I do not own Hetalia, okay? I know it has been a while since I updated this fic, but I do plan to have this story go to the end. Anyway, enough of this A/N, on with the fic!

July 4th, 1919

(From the diary of Ivan Braginsky)

Today was Fredka's birthday and quite a celebration. And I cannot believe that he got a car. Or that Natalya, Fredka, Nikolai the twins and I and the wheelchair actually all fit in there. Well to be fair, Fredka is pretty strong and carried me with no qualms, even if I was a little embarrassed and just tied the chair along with some ropes. Somehow though, the bumpy ride was felt in my lower back and my legs, like I didn't think I would. There's been times I have bumped around and felt when I have bruised legs and felt these kinds of phantom pains. I thought that I would not feel a single thing but guess not. Katyusha says this may be a sign of hope that I may recover, as most paraplegics she worked with as a nurse could not feel a thing, she saw many with broken toes, burns and other injuries they didn't know they had. I guess I should be grateful that she is a nurse and knows about these things.

Since this is a private journal and no one else will read this, I have to admit, I did enjoy just having Fredka carry me along to the chair and followed Nikolai out to the ocean. And with this, I was able to feel the waves as I followed him as much as I could, with Fredka following him further. I wish that it could be just the two of us, but I will settle for him being a part of my family, the best friend that he is and good husband to Natalya. Natalya had a delicious picnic lunch packed and I could tell that as soon as they had come to take me along with their trip that Matthew was certain to be by the house not too long after. I do not mind if they are together. He seems like an honorable man who would take care of her. But I know both of them are afraid of what would happen if they do get together. I couldn't bear to ask them to move out nor could I bear to ask Fredka and Natalya to take care of me as well. No matter how much they assure me that this is no bother, I feel like I am.

I must say it was a delightful birthday for Fredka and I had given him an old pocket watch I had from my father in order for him to give it to Nikolai when he gets older. I insisted he keep it, even though eh told me to keep it for when 'Lucille and I finally get together and have kids.' I didn't have the heart to tell him that even if I wasn't living a lie by marrying her, I couldn't. My mind does wander at night when I am alone, about just what heaven could be if it were just Fredka and I. I have had some rather, well French dreams that I have only told Lucille about, and I noticed things that happened in these dreams with myself that no longer do when I have the same dreams now. Which I assume is linked to my injury. I do have some difficulty relieving myself because of it. We had return to New York just in time for the fireworks and I have to say the most beautiful thing was a tie for me, between Fredka's joy for them or seeing Nikolai's face as he sat on my lap to watch them and then fell asleep as we walked back from the park that night. Even though I can never have him, it is wonderful to have him as a friend and be an uncle to his children.

So how was that? Good? Bad? Short? Long? Let me know in a review. This story is intended to stand independent of both The Longing of the Heart and The Healing of the Heart which this story will have a difference from both naturally. Now if this will be as long as those, that I do not know yet and I won't update as fast as some of the others I have. But anyway, remember to read (well you just did) and to review. Ciao for now,

Otherrealmwriter

Aka

Realm