Author's Note: First of all, I would like to take a moment to appreciate everyone who is taking the time to read/review/favorite/follow this story! It really does mean a lot to me. It took a lot for me to get back into writing for this site again so all the support is really appreciated.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, as we all well know, but hey, I'm covering my bases. The only thing I do own is my thoughts, plots, and O/C's. So without further ado, please read and enjoy.
REWRITTEN AND REUPLOADED ON 03/20/2023
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Chapter Three
Leah Clearwater wasn't about to back down from any challenge, but maybe she wasn't quite as prepared for this one as thought she was. Her heart thudded in her chest and she sucked in a breath as she stared out at the rocky sea.
She had dived from this spot countless times before, so what was different this time?
As she stared over the edge, the drop seemed a lot farther down than in her memory. Although it was warm and sunny, the wind remained strong, tossing her hair about as wildly as the current below.
Two years ago, she wouldn't have given the decision a second thought. Two years ago, she would have been here with her pack. Leah would have likely been the first one to catapult over the edge rather than be left stuck, for even a second, with a bunch of hormonal, testosterone fueled teen boys.
"We can go lower. I mean, this is pretty high up for a human," Paul joked. He said it as if he might be mocking her, but there was sincerity hidden there.
He was giving her a chance to back out.
Leah Clearwater was many things, but a coward wasn't one of them.
She stripped off her shirt and shimmied out of her shorts, sticking her tongue out at Paul, throwing him a, "Fuck off, Lahote. This is nothing for me - human or otherwise," confidently in response.
He gave her a devilish grin she couldn't help but return.
"Go ahead then," he offered, splaying a hand to the vast expanse of ocean below them. Black eyes raked quickly over her body, pausing to admire all of her assets before returning to her face.
Something about the moment made her feel like she was laid bare, far too much skin available for him to access. "You look great in that, by the way," he said, voicing aloud his - abundantly clear to see - thoughts.
Leah didn't bother to hide her scantily clad body - just a bra and panties to offer her coverage - but she did wish that he would stop looking at her that way. Paul and the rest of the pack had all seen her naked and bare - one too many times. It was simply a curse of their particular genetic affliction.
That didn't mean she had to like it.
She put her hands on her hips, giving him a heated enough glare to hide any blush that might have stained her cheeks. "Don't say stuff like that, Lahote. It pisses me off," she growled. He instantly raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I know it may be hard to believe it, but I don't want to get into a fight with you. So dont piss me off, okay? And I'll try to do the same."
He held up his hands. "Relax, I'm not looking for a fight." He paused, before shrugging. "Anyway, I'm just being honest. You've heard it all before - in my head."
She shook her head. "That was different."
"Alright, alright. I get it." He surprised her by chuckling. "You know, I really don't want to fight with you anymore either, Leah."
Truth lied in his dark eyes and she couldn't help but relax, smiling once more.
"Good, I'm glad we're on the same page."
"Me too."
Leah turned away and took in one long, deep breath. "Come on! Stop wasting daylight, Lahote!" she yelled, running for the cliffside.
It was exhilarating as she launched into the air, nothing but the wind rushing in her ears to accompany her fall. She held firm for a smooth dive, angling to hit the waves just right.
Adrenaline pumped full force into her veins and there was nothing but euphoria as she awaited her descent into the water.
It was warm outside, but the water was almost ice cold as she was swallowed up in it. It sent her into shock for a second and she almost let out her breath. Nonetheless, it was the icing on the cake as far as adrenaline chasing went.
She kicked upwards, the water rippling around her as another body entered.
She broke the surface to see waves and proof of Paul's disappearance to the water. He must have jumped in right after her.
She hollered loudly before letting out a string of wild giggles. There were so many things she loved about the Quilette Reservation - this was most definitely one of them.
Paul's head popped out of the water. He took a moment to catch his breath before grinning at her.
"I could hear you making that racket from under the water. Are you really that happy to be home?"
She smiled. "Yeah." Leah tread water, tilting her head to peer around. The dark water crashed up against the cliff side with each push and pull of a wave and the sky was clear with birds flying high above. A salty breeze rosied her cheeks as much as the wide smile on it did. There was the beach to the left, a blur of brown and green that was sand and trees. She took it all in as if it was her first time really seeing it. "Yeah, I'm happy to be home."
They swam for shore and she flopped onto the sand. The warm sun was welcomed on her skin. She didn't bother to move and was glad when Paul sat down beside her.
"Hey, can I ask you something?"
She raised her head to curiously stare at him. "Since when do you ask for permission for anything?" she teased. He glared and she laughed. "Yeah, shoot."
He rolled his eyes before turning away. She laid her head back down, staring up at the blue overhead sky and waiting for his deep voice to once again meet her ears.
"Where did you go - when you left?"
She hesitated, before answering truthfully.
"Oregon."
"That's not too far," he commented.
She sighed, turning her head so that she could meet his gaze.
"I didn't need to go far - I just needed to go, Paul."
Silence welcomed her confession. It seemed as if her words had struck a chord within her old packmack.
When he spoke again, it was heavy and with purpose.
"What was it like to leave?"
She furrowed her brows. If there was anyone with less to lose by leaving than her, it was Paul. In fact, she was a little surprised he had continued to stick around until now.
Leah didn't need to be in his head to know that he didn't exactly enjoy his life - or most of the people in it. He considered leaving the Rez's small, boring life behind, but was stopped by what most people were. This was what he knew, where he grew up, and where his blood was.
She realized she had been quiet for too long, but Paul didn't seem impatient with her for it. He just sat in silence, perhaps thinking the exact same thoughts she was.
"It was... freeing, in a way. I didn't have anyone or anything tying me down. I didn't have the pack to answer to. I didn't have someone telling me what to do with my life and with my time." She bit her lip, deciding to reveal even more. "I left to get away from everything, not just Sam or Emily or the pack, but to get away from all that shit that was weighing me down. I'm sure you know. You were in my head. There was so much that was making me unhappy."
"You don't seem to be unhappy anymore," he pointed out, as if he was puzzled by that fact.
She shook her head. "It wasn't always like that. When I left, most of my problems followed me. All that emotional shit wasn't something I could just run from, as much as I wanted to." She sighed, reaching for the sky as if there might be some sort of freedom found there. "I don't really know what to tell you, Paul. If you're asking me for yourself, I don't think I could have made it this far without leaving. But I also don't think I could have made it this far if I hadn't come back. I wasn't trapped here, it only felt that way." She swallowed, dropping her hand. "You aren't trapped here either, Paul."
Leah couldn't deny that it had been a healing experience to leave the Reservation, but it had also caused its own wound. In the end, this was her home and coming back to it was the only way to try and close that wound. She would probably always feel a stronger tie to here than anywhere else, calling her back time and time again. It was something deep within her. It could be because of her tribal bloodline and her wolf. It could be because her mother and Seth were here.
But maybe it was because, from the moment she had decided to run away, she had also decided to one day return.
Paul didn't say anything further and she really didn't expect him to. She was surprised he went so far as to even ask her those questions, considering how closed off he used to be. A glance at his downturned gaze spoke of bitterness - of anger.
The waves washed against the shore, the sound of their movement the only thing breaking the silence. It felt tense as Leah waited outside the storm that was inside Paul. His face was tight and everything about him seemed angry and ready for a fight. She began to understand Paul a little more just then, about why he was so angry with everyone and why he was so angry with the world.
He was trapped, just as she had been. Trapped in a way that was both similar, and different, to herself. The confines of his life were bars crafted inside his very own head, as inescapable as her own once were.
Leah didn't want him to be angry anymore than she wanted it for herself. There was so much pain in anger. She couldn't help but relate to him in a way she couldn't anyone else and she found that she didn't have it in her to want anyone to suffer in the same way she had.
"Hey," the she-wolf blurted, trying to force a crook of a smile out. "I wanna jump again."
Paul didn't seem to be in the mood as he cast her a dark look. "Go on up and do it, then."
"Come with me," she urged.
"I'm not in the mood," he argued.
"But-"
"Not now," he barked.
His harsh words stung, but it wasn't the worst she had heard from Paul. It was like throwing a pebble at her when all she'd felt were stones.
"Fine," she shrugged, brushing off his sour attitude. Leah stood up, not sparing Paul another look. She started walking away, letting out a sigh. "It's probably better you don't come, I think I'm going to go skinny dipping this time anyway," she said nonchalantly, her voice just barely carrying in the wind.
She heard feet scuffling against the sand and Paul jogged to catch up with her.
She had to stop herself from chuckling at the sudden eagerness in his tone.
"Oh, yeah? Maybe, I will come with you."
She smirked. "Oh, yeah?" she countered back, feeling brave. "Are you just coming to watch - or are you going to participate?"
He sucked in a breath. "Damn, what's gotten into you, Clearwater," he said in a low, husky voice.
His question caught her off guard. She wasn't entirely sure how to answer. She was just trying to cheer him up, wasn't she? But Leah couldn't deny she was getting excited at the idea. Not that they hadn't been naked together before, but that was a different time - a time where a man was as appealing to her as a vampire.
"I guess you'll have to wait and see," she finally ended up saying, not entirely sure where she was going with this herself.
An audible sound echoed loud and warning from the distance. It bounced off the trees and sent goosebumps all over her body. The warbled cry eventually died off, breaking in pitch.
A howl.
Without her consent, her body jerked forward and she stiffened. She had to fight every instinct to phase and answer the call. The tips of her fingers trembled and her heart pounded.
"Shit," Paul growled. "Just at the fucking perfect time, of course. There hasn't been shit in months, and just as fucking soon as…" his words trailed off as he started jogging for the forest. "I'm taking a goddamn raincheck, don't you forget," he yelled out to her as he disappeared into the forest.
Watching his retreating form, running to answer the call, made her relax a little. She allowed herself a faint smile.
Her pulse was still pounding too fast and hard, adrenaline rushing through her veins. She breathed deeply, counting each and every breath.
Leah reminded herself that she had been gone for years and no one had gotten hurt or killed in that time.
They didn't need her for this. She needed to not be needed for this. This was what she wanted - no, it was what she needed. She needed a normal life.
The wolf in her begged to be let loose and join the hunt, but the human part of her wasn't ready for that. She wasn't ready for all of the pack thoughts and the complete lack of privacy and for Sam to once again be a constant aspect of her life.
Leah wanted freedom. She wanted sanity. She wanted to be okay. She didn't want to return to what had kept her from moving on in the first place.
It was better this way.
She climbed back up to the top of the cliff to retrieve her clothing. She wanted to be home as soon as possible. If her mother and Seth were there, she wanted to protect them. She may not have a responsibility to the pack anymore, but she still had one to her family. If she had to fight - If she had to phase - to protect them - she would.
If she had to phase to protect anyone, really, she would.
Leah was confident she wouldn't have to do that. After all, her brothers could handle this. They had protected the tribe after she left, even before she had joined.
Still, she couldn't help but wonder. The howl could be another threat, as large as any of the dangerous armies they'd faced before. It could simply be a stray vampire who happened to wander into the wrong area.
It could be anything.
Leah would have to be okay with not knowing.
She slipped on her clothes with shaky hands. With a deep breath, she took off in a sprint back in the direction of her house.
It would be fine. Everything would be fine.
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Leah frantically packed a bag. She wouldn't go back to Sam's pack. She couldn't.
There had been a huge sigh of relief when everything with the Volturi was over. After all the stray vampires had left the vicinity, she finally felt it was safe to go home again, hopefully never to return to the Cullen's putrid smelling land.
Just when she finally felt that everything was finally going to be alright, that was when Jake had broken the news to her.
They were leaving.
He was dissolving the pack and taking off with the Cullen's and Nessie. She and Seth had nowhere to go but back to Sam. She begged, pleaded, to go with him. If he would please, please, just let her be his second in command for a little while longer. Only her - Seth would stay.
He was too young. He was still only a child.
But Jake refused her.
He'd never wanted to be a leader. It may have been in his blood to do so, but he had never wanted to be responsible for commanding anyone.
Jacob wanted to be in his own head, without anyone there. He wanted to be free and be private with Nessie and her family. Leah understood, she really did. But she didn't want this.
She was selfish. So was he. Leah wanted to have a choice. He wanted to have one as well. But were either of them really at fault for wanting those things, even at the cost of stealing it from another?
All they wanted was their freedom, unbound to anyone else. It really couldn't be selfish of them to simply want what every other person in the world did - to be free.
She hadn't cried, but it had been damn hard not too. Instead, she hugged her packmate and wished him the best of luck with his life. She thanked him for her time with him - for being brothers in arms and fighting alongside one another. He'd given her a brief escape from Sam, a chance to have some peace in one of the most unpeaceful times in their lives.
She managed to come home without running into any wolves. As soon as she stepped foot into her house, memories of her parents and memories of Sam came crashing down on her.
Leah packed as quickly as she could. She needed to get out before anyone knew she was here. Before Jake told Seth and before anyone came to find her, she needed to be gone.
She wouldn't go back to Sam.
She had almost finished loading everything into a bulging duffel bag when someone entered the house.
Leah froze.
It was her mother.
She didn't move.
She didn't know if she had the stomach for goodbyes. She didn't know if she would have the stomach to leave if Sue tried to stop her.
Leah ran down the stairs, the bag slung across her shoulder. She stopped at the bottom of the steps, seeing her mother standing in the foyer.
Sue took one look at her and said, "You're leaving."
The words were emotionless, matter of fact.
"I have too." Leah's voice cracked.
Sue closed her eyes, taking a deep breath.
"I know."
Finally, a tear trailed down Leah's cheek. She rushed to hug her mother. Tight, but not too tight. She knew she was strong, but she wanted to clutch onto her as hard as she could and try to remember what it felt like to be in her mother's embrace.
After they released each other, Sue walked into the kitchen. She reached up onto the top of the fridge and retrieved a small, well hidden, cardboard box. From it, she pulled out a large stack of cash.
She walked up to Leah.
"It's not much, but take it," she urged, holding out the money.
Leah shook her head. "I don't want any money, mom."
Sue was so strong, but she looked as if she might cry. It would be the first time her mother cried since Harry had died.
"I know, honey. But take it. I want you to take it. I want you to be happy again."
Leah hesitantly accepted the money. The weight of it felt wrong in her hand, but still she unzipped her bag and carefully put it in.
She hugged her mother one last time.
"Now go, before Sam or the Council knows that you've gone. I don't want them to stop you. Don't phase. Don't turn back," she advised. A hand landed on the she-wolf's back. "Please, call me when you can and let me know you're safe."
Leah did her best to smile at her mom as she held back tears. "I love you."
"I love you too, Leah."
"Goodbye, mom." With those words, she left. She ran as fast as her feet would take her.
She left - running as far as she could get away from the only home that she'd ever known.
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There will be some more backstories soon, explaining where Leah went and what she did while she was gone. There might also be a few chapters from Paul's perspective, but we'll see when I write that. I haven't quite gotten inside his head yet and I don't want to put anything out that I don't feel is my best effort.
What was the howl for? Who was it? What was it for?
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! And please, if you did, go ahead and favorite, follow, and/or review. Thanks for reading!
