Sorry for the delay, I didn't have any inspiration.
It will happen again.
The chapter could be terrible, but you kept asking so here's what I got.
Enjoy.
xxXxx
"Ahh, weekend at last." Said Biff cheerfully as he sat on his couch. "Just me and my TV for the whole day-"
"Sir!" Biff froze as he saw his head butler run up to him in a panic. "Stolas, naughty"
"..." Biff turned to his plant servant with concern. "What?"
"Stolas divorce Stella, naughty imp."
"Oooooh! You mean he did the deed with an imp and declared a divorce. We really need to work on your vocabulary" Said Biff calmly. "Wait- how did you hear about this?"
"Lots friends."
"But I only have one friend and that's Verosika." Said Biff in confusion before going stiff and glaring at his butler. "How many?"
"Three six two. Two eight nine ladies."
"You have 362 friends, 289 of which are ladies?" Asked Biff in disbelief before his butler nodded. "Excuse me?"
The plant stared back at Biff silently and that was enough of a message for him to decipher.
"Oh come on! Am I that unappealing?!" Yelled Biff with tears in his eyes.
The butler didn't dare to answer before Biff stood up with a determined expression.
"I have to set things right. You, me, Lust, we race to see who gets someone's number first. Loser owes the winner a favor."
"You own me." Replied the plant butler in confusion.
"It's not about the prize, it's about the message." Said Biff in a serious tone. "How could I live with myself knowing something I made is more popular than I am?!'
"Normally?" Answered the butler hopefully.
"...no." said Biff in a tone of utmost seriousness.
Seeing this, all the head butler could do was sigh tiredly.
xxXxx
Later, at a bar
"*Sob* What do I do, Verosika?" Cried Biff in tears. "I don't even know the first thing about flirting!"
"Relax, Biff, I thought you liked being single." Replied Verosika calmly as she avoided the dangerous angelic tears. "Why'd you suddenly make a bet about getting someone number?"
"One of my servant is just so damn popular and I MADE HIM. Do you know how embarrassing that is?"
"Hmm, can you describe him for me?" Asked Verosika with a hand on her chin.
"He's a plant and wears a bowtie." Muttered Ariam dejectedly.
"Wait- are you talking about Bow?" Asked Verosika causing Biff to let out a sound of confusion. "You know, the internet sensation with millions of followers."
"Excuse me? I thought he had just a couple hundred friends-" said Biff before Verosika cut him by showing him a voxtagram profile that showed his butler with a lot of followers. "*Sob*"
"Hey hey hey. This is not the worst situation. You can still win against the guy...I have tshirts of and wouldn't mind a date with." Said Verosika whispering the last part as Bifariam cried in the background. "*Deep breath* look, you've helped me a lot and I'll help you. You just need some practice."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
Biff smiled before Verosika took a deep breath.
"Alright, pretend I'm a hot babe you're into. Try to get my number." Said Verosika before putting on her charms. "Hey there, handsome."
"Oh, hi." Replied Biff cheerfully.
Verosika stared at Biff in concern. "Huh?" She muttered. "So, whatcha doing in a place like this?"
Biff sweat dropped. "Uhh, something?"
Verosika stared at Biff with a glare that could pierce through concrete and the latter was none the wiser.
The succubus took a deep breath before speaking. "Well, I'm something."
"Don't say that. That's degrading to oneself."
Verosika was partially ready to choke the life out of Biff as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "How the hell do I make this any easier?" She whispered to herself. "Wanna hang out?"
"But did Out do to deserve this?" Asked Biff jokingly, causing Verosika's face to hit the table in disappointment. "Get it? Out...hang Out."
"I get it." Replied Verosika tiredly before trying to be optimistic as she took her face off the table. "Okay, maybe you're not good at receiving. Maybe you're good at giving. Show me your best pick up lines."
Biff froze as he racked his brain for something before an idea hit him.
"Hey, are you genetically modified? Cause I wanna cut you up and know everything about you."
"Less like a serial killer, I beg you." Deadpanned Verosika.
"Hey, are you humanity? Cause you're causing some dangerous levels of global warming that'll kill me in 50 years."
"Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse." Muttered Verosika in defeat.
"Did I do good?" Asked Biff with an innocent, hopeful smile.
Verosika stared at Biff waiting for his results and thought if she could really crush his dreams right then and there?
"No." Yes, she could. "We're gonna have to cram years of social experience into your head until you can't possibly mess up. You will get someone's number even if it's the last thing I DO!"
xxXxx
At Ozzie's in Lust.
"Ready to lose, sucker?" Asked Biff cheerfully as he cracked his knuckles.
"Cheering you." Said the plant butler calmly.
"Don't be like that, it makes me feel like the bad guy." Said Bifariam narrowing his eyes before pulling out his phone. "In 10 seconds, we start. 10...9...8-"
"*Gasp* is that Bow, the bushy gentleman?" Biff heard a lady yell.
The lady ran up to the butler who looked nervous by this development excitedly.
"I can't believe it's you! Oh, I must be bothering you. Here have my number! You don't have to call me, just have it."
Before Biff could even say anything, the lady already gave his butler her number.
Biff's shoulder's dropped dejectedly before Bow decided to remedy the situation. "Invalid. Not started."
"Yeah. YEAH! let's continue the countdown. 7...6...5...4...3-"
"Hey, guys! It's Bow, the bushy gentleman and he's taking numbers!"
Soon, demons of all kinds flooded Bow with the intent of giving him their numbers.
Biff watched this with a frown before sighing and walking away.
Eventually, he made to a pavement where he sat miserably.
"Oho, if it isn't my old friend Bifariam." Said a familiar voice.
"If it isn't the horny man himself, Asmodeus. What do you want?" Asked Biff tiredly.
"I just saw what happened back there. Some kind of popularity competition? Looks like you lost badly." Said the prince of Lust cheerfully.
Biff didn't reply and instead rolled his eyes as Asmodeus continued.
"It seems you and your brother are on a roll for this kind of thing. I've heard of his little affair with an imp. Such a shame. He had everything, a kid, a smoking wife-"
"Don't you have better things to do?" Asked Biff tiredly.
"I have some time."
"Guess being the joke of the deadly sins does that to you." Said Biff tiredly causing Asmodeus to raise a brow. "You've got cool stuff like Pride, Greed and Wrath. Envy and Sloth, which are relatable. Gluttony sucks, but I'd take it any day over being the prince of horniness."
"What are you-"
"You're a cock, Asmodeus. The bird. You're a pun and your lover is an actual clown. In case you haven't noticed at this point, your whole life is one big fuuucking joke! And I'm happy to know that I'm not you!" Said Biff before stomping away then abruptly stopping. "Loser!"
All Asmodeus could do was watch as the angelic figure left with maniacal laughter and a bushy gentleman in hand.
"...huh? That actually hurt a little."
xxXxx
I tried.
Toodles.
