Chapter 11: Princess Peach and TEC

Far, far away in a barren land of white rock and deep craters was a mighty fortress of glass and steel – an impenetrable bastion well equipped to repulse intruders with its twelve-inch thick walls, many laser turrets, and steel gates that opened only to those with proper identification. On top of that, a giant glass dome encased it with only one entrance vigilantly guarded by an unseen sentry.

Deep within the fortress itself, down many twisting corridors, its walls riddled with pipes, wires, blinking lights and automated doors was the holding cell where the princess was kept. The walls were dull gray steel and the only adornments they had were the wires and pipes running along them. The room was lit by glass panels in the ceiling, which was distinctly artificial – no warmth at all. There was only one piece of furniture in the room and that was the steel cot padded lightly with a foam mat and dressed with a single pillow and a cotton blanket. This was definitely a prison.

Princess Peach sat at the edge of the cot, gazing bleakly at her furnishings. She had tried to keep herself positive since she had been put in here three days ago. The room was of decent size and there was even a separate shower room off to the side, but the lack of warmth had gradually dragged her spirits down.

She sighed, "Well, it seems I've really landed myself in a sticky situation, this time. Kidnapped again, taken to who-knows-where, with no one to keep me company. At least, with Bowser I was relatively comfortable."

She thought back to the first day when she had been brought here by the strange, round characters in the funny suits. She had been blindfolded most of the way and when they did take her blindfold off she was in a place so alien it left her speechless. A great room made completely out of metal tile except for an aisle that lit up one panel at a time as they made their way forward toward a blocky construction riddled with blinking lights that she thought might have been a throne, especially seeing that there was someone sitting in it.

They stopped before the person in the throne. Her captors on either side of her crossed their arms over their chests in salute and the one on her left declared, "We have brought the girl as you commanded, Sir Grodus."

"So I see," said Sir Grodus. His voice came out oddly – a sort of metallic vibration layered over a harsh voice – perhaps because he was a machine himself. His head was made of glass with gears, pistons, and lights clicking away inside. Thick goggles served as his eyes. The bulk of his body was swathed in a thick purple cloak. In his hand, he carried a scepter with a glass ball at its head containing more gears, pistons, and lights. He stood up from the throne and approached the princess.

"Tell me where it is," he sneered at her.

She looked away and asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Do not play games with me!" he snapped, striking his scepter on the ground. Princess Peach flinched. "I do not tolerate idiocy!"

"Really, I don't know what you're talking about!" she cried.

"The map, you stupid girl! I'm talking about the map! Where is it?"

The princess was flustered. She had never encountered anyone so harsh before. "What map? What do you want with it?"

Sir Grodus swooped around her and thrust his scepter beneath her chin. He said with barely controlled rage, "If you value your life you will tell me where that map is."

She could only wonder why he would want the map so badly. Where exactly did it lead and what would happen if he got his hands on it?

She said bravely, "You can do what you want with me, but I won't answer you until you tell me why you want it so badly. Where does it lead?"

"Hmph!" snorted Sir Grodus. He took a step back and glowered at her. "You think you're brave, girl? You will soon see that I am not to be trifled with. Maybe you don't fear for your safety, but what about your friends?"

"What?"

"TEC!" Sir Grodus barked, glancing up at the ceiling. "Do we have an X-naut in position?"

"Affirmative, sir," replied an electronic voice.

"Bring up the image. I want the girl to see him."

Seemingly from out of the air itself, a window flickered into existence. On its surface, she saw the house of the old Goomba professor who had taken her in after she had been attacked. Through the window of the house, she could see the professor pacing in front of the window – no doubt worried sick for her and waiting for her to return. She gasped in alarm.

Sir Grodus's voice was dangerously low, "One word from me and the old Goomba will meet a most unpleasant end if you do not tell me where the map is… NOW!"

"All right! All right! I'll tell you! Just don't hurt him!" the princess cried, "I sent it through the mail to the Mushroom Kingdom!"

"Where is it?"

"Across the sea! I sent it to Mario's address!"

Sir Grodus whipped around and addressed one of his cronies, "Go to the post office and find that address. I want you to find that map before it reaches that fool; otherwise, he must be exterminated."

Princess Peach gasped. "No! How could you, you… you heartless monster!"

Sir Grodus thrust his scepter at her threateningly. "SILENCE! You have provided me with the information I need, so there is no reason for you to speak further! X-nauts!" He slammed his scepter against the ground, bringing them to full attention. "I want you to take her to the holding cell. And make sure that she is properly fed and cared for. We will need her later on."

"Yes, sir!" they cried, and immediately they escorted her from the room and down the twisting corridors into strange rooms where they came in from one set of hallways and came out again into different ones though it always seemed to be downward they were going, until at last they came to the holding cell, and there she stayed for three days.

She sniffed. "Oh, I do hope Mario's okay. If those horrible things haven't gotten to the map before he… oh!" She broke into tears. "Oh, Mario! I'm so frightened! I don't know what to do! I wish… oh, I wish I… c-could see you… again!"

Then she heard the hiss of her cell door sliding open. "Oh!" she exclaimed and hurriedly wiped her eyes. She hadn't realized it was time for her meal and she didn't want her captors to see her crying.

But no one came through the door. The hall beyond was empty.

"H-hello?" she hiccupped and sniffed. "Is… is anyone there?" She approached the door and looked out into the hall, but it was too dark to see clearly.

"Oh!" she cried again when the lights clunked on, lighting up the hallway. She cautiously ventured out, half expecting a guard to jump out and shoo her back into her cell, but still the hall remained empty.

"I wonder what's going on?" she said softly to herself. She took several steps forward and paused. Then after building up her courage, she took a few more steps forward.

She gasped as the door hissed shut behind her and then the light directly above her clunked off. The lights ahead of her remained on as though to beckon her forward.

"Guess there's no other choice now," she murmured to herself. "The only way is forward."

Her heart fluttering nervously, she started walking. As she did, the lights behind her shut off, preventing her from seeing her way back while ahead of her light after light turned on, guiding her way.

"Hmm…" she murmured. "It seems as if I'm being guided somewhere. Could someone be helping me to escape?"

Bolstered by this thought, she quickened her pace. The lights behind her began turning off faster, prompting her to move faster, until it was as though she was being chased by the darkness. Now she ran through the corridors, following the lights as they twisted around corners and down stairs.

Until at last, she ran into a room sparkling with multicolored lights that beeped and clicked like a chorus of noisy, mechanical crickets. She came to a stop, gasping for breath, as she realized with despair that she had run into a dead end.

Then an electronic voice spoke, "The subject has arrived. Let us begin."

The princess gasped, "Wha-? Who's there?"

The electronic voice answered, "My designation number is TEC-XX004793. To save time, many call me simply TEC. I am the central computer that controls the operations of this entire facility."

"TEC…" She gasped in recognition, "You're the one who was spying on Professor Frankly!"

"The aged Goomba, correct."

"What do you want from me?"

"One of my primary functions is to gather data. Your capture is an opportunity for me to compile a database on the human species. I have much data concerning the traits and behaviors of your species, but now it can all be confirmed by primary sources. That is the reason why I led you here."

"So you're saying that you want to know more about us humans?" she asked suspiciously. "Why?"

"One of my primary functions is to gather data," TEC responded. "That is the reason I was created."

"And what makes you think I would help you 'gather data' on us humans?" she said, frowning and crossing her arms.

Lights flickered on, drawing her attention to a wall covered in windows, which all began to depict the same scene: Professor Frankly at the window of his house, scribbling in a book. TEC answered her, "If you do not comply, the aged Goomba you call Professor Frankly will suffer."

"Oh, you horrible machine!" She burst into tears. "Why can't you people just leave him alone?" She dropped to her knees as she sobbed.

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC said, "This response is unusual. My data shows threatening the safety of close companions yields desirable results at 100%. Adjusting success rate to 98.48%." After a second of whirring, a cheerful "ping!" resounded in the room. Then TEC spoke, "You are crying, correct?"

"Wha-?" Princess Peach looked up in astonishment.

"Humans are unique in their ability to create an excess of saline fluid called tears from 'tear glands' located above their eyes, resulting in the phenomenon known as crying. This is usually the result of pain, distress or happiness. Are you happy?"

"Wha- NO, I'M NOT HAPPY!" she burst out in frustration. "I couldn't be further from 'happy'! I've been taken against my will, treated like an animal, had threats made on my friends, and now I've got some computer who wants me to tell him about us humans!" She hissed through her teeth as she fought to bring her temper under control.

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC spoke, "How unusual. The increase in your volume appears to be affecting my processors the same way as when Sir Grodus speaks at full volume. This merits further investigation. You will help me in this."

"And what makes you think I'll help you?" demanded the princess. "You can't just bully me around and expect me to do everything you demand."

"But it is imperative that I have the most current and accurate data, and as a primary source you are invaluable to this end," said TEC. Princess Peach could almost swear there was a tone of desperation in the electronic voice. "There must be a way to enlist your cooperation. Perhaps an exchange?"

"An exchange?" said Princess Peach suspiciously. "Like what?"

"What do you desire?"

Princess Peach thought about it for two seconds. "To escape from here."

TEC replied immediately, "Out of the question. That is expressly forbidden by Sir Grodus. Is there anything else you would be willing to offer your cooperation for?"

She thought about it for a little longer. At last, she said, "Well... maybe if there was a way to send a message to my friends and let them know I'm all right. Your thugs took my Mailbox SP..."

"That can be arranged," TEC interrupted. "I am equipped to send messages to any electronic mailbox. Simply give me the recipient, the mailbox ID number, and the message to be sent. I will warn you, however, that I will be screening your message to ensure no sensitive information is being sent, even if it is coded."

Princess Peach said in surprise, "Uh… oh! Well, I don't know the mailbox ID number… what is that exactly?"

"If you do not know the number, I can simply scan your device for any recent contacts. I will do that now."

The princess wasn't entirely sure what TEC had just said but a fluttering in her heart told her that maybe, just maybe, this machine was going to help her, so she kept quiet while he, uh, "scanned her device," whatever that meant.

There was a "ping!" and then TEC said, "Scan complete. Found one message sent five days ago to MSP002977. Is this the correct ID number?"

"I, uh, don't know, exactly…" She blushed, feeling foolish.

"Did you send the message: Dear Mario, I got this from the post office in this quaint, little town called Rogueport…"

"Yes, yes, that's the one!" Princess Peach cried excitedly. "Are you saying that you can send messages to that Mailbox SP? The one I got for Mario?"

"That is correct. I will assume your recipient is Mario. What is your message?"

"Well, tell him… tell him…" The princess was so overwhelmed with joy that she couldn't really think of what to say. Then she said, "Oh! Please write this message down for me…"

,,,

"Hey, don't mess up, now, Matthew!" Goombella called.

Matthew ignored her as he tried to concentrate his aim on the pins down the aisle. He had only played bowling once or twice before, and this game was even trickier since the aisle zigzagged, requiring him to bounce the shell off the walls to make a strike. But as he wound up for the toss, there was a vibration in his pocket and a loud jingle, startling him. The shell overshot the walls of the aisle and went zooming off into the fields.

"Oops, sorry!" Matthew cried as the Koopas went charging after it. "I was distracted… what is that?" He reached into his pocket for the vibrating item and pulled it out.

"Whoa, hey, that's the Mailbox SP Professor Frankly gave to us," Goombella said, scuttling up next to him. "You got a message?"

Matthew popped the screen open and the vibration and jingling stopped. He looked at the screen for a moment and then he cried excitedly, "Hey, I think it's a message from Princess Peach!"

"R-really?" Koops stuttered. "What's it say?"

"Yeah, don't keep us hanging!" Goombella agreed.

So Matthew read the message out loud, "Dear Mario, I hope this message finds you well. As you can expect, I have been captured again, but this time by a group calling themselves the X-nauts. I must warn you, they're not like Bowser. They're extremely dangerous. They want the map I sent to you and will stop at nothing to get it, so please be very careful. Don't worry about me. Their leader, Sir Grodus, is cruel, but he has specifically ordered me not to be harmed, so it appears I'm not in any immediate danger. I don't know where I am and I'm not allowed to tell you even if I did, but I have faith that you will find me. I look forward to seeing you soon. Love, Princess Peach."

"Oh, that's awful!" Koops exclaimed when Matthew finished. "I can only imagine how scared I'd be if I was being held prisoner by a bunch of dangerous people like that."

"At least, they don't want her harmed," Goombella said. "So that's good news."

"Yeah," replied Matthew. "I wonder why?" He pondered this question.

Then Goombella spoke, "You should probably write back so that she knows we got the message. I'm sure it'll pick her spirits up. But don't tell her it's us. Let her think it's Mario."

"What?" both Koops and Matthew exclaimed. Then Matthew asked, "Why?"

Goombella explained, "Well, think about it! She's counting on Mario. It's what's giving her hope. If she found out that it's just a bunch of random strangers coming to her rescue, she might give in to despair!"

"But that's lying!" Matthew protested. "And lying's bad, even if it's for a good cause."

"Matthew," said Goombella in a patronizing tone, "if a girl asks you if her dress makes her look fat, would you tell her the truth?"

"Well, it would depend," Matthew replied.

"You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"

"So what if I don't? I'm still not going to lie to her."

"So then you're going to crush her spirits instead?"

"I'll just tell her how we beat a dragon! After all, if we can beat a dragon, we can handle those goons right?"

"You got beaten the last time you tried to take them on! And it wasn't even us who beat the dragon!"

"Um, guys?" Koops interrupted. "I think the princess might be waiting for you to write back."

"Here, give it to me," said Goombella and hopped for the Mailbox SP. Matthew snatched it out of reach at the last second. She snarled, "Give it to me, Matthew!"

"I'll just write it," said Matthew and began tapping out a message.

"Give it to me, you little twerp!" Goombella leaped onto his back, causing him to stagger.

"Hey!" he protested.

"Give it to me!"

"Get off of me!"

"Guys!" cried Koops.

Princess Peach sighed. "Oh, I hope he gets the message."

TEC answered, "The message has been sent. If he has the device, he should send a reply soon."

"Really?" said the princess in surprise. "How soon?"

"Within seconds," TEC replied.

"Oh my!" gasped Peach in astonishment. "That is fast!"

"But of course. Have you never exchanged electronic messages before?"

"I… well, no."

"That is unusual. According to the database I've collected on your species, this technology has been available for thirty-three years, and by my analysis, you aren't…" TEC paused with a whirr and a click. Then he spoke, "Incoming message."

Princess Peach excitedly placed her hands on the window. "Is it from Mario?"

There was a "ping" and then an envelope appeared on the window for a second. Then it blew up into a letter. "Oh!" the princess cried and quickly read the message.

Dear Princess Peach,

We're glad to hear that you're okay. We do have some bad news though. Mario isn't with us and we don't know where he is. We've sent a message to try to reach him but haven't had any luck. Don't worry though, we're doing everything we can to get you back. Matthew has the map you sent to Mario—

"Oh!" she cried in alarm.

"Matthew has the map," TEC repeated. "Sir Grodus will be pleased with this information."

"Please don't tell him!" Princess Peach pleaded. "He'll hurt him!"

"This information is necessary for Sir Grodus to achieve his aim," said TEC. "However, if Matthew surrenders the map, there is a 48.3% chance that he will be unharmed."

"Is… is that a good chance?"

"48.3 is less than half," TEC answered her. "However, refusing to yield the map will result in a 98.8% chance that he will be hurt or killed. Between the two, surrendering the map is the better option."

"Can I send another message to him?" the princess pleaded. "I don't want him to get hurt because of me."

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC replied, "That is an excellent suggestion. Persuasion from a close companion can significantly expedite a desirable result. What is your message?"

"I sent the message. You two can s-stop fighting now," Koops said, waggling the Mailbox SP at them.

"So what'd you tell her?" Goombella asked, giving Matthew one last kick. She wound up kicking the bottom of his shoe, which dampened the force a bit, so it didn't hurt the young man much. "You didn't tell her we're not Mario, did you?"

Koops avoided eye contact with her. "Uh… I said…"

Goombella exploded, "YOU TOLD HER? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

Koops raised an arm defensively. "H-hey now! Wh-what I said was…" He was distracted when the Mailbox SP jingled. "Oh! The princess responded! I-I'll read it now…"

Dear friends,

I'm terribly sorry that I got you mixed up in this. Please don't do anything reckless! I beg of you to take the map and surrender it to the X-nauts immediately before you are hurt or worse, and do not interfere with their designs…

"Huh?" Koops paused in his reading. "That s-sounds a little…" He scratched the back of his head.

"Not like Princess Peach?" Matthew offered.

"Yeah, you're right," said Goombella. "That last bit didn't sound like the princess at all." Then she gasped, "Do you think someone's forcing her to write this?"

"I'd be willing to bet both of my curses on it," Matthew answered. He turned to their Koopa companion. "Hey, Koops. Write them back and let them know…"

"You changed my message!" Princess Peach snapped, stomping her foot in frustration.

"I edited it to achieve optimal results," TEC responded. "You wanted them to be safe, correct?"

"You turned it into a demand! Don't you know anything about compassion?"

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC spoke, "Compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for one beset by misfortune, accompanied by a desire to alleviate the suffering." There was another whirr and a click and then he said, "There appears to be an error in context. Sympathy and sorrow are not tactile but states of being that are triggered by particular conditions, which can either expedite or hinder desired results."

"I'm not sure what you just said, but I think you're missing the point!" she cried. "How would you feel if someone made demands on you?"

TEC deadpanned, "I cannot feel. I am not equipped with sensors designed for tactile evaluation…" He paused suddenly and then said, "Incoming message."

"What?"

The message popped onto the window. It read: Nice try, X-jerks. If you think we're just going to give you the map, then you've got another thing coming. We're not afraid of you and we're not going to rest until we take back Princess Peach.

And Princess Peach, if you're reading this, don't worry. We've got a plan. Just hang in there until we find you.

Your friends,

Koops, Goombella, and Matthew

The princess was touched by this but still couldn't help worrying about them. TEC spoke, "It appears your message was unsuccessful in persuading them. Could it be that they do not realize that their chance of successfully rescuing you is 0.0001 percent?"

"I assume those chances are low?"

"Incredibly so. That is one in ten thousand chances."

"Oh dear," said the princess, biting her lip nervously.

TEC said, "I will report this information to Sir Grodus later…"

Princess Peach interrupted him, placing her hands together in a pleading gesture. "Oh, please, don't! You want me to tell you about us humans? Just don't tell your ruler that Matthew has the map."

TEC responded. "Your demand goes against my primary directive."

"It's not a demand! I'm begging you, please, don't do it!"

"You are saying that if I do not report this information to Sir Grodus then you will give me all the information regarding humans that you possess. You are also implying that if I do report this information then you will not give me your information, correct?"

"Yes! Yes! Please don't tell your leader and I will tell you anything you want to know!"

There was a whirr and a click, and then TEC responded, "It is likely that without this information, Sir Grodus will discover Matthew's possession of the map by other means, and complying with your begging will make attaining data on humans more likely. Therefore, the logical course is to comply."

The princess lowered her hands. "Are you saying… you won't tell?"

"Correct. I will withhold this information from Sir Grodus, and you will tell me everything you know about humans. Is this satisfactory?"

She gasped with relief. "Oh, yes! Thank you! Thank you! But please, can we do this another time? This has been a rather exhausting day, and I feel tired."

There was a whirr and a click. Then TEC said, "Humans that are tired experience an impairment of their functions, including memory, which can be rectified by entering a period of inactivity known as sleep. I must have you at optimal condition to accurately update my database; therefore, I will wait until you have completed your sleep cycle." The door slid open, inviting the princess back to her cell.

"Oh, thank you, TEC," she said and then yawned. "Thank you for everything. I promise, when I'm rested, I'll tell you what I know."

"Sleep well, my human subject. I anticipate updating my files."

The princess glanced back. "Your human subject?" she said with as much indignation as her exhaustion allowed. "I have a name, you know."

Said TEC, "What is that name?"

She answered, "It's Peach. Princess Peach."

"Then that is what I will call you… Princess Peach. Sleep well."

She yawned, "Good night, TEC."

She left the room. The doors hissed closed behind her. Then data began flashing on the screens as TEC searched through his databases for information related to the terms, "Good night", "please", and "thank you." He wanted to be well prepared when Princess Peach returned to update his database on the habits and customs of humans.