"Over, under, bring it back to the front and then slide it off. Do you want to try?"
He watched with a smile as the kid struggled to hold the knitting needles in his hands, his fingers not accustomed to holding thin objects. His mother patiently showed the young man the craft he had been interested in since they sat down.
The kid had been a bit antsy as of late, no doubt due to the lack of weekly sparring sessions for the past month. In an effort to curb that excess energy, they had made a family outing to the park.
Considering the fact that the kid was able to sit and learn how to knit without fidgeting on the spot. He was going to assume that it had worked. Of course, that was after he, Han-jae, and Squirt ran around for a few hours. Han-jae had tapped out long before he and Squirt had, leaving the two of them alone as Kang tried to catch the kid and vice versa.
For now, though, all Kang was going to do was flop onto the blanket. He was half tempted to take a nap right then and there, the gentle warmth of the sunlight making it optimal for a nice afternoon nap.
But he didn't get that.
"Maybe the kid needs a hobby. Something to keep him busy." Kang cracked open an eye and right next to him was his father. Lifting his head, Kang looked over at his mother again, who was showing the kid how to do a stitch with the needles. Her hands overlapped with Squirt's as she guided him into the motion.
Propping himself up onto his elbows, Kang watched them, a light bubbly feeling in his chest as the Squirt finally let someone other than Kang touch him. He couldn't help but smile. The kid tolerated casual touches, the occasional pat and ruffling of his hair but when it came to prolonged touch, like hand holding and hugs, his kid only tolerated such contact from Kang.
Slowly, she guided his hands into the stitch, into wrapping the yarn over before pulling it under, over once more, and sliding it off to complete it. Not once did the kid pull away and when his mother grabbed his hands a second time to provide further assistance, he didn't show any sign of discomfort.
His father nudged him, "What's got you smiling like that?"
Shrugging his shoulders, Kang laid back down, the smile still present as he got comfortable again, "Squirt usually doesn't let people touch him like that. That's all." And he was so proud of his kid.
After almost two years, the kid was finally allowing people to get closer to him instead of keeping them at arm's length. It made Kang happy for so many reasons but most of all, he was happy that his kid was healing.
"Huh. Do you think it's because your mom's a woman?"
"Probably," Kang admitted. It was more common for men to be violent back in the middle east, especially on the battlefield, where the kid had spent most of his time. Kang didn't blame him for having a gender-based wariness, it just happened after years on the battlefield. The kid probably had plenty of experiences where it was the men who fucked him over before the women did.
Not to mention, his mom was a mother after all, the kid was probably thriving under the way she genuinely cared for him like a mother would. "And you know how mom is. She'll mother anyone who comes into the house." There were even a few times when Kang was younger where some friends had come over and his mother doted on them as if they were her own.
His father snorted. "That's true."
"Good job!" His mother's voice carried with the wind, causing Kang to pick up his head to look over at them. She was holding up the little square of yarn with a bright smile. "Nothing practice won't fix. You did great." She ruffled the kid's hair and once again, Kang found himself smiling at the bashful smile the kid was making.
"Thank you."
Kang jolted awake, screams echoed in his ears. The nightmare lingered in his head before it quickly faded away to obscurity. His heart pounded in his chest, his mouth bone dry as he stared up at the ceiling, struggling to regain his bearings after the abrupt awakening. It took more than one shaky inhale until he was able to get his breathing under control, and it took even longer for him to get the shaking to subside.
He heaved out a sigh, suddenly exhausted even though he had just woken up. Nightmares were nightmares for a reason and they never seemed to get better. The frequency of his nightmares had certainly gone down but that didn't mean the contents of his nightmares had gotten any better. It was the same thing as always; someone he knew died and he was forced to deal with the grief and the following events.
He didn't even remember what exactly his brain had cooked up, but he definitely knew that he didn't like it.
Taking another grounding breath, Kang picked up his head. He didn't wake up Squirt did he? God knows the kid doesn't get enough sleep already, he doesn't need Kang waking him up because of a nightmare.
Looking over his shoulder, Kang squinted in the darkness as he tried to get a look at the teenager, trying to determine if the kid was still snoozing away or if he had woken the teen up.
Squirt's side was empty.
Blinking in surprise, he slowly extended his arm, his arm going through nothing and landing on cold bed sheets.
He sat up and wincing at the way the bedside lamp made his eyes burn, Kang let his eyes adjust for a few seconds before he looked around his bedroom, confirming that his kid was, in fact, gone. His bedroom door was slightly ajar, different from the closed position they had gone to sleep in.
Feeling the bedsheets for a second time, they held no residual body heat, showing that his kid had to be gone for ten minutes at minimum.
A glance at the bedside clock increased his worry. Where would he go? It was almost three in the morning, far too late for anyone to be out of bed for anything but a bathroom run.
Slipping on his slippers, kang decided that there wasn't a point in wondering where the kid went when he could very easily answer that question himself. It was faster and it would ease his anxiety in the process.
It didn't take him long to have an idea where Squirt had gone. The moment he had stepped out of his bedroom into the dark house, he nearly had a heart attack when he saw the silhouette of someone standing in front of the back door, the moonlight casting a shadow across the floor.
The figure looked at him over their shoulder. "Chan." His father's voice, although whispered, was loud in the silent house. "Looking for the kid?" Kang sighed in relief. He had really thought there was a stranger in the house for a split second and again, Kang found himself willing his heart to calm down.
nhave known where Squirt was if he knew that he was missing from the room. Kang went straight to the point. "Where is he?"
The man pointed through the window, pointing into the backyard, "Out there. I don't know what he's doing, he's just sitting." That made him blink in surprise.
Squirt was outside? In the middle of the night?
"Huh." Getting closer, Kang could see what his father was talking about. As he said, Squirt was sitting outside on the porch. Oddly enough, instead of sitting on the chairs that were provided, he was sitting on the steps, his head bowed down towards the ground. "I'll bring him back inside." Without any more argument, Kang slipped past his father and went out the back door to Squirt.
Goosebumps formed on his arms when the cold air came into contact with his skin. The nightmare had done a number on him, the back of his damp t-shirt almost instantly cooling his body. Instinctively, he started rubbing his arms to warm them up. Man just what the hell was his kid doing out here? It was cold and that should have been enough to keep the cold-hating young man inside of the house.
Squirt didn't react to the door closing, nor did he react to the creaking of the floorboards as Kang stepped closer.
Even though it was still dark, the full moon provided enough light for Kang to see. Now that he was closer, he could see that the kid had his head leaning in his hand, his other hand preoccupied with picking at some stray fibers on his shirt, seemingly distracted by whatever was going through his head.
It was never a good sign for someone to be outside, thinking by themselves at three in the morning. Forget a kid that had gone through a hellish upbringing on a battlefield. Kang knew that he would be concerned if he found one of his men in a state, forget about his kid.
Was Squirt having another downward spiral? It had been a fun, but tiring day and his kid tended to spiral when he was tired.
There was no point to thinking about it. Kang had to get his kid inside. "Hey." Leaning down, he tugged on the kid's sleeve, "Let's go inside. It's cold." Most of the time he liked to give the kid a choice, but not in this case. It was way too cold for them to stay out there for much longer. Kang had only been out there for a few minutes and he could already feel his exposed skin cooling further.
Squirt didn't move. He didn't even pick up his head to look at him and if it wasn't for him pulling at the threads of his shirt, Kang would have thought that the teenager fell asleep sitting up.
"Kid?" Still, he kept pulling at his shirt, showing no reaction to Kang's words, nor the way Kang was now tapping his shoulder.
Was the kid mad at him? Last time he checked, Kang hadn't done anything to warrant being ignored like this. But even so, the kid wasn't physically turning away from him like he usually would, all he was doing was sitting.
Kneeling, Kang waved his hand in front of his kid's face. The weirdest part is that he could see that the kid was awake, he could see him blinking for god's sake, but it didn't explain the way Squirt was blatantly ignoring him.
Squirt yawned widely, wide enough that Kang heard his jaw crack before he started muttering nonsense. It was actual nonsense. Something about him needing his shoes so he can see.
Embarrassingly enough, it wasn't until that moment that Kang realized that his kid wasn't even awake at all.
Sighing to himself, Kang grabbed his shoulders before pulling the teenager onto his feet, meeting little to no resistance on the way up nor in the way Kang had to physically turn him around towards the door. The entire time, he was having a conversation to either the air or Kang as Kang led him back inside.
Yeah, he was sleepwalking.
How weird. They spent eighteen months together and this was the first time this had ever happened. Then again, it's not like the kid would know that he has the tendency to sleepwalking.
The only explanation kang could think of was the exhaustion from the long day and he was going to hope that it was a one time thing.
His father saw them walking back and opened the door, allowing them to walk inside. Kang couldn't see the raised eyebrow, but he could practically hear it in his father's voice. "Everything okay?"
"He's sleepwalking," Kang said simply, leading the boy back to their bedroom. His father hummed, his footsteps quietly following them as Kang tried to put the young man back in bed.
Well, he was going to hope that the kid would let him do that because he didn't know what to do beyond 'don't wake sleepwalkers up.'
Which was a problem considering that the kid didn't let Kang try and put him to bed. It was both funny and annoying as the kid kept on making a bunch of nonsense excuses as to why he couldn't lie down and overall made it difficult for Kang. The most he got was making the kid sit on the edge of the bed before the teen was getting back up. To make it even better, his father was standing at the doorway, watching Kang try and fail repeatedly to put his kid to bed.
Squirt shuffled around the room, something on the blank wall caught his attention and now, Kang watched as Squirt talked to the wall, responding to a conversation that only the kid heard.
Well, it was more of a muttering into the wall as one would see in horror movies. All the kid needed was a smock and he would fit the image perfectly.
Kang decided that he didn't like this sleepwalking thing.
Creepy as hell.
"Chan." He looked up. His father stood by the doorway, amused, though he gave the kid a questioning look before getting back on track. "Just leave him alone, he'll go back to sleep eventually."
Kang looked between his father and his kid, debating between tending to the teenager or listening to his father. Another glance towards his father told him that he had to pick. He didn't like it but he had no choice but to listen, especially since now, his father was motioning for him to come over.
Telling the kid to stay, Kang listened to his father as he stepped out into the hallway, though he made sure to keep the door cracked just enough so he could keep an eye on the kid. "Yeah?"
The hallway was just as dark as the rest of the house, but the light from the bedroom allowed Kang to get a look at his father's face. He gave Kang a long and scrutinizing look, clearly looking for something. "So." His voice was calm as he casually said, "I heard from Han that you want to adopt this kid if you can't find his family."
Kang sputtered.
Fucking Han-jae that damn blabber mouth. Why did he have to tell him!?
Kang scrambled for words but with the way he was trying to fight the oncoming blush, all he could do was stammer out a poor excuse of a denial in an attempt to save face.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
That made everything come to a stop.
The embarrassment he felt moments ago quickly faded away, confusion replacing it as the soldier stared up at his father. He stared back at him, his expression letting Kang know that he hadn't heard his father wrong, that he had indeed questioned if it was a good idea to adopt Squirt. "What's that supposed to mean?" Kang couldn't keep the accusing tone out of his voice even if he had tried. What type of question was that?
Why wouldn't it be a good idea?
His father shrugged his shoulders. "Exactly what I mean. This is a human being you're taking under your wing. Not some shitty little dog you can return to a shelter. You want to bring a teenager, a damaged teenager into the house because you've known him for a little bit." His father said it so matter of factly, there was not an ounce of shame in his words and Kang could tell that his father was trying to make some type of point.
Kang scowled at the statement. "Don't call him that. And of course, I'm sure." He's been thinking about it for months, long before they returned to Korea. The kid was a good kid who had a rough upbringing and Squirt deserved a second chance in life. Squirt deserved to live in a stable household where he was safe to express his emotions, and where he was safe to do anything he wanted without worry of getting hurt. Kang was more than willing to provide the stability he needed.
And he certainly did not appreciate his father calling the kid 'Damaged'. What the fuck was he if Squirt was damaged? Broken?
Just because they had a few problems with nightmares and their experiences, that didn't mean they were damaged. Yes, they had problems, and yes they had some experiences that they would never wish onto another, but that didn't mean they had to be labeled as such.
Annoyingly enough, his father didn't back down. "What else do you want me to call him? Broken? Defective?" He said with a raised eyebrow, paying no mind to the bristling Kang as he gestured to the door. "It doesn't take a genius to see that that boy has been socially and emotionally stunted all his life. He's damaged, Hamchan. There's no other way to say it. He has enough nightmares where you think it's necessary to stay with him, he's wary of everyone. You saw the way he jumped when I dropped that book earlier. Loud noises scare him-" Kang cut him off.
Most of the time, he never would have thought of cutting off his father, but he believed the situation more than called for it. "And he can work through it like I did." His father scowled at the way Kang had cut him off, but he didn't care. "That boy is far stronger than you know and if I can do it, he can do it." Kang would be the first one to admit that he was a mess after he came back from his first tour. Kang had been a nervous wreck and with the main difference that Kang rambled when he was nervous, he was almost exactly like Squirt. Strangers put him on edge, loud noises startled him and nightmares continued to plague him.
But Kang believed in his kid. His progress has been slow going, very slow going, but it was still progress nonetheless. And he knew that the kid wouldn't be able to continue to heal if he didn't have someone to help.
Kang was more than willing to step up to the plate. He was willing to step into the role the death of his parents left empty.
He had been for the past year and a half.
"Then you should know that this isn't a simple decision." His father had his chin up, looking down at Kang as he lectured him. "You should know that if you help that boy start healing, if you help that boy work through his trauma only for you to chicken out at the last second, it will destroy him." The older man emphasized his words, showing the gravity of the situation Kang was getting himself into. "Once you adopt him, there's no going back. There's no trial run, there's nothing. Once he's yours, there is no getting rid of him."
Kang knew that. He knew that even thinking of adoption was approaching the point of no return. It irked him that his father found it necessary to inform him of the complexities of the situation. It was like his own father hadn't expected him to think of such stipulations.
It took a conscious effort to get his jaw to relax. "He's already mine." There was a reason everyone on base and Han-jae liked to tease him about being a father and deny it as much as he wanted, there was no denying that Kang had already started to see the kid as his own.
"You don't know him well enough to say that." The way his father had said that so matter-of-factly damn near pissed him off.
"Know him-!" Kang nearly snapped out before he stopped himself. This conversation was upsetting him more than he'd like to admit, but snapping at his father would do nothing but cause an argument. A glance into the bedroom next to them gave him another reason to keep his voice down, as difficult as it was. "I've been taking care of him for the past 18 months. I know him better than anyone. " His father had only known Squirt personally for the past week, what the hell did he know? The man wasn't a natural chatterbox like Kang and his mother. He and the Squirt had probably had a conversation together maybe twice so far.
He had no right to claim that Kang didn't know Squirt well enough to bring him into his family.
His father shrugged his shoulders, his body language showing that he was not even the slightest bit sorry for the offense. "You had your entire squad with you to help him for all of those 18 months. How do you know he won't act differently now that it's just you two? How do you know he won't lash out? He won't hurt you or Han-jae?"
"He's a good kid. He wouldn't do that." Kang was gritting his teeth by that point.
Kang believed that you listened to your parents simply because they were your parents. Of course, there were situations where disobedience was called for but for the most part, he didn't like to challenge his parents and their authority. Especially since he was a grown adult living under their roof rent-free. They very well could have charged both him and Han-jae rent at their age but instead, all they asked for was their obedience and help around the house, both requests being quite easy since their parents were lax.
Kang was ready to throw all of his respect out the window. Thank god the kid wasn't sleeping normally because they would have woken him up with the way the conversation was going.
His father must have noticed because now, he was softening his tone. "He's an emotionally repressed kid who doesn't let his emotions take their course. What are you going to do when he stops doing that? Han-jae told me, that boy shuts down. He shuts down and he hides behind indifference to protect himself. How do you know he won't be a hothead once he stops doing that? Are you prepared to go through that? You have no idea what to do when he acts even the slightest bit out of the ordinary. What are you going to do when he loses it?" as much as he hated to admit it, as much as he hated what his father was saying.
He was right.
Kang had no idea how to deal with the kid when he was upset, he didn't even know what he would do in that hypothetical situation where the kid lost his temper. The kid did shut down as a defense mechanism and even then, Kang didn't know what to do when he did that. But Kang had no shame in admitting it. "I'll figure it out just like you and mom did when we were growing up." If his parents could become parents in their early twenties, then he certainly could become a father figure for a teenager at 29 years of age. "You're right. Walking out on him will kill him. But without me, he has no one and after everything I've done for that boy, there's no way in hell I'm going to walk out on him. I will not leave him, not after everything he's been through." Kang did not spend over a year trying to win the boy's trust and he certainly did not bring him back home just to leave him to the foster system.
His father did not look impressed. "You're sure about this?"
Kang answered without hesitation. "I'm sure."
"You're ready to parent a traumatized teenager?"
Alright, now he was starting to get exasperated. "Dad, "Kang motioned to the bedroom. "He's practically my kid already. And I want him to be. I want him to be a part of our family, even if that means he has trauma to work through." The soldier knew from the very beginning that it wasn't going to be a smooth journey to recovery but he was prepared for it. He was prepared for the mental and emotional burden of helping a traumatized kid recover.
His father stared at him for a long time, watching and waiting for any moment of hesitance or uncertainty. Kang did not give it to him. Instead, he stood his ground. "Alright then." His father finally said, letting out a sigh soon after. "Keep him away from your mothers side. And you know the rules," This time, his father leveled a look that let Kang know that there was no negotiation, "all kids in my house need to graduate with a high school degree. Get him back into school."
Shit, he forgot about that. Not that it was a hard request for a normal Korean teenager. But considering that the kid was already behind on his formal schooling, that was going to be a bit of a problem. For multiple reasons. "I'm not his guardian. I can't." Kang was going to have to become the kid's guardian first before he did that. In fact, Kang needed to be the kids' guardian before he decided anything for the boy, otherwise a government worker would have to step in on the kids behalf.
His father didn't care. "Then I suggest you hurry up and figure it out. You have until the beginning of the next school year to become his guardian and get him enrolled." The older man walked past him, indicating that the conversation was over.
"Right…" It's not like his father was wrong. Squirt did need to start school again, the sooner the better so he could have a higher chance of staying with his original age group. If Kang didn't get the kid caught up on his formal schooling soon, then he was going to have to go to school with kids one, maybe even two years younger than him.
God, he hated it when his father was right.
"And Hamchan?" His father's voice echoed throughout the hallway, prompting the man to look down the hall, where he could barely see the faint outline of his father looking at him. "Your mother has been dying for grandchildren. If you're going to go through with this, hurry up and make it official." At last, the conversation ended with his father going back into his bedroom.
He cleared his throat awkwardly.
Right.
Sighing to himself, Kang went back into the bedroom, the lamp still illuminating the area. At sometime during the conversation, Squirt had finally gotten back into bed, his back towards the lamp as he slept on his side of the bed. Like always, a pillow was hugged to his chest, the young man curled up on his side with the blanket bundled on his waist. Climbing into the bed, Kang pulled the blanket up to his shoulder, the kids breathing slow and steady as he did so.
Gently, Kang brushed his bangs away. The kid must have been in a deep sleep because he didn't stir as Kang checked him over. The head injuries the kid had over the years had left a few scars on his hairline and after that one concussion back on base, Kang had formed something of a habit to occasionally check on the impact site. It was dumb, he knew that it was dumb especially since it's been months since that concussion, but sometimes habits die hard.
Kang knew the squirt well enough. Kang knew his kid well and even if there was still more to discover about the young man, he already knew enough to know that he wanted to adopt Squirt. He had made a promise to himself that he would adopt the kid if he hadn't found his family within six months of returning to Korea.
He still looked in the database almost every day to try and find Squirt's family, but after almost two years of searching and waiting, his hope was running low. At this rate, Kang fully believed that he was going to end up dropping the search in favor of officially bringing the kid into the family.
Though his father had brought up something of a good point in which he didn't know how Squirt would react to certain situations. Besides the obvious, he didn't know if the kid had any triggers. But that is just the result of trying to take care of a very private kid for less than two years, which was hardly long enough to call Kang a proper parent. It didn't help that in that time span, it wasn't until recently when the kid started to let Kang in.
But he had faith in the kid. If the kid was strong enough to survive in that hellhole for almost a decade, as well as find enough strength to defect from the company that had been controlling him for all that time, he knew that the kid had the strength to survive whatever life threw his way. And if he didn't, Kang was planning to help pick him up when he fell.
Smoothing his hair over, Kang turned off the lamp before settling back into bed.
"Goodnight kid."
