Chapter 2: Rogueport
Waves lapping against the sides of a ship. The hum of a motor vibrating. The cries of seagulls circling above. These were all part of a bizarre dream that Matthew was having. A dream - it was the only thing that made sense; after all, he had never been on a boat before nor had he gone anywhere near the sea. The closest he had ever gotten to either of them was in front of the television, only this came with the added experiences of the ship floor vibrating beneath his back and the salty smell of seawater. Since a television couldn't do that, the only explanation was that this was a dream - or his parents had decided, while he was asleep, to surprise him with an ocean cruise just because.
"Excuse me… Sir?"
Nah, it was a dream. That wasn't his parents' voice. And they had never called him "sir" before except that one time when he had gotten in really big trouble.
"Please wake up, sir!"
Wake up? That was a strange thing to ask inside a dream. But then again this was a dream. Strange was normal here.
"We will be arriving at your destination shortly, sir!"
Matthew opened his eyes to find himself looking up into a brilliant blue sky dappled with marshmallow clouds. He sat up and then looked out to the port that was approaching. It looked rather ramshackle and as they got closer he could smell unpleasant things like fish, sweat, and a sharp odor that Matthew didn't dare name. Despite its appearance - and smell - it looked like a bustling town. And somehow it gave Matthew a tingling feeling in his stomach… a feeling of excitement. This shoddy, little port that smelled like dead fish held a promise for Matthew: the promise of adventure.
Said the captain as the boat pulled up to one of the docks, "Let me be the first to welcome you to Rogueport, sir." He added in an undertone, "And perhaps the last." He continued in a normal voice, "You are disembarking here, aren't you, sir?"
Matthew pondered the question. Was he disembarking here? After all, he was stepping out into completely unfamiliar territory - potentially dangerous. Who knew what was waiting for him out there? It might be safer to stay on the boat and go back…
Go back where? Back home? Where exactly was home? Could the boat take him back there? He imagined asking the captain this and then realized how ridiculous this sounded. How was he going to explain where his home was? A little white house on the bend of a dirt road? Five miles from the local supermarket? Maybe if he knew the longitude and latitude, but he didn't. He had never bothered. He had never thought that he would suddenly wind up on a mysterious boat taking him to a place called Rogueport, but here he was.
The captain spoke after the long silence, "I… imagine you are familiar with the sordid tales of this port?"
Well, no. Matthew had just found himself on this ship suddenly. But maybe he had been talking to someone who had looked like him… or maybe he had been talking to someone and Matthew had replaced him… or maybe the captain had been talking to no one, thinking he had been talking to someone, and it just so happened that Matthew had landed on his ship just in time for him to see that he might have actually been talking to someone… this was all so confusing. He shook his head.
The captain must have thought that was his response to his question for he said, "Dozed off then, did you? To summarize, the characters here are the shadiest you'll find anywhere and are sure to rob you blind the first chance they get. Very dangerous place. If you'd like, sir, I can take you back to the Mushroom Kingdom."
The Mushroom Kingdom? Wait, wasn't that… no, it couldn't be… could it?
"Sir?"
Matthew gazed at the rickety docks - the wood weakened by the salty water and the constant tread of sailors moving cargo back and forth - deep in thought. The map had to be magical, he knew that for certain. The way it had glowed proved it. And it brought him here - it brought him to Rogueport for a reason. He had to find out why.
He turned to the captain. "I'm getting off here. Thanks for the ride."
The captain shrugged. "Don't say I didn't warn you."
Matthew stepped onto the dock. The captain immediately flipped his vessel around, almost like the page of a book, and chugged back out to the open waters, leaving the boy to fend for himself in the roughest port on the sea.
Still, Matthew was optimistic. As he passed burly Bob-ombs, whose tattoos warned you just how tough they were, he waved to them and called out in greeting. Their only response was to give him the odd stare, but he paid them no mind. Today was going to be a good day, he could feel it.
Then he heard a cry for help. A high-pitched, terrified scream that raised the hairs on the back of his neck. Taking no time to think, he dodged around crates until he came out into the loading bay. There he discovered what the ruckus was about.
It was a young she-Goomba. She wore a pith helmet and a tan neckerchief, which must have made her an adventurer of some sort. An archeologist, probably. She was backing away with a look of terror on her face, only she was getting herself into a corner with no way out. Matthew quickly turned to what was scaring her and he did a double-take.
He didn't recognize the Goomba's harasser - a group of strange characters who were round in shape and dressed entirely in white suits with red crosses over their bodies. Their heads were tucked into their bodies like turtles with only giant goggles visible. They certainly looked unusual but they were not all that large - barely bigger than the Goomba. The only one who looked to be real trouble was the one Matthew took to be their leader. He was as tall as three of them standing on top of each other and as wide as two of them together. His suit was purple rather than white and he wore a red cape, which fluttered impressively in the breeze.
Seeing that she was cornered, he jabbed a thick finger at her and said in a thick voice that sounded like he had a cold, "End of the line, girly. Now there's two ways this can go. You can tell us what we want to know, or we can get real rough on ya. So what's it gonna be?"
The Goomba yelled at him, "Don't touch me, creep! I know tai kwon do! I'm warning you!"
"Buh. Buh huh huh!" her harasser laughed. "I know you probably can't count, so I'll make it easy for you. There's lots of us and only one of you. You're outnumbered and outsmarted. This is your last chance to surrender."
"Get stuffed!"
"Okay then, you asked for it," said the harasser. He turned to his squad. "Boys, get her!"
The squad charged forward and the Goomba screamed, no doubt thinking that her time had come. But then Matthew appeared, startling the Goomba dumb and stopping the squad in their tracks.
"Buh huh?" gasped their leader. He thrust his finger at Matthew, "Who are you?"
Matthew drew himself up to his full height. "You can call my name is Matthew. I'm going to have to ask you to get through me because I won't let you!"
These were the courageous words uttered by this rather ordinary boy. Truth be told, he hadn't been entirely prepared with his speech, so it was understandable that the strange character was scratching his head in bewilderment. The Goomba, too, gave him a slack-jawed look as she tried to work out his turn of phrase.
Matthew's words may not have made much sense, but eventually the leader of the squad got the gist for he said, "Look, pal, this is personal business between us and that little toadstool there. You sure you want to get in the way? 'Cause I promise you, you're going to get hurt."
Matthew put up his fists the way he had seen boxers do it in old cartoons and cried defiantly, "Bring it!"
The thug laughed. "Buh huh huh! All right, you asked for it!" Then he charged forward with a roar, "Raaaaagh!"
It was an intense battle lasting well over three seconds, but soon the victor threw his hands into the air triumphantly while Matthew tumbled across the docks, knocking over dock workers like bowling pins. He soon crashed into a crate, shattering it. White packing peanuts spilled over him while he was knocked on the head by giant, green pipes and a wooden mallet that someone had carelessly left on the crate.
"Buh huh huh! That's what you get for messing with Lord Crump!" The big brute flexed his arms. Then he turned back to the Goomba. "All right, now. Do we still need to get rough with you, or are you going to give us what we want?"
"I already told you, I can't help you! I don't have it, and I don't know where it is!"
The strange character named Lord Crump did not seem happy with this response. He stomped his foot and then said, "Well then, we'll just take you with us until you do know! Boys!"
The Goomba plastered herself against the corner of the stack of crates as the thugs closed in on her. She cast her eyes about, silently pleading with the workers to help her, but they simply ignored her as they hauled their cargo in and out of the port. The only person who had tried to help her had only wound up tossed aside like a sack of old potatoes. It was a dire situation for sure. There was no way out. Soon she would be taken away to who knows where and that would be it.
The thugs in white grabbed her. She screamed even though she knew it was pointless. No one was coming to her rescue.
But she was wrong about that, for suddenly the stranger who had been so unceremoniously brushed aside came charging back, swinging a large hammer and yelling a battle cry. The brute, Lord Crump, swiveled around with a confused, "Buh huh?" only to receive a solid "whump" to his belly. He doubled over with a howl of pain, causing his minions to release the Goomba and hurry to him.
"Are you all right, sir?" they asked, all reaching in to help him.
He angrily swatted them away, steam jetting out his ears. He yelled, "Why, that dirty Mowzer! He got me right in the gut! That lowdown piece of sodsniffer! I'll show him not to mess with Lord Crump!"
Meanwhile, Matthew turned to the Goomba and asked her, "Are you all right?"
She bobbed her head, her mouth agape. Then she gasped, "Look out!"
Matthew spun around and saw the big thug coming for him. He swung his hammer but it was too soon, and Lord Crump grabbed his wrist and lifted him into the air. He drew back his fist and yelled, "You're in for it now!"
"You leave him alone!" the Goomba yelled and headbutted him in the gut again. He doubled over with an "oof!"
One of his minions waved a finger at her. "Hey, that's two against one! You're not playing fair! Come on, guys! Let's get 'em!" Then, with a synchronized yell, they all leaped into the fray.
They became a blur of fists and boots, and a cacophony of grunts and yelps, and yet not one of the dock workers stepped in to put a stop to it. Teeth and scraps of cloth flew into the air, which someone grumbled he would have to clean up afterwards. Then a round character bounced across the pier and splashed into the bay, getting a Bob-omb wet.
Then the Goomba girl scurried out from the scuffle. She paused for a moment to give a sharp whistle and a hissed, "Hey! You coming?" A moment later, Matthew scrambled out of the fray on his hands and knees toward her.
She jerked her head inland, hissed, "Let's get out of here before those bozos realize we're gone! Come on!" and scurried out of there. Matthew clambered to his feet and hurried after her. Before any of the thugs realized it, the two of them were gone.
