Never Have I Ever…" pt. 2.5

Chapter 7

Steve continued to follow Rt. 32 northward and Bucky seemed content to watch the scenery passing by. The route they were on went through busy townships with double lane streets and intersections controlled by traffic lights.

After they passed through New Paltz the drive was quieter; passing by open fields and wooded countryside. As Bucky realized the view outside the window was becoming more rural he turned to look at Steve. Steve saw Barnes looking at him in question; he smiled and pointed out the windshield to their ten o'clock position. Bucky's gaze followed the direction Steve was pointing and he saw a mountain range in the distance.

"Those are the Shawangunks and Catskill Mountains," Steve told him.

Bucky looked at the mountains in the distance; at times obscured by the closer trees and buildings passing by. "Where are we going?" he asked.

Steve looked at him for a moment and realized that on the one hand, he never told Bucky exactly where they were going, and on the other hand, Bucky never asked. He had simply trusted Steve to take him somewhere quiet and safe. Steve glanced at him as the weight of that trust became apparent. Bucky had taken him at his word and never questioned him on the details. "We're going to my cabin," Steve told him.

Bucky looked at him thoughtfully. "You have a cabin?" he asked.

"Yep, in the Catskills," Steve told him smiling.

At the junction with CR-44, the road they were traveling turned westward toward the Catskill Escarpment and began their climb through the rock cuts. Just about forty-five minutes after the seagull incident, just as Steve had said, he steered the car off the paved road and onto a dirt road. It appeared to be a service road or perhaps a logging road, Bucky thought.

Ahead of them, to either side of the road, the trees bore signs that read "No Trespassing", "Private Property" and "No Hunting Allowed". As they drove further along, the dirt road turned to grass but the indentations in the ground showed them where the path for vehicles wound through the trees.

As they came over a small knoll the view opened up to a large lake to their left. There were a couple of guys fishing off a small dock there and Steve honked the horn to get their attention. They turned and waved and he waved back with a smile. Bucky looked at him, waiting. Steve noticed and said, "Neighbors."

Bucky nodded and looked around but saw no homes or cabins. "Where do they live?"

"About a mile behind us," Steve told him. "My cabin is about a mile ahead."

Bucky relaxed into the seat as he realized the word neighbor didn't mean the same out here as it did in the city. A few more minutes and the car pulled up to the side of a large cabin and stopped.

Steve shifted into Park and turned off the engine. "We're here," he said with a grin. Bucky took in the sight of the cabin with its wide deck and the picnic table closer to the lake under the trees.

Steve opened his door and that signaled Bucky to get out of the car. He stood in the open door and breathed in deeply. The scents of pine needles, dirt and fresh, unpolluted air was a heady combination. He tilted his head back and looked to the canopy of the trees; it was thick and would be difficult to see the ground from the air.

Steve pulled his bag from the back seat and looked over at Barnes. He too looked upward to see what Bucky was looking at. Looking up he could barely see the bright blue sky. Steve pursed his lips together in a grim smile; realizing old habits were hard to break.

"We'll be safe here," he assured his friend and closed the car door.

Bucky looked over at him, suddenly aware he'd been reconnoitering the area without even realizing it. He gave Steve an apologetic grin and reached in to the back seat to get his bag. He slung the strap over his shoulder, closing the car door and followed Steve to the front door.

As Steve got out his keys, Bucky stood on the deck nearby looking out at the water and then to the surrounding woods. He turned back to notice that the front door was actually two glass doors side by side; French doors, he believed they were called. When he got them unlocked, Steve swung the doors open and went inside. He dropped his bag onto the floor beside the futon in the living area as he walked to the kitchen, letting Bucky take his time getting acquainted with the immediate area. He prepped the coffee maker and checked the fridge. His caretaker had stocked it as requested and a quick look into a couple of cupboards showed they were well-stocked for their stay.

As the coffee maker finished making a full pot, Steve realized Bucky hadn't come into the cabin so he made two cups and carried them out to the deck. Bucky was still standing near the railing, staring out at the pristine lake. Steve smiled and walked up to him, offering him a mug. Bucky turned to see that Steve had made coffee and he grinned apologetically for being pre-occupied.

"Thanks," he said, letting his bag slide off his shoulder, he placed it on the deck and took the offered mug. "It's beautiful here… quiet."

"Yep," Steve agreed, looking out at the lake he sipped his coffee. "That's why I thought this would be good for us." He wanted Bucky to feel comfortable and at ease so he used the word "us" instead of "you" so Bucky wouldn't feel as though he was being singled out or burdening Steve. He wasn't… and Steve now wished he'd brought them up here weeks ago. If he had, none of the incident with Tony would have happened… but then he probably still wouldn't know the extent of the abuse that Bucky was holding secret close to his chest.

He glanced at Bucky now and again as they stood on the deck looking out at the lake. At one point, Bucky turned in time to see Steve looking at him and did a double take as Steve averted his gaze.

"What?" Bucky asked.

Steve looked at him and then his eyes wandered around as he tried to figure out what was what. "What?"

"That's what I said," Bucky told him with a slight grin.

"What –," Steve repeated, taken completely off balance.

"You were looking at me," Bucky told him.

"No, I wasn't," Steve replied. The two friends stared at each other as if waiting to see who would break first then Bucky grinned at the humor of it. "What?" Steve asked again and that forced a laugh out of Barnes. That caught Steve pleasantly by surprise and he smiled to see Bucky laughing.

Bucky stood there, holding his coffee mug and looking out at the water with a thoughtful grin on his face. Steve couldn't take his eyes off his friend. It was a rare moment to actually see Bucky happy, but he seemed to be on his way there. He already seemed a little more relaxed than he'd been a few hours before and Steve hoped that this place was exactly what he needed. He was still staring at Bucky's profile when Barnes turned again.

"What?" he said with slight exasperation.

Steve blinked and shook himself visibly out of the moment. He couldn't help but blush and that made him smile. "Nothing," was all he said this time.

It was Bucky's turn to stare at his friend now. Steve had been caught twice staring at him and this time he blushed at being caught. Bucky grinned again and then turned away from Steve so he could collect himself properly without being studied. Bucky walked down the two steps and headed toward the water's edge. He placed his mug on the picnic table as he walked by.

Steve watched him from the deck and when he realized Bucky was going all the way to the water, he decided to follow him. As he passed the picnic table he placed his coffee mug next to Bucky's and continued to follow him.

Bucky stopped at the edge of the water and then sat down on the ground. Steve paused, unsure if he should intrude. He hadn't been invited to tag along and now wasn't sure he should have. Maybe Bucky wanted some time alone with his thoughts.

"Are you going to sit down?" Bucky asked without turning around.

"Do you want me to?"

Bucky turned to look at him then. "Of course I do."

Steve nodded and continued to where Barnes was seated on the grassy shore. He lowered himself to the ground on Bucky's left side leaving a space between them; close enough to feel comfortable without invading his personal space.

"Thanks for bringing me here," Bucky said quietly. Steve looked at him. He nodded, turning again to look out over the water.

"I should have listened when you asked the other night," he told him. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Bucky told him. "You're a good friend, Steve."

Steve turned to look at Bucky again, hearing the sadness in his voice. "You're my best friend, Buck. I'll do anything for you." Bucky swallowed and lowered his head. "What is it?" Steve asked. "What's wrong?"

Bucky thought about how to answer that question and he sighed heavily. "You deserve better than me," he finally said.

Steve's expression shifted drastically, from patient curiosity to shocked disbelief. "There's nobody better than you, Buck." The sincerity in Steve's voice made Bucky look over at him with his own uncertainty. "Nobody," Steve repeated with finality. He could tell that Bucky didn't believe that. Not that he thought Steve was lying but that he felt Steve wasn't allowing himself to see the whole picture. Steve slid over to him, closing the distance between them. He waited a moment to see if Bucky would shift away from him to put that space between them again. When he didn't, Steve leaned to his right and bumped Bucky's left shoulder with his own. Bucky's eyes stayed focused on the ground in front of him so Steve leaned into him again. This time he bumped him hard enough to almost knock him over and Bucky had to put his right hand on the ground to keep himself upright. The action made him smile though and that made Steve smile.

Bucky tried to cover the smile by pretending Steve's playfulness was annoying. "You're a punk," he said.

"Jerk," Steve responded with a smile of his own. It'd been at least seventy-five years since Bucky Barnes had called him a punk and Steve realized it was another piece of their past that Bucky had recovered in his memories. He put his arm around his friend and they sat that way for a few minutes.

"Can we go swimming?"

Steve smiled and patted him on the back. "Sure. I've got a pair of trunks you can borrow."

"Cool," Bucky replied.


After changing into swim trunks, Steve came out of the bathroom and tossed a towel to Bucky. Bucky caught it and slung it over his shoulder and headed out the door. He paused on the deck to wait for Steve and then followed him toward the trees. He looked out at the floating dock that sat anchored a distance from shore.

"Can we go out to the dock?" Bucky asked as he came up alongside Steve.

"Sure," Steve answered.

"Cool," Bucky replied and then smiled at Steve. Steve gave him a curious look and then Bucky smacked him on the arm and said, "Race ya' out there!" He took off running and Steve's mouth dropped open.

"Cheater!" he yelled and took off after Barnes.

He nearly caught up to him at the water's edge where they both dropped their towels on the grass before diving in. Steve was two seconds behind Barnes as he surfaced and swam as hard as he could.

Bucky made it to the raft first, but not by much. When Steve tagged the dock Bucky chuckled and hauled himself out of the water and onto the floating platform. He stood up and offered his hand to Rogers. "Need a hand, old man?" he asked with a huge smile.

"Shut up," Steve said, "You're older than me…old man." He reminded his friend as he pulled himself up onto the dock.

"And, don't you forget it," Bucky said with a big smile. He lay down; stretched out on his back, squinting his eyes at the clear blue sky above them. The sun was warm and felt great on his skin. He honestly couldn't remember being able to do things like this in… well, he couldn't remember that either. He looked over at Steve, now sitting on the edge with his feet dangling toward the water.

A memory flashed across his vision and he sucked in a breath. Steve heard him gasp softly behind him and turned his head, but didn't look at him directly. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," Bucky answered. "I just remembered…" he paused and Steve twisted around now to look at him.

"What'd you remember?" he asked.

"This," Bucky told him and sat up, "You and me… doing this… I don't know where though."

Steve smiled and nodded. "Brighton Beach," Steve told him, "near Coney Island. We went there a lot. You always did love to swim. My mom used to say that you were going to grow gills if you stayed in the water more than you did already."

Bucky listened to Steve as he told him about their childhood he couldn't quite remember and he smiled at the images his words conjured up. Sometimes Steve's stories would spark a memory, or at least Bucky hoped that's what he was seeing in his head and not just his own imagination creating the event Steve described. He told Bucky about their numerous visits to Coney Island and sometimes they'd even venture down to the Atlantic shoreline. Steve told him about his mom who was always worried about her son's safety due to all his ailments, but how she always worried less knowing he was with his brother, James. Bucky smiled at that.

After a while, Steve's stories ended and Bucky watched him closely as Steve's focus turned inward. Bucky smiled knowing he was lost in thought about their friendship and he waited. He slid over to the edge of the raft, his swim trunks leaving wet spots where his butt touched down as he scooted over to the edge and sat down beside Steve.

When his memories released him, Steve looked at Bucky and smiled. "Sorry."

"Don't be," Bucky told him, "just remember to share them with me some time." Steve nodded and looked around then Bucky stood up. He walked to the other side of the raft and looked out at something in the water further out. "What's that out there?" he asked.

Steve spun around to see what Bucky was talking about and then stood up. "Oh, that's the buoy line that indicates a sheer drop off. We're about twenty feet deep here, but out there it drops to about sixty feet."

Bucky nodded and then turned to look at Steve. He had one eye squeezed shut against the sun's glare on the water's surface and he smiled at Steve. Steve looked at him curiously, but before he had a chance to ask, Bucky smacked him on the arm and yelled, "Race ya'!" Then he dove off the dock into the water.

"Dammit," Steve grumbled and dove in after him.

This time he caught up to Bucky halfway to the buoy line and Barnes put on the speed. With that bionic arm pulling him through the water it gave him a slight advantage over Steve. When they reached the buoy line Bucky pulled up and stopped, he turned to smile at Steve just as Steve reached him.

Steve swam right up to him and put one hand on Bucky's shoulder and the other on top of his head and pushed him under the surface as he used Bucky to lift himself out of the water. Then he let go and Bucky popped back up, his long hair covering his face and he dunked back under to smooth it back and laughed as he came back up. "Rogers!"

Steve laughed and kicked off, back toward the dock again. "Race ya'!" he yelled, imitating Bucky.

"Cheater!" Bucky yelled back and then swam as fast as he could to catch up.


They spent just over an hour in the water; challenging each other and wrestling each other under the water and tumbling around weightless under the surface. They wrestled and raced each other until they both were out of breath and Steve's stomach growled loudly.

"Well, we missed lunch," Steve mentioned as they dropped down on the dock. Bucky laughed as he lay on his belly with his arms folded under his head like a pillow.

"It was worth it," Bucky told him, still smiling.

"Yeah, it was," Steve agreed as he lay back at a 45* angle to Bucky and his head came to rest close to Bucky's. "I needed this day," he told Barnes.

"Me too," Bucky replied.

"How about an early dinner?" Steve asked.

"Barbeque?" Bucky asked in return.

"You want to grill?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Bucky replied.

They swam back to shore and dried off as they walked toward the cabin. After showering and dressing, they grabbed burgers and essentials and brought them out to the picnic table. They enjoyed a meal outside and sat until both were yawning and the mosquitoes invaded, driving them back indoors.