"I must say, Miss Sharma, this is highly unprofessional," the department secretary said and I cringed- HARD. "I-I know, sir. I'm… I'm so sorry about the short notice…." "I've this meeting scheduled for nearly a month now. If you are truly serious about starting your doctorate here this October, you'd respect both the department's and my time." "Y-You're right, sir; of course. Uh…. I-I can come! I'll be there. I'll be at the front desk at our arranged time tomorrow. I-It's not a problem," my voice was trembling, I was so nervous. "I should hope not. Tomorrow won't take long; there's just some paperwork we have to go over. I'll see you at one o'clock then." "Y-Yes sir! Tomorrow at one, not a moment later. See you then. G-Goodbye." "Goodbye, Miss Sharma," click! Still cringing hard, the hand holding my phone lowered as my other hand ran across my eyes.
Ok….. Ok, so I'm still going to Oxford tomorrow; there's no way around it. Edwina will have to go to Bath with Anthony without me; I'll take the train from Oxford to Bath after I'm done at the department. "Uhhhhhhhh…." I "uhed" out loud to myself as I mentally processed the series of events. The next thing my phone screen showed at a Google listing of the train times. "Ok, so it'll take me two hours to get from London to Oxford; that's fine. And then Oxford to Bath….. Another two hours…. So I've got a minimum four hour train journey tomorrow….." My arm lowered again as my head slowly turned to face out that tiny window in my tiny room- the tiny room that Edwina found for us. Staring out of it, my eyes got watery without any conscious thought on my part. There I stood, motionless and tearing up alone in my room.
I loved Bath; I absolutely loved the city. But I didn't have time for this. I was starting PhD at Oxford this fall, for Christ's sake! That should be my number one priority; it was my number one priority! I'd wake up at like five in the morning to get the train down there tomorrow morning. Then I'd take another train to Bath later that afternoon… Tomorrow would be such a nightmare for me, I inwardly groaned as my hand ran over my whole face again. And I'd have to suffer through it alone. It was easier that way; I could move pretty fast on my own, and I could sleep on the train. It wasn't the journey I was so much bothered about but the stress of it all. Now I had to re-arrange so many things and juggle so many times and appointments. We could be in Vienna right now….. We could have stayed there for the summer, but nooooooooo. Edwina decided that we should come to London, she decided that we should live in Chelsea, she decided we should go to that ball earlier, and now she decided that we should go to Bath… I wanted to stay in Vienna. I wanted to spend my time biking, reading, going to museums, and preparing for Oxford. Was that too much to ask? Was it?!
And the worst part was that there was no one I felt like I could talk to about this. I was totally alone with all these feelings, all these stresses. Edwina didn't understand, I doubt Friedrich would understand…. Maybe Anthony would understand, being the eldest and a viscount, but I wasn't sure if I could tell him any of this. No, I was alone with it- utterly alone with it. It was so bizarre; I'd finally achieved my dream, this should be the happiest I've ever been. And yet the resentment against my sister was mounting by the day- something I did NOT like. I loved Edwina; she was the only family I had left. Beside Oxford, she was my everything. I didn't want to be mad at her; it was just there without my consent or wanting. Maybe I should just suck it up and deal with it. I mean, how ungrateful can I be?! I'm going to Oxford, after all. Millions would kill to go there, and to also have a sister who's marrying a billionaire. I can't forget how privilege, how fortunate I am….. My hand gripped my phone hard as my bottom lip trembled uncontrollably. My stare was glued outside that tiny, tiny window. Yes, I can do it; I'll get up early and head to Oxford tomorrow. Then I'll go to Bath on my own….. I don't need to tell anyone about this inconvenience; all of this is my problem, and mine alone. Let Edwina and Anthony live in ignorant bliss….. I can handle it; I can handle it. I can deal with it on my own… just like always.
Still trying to formulate a plan with the trains tomorrow, I laid down on my bed and continued crying until I drifted off to sleep.
