Anthony's P.O.V.-
This is fine….. We didn't do anything wrong….. I didn't do anything wrong, did I? No, this is fine; I'm sure it is. I've banged other girls before and nothing bad has ever happened. Course Kate and I didn't bang, per se…. In fact, we did even less than that, so it's not technically cheating, is it? Certainly not. Edwina danced with lots of other guys tonight; I can dance with her sister… Where's the harm in that?
I paced back in forth in my office as Kate made her hurried escape. Daphne was standing at the door, keeping watch down the opposite side of the hallway while she left. My teeth nibbled on my thumb anxiously and quite without my brain's permission. Damn it! I knew Mom wasn't happy about my quitting the ball early, but I didn't think they'd actually cut their own night short because of it. Daphne waited until Kate was out of sight before shooting me a disapproving glare. She entered, shutting and locking the door behind her. Panic started to fill me as she stood there, her arms angrily crossed in front of her. Why do I feel so guilty of a sudden? Why is she looking at me that way? We didn't do anything wrong…..
Kate and I didn't do anything wrong.
I was overcome by the need to tell my sister that. "It's not what you think!" Well that's not really an explanation but it's the best I could do under these "difficult" circumstances. Daphne's frown intensified. "I'm trying very much not to think about it at all." What's that supposed to mean? I took a step in her direction, raising my hand up a little in a show of submission. "Daphne….." I began but she was quick to cut me off.
"You are engaged to her sister, dumbass! Did you conveniently forget that little fact when you cradled Kate in here? Is that why you left early?! Because you wanted some alone time with her?!" Daphne's arms flung out at her sides in a tizzy. "Of course not! Can't I leave when I like because I'm tired or had enough of dancing?" I shot back, but she shook her head. "Not when your fiancée's still there, genius! Simon would have never abandoned me like that!" "I didn't abandon her! You all were with her and she had plenty of gentlemen to dance with- her pick of the room! I can guarantee that my presence was not missed," my forefinger pointed inward at myself.
Daphne straightened her back a little, still maintaining her harsh glare. "And what about Kate?" "What about her?" "She doesn't deserve this, Anthony! To be pushed and prodded along with no idea of your real intentions." "My real intentions have not changed. I am going to marry Edwina," I proclaimed, though feeling queasy inside as I did. Her eyes sharpened bitterly. "Why?!" "Why?! B-Because…. Because we're engaged! Come on, Daph; you know why. We've been over this before," my hand wiped across my exhausted face. Her eyebrow raised. "Oh, so it's fine if I find love, but god forbid you are happy?" "Since when did anyone in this family ever care about my happiness?!" A shout erupted from my mouth this time; my sister matched my volume. "Since always! I'm not an idiot, brother. I see the way you look at her, the way you sigh when someone says her name. It is clear you have an affection for Kate. Both of you cannot seem to stay away from one another."
My hands curled into clenched fists while I attempted to suppress my rage. "And what's wrong with that? I want Kate near, is that so bad?" "Yes, because you're marrying her sister, you stupid moron! You cannot have it both ways!" "What am I doing that's so bad here, Daphne?! Explain that to me!" I suddenly demanded, straightening my posture. Daphne glared red-hot daggers right at me.
"Look, it's obvious that you have a thing for Kate." "I do not." "Oh yes, you do! You're falling head over heels, but just refuse yourself to admit it," her forefinger pointed my way. I bawked. "No, I'm not! I refuse to let myself fall in love with anyone! And even if I did develop…. some feelings for Kate, all the more reason for me not to marry her." "What the hell kind of logic is that?!" Daphne hollered. "Very good logic! I will NOT subject Kate to the same misery, the same soul-sucking existence that Mom had after Dad died. Dad's not the only one who's anaphylaxis! I may die as young as he did, and where will that leave my wife?! You think I'd ever do that to her?!"
"Then why get married at all if you're so scared?! Why bother marrying Edwina?" "You know perfectly well that I need a son to pass on the viscount title and estate to. The good thing about Edwina is that she's marrying me for my money." "Has she said that?" Daphne's eyebrow raised and I reluctantly had to shake my head. "No….. But I know; everyone knows, Daph. It's clear ours isn't a love-match, and I'm willing to make that sacrifice….. if it means that a woman like Kate is safe from a fate like our mother's," I sighed.
Daphne scowled, crossing her arms again. "Then why keep hanging around Kate? It sounds like you've made your decision. Fine, whatever. But why do you insist on dragging Kate into this mess?" "I'm not "dragging" her anywhere. She's Edwina's sister, and my future sister," that sounded wrong to say. Her head shook disappointedly.
"I'm not an idiot, Anthony; and neither are you….. most of the time. You and I both know what I'm talking about." This nervous gulp ran down my throat as I realized I was running out of verbal options. Perhaps honestly- or at least a tailored version of it- is the best policy. My eyes shifted downward slightly. "Ok, fine; you win, sister. I do want Kate to stay close by. I've never felt so good or calm like when she's around; she has this way of relaxing me like no other. She's like sugar…. Addictive in her own way. I just want to watch her, take care of her, protect her…" Daphne said nothing as I took a moment to breathe here. Both my hands placed onto my desk and my shoulders slunk over; a pure show of defeat. I was just so tired….. More than anything I wanted Kate to come back in here.
My vision was clearest when she was beside me.
My fingers desperately clung onto the wood of the desk, my lips pursed together. "And that's why I can't marry her…. I can't…. I can't let myself fall in love with her. She's too addictive, too wonderful… I could never do anything to hurt her. She's already been through so much…. I don't think she could take another loss like her father. Edwina told me that Kate doesn't plan on getting married anyway; she doesn't want to get hurt again either….."
Daphne's eyes lowered a tad. "But she's inevitably going to get hurt again…. if you keep this up." "Keep what up?" I immediately questioned back, suddenly feeling targeted and attacked. "You're not the only one with feelings here, Anthony! Kate likes you too; even I can see that." My jaw dropped open on its own accord, completely stunned.
K-Kate likes me…..? It's going to sound bizarre but that thought had never occurred to me before. She was so perfect, and I guess I spent so much time admiring her, basking in her glory, that it never occurred to me that she might reciprocate my feelings. Kate likes me…. She may like me… Kate likes me. Though I didn't actually smile, this sweltering emotion of unbounded, profound joy began to fill up my chest. It touched every fibre of my being, it was so magical. I couldn't even dream… Kate was made to be adored; not the other way I convinced myself. But why would someone like her ever fall for me? She could have any man she wanted. What could she possibly see in me? My heart's smile widened just then. But she does see something…. In some way, without my ever realizing, I made her happy.
That felt more like a gift than anything else.
Happiness was soon overtaken by dread though. Wait…. No. No! What the hell is wrong with me?! This isn't a good thing! This is the worst possible thing imaginable! Me admiring Kate was one thing, but it couldn't go the other way around! I wanted to protect her from pain, shield her from any more harm. If she developed feelings for me and I'm marrying her sister…. My eyes squinted together- hard. No… Why, Kate? Why?! Why must you endear yourself to me even more? I don't care a lick if I suffer, but you….. I will never, EVER let you suffer like Mom did. Never.
I gave my head a punishing shake, forcing myself to come back down to reality. Daphne patiently waited for my reply, any reply. Eventually my eyes reopened and my arms were glued down at my sides firmly. My voice had never been so shaky before…..
"Y-You may be right. Kate might have…. developed some regard for me," those words were a sweet poison in my mouth. They made me so unspeakably happy, and I felt sick saying them. Daphne's shoulders finally began to relax a little. "Please, Anthony. Kate's my friend; I like her. I don't want to see her to get hurt." "And she won't. I-I'm sure her feelings will diminish once I marry her sister." "Wha-….? No, that's not the answer! If you're set on marrying Edwina, then it's best to let Kate leave," she exclaimed, causing me to give my sister a harsh glare. "And where would she go? I said I want Kate's feelings for me to go away; not for her to go away," there is no question in Kate's staying nearby. She can come to love me as a friend and brother…. while still here within my reach. I am contented with that.
Daphne rolled her eyes, much to my surprise. "What do you think she'll do after you guys are married?" "She'll live with us in manor, of course," I thought that was evident. That's when Daphne gave me a stunned glance, alarming me a bit. Her eyes were wide, as was her posture. "You don't know…?" "Don't know what?" I repeated puzzled. What's Daphne talking about? Where else would Kate go? Edwina said that she moved from Vienna to London to be with her sister. I literally took that at face value, cause why wouldn't I?
Daphne watched me a long minute before sighing deeply. Then she turned around to unlock the door, staring at it when next she spoke. Her hand remained fixed to the doorknob. "You're in for a harsh reality-check, Anthony. There's a lot you don't know, and frankly I'm surprised you don't know….. Well no, wait; no, I'm not surprised. But believe me, brother; you're in for the shock of your life." "I believe you've already revealed what it is to me, sister. Now that I'm aware of Kate's….. affection for me, I'll be more careful with our…. interactions," my hands clasped tightly behind my back. Not even bothering to look back at me from over her shoulder, Daphne sighed and shook her head so gravely. "You're so afraid of your wife grieving a future loss that may never occur….. But you blatantly don't care about your own potential loss." "I'm not going to lose anything, Daph. Everything's going according to plan. I'll marry Edwina and stay detached…. And have Kate stay with us, a-as my sister naturally," I had to qualify. Daphne radiated all different kinds of disappointment just then, alarming me again. Then she shot me one final glare. "You'd better get your head out of your ass and tear down those concrete walls around your heart before it's too late.
You have no idea what you'll lose otherwise."
