"Mom seemed to blame Grandma for the divorce, but Aunt Edwina always thought it was Granddad's fault."
I was back in my room sitting on my bed with my acceptance letter to Oxford on my lap. My fingers caressed the page as I stared down at it, letting my lips part a sliver. Funny… It doesn't bring me as much joy to hold it, to look at it as it did back in Vienna. I was still overjoyed, don't get me wrong! But….. it felt lesser now. What really made me happy when I was being one hundred precent honest with myself was the fact that I was still here in Bath…. with Anthony. It was a combination of the two things now:
Going to Oxford…. and staying here for the time being.
My head turned towards the door as it opened. Edwina stepped inside, being her usual squealy, chipper self. Hastily shutting the door behind her, she rushed over to my bed, grabbing my free hand tightly. She hadn't even noticed I was holding my Oxford letter….
"Ooooooooh, Kate! I don't know what you did, but thank you! Anthony wants you to stay for the rest of our trip now!" She exclaimed, making me roll my eyes. "So glad to hear you two deciding that FOR me." Her head shook, brushing off the tone in my voice. "Don't be like that, sis; this is a good thing! With you and Anthony becoming better friends, it'll be a lot more tolerable around here," she said this like it was nothing. It was not nothing. I looked right at her with an intense stare, retracting my hand from hers.
"More tolerable? What do you mean by that?" Suddenly realizing her mistake and wanting to avoid its consequences, she gazed down to twiddle her fingers uncomfortably. "Oh, you know….. Better, I mean." "I don't think that's what you meant." "Come on, Kate; you know what I meant. It's easier for me when you're here," more twiddling with her fingers. My eyebrows arched. "But why?" "What?" She answered with a question, finally peering back up to my face. My firm expression remained adamant. "Why is it easier when I'm here?" "Kate…." She began but I quickly cut her off. "Why did you insist that I come to Bath? In fact, why do you keep insisting that I move everywhere with you? Why can you never be on your own?" "I don't "insist" that we move for me. We moved to Amsterdam for YOUR university, Kate." "Yes, MY university; I was the one who went to UofA. So why did you have to come live in Amsterdam with me? Or Paris, or Vienna?" Just to name a few. She peered down in an awkward manner again. "I don't know…." I responded to this with a prominent frown.
"I know." "Huh?" Her head lifted up. "I know why you want us to keep living together. You've always wanted me around….. ever since Daddy died." "Stop it, Kate. Dad's got nothing to do with this," he tone tightened a little. "He's got everything to do with this. He's the reason we moved away from London in the first place. You couldn't deal with the grief, so you begged me to move to Vancouver, and I had to go with you cause I was your legal guardian back then." "And how'd you expect me to "deal" with my grief?! I was fourteen, Kate! Fourteen! I didn't know how to handle him not being there! Forgive me for clinging to the only family I had left!" She was full on yelling now, as was I. Neither of us was backing down.
"I get that you were perhaps too young to comprehend the situation back then; I don't blame you for that. But that was eight years ago, Edwina! You're twenty-two now; you're old enough to stand on your own two feet. You don't need me around just to make sure that everything's ok anymore! I'm not Mom!" "I never thought you were Mom! So I've never lived on my own- big deal! I don't "need" you around to feel secure!" "Obviously you do, otherwise you wouldn't have dragged me out from Vienna to move back to London with you!" I shouted. Edwina jumped to her feet, her arms defensively firm at her sides and her hands balled into fists.
"I wanted you to move to London because I wanted the Bridgertons to get to know you before I got married!" "Oh come on, Edwina. You and I both know that's not true," I also stood up. Her eyes flared incensed. "What do you mean "not true"? Course it's true!" "No, it's not! You want me here cause you don't feel comfortable around Anthony or his family alone! Anthony's the first guy you haven't had a sexual relationship with. Whether you're aware of it or not, you're convinced that all you bring to the table is your looks, but since you don't want to sleep with Anthony until after you're married, you don't like being alone with him. You DON'T love him, and I'm convinced that you don't even like him," I concluded.
After shooting a vicious glare at me for a moment, Edwina threw up her arms. "Fine, I don't like him- sue me! I don't like how moody he is, or how boring he is to talk to." "He's not boring," I countered, which she punished with another glare. "He is! He doesn't go out clubbing or host parties! He's the most boring man I've ever been with; at least my exs knew how to have a good time and weren't so bogged down with responsibilities!"
"Then why are you marrying him?! Why can't you find someone else?!" I screamed, feeling incredibly sorry for Anthony now. "Because he's rich, Kate! Yes, I know that makes me a gold-digger, but that's not my fault! I know that no matter who I choose, my husband will disappoint me sooner or later. All men turn out to be disappointments eventually; that's why Mom left." "That's not why Mom and Dad got divorced," I corrected her but she shook her head. "Mom left Dad; he ruined her life!" "He didn't "ruin" her life! Mom left when she was pregnant with you, and she gave you to Daddy the moment you were born. She left US, Edwina! She never called or came to visit us; she never even bothered to learn what your name was. Daddy may not have been the perfect husband, but he was there for us; he raised us! If anything, he should be living proof that there are some good men out in the world!"
"Then why do you never want to get married?! Why have you never dated anyone or fell in love before?" "Because Daddy said that marriage is hard work, and I'm so stupid enough to believe that I'd land one of the only good husbands out there. But that doesn't negate the fact that some men ARE good! And I'm beginning to think that Anthony is one of those good ones, like Daddy….." I freely admitted, to which Edwina rolled her eyes dramatically. "Get a grip, Kate. He's just like any other guy, except he's rich, which makes him perfect for me."
My finger twitched in sudden rage. "He doesn't deserve that- you're being too heartless. He deserves to marry someone who at least likes him." "He doesn't want that. He and I have discussed this before, and it's the one thing we can agree on: we DON'T want a love-match. He doesn't want any woman to grow too attached to him." "Probably because he's afraid he'll do to his wife what his father's death did to his mother," I swiftly refuted, but Edwina shook her head. "My thinking is that he's like me in that he knows that any woman will eventually disappoint him. Better we both settle and get something we want; he'll get his heirs and I'll have a comfortable life." "If you're soooooooo convinced that he'll disappoint you, would you be upset then if he cheated on you?"
My sister was quiet for a moment, letting her eyes wander. I could tell she wasn't a fan of the idea but was trying to justify it in her own mind. Eventually she shrugged. "All men cheat on their wives." "Daddy never cheated on Mom," I countered, and Edwina shot me a glare. "Dad hurt Mom in other ways! There are worse things Anthony could do than cheat on me….. A-And even if he did, it wouldn't be the end of the world. If he wants to open the relationship, then I can go have my fun too." "Edwina!" I yelled and she shrugged. "Hey, there's always divorce if things don't work out."
My head shook so, so gravely just then. That horrible, bitter feeling of disappointment swelled in the depths of my stomach again. My fingers curled inward as I tried to push the nausea down. Anthony's face kept repeatedly popping up inside my mind, and I couldn't get him out….. I didn't…. want him out. I just felt so incredibly, remarkably sorry for him.
"He's a good man, Edwina. Please….. Please don't hurt him." "Women don't hurt men, Kate. Anthony's got a lot more to care about than what I think of him." "He is a GOOD man!" I reiterated in a holler. "You only think that cause you don't know him very well. I know that deep, deep down somewhere you agree with me. You've avoided men because you know sooner or later they'll frustrate you, leaving me…. I-I mean "you" wanting for more." "I fear that Anthony may disappoint you, but it won't be in the way you think," I cryptically informed my sister, who merely shrugged her shoulder. "I don't care, so long as he still marries me. I'm not marrying Anthony, Kate; I'm marrying the Lord Viscount Bridgerton. That's who I see when I look at him, spend time with him." "That's where you and I are different. I never saw his lordship once…
Just Anthony."
