Tony had noticed that Loki's attitude was warming up around him, Pete, and Pepper. Stark didn't know what to attribute this to, for nothing drastic had really occurred since they'd arrived. Yes, Loki was beginning to show how good of a person he could truly be. His outfit, however, had not changed.
"Come on," Tony groaned, shrugging an Adidas sport jacket over his AC/DC t-shirt. "You can't go out in that."
Loki frowned, looking down at his outfit. "I suppose not. Midgardians don't appreciate this fine Asgardian leather." He flourished his hand dramatically, and with a shimmer of light Loki's green and gold getup was replaced with a sharp, all-black suit.
He held his arms out in mock perplexion and looked at Tony. "Better?"
Tony just sighed. "No normal person would ever go to a baby store in a suit. The whole point is to blend in."
"You're going to make me wear commoner clothing?" Loki was appalled.
"I'm literally the richest man in America, and I'm wearing this. It's not the end of the world. A t-shirt and jeans. C'mon Rock of Ages, we don't have all day. Do you want me to grab you one of my outfits?"
Loki, with as much embarrassment and disdain he could manage, nodded slowly.
"I'll be right back." Tony sighed and walked towards his room, patting Loki on the shoulder as he passed.
Five minutes later, he returned with a bundle of clothing in his arms. "Here. They might not fit, so use some of your magic crap or whatever to alter the size."
With a shudder and grimace, Loki flourished his hand once more and his dapper suit transformed into the outfit in Tony's hand.
"Much better!" Stark appraised, slapping the antihero on the back.
Loki wriggled with discomfort in his new jeans and looked down at the design on his t-shirt. "What is Imagine Dragons?"
"A band," Tony replied. "Good music."
Loki grumbled under his breath as he picked up Thor. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"
"Thought you'd never ask," Pepper said, coming in behind them.
"Miss Potts? Mr. Stark?" Peter asked timidly, peeking around the doorframe, "Aunt May wants to know where I am. What should I tell her?"
"She still doesn't know you're Spider-Man?"
"No, no, she does, but I didn't know if you wanted, uh, this-" he gestured to the baby Avengers- "announced to the public just yet?"
"Good call, kid," Tony said, scratching his beard in thought. "Just tell her it's an emergency mission and you might have to stay with me for a while. Assure Aunt Hottie- I mean May- that it's nothing dangerous, and I'll update her every so often on when you should be done."
Pepper gave him a disapproving glance and put her hand on Peter's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, we've got it covered."
"Thanks Ms. Potts."
"Peter, you've known me long enough you can call me Pepper."
"Thanks, Ms. Pepper!"
"Okay, gang, since the *ssholes at the store won't give us our stuff, we're goin' on a field trip!"
It took the other three a good thirty seconds to realize Tony was not addressing them, but instead the little children lined up on the couch. He scooped up Steve and Bucky, the two closest to him, motioning to his comrades to do the same.
Loki picked up his brother and Bruce, Pepper gently carried Natasha and Clint, leaving Peter with Sam.
"Mister Stark," Peter asked, "won't people… recognize them? I mean, surely it can't be hard to put two and two together when they see you with a bunch of baby stuff and kids that look a lot like Avengers."
"Your son has a point," Loki agreed.
Peter went red. "I'm… um- er, well, I'm not his-"
"I hadn't thought of that," Tony admitted, cutting across Peter's rambling. "I suppose we could always use the good old disguise method. Pep, you can wear a makeshift baby sling, right? Carry Nat and Barton in that, so people won't see 'em. Lokes, I hate to ask this because I'm sure it won't end well, but is there a… magical solution for you?"
"I can project an illusion for a short period of time," Loki replied. "If you hurry at the store, it should hold long enough to conceal the identities of the children."
"Pete, luckily, you've got a secret identity so you don't have to be worried about being swamped by the press. But, just as a precaution, if anyone asks, just say you're bringing your best friend's sister's boyfriend's mom's uncle's son-in-law's stepbrother's kid out. Confuse them a bit."
Poor Peter looked like he was having an aneurysm as he tried to piece together the family tree he was just given.
Tony studied Bucky's mechanical arm for a few moments, before remembering that the ex-assassin had been wearing a leather jacket before being shrunken. He shoved the jacket on, covering the limb. Then, turning his attention to Steve, Tony bit his lip and contemplated for a while. After seeing no way around the child looking severely like the most famous icon in America, Stark eventually gave up and tied a bandana around Steve's head.
"That's gonna have to do," he grumbled. Once the others had ministered similar slight changes to their children he asked, "Everyone ready?"
Pepper, with Clint in a bedsheet-turned-baby sling on her back and Nat in her arms, nodded and sidled up next to him. "Uh, Tony, how are we going to get there? None of your fancy sports cars have baby seats…"
"D*mmit," Tony groaned. "Loki?"
Without saying a word, Loki rolled his eyes, twirled his hand, and made them all disappear in a flash of green light.
When the dizzying feeling ended, Tony opened his eyes to see the storefront of Babies 'R' Us.
"Good thing there aren't any people," he muttered.
Loki, who squirmed with discomfort in his Midgardian outfit again, rolled his eyes. Then, with another green shimmer of light, he magically cast an illusion over Banner and Thor, who were in his arms. Then, the green shimmer extended to Loki himself, his features distorting and changing until he was unrecognizable.
"Alright, gang, we're here to pick up our stuff and go!" Tony said, pulling the others into a huddle and handing out small earpieces. "But staying too close together will draw a lot of suspicion. I'm bringing Pete to the front desk to sort out the purchasing stuff. You said they were holding everything at the register, right?"
"Yeah," Peter answered. "They said they'd hold it til I could provide evidence that I hadn't completely robbed Tony Stark of his credit card."
"Okay. Pete and I will sort that out. Pep, Lokes, you two just stay under the radar, alright? I'll signal you when it's time to go. Alert me through the comm if anything goes awry."
The others nodded, and they walked into the store. Pepper and Loki immediately walked in opposite directions, Pepper heading towards the baby food section, and Loki making his way towards the clothing area. Meanwhile, Tony and Peter walked towards the customer service desk.
"Kid, can you take Manchurian Candidate for a sec?"
"Sure, Mister Stark!" Peter took Bucky from Tony's arms, and Tony walked quickly up to customer service.
"Hey," Tony said, rapping his knuckles on the desk to get the attendant's attention. "I heard you turned away my kid and accused him of theft."
"Mr. Stark," Peter mumbled, embarrassed. "They didn't really-"
"Pete, shut up, the adults are talking. Hey, you!" Tony snapped his fingers in front of the middle-aged attendant.
"Oh my God…" The man's eyes went wide. "You're… Tony Stark!"
"Yeah, I am, and frankly I'm a little upset you turned away my kid." Tony gestured to Peter, who blushed. "See, we're having a bit of an emergency with the Avengers, and I sent Pete here to gather materials. He came back with nothing, and that's because you turned him away. I had to come here to sort everything out, when I should have been dealing with the emergency with the Avengers. You know what that means? That means you are slowing me down. You are holding me back from saving your *ss. You know what would've happened a few years ago if an annoying thirty-something year-old who still lives in his mom's basement slowed down the Avengers? The entire world would be under the jurisdiction of a psychotic god."
"I find that insulting on a personal level, Stark," Loki said, scathingly sarcastic, through the comm unit.
"Oh- Mr. Stark… um," the attendant stuttered, his eyes flicking back and forth between Peter and Tony. "We didn't… it was just a precaution… you know, store policy and everything…"
"I see. So, you have a store policy that strictly says you cannot allow people to use the credit card of Anthony E. Stark?"
"Well, no, not exactly," the associate said. "But, we knew it was your card, sir… and we knew he wasn't you…"
"I'm gonna stop you right there," Tony interrupted. "I don't want to hear it. Just hand over the stuff and make sure this doesn't happen again. Honestly, I think it's a bit insulting that you thought I'd let a teenager steal my card and get away with it."
"Y- yes, sir." Shakily, the attendant reached down and procured several dozen bags of baby food, clothes, and other necessities. Then, he dragged three large boxes, containing double seated strollers, out from under the counter. "Um, I'll ring you up, sir."
Tony clapped his hands twice. "Uh uh. Nope. You're not gonna ring me up. You're gonna ring Pete up. Meanwhile, I am going to deal with the emergency Avengers business that you have interrupted."
The associate was silent, his eyes slightly bulging out of his head.
Tony patted Peter on the shoulder fondly . "The PIN number is 0529 in case it ever happens again," he whispered.
"Thanks, Mr. Stark."
"Okay you two," Tony muttered into his comm unit, behind his hand. "Pep, Lokes, come back to the front of the store. We're gonna need all hands on deck for this job. Tolstoy, you may need to magic some of this stuff back to the house."
"Lovely," Loki responded sarcastically.
"On my way back now," Pepper said. "I only got, like, two weird stares by the way, and that was probably because I'm carrying around a child in a bedsheet."
"Listen, I made do with what we had," Tony mumbled defensively. "We've got good carriers now, and strollers. No more bedsheets."
"Good." This time, Pepper's voice didn't come from the comm, but from directly behind Tony. Loki appeared there soon after.
"Okay, Mr. Stark!" Peter said cheerfully, waving Tony's credit card in the air. "We're all good!"
"Spectacular." Tony turned to Loki. "You think you can handle all this stuff?"
"Yes," Loki answered, though his pale face was flushed and sweaty. "Let's just… bring it all outside, so we don't attract attention with it."
"Roger that, Lokes. You heard the man, Pete. help me bring it all out?"
Somehow, Peter and Tony managed to carry the hundreds of dollars worth of baby supplies out of the store and to the back alleyway without drawing too many stares, dropping any child on their head, or breaking any of their newly purchased merchandise.
"Okay," Tony heaved, leaving heavily against one of the stroller boxes, "you didn't even break a sweat. I know I'm no Super Soldier but I can't be that out of shape."
"Oh, don't worry Mr. Stark, the spider bite made me able to hold nearly ten tons!"
"Oh. you weren't joking about that?"
"Nope!"
While Tony considered this newfound information, Loki quickly undid all of his concealment charms on himself, Thor, and Bruce. The Asgardian was nearly as wiped out as Tony, though he hadn't even carried anything.
"Hey, Mr. Loki, are you okay?" Peter asked, looking concerned.
"I'm fine," Loki panted. "Just… haven't held an enchantment for that long in a while. It takes quite a bit out of me."
Tony put his hand on Loki's shoulder and jostled it a little bit. "C'mon man, where's the Take Over the World confidence?"
Loki groaned. "It died when Thanos stopped mind-controlling me."
"Thanos?" Peter asked, curious. "Who's that?"
"No one you have to worry about, Spider-Kid," Loki replied. "He's dead."
"Oh. anyways, Mr. Loki, do you have a way you an get all this stuff back to Mr. Stark's house?"
"No," Loki responded, wiping the sweat off his brow with the collar of his borrowed Imagine Dragons tee-shirt. "I would barely be able to transport myself somewhere right now."
"How are we going to get back, then?" Peter asked, turning to Pepper and Tony.
They thought for a moment, before Tony snapped his fingers. "I've got it." He whipped out his cellphone, pressed a few buttons, and held it to his ear. After a few vibrations, someone picked up the other line.
"Hello?"
"Hey!" Tony said brightly. "Want to be of some assistance, Happy?"
