Clarke's emotional blue eyes. Clarke could see the war in Echo's eyes. She'd seen it before when they were in the cave outside of Troi. She knew that Echo meant well and wanted her to not only survive but to succeed. This was the Echo that believed whole-heartedly in the power of Wanheda and all that Clarke wanted to do. She understood way too soon that Clarke was going to have to hard time accepting who she was and what it meant to be Wanheda. Echo was determined to protect regardless as soon as she knew that Clarke was indeed the true Wanheda.
"Do you want me to tell the next few parts of the story, Wanheda?"
"I need..."
"Whatever you need, I will find a way to get it or make sure that happens. You know that Clarke. What do you need from me...from us, right now? Whatever it is, I will get it for you. Even if I have to go out into the storm to get it," Echo told her.
"You will not!" Clarke said forcefully.
She hadn't raised her voice too loud, but everyone in that hut heard her. She felt Lexa move behind her, but the Commander was wise enough not to touch her. She knew that Lexa knew that her presence was enough. But, Clarke pulled away. She stepped into Echo's bubble and stared deeper into her eyes. She reached up with both hands and held her face, pulling her down slightly, until their foreheads were touching.
"You promised me: in this life and the next."
"I did."
"Then, why are you so eager to die for me?"
"I am not. I just want to do my job and be a guardian for you, to protect you, to guide you, and to fight you. We all do. I've just been doing it longer, so I see it as something easy. This is a mission that I understand and agree with. There is no fear in my death, because I know that my life would be given in order to save all of Man. Is that not a glorious and wonderful way to die? Knowing that your death saved others?"
"No," Clarke replied. "Death..."
"Without Death, Life has no meaning," Octavia said joining the conversation finally. "We are all here to share the burden, Clarke. Be that with our lives, our bodies, our minds, or our souls. We are all here for you to command us, so that we can help you save mankind. We know that if we die in our mission, that it won't be in vain or for political clout. It would be so that Man lives to see life past Praimfaya. It would be because the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. It would be because Wanheda has deemed that Man has the right to live."
"When did you learn Azgedasleng?" Clarke asked, not commenting on what Octavia had just said.
"I might not have spent that life with you, Clarke, but it wasn't the first time that Nia caught you and sentenced you to the Pits. I know there is no way that you have forgotten time that she took you, Raven and me and pit us against her Royal Guard recruits just for 'fun.' Echo died that time trying to defend us from Ontari and then trying to get us all out. Her death wasn't in vain. It gave me teachings that I needed in order to serve and help you better in the next life. My only regret about that was that I didn't know that Echo was like us then. If I had, I might have done things different. But, that was then, and this is now.
"I know that the story hurts you, Clarke. I can feel your pain from here. I understand it, having been sentenced to a similar life, but I had you there with me to help me carry on. Let us help you carry this burden. And, if you need, let Echo speak the tale for a while. You were both there. You both lived it. If the abuse of what Ledo did is too much for you, let Echo tell us more. Rest and relax with Lexa or Madi. No one would fault you that. Or, if need my or Echo's comfort, let us give it to you.
"I am sure that the others have more questions, but they are just too polite to ask them right now. I know that Raven is dying to know what we are saying, but even she is keeping quiet. I am sure that we all know, even Murphy, what an unkind hand and man can do to a body, both sexually and not. It doesn't mean that you have to keep telling us the story tonight. I know that you wanted to get through it and just..."
"I will let Echo tell the story for the next part," Clarke told Octavia. "You're right. She was there. She knows as well as I do what happened."
Octavia nodded and moved away enough to allow them to return to the table. Clarke looked to Lexa and reached out for her hand. It was a surprise to Lexa, but she took Clarke's hand and let herself be led back to their seats. As soon as they were seated, Octavia poured them all a cup of alcohol. She gave Clarke her glass. She gave Lexa the glass that she had been using and left the third for Echo when she finally joined them.
Echo took her seat moments later. She grabbed the cup and knew that it was hers. She finished it down and then turned to face Clarke again.
"You're sure?"
"Yes, you tell them. I don't remember much after that until we were on the islands of ice on Lake Hu. It's fine, Echo. Tell them," Clarke instructed.
Echo nodded, reached for the bottle, and poured another drink. She sipped it for a second or two and then set the cup back on the table. She looked around the table at everyone as they were seated around. This time, she met Anya's eyes and held them. She knew that out of everyone, Anya was the one that always tested her and didn't completely trust her because she Azgeda. Somewhere in her head, she hoped that this would help their relationship more.
"I cleaned up her wounds that night. I knew that she was cold, but I didn't want to risk a fire. I got her settled under as many furs as I could. I knew that I could stay up on watch. She would have nightmares. I needed to be near her. So, I finally stripped down and got in the furs with her. Pulling Clarke into my arms, I held her tight, hoping that she would feel safe and sleep through the night. I held her in such a way that I still had full view of the cave's entrance, but that we were both comfortable enough to sleep. I don't remember falling asleep, because I don't remember anything until the next morning with the sun..."
