Never Have I Ever…" pt. 2.14

Chapter 16

Summary: Steve awakens before Bucky and has a little surprise for him.


Steve woke up around 4 a.m., momentarily confused as to where he was as he blinked at the ceiling above him. He turned his head to the right to see the kitchen now shadowed by the dim illumination of the only light in the cabin that had been left on when he fell asleep on the futon.

He looked at the lamp on the bookshelf just above his head and became aware of a weight pressing against his left shoulder. He flexed his fingers and felt the body lying against him even as he turned his head to see Bucky curled into him sound asleep; his head cradled neatly between the muscles of Steve's shoulder and chest.

Steve caressed Bucky's back with a light touch. He didn't want to wake him from his peaceful slumber, but he couldn't ignore the need to touch him now that they'd taken that tentative step forward. He lay there with his best friend cuddled up to his side and couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face. His heart felt so full… finally. All they had done was kiss and hold each other, for quite a while… but it filled him with happiness – and the magnitude of that happiness was indescribable. Not only did he have Bucky back in his life, but he had Bucky in his life; the way he'd always dreamed.

His heart began to pound and his breathing sped up and became deeper as he thought about his dream finally coming true. Steve saw Bucky's head rising and falling drastically with his deep inhalations and he tried to focus on slowing his heart rate and respirations before the movement jarred Bucky awake.

"You okay?" he heard Bucky's sleepy voice mumble.

Dammit, Steve admonished himself for waking him. "Yep," he whispered, tightening his arm around him to snug Bucky up to his side and kissed the top of his head softly. "Go back to sleep."

Bucky made a sleepy attempt to say 'okay', but was under again before he actually made a sound. Steve lay awake a while longer; just enjoying the feel of Barnes snuggled up to him with his metal arm draped across Steve's abdomen. He raised his right hand to lightly stroke Bucky's hair a few times, let his thumb caress his cheek lightly and dropped another kiss to the crown of his head before closing his eyes.

He lay awake for a long time, his fingers caressing Bucky's hair or his back softly. Just enough to lend him comfort and a sense of safety in Steve's arms, but not hard enough to jar him awake. He continued his gentle ministrations until he fell asleep again.


Steve woke first again around 8 a.m. He smiled softly with the realization that Bucky was still in the exact same position he was in four hours ago. He didn't want to move from this spot – ever – but the need to answer Mother Nature's call was becoming urgent. He carefully lifted his left arm up and away from Bucky's back and pulled the afghan down to tuck it in at his back to replace the warmth from his arm. Once he'd done that he lifted the metal arm just enough to be able to slither himself out from under Bucky's arm without waking him. He placed the pillow that had been under his head there so his arm was still draped over something and wouldn't force a change of position.

Steve smiled at completing the switch successfully. He laid Bucky's arm on the pillow as gently as he could, still bent over as if being at eye level with his sleeping partner would guarantee success. He stared at Bucky's face as he carefully let go of his arm and Barnes didn't even shift or mumble. Steve was astounded at how deeply Barnes was sleeping and he smiled, wanting to believe it was his proclaimed and unfettered love for Bucky that gave his friend such respite. He watched him sleep for a few moments longer and then straightened; taking a deep breath he turned and went to the bathroom.

When he came out of the bathroom, Bucky was still asleep and Steve had to smile. He'd not known a single night until recently where Bucky not only slept through the entirety of it but without a bad dream disrupting it. Even without the dreams, he'd never seen him look so at peace while sleeping. Steve wanted to believe that it had been his close proximity to him that lent Barnes such a reprieve from his tormented dreams. He figured that perhaps they should sleep together more often and then paused that thought as he realized from this day forward he'd never again have to sleep without Bucky by his side.

He went to the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee and began making breakfast. Once the preparations were complete, Steve left the bowls on the counter and went to the stereo to put in a CD. He had to search through the stack he had to find the correct one and smiled wider when he did. As it began to play, he adjusted the volume so Bucky could wake up to the sound slowly without being jolted awake and then he pressed the search button a few times until he found a song before the one he actually wanted. It would give him enough time to allow Bucky a chance to hear the music and wake up comfortably before the desired song began to play.

Steve stepped back from the stereo with a smile and looked at Bucky over his shoulder as he turned up the volume in small increments. It still wasn't disturbingly loud, but was just enough to penetrate Bucky's sleeping brain and stir him awake. As the song began, Steve turned to face Bucky completely and waited. He began to sing along softly with the song that was playing and it was the sound of Steve's voice that drew Bucky out of his comfortable slumber.

As he began to wake the first thing he became aware of was the soft music playing and a familiar voice guiding him slowly out of his deep slumber. Behind his closed eyelids an image appeared of a boy he once knew so long ago and that image morphed into the man he knew today. Steve's face floated in his sleep vision, smiling and moving his lips to the song that was playing.

He drew in a slow deep breath as the darkness receded and his consciousness began to unfurl like a flag being hoisted up a flagpole. Inhaling through his nose, he picked up the scent that was Steve on the pillow. He pressed his face into it and smiled softly against the pillow as his metal fingers squeezed the stuffing inside the material. A soft contented moan drifted from him as he remembered he'd fallen asleep in Steve's arms. Slowly, as his arm tightened its embrace, he became aware that the man he'd fallen asleep against had somehow been replaced by a large pillow.

He opened one eye and peeked out to see Steve now standing between the futon and the stereo closet. He had a wide smile on his face and he was singing softly. Bucky grinned and propped himself up on his right elbow, tucking the pillow under his torso to watch the show.

As that song ended, Steve held up a finger to signal him to wait and turned back to the stereo. Now that Bucky was awake and he had his attention, he hit the search button forward a few more times so it would stop on the song he wanted to sing to him.

Bucky recognized the song as it began and smiled wider as he slowly sat up on the edge of the futon to give Steve his full attention. He swept a lock of hair from his face and tried to focus sleepy eyes on his friend. He yawned and thought this was the best way he'd ever been awakened.

Steve smiled at his friend now sitting on the edge of the futon still trying to wake fully. Bucky's hair was disheveled from sleep, but his face was flushed a healthy pink hue and his eyes sparkled as he looked upon Steve standing in front of him. He took note that Rogers was still in the lounging pants and tee shirt that he'd worn to bed and barefoot on the wood floor. A soft summer breeze swept through the open window and the warm air encircled him, promising a gorgeous day ahead. He had no doubt.

Steve began to regale Barnes, singing along with Steve Perry and Journey. He began softly, testing his voice as he put on a little show for his friend. Every word of this song spoke volumes to both of them and spoke of the lives they shared so long ago, before they were separated and able to find their way back to each other many decades later.

"Lying beside you, here in the dark…. feeling your heartbeat with mine…. softly you whisper, you're so sincere…. how could our love be so blind?" Steve folded his hands over his heart at the appropriate time with the words and Bucky smiled softly.

"We sailed on together… we drifted apart… and here you are, by my side…"

The words made Bucky swallow hard as he did his best to not let his emotions overtake him and he kept smiling trying to match the one on Steve's face.

"So now I come to you with open arms… nothing to hide, believe what I say…. so here I am, with open arms…. hoping you'll see what your love means to me…. open arms…"

Bucky smiled as Steve covered his heart with both hands and then threw his arms open as he sang the lyrics. His heart began to pound and he tried to keep smiling even as his eyes filled with tears.

"Living without you, living alone… this empty house seems so cold… wanting to hold you…wanting you near…. how much I wanted you home!"

As Steve's voice rose like a crescendo to put an exclamation to the last four words in the verse, Bucky began to tremble and tried not to cry, but the sincerity in the way Steve sang the words pushed him over that edge and tears escaped to roll down his cheeks.

"But now that you've come back…. turned night into daaaay… I need you to staaaaaay!" Steve knelt down in front of him and spread his arms wide holding the last note with the song. Bucky smiled, breathing out a soft laugh at Steve's dramatic display, but he was overcome with strong emotions and began to cry.

"So now I come to youuuu with open aaarrrms! Nothing to hide, believe what I say! So here I am, with open arms…Hoping you'll see what your love means to meeeee!"

And the last words – Open arms - were left to Steve Perry to sing alone as Bucky threw himself into Steve's open arms and wrapped his arms around Steve's head. Steve could feel him trembling, his entire body quaking so hard Steve folded his arms around him as if trying to hold him together. Bucky, finding himself wrapped in a comforting bear hug that took his breath away; couldn't help but sob as his emotions overwhelmed him.

Barnes clung to him so desperately it reminded Cap of the time he'd saved a man from drowning… and he thought he might have just done that again. Still kneeling on the floor, Steve tightened his embrace and just held onto him. He pushed up through Bucky's arms wrapped around his head and leaned forward into him. Barnes re-adjusted his embrace to encircle Steve's neck and pressed the side of his face to Steve's.

"I love you so much," Steve said softly as he brought up one hand to cradle the back of Bucky's head. He could hear Barnes sucking in ragged breaths as he tried to get himself under control. Steve still felt his entire body shaking in his arms and whispered softly in his ear to calm him as he rubbed his other hand gently over Bucky's back. "It's okay…. I'm so sorry. I wanted you to know how much last night meant to me… not just having you back… but having you in my arms… in my life. Having you back makes the whole world right again. You're everything to me, Buck."

Bucky raised his head and smiled at him. He was a sobbing mess and he knew it, but he shook his head. "It… was… g-great," he managed to say between hitching breaths. "I love y-you, too. I-I always have."

Steve pulled back so he could hold Bucky's head between his hands and smiled at him. "I'm so happy you came back to me."

"I n-never… would have… l-left… by choice," Bucky managed to cough out before Steve crushed his lips in a chaste but powerful kiss. Neither of them had enough control or presence of mind to even try deepening the kiss. The entire moment was already deeper than either expected it to be at the time it began.

When Steve finally pulled back to allow Bucky a breath, he kept his hands bracketing his head and asked, "Are you hungry? I'm making breakfast."

That made Bucky laugh through his tears and Steve smiled thinking James had never looked so beautiful. His steel blue eyes were full of light and love, his cheeks were flushed pink, his dark hair framed his face with wisps of it falling over his eyes and Steve simply swept them aside with a gentle, loving touch… and his smile… straight white teeth surrounded by lush, soft lips.

"Why don't you go wash up and you can help me in the kitchen," Steve suggested to him.

Bucky nodded and paused with a thought. "I don't know if I can stand up," he told Steve. "I'm shaking so bad," he said with a smile and showed Steve his trembling hands.

Steve leaned forward and hugged him again then dropped a kiss to his cheek. "Take your time. No hurry. I'll have it on the table before you're done. Okay?"

Bucky nodded and Steve pushed himself away from the futon and stood up. He kept his hands on Bucky's arms as he straightened and pulled him gently to his feet. "Go on now," he told him, dropping one more kiss to those luscious lips and was pleasantly surprised when Bucky caught his bottom lip briefly between his teeth.

As Bucky walked to the bathroom, he snagged his bag from the floor near the futon and Steve went to the kitchen to start cooking. He couldn't stop smiling as he re-played that entire moment in his head. He'd hoped the words of the song would touch Bucky and would let him know just how much it meant to Steve to have him back in his life, but he didn't expect his offering to have such a profound effect on his friend. Steve's heart was so full he felt it could explode any moment.


Bucky went into the bathroom and closed the door, dropping the bag on the floor he slammed his back against the door as he tried to recover from everything that had just happened. His mind was literally blown… and it felt completely overwhelming.

He couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Steve loved him. Well, no, that's not completely true; Steve had always loved him and he'd always loved Steve. But this was different… Steve loved him, like… Steve was in love with fucked up Bucky Barnes.

Fucked up was actually putting it mildly. How can this be happening? How could Steve possibly still be so deeply in love with him after all that's happened? His body and his mind were gnarled with battle scars that would probably never heal. He looked like a monster torn apart and put back together on a madman's operating table - like Frankenstein's monster he realized… but Steve really didn't care.

He dropped his head back to bang lightly against the door and stared at the ceiling with a big smile on his face; not really seeing it as his focus turned completely inward. He didn't care. He honestly didn't care how or why. He only cared that it was real. Steve loved him and he loved Steve and they were finally back together the way it was always meant to be.

By the time Bucky emerged; showered, shaved and dressed, Steve was placing their plates on the table. He looked over at Barnes and smiled. He'd never in his life felt this kind of happiness and when Bucky smiled back, he looked to be glowing and Steve thought his heart would burst.

They ate their breakfast in relative silence, both feeling content and offering a smile to one another as they caught each other's eye.

"Do we have plans for today?" Bucky asked as he neared the end of his meal.

Steve grinned as he chewed and then swallowed and shrugged. "I made no plans for today, so… we can do whatever you want."

Bucky thought about it for just a moment, gazing out the window next to the table. "Can we stay here? Go swimming and just… hang out."

Steve smiled at him; he really liked that idea – a lot. "That sounds perfect."

Bucky smiled and finished his coffee with one large swallow. He watched Steve put the last bite in his mouth and then stood up to take their plates to the sink.

"Let's go swimming," he suggested and Steve smiled again.

Bucky always did love to swim. Memories of Brighton Beach popped up in his head and he realized the only reason the two of them had spent so much time there every summer was because Bucky seemed to need to be there. Steve was a scrawny, skinny 90 pounds and looked nearly anorexic in nothing but bathing trunks. The only reason he'd spent so much time at the beach was just to be with him.

"What about the dishes?" Steve said over his shoulder.

"They can wait. We'll do them later," Bucky replied, nearly crawling out of his skin.

Steve laughed softly. It was like 1932 all over again. "We just ate," he reminded him. "They say you shouldn't get in the water right after eating… people cramp up and end up drowning." When Bucky's gleeful expression fell, Steve realized what he'd said. "I'm sorry, Buck… I didn't realize what I was saying."

Bucky shook it off and smiled at him again. "Okay… dishes and straighten up the bed – I mean the futon," he smiled and chewed on the inside of his bottom lip. Steve smiled back at him and then stood up.

They did the dishes together, one washing while the other dried and put away. Steve washed the table and stove and draped the dish cloth over the faucet to air dry while Bucky made up the futon and straightened the blankets and pillows. He fluffed up one of the decorator pillows and tossed it near the window to recline against in the evening.

He glanced over his shoulder to see Steve heading for his room. Bucky followed him to ask for a pair of clean swim trunks which Steve tossed to him. Steve stripped off his tee shirt and then his pants to don the shorts. Bucky had retreated to the bathroom to change and Steve sat on the edge of his bed just re-living in his head their morning so far.


Bucky needed the few extra moments in private to collect himself. He stared at his reflection in the mirror over the sink and couldn't believe his good fortune. It felt like a dream. What if it was a dream? What if he woke up to find none of it was real? His heart pounded in his chest, threatening to send him into an anxiety attack, but then a thought occurred to him – never were his dreams this wonderful and so full of love and the sense of safety that Steve could always give him. This had to be real - right?

He steadied his breathing as he rid himself of his clothes and donned the loose fitting swim trunks Steve had lent him. He turned back to regard his image in the mirror and leaned closer to it, really looking at himself as his hands gripped the sides of the sink. He studied his reflection and watched as he let his tongue slip out to moisten his lips before grabbing his toothbrush. He couldn't keep kissing Steve with dragon breath but he didn't think Rogers even cared.

Putting the toothbrush back in the holder as he spit and rinsed, he decided to pull his hair back. Natasha and Wanda had taught him how to braid it himself so he could keep it out of his face when needed. Wanda had enjoyed creating two or three braids on either side of his head and then would pull them back and secure them, leaving one braid to hang down loose behind his left ear. She said it made him look like a warrior from one of her favorite fantasy novels. He quickly put a single thin braid on each side and then pulled them, along with the loose hair, into a pony tail and secured it all with a fabric covered band that Wanda had given him.

As he worked his hair into a manageable style, his eyes were drawn to the metal monstrosity attached to his left shoulder. That was just one more thing he would have to learn to get past, because Steve already had – at least that's what he said. He took a deep breath and grabbed two large towels from the closet and opened the door.

When he emerged from the bathroom with his hair tied back in a ponytail and styled with a couple of thin braids, Steve smiled at him. He took the towel Bucky gave him with a grin as he walked past him toward the door.

"I like it," Steve said as he followed him out the door.