"The entire fleet?!"
I struggled to keep the grin off my face as I saw the shock on Admiral Clark's. It was a look I no doubt had when I first saw Musashi's display of power. "Yes, sir," I confirmed. "It was a rather awe-inspiring sight if I'm being honest."
He raised an eyebrow and shot me a curious look. "I'm sure it was," he said slowly before asking the same question I asked myself earlier. "If they've had this kind of firepower this entire time, how come they've never used it before now?"
"It wore her out pretty bad," I answered honestly. "While I have no doubt she would annihilate almost any Eagle Union fleet she came across, she'd be so exhausted by the end of it she'd have to withdraw."
"Almost?"
"I think New Jersey could give her a run for her money, but it'd be razor thin as to who would actually win."
"That's a disturbing thought," Clark muttered as he slumped back into his chair. "..and her sister?"
"I haven't seen her in action," I shrugged, "But based on what I've seen from Musashi, I would say she's likely in the same ballpark in terms of strength."
I could see him doing the math and coming to the same conclusion I did. We may have the numbers, but the Sakura Empire has some heavy hitters they've been holding back. "Maybe you should try a little diplomacy while you're out there, see if we can extend this truce a little while longer."
I coughed self-consciously and nodded. "I, uh, I'll do my best, sir."
"Good. Do you think they were after you?"
"I doubt it," I answered. "If they knew it was me, I think they would've sent more than just one mass-produced carrier group. Even if Musashi's strength was on par with other Sakura battleships, she and Haguro alone could've made short work of them if they both had their rigging equipped. I think we just stumbled on a patrol."
Admiral Clark slowly nodded as he processed the information. "I'm inclined to agree," he finally said before changing the subject. "And how's the head?" he asked, tapping his forehead where the wound would be on mine.
"Minor scratch, but I'll be alright," I dismissed. "Just gotta be careful about how I put my hat on in the morning." Wanting to quickly move past Musashi, I changed the subject. "And how's the manhunt going?"
Clark grimaced, and I mentally braced myself for the bad news. "About that…they raided the cultists yesterday, found most of them, along with a few bombs they'd been building, but…a few escaped."
Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrow. "Escaped?"
"Either they escaped when they kicked off the raid, or they weren't there to begin with," the older man shrugged. "Bottom line is that they're in the wind and they're trying to hunt them down as we speak. But until we find them, you'll have to stay out there."
In a way, I found the news to be welcoming. While I'm sure most people would be rather anxious about something like this, and understandably so, I felt fairly relieved. The longer it took to catch them, the longer it would be before Naval HQ tried to get me to leave here and head back home. "Understood, sir. Any possibility that they may head to the Sakura Islands?"
Clark shook his head emphatically. "Captured intelligence points to them looking at NYC as the next place to look for you. While I'd still recommend you keep clear of populated areas, you won't require clearance if you want to go ashore."
"Thank you, sir," I nodded. "I wasn't planning on leaving the lagoon any time soon, but it's good to know. Was there anything else?"
The admiral checked the papers on his desk, making sure he'd covered all of the points he wanted to discuss with me before he looked up and shook his head. "We're good. Take care of yourself out there, Paul."
"Yes, sir." I snapped to attention and saluted just as the video feed cut out. I shut off the communications panel before letting out a soft sigh. At least this would give us more time together, although all this had really done was kick the can a little further down the road. There was going to come a time when the all-clear has sounded and Naval HQ would want me to come back to the Eagle Union. But…the longer I stayed here, the less I wanted to go back. It felt like someone else's life I would be returning to rather than my own. The life I was creating right here, right now, with Musashi and Shinano and everyone else, felt like my new life, and I didn't want to give it up, or even put it aside just yet.
As I stepped out of the radio room, I found Haguro dutifully waiting for me outside, looking as disinterested as ever. "Thanks for keeping an eye out," I nodded gratefully to her. "By the way, is it safe to head up to the bridge? Need to grab my hat from up there."
She gave me a quizzical look and shrugged. "Should be. Just be careful of all the welding they're doing."
"Sure thing," I acknowledged as I began to head off down the hall. "You're free to take off for the day."
"Sweet! Later, Commander!"
As I stepped outside onto the main deck, I could already hear the sounds of construction going on all around me. Both the starboard side and the bridge were covered in scaffolding, the bare metal glinting in the setting sun as repair manjuus hurriedly worked to restore the Musashi to full strength. I idly wondered if they would have thrown the hat out before beginning their work, but knew there was only one way to be sure.
I hurriedly climbed the ladder and popped my head into the bridge. All around, manjuu were hard at work, easing new window panes into their frames or welding the massive hole shut. To my surprise, it looked as though they were almost finished with the repairs, although the space was still filled with debris, including my now-ruined hat. I supposed it made sense to finish the major repairs, and then clean up rather than cleaning up, make repairs, and then sweep things up again after everything was fixed.
Doing my best not to disturb the manjuus, I picked my cap off the floor, dusted it off, and quickly headed back down to my cabin. As I approached, I felt the familiar aura and smiled to myself. As I turned down the corridor to my quarters, I found Musashi waiting for me outside my door, a soft smile on her face.
"I trust everything went well with Admiral Clark?" she asked as I slid by her and opened my door.
"Pretty well," I answered honestly as I stepped inside. "They just wanted to make sure I was alright and that wasn't an attempt on my-" I stopped as I glanced over my shoulder to find Musashi hadn't followed me inside. Instead, she was standing at the doorway, as if she were forbidden from entering. "Uh…you ok? You can come in if you want."
"I'm fine," she politely declined, but I could see something in her eyes, something I rarely saw. Unease, anxiety, perhaps? It was hard to say as she was doing her best to keep it hidden.
I decided to gently probe, to see if I could find the reason she was so unsettled. "You sure? I'm not going to get offended if you come in, and it's not like you've been in here before."
"That was different," she curtly rebutted. "I could hardly give you a tour of your quarters without being in them, now could I?"
I raised an eyebrow at the sudden pushback from her. I hadn't quite struck a nerve, but I could tell I was getting close. "My apologies," I softly replied. "I didn't mean to upset you."
Her eyes widened slightly before she smiled warmly at me. "It's quite alright. I should be the one apologizing, it wasn't my intention to be short with you."
"No worries," I smiled back, not wanting to push the issue any further. "If you ever want to talk about it, I'm always here for you."
"I thought that was my line," she grinned before she bowed her head slightly. "But I am appreciative of the offer. In the meantime, what are you doing with that hat?"
It took my brain about a half second to catch up with the conversation. "Oh! I was just looking for a place I could store it."
She fixed me with a quizzical look as she raised an eyebrow. "Why would you want to keep it?"
"Dunno yet," I shrugged. "I'm not sure if I'd even want to, but I'd rather have it on hand just in case I decide to keep it. And even if I don't want it, I'm sure some museum would take it off my hands."
"Seems a bit morbid to keep a memento of a time you almost died," she said, clearly nonplussed with the idea.
"True," I agreed as I glanced down at the hat, "But it's more than a souvenir of my latest brush with death. It's…" I sighed as I tried to put it into words. "It's a symbol of what we can do together." When her other eyebrow shot up and her look went from quizzical to outright disbelief, I held out a hand. "Let me explain!"
She looked me up and down for a few seconds before she gestured for me to continue.
I slowly exhaled and began to explain my position. "When that fighter crashed into the bridge, if I had tried to get out of the way on my own, or if you had tackled me without making any attempt to move, this piece of shrapnel probably would have wound up somewhere else, and I'd be seriously injured, if not dead. On our own, we would have failed, but together…" I smiled softly and tapped the metal insignia on the cap, "...we can make miracles." I sighed and shrugged. "Or maybe it's just the randomness of the universe, maybe it's something more, I don't know yet. But once I figure it out, it'd be nice to have a memento of that moment." I looked up at her and saw the bemused smirk on her face and suddenly felt sheepish. "Sorry for getting all sentimental there…" I mumbled as I took a sudden interest in studying my hat.
She laughed softly and shook her head. "Every person has a sentimental side - the same is true for you, as it is for me…" I looked back up at her questioningly, and she seemed to know what it was that I was asking. "Do you wish to see that side of me? Hehe... That all depends on how hard you work for it."
"Guess I've got my work cut out for me, then," I grinned as I set the hat down on the desk. I'd find a place for it later; right now it felt like it would be a good time to discuss the cult. "And not to be too much of a buzzkill, but do you mind continuing this conversation in the office? Want to talk with you regarding a few things, and I feel it'd be easier if we were both more comfortable."
She bowed her head slightly as she responded, "Of course, Commander," and held her hand out to mine. With a smile, I took her hand and we walked together down the hall. Despite Musashi's reassuring aura, I felt a growing unease. Nothing to do with the cult, mind you, but more along the lines of the other discussion I wanted to have with her. The one regarding my future here in the Sakura Empire…and at her side. I knew what her answer would be, but I was afraid we would be moving too fast. Of course, if I took too long, I could risk being forced back to the Eagle Union and my one shot at true peace would be lost. I felt trapped between fire and flood, and I hoped to God that Musashi could help me see my way through it.
With all my ruminations, I barely realized we'd gotten to the door until I practically bumped into it. After I opened the door and ushered Musashi inside, I followed her and shut it behind us. "So," I began as Musashi got comfortable on the couch. "First thing is that I've got an update on the cult. Law enforcement conducted a raid yesterday on their hideout and got most of them, but a few are still at large."
Musashi, who had just gotten herself into a relaxed position on the sofa, quickly sat upright. "Where are they?"
"They don't know," I answered, holding up a hand to forestall her next question, "But based on the evidence gathered, they're looking for me in NYC. No signs that they thought I was all the way out here in the Sakura Empire. Also, Naval HQ no longer has to approve any shore visits, meaning the next time you plan on taking me to some ancient Sakura shrine, we won't have to do it while trying to keep things a surprise for me."
"That's good news," she beamed. "You don't seem troubled by the fact that some slipped the net, either."
"I'm not," I admitted. "What's left are too few to make any meaningful attack, and even if they were capable of finding me, I know you wouldn't let them harm a hair on my head." My expression became serious, and I grabbed a chair from the nearby table so I could sit across from Musashi. "However, that leads me to my next point, and it's something that's been on my mind for a while now, and doubly so since yesterday."
The smile left her face, and she leaned forward slightly. "What's been troubling you?"
I felt it was best to just get it out there, so I took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and took the plunge. "My future," I stated. "Our future. Right now, we're together until they get this sorted out back home, but once they do…they're going to want me back. And as much as I love the shipgirls back at base…I don't think it would feel like home anymore. Because…" I hesitated. Once I said this out loud, I couldn't take it back. Was this really the best course of action? "Because this place feels like home now. And because I finally realized what the storm was."
Musashi listened intently as I spoke, her smile slowly returning with each word. "And what is the storm?"
"Well…it's not exactly 'what', and more of a who…" I paused a moment. "I think it's you."
Her smile faded somewhat as she gave me a questioning look. "I'm the storm Shinano said you needed to shelter in?"
Despite all my other uncertainties about us, I had no doubts about this. "Absolutely," I confidently confirmed. "I realized it yesterday when you…handled the Siren fleet. Seeing you there, standing on that turret as the wind and rain whipped around you, throwing thunderbolts with your sword like nothing, there wasn't any room left for ambiguity. Future me told Shinano I would know it when I saw it, and I wasn't wrong. It's you."
Musashi nodded slowly, and I could see her turning it over in her mind. "So what do we do now?"
"I'm not sure," I answered. "I know it means I'll need to be close to you, but how close…that I'm not sure of." At that moment, something deep inside of me, a voice I hadn't listened to in a long time, buried under the pain and trauma, finally managed to claw its way out just long enough to make me see the light. "...no," I softly whispered. "No, I know how close. I think that we're meant to be together, and I've just been finding excuses to keep you at arm's length. The truth is…" I stopped again, not sure if I could continue. As hard as it was for me to admit it to myself, it was even harder to say it out loud. But when I looked into those beautiful golden eyes of hers and saw the warmth and acceptance behind them, it gave me the last big of strength I needed to say it. "...the truth is I'm scared. I'm terrified of getting into a relationship with someone again. Of trusting someone again. And I know, I know that I am safer with you more than any other place on earth…but I'm still scared. I'm scared of getting hurt, and I'm terrified of hurting you."
I looked down when I was finished, unable to meet her gaze. She stayed quiet for several long seconds, then got to her feet. As she did, I looked up to see her smiling down at me. "It's okay," she said softly. "I know a way to help calm your nerves…"
It should have put me at ease, it should have chased away the anxieties, but those words triggered something within me. I felt a growing sense of panic, but I couldn't move, I couldn't speak as Musashi straddled me. I tried to tell her to stop, that something was wrong, but every time I opened my mouth, nothing came out. I was paralyzed by a primal fear I couldn't understand. I willed her to look at me, to see the distress I was in, but her hair blocked our view of one another. I felt her lips on my neck, gently kissing me as her hands began to caress my chest. Her lips brushed against my ear.
Just take it easy and enjoy it, honey.
I could feel the zip ties biting into my wrists, holding me in place as Rose continued to caress me, trying to set me at ease. I refused to give in, and with a herculean feat of strength, broke my bonds, and with an enraged roar, threw her off of me.
"Enough, Rose!" I howled as I stood, the chair clattering to the floor behind me. "I-"
But it wasn't Rose. I wasn't in the compound. I was in my office. And the wide, golden eyes that looked up at me in surprise and fear weren't my ex-wife's. They were Musashi's.
I felt a sickening wave of revulsion come over me as I realized what I'd just done. The enormity of my mistake. "M-Musashi…oh god…I…I…"
Overcome by disgust, self-loathing, and shame, I turned and ran. However, I could not outrun the voice in my head, repeatedly telling me one thing over and over again: I had brought my own worst fears to life. I had failed her.
Those thoughts echoed through my head as Musashi's voice echoed through the hall, calling out for me. But I couldn't face her. I couldn't even face myself.
Desperate, I headed for the main deck…
