If I had a diamond heart – I'd give you all my love, if I was unbreakable.


Chapter 15

Diamond Heart

Sitting by his desk with his notebook open up before him, he's trying his best to gather his thoughts around the scenario that occurred the moment she stepped through the door, coming home from school. Yes, he will admit that he more or less had forced her into making a promise that he already knew she didn't really seem interested in keeping, but he really didn't think she'd try and talk to him about the whole matter so soon after! Did she even try to think about keeping the promise at all, or is it just how it is whenever Sarah doesn't get the answer that she wants? Pretending to think about it and or do it for the split of a second before calling a quits? He shakes his head at the thought and returns to reading the notes he just scrabbled onto the previously empty page in his notebook, before adding some more.

'I've tried my best to see the good in my sister, but with this whole situation happening, I no longer know if I am able to. There's no logic behind the way she's acting, nothing that makes any sense at all. It's almost as if she's decided that there is no other way, and thus whenever there's a suggestion of something else, she immediately ignores it, or destroys it. I've done what I can to appreciate her, but I fear that I have failed.'

With a heavy sigh he closes the notebook, tries to control his emotions as he puts it away in the drawer. Anger, frustration, sadness… all the emotions that force your eyes to tear up, he can feel them all. His eyes tearing up despite his attempts to stop it, he eventually gives up before tossing himself onto his bed to cry them out, get them out of his system. Out of every possible end results that could've happened, he truly didn't see this coming. He doesn't want to hate or dislike his sister, but he's tried so hard to build up the sibling love between them only to fail so miserably and then being forced to see his sister become the very monster she later told him about, and having to hear her blame it all on the same type of love that he had hoped would help them from the beginning. Is this what hopelessness feels like?

He breathes heavily into his pillow that's growing more and more damp from his tears as they keep coming no matter what. The only moment he thinks about how long he's been like this is when he notices it getting darker outside. With a sniff he looks up from the pillow, still with a somewhat firm grip of it, and looks out his window at the cold pink sky. The trees and houses in the distance are painted black, a very classic and powerful contrast to it. He didn't do his homework yet though…

Forcing himself up from the pillow, his arms are keeping his upper body above the bed, but for some reason he cannot find the strength needed to get his legs to work again. Is it really possible for emotions to affect you like this physically? He remains in that position for a while, holding his torso up with his head hanging low, before he decides to give up and allows gravity to pull him back down into the comfort of the pillow, still slightly damp. There's still that one tiny little voice screaming at him from the back of his head that he needs to do his homework, but for the first time in his life, he ignores it. Closing his eyes he can feel how he's slowly drifting away, the dark cold colors of the night bringing him peace he could only dream to find anywhere else. But alas, just as he's about to truly drift away; he can hear the slight movement of the door being opened. The instinct to open his eyes kicks in, but he's far too tired to go through with it – especially when he already knows who it is.

Despite her obvious attempts to being as quiet as possible, he can still hear the daft sound of her stepping deeper into his room, closer to him. When she's somewhere beside him she stops moving for a small moment, long enough for him to start wondering what she's about to do to him, before he can feel his bunny slippers being removed from his feet, and with them his socks. Then he feels the blanket under him move downwards, down from under his bodyweight, under his legs, until it's freed. The mattress is cold against his small form, even with the clothes he's still wearing. He then hears a whooshing sound right before he feels the weight of the blanket spreading gently over his body, encapsulating him in a soft and warm shell to protect him from the cold of the night.

Believing that that's all she'll do, he is rather surprised when he can feel her sit down by his bed and carefully lean over it to get as close as she can to him without waking him up. He feels how he freeze when her fingers gently work their way into his beanie, and the first thought that comes to mind is that she's about to pull it off… but she doesn't. Her fingers move gently in a circular motion under the hat, in his hair, against his scalp. Carefully he opens his eyes a tiny bit, and he can see her head resting next to his. He closes them again as her eyes fixate on his face, scared that she might catch him being awake during this… this… whatever this is. He's not sure what her intentions with this action are, but he will say that the head massage feels rather nice.

A soft sigh escapes her after a moment and she stands up, retrieving her hand from under his beanie, leaving a cold spot on his scalp where her hand used to be. She slowly, carefully, steps out of his room, bunny slippers in hand as she places them in the small box outside the door before she closes it behind her. The moment it closes he opens his eyes completely and listens. She makes her way down the hall to her room, getting in to get to bed herself. He soon finds himself drawing a sigh of his own – what was that all about? What is the meaning of it? Tightening his hands into fists, he rolls over onto his back and presses his tightened fists against his face in frustration. What is it with her? Why is she making it so easy to hate her in one moment only to then make you question your opinion about her in the next?! He wants to scream in frustration so bad, but he knows that she will hear it and most likely come in and check on him if he does. And so, he holds his breath for a couple of seconds before letting it out and rolls back onto his stomach to allow sleep to come and claim him one more time.

"Alright, here's what we're gonna do!" Eddy speaks with the same enthusiasm as if nothing was wrong, which to him it might very well be like that. Edd tries his best to listen to the plan he has in mind in how to not only manage to avoid the Kankers, but also make some money whilst doing it; something about security guards… or detectives – he's not really following to be honest. Humming in agreement whenever he feels it's needed, he fails to notice the weird expressions from his friends.

"Really Double-D?" Eddy asks, surprised but also suspicious. "You think it's a good idea?"

"Mhmm."

"You do?"

"Mm…"

"You're excited to see the Kankers?"

"Mhm."

The silence after the last question is somewhat questionable, but he isn't sure if it's because the bus is getting closer to the school or if it's something else. A couple of seconds tick by before he becomes curious as to why they've gone quiet and so he looks up at them and find them looking right back at him with grins decorating their faces.

"What?" He asks.

"Really?" Eddy says, fighting the snicker from escaping him. "You're excited to see the Kankers?"

"Excuse me?!"

Their laughter draw the attention of the others on the bus, Mel's included. Though it really isn't that unusual to hear the Ed's laugh at one another, Nazz can't help but feel a little relieved to hear it now as things has been rather tense lately – and it didn't get better when the Kankers returned yesterday. She remembers the face Kevin made when they noticed the Ed's sitting by Mel's table and hiding from the three girls as they came and left the lunchroom. They don't know why, but it hasn't gone unnoticed by the cul-de-sac kids that Edd has been rather reserved, sometimes even cold, towards his sister for a while now, so seeing them all willingly go to her for safety just like that was enough for them to raise their eyebrows.

She carefully looks over towards Mel, trying to read the expression on her face and understand somewhat what thoughts might be roaming around in her head. All she's able to determine is that she is curious but also very concerned over something, and then the bus makes the infamous stop at the school. Getting off and walking towards the building, she casts a glance behind her, watching Mel leave the group of younger kids to head over to where the High School is, where the older students roam. Does she know about the Kankers too? She remembers Sarah and Jimmy talking about how they were questioning them about a High School girl, and they had assumed they were talking about Mel and so…

"Hey Nazz!" Kevin calls and snaps her out of her train of thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You okay? You looked kind of concerned over something." He says.

"Ah… no, not really." She says, trying to act like normal. She can tell it doesn't work, what with the expression on his face and all. "Okay fine. I guess I am a little concerned over the whole Edd and Mel situation, that's all."

Looking at her, he merely shrugs his shoulders. "I get that." He says as he turns forward again, walking up to the school to start the school day, finally. Though before it even manage to start truly, the Ed's announce that they are willing to help keep track on the Kankers for everyone – for a small fee, of course. Seeing some of the more gullible students actually offer them the said fee is enough to make him roll his eyes before heading over to his locker and get his stuff ready for the first class of the day. After that the day drags on rather slowly, but that's normal for every school day. What isn't normal however is the lack of Kankers right after they've returned from god knows where. True that they aren't exactly the greatest students that are always on time and whatnot, but in order to stay true to their name they have been very present after being out of the picture a shorter while, which means that if they're gone right after returning… oh boy… sometimes he's really happy he's not one of the Ed's, and sometimes he's happier than others.

Walking through the hallways, in between the classes during the day, he keeps an extra eye and ear out to see if he can notice them in the distance somewhere. It's always better to know where the enemy are rather than walking around not knowing if they're about to pounce or not. Nazz seems to agree as she is also being rather quiet and observant about their surroundings. He's almost becoming tempted to pay the Ed's their little fee just too sort of have them as a shield, but he knows better than that. And even if he didn't, there would be no way he would agree to have the Ed's try and protect him. He's sure that a certain Skipper wouldn't be strong enough to resist the temptation of messing with him. That's just how things are between them, you know. And lo and behold; when you speak of the devil he appears before you.

Seeing the Ed's run by them in the hallway makes him both a little angry and curious. Angry because they're not really being careful of not running into someone, curious because he has no idea what they're doing or where they're going. That's an easy fix though.

"Hey Skipper!" He calls out after the Ed's as they hurry by them.

"What did you call me, shovel chin?!" Eddy immediately responds, getting right up in Kevin's face.

Pushing him out of his face he keeps his temper in check. "Chill, I was just asking where you were going." He says.

"Uh-huh, right." Eddy sneers, crossing his arms at his nemesis. "Well as a matter of fact, we're off to do some detective stuff that you wouldn't be able to understand."

"Whatever you say, Skipper." He says, slightly enjoying the growling the other one gives him before turning around and leaving him where he is. Nazz merely shakes her head at both of them, not really impressed with their behavior.

In the meantime, on the other side of the school, Mel tries her best to keep her cool down. It's just that sometimes – sometimes – when things don't exactly go as planned, or whenever she encounters a person who is not really as cooperative as she would've liked them to be… she just tends to feel… off… there's no other way for her to explain it; she just feels emotionally off. Not in the way where she feels numb of emotions, no it's more like; if she had a knife at hand, she would definitely have stabbed herself in the guts with it. Why? Because at this point it's the only sane thing she could think of doing.

He doesn't want you. He doesn't need you. You've done it now – he refuses to speak with you. How could you fail your own brother like that? You deserve this. You deserve everything that happens to you… everything that has happened to you. I wonder how he would react if he knew…?

Holding her breath sometimes helps, but not always. Locking herself away from others to see is also something that can help her gather her thoughts more quickly. But that also does not always help. She ignores the ammoniac stench that stabs her nostrils with every breath. She's alone. She's safe. She's alive. She's here… she's here… she's… a failure. No! No, no, nonononononono! Don't start the cycle all over again! Deep breath in… deep breath out… deep breath in… deep breath out… Are you going to betray him?

Her breathing stops. The voiced thought repeats itself over and over again; are you going to betray him? Spinning… there's a spinning motion in her head, it makes her dizzy. Dizzy. Closing her eyes helps a little, only now she can feel how unstable she is. She sits down on the floor, holds her head in her hands, blocks out all the sounds around her. You're going to betray him, aren't you?

Punching the wall she's leaning against, she fights the tears of pain from the impact. She didn't even feel it after all – physical pain doesn't affect her when her mind is beating her down. It doesn't hurt… it doesn't hurt when she hurts herself. That's sad. She flinches at the comment, bites her lips hard to the point where she tastes the red iron. The warm feeling coming from her hand draws her attention and she inspects it some. Red. She needs a band aid. She sighs, disappointed from her observation, but satisfied nonetheless – she's no longer dizzy. Standing up from the dirty floor, she makes her way down to the school nurse, ignoring the bell ringing in the distance. She'll get the note from the nurse anyway, she's in no hurry.


Song: Diamond Heart – Alan Walker, Sophia Somajo

I'm gonna take a second look at the guidelines to see if I need to/ want to change the rating of this story – I most likely will, because it's going to get darker soon. Not immediately, but soon… hope you're ready for it.