You were alone, left out in the cold
Chapter 21
Someone to stay
Staring into the mirror, she can feel someone else staring back at her, their eyes burning within her own. Edd's breathing softly in the silent room. Déjà vu; they're here again. How come she always finds herself bringing him to his bedroom whenever something bad happens to him? She couldn't tell you if she so wanted to. The other kids in the cul-de-sac left to their respective homes the moment they recognized the street they were heading towards, walking back from the darkness of the abandoned/haunted house. None other than Ed and Eddy remained by her side till she had brought Edd back home, then she had tended to their wounds before she had sent them home.
Now she's here, standing in the bedroom where her brother sleeps softly once more. He's safe, but she can't find the peace that allows her to put her guard down. The longer she stares into the mirror, staring at herself, into her own eyes, the harder it becomes for her to let go, to relax. A question forever taunting her whenever she sees herself in a mirror; who are you looking at? She knows she's schizophrenic, there's no questioning that. She's been diagnosed, she's done the research. Multiple personalities are not schizophrenia, but something else. Which one was it? DID (Double Identity Disorder)? She doesn't remember. No matter – she knows she's insane. She's been forced to control it for so long that she just doesn't know how to stop. She's afraid of what might happen if she does. Who are you looking at?
Forcing her eyes to close, she manages to regain control of her head and turns it away from the mirror. Opening them again, she finds herself staring at the small form of her brother, lying in his bed, sleeping ever so soundly. How is she supposed to protect him from herself? How is she supposed to protect him from people like her? It's a fool's errand, is it not?
A sense of hurt and frustration burn in her blood and she forces herself to move out of the room. She put the blanket over him, she tucked him in, she gently tucked the stray hairs on his face back to hide underneath his beanie – he's safe. He's safe. Holding a deep breath as she closes the door after her, she lets it out only when her heads starts to ache. She needs to keep herself in check, or else something bad will happen to him again. She needs to be able to keep him safe!
A friend who knows who she is, who knows her demons as well as she does. As much as she hates to admit it; Amanda is one of the few reasons why she's not dead yet. If only she wasn't such a burden for her to carry – if only she wasn't so determined to keep her alive! All she's ever done is hurt everyone who's entered her life… what purpose does she have to fulfill?
"Hello?" The familiar voice is so distant, almost too distant for her to hear. It takes a moment or two for Mel to register there's someone talking to her.
"Wha-what?"
"Mel? Are you there?" Amanda asks, her voice beginning to fill with worry for the other's wellbeing. Why does she care about someone like her? "Hello?"
"Amanda…"
"Yes – that's me! I'm here!" She almost sounds hysterical. "I'm right here, Mel! What's going on? Are you okay?"
"I… I don't know…" Her lips are shaking, her breathing uneven. Where is she? "I don't know."
"Okay, just… just take a deep breath, okay?" They breathe together, synchronizing themselves to each other. "There we go. Are you okay? What happened?"
"…I was scared…"
"You were scared? What were you scared of?"
"I was… Edd was… he was gone."
"He's gone?!"
"N-no… he was… I… I found him…"
"Oh, okay. That's good – you found him!"
"I-I… I…"
"Hey, listen to me, okay?" She says, forcing her to listen carefully, not be swallowed by her mind. "Where is your brother right now?"
"I-in his bed… I… I brought him home."
"So, you found your brother and you brought him home?"
"Yes, I-"
"Is he safe?"
"…yes…"
"Melanie, do you know what that means?"
"I-"
"It means you did great!" Amanda fights to keep her spirit high. She can tell this is hard for her as well… such a burden. "Think about it; your brother was lost but then you found him, and when you did you brought him home and now he's safe. You did fantastic!"
"B-but I…"
"No, Mel, don't let those thoughts wrap you in. I know how you work. I know who you are." Her tone grows steadier, more serious. How much more can someone take before they're broken completely? "I won't allow you to think like that, okay? Pay attention to what I'm telling you; you did great. You saved your brother. You are an amazing sister. No more thinking you're worthless or anything of that sort, alright?"
"…alright…" Why did I call you?
A week rolls by and slowly but surely things return back to normal once again. All of the kids around the cul-de-sac return to their old habits and routines, all the while Mel remains in the background, keeping an eye on her brother, his friends and everyone else. As the oldest of the cu-de-sac it's her duty to make sure they're all safe and sound, right?
Taking one day after the other, she can't tell if her brother is acting a little weird towards her sometimes, as if he's hiding something from her again. It makes her nervous, though nothing she can find or read off of him tells her that it's something dangerous, but rather just a small childish secret he doesn't want her to know of – yet. Childish secret or not, she's all ears for whenever he wishes to tell her about it, no matter what it might be about.
Other than that everything seems to be back to normal. Nazz and Kevin hang together like they've always done, talking with Rolf every now and then. Sarah and Jimmy are attached to the hip and the same can be said about Johnny and his dear friend Plank. She's not so sure about the three girls, however. Then again, she's not exactly known of them for long enough to tell what their normal rhythm or routine are, but that will be something she learns soon enough. Until then, she will just have to stand up straight and watch their every little move – something they seem to be doing when it comes to her, actually. It makes her smile slightly; they're watching her, seeing if there's something about her that they can use against her, to their advantage. Though, if she were to be bold enough to assume; it would seem like the blue haired one isn't so much into the idea of going after her again. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she found out that Mel and Edd are not, in fact, an item, but rather siblings. Who knows?
The week eventually reaches its end, the weekend taking over to be enjoyed for its free time. Days like these are ones Kevin truly loves and enjoys, however this day is not one he would prefer. With both his parents at home, he hides himself in his room in the basement. Hiding himself with the sounds of the TV his dad bought him, playing the games he's downloaded for free on websites that you probably shouldn't trust. It only takes him so many retries before his mind starts yelling at him, along with them, even though he knows they're not yelling at him per se. Holding his hands over his ears, he tries to block the sound out of his mind with very little success. But then, it suddenly seems as if he managed, only to then hear a knock on his door. He looks up just in time for his mother to peek inside, a false smile on her lips.
"Hey sweetie." She says; her voice tight and slightly shaky. "Say, what do you think about going over to a friend for the day? Maybe have a sleep over?"
He looks at her, noting the redness in her eyes as well as the fine line of wetness that tries to break through. "Sure." He says, beating himself inside for not being able to say something more to her, something comforting.
She smiles at him, a real smile, and slowly makes her way up to him. "Thank you sweetie." She whispers as she pulls him into a hug and gives him a kiss on the head, on his cap. "We'll make it up to you, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah." He says as he stands up from his bed, gathering the things he would need to spend the night elsewhere.
His mother smiles at him as he leaves, his father remaining in the living room where he's downing another bottle – how many has he had yet? Gritting his teeth angrily with his back turned towards him, the old man doesn't see or notice his son's hatred as the door closes behind him. At least they're not screaming at each other the moment it closes, or else he would've stormed back inside to break the old man's jaw.
Taking the steps needed to reach the end of their front lawn, he stops where he is and just stares at the different houses around the cul-de-sac. Though the idea has occurred for him to spend the night at someone else's place, he didn't actually think he would be forced into it, that it would happen like this. Who can he go to? Nazz is away over the weekend, her family going on a small trip, so there's nothing she can do to help. Johnny is Johnny, and last time he checked Plank doesn't really like him that much. Rolf would've been an option…if it wasn't for the whole farm stuff and the fact the stupidest of the Ed's have a tendency to break in and… yeah. Then there's Sarah or Jimmy, and both are just a big no. Why? Because you can't have one without the other, and everyone knows that Jimmy is the only one who can stand Sarah. That leaves Skipper (Heck no!) and Double-Dork. Is that really all he has to choose between? Well… he already knows that Skipper is going to tell him no, which means that there only is one option, actually.
Looking at the house of the Double-Dork, the one and only option he actually has. Or is it even an option? Would Double-Dork really allow someone like him, his very own bully, to live under the same roof as him, even if it was only for one night? He highly doubts it. And so, with a heavy sigh growing in his chest, he starts walking in the direction of Nazz' house, even though he knows there's no one there.
He can feel his mind falling into pieces as he keeps walking towards the empty house. What is he doing? He knows there's no one there, so why is he trying to pretend that someone's there to let him inside? Walking up towards their front door, he stares at the doorbell for a moment before he decides to ring it. It chimes, but nothing happens. No one rushes towards the door to open it, no one asks him what's wrong or if he needs help, no one invites him inside. But what did he expect? Swallowing his irritation with himself down, he rings the doorbell again, and again… and again. Letting out a sigh, he sits down on the ground, leaning his back towards the front door. For this moment he doesn't care what other people think of him, if they're wondering what he's doing or if there's something wrong. He doesn't care. Just leave him be.
He doesn't know how long he's been sitting there. His legs are starting to ache, so it has to have been for a while, at the very least. With a couple of deep breaths he lifts his head again, looking around the cul-de-sac. Observing the options he has, does he really have what it takes to just knock on their doors and ask if he's allowed inside? Maybe he will, if he grows desperate enough. When will that happen, he wonders?
Drawing his knees to his chest, he wraps his arms around himself to keep the heat longer. It's getting colder outside. He really doesn't want to sleep outside in this weather, this temperature. "You're always welcome into our house." A soft memory echoes in his mind, reminding him of a conversation he had with the redheaded girl, Mel. "In the middle of the night, in the middle of a school day, if we're eating or using the freaking toilet… you will always be welcome to come and stay for as long as you want to, if it's for a night, a week or more." Looking up once more, he looks towards the house of the Double-Dork and his sister. He ponders for a moment, thinking about what she told him when they were looking for the dork. Does she really mean that? If he walks up to that door, if he rings that doorbell… will they let him in?
A cold breeze forces him into action, he's getting too desperate to merely ponder and wonder about things. Steering his feet in the direction of the Double-Dork, he forces himself to keep going the closer he gets, a sense of worry grasping him as he thinks over the possibility that the dork might not actually allow him inside. Standing in front of their door, he swallows his worries down and takes a deep breath before he manages to convince himself to ring the doorbell.
It chimes. He waits for a moment, counting the seconds where nothing happens. They're not home either, are they? Or did they see him coming and pretend to not be home? Or – something sounds behind the door. His eyes widen as he can see the shadow of a person moving in the window to the right, and soon the door unlocks.
"Kevin?" Mel's voice is a warm welcome in itself. The way she looks at him as she notes the state he's in – he's been outside in the cold for a while, hasn't he? "Are you okay?"
He struggles to say anything and in the end he gives up, merely lowers and shakes his head in disappointment, avoiding eye contact. She ushers him inside, grabbing his arm and gently tugging him inside to the warmth.
"You're so cold!" She says, going into something he knows as a 'motherly role', something he can see his mother enter whenever she knows something's not right with him. "God's sake, what happened?" She moves back and forth, gathering a blanket to wrap him in, keep him warm. "Is there something going on at home, or are you…? What happened?" She keeps asking him, hoping to hear something good despite seeing every sign that something's wrong.
"I… I need a place to stay…" He says, managing to force himself to speak the words he never thought he would have to hear himself say. "I… can I stay here… for the night?" He's too ashamed at himself to even notice Double-D in the kitchen, peeking around the corner and hearing every word he says.
"Of course you can!" Mel says and pulls him into a hug. "For as long as you need or want to." She then stands up and turns towards Edd. "Hey bro, could you set the table for a third person? I need to fix the guest room real quick."
"O-of course." He says and turns back into the kitchen to do just that, all the while he can feel Kevin's eyes burn in the back of his neck. He turns around to look at him, a question obvious in his eyes as he can see Kevin look away from him. With a third plate on the table, he takes a few steps back towards Kevin, hoping to not be rude as he asks his question. "Kevin?" He starts, seeing how the other shrinks in on himself at the mere mention of his name. "Oh, dear…" He whispers to himself. "Are you alright?" The question draws the ginger's attention towards him, though he remains silent, and there's no aggressiveness in his facial expression, but rather shame. Shame? Shame for what?
"There we go!" Mel breaks the silence, announcing that the guest room is all done and ready to be used. "Do you want to bring your stuff up there now or after dinner?"
"Dinner?" He asks.
"Why, yes!" Double-D smiles. "We were just about to dine. Would you like to join?"
Looking back and forth between the two, the very odd sibling pair nobody knew would happen, he can't help but feel welcomed. If only he could understand why they're welcoming him in like this. Letting out a deep breath, he smiles at them. "Y-yeah. I would."
Song: Someone to stay – Vancouver Sleep Clinic
I changed the font I use, but you can't see that
