"And remember, to and fro." Said a 14 year old Bifariam cheerfully as he patted the back of a giant plant monster (like the one Stolas has as a pet except this can walk, hold things and has eyes) holding a broom and sweeping the floor before a bit of dust hit his face. "*cough cough* good. Sweep that floor. Now, onto the kitchen crew."

Bifariam snapped his finger and teleported to his kitched in a golden beam of light.

And in the kitched were more plant monsters, this time doing the kitchen chores like washing the dishes.

"Finally! After 3 years of selective breeding and some genetic engineering, i have plant servants to do my chores!" Said Bifariam in ecstacy as he threw his hands into the air. "Soon, no more will i have to manually pollinate stupid plants!"

Bifariam was so happy he nearly cried tears of joy. Sadly, interrupting this joy was a phone call from another room.

With a groan, Biff teleported to the phone and picked up. It was an unpleasant surprise to hear a familiar voice on the phone.

"Hellooo, Duke." It was Andrealphus.

"Oh, it's you." Said Bifariam with a frown. "To what do i owe the displeasure?"

"Oh, i just needed to brag about my date at Ozzie's tonight." Said Andy cheerfully. "Especially to someone who's as single as you."

"Better single than a disappointment." Said Bifariam tiredly as a plant monster offered him a cup of tea. Biff took the cup and sat down. "Huh? Actually tastes pretty good for once."

"What was that?" Asked Andy in confusion.

"Oh, it's just that one of my SERVANTS brought me a delicious hot cup of tea." Said Biff in a triumphant tone.

"Hoh hoh hoh hoo! You? Servants? Stop joking around."

Bifariam took a loud sip of tea and didn't speak, causing Andrealphus to seriously consider the possibility.

"Wait, you're not joking? How much money did you offer? You must be on the brink of bankrupt-"

"Actually, they work for free." Said Bifariam nonchalantly, causing Andy to choke on air as a plant monster entered the room with a plate of burnt cookies. "Holy- you made cookies?"

"WHAT?!" Exclaimed Andy in shock.

"I know, right? How did they learn to make cooki-" said Bifariam in shock as he took a bite. "Doesn't taste very good, probably because it's burnt, but it's edible...and not poisonous."

"No! How do they work for free?! What do they eat?!"

"Dirt." Shrugged Biff.

Andrealphus was so shocked he was unable to speak before a few seconds later he was able to recover.

"Hello?" Said Bifariam completely oblivious to why Andy was so shocked.

"That's slavery and abuse! You're enslaving imps and abusing them!" Yelled the Marquis in shock.

Suddenly, the realization hit Bifariam and a giant grin made its way onto his face upon recognizing the potential of this misunderstanding.

"And if i am, what are you going to do about it?"

"You think your title and angelic powers will carry you everywhere?" Asked Andrealphus angrily.

"I mean, i can fly...so yeah." Replied Bifariam with a smile.

Suddenly, Andrealphus broke into maniacal laughter. So much so that Biff was starting to feel bad for the guy.

"We'll see for how long this'll be the case." He said with a grin before hanging up in Biff's face.

Bifariam smiled devilishly. "I'm gonna have a lot of fun with this. But first, how did you make the cookies?" He asked his plant servant.

The plant monster held up a book titled "cooking for dummies."

"I bought that book for myself...wait, you can read?" Asked Biff in surprise and the plant monster nodded. "You're now head butler."

Bifariam smiled as he took another bite of the cookie before immediately spitting it on the floor.

"Ugh, it tastes so bad."

It was time to ruin Andrealphus's week.

xxXxx

The next day.

Bifariam was sitting alone in his office with his new head butler discussing cookie recipes before they heard the door bell ring.

Without hesitation, Biff teleported to the door and opened it wide to see an imp in a suit holding a notepad and a pen.

"I've been called here for a HOSHA violation." Said the imp calmly.

"Is that, like, hell OSHA?" Asked Bifariam raising a brow.

"Yes, it's a lazy name and we have much lower standards. Standards we've been told you violated by..." said the imp checking his notes. "Andrealphus Goetia. Is thus true?"

"Nope." Said Bifariam calmly.

"Let me reiterate. We've got a report that says that you own imp slaves and you feed them dirt. Is this true?"

"Let me show you something."

xxXxx

"So, for three years, you've bred these plant things to become the perfect servants using a magical grimoire?" Asked the imp in surprise as he stared at the scene of Ariam's kitchen being cleaned by giant plant monsters.

"And magic and selective breeding and genetic engineering." Added Bifariam calmly.

The imp fell silent for a few seconds before shrugging. "Eh, our policies don't extend to plants. Have a great day, sir."

"Wait!" Said Bifariam quickly. "Can you not include the plants in your reports?"

Before the imp could even ask why, Bifariam waved a stack of money right under his nose.

"Bribery is heavily prohibited in my line of work." Said the imp in a serious tone.

"Bribe? No no no. A bribe would be giving you money to do something that goes against the policy of your job. Like, overlooking a violation." Said Bifariam cheerfully as he put a hand over the imp's shoulder. "There are no violations here. I'm merely asking you to not talk about WHAT my servants are."

The imp contemplated the offer for a few seconds before agreeing.

"Excellent! Now, if you would excuse me, I have people to call and some buying to do." Said Bifariam cheerfully as he summoned a landline phone to his hands.

It was time to take this prank to a whole new level.

xxXxx

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE ARE NO VIOLATIONS?!" Exclaimed Andrealphus in pure rage as he spoke on the phone.

"There's nothing we can do. He's clean." Replied the HOSHA operator over the phone.

"He LITERALLY told me he feeds them dirt and they work for free!" Exclaimed Andrealphus angrily.

"Our report shows no sign of violations. Unless you have clear evidence, he can't be punished."

"Argh!" Screamed Andrealphus before hanging up with a slam. "That dirty little owl-"

Andrealphus growled angrily as he tried to think of a way to catch that stain on the Goetia family red handed.

"Evidence, eyh? I'll get you evidence."

It was time to film some crime.

xxXxx

"Hoh hoh hoh, front row seats to Bifariam's garden." Said Andrealphus as he set up a camera.

After buying a high quality video camera, Andrealphus looked around for a good building for spying on his enemy's house. He eventually found a nice building that overlooks Biff's garden.

All that he needed to do now was wait for Bifariam to make a mistake and then he'd fall down from what little grace he had.

Just the thought was enough to make him giddy.

He excitedly turned to the garden and watched through the camera...for a few hours.

Eventually, it got late and Andrealphus was getting tired. As he was about to leave, however, he found the jackpot.

Three imps wearing tattered clothes entered the garden in an odd, shakey way. Andrealphus chalked it up to malnutrition and continued recording.

He saw the imps kneeling onto the ground and chewing the dirt with no hesitation at all.

Andrealphus began crackling maniacally and loudly.

He would be finally be rid of that stain called Bifariam.

xxXxx

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S CLEAN?! I GAVE YOU A VIDEO OF HIS IMPS EATING DIRT!!!"

"I don't know, sir; I'm just an operator. All i know is the investigation came up clean." Replied the HOSHA operator.

"I gave you evidence! How can you be so useless?!" Exclaimed Andrealphus angrily. "Were you people bribed by him?!"

"I assure you sir, we have a VERY strict anti bribe policy. There's no way we were bribed."

Andrealphus was about to explode from rage. He slammed the call and teleported to Bifariam's palace.

"If HOSHA won't bring you down, I WILL!" Screamed Andrealphus angrily before he started blasting the palace.

Although the palace was well built, its walls fell beneath the full power of a Goetia even if it's a teenage one.

Andrealphus destroyed more and more of the mansion with maniacal laughter until he came face to face with the owl demon himself sitting on a large odd feathery chair that had drapes over its top. If you looked at the drapes, you could see a majestic top that looked like a crown.

"Now, how will you hide your crimes?"

"Crimes? What do you mean?" Asked Ariam raising a brow.

"Your imp slaves, you can't hide them anymore."

"Imps? I don't have any imps."

"Then who's doing-" said Andrealphus before noticing two plant monsters in the room, one sweeping the floor and another holding a tray of baked goods. "Huh?"

"Oh, these are my new servants. They are plants that don't need money and eat dirt. I bred them myself."

"...what?"

"Now, can you explain why you broke into my palace and destroyed the place?" Asked Bifariam with a deep frown as he crossed his arms.

"B-but i saw-"

"You're going to have to pay for all damages you've caused!"

Andrealphus replied with a blast to Bifariam's chair.

"Stop messing with me!"

"Are you ready to handle the consequences of what you've just done?" Asked Bifariam calmly.

"Oh please, do you really think anyone will take your side in this. You may be a duke, but you're alone! No one will save you from-"

"Oh no, i wasn't talking about attacking me." Bifariam interrupted cheerfully before pointing at his chair whose drapes were burnt enough to reveal a face. The face of none other than King Paimon. "You also attacked him."

The color immediately drained from his face and at that moment, Andrealphus knew...he f*ked up.

"Wait for me outside the palace, now." Ordered Paimon with a deep frown.

With a shaky bow, Andy quickly left the room and headed outside the mansion to wait for Paimon.

It was now only father and son in the room and Paimon couldn't help but sigh.

"Mind explaining...that?" Said Paimon gesturing towards Andrealphus's general direction.

"I've told him i have servants who work for free and eat dirt. He thought they were imps." Said Bifariam gesturing towards the plant monsters.

"That's it?" Asked Paimon raising a brow.

"I also stopped the HOSHA inspector from saying anything about these guys. Then, i bought three adult sized imp dolls and telekinetically controlled them to eat dirt in the garden while he recorded it." Said Bifariam cheerfully. "Then i called you and-"

"Told me to put a drape over my head and wait for a surprise." Said Paimon in confusion. "Lucifer f*king Morningstar, what did that kid do to deserve this?"

Bifariam didn't answer and instead silently gestured broadly towards his destroyed palace.

"You know, i can't even get angry at you for this." Said Paimon with a chuckle. "In fact, I'm almost proud."

Bifariam's grin grew as he heard this before Paimon continued.

"Leave that kid to me, I'll deal with him and the damages myself." Said Paimon as he started walking away. "And before i leave, next time you do something like this, include it in the invite."

"You got it." Replied Bifariam calmly.

And with that Bifariam was left alone in his destroyed home. He may have bought 3 adult sized imp dolls filled with dirt, did some some borderline bribery, and had his home destroyed, but it was worth it in the end...

Because there's nothing in this world better than sleeping knowing that your enemy can't.

xxXxx

Tell me how i did. Leave a review.

Toodles.