Chapter 13: Punio of the Punies

The denizens of Petalburg were all too worn out the next morning to give their heroes a proper send-off. Only a small crowd bothered to show up. Even Mayor Kroop was taking a nap and had sent his delegate in his stead to officially thank them for their heroic deeds and to remind them that they were welcome anytime they wished to visit the burg again.

"Well, uh, tell Mayor Kroop we said, 'Thanks'," Matthew told him.

The delegate nodded. Then he said," Oh, and uh, if there's anything else that you need, just let us know. We'll be happy to get it for you."

Matthew nodded his thanks. "I think we're goo..."

Goombella kicked his shin. "The Crystal Star, remember?" she hissed. "The whole reason we came here?"

"Oh, right." Matthew grimaced. His shin was very tender now and hurt like fire every time the temperamental Goomba kicked it. He also noticed that her voice had been too low for anyone else but him to hear, so she was leaving him with the ungracious task of asking for a reward. He glanced at Koops's dad, who was near the front with his big arms crossed. Koops stood next to him. "I guess there is something you can do for us... well, see, we're trying to rescue Princess Peach..."

This sparked a collective groan from the crowd, all who expressed distaste for the villains who would do something so heinous to someone so widely loved. Matthew tried to regain their attention, but the crowd began expressing their confidence that Mario would rescue her and that there wasn't anything to worry about. Fortunately, Koops's dad noticed Matthew's expression and he said in his booming voice that instantly silenced everyone, "You say you need help?"

Matthew cringed at the sudden rush of attention but pressed on, "Well, we're trying to rescue the princess, but we don't know where she is. We might be able to find her if we find these things called the Crystal Stars."

"Ah! You mean like this?" He pulled out the little gem from his pocket, which began to sparkle enthusiastically, almost as if it could sense Matthew's excitement.

"Yes, yes, that's it!" He reached eagerly forward.

Koops's dad snatched it out of reach. "Now hold on there, bub. I can't just give this to you for free."

Matthew burned crimson as he retreated, realizing just how greedy he had looked just then. Goombella burst out, "What do you mean you can't just give it to us? We rescued you from the dragon!"

Koops's dad burst out laughing. "I was only kidding! The look on your face! Hoo boy! Priceless!" He tossed the star underhand, which trilled with an unnaturally musical sound like a bell. Matthew caught it and immediately felt a rush of warmth. The Crystal Star felt almost alive in his palm and it seemed to be winking at him in greeting.

"Use it wisely," said Koops's dad with a hearty laugh. "And if you need anything else, don't hesitate..."

"I have a request!" Koops suddenly rushed in. He blushed when everyone turned to him in surprise and he said, "I-I mean, I'd like to go with you, Matthew... if... if you don't mind, that is..."

Matthew was stunned for a moment and then started to give a shrug when Koopie Koo protested, "But you just got back from defeating the dragon! And now you want to leave again?"

Koops turned to her but couldn't quite meet her eyes as he explained while wringing his hands, "I owe Matthew more than I could ever repay him. He helped me rescue my dad. The least I can do is go with him to help rescue... the princess."

Koopie Koo opened her mouth to protest but her chance was blown when Koops's dad boomed out, "Well, Koops, if that's your decision, we won't stop you. Just know, son, that even if you change your mind, I couldn't be prouder of you."

The timid Koopa's eyes grew wide. "R-r-really? Wow. Thanks, Dad. That m-means a lot to me."

The two of them embraced. Matthew and Goombella waited patiently for Koops to say his farewells to his father, his girlfriend, and several of his childhood pals until at last he joined them with a sheepish smile and an apology for keeping them waiting. "So where do we go f-from here?" he asked, the old anxiety that comes from taking the first step in a big journey sparking his nervous tic.

"We go where the Crystal Star takes us," Matthew answered, holding up the little diamond gem. The expressions on his friends' faces reflected his own sudden nervousness at the thought of being taken to who-knows-where, but he couldn't back down now. Raising his voice determinedly, he commanded, "Crystal Star? Take us to where we can find Princess Peach."

The Crystal Star sparkled, growing brighter and brighter until with a flash they were gone.

...

"Gallopin' Gulpins! You kids nearly gave me a heart attack!" wheezed Professor Frankly, his whole body trembling. Pages were scattered in front of him like a leaf pile that someone had jumped into.

"Er, sorry about that," said Matthew. He glanced about the gloomy cavern and realized they were back in the underground city.

"Quite all right, quite all right," said the aged Goomba, gathering up his research notes. "Though it seems I'll be seeing double for a while now; you'll have to guide me back home."

Goombella gave a cry of concern. "Oh no! Professor! Quick, Koops hold up your fingers and ask him how many!"

Koops was perplexed by this strange situation and didn't respond immediately. The professor further complicated matters when he jumped and cried, "Did you just call him Koops? Wait, there's a Koopa in your company! So I wasn't seeing double after all!" After that, it became a tangled mess as everyone tried to make sense of each other's thoughts in order to get them all on the same page. Gradually, everyone got each other figured out and the adventurers filled the professor in on their adventures in Shhwonk Fortress and Hooktail Castle. By the end of the tale, Professor Frankly's mouth was agape.

"You beat a dragon, found a Crystal Star, and recruited another partner," summarized the aged Goomba, stupefied. "I'll be frank with you two - er, three - I didn't expect your quest to be so successful. We may just be able to pull off this rescue!"

"You bet we can!" crowed Goombella. "With my brains, Matthew's hardheadedness, and Koops's, er..."

Matthew wisely cut her off, "So what are you doing down here, Professor?"

"Why, research, of course!" He rustled his sheaf of papers. "I've done a search on the vault that the doors are set into and I've detected something rather interesting."

Goombella's curiosity was immediately piqued. "What is it, Professor?"

He adjusted his glasses importantly. "I'm not certain, yet, but I believe the vault isn't made of just stone. There seems to be another material embedded in the walls - of a type as of yet unfamiliar to me. After a bit of digging - in my personal library, I mean - I think I may have found the material that matches, but I want to be there to make certain. I was just on my way there now. Care to join me?"

"You betcha!" said Goombella excitedly at the same time that Matthew said, "Er, actually, we were hoping to find Princess Peach. I wished for the Crystal Star to take us to her, but... well, it just brought us here."

"Hrm..." said the old professor thoughtfully, studying the star-shaped gem Matthew held in his palm. None of them heard the mechanical whirr of gears as a pair of goggles zoomed in on the target that glittered in the dim light though not as vivaciously as when the young man had wished on it. It was as though it had exhausted its magic and was resting. Finally, Professor Frankly said, "Perhaps you just need more power. A couple more Crystal Stars and you can simply wish young Princess Peach back home."

"I... guess that makes sense," said Matthew, though now he had doubts. That was twice now these magical relics had failed him. "But, uh, how do I find the other ones?"

"How do you find them?" Professor Frankly repeated, surprised by the question. "Don't you still have that magical map?"

Matthew pulled it out and showed it to the professor. The professor hemmed and hawed at it for a moment and then concluded, "Let's try taking it to the Thousand-Year Door again. Maybe that will revitalize its power." Matthew hoped it would, though now he knew he needed to be frugal with the powers of the map and the Crystal Star.

The three of them trooped behind Professor Frankly as he led them back through the catacombs beneath the bridge of the old, forgotten city, unaware that they were being followed. Matthew marveled at the old Goomba's vaunted keen memory as he led them confidently along the path, seeing as he had only used the magical map once. He barely even glanced at the yawning black chest that was Matthew's first curse. Koops, who had never been here before, was understandably concerned as he whispered to Matthew, "Are we sure he's showing us the right way?" but Matthew assured him that they had taken this route before and were not going to be lost in these dark chambers.

Much sooner than Matthew and Goombella knew it, they were descending the stony throat that led to the giant underground cavern where the thousand-year door stood. Then they were wading through the water toward the doors, which were already beginning to glitter as they approached.

"I think they've been expecting you," said Professor Frankly.

Which sounded a bit creepy coming from the wizened Goomba, but Matthew quickly shook off the shudder. He pulled out the Crystal Star, which began winking excitedly as though the doors and it were old friends. He pulled out the map, too, which joined in on the magical merriment, its ink shimmering with many colors.

Though Matthew expected it this time, it was still disorienting when the map plucked him from the ground and lifted him into the air. The details of the map rose into a 3D ink illustration and then he was soaring over a forest of trees. The colors were inverted for some strange reason. He wondered if the map was somehow malfunctioning

Barely had he had the thought when he came upon a towering tree like a living skyscraper. He dipped toward the roots of the tree, where he could see an opening. Perhaps a faun named Mr. Tumnus lives inside, the young man thought before he plunged through, and down he went through vast tunnels filled with rushing water - at least, he assumed it was rushing water; the ink that illustrated it thrashed in disjointed moments, which made it look more like a nest of angry, forgetful worms - until he entered suddenly into a vast chamber filled with statues of strange hunched creatures with bobbing antennas on their foreheads. And in the center of the chamber...

And suddenly, Matthew was back in the underground city next to the thousand-year door. Koops was on him in a moment. "Are you a-all right?" he asked. Goombella popped in next to him and demanded, "What did you see? What did the map show you? Is it a tropical beach? Please tell me it's a tropical beach because I could use some sun and surf after that harrowing run-in with that dragon... on second thought, you know what? Never mind. I wouldn't mind where it is as long as there aren't any dragons involved... there aren't any dragons involved, is there?"

"Er-HEM!" Professor Frankly cleared his throat, successfully stemming the chatterbox Goomba's stream of consciousness. Then he turned to Matthew with a gesture that signified he wanted a look at the map. "May I?" he added for good measure.

Matthew passed over the map and the old professor perused it with a lot of murmuring under his breath until, at last, he announced, "Well, it appears the map wants you to go to the Boggly Woods now."

"The Boggly W-Woods?" Koops asked.

"That's right," confirmed Professor Frankly as he rolled up the map and handed it back to Matthew. "Never been there myself, but I've heard strange tales of those woods: a place made up of spirits, haunted by strange, pale creatures; a place so silent and still that even a pin couldn't break it..."

Koops spoke up, "D-Did you say... haunted?"

Goombella joined in, "Yeah, as in... g-ghosts?"

"Those are the rumors," Professor Frankly confirmed cheerfully. "But I'm sure you lot can handle a few spooks, right? You beat a dragon, after all."

"We can handle it," Matthew assured him although his stomach did a few somersaults in protest. He didn't hear the mechanical whirr of their stalker's goggles focusing on his youthful face.

Far, far away, on a barren, pockmarked plain, inside a glass fortress, Sir Grodus had watched the scene unfold with unfettered contempt.

"The Boggly Woods..." he growled under his breath. "That must be the 'Mario' that the princess spoke of." He sneered and then spat out, "Mario. Your quest for the Crystal Stars has gone on long enough." He clenched his fist over the glass orb of his staff. Then he barked, "TEC!"

"Yes, Sir Grodus."

"Summon the Shadow Sirens. I have a job for them."

"You intend to use them to intercept the boy with the map, correct?" said TEC. "There is an eighty-six percent chance that he will embark for the Boggly Woods. We already have a squadron of X-nauts deployed there. It would be a zero point six percent more efficient use of our resources to wait for the boy to reach the Boggly Woods and have Lord Crump and his squadron engage him."

"YOU DO NOT QUESTION ME! YOU DO AS I SAY!" screamed the tyrant, slamming his staff on the ground.

There were a whirr and a click, and then the computer answered, "Yes, Sir Grodus. I will summon the Shadow Sirens immediately."

Sir Grodus waited. Without warning, the lights dimmed as though a curtain had been drawn over them and the temperature dropped several degrees. Moisture beaded up on Sir Grodus's glass cranium as the gears and pistons whirred and clicked away inside.

Then from the darkness, an oily voice spoke, "You summoned us, Sire?" Before his throne, three shadowy forms arose.

The Shadow Sirens - a trio of sisters whose forms were composed of solidified shadow. If they had eyes, they were hidden beneath striped pointed caps with colors that differed for each sister. It was unknown where they came from or what their purpose was. All Sir Grodus knew about them was that one day on his path for conquest, they appeared and told him of a great treasure hidden in a little settlement called Rogueport and the stone keys he needed to open the door guarding it. It was Beldam who had approached him first, a stooped figure with a simpering voice. There was no telling their age, though as the leader of the trio, she was clearly the eldest. Sir Grodus could see she was a clever one and was very careful to remind her who was the cleverer.

The next in line was a stout shadow named Marilyn. She didn't speak often though the few times that she did showed she didn't have much rattling around in her thick skull. Instead, her talents resided in the muscle department. Any heavy lifting that needed to be done was done by her.

And finally, there was Vivian, the youngest sister. She showed an eagerness to please but her impetuousness often caused her to overstep her bounds. Fortunately, she had Beldam to check it for her. If there's anything these subordinates must learn, thought Sir Grodus, is that they are to be seen and not heard. Their impulses are a poison that detracts from their purpose, and that is to serve their masters.

Speaking of which: "How many times have I told you, Beldam, no grandstanding!" snapped Sir Grodus. "I don't have time to waste on your silly parlor tricks!"

The shadow before him snickered, "Our apologies, Sire. It's a force of habit that has served us well over millennia, you understand."

"Nevertheless, you will do as I say, or you will regret it!"

Beldam flinched and then answered more demurely, "As you wish."

"I wish for you to retrieve the map from a boy named Mario. How you do it, I do not care, so long as I have the map intact."

"Ooh!" cried Beldam gleefully. "You're saying the boy is ours to play with? Then perhaps I shall freeze his precious little fingers and toes until they fall off, hm?" She cackled and her sisters joined her.

"I could burn off the flesh from his bones," suggested Vivian and she giggled.

Marilyn clapped her large hands together. "BOOM!"

Sir Grodus growled, "I don't care what you do with him, BUT DO NOT LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO THAT MAP! I will have that and all the Crystal Stars. And once that treasure behind the door is mine..." he allowed himself a dark chuckle, "the entire world will be mine, too!"

Beldam snickered. "Rest assured, Sire, we won't let anything stand in your way of opening that door."

"Good," he said and then thrust out his finger in command. "Now go."

The three Shadow Sirens disappeared into the floor, giggling wickedly at the thought of how unpleasantly surprised Mario and his friends would be to meet them.

As for "Mario" (the name that Sir Grodus and the Shadow Sirens knew Matthew by due to a mistaken assumption), he was once again leading the way to the Boggly Woods through the labyrinthine ruins, using the magical map that the X-naut tyrant wanted so badly. Not a one of them were looking forward to traversing a haunted wood, and listening to Goombella conjuring up gruesome fates for the three of them made it all the more nerve-wracking.

"...wrapped up in a Pider's web 'til we can barely breathe, and then having it slowly drain the blood out of us. Ergh! You lose the feeling in your toes first, you know. A slow, creeping chill going up your body... but I think I would rather die by a Pider's bite than to fall into the clutches of the man-eating tree. That thing grabs you with these thorny roots that poke you all over your body and then squeezes the blood out of you like a ripe keel mango... but if there's one thing that I absolutely would not want to die by, it would be to be swallowed by a Piranha Plant... not only are you still alive while being slowly digested in its stomach acids, but the cramped space in its mouth means you can't even get comfortable! And those things have jaws of iron! ...But then again, they say anyone with the misfortune of encountering the Mad Singer of the Boggly Woods..."

"Are we close, M-Matthew?" Koops asked, eager to be free of the archaeologist's tales of terror.

"I hope so. But it's hard to tell distance with this map," he replied.

They continued on, Goombella's urban legends boring into their skulls with images of spectral dangers that held a whole new level of dread as compared to the dragon. At least with the dragon, they knew the worst of it was being burnt to a crisp. Ghosts, on the other hand, threatened your very spirit, your sanity, with an unpleasant afterlife.

In due time, they came across what appeared to be a garden park that had long since been overwhelmed by weeds, the fountain covered in so much ivy that it would take a fearless team of gardeners to rescue it. Matthew was leading the way, taking the relatively clear stone pathway when the trail on the map suddenly veered. It was so surprising to Matthew to see the ink moving that he came to a halt, causing Goombella and Koops to crash into him, and they all tumbled to the ground, with Matthew dropping the map.

"Wha.. what happened?" Koops stammered, rolling to his feet.

"I don't know," Matthew answered, pushing Goombella off of him. He grabbed the map and then pushed himself to his feet. "The map is acting really strange." He scanned it to locate their position and immediately found the squiggly line that marked their path... the line was literally squiggling.

"What the..." He twisted the map to see if this would fix it, as his suspicion that it was malfunctioning was only solidifying, yet still the golden line was twitching like a fish on a hook, bending in on itself, which seemed to suggest that the Boggly Woods was right in the center of the overrun park.

"And this is why I don't trust GPS's," he muttered to himself. He gave the map a shake and it responded with a flash, leaving him stunned.

"Whoa! Matthew! A-Are you okay?" Koops asked him.

"Yeah," he answered, blinking dazedly and shaking his head. "I don't think the stupid thing likes me very much."

"C-Can I take a look at it?"

"Be my guest," said Matthew and passed it on to him.

But as Koops began to study the map, Goombella hopped backward into them and hissed, "Guys! I think there's something in the grass over there!"

They held their breath. For a moment, there was no sound and Matthew was about to rebuke the archaeology student for getting them worked up over nothing when a tuft of grass suddenly shuddered.

"Eeep!" Goombella leaped backward, crashing into Koops and sending him onto the back of his shell. Her shrill scream seemed to be the trigger, for whatever it was that was hiding in the grass charged through it, leaving a trail of bent weeds in its wake.

For a moment, Matthew could only watch it bemusedly, wondering what exactly it was. Its path drifted toward the fountain until the fountain actually blocked it and then it veered in a new direction, which slowly curved around in a circle.

"Probably just a Gloomba," he concluded aloud. He moved over to his two companions, who were still tangled up on the ground. He heaved Koops to his feet and then snatched the map out of his hand before the heavy Koopa could give him a proper "thank you." "All right, guys," he said a little crossly, "let's keep going..." The golden line on the map was still tracing circles. Apparently, having Koops hold the map hadn't reset it like he'd hoped. The stupid thing was as hopelessly confused as the Gloomba in the grass...

"Hang on..." He gave the map a closer look and then glanced up at the bewildered Gloomba, and with each passing moment, he became more and more certain that the line on the map was the confused Gloomba. But why would the map be tracking its path?

Well, there was only one way to find out. So he pulled out his hammer and sidled cautiously into the grass. Then he called out, "Stop, whoever you are!"

"Eeeek!" cried the Gloomba in a high voice and began running faster.

"Stop or I'll smack you on the head with this hammer!"

"Leave me alone!" it yelled back. It sounded very young and scared, which gave Matthew pause for thought on how he was treating it.

He tried a different tack. "Just wait. I won't hurt you."

"I said, 'leave me alone'!" it cried.

Matthew groaned, "Oh, for crying out loud." Then he yelled for his companions, "Goombella! Koops! Surround him!"

Goombella was indignant that Matthew would tell her what to do and was letting him know that loudly, but Koops obediently hustled through the grass, chasing after the little escapee until he pounced on it and yelled, "I got it!" He came back up with his hands cupped together and approached his two companions, who were staring a little dumbfoundedly.

"What exactly did you get?" Goombella asked, eyeing his cupped hands.

Koops slowly pulled his hands apart. Sitting in the cup of his hand was a creature that none of them had ever seen before. A hunched, little, gray thing on four spindly legs with bulging eyes that were squished shut at the moment and a bobbing, little, green ball on the end of an antenna.

"YECH!" Goombella shrieked, leaping backward. "A bug!"

"Please, don't hurt me!" wailed the bug, trembling so hard it made Koops's hand shake.

"It's okay, little guy," said Koops reassuringly. "We won't hurt you... right?" He looked up at Matthew for confirmation.

"Um..." Matthew glanced at the map to see if it could tell him more about the thing they had caught, but it had once again gone silent, the golden line vanished. With a snort of disgust, he folded it and thrust it carelessly into his pocket.

"So, uh..." said Koops awkwardly, having received no answer. "What's your name, little guy?"

"What are you?" Goombella demanded.

"I'm P-P-P-P-Punio. My name's Punio. I'm a Puni."

Goombella's eyes bulged. "Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Hold on. You're a Puni and your name's Punio? Seriously? What, your parents couldn't think of a better name? What kind of names does the rest of you have? Punipher? Punelope?"

"I... I have a sister named Petuni," Punio offered helpfully.

The sassy Goomba's ponytail thrashed behind her as she shook her head, "Okay, seriously, how many names can you actually make from that? 'Cause I can only think of about ten of them and they're all just really bad."

"You're a Goomba whose name is Goombella," Matthew pointed out.

"And I'm a K-Koopa named Koops," Koops added.

"And what about you, Matthew?" she screeched indignantly. "What is your name supposed to be a pun of? Matthew the Doormat?"

"Oh, ha ha. Very funny."

But of course, Goombella wasn't finished. She had a lot to say about names based on the owner's race. Matthew tried his best to bring her back to the task at hand, but with little success. Koops and Punio watched the exchange bemusedly until at last the Puni asked the Koopa, "Do they always fight like this?"

"Well, Goombella can sometimes get a little carried away," Koops answered. "She's smart and all, but sometimes just doesn't know when to stop talking. But Matthew's actually a pretty, nice guy. Very brave, too. You should have seen him when we were up in the dragon's tower."

"You guys beat a dragon?" Punio's bulging eyes bulged out further.

Koops blushed. "Well, sorta... I mean we d-didn't exactly fight the dragon..."

Punio bounced excitedly in his palm. "Then maybe you can help us!"

"Help you with what?" asked Matthew, having given up on stopping Goombella's steam engine of thought.

Punio bounced harder than ever. "See, our tree's been taken over by some guy called Lord Chump and his goons. They captured a lot of my friends and put them in cages. I managed to get away but then I got lost in the woods and then fell into this strange tree trunk and somehow ended up here."

Goombella shook her head. "Whoa, wait, you said 'woods.' As in, the Boggly Woods?"

"Yes, yes!" Punio practically screamed with excitement. "Then you know how to get there? Please, you've got to help me get back there! And take back our tree!"

The three of them exchanged glances. Koops said, "W-well, we were going there anyway... and we ought to help out wh-wherever we can... it's the right thing to do... right?"

"Of course, it is," said Matthew, silently kicking himself for the rebellious thought that they had better things to do.

Goombella, having no such compunctions, said, "But first we ought to ask him if he knows where the Crystal Star is."

"The Crystal Star?" said Punio, his antenna twitching in thought. "I've never heard of it... but!" he added when he saw the group's face fall, "the Elder might know where it is. She's the oldest and wisest Puni in the Great Tree. She might know where it is!" He said this with such an air of desperation that Matthew was sure it was a lie to get them to go.

Nevertheless, he declared, "We may as well give it a shot. Who knows, maybe she does know."

Goombella groaned with disgust while Koops smiled in gratitude. Punio looked on the verge of crying with joy.

Matthew shrugged in response. Then he said, "But first, does anyone know how to get to the Boggly Woods?"