"*yawn*" a twenty year old Bifariam woke up with a yawn.
His vision was blurry as tried to open his eyes. He was barely able to make out a green figure wearing a tux looming over him.
A second later he opened his eyes to see the face of his head butler a few centimeters away from his face. Bifariam barely stopped himself from attacking the plant butler.
"It's been twenty years since I've been reincarnated in hell and this is the most terrifying thing I've seen." Said Biff tiredly. "What's wrong?"
"Lust, milk." The plant butler muttered. "Daddy."
Bifariam paused for a few seconds before he jumped out of his bed and shrank into a corner in fear.
"GET THE HECK AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!"
The plant butler didn't listen and approached Biff who was frozen in terror. With every step, Biff could feel his heart beating. The monster approached him with its eyes filled with malicious intent
However, Bifariam quickly realized he could overpower his opponent.
As Bifariam charged his holy attack to annihilate the butler, the plant monster reached for its pockets and pulled out...a mirror. A mirror that was on a call with Paimon.
"Uhh, son, what are you doing?" Asked Paimon in confusion as he saw the attack.
"I'm getting rid of this creep!" Exclaimed Bifariam with maddened determination.
"Well, can you go get me some milk from Lust when you're done? Some servant messed up the milk orders and i ran out." Said Paimon nonchalantly as if nothing is wrong.
Suddenly, something clicked inside Biff's mind. "Did you tell this plant monster about the milk? And did you in any way, shape or form use the word 'daddy'?" He asked as he lowered his guard.
Paimon nodded and Bifariam glared at him with the force of a thousand suns. Paimon noticed the glare and raised a brow.
"Oh my dark lord! I nearly had a heart attack because of you!" Yelled Bifariam angrily as he snatched the mirror from the plant monster. "Do you know how terrifying it is to wake up and the first thing you hear is 'Lust, milk. Daddy'?!"
Paimon snorted which only made Bifariam glare harder at his father.
"About time you started dating. Oh wait, you'd friendzoned by a succubus." Deadpanned Paimon. "Now go to the Lust Ring and get me some milk."
"Can't you pay someone to do it?" Asked Biff pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Funny story, the servant that I usually pay to do this is on vacation. So be a good son and go get me some milk."
"No." Deadpanned Bifariam. "Not unless you come with."
"Go to the mall?! Like the poor?!" Exclaimed Paimon in shock.
"Do you want some of mine?" Asked Bifariam tiredly.
Paimon gasped. "Sharing?! Have OUR FAMILY stooped so low that we have to SHARE MILK?! I rather just go the mall and mingle with the poor!"
"Fine, I'll meet you there." Replied Biff rolling his eyes.
Paimon froze as he processed what he just heard, but before he could retaliate Ariam hung up and ended the call.
"Prepare everything for a trip to the mall, you creep."
xxXxx
"Why did you bring me here?" Asked Paimon with a deep frown as he and his son stood in front of the mall in the lust ring. Both were wearing disguises because neither wanted to be recognized at the time. They had different colored feathers and hairstyles and everything. Not even the goetia family would recognize them.
"Oh i don't know...maybe because you called me early in the morning for milk." Deadpanned Bifariam rolling his eyes.
"Ugh, I don't want to put in effort. You could've just had some plant get the milk for you! Why do we have to go to such a hovel?!"
"Please, I doubt you can survive five minutes alone in this hovel." Said Bifariam rolling his eyes.
"Wanna bet on it?" Asked Paimon raising a brow.
"No magic or powers. I'll go buy some clothes. If you don't become a caveman by the time I'm done, I'll get you the finest milk in a silver bowl." Replied Biff calmly as he entered the building.
"Don't you mean 'on a silver platter'?" Asked Paimon as he followed his son inside.
"If you want to lick milk off the floor, sure."
xxXxx
Bifariam stood with a deep frown in front of a mirror holding a suit. The mirror was...weird. his legs looked like he was stealing flatscreen TV's in his pockets.
He squinted with clear displeasure before noticing another person next to him also using the mirror. It was a succubus.
"Ugh, catfish mirrors." She said with a disgusted expression.
"Catfish...mirrors?" Asked Bifariam raising a brow.
"S*ty succubi use it to overcompensate for their lack of good looks or self esteem. One moment you're looking at your type, another you're looking at a giraffe with horns for teeth."
"So...image filters?" Asked Bifariam tilting his head.
"Basically. I know where to find normal mirrors, wanna go..eh...?"
"Ariam." Said Biff calmly.
"Verosika." Replied the succubus.
Bifariam froze. "...Mayday?"
"Yeah, you've heard of me?" Asled Verosika raising a brow with a smile. "I'm not that famous so..."
"I'm sure that won't be the case for long." Replied Bifariam cheerfully and nervously.
Biff didn't expect to meet a major show character so unexpectedly, but it was good to be on friendly terms with a future celebrity.
The two walked together to an elevator and got inside. Verosika pressed the button and the elevator started moving...until it broke.
"Are we stuck here?" Asked Biff in concern.
Verosika knew there was only one proper reaction to this situation.
"F*k"
xxXxx
"What are these?" Asked Paimon with a look of absolute confusion as he stared at a tray of donuts.
"These are donuts, sir." Said the imp who looked life the life and joy was sucked out of her.
"Dough nuts? The poor can't even afford real nuts now?" Said Paimon cringing at the sight.
The imp lady looked like she an inch away from losing her sanity.
"And what are these?" Asked Paimon pointing at some hot dog weiners.
"Hot dog weiners." Said the imp worker lifelessly.
"Excuse me, what?"
"You put them in hot dog buns and eat the hot dog."
Paimon was paralyzed with horror. He was on the edge of vomiting. He began backing away from the food stand with a shiver moving down his spine. Feeling that chill, he made a run for it.
Soon, Paimon was far away from the horrid stand. But now, he was in a place arguably worse...the perfume section.
The first assault happened immediately when a worker lady sprayed a puff of perfume down Paimon's nostrils.
"Argh! How dare you-" Paimon growled before another puff of perfume hit him, this time hitting his eyes. "AAAH! IT BURNS!"
Paimon stumbled with blurry vision as he was bombarded by puffs of perfume assaulting all his senses.
As he stumbled about he felt a stick near his hand and immediately began using it as a spear. It was a pointy flagpole, so it was technically a spear.
The ladies holding their perfume bottles backed away from Paimon as he swung his mighty spear.
"Stay back, you barbarians! Back I say!" Exclaimed Paimon as he climbed upon a few boxes.
Soon, security arrived as two large imps wearing security staff uniforms got to the scene.
"Sir! Put the plastic flagpole down!" Exclaimed one of the security officers as they pointed their tasers at him.
"You'll have to take it out of my cold dead hands!" Exclaimed Paimon as he hopped away with his weapon in hand.
And 10 minutes later, Paimon grew a beard
xxXxx
Meanwhile, in the broken elevator.
"How long will it be till they fix this thing?" Asked Verosika tiredly.
"Who knows, I've never gotten stuck in an elevator before." Said Bifariam calmly.
"Do you have any way to pass the time?" Asked Verosika with a frown.
"We could tell dumb stories. I'll start. Every year, I give my brother's wife perfume of something disgusting and call it an exotic smell. So far, I've sent stuff like fox piss and rotten eggs with worm infested beans. It's considered discourteous to not use it at least once."
Verosika paused at the pure evil of the being in front of her.
"What the heck did she do to deserve that?" Asked Verosika in shock.
"She messes with my brother and I retaliate for him." Said Bifariam cheerfully. "This treatment may or may not extend to her brother who once tried to send me to prison."
"Is your daily life some sort of comedy sitcom or something?" Asked Verosika with a grin.
"Our dad once gave us a crossbow and spear to fight an animal because he didn't want to leave his chair."
Verosika snorted. "Alright, alright. My turn. One day..."
xxXxx
"Squad 1, protect the nuts isle. Squad 2, handle the meat isle. Me and squad 3, are to stay on pursuit. We have to capture him!" Exclaimed an imp mall officer in a serious tone into a walkie talkie. "At. All. Costs."
The chief of the imps eyed the mall carefully, his eyes darting from one location to another in anticipation.
"That filthy animal is somewhere inside this mall and I'll-" said The imp before he heard something from his walkie talkie and immediately put it up to his ear. "What is it?"
"Squad one here! He's taking the nuts, sir! He's eating our nuts!"
"Then stop him!" Exclaimed the imp chief as he glared at squad three which was giggling at the conversation.
"We can't! He's too powerful!"
"Stall until reinforcements arrive, got it?!" Said the imp chief as he began running to the nuts isle with squad three.
But before they could reach their destination, The chief heard something from his walkie talkie once again.
"HE'S AT THE MEAT ISLE!!"
"That sick son of a b*ch. Follow him without mercy! Squad one, head to the meat isle!" Exclaimed the chief with clear determination.
"No need." The cheif heard a voice from behind.
The chief turned around to see a large bird demon with a beard that reached his knees and a plastic pole for a spear.
The chief immediately open fired with his gun, but Paimon was not intimidated.
He used his plastic spear with grace and blocked the bullets, even slicing some of them in half.
The imp officers stared awestruck by the scene of an old guy slicing a bullet in half with nothing but a plastic pole.
"Nope, I'm out." Said one of the officers.
"What?!" Exclaimed The chief.
"Do you have eyes?! Fire me, but I rather live than fight his anime a* for a f*king mall!" Exclaimed the officer before running away
The other officers agreed and the chief was left alone with Paimon.
"Looks like it's you and me." Said The Chief narrowing his eyes as he pulled out his taser.
"Why do you fight vehemently for a world that doesn't want you?"
The chief looked as confused as he could ever be.
"Is this some anime speech about why I should join you?" Asked the chief in confusion.
"Yes, join me and we shall take over this world together!" Exclaimed Paimon.
"Calm the f*k down, it's just a mall!"
"Conquest knows no limits." Said Paimon in a serious tone.
"Again, just a f*king mall!"
"Well, if you won't join me, then you're against me. HAVE AT THEE!"
And so, the fight began.
xxXxx
Bifariam and Verosika were laughing together inside the broken elevator, completely unaware of what was happening outside.
"Hey, you're a cool dude. We should hang out sometime." Said Verosika with a smile.
"You mean as friends or a date?"
"Would you be offended if I said friends?" Asked Verosika feeling bad.
"No no, I understand if you're not into feathers." Said Bifariam cheerfully. "Well, I guess I should get us out of here for that hangout."
"You could've fixed the elevator?" Asked Verosika curiously.
"No. I can teleport us out, though." said Bifariam calmly. "I'm part of the goetia family."
Verosika nodded in understanding before Biff snapped his fingers and teleported them out of the elevator.
"Sorry for not doing anything earlier. Didn't want to reveal my secret identity" said Bifariam cheerfully.
"Why, I thought-" said Verosika before pausing and pointing in a direction.
Biff raised a brow and turned to where she was pointing and saw his father about to murder an innocent mall security cheif with a plastic flagpole.
"What...happened?" Asked Bifariam in shock.
Paimon noticed Bifariam and threw away the pole before approaching his son.
"I left you for...how long?"
"36 minutes." Replied Verosika.
"36 minutes! And now you're about to commit murder?!" Exclaimed Bifariam in shock. "And you somehow grew a giant beard?!"
"Wow, your life IS like a sitcom." Commented Verosika calmly.
"Who's she?" Asked Paimon curiously.
"A friend."
"We're friends."
"You actually got friend zoned by a succubus?" Asked Paimon in shock.
"That's impressive-" said the imp chief before Biff threw a bag of gold in his face.
"For the damages." Said Bifariam before he teleported himself and Paimon out of the mall, leaving behind only a phone number for Verosika.
And in the end, Paimon still didn't get his milk.
xxXxx
Tell me how I did. Leave a review.
Toodles.
