AN: Content warning for substance use (they're sitting around getting high together, in case the title didn't give it away somehow, LOL)
"What, man? No, man! I'm telling ya, man, I'm at least 30% right!" Hiro flapped his arms, the empty sleeves of his jacket doing likewise.
"30% ain't shit, dude!" Mondo snapped back, clenching a hand into a fist and glowering at his classmate.
Hiro gave an undignified whimper-moan-squeal and half-hid his face behind his hands, even though he was trying to act calm, cool, and collected. Of course, neither Monodo nor anyone else with them bought it for even a single second.
"Are they... always... like this?" Hajime narrowed his eyes tiredly. Even though his feelings about being around other Ultimates was... muddled, to put it mildly, it also wasn't easy for him to just pass up the chance to be close to them, no matter how mixed his feelings were. And the student that managed to put him in connection with these Ultimates was yet another Ultimate, a boy named Nagito. It occurred to Hajime that if he was an Ultimate, he and Nagito would've been classmates as Mondo and Hiro were, save that Nagito and Hajime were a year older.
"Ultimates are... the pinnacle of the expression of humanity," Nagito said, smiling dreamily at Mondo and Hiro as they continued to cuss and cower respectively. "Thus, it is to be expected that, in all that they do, they will be... more than others." His dreamy smile turned glibe. Ah yes, the chaos of boyish youth, of hotheads and hotbloods.
And as Nagito said, because they were Ultimates, the quarrels they got into were even more intense than those of their non-Ultimate counterparts. Hajime would've considered this cause for concern. Nagito saw it as a thing of beauty, a testament to the raw, overwhelming passion and power of being an Ultimate. How lucky and unworthy he was to be sitting beside such excellence!
"Was that a robophobic remark?!" Somehow, one of the quietest members of their group managed to out-shout the loudest. Kiibo was pointing an accusatory metal finger at his classmate, Kokichi. Kokichi, meanwhile, had his hands behind his head, eyes closed as he smiled.
"Whaaaat?" Kokichi asked innocently. "I'm just stating an obvious fact that everyone already knows! Robots can't have gender!"
"Yes they can!" Kiibo argued fiercely. "Even if we are not born the way humans are, we can be programmed to have sex and/or gender in any combination or amount!" Kiibo identified primarily as "male" or nonbinary (and was addressed using he/him pronouns) but he was proud to say that he could be just as "female" or "genderfluid" as any of his human classmates! They just had to tweak his settings a little.
"Waaaait, how can a robot be nonbinary if they run primarily on binary code? Kokichi asked, smirking as he brought a finger to his lips. It was as if he wanted to pretend that he was confused, but the glee at being such a tease forced a smile out of him rather than a bewildered expression.
"They are not referring to the same type of binary and you know that!" Kiibo snapped. He was still reactive, but for better or worse, he was familiar enough with Kokichi by then to catch onto at least some of his sarcasm and taunts. "Why did you invite me along with you anyway?"
"Well, because we needed a lighter, duh!" Kokichi grinned cheerfully. Some of the students looked confused while others looked almost guilty. Hiro was "affectionately" known as "Weedman" in his class and the other five with him that day were customers, whether they knew it or not.
"But our class is the only one that's supposed to know about that shit!" Mondo snarled.
"H-hey, man! Don't look at me, man!" Hiro raised his hands in front of his face, whimpering and laughing nervously. "Byakuya totally would've done something just as sleazy, but it would've been hailed as, like, corporate genius, or something! At least I gave you a free fortune-telling!"
"With a 30% chance of coming true!" Mondo's neck vein looked seconds away from bursting.
The big fortune was how likely Mondo was to get with a hot chick in the near-future. It was meant to placate Mondo for Hiro telling the other Hope's Peak classes about his "side hustle", but of course, the results only infuriated Mondo even more.
"So does that mean Mondo is 70% likely to be forever alone?!" Kokichi asked, finally perfecting the mock-innocence and confusion.
"Not necessarily. For example, the probability could mean that he has a 30% chance of "getting with" either a male, a female, or a nonbinary individual. That leaves the chance of being single at only 10%!" As noted before, although Kiibo could pick up on some of Kokichi's sarcasm, he couldn't pick up on all of it.
Hajime could only watch the quartet argue in front of him, Nagito beside him, still smiling dreamily. They hadn't even broken out the weed yet and Nagito already looked stoned and the others were acting crazy. Was this karma's way of teaching Hajime not to be so desperate to hang out and fit in with the cool kids that he stooped to levels such as this?
After all, as it was finally sinking in, they still hadn't even broken out the weed yet. Even though Hajime's primary motive for going was to be around other Ultimates, he knew there would be weed present, and he was intending on having some with the others, but that could not happen if they didn't stop acting like children fighting on the playground!
At last, though, Hiro managed to produce a handful of dented tin cans and boxes from his pants. As... unprofessional as it was, the weed was higher quality than anyone was expecting, especially from someone like him.
"Tchyou mean about that, bro?" Hiro snorted as he was the first to light up. "I used my Talent to help me divine where the best stuff was!"
"That's what you use your Talent for?!" Mondo thundered in disbelief and disdain, but a second later, "pfft." He calmed down and took a hit.
"I, for one, must commend such creativity!" Nagito replied, reclining as he hit a joint. He offered it to Hajime, and after a moment of hesitation, it occurred to Hajime that the Ultimates might finally become tolerable if he wasn't entirely sober. The only ones yet to consume any weed were the two third-years. Well, Kiibo tried, but...
"This does nothing for me." The robot sat cross-legged, and now cross-armed, as he pouted. There were various joints and vapes poking out of, or plugged into, various parts and vents of Kiibo's body, but no matter where they sent the smoke or vapor, it did nothing for him.
"Well it wasn't meant to do anything for you, silly! You're a robot! And robots can't get high!" Kokichi cackled.
"Is that a robophobic—?" Before Kiibo could finish pointing accusatorily at Kokichi, Kokichi suddenly put his mouth on a hole near the back of Kiibo's neck and inhaled as hard as he could.
"Woah, dude, that's genius! A Kiibong!" Hiro gasped in awe as Kokichi staggered away from Kiibo, giggling madly to himself. Kiibo, meanwhile, looked horrified, disgusted, and violated, but to his dismay, the others were eyeing him with interest.
Mondo still thought it was stupid as shit, but it was getting harder and harder to remember why he was mad (or that he was mad at all) after taking a massive rip from their newly-made Kiibong. Hiro would join him soon, but was still too mindblown to move yet.
Nagito didn't move either, still reclined and smiling glibly as he watched the other Ultimates share their whimpering, blushing Kiibong.
Hmm, I didn't know robots could blush. Truly, he is the Ultimate Robot to be capable of such a unique and remarkable feat! Then his mind fell down another rabbit hole. Beside him, Hajime was completely zoned out, mouth hanging open slightly. He stared dead ahead, seeing nothing, head empty. When Nagito again offered his blunt to Hajime, Hajime took it mechanically and inhaled for another draw.
AN: I know weed in and of iteslf is not a queer symbol, but count how many rainbow pot leaves you see this June, LOL!
