Funny how it seems like yesterday
As I recall, you were lookin' out of place
Chapter 24
Cigarette Daydreams
The moon was hanging high in the middle of the sky last time he glanced out the window, whereas now he can see the light from the sun shyly peering from behind the horizon. His inner clock is screaming at him but he's choosing to ignore it, just like he's chosen to ignore it the entirety of the night. Having gone back and forth between attempting to sleep only to have curiosity drive him mad and to just read the next page in this godforsaken book the nerd decided to start writing.
Pondering on some of the things he's read, he does feel bad for having intruded on the dork's privacy like this, but at the same time he feels like he can somewhat understand him so much more now. Looking back down at the book in his hands, he's been jumping back and forth between the pages, rereading some specific parts that burn in his mind more than others.
'As much as I want to say that today ended on a better note than I first thought it would, I still cannot rid myself of the feeling that something is wrong… that something wrong was meant to happen during the day.' … 'Eddy did try to cheer me up once, which helped a bit, though it only felt worse after' … 'ever since Mel forced them into this whole mess they've been a little… harder to handle.' … 'It's almost as if they see me as a mere infant'.
'I can only hope that things will eventually get better with time.'
'I've tried my best to see the good in my sister, but with this whole situation happening, I no longer know if I am able to.' … 'It's almost as if she's decided that there is no other way, and thus whenever there's a suggestion of something else, she immediately ignores it, or destroys it.'
'I've done what I can to appreciate her, but I fear that I have failed.'
Though he doesn't have the full picture, he's pretty sure he's able to see enough of it to, at the very least, understand somewhat what happened; bullies hurt Edd badly, Mel found out and "took care of it".
A sigh escapes him as he looks at the book. There's a feeling in his stomach, an acid burning feeling that tells him that whatever Mel did to "take care of" the bullies, the situation, it might've caused more damage than the bullies did. Or rather; it did cause more damage. 'I feel that…' his mind wanders off away from him for a short second. And then there's that other stuff. Turning a couple of pages forward, he merely stares at the words that are written down before him.
'Mel saved us from the Kankers, coming to the "rescue" as she claims. Though I was terrified at the moment we were captured, the moment I saw her I could only feel a graver fear within me.' … 'She was like a different person, someone who thought carefully before they acted. She dodged Marie's every attack instead of firing back at her'… 'I felt safe when she carried me, almost warm… no, I did feel warm…'
'I don't know what's happening to me… all I know is that I feel disgusted with myself…'
'I'm so incredibly confused, my mind hurts. A crush, the emotion you feel when you wish to be closer to someone, it… surely it must be stronger than this, right? How else does it manage to actually make people get closer to one another?'
'…what am I to do?'
Feeling his mind growing number by the second the more he reads the last pages over and over, he finally decides that it's time to stop. Closing the book and his eyes, he takes a deep breath and holds it in for a few seconds before letting it out slowly. If only he had Nazz here to talk this over with. Sure, she absolutely would have no idea what to think or do right here and now, but she would absolutely be able to think of something much quicker than him. If only… because now all he has is his own mind, and boy is that not what he needs right now.
As the sun creeps further up above the horizon, Kevin does come to the conclusion that he should at the very least return the diary to its original place, as to not draw any suspicions that something is afoot. That someone might know something he's not meant to know.
'Man… who would've thought the dork would have a crush on his sister?' He thinks to himself as he opens the door, sneaking out of the guestroom, book in hand. 'That's kind of… gross, isn't it?' Too busy thinking; talking to himself in his mind, he forgets to be careful not to make too much noise. 'Well, I mean, technically they're not related, but still!' He opens the door to the dork's room and steps inside, mind still filled with thoughts flying around, too occupied to notice the ever so subtle movements coming from the bed of a very sleepy dork. 'Then again, he did write that he felt disgusted with himself, so that obviously means he's not going to try and do something stupid… but he also seems to not be interested in doing anything about it either. Like, is he just going to be quiet about it and hope it just goes awa-'
"Kevin?"
The sudden appearance of the dork's voice snaps him out of his own mind, causing him to jump in surprise. Man – he was just about to place the diary back on the desk; legit he was just in the middle of the motion, hand hovering over the desk with the book! Turning to look at the nerd, he can see the crystal clear glare that the dork is shooting him from where he is; still partially laying in bed. He honestly don't know what's worse; the fact that the dork has yet to say anything or the way his gaze move back and forth between staring at him and at the book in his hand, eyes completely blank yet filled with so much rage.
"Uh…"
"Kevin." Edd shuts him up immediately. It's clear he's not interested in hearing an excuse, no matter how good it may be. "What are you doing... with my journal?"
Gulping in what can only be described as fear; Kevin feels his mind deciding to give up on the spot. Sure, he's seen the nerd angry before (mostly at Eddy), but he's never heard him use that tone before. Jesus, what happened to him?!
A few seconds pass by in silence as Edd watch Kevin's mind run at a thousand miles an hour, trying to think of something to say. If only they had the time needed for it. "Well?" He asks, snapping the ginger back into reality.
Kevin lets out yet another sound of stutter when he realizes another thing – the dork is not wearing his beanie! He can see his head! He can see his hair! He… can't see a reason as to why he's so prone to wear a beanie, even in the middle of summer.
"I believe I asked you a question, Kevin." Tired and angry, Edd growls the ginger boy's name out of his mouth as if it left a bad taste behind.
"Woah…"
Eyebrows knitted together in anger change into a new form; being raised in surprise. "I beg your pardon?"
Kevin doesn't answer, at least not in words. Raising his free hand to his head, he motions at his own hair currently free from the red cap prison. He can see how the dork follows his hand with his gaze and it doesn't take long before he pats his own head, confirming what the ginger is trying to tell him… though he doesn't react the way Kevin expected him to.
Grunting in frustration once he understands what the ginger is telling him, what he's focused on, he searches his bed where he tossed his icon beanie and puts it back on sloppily. Looking back at Kevin he can still see the face of surprised ginger looking back at him with big green eyes. "Is that better?" He asks, his voice spewing out his irritation. "Is that to be preferred for you to answer my question?"
Surprise turning into chock, Kevin merely stares at the other kid. "Huh?" Not the right answer. Hearing an unnaturally deep growl coming from the nerd, Kevin backs away in fear the moment Edd dashes out of bed and storms up towards him.
"Hand me that!" He snaps at the ginger as he snatches the book from his hand. With heavy and angry steps he walks towards his desk and puts his journal down on the exact same spot where Kevin stole it from. Then he turns around, only to find the ginger still standing where he left him, looking back at him with wide eyes filled with confusion and chock. Why does that make him even more angry? "I'd bid you a good morning, but for some reason I really don't want to." He says, crossing his arms as he turns to face the other. "I hope you don't mind. Then again, I can't quite remember the last time you ever bid me a good morning, so I suppose you can't really expect me to in the first place."
Kevin stares blankly at him, not saying anything for a few seconds. "Uh… g… good morning…?" He tries, receiving nothing but silence and a raised eyebrow from the other. Slowly the familiar irritation comes back to him. "Who pissed in your cereals?"
Eyebrow falling back into the frown, Edd glares at him for a few seconds, waiting. Then he sighs, frustrated at the other's continuous silence. "Are you not going to answer?"
"Answer what?" Kevin snaps back at him, acting more like himself again.
"Oh lord…" Shaking his head, muttering to himself, apparently now he's the one to make the other frustrated with his antics.
"Geez dork, I'm sorry if I'm such an annoyance to you! If you want me gone you can just say so, you know, instead of playing weird mind games on me! Ever thought of that?"
"What on earth are you talking about?" Edd sighs.
Kevin looks at him, gaze going blank with rage. "What am I talking about? What am I talking about?"
"Yes Kevin; You!" Edd finally snaps. "What are you talking about?!"
"I don't know! You tell me! What's with the weird way you've been acting lately, huh? What's with you pretending nothing's weird or awkward yesterday only to suddenly go dark mode and terrify the life out of someone? What's with this weird anger?!"
Edd just looks at him, arms still crossed. "Surely you're not this dense." He mutters to himself mostly, but Kevin still manages to hear him.
"Like that! See? What's with the weird attitude?!"
Letting out a sigh and pinching the bridge of his nose, Edd tries his best not to sound too mad at the moment. "Honestly Kevin, must I spell it out to you?" He asks and continues before the ginger has the chance to say something. "Kevin; doing what you can to make a tense situation – where you help someone you usually avoid like the plague – less tense is not the same thing as trying to defend your privacy when said person is getting a bit too close."
"Someone you avoid like the plague, huh?" Kevin mutters. "Yeah, well why did you let me stay here in the first place then?"
"I didn't. That was Mel's decision, not mine."
The conversation pipes down after that, Kevin looking another direction and Edd eventually giving up on the idea of Kevin ever answering his question of what he was doing with his journal. Though truthfully he doesn't really need the ginger to answer him, he already knows he's read it. Why else would he have had it in the first place? He's just upset that the ginger can't own up to his own actions and confess. Shaking his head, he turns around to change out of his pajamas.
"Speaking of Mel…" Kevin's voice suddenly pipes up behind him, but he doesn't turn around to look at him. "I… I read what you wrote about her." Freeze. He takes a second to blink, his mind registering the words from the other kid behind him, before he turns his head to look at the ginger over his shoulder.
There's a thick awkward silence as their eyes meet, one staring the other down while the other is not sure what to think anymore.
"Is that so?" Edd asks, keeping his voice low as to not reveal the fear spreading in his guts. What does he think of him?
"Yeah… uh…" Kevin tries to gather his thoughts. "I… obviously I don't know the full story still so… if you wanna talk we-uh… we could?" Scratching the back of his head, a nervous tick of his that everyone in the cul-de-sac know of, especially the analytical genius before him.
Still looking the other over his shoulder, Edd takes a mental note of the nervous tick he just displayed. It seemed genuine, so he must be serious enough to not want to make a joke about the matter, whatever it is that caught his interest the most when he read his journal, though he's certain he already knows.
"Very well." He says, turns his head away and proceeds to change out of his pajamas.
Behind him Kevin remains as confused as ever. "Wh-wa… you serious?"
"Definitely. Why?" Edd speaks, fixing the wrinkles on his pants before he turns around to look at the ginger, done changing. "Are you saying I shouldn't be?"
"No, no! No…" Kevin starts saying but slowly loosing what it was he was supposed to say, his tired mind reaching out as he looks at the nerd. "Let's… talk."
Looking at the ginger Edd merely nods at his words and gestures towards his bed, that Kevin may have a seat, much to the gingers delight. Hearing Kevin basically fall into his bed merely causes Edd to roll his eyes as he opens up the curtains to let the sunlight in before he walks over to his bed to have a seat. Fortunately he didn't make it yet, so the mess that Kevin just caused is basically undetectable. Or at least that's what he keeps trying to tell himself. Curse these OCD tendencies!
"Very well Kevin." He says aloud, trying to deafen the need to clean this mess up instantly. "What was it that you wished to discuss with me?" Waiting for a couple of seconds for an answer, he looks at the ginger lying in his bed. "Kevin?" Nothing but the sound of soft breathing can be heard. "Kevin!" He says louder, startling some life into the ginger.
"Hmm!? What?" Yawning loudly as he sits back up in the bed, leaning his back against the wall and arms crossed over his chest. "What is it?"
Staring blankly at him with a concerned frown on his face, Edd immediately gets into Kevin's face to study it. Eyes are red, slightly bloodshot and appearing to be darker in tone whilst the eyelids appear to be desperate to close and keep the light out. Jaw is slack as well as every other muscle in the face.
"Kevin." Edd says. "Have you slept anything at all?"
"Hmm? Oh… well, not really." He says, scratching the back of his head again. "I kind of got occupied… reading…"
Edd stares at him blankly. "You read my journal the whole night?"
"Uhm… yeah, well… not really if you think about it…"
Letting out a sigh, Edd merely shakes his head. "Why?" He asks, not because he wants to know, but because it just feels like a natural way to lead the conversation in.
"Well… okay…" Kevin sits up more properly, fighting sleep as it gnaws on his mind. "I… I thought it was homework and… and in my defense, I didn't read any of the words at the moment, I just saw the amount of words you had written and that, eh… that scared me."
Confusion paints itself across Edd's face. "It scared you?" He asks. "What do you mean?"
"It just scared me, okay?" Kevin says, growing a little defensive in tone. "I didn't know what it was, I just saw a bunch of words neatly written on a page in a book that-"
"That doesn't resemble any of the notebooks we're given in class." Edd interrupts him again, arms crossed over his chest and eyebrow slightly crooked upwards.
"Hey, you're a neat freak, okay? How was I supposed to know it wasn't homework? You take notes like your life depends on it, and you always make sure that it all looks perfect as well! What's stopping you from writing it all down in a fancier book than the ones we're given in school?"
Deciding not to answer the comments of his behavior, Edd just looks at Kevin and notes just more details that tell him how incredibly tired the ginger is. With a sigh he admits defeat as he knows there's nothing he can do while Kevin is the way he is now – a child deprived of very important sleep, and is thus unable to make sense or doing anything logically. Truly the only thing he can do at the moment is allowing the ginger to sleep whilst being grateful that it's a Sunday, meaning there's technically nothing better he can do anyway.
"Kevin." He says. "You need to sleep. Why don't you go back to the guestroom and we'll talk about this lat-" Just as he's about to finish his sentence the ginger collapses on his bed, sleep finally managing to drag him down with it. "…and there he goes…" He says quietly to himself, staring down at the ginger. For but a brief second he thinks about attempting to drag him to the guestroom, but soon decides against it. As much as his OCD is screaming at him about the germs and whatnot, he knows that Mel would definitely get herself involved if he decided to move Kevin, and having to deal with not one, but two tired and potentially dangerous gingers strikes more fear in him than having his bedroom contaminated for a short while. He can always clean it again after all.
And with that he decides to close the curtains again, hide his journal and sneak out the door, closing it quietly behind him. Mel has not woken up yet, she tends to sleep in the days during the weekends. Oh well, all is good in the end, right?
Song: Cigarette Daydreams – Cage The Elephant
Spoiler;
This is not a story about Edd and Mel getting together. This is a story of how Edd turns into rev!Edd whilst Mel ships him hard with Marie and tries to do whatever she can to push them towards each other.
