Chapter 19: A Derailed Vacay Kidnapping
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE'S NOT HERE?"
"Sir," said the Pianta desk clerk patiently, pushing his glasses up his rather impressive nose, "I would please ask that you keep your voice down. You're disturbing the other guests."
Bowser was in a rather foul mood. The day prior, he had spent four hours on the way to Delfino Isle playing poker with his minions only to lose his spiked wristbands, anklets, and finally his prized collection of antique hammers. And once they arrived on Delfino Isle, they had been told the hotel had been booked solid for the Festa del Sole and that they'd have to check in the next day. Bowser had tried to explain that he was just looking for someone who had already checked in, but the desk clerk had politely shuttered his desk and locked up for the night. Bowser had spent that night bunked in his ship, grumbling that they'd better tell him where Princess Peach was staying, and now here he was saying she wasn't even there! He grabbed the Pianta by the front of his stupid double-breasted blue coat and growled in his face, fire from his breath licking the Pianta's eyebrows, "I don't give two patoots about your guests, you fat stack of hula grass! Now either you tell me where Princess Peach is or I shove your face in Corona Mountain!"
"Sir," said the Pianta, trying to maintain his polite demeanor but shaking so hard that his skirt was telling a very rousing story, "I must ask..."
Bowser snatched a nearby coconut that a passing Pianta child had been trying to crack open by repeatedly smashing it against a guard rail and crushed it with his fist. The desk clerk glanced at the milk oozing between the Koopa King's fingers and he gulped.
"Er, very well, if you insist." He cleared his throat, which was difficult owing to the fact Bowser had his suit tight around his neck. "We were expecting the young princess from the Mushroom Kingdom six days ago, but she never showed."
Bowser shook him. "WHERE IS SHE?"
"I don't know!" the desk clerk wailed. "She never got off the boat when it arrived here! She must have gotten off when it stopped to refuel and didn't get back on."
Bowser shook him again. "Where does the boat stop to refuel?"
"The closest one between here and the Mushroom Kingdom is Rogueport just southwest of here! Please, sir!"
Bowser tossed him back into the wall of keys, which jangled before they all clattered down on top of him. "Ow..." he moaned morosely.
Bowser turned. As he did, he spotted Kammy Koopa, who was making her way gingerly across the lobby toward him, waving her wand at any who got in her way, which had various effects like turning them into fuzzies, shrinking them down, or sending them floating to the ceiling. At last, she reached his side and reported breathlessly, "I've searched all the rooms, your Surliness, and not a single one was the Princess to be found."
"She's at Rogueport," Bowser growled. "Got off when the boat was refueling, supposedly."
"Rogueport?" said the old crone, her eyebrows rising dubiously. "I've heard of that place. A cesspool, by my understanding. I can't imagine why she'd want to be found in a place like that."
"Unless she didn't want to be found!" exclaimed Bowser in an "Aha!" moment. "Thought she'd give me the slip, did she? Well, you'll have to get up earlier than that to outsmart old Bowser, you saucy little minx!" He chuckled. Then he barked, "All right! Back to the ship, and set a course for Rogue..."
"Hold, sir!" someone shouted from the front doors to the hotel. It was a Pianta in a gray jacket and important-looking spectacles and he was pointing at Bowser.
Bowser growled, "What do you want?"
The Pianta marched up to him, "You, sir, are in violation of Delfino Isle's code of conduct page 86, section b, subsection f, third paragraph, in which it states..."
Bowser picked up the Pianta by his suit and tossed him into a brochure stand. The Pianta gave an "Oof" and then collapsed amidst a pile of pamphlets advertising the blue waters and white sands. Kammy Koopa clapped and croaked, "That was masterfully done, Lord Bowser! Bravo!"
Bowser gruffed, "I always hated that jerk." Then without further ado, he stomped out of the hotel, leaving a wake of very shaken guests and staff.
