I know that I'm not like other girls.
We could go through the typical answers; lack of an interest in makeup, lack of an interest in social activities such as dates and dances, lack of an interest in boys, etcetera..etcetera.
But there's still one lingering one;
Other girls don't learn how to fly, go to a fantastical land where time stops, and meet somebody that no one else could match, in terms of how much they understand and compliment you.
See what I mean?
It's an experience that John, Michael, and I shared together, but sometimes it seems that I'm the only one who remembers what really happened and still carries those parts of me that haven't changed since I was 12. Parts that I feel consistently resented for by my parents.
John and Michael don't like to talk about it as much. They've moved on and molded themselves into different people with different dreams, different ambitions and goals.
John is consistently consumed with a need for academics and beating just about anyone when it comes to grades. Michael has surrounded himself with sports, soccer in particular, and it seems to be attached to anything we talk about.
You could say I've tried to do as my brothers did, force myself to assume the daughter that my parents wish for me, and become invested in what all the other girls at my high school are invested in. I've tried, but you can only try to convince yourself of a lie over and over again, before your mind finally calls you on your bullshit.
So my mother has hauled me into a therapist's office, frustrated with my so-called lack of effort and I'll humor her and go.
But that lost feeling will still be there, in the back of my mind; constantly forcing me to pick a side between being who my family wants me to be or taking the risk and being myself, even though the one one who accepted me as that isn't here.
