Chapter 15: Madam Flurrie and the Punies
"Madam Flurrie!" Punio cried in relief. He leaped out of Koops' hand and scurried to the Fwoosh who had just arrived.
"Oh, my dear, precious Punio, are you all right?" cried Madam Flurrie, scooping him up. She planted a wet kiss on the little bug and then cradled him to her cheek. "I just came to call when I came upon that DREADFUL iron door barring my way. 'Something is wrong!' I thought to myself, for there is no chance you darling Punies would construct something that cold to keep out friends such as myself, and as I searched for another way in, I heard my name on the breath of the wind and had to answer!" She gave a dramatic gasp as she draped an arm over her head in the archaic swooning fashion. When she recovered, she continued, "Now then, Punio, why don't you introduce me to your friends?"
Goombella and Koops gaped. They had never met anyone quite like Madam Flurrie before. She was a Fwoosh of considerable girth and presence to match. When she spoke, it was with unbridled passion that welled up from deep within her, which might at any time overwhelm her with all the emotions ever known, raw and potent. It was certainly enough to overwhelm the more demure Koops and Goombella.
The sassy archaeologist was determined to prove herself a match for the melodramatic Fwoosh though. She interrupted, "I'm Goombella, he's Koops. Look, we don't have time to stand around gabbing. We have a friend stuck in this vent here, and we were told that you can help, so get to helping."
If Madam Flurrie was offended by this curt command, she didn't show it. In fact, she responded quite appropriately, "Goodness me, you say your friend is stuck? Why how positively miserable! Well, come then. Show me where he is and I'll see what I can do."
They showed her the sealed vent and the wadded-up figure of Matthew inside, his feet pressing against the grate. At her inquiry, they explained about Matthew's curse and how they had been trying to use it to "slip inside" only to reach this impasse. When they finished, she exclaimed, "That is a rather extraordinary tale, and I must admire Matthew for his courage! Well, now, I simply cannot allow such bravery to be punished! Very well then, stand back."
So Koops and Goombella took a step back. Then they took several more steps back when they realized she wasn't just being overdramatic. As Madam Flurrie began to inhale, her body swelled until she was twice the size as before and still growing. Her cherubic cheeks melded with her face until all that could be seen were two tiny pockets where her eyes had been. And still she grew.
At last, when she was approximately the size and shape of a Thwomp's pillow, she exhaled. The breath that came out was a gale that roared with the ferocity of a Chain Chomp, rattled the grate bolted into the tree and pushed Matthew up so quickly it seemed that he suddenly vanished.
"H-Hope it works," said Koops with his fingers crossed.
...
Matthew felt sure he was going to die - in the slowest way possible. Starvation, dehydration, asphyxiation, and many other "-ations" would be tagged to the coroner's report when he was eventually found... IF he was eventually found. By then he'd be nothing but a skull and some bones, squeezed together so hard, it'd be like pulling caramel squares apart. What a terrible curse this was! Giving him a way to squeeze into tight spaces without giving him a way to squeeze out again.
Then he had another thought. What if the curse eventually failed him? His bones would shatter and then he'd be in agonizing pain. He wouldn't be able to scream though because his lungs would have already been crushed, and then he'd die slowly AND painfully.
The mere thought of it sent him wriggling again. He had to get out. He HAD to get OUT! He couldn't die here! Not in so much pain! He had to...
Then he felt something push on his feet, like a giant with superhuman strength that pushed so hard that had he been able to breathe it would have left him breathless. It did leave him panicked though. He was going so fast, he felt sure he would lose control and crash, barring the fact that there was only one direction to go and there was sure to be another grate waiting for him at the end.
There was. He slammed into the grate nose-first, which startled him more than hurt him, thanks to his super-contortionist body. The force did not relent on his feet though. He felt his body compressing into a grilled pancake - or waffle - but at his nose, he felt the pressure easing... he was going through the lattice!
Slowly like a drop of glue squeezing through a tiny opening crusted with dried epoxy, he was pushed out of the vent, his nose leading the way. After what felt like hours though it was likely only a few seconds, his head popped out. He didn't have time to gather his surroundings for his shoulders were coming through, bending him down like a limp noodle. Finally, his arms were free and he used them to catch himself. Next came his hips, his knees and finally his feet came flying out, flipping him over in a somersault. He gasped in surprise when he landed, but the sound was lost to the roar of wind that tore through the room. Paper was thrown into the air and there was the sound of shattering glass and an angry cry of "My research!"
Matthew scrambled to his feet. He searched for the angry researcher, but there was so much paper in the air, it was hard to see. What he could see was an L formed by two tables on which wire contraptions holding beakers sat. There was broken glass everywhere on the floor as well as puddles of various hues and textures.
"You!"
The accusing voice drew his attention and at last, he saw the angry researcher amidst the flurry of paper, an X-naut.
"How'd you get in here?" the X-naut demanded, tugging on the flaps perched on top of his bespectacled head.
For a moment, Matthew's mind went blank. Then he answered, "Trade secret."
"Oh yeah?" snarled the X-naut. "Well, I'll have you know, you just ruined three hundred cosmic years of trade secrets. Get ready to pay, pal!" He scurried toward Matthew with murder in his goggles.
There's something oddly terrifying about a small volleyball-shaped creature scuttling toward you at a speed no self-respecting shorty should manage. Matthew's survival instincts kicked in and he whipped out his hammer, wound up, and then putted the little menace across the room.
"Fore!" he yelled.
The X-naut yelled back as he slammed into the steel door. Picking himself right back up, he scooped up a half-full beaker of yellow fluid and hurled it at Matthew. The beaker itself missed him but the explosive concoction sent glass shards flying into his arm. He felt them like dozens of bees stinging him.
Matthew had never been fond of pain (who was?). Pain always drove him berserk, and with a giant hammer in hand he became a one-man wrecking crew, slamming his hammer down on anything that moved and clearing rubble in great sweeps. By the time his head cleared, his arm was painted in blood and the X-naut was seeing stars under a blanket of his own chemistry set.
"Take that..." he said in between shallow breaths, "...you jerk..."
"Well now, that was quite the display of ferocity," said a familiar voice. Matthew looked up and saw Ms. Mowz leaning against the doorframe.
"Oh, uh..." He blushed and tried to blink the tears out of his eyes. "H-He asked for it... taught him a lesson..."
"One he won't be forgetting anytime soon," Ms. Mowz agreed with a titter. "But my, how you get around! Just yesterday you were sneaking through Hooktail's castle, and now I meet you smashing up an X-naut base. What are you after?"
"We're, uh..." He wasn't quite sure how to answer her. For one thing, she was a thief, which by definition made her untrustworthy. For another, it took someone with inexorable suaveness to riposte her playful tone, and Matthew was admittedly not that someone.
"Ah, well," said Ms. Mowz, her tone resigned. "I suppose that isn't my business." She strutted into the room, her heart-shaped tail waggling. "But if you plan on moving deeper into their base, you're going to need this." She flicked her wrist and a card appeared. Then she tossed it at Matthew. He lunged for it but missed and it struck him in the chest.
"Ooh, terribly sorry about that," said the thief sympathetically.
"It didn't hurt," Matthew assured her though his face was beet-red. He picked up the card and inspected it. It was thicker than a normal playing card. On one side was a white symbol: an x within a circle and two dots in the top section of the x, and on the other was a copper stripe near the edge. Matthew had never gotten a close look at a credit card before, but he imagined this was what it looked like.
Ms. Mowz nodded at the card. "The X-nauts have built gates all over this tree, which can only be opened with that card. I'd keep a tight paw on it if I were you."
"Oh." Matthew blushed when he thought about how forgetful he could be at times, which often led to him misplacing things. "Er, thanks."
"You truly are a man of few words," the thief teased with a titter. "Well then. As much as I enjoy our little conversations, there's no need to overstay my welcome. Adieu, my silent knight. May we meet again." She blew him a kiss and then turned and vanished out the door. It closed with a whirr and a muffled thunk. The light above it, which was green, then turned red with a beep.
"Wait!" cried Matthew, responding a little too late. He meant to ask her why she was helping him. He had a sneaking suspicion that she was using him for something but whatever it was, he wasn't clever enough to turn it against her. He would just have to move forward while keeping his eyes peeled for tricks and traps.
He glanced down at the card and then at the keypad next to the door. Then, taking a deep breath, he strode to the door.
...
"What's taking him so long?" Goombella grumbled, stomping her foot impatiently.
"D-do you really think he made it inside all r-right?" Koops murmured worriedly. "It looks like this tree might be c-crawling with those X-n-nauts."
"Matthew will be all right," said Goombella reassuringly. "He's got a hard head. He took on an entire platoon of them once."
"He did?" gasped Punio, who was sitting on top of Koops's hand. His eyes grew round with wonder.
"Oh my, the courage of that boy!" cried Madam Flurrie, swinging her hands up to her cheek in a gesture of affection. "The more I hear about him, the more excited I am to properly meet him!"
A few minutes later, her wish was granted. The red light above the door turned green with a beep and then the door slid open with a whirr and a muffled thunk. On the other side stood Matthew.
"Oh, finally!" he gasped when he saw them. "This tree is like a maze! And you have no idea how many close shaves I've had..."
"Oh, my!" said a voice that drowned out his own, startling him. "So you're Matthew! You're even cuter than I imagined!" He looked up at the Fwoosh advancing on him and his survival instincts kicked in, sending him backpedaling. She was quicker though, and she scooped him up into her arms and planted wet kisses on his forehead.
"Uh..." said Goombella bemusedly. "Matthew meet Madam Flurrie."
"Pleased to meet you," Matthew gasped, trying to find somewhere that wasn't obscured by white cumulus. He felt as though he was in a headlock with pillows.
"This is great!" Punio exclaimed, bouncing excitedly in Koops' palm despite his warnings to be careful. "Between Madam Flurrie and Matthew, those X-nauts don't stand a chance!"
This distracted Madam Flurrie enough to cause her to drop Matthew. "And WHO," she thundered, placing fists on her hips, "are these X-nauts? Who would be foolish enough to harass my darling Punie friends?"
Between the four of them, they managed to explain what they knew about the X-nauts and their goals. While they didn't know where exactly they came from, they did know that they were looking for Crystal Stars in order to control their power, most likely so they could control the world.
"My, these X-nauts sound POSITIVELY horrid!" Madam Flurrie exclaimed crossly when they had all finished. "Let alone the fact that they bully defenseless creatures like my dear Punie friends! We must teach them a lesson they won't soon forget!" She pounded a fist into her palm.
Koops whispered to Matthew, "W-women sure are s-s-scary when they're upset, aren't they?"
"Heck hath no fury..." Matthew quoted.
Goombella chimed in, "Hey, listen, Madam, I feel you, really I do, but we can't just rush in there and start bopping X-nauts. Who knows what sort of traps they have in there waiting for us? Now what I propose..."
For a good fifteen minutes, the sassy archaeologist outlined a plan that had more contingencies in it than Bowser had "other" castles, but the gist of it seemed to be that Punio would scout ahead and the rest of them would follow two steps behind him.
Madam Flurrie was opposed to the idea. "You would send dear Punio into danger?" she exclaimed, her physique swelling intimidatingly.
"He's small!" Goombella protested, "And less likely to attract attention! He can spot and avoid traps that we might overlook. If needed, he can squeeze into a hiding spot."
"Out of the question! It is simply too dangerous for someone so delicate and fragile!"
"W-well..." Koops spoke up, "I mean, he did m-manage to es-escape and look for help..."
Matthew meanwhile watched Punio. It seemed the little guy was thinking hard about something, the way his tiny brow was furrowed. After a while, he noticed Matthew watching him and he said, "Did you say something?"
The young man shook his head. "Oh no. I was just wondering what you were thinking."
"Oh." Punio dropped his gaze. "Well... I think what your friend is saying makes a lot of sense, but..."
Matthew prompted him, "But what?"
He shrugged his tiny shoulders. "Um... well... but Madam Flurrie is right, too. It does seem dangerous... and I don't know if I can do it! I mean, I'm not as brave as you. You took on a whole bunch of X-nauts and won! ...I've never done anything like that."
"Actually, I didn't win," Matthew told him. Punio looked up at him in astonishment. "As a matter of fact, I only took on one of them and he handed my butt to me pretty quickly. Then the rest of them jumped me and it was only through sheer dumb luck that I got out of it in one piece."
The little Puni shook his head. "But then..."
"It was a pretty stupid thing to do," Matthew continued. "The odds were definitely against me and I didn't even have the skills to take it on."
Punio looked wonderingly at him. "Then why...?"
"Because my friend was in trouble," Matthew answered matter-of-factly. Then he shrugged and amended, "Well, she wasn't my friend then, but she needed help and there was no one else to do it... maybe there was... I just got there first..." He shook his head. "Whatever. The point is you can't let fear stop you from helping people. If they need help, you just... gotta do it. Even if you wind up being sorry for it later on... er, I mean... it's just... what you do." He really wasn't explaining this well. He needed to work on his pep talks.
He was surprised when Punio spoke, "You know what? You're right! My friends and family are in trouble and I have to do everything I can to help them." This caught the attention of the others.
"What did you say?" Koops asked him.
Punio puffed up his chest. "I'll do it. I'll scout ahead."
Madam Flurrie was concerned. "Punio, are you certain, my little darling?"
"I know the tree inside and out..." the little Puni declared confidently. He amended, "Er, well, I know the inside anyways. I can keep us all from getting lost. And my tiny size means I'll be easily overlooked by the X-nauts."
The overdramatic diva wasn't convinced. "Punio, dear, it's still too dangerous. You Punies aren't made to fight, bless your adorable hearts."
"I'm not fighting," Punio protested. "I'm scouting. It's the very least I could do. I'm not stupid to think I can fight. Don't worry; I'll be careful."
It took some doing but eventually, Madam Flurrie caved in. She clearly thought of the Punies as her own children and was inclined to spoil them rotten, particularly Punio. Punio, though, seemed to have taken Matthew's advice to heart and his expression was set as he jumped down from Koops' hand and began marching forward. The only clue that showed he wasn't quite as confident as he pretended was the nervous bobbing of his antenna, which twitched left and right, probing for danger.
Immediately inside the tree was clear of danger, thanks to Matthew. Two X-nauts lay groaning on the floor where they had been guarding the front door before Matthew had clubbed them. There was another door on the other side, which the young adventurer had to open with his card to bypass. Nobody questioned where he got the card; they all assumed that he had stolen it from one of the invaders, and there wasn't a convenient time to tell them the truth - not that he was even sure he wanted to tell them, so it worked out.
As Matthew had said, it was like a maze in there. Tunnels frequently branched off in other directions, leading to rooms with no clear exits for they were often hidden behind bushes that looked like piles of broken glass, or high up the wall and accessible only by narrow bridges that were almost invisible. He had been through here the first time in trying to find the exit and it was no more familiar this time around, so he was glad that Punio was leading the way. They were on the lookout for X-nauts, but oddly enough there wasn't any sign of them as they crossed through each tunnel and into each room.
"Where do you think th-they are?" Koops wondered aloud.
Punio chewed his lip thoughtfully before he answered, "Maybe they went up the tree. While sneaking my way out of here, I overheard them say that we were hiding something up there and that they were going to make the Elder show them where."
Goombella shot a glance at the little Puni. "Elder? As in a chief?"
"Um, yes?"
"Dear me, Punio!" Madam Flurrie exclaimed, "Don't tell me they've captured the Elder?"
Before he could grant her that wish, they all heard high-pitched squealing. They all froze and took defensive stances while looking around for the source of the noise. They had entered a room that was clustered with tangles of transparent vines and stuffed with grass, reminding Levi of birds' nests. The squealing was coming from the opposite end of the room beyond a steel door, which seemed to be jammed open from the way its gears were grinding.
Then a swarm of Punies flowed through the door, followed by three X-nauts wielding butterfly nets. "Stop!" one of the X-nauts demanded with a swipe of his net, snatching up several of the Punies. "Stop your resistance and submit to our rule!"
Then the Punies came to an abrupt stop and gave a collective gasp, seeing Matthew's group and probably thinking they were more monsters come to catch them. Taking advantage of this, the two other X-nauts scooped them up into their nets. "Now we've got you!" they growled.
"I DEMAND YOU STOP THIS AT ONCE!" Madam Flurrie thundered, causing all of them to jump, including Matthew's group. She glided to the front and placed her large hands on her hips. There were joyous cries of "Madam Flurrie!" from the nets when the Punies recognized her.
The X-nauts swung their nets behind them protectively. "Wha!" stammered the closest X-naut. "Wha- Who are you creeps?"
"Excuse me?" Goombella cried indignantly. "It's you who are the creeps! What are you doing to those innocent little guys, huh? What kind of sickos would go around snatching up people and demanding they obey or die, huh? You want to know what I think...?"
Madam Flurrie thrust her finger at the three invaders. "I will give you to the count of three to release those Punies!" She held up one finger. "One." Another finger went up. "Two..."
"We don't take orders from anyone but our leader Sir Grodus," spat out the X-naut. "And if you were smart you'd surrender now..."
The Fwoosh's third finger went up. "Three!" Then with the suddenness of a spring gust, she flew toward them, her fist drawing back for a concussive hit. The X-nauts scrambled backward, tripping and tumbling over each other in their haste to avoid her fury. She snatched up two of them and slammed them together, instantly knocking them out. The third one had bounced head over heels when Madam Flurrie had picked up his two comrades but he quickly got to his feet, grabbed his net, from which only a few Punies had escaped, and began to flee.
"Get back here, you cowardly brute!" bellowed Madam Flurrie and pounced on him mercilessly. She slapped him roundly about until he finally collapsed in her grip, dropping the net.
"Madam Flurrie!" cried a chorus of grateful voices and she was quickly surrounded by the rescued Punies. Matthew and his gang gradually joined them.
Goombella whispered to Matthew, "Yeesh! Remind me never to get on her bad side."
As fierce as Madam Flurrie's furious side was, her joyous side was just as overt. "Oh, my dear Punelope! I'm so glad you're okay! Putipher, you little rascal, you had me so worried! I can't believe the way they treated you, Anpuny, but it's all right now, I'm here."
"You guys are okay!" Punio exclaimed, leaping from Koops' hand and scuttling toward his friends.
They turned to him and glared. "Oh, look who came back," said one Puni. "The traitor who left us."
Punio came to a stop, his face twisting in shock. "What? But I went to get help!"
"That's not what it looked like to us," said a particularly large Puni, stepping out of the crowd toward Punio. "You were supposed to be helping us all escape, but you just ran off on your own."
"I couldn't take all of you!" Punio protested. "We would have all been caught for sure!"
"Right, yeah, sure," said the large Puni dismissively. "You definitely weren't just saving your own hide."
"But I wasn't! I mean, look, I brought help!" He bounded toward Matthew and his friends. "These guys are going to help us beat those guys in white!"
"Oh yeah?" sneered the Puni. "And how do you know they aren't going to take our tree, too? Some Elder you're turning out to be."
"That's enough, Puniper," scolded Madam Flurrie. "You know very well that Punio does his best and takes his responsibilities seriously. It's your job to support him. Treat him nicely because he will be Elder someday and he'll get to decide what he does with you."
The large Puni turned red and mumbled something under his breath. Then Madam Flurrie said, "Speaking of which, do any of you know what became of the Elder?"
"She was taken!" piped up a female Puni. "They captured her along with most of our friends and took her to the top of the tree! They said they were going to do horrible stuff to her unless she told them where to find something... I think they said a Crystal Star?"
Matthew, Goombella, and Koops exchanged glances. Madam Flurrie glanced at the three of them and said, "A Crystal Star? It seems you three had it right then. There is no question about it: these X-naut brutes must be stopped at all costs. If you will have me then I shall accompany you and put these egomaniacs in their place."
"T-truth be told," said Koops, "you'd probably s-stand a better chance against them than w-we would."
"Yeah," Matthew agreed. "The way you took those three out..." He shook his head, "I've never seen anything like it."
"Well, I do tend to get carried away at times," she admitted with a roguish grin and a wink.
"We'd definitely be lucky to have you on our team. So then, welcome aboard!" He beamed.
"What about me?" Punio said suddenly, taking everyone by surprise. The other Punies expressed disbelief and doubts.
Goombella blinked. "Wait, you want to come with us?"
"W-well, I am going to be the next Elder," he said, his antenna bobbing nervously. "Which means I have to set the example. I need to show everyone that I can protect and guide them... right, Madam Flurrie?"
She seemed rather startled by this. "Well, dear, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to fix every problem on your own. There's no shame in asking for help..."
"But everyone I know is in trouble, and I can't just ask someone else to fix problems for me every time one comes up. I have to be the kind of Elder that everyone can be confident in! So... I... I have to come!"
The words hit Matthew deeply. Being a leader himself, he could see where Punio was coming from. And knowing that Punio was much, much smaller than them and still willing to risk his life to help his friends... it was inspiring.
"Well, all right then," he said before anyone else could object. "If you're that determined, we won't stop you."
"Wait, WHAT?!" exclaimed Goombella.
"Y-y-you're serious?" Koops stuttered.
"Matthew!" Madam Flurrie exclaimed in that maternal reprimanding voice of hers.
His cheeks heated up and his heart battered against his ribcage, warning him that he was making a huge mistake. Still, he pressed on, "As he said, he's the next Elder, and he's got to set the example. If he's got the courage for it, then let him do it. When else is he going to get the chance to show what he's got? So I say we'll let him come."
"But he's a Puni!" Goombella exclaimed. "Just look at him! Tiny! Itty bitty! What can he do?"
"You didn't have a problem using him to scout," Matthew pointed out.
"Yeah, well, that was just for scouting! I never said he was going to actually fight the X-nauts!"
"We all have our talents," said Matthew. "And who's saying he's going to fight the X-nauts? But as a leader, we don't have the right to deny him his request." He leaned toward his friends and added, "It makes him look bad like we don't respect him. If we show confidence in him then his people will have confidence in him."
"But he could die!"
"So could we," Matthew pointed out, which made his heart flutter.
Goombella was unsurprisingly stubborn about it but eventually, she caved. Even Madam Flurrie submitted to the idea once Matthew argued his case though she did warn Punio, "Just don't do anything foolish, all right my dear? If it gets too dangerous, you get out of there. Promise me you will."
"I'll be careful," Punio promised. "If you promise to be careful, too."
She sighed heavily. "Very well then."
Matthew glanced at everyone and at the Punies, who all seemed dumbstruck that the traitor was now risking his life to rescue the Elder and the other captured Punies. He grinned and clapped his hands, startling them all. "Now then!" he exclaimed cheerfully, "Who's ready for a rescue mission?"
