Currently trying to put off an impending panic attack. I am being forced to take this important class for school, and I messed up the communication portion of the project I had to complete with a group. I did my part in making the PowerPoint, but I didn't respond in the right section. So now I'm freaking the fuck out because it was worth 90 points. Ugh, I feel so sick. I guess I'm also uploading because so I can get some positivity so I'm not so freaked out and you guys can uplift my spirit. Right now I have a C for the missing assignment, but it's still scary because I have to have it for my job, and I paid a ridiculous amount of money for the class. Ughhh. Send me prayers and positivity please!
Chapter Twenty-Three
"I must know why you can do so many things now," Edward said as he pressed his forehead against mine for a moment. "You are stronger, and you can purr. What else can you do? What else did Auk'ell'ieks'Ognil bless you with."
I swallowed the lump that was in my throat. "T-there is so much that… she told me many things."
"Tell me."
"I'm afraid," I said, biting my lip.
"What are you afraid of?"
"L-last night, when I woke up, I was going to tell you everything, b-but…" I paused for a moment to inhale softly. "I had a vision of anger. I-I'm afraid you will hate me."
His hand stroked my cheek. "I would never ever hate you."
"I don't know about that," I sighed. "I want to be honest with you Edward but I'm so scared." I looked away from him. "You are the only person I trust. If...If I lost you, I-I don't-,"
"I am incapable of hating or hurting you. You can trust me." He said as he gently rubbed his nose against mine. "And you will never lose me, so, please tell me."
"If I tell you, you can't tell anyone else." I said as I bit my lip.
"I will never tell anyone," He said. "Tell me please. Your heart is hurting. I need to make it better."
I closed my eyes for a moment before opening them again. "Auk'ell'ieks'Ognil created me so that I may take her place. I am her daughter. Not in the sense that Alice or your mother are her daughters, but she blessed me with many abilities. I guess I'm a copy of her. In a weird way."
"I do not understand," He said as he cocked his head to the side.
"She made me to replace her. She created me so I could change things here. It's why I never had a connection with my mother from the other side, because she was not my true mother. Auk'ell'ieks'Ognil took a large piece of herself and placed it inside of me."
I could see that he was trying to understand what I had said in his head by the movements his eyes were making. My heart was pounding painfully in my chest.
"Why did she want you to change things?" He asked.
"Because things around here need to change."
"Like what?"
I sighed. "It's all really confusing, but somehow my blood will make it so the women will be able to have more than one child."
"It is unsafe for the women though," Edward argued.
"But it won't be. Not when I… when I… well, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but when I'm done, the women will be able to have more babies. The people will be plentiful again."
"We are plentiful now."
I sighed. "Yes, now, but soon we won't be."
His eyes widened. "What do you mean?"
"Only a few girls got pregnant from the mating ceremony the other day. As the years go on, fewer and fewer women will be able to get pregnant. The people will disappear."
Edward growled. "Why would Auk'ell'ieks'Ognil not save us? I do not understand why she… why is she not—," He let off with a growl and gripped his hair in frustration. My heart started beating a little harder.
"Edward," I said as I placed my hands on his cheeks. "Auk'ell'ieks'Ognil has not abandoned you or the family. She still loves you as her children. She just needed help with these changes. More physical help." I gestured to myself. "And she was ready to join her mate and her child.
Edward looked as though he were slightly panicked. I could hear his breathing labored slightly; I pulled him towards me and placed my forehead against his.
"Edward," I whispered. "It's going to be okay."
"I-I have never… I do not understand. S-she has left us?"
"It's okay," I smiled at him. "It's going to be okay, I promise. I'm here."
"Our mother has left us." He finally said after a few moments. "W-what do we do?"
I stroked his cheek. "For now, we're just going to continue to live normally. Just as our mother wants us too."
He inhaled deeply. "Have you told anyone else?"
"Only your mother knows. I'm not sure if she's told anyone else."
"She has not." He sighed. "Then we should not tell anyone else."
I nodded. "That's a great idea, Edward. I don't want to panic anyone else. I already feel badly for upsetting you."
He placed his head under my chin. "It is because of the story of Auk'ell'ieks'Ognil. The thought of… of you suffering the same fate… I could not bear it."
"What do you mean?"
"I cannot tell the story," He shook his head. "I am still afraid, and I do not understand any of this."
I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and rested my head on top of his.
"It's going to be okay Edward." I said before I started purring for him. I heard him exhale and relax against me.
I didn't want to tell him everything because I was afraid he would be angry, but this was much worse. I could feel the abandonment and the fear Edward was currently feeling. I wanted to take these emotions from him.
After a moment I placed my lips against his ear. "I'm so sorry."
He pulled away from me to look into my eyes. He placed his hand on my heart. "What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid that… that everyone will hate me and that they will be angry." I shook my head. "I-I am afraid that they will kill me."
Edward's nostrils flared. "They would not dare… I would rip their hearts out."
"I've had visions that our family will be so angry." I placed my hand on the center of his chest as well. "I had a vision that you would be angry too."
"Is that why you are afraid now? You are afraid of me?"
"I'm not afraid of you… I'm afraid that you will hate me if something horrible happens because I'm supposed to bring all of these changes." I looked down. "I had a vision where I felt your anger towards me. I don't want you to be angry with me. I-I'm already so afraid of failing… I-I," Tears welled up in my eyes. "I don't want to fail Edward."
He lifted my chin and placed his forehead onto mine. "I will not let you fail."
"What if you don't agree with the changes I am to bring? What if the changes make you h-hate me?"
He started purring. "I would never hate you. If I do not agree with a change, then we will discuss it. My parents do not agree on everything."
"Yeah, apparently," I said as I tucked my head under his chin and closed my eyes. "What did your dad do to your mom? How did he make her fall asleep?"
"My mother has not slept, and her body is feeling the effects of not sleeping. She is putting herself in danger by not taking care of herself. So, as a way to protect her, even if from herself, my father made her sleep. I am not sure how it works, but all of the men can make our mates go to sleep or eat or anything that will preserve their lives and their health."
"So you can make me go to sleep?"
"I can, but it is a last resort. Men usually only use this ability during the final stage of their mate's pregnancy. When they become very large and uncomfortable."
I laughed. "You know, it's not polite to say that pregnant women are very large."
"Why? It is true. Rosalie is very, very large now."
I snorted. "I'm going to tell her you called her fat."
"Well she is," He argued as he pulled away to look at me. "She is fat, but it is because she is with a child. She will be thin again when the babe is born, not as thin as she was before her pregnancy, but thin."
"Edward!" I laughed as I playfully swatted his arm. "You can't say that."
His brows furrowed. "Why can I not say that? What did I say wrong?"
"Where I'm from, calling a woman fat or saying she won't be as skinny as she was before her pregnancy is considered very rude."
"Why is it rude? The women do get very fat when they carry our offspring. They are also never as skinny as they were before they became pregnant. It is a fact, not an insult."
I sighed and shook my head. "If you said that where I am from, you would get smacked."
He groaned. "I do not understand why it is rude."
"Where I'm from, being fat is not a good thing. Well, to some people it is not a good thing. I never really cared about someone being fat, only if they were a good person. Had any normal woman come here, and you called this," I placed my hand on my lower stomach, "A pouch they would've been very offended because ideally you want it to be flat. At least that's what the beauty standard tells us."
Edward made a face before lightly pinching the little pouch with his fingers. "Why would they be offended by this? You are not fat right now. You are not with child."
I smacked his hand away giggling. "Don't pinch my stomach fat! You are so clueless."
He laughed and pinched my stomach again. "Why can I not pinch this? It is just a little fat that all of the women have before they give birth. It is beautiful."
"Oh yeah? How about I pinch—," I tried to pinch his stomach fat, but he had none to pinch. His stomach was rock hard. "Whatever. It's so unfair that you don't even have an ounce of fat to pinch."
"It is because I do not have a baby pouch," He grinned. "If I did, I would be proud because I would be able to create life. It would be beautiful. I would never want this to be flat." He said as he let go of my stomach. "If it were flat, I would think that you were sickly and unable to carry a child."
I rolled my eyes, "If only the other side saw pregnancy and weight the way you do."
Several Hours Later
I was sitting beside the warm fire with Edward's head in my lap so I could stroke his hair. I had been stroking his hair since the fire had started. He had loved it so much and it kept the bad emotions from coming up.
A few times throughout the day, Edward would suddenly become afraid and would feel abandoned. I hated it when he felt like that, so if stroking his hair kept him happy, I'd do it until my hand fell off.
Carlisle and Esme had come out of the hut, but they currently weren't sitting together. They were sitting on either side of Edward and me. It had been a couple hours since he forcibly put her to sleep, but she was obviously very pissed off.
When dinner was served, Tanya brought us a huge platter of food. There was a variety of meats and fruit on the plate.
"Thank you," I smiled at her. "Would you like to join us?"
She smiled at me. "I am fine. I am sitting with my parents."
She turned and walked to where her parents were sitting. I bit the inside of my cheek as I watched her go. I wasn't sure how the goddess intended for me to help Tanya, but I was desperate to do something. She seemed so… so unlike the other mated females. She seemed lost.
Edward finally sat up so we could feed each other. Carlisle and Esme weren't sitting anywhere near each other, they each had their own plate.
"Carlisle," I said softly after placing a large piece of green fruit into Edward's mouth.
"Hm?" He acknowledged.
"What is the story of Auk'ell'ieks'Ognil? I want to hear it."
Carlisle paused and slowly looked over at me. It was then I realized I hadn't spoken his language in front of him before, only in front of Edward. I blushed slightly as he examined me.
"I learned it from Edward." I quickly said. "Can I hear her story please?"
After a moment, Carlisle placed his plate down in front of him and stood. He walked the few feet it took to thump down in front of me. I sunk lower into the hole of Edward's crossed legs.
"The goddess is mother to all of us, but she and her mate birthed my bloodline," He said, placing his hand on his chest. "This is why I am the protector, and why Edward will be the next protector, then your son will follow suit and so on."
"She is the one who discovered all of our cures and had the healing touch. Back then, we worshipped the sun, the moons, the wind, the ocean… they were the old gods and goddesses that received our gifts and our gratitude." He looked upwards and smiled softly, "But there was something special about Auk'ell'ieks'Ognil."
"She was blessed with gifts beyond our imagination," Esme said as she sat beside Carlisle. "Her most prominent gift was the ability to heal with just a touch of her hand."
My eyes widened. "H-how did she do that?"
"The old gods and goddesses blessed her with the ability when she was born," Carlisle said as he reached out for Esme and pulled her into his lap. She seemed irritated with him still, but she didn't move away from him. In fact it seemed as though she leaned against him just as he did to her.
"The goddess was kind and patient. The pure embodiment of feminine power and motherhood," Esme said. "She was chosen among all of the other females to lead the people through the darkest time in their history."
I noticed how she said their history, not her own. I had to assume that she was speaking about the time of the warring families.
"Yes, truly the darkest part of our history," Carlisle said as he placed his chin on top of Esme's head. "I know Edward told you of the time of the warring families."
I nodded. "Yes, it was really sad."
"It very much was," He said. "We lost much of our family to our own greed and stupidity."
"What does any of that have to do with howj the goddess came to be?" I asked.
Carlisle smiled. "She sacrificed herself to stop the war and save the women who were left behind. That was how we lost our women. We were no longer deserving of them, we had mistreated them. It took a very long time to earn her love so that she may bless us with new females." He rubbed his nose against the back of Esme's head.
"How did she sacrifice herself?" I asked, completely consumed with the story.
"We do not know," Carlisle shrugged. "That spot in our history has been completely erased. All we know is that she did something grand that saved us all."
I frowned slightly. It was not what I wanted to hear. Her story was interesting, but it was clear that parts of it were missing. And it wasn't like I could ask around because Carlisle and Esme were the story keepers of these people, especially Esme.
I would give anything to talk to her now so I could understand her story. I don't know why I think it would help but maybe it would give me some idea of how I was to change these people.
I hope you all are having a wonderful week! Better than mine so far! Have a great night!
