Never Have I Ever, pt 2.18, Ch. 20

Title: The Talk, Pt 2

Summary: While Bucky and Tim are fishing off the pier, Steve continues to speak with Jack about his feelings for Bucky and where they should or shouldn't go from here. Jack gives him some insight and food for thought that makes him feel more relaxed in moving forward with the relationship he wants with Bucky.


"There are benefits to having sex with another man," Jack told him. "If he's experienced, he'll know exactly what you're worried about and what scares you, because he was once in your place too. He isn't going to dick punch you for the fun of it if you know what I mean."

"I don't know if I'd consider what Bucky went through as "experience"," Steve replied.

Jack looked at Steve closely, carefully considering what he said before responding. "What Bucky went through is an experience of another sort. One that should never… ever… happen," he said, watching Steve closely, "but it iis/i an experience within the boundaries of this subject… and it isn't one you ever want to repeat."

"That's what scares me the most," Steve told him, finally admitting it out loud.

"Steve," Jack said, resting his hand on Steve's forearm, "if you perform every action with care, concern and tenderness… you will never do to him what Hydra did. I believe that's what Bucky meant when he told you what they did to him you could never do. He knows what kind of a man you are. He knows you could never treat him with such brutality. He knows that," Jack emphasized.

"Don't let fear hold you back, Steve. Let your love for him guide you. It's perfectly okay to be nervous, uncertain, even terrified, but you do have the advantage of knowing how a man's body works and what it usually responds to.

"It's okay to be curious and it's perfectly okay to want to explore and try different things, but always start off something new with a gentle approach. Don't be squeamish about it, try not to flinch or cringe, it's all right. Tell him it's your first time," Jack instructed.

"I think Bucky knows I haven't done this before," Steve told him.

"Well, neither has he," Jack reminded him. "His experiences should never be discounted, but they can't be regarded as beneficial - maybe for you, but not for him," he said and Steve looked at him with a confused frown. "What I mean is… he knows, from his own horrific experience, what not to do… how not to approach the situation," he explained and Steve nodded; his thoughts going back to that dark place. "Trust me, no man worth his salt wants to be remembered as a horror story… he'll want to be your hero, the stuff of legend, so should you want to be.' Jack shrugged lightly. "Men will be men, you know? – But don't expect to feel like one your first time out. A hero, not a man," Jack emphasized with a soft chuckle. Steve looked at him and knitted his brow. "Yeah, yeah," Jack said, as if reading Steve's thought, "we know you're already a hero and a legend… and you're probably his hero too, but not in the sack. Well, not yet," Jack emphasized with a grin and wiggled his eyebrows at him, making Steve chuckle.

"And speaking of sacks… since we're in that nether region from the previous subject anyway," Jack said and Steve looked at him confused. "The previous subject being "the penis", remember?" he said. Steve smiled despite himself and shook his head. "Now, since we're down there, let's consider the scrotum."

"Geez-us, Jack," Steve said, laughing lightly as color rose up on his cheeks.

"What? You didn't know there's going to be one down there?" Jack asked, still grinning and Steve rolled his eyes, shaking his head again. "Well, there's going to be one and at some point it's going to be near your hand, or in your hand… or in front of your face…" Jack explained and watched Steve's face turn a darker shade of pink; he had to smile at that.

"Now, again, you know what yours looks like and feels like, but touching or holding another man's in your hand can be a bit unnerving. They seldom look as enticing as those shiny, hairless, waxed eggs pulled up nice and tight like you see in porno movies." The thoughtful frown that clouded Steve's features told Jack that Captain America had probably never actually seen a porno movie and didn't understand that statement. "Never mind," Jack told him.

"Let's just say, they're extremely delicate, mostly considered by others to be only functional and not particularly attractive, and because of that they're often overlooked or ignored completely," Jack told him. "And, because they're fragile they require tender care, there's no need to fear though," Jack told him dramatically raising a finger in the air as if to punctuate that statement, which made Steve laugh quietly before adopting a more sincere tone, "Just remember what I said before… always start out with a soft touch and follow his lead from there."

Steve nodded thoughtfully as Jack explained what it was going to be like for him and Bucky. His mind created images for him to see and consider as Jack's words laid it all out bare for him. He wondered briefly how other men ever got through their first encounter without the detailed guidance of experienced men like Jack. His attention was finally drawn back to Jack's voice as his last thought dissipated.

"—and some of the things you have to look forward to; touching, exploring, stroking, fondling and maybe even some sucking if you're both down for that."

Steve's eyes wandered as he listened to what Jack was saying. He was watching Bucky on the pier with Tim. When Steve didn't react to his last, Jack paused and followed Steve's gaze to watch the guys out on the pier. He waited a few moments before continuing.

"You know, Steve, I know I'm doing a great job at keeping the subject matter light and amusing, but let me get a little more serious here for a moment." He stopped talking as he watched Tim out on the pier with Bucky. Bucky was sitting on the edge of the pier, his feet hanging down toward the water. Tim was standing beside him, apparently telling him a story and being very animated about it. Bucky looked up at him, having to squint against the bright sky as Tim spun in a circle waving his arms over his head. Barnes burst out laughing and Jack smiled at the antics between the two of them.

The fast friendship that had developed in just a couple of hours between Bucky and Tim amazed him. Tim's personal history of abuse gave him insight and understanding when it came to approaching others who might still be working their way through their own recovery. He knew that Bucky had a strength about him that couldn't be denied. He'd survived an unimaginable hell that no other human being had ever experienced.

He came out of that experience with deep wounds that left scars on him physically, emotionally and psychologically. He'd been torn apart physically and turned into something else that was part machine. He'd been destroyed mentally, tortured and brainwashed; turned into a thing of destruction and annihilation, all of which went against everything he knew about Bucky Barnes. From Steve's many stories, both he and Tim knew that Barnes was a natural protector who defended those weaker than himself. His strength was inhuman, yet he was an extremely fragile, vulnerable being.

Tim knew the best way to approach a survivor of such atrocities was by being gentle, but honest and straight forward. That was the key to connecting with those who'd had their ability to trust in others mangled and destroyed. Tim was adept in his ability to show sympathy, respect, and understanding without being patronizing or demeaning.

Jack shook himself from those thoughts and, taking a deep breath he turned back to Steve with a thought. "Let me get serious here for a minute," he repeated not realizing he'd already said that and Steve glanced at him. "Every guy over the age of fifteen knows what a blowjob is… and you have to admit that even a self-proclaimed straight man would shove his dick through a glory hole with little care for who's on the other side if he's horny enough, and…" Jack paused to find the right wording, "-there isn't a guy over the age of seventeen, whether straight or not, who would say he's gotten his fill when it comes to getting a blowjob. It's always on our mind and when we let ourselves imagine getting one it makes us feel good. But have you ever actually stopped to figure out why that is? That particular act of sharing ourselves with our mate, doesn't just feel good physically, but it's extremely erotic… emotionally and psychologically.

"The most erotic part of the human body isn't the genitals… it's the mouth. The hands are a close second; the manner in which they touch or caress, with gentleness or desperation… your touch says so much about how you feel at that moment, but the mouth-. You put your mouth on your partner, or your partner puts his mouth on you… that there is the tell-all." Jack told him and Steve looked at him; completely focused on every word. Jack paused to let his words sink in then he took a quick sip from his bottle and shrugged.

"We can bang any stranger in our bed just as easily as someone we care about… but we're more hesitant to put our mouth on a stranger. Why? – Because the mouth is so intimate. You can't hide your deepest feelings about what you're doing when your mouth is involved. If you love someone, they can tell that you do by how you use your mouth… the slightest sense of hesitation or even a moment of revulsion is easily conveyed if you're heart isn't into the act you're performing and the person you're performing it on… they know. The same goes for the opposite… your love, your sense of devotion, your deepest feelings for him can be easily conveyed to him through the use of your mouth, without any words at all."

Jack paused again and became thoughtful. Steve watched him for a few seconds and then turned his head to watch Bucky. Even when Jack began to talk again, he just focused on Bucky.

"I know this entire subject is new for you and I know you have questions – doubts - and it's okay to be nervous and uncertain of how to proceed. But, remember, you have a partner in this with you… talk to him. Let him know what you're feeling so you can talk it out. He can probably help you feel more comfortable by telling you what feels good and what doesn't. You do the same for him… you'll get through it."

Steve remained focused on Bucky even after Jack stopped talking; when he realized that Jack wasn't continuing, Steve's gaze shifted from Bucky to look at him. Jack was looking at him with a grin and Steve breathed out a small laugh. He tipped back his bottle and barely got a full sip out of it.

"I'm empty," he told Jack. "You ready for another?"

"Sure, thanks." Jack tipped back his bottle and drained it as Steve stood up and reached for it. He handed it over and Steve walked away, leaving Jack sitting there watching their guys out on the pier.

While he waited for Steve to return, Jack's thoughts went over everything he'd just told him; wondering if he'd forgotten anything or left out any important detail and realized he still needed to explain the gift he'd gotten for them. He looked up at the cabin in time to see Steve disappear inside. With a quick look at the dock to be sure Tim and Bucky weren't heading back yet, Jack got up and walked toward the cabin, hoping to catch him before he came back out.


After Tim finished regaling Bucky with his amusing tale he sat back down on the dock to Bucky's left and picked up his fishing pole. Bucky was still smiling as he cast his line out, letting his bait sink before reeling it in slightly to lock the bail arm and keep the line from unraveling further.

Tim took care in checking his hook and changing the brown plastic worm for a black one. Bucky watched him as he got his hook prepped and then leaned to his right slightly as Tim swung the rod up and let his hook and line fly. He straightened again and they watched where his bait landed. It dropped into the water almost in the same spot Bucky's line disappeared into the water and caused Barnes to chuckle lightly before reeling his line in a little bit to give Tim's some space to work its magic.

"Sorry about that," Tim offered, but Bucky just kept smiling. He figured with all that Barnes had to actually deal with in his unnaturally long life, having their fishing lines tangled was the least of Bucky's worries.

Tim studied Bucky's profile as he waited for a bite. He marveled at the way Barnes was able to still smile and find humor and pleasure in the smallest activities. He seemed to have an incredible amount of patience, but along with that he also had a massive amount of insecurity and that alone astounded Tim. He was finding it difficult to believe that the man sitting on the dock beside him; who laughed easily at his stories and sat quietly beside him with endless patience just waiting for a fish to bite was the same man who had run across the globe for decades; armed to the teeth, assassinating heads of state and military leaders… and any innocents who got in the way. Tim thought about how, with each assassination or the total destruction of governments around the world, the actions of this one man… had shaped the world they lived in today. That thought was almost too much for Tim to comprehend.

Bucky turned his head to see how he was doing and did a double take when he saw Tim studying him. His smile fell slightly in concern and Tim became aware of his ill-mannered action.

"Sorry," he offered and turned back to watch his line.

"You okay?" Bucky asked and Tim chuckled softly. "What?" he asked.

Tim shook his head and took a deep breath before letting it out. "You're amazing, you know that?" he told Bucky.

Bucky just watched him, blinking against the sun reflecting off the water just beyond Tim. "What'd I do?" he asked.

Tim shook his head with a smile. "With all that you've been through… with all that they did to you," he said reaching out to lay his hand on Bucky's metal shoulder, "how in the world did you keep your gentle heart?"

Bucky dropped his gaze and his focus turned inward as he thought about Tim's question. Tim watched him as he became thoughtful and then Bucky looked right back at him again and smiled. "I don't know," he replied with a shrug. "I just… I like me better than what they turned me into. I'd rather be me…" he said and then shook his head thoughtfully. "They took seventy years from me… I don't want them to take anymore."

Tim smiled at him. "I'm glad I got to meet you," he said and Bucky looked at him surprised. "I'm glad we get to be friends… I like you, Bucky Barnes."

Bucky smiled at him, fighting back the swell of emotion that arose. "I like you, too… Tim," he replied and they turned to focus on their lines as they tried to pretend they weren't getting emotional. There was a moment of silence then Bucky stretched out his left arm and gave Tim a gentle push. Tim laughed and Bucky smiled.

Tim felt a hit on his line and gasped. "Oh, I got one!"


TBC'd in "The Talk" Part 3 will show up in Chapter 21